Everlong
by Zandra's Ashes
Summary: Post Lifeline AU. Elizabeth has been back on Earth for over a year. A chance encounter with John brings their past relationship to light and changes the course of their future. Rating moved to M for later chapters. Not explicit, but adult situations.
1. Chapter 1

Autumn leaves in fiery hues blazed abundantly in the acres of trees around her. Elizabeth freed her lengthy curls and let them tumble down over her unbuttoned flannel shirt and white tank. The rocky shore of the lake beckoned and had she not just finished an afternoon long hike, she would have indulged in a leisurely walk before sunset. She sank into an Adirondack chair on the deck and started unlacing her well-worn hiking boots. The past year had been difficult at best and she couldn't remember the last time she'd felt this relaxed, the last time she'd been able to dig out her favorite blue jeans. She tugged off her boots and her socks, allowing them to fall haphazardly to the floor before settling back to enjoy the warming rays of the late afternoon sun.

She stretched out, the sight of her painted nails brought a smile to her face. Her recent pedicure was a luxury of this visit to the states. She'd been avoiding the color red for months, but she'd been tempted by the crimson hue hinting at the colors of fall that had exploded all around her. In the yard beyond her wiggling toes, a stone fire pit wielded the promise of s'mores later that night. One of the horses whinnied from the nearby stable and she found herself wondering what could possibly make this day better. Cupboards suddenly rattled from inside the lodge. Ah yes. Wine, she mused. The perfect way the settle into the sunset.

Her ears suddenly perked. They were at least a mile off the main road, but she could hear the unmistakable whirl of a car engine. A moment later, a black Jeep Wrangler stood out against the colorful forest of trees, winding down the curvy drive towards the lodge. Her hands gripped the sides of her chair so tightly her knuckles started turning white. The housekeeper and the stable hand had already departed for the day and they weren't expecting anyone else that night. There was only one other person who could possibly have gate access to enter the driveway of this lodge.

She took a deep breath, her heart raced almost painfully. She jumped to her feet, intending to retreat inside. It had been a year since she'd seen him and he wouldn't be happy to find her here now, not like this. The car door slammed just as she reached for back door leading into the kitchen. It was too late. She took a deep breath and turned around. Time to rip off the band aid.

"Hello, John." It felt as though her heart had leapt into her throat.

His duffle bag dropped with a thud and he slowly pulled his sunglasses down the bridge of his nose. "Elizabeth?"

The way he breathed her name made her heart ache.

The door behind her creaked open. "One red wine for the lady."

"I.." Elizabeth stammered and pivoted sideways. She accepted the stemless glass being pressed into her hand. "He-"

"Dave." John's voice bordered on venomous. He pulled the sunglasses off his face and hung them on the collar of his t-shirt.

Elizabeth flinched when she caught John's eyes. He quickly averted his gaze, but she'd gotten the gist of his current state of mind. There had been only the briefest flicker of regret before it was lost, burned away within the scorn of his judgement.

"John!" Dave moved to Elizabeth's side and smiled broadly, oblivious to the undercurrents. "We weren't expecting you. I'm glad you decided to drive out. I didn't even know you were in the states, much less near D.C."

"My brother, Elizabeth?" John stooped to pick up his bag.

Dave's head snapped towards Elizabeth. "You said you'd talked to him."

"Talked to me?" John huffed and opened the back door of the jeep. "She hasn't spoken to me in in a year."

Elizabeth had gulped down every last drop of the wine. "Dave, let me." She pushed the empty glass towards him and headed down the stairs.

John shoved his bag in the back seat and slammed the door so hard her teeth vibrated. He yanked open the drive side door and turned his head back towards the deck. "What about you, Dave? We just spoke a couple months ago."

John's eyes narrowed when he saw Elizabeth coming. He turned away, his hands threading through his hair. She slowly maneuvered between John and the jeep, softly closing the door. His hands fell heavily to his hips.

"John-"

"We don't need to do this, Elizabeth." He tilted his head away. "I'm leaving."

"This isn't what you think." She tried to cup his chin, wanting to draw his gaze to hers, but he jerked away.

"Really? Because it looks like after a year without speaking to me I just found you shacked up with my brother." John crossed his arms across his chest and Elizabeth's breath caught. She'd seen that look of hostile disdain before, but she'd never once been its direct target.

She arched her brow in silent warning. "Definitely not shacked up."

"Fine. So explain why you're at my family's lake house in Virginia. How is it you even know my brother?"

A flood of heat rushed into Elizabeth's cheeks. She'd almost prefer his anger than to face him with the embarrassing truth. She took a step back, her back thumping against the jeep behind her. She leaned against it and turned her head away, rubbing her temple softly.

The past year had been the hardest of her life. It had been a grueling ride of emotions that she'd never completely recover from. She'd willingly stared death in the face and lost her life on the Asuran home world. Ascension was unexpected, but maybe not entirely unsurprising in light of her sacrifice. She'd jumped at the opportunity to retake her human form, but it was immediately clear that her life on Atlantis would never be the same. The way the crew looked at her, the way John wouldn't look at her. That had been her breaking point. Leaving Atlantis broke what was left of her heart.

"How?" John demanded though clenched teeth.

If he'd used that harsh tone of voice even once after she'd returned, maybe she could have stayed. The awkward politeness had been like salt on the raw wounds of her soul. If John couldn't accept her, she knew she didn't stand a chance at normalcy with the others.

Grudgingly, she turned back towards him. "I went to see them, John. Your dad and brother." Her voice quiet.

"My father died months ago." John's hand washed down his face. "But I'm guessing you already knew that."

"The first visit was within weeks after I'd arrived back on Earth."

"First visit?" He eyed her carefully. "I don't understand. You knew I didn't have a great relationship with them."

"It just felt like something I had to do." She took a deep breath. She could do better than that. "Maybe it was just the closest I could get to you."

His eyes softened and he shifted closer. He leaned in, one palm landing on the window behind her.

"Elizabeth? You all right?" Dave was coming up the drive just steps behind John.

Elizabeth's hand went to John's side, intending to steer him around. As soon as her fingers brushed his side, her intent was forgotten as a long suppressed yearning akin to homesickness flooded her veins. John's eyes stretched with surprise and Elizabeth mentally cursed that silent transparency they'd always shared. It had taken months before he was no longer the first thought in her mind each morning, but she still failed miserably for the rest of the day. He'd become so deeply imbedded within her heart, she didn't stand a chance in hell of ever not loving him, but he didn't need to know that.

Dave cleared his throat, jarring Elizabeth back to the moment. Her hand drifted behind John's back and she urged him around.

"John, I'd like you to meet my best friend. Suzanne, this is-"

"John Sheppard. I'd recognize that wild hair anywhere. Elizabeth and Dave have shown me pictures." Suzanne handed a fresh glass of wine to Elizabeth and threw her arms around John, squeezing tightly. "You're more handsome in person."

"Suze." Dave protested, though his eyes lit up adoringly as they focused on Suzanne. "He just got here, what did I tell you? You're going to scare him away."

"Suzanne." John looked relieved when she pulled away. He met Elizabeth's eyes. "Your friend?"

"And my fiancée." Dave said, pressing a cold beer into John's hand. He then wrapped his arm around Suzanne's waist, drawing her closer. "Sorry to interrupt, but-"

"We thought liquor was in order for the occasion. Also, we considered that show might be easier than tell, as it were." Suzanne held her hand up, displaying a magnificent diamond on her ring finger. Suzanne smiled mischievously and started pulling Dave back towards the lodge. "From the windows it didn't look like talking was going so well, not that we were watching."

John took a long swig from the bottle and started pacing restlessly.

"Don't mind me." Suzanne's voice was light and teasing.

John almost collided with Suzanne as she doubled back. She was the same height as Elizabeth, but with her short wispy blond hair and impish personality, she seemed more petite, almost pixie like. She swiftly recovered John's bag from the back seat, grumbling under its weight.

"Keys." She demanded. "Do you have rocks in this bag or something?"

John's brow arched. "Keys?"

"You can't drink and drive, silly." She stuck her free hand out.

"I've had one sip." He protested. "And put back my bag."

"Just let her have them, trust me, it'll be easier." Elizabeth tucked her head toward his ear and dropped her voice. "You can take my rental if you still decide to go."

"Your friend?" John asked again, looking incredulous. He slowly pulled out his keys and allowed them to drop into Suzanne's hand.

Elizabeth nodded and watched her friend happily waltz away. "Blame it on the wine, they've been celebrating. He just proposed this afternoon. Dave asked me to join them on a hike so I could photograph the moment."

John took another swig of beer and resumed pacing. Even after all this time, she could still easily she could still read the gamut of emotions crossing his face. Anger, relief. A hint of confusion. He paused before the lake and glanced back at her. "You introduced them?"

She nodded and a flash of hurt flickered through his eyes before he spun back around. His hurt she didn't understand and it sparked a flare of anger within her. Two phone calls in the last year. None had come until she'd been back in D.C. for months on the hinge of coming unglued. Suits, treaties, cold drafty rooms. The life she'd had before Atlantis didn't fit her anymore. It had been a little scary, carving out a new path, and she'd desperately needed someone she could actually talk to. She'd needed him. That realization had upset her as much as the void he'd left in her heart. Knowing she was on the verge of saying things that would only embarrass her more, she started walking away.

"Where are you going? I don't think we're finished here." John's voice followed her.

Elizabeth sat the glass of wine down on the deck rail. "I thought finished was exactly what we were, John." She tucked her palms in her back pockets and strode towards him.

"What are you talking about? You didn't call me back."

"Seriously?" John's voice messages had sounded more like gestures of guilt than actual desire to talk. "I sent a message through the SCG when I was first back and got nothing in return. I couldn't exactly call you. You only called me after Rodney visited me months later. He was shocked I hadn't heard from you. I doubt I would have gotten your call the next time you were on Earth if he hadn't have pestered you. All of that didn't exactly inspire me to return the call."

His forehead crinkled and she could only imagine the trains of thought tearing through his mind.

"John, you didn't say goodbye when I left Atlantis. You weren't even in the gate room. What was I supposed to think?"

"We'd just gotten you back, Elizabeth." John's shoulders dropped. "How was I supposed to watch you leave?"

The look in his eyes made her breath hitch. She felt like she'd just been sucker punched in the heart. John flinched and turned on his heel. Without another word, he set off walking towards the lake. She could only imagine the spectrum of emotions that he'd read in her face, her eyes. It had probably overwhelmed him as to see them as it did her to feel them. She'd thought it was over for him when she'd left Atlantis. She'd needed it to be over for her own sanity, not that the denial had actually helped. Her hand pressed to her stomach and she let out the breath she'd been holding. She'd seen it within his eyes, felt it rioting within her heart. Even after all this time, they'd still been holding on to each other, to that tiny flicker of hope. Her head fell back and her eyes surveyed the sky as she waited for her breathing to regulate.

The sky was filled with giant billowy clouds and her eyes fixed on one in particular. It looked uncannily like a dove, the symbol of hope. That thought stirred something deep within her as she tried to conquer her tumultuous thoughts. Though her work still allowed her time to consult with the SCG, she wasn't mentally or emotionally prepared to return to Atlantis and she'd never ask him to leave. That left them at an impasse, just as they'd been a year ago. Reluctantly, she started to accept what was most important trumped the desires of her heart. He didn't have to share her bed to share her life and the bottom line was she needed him to be a part of it, no matter what the color or shape. She brought her eyes back down to the horizon and looked for John. They needed to figure this out.

TBC..

A/N, this is a little different than prior stories, but all I can say is trust me. I think you'll like the journey. I hope you enjoyed the first chapter. I always enjoy reviews *hinthint* :)


	2. Chapter 2

Elizabeth spotted John down at the waterside. He stepped onto the large covered dock and strode past the empty boat slips to the edge of the dock where there was a sitting area and a swimming platform. The boat and jet skis had been winterized and placed in storage for the coming winter, but the kayaks were still neatly stacked on their rack.

Each time Elizabeth walked the grounds of the lake house, she found herself smiling. This estate was a playground for all ages and it was too easy to picture John as a rambunctious child wreaking havoc at every turn. It made her happy to know that he and Dave were mending fences. One day the brothers would have their own children here with them, filling all corners of the large lodge with laughter and mayhem.

The thought of John, his children, brought a lump to her throat and her smile faded. Once upon a time, she'd had dreams of their children. She swallowed deeply and tried to stuff it down. Dreams were a rarity in her new life. Nightmares still plagued her, even after all those months. But today, she had felt good. Great even. For hours on end, she'd forgotten the hell she'd endured in her last months in the Pegasus Galaxy. She wasn't going to let that slip away.

She followed John onto the dock, the ebb and sway of the wood beneath her feet never failing to make her feel off balance. She carefully picked her way towards him at the edge. His arms were crossed and he leaned heavily against a timber post. She sidled up to the adjacent post. The muscles in his arms rippled as he recrossed his arms more firmly and his entire body grew more rigid. She leaned back against the post trying to figure out where to begin.

"It's beautiful here, John. We spent hours on the trails this afternoon, it was amazing. Something about the colors in the trees and the satisfying crunch of fall leaves under my boots, it was as if the world slipped away and for a while I forgot. I forgot Atlantis, the Pegasus Galaxy. Forgot the Asurans."

He swallowed hard at the mention of the Asurans and she paused. Mentioning them probably wasn't the best route to her point, but it was impossible to skirt around it.

"Everything that happened, John, it changed me. My priorities in life now are the people in this compound, you included, and my mother. That's it. Nothing else matters."

John stood stoically beside her. She reached out, but her hand fell short of touching him and she finally clasped her hands tightly before her.

"With all my heart, I wish everything had been different. I should have called you back, even though I didn't really think you wanted to talk. Maybe I could have seen this has been just as hard for you. Maybe a lot of things, but most importantly, maybe we need to let it go."

John's eyes pressed shut. "Fine. I'll head out now."

"You don't understand. What I mean is…"

She paused and took a deep breath. What she wanted and what she could have were on opposite sides of the spectrum right now. If she had any hope of bringing those two points together again one day, they were going to have to start back at square one.

"Look. We were both bogged down in our own heads, our own experiences, trying to deal with an impossible situation and we let this get out of hand." She stepped closer. "So we let it go. We forgive each other, for anything and everything, and we try to move on. Become friends again, even. I've missed you more than you know."

Her voice wavered and she turned away for a quick moment, hastily blinking away the tears that had pooled in her eyes.

"Friends." John's voice was flat and his head fell towards the ground.

"Don't sound so excited, John." Elizabeth pinched the bridge of her nose. They weren't there yet, she shouldn't tease.

John used his foot to push away from the post. "Elizabeth, I need some time to think, to process all of this." He walked past her without meeting her eyes and headed for the sitting area of the dock.

Elizabeth's eyes tracked him. She wanted with every fiber of her being to run to him, throw her arms around him. As it was, she'd be lucky to salvage a tenuous friendship with him, the last thing she could do is push him now. She exited the dock and felt the soft cool grass against her bare feet. It wasn't just the grass that was cool, she realized the air had grown quite crisp as well. She pulled her flannel shirt tightly together, her fingers fumbling as she buttoned it up over her tank. She thought of John's thin t-shirt and frowned. She'd have Dave bring him a fleece jacket and maybe some food. She wasn't expecting John to return to the lodge any time soon.

A few hours later, she settled into a chair alongside the fire pit, watching as Dave coaxed the flames to life. They'd just polished off the dinner Dave had grilled on the deck and they'd decided to forgo the s'mores after the rich meal. Instead, each of them now had an Irish coffee at their side. She pulled the warm mug into her chest and shivered.

Dave looked at her and frowned. "Elizabeth, you're going to freeze. Why haven't you put on your boots?"

"My toes like bonfires, too." Elizabeth laughed. "The heat feels good on my feet, especially after that hike today."

She stretched out and wiggled her toes near the fire. Suzanne put down her coffee and toed off her UGG boots.

Dave spotted her and groaned. "Not you too."

Suzanne pulled off her socks and stretched her feet towards the fire. "Ahhh, toasty. This is nice."

Dave was still shaking his head when he settled into his Adirondack chair. "I wish John would come up, I don't like being outnumbered by you two."

Elizabeth would have sworn he'd added crazy women to the end of the sentence. She pulled a blanket around her shoulders and took a slow sip of the coffee. Her eyes peered over the top of the mug, trying to discretely sneak a glance at John. The full moon gleaned off the lake, casting a warm glow all around the lodge. She could see John, still sitting in the chair on the dock. If he'd touched his food on the table beside him, she'd missed it, but her eyes occasionally glimpsed the outline of a beer bottle going up and down.

"Come closer." Suzanne turned a pouting look towards Dave. He got up and edged his chair closer to hers. She reached out and squeezed his hand. "That's a little better."

Elizabeth looked longingly at the empty seat to her side. Dave wasn't the only one wishing John would join them.

"It's such a beautiful night." Suzanne cast a glance down towards the dock. "Any idea how much longer John will be processing? You said he was smart, shouldn't he have figured it out already?"

Dave almost choked on his coffee. "Suze!"

"Well, I'm just saying… I don't know what I'm saying, actually." Concern flashed through Suzanne's eyes. "Dave, maybe you should go back down there."

Elizabeth shook her head. "Leave him be. There's no easy fix to this."

Suzanne smiled at Elizabeth, her eyes filled with warmth and compassion. "Well, then. I propose a toast."

Elizabeth and Dave held their coffee mugs up towards Suzanne.

"Here's to Irish whiskey."

She paused for effect and Elizabeth couldn't help but chuckle.

"For every wound, a balm. For every sorrow, a cheer. For every storm, a calm."

Oddly soothing, Elizabeth thought. She was definitely ready for the calm after this storm. They stretched to clink their mugs together. She settled deep back into her chair and started to sip.

"Oh, wait. I forgot the last part." A mischievous smile crossed Suzanne's face. "And for every thirst, a beer."

Elizabeth forced down her coffee against her rising laughter. That would have been attractive, she was glad John wasn't there to witness her almost snort coffee through her nose.

"Suze, what the heck?" Dave's eyes were wide with delight.

"What?" Suzanne shrugged. "I spent some time in Ireland just before we met. It was fun."

"Fun." Dave huffed. "Why do I get the impression I don't want to hear those stories?"

They continued talking and Elizabeth gradually tuned them out. Her head fell back against the chair and her eyes turned upwards. Brilliant stars had erupted throughout the sky and Elizabeth wondered if she'd ever stop missing the constellations of the Pegasus Galaxy. She brought her eyes back down towards the fire. Every now and then, the flames would flicker just right and she'd get a glimpse of John. The flames were hypnotizing and slowly the time started slipping away.

It was almost two hours later when she finally moved to leave. She stood up, gingerly stretching her limbs.

"You turning in?" Suzanne was now nestled into Dave's lap in his chair.

Elizabeth's eyes went back to John. He'd moved from the chair and now sat on the edge of the dock, his legs dangling over the side.

"He might come back up if I leave." She gathered her blanket and mug. "I can't have him stuck on the dock all night."

"He'll come around, Elizabeth." Dave's voice was reassuring. "You know John, he's just-"

"Stubborn?" Her brow arched.

"Well, I was going to say he's being an ass, but stubborn will work."

"He's not being an ass." Elizabeth couldn't help but defend John. They were both to blame for reaching this point. "Though he always has been stubborn."

With one last longing look, Elizabeth headed for the lodge. Even with just the light of the moon, it still took her breath away. It was a huge structure of river rock and gorgeous timber that somehow screamed Architectural Digest, but carried with it the warmth of Country Living charm. She went inside, past the large open kitchen and dining room and paused outside the family room. While the huge fireplace was a tempting spot to wait for John, she needed to give him space. She knew he'd find her when he was ready.

The wood floors gleamed beneath her feet as she made her way into one of the guest wings, grateful that Dave and Suzanne would be safely ensconced on the opposite site of the large home that evening. She headed up the stairs and down the hallway before ducking into the library. She'd been eyeing the gorgeous leather bound volumes since she'd arrived. From prior visits she knew there was more than one first edition on the array of shelves. She traced her finger down the spine of a few books and realized she still hadn't managed to read a single title. There'd be no way she could read a book right now even as much even as she needed the distraction.

Instead she headed for her bedroom suite at the end of the hall. It was lakeside and boasted a private balcony. She flipped on the lights and moved through her room to the balcony, compelled to see to see if John had budged. The dock was empty. She edged closer to the rail and spotted him on the shoreline of the lake. Her breath caught, realizing he was looking her way and she cursed softly. She bit down on her lip wondering how to slip away without incurring more embarrassment. She started to step backwards, when he reached up and gave her a slight wave. For a moment, she was thrown back to their first day on Atlantis, remembering when he departed for that very first mission. A smile stretched wide across her face and she waved back. Just as it had been then, it was a start.

TBC...

Special thanks to those who have taken a moment to review. I have most of this story completed, so I should be able to post a new chapter soon. It's becoming one of my favorites and I'm really hoping you will enjoy it as well. Follow the story and you'll get alerts when the next chapters drop.


	3. Chapter 3

The next morning, Elizabeth, Dave and Suzanne stood before the picture window in the kitchen. They all had fresh cups of steaming coffee, minus the whiskey this time, and they were all intently focused at the hammock latched up between two posts of the dock. It hovered precariously close to overlapping the water's edge. From the tension in the straps and the dip of the fabric, it was obvious someone was still hibernating inside. On the dock beneath it, a couple beer bottles lay empty on their sides

"I can't believe he's been out there all night." Suzanne turned towards them, her eyes full of concern. "Isn't he freezing?"

"He's fine." Dave's tone carried a blatant lack of concern, reminding Elizabeth of John when he was talking about Rodney.

"You're a guy, you're not a credible judge of safety." Suzanne jabbed him in the ribs.

Dave sighed in mock exasperation. "Look. That type of hammock is meant for camping. It even has the cover for wind break. He must have jimmied the lock to the storage locker. If he could get to the hammock, he could get to the sleeping bags and they are sub-zero rated. He's fine."

"It's so close to the water's edge." Elizabeth was actually a little uncomfortable even watching. Every now and again, she'd see the hammock sway slightly over the dock's edge, sending a jolt through her heart every time. "Isn't he afraid he'll fall in?"

Dave shot Elizabeth a look that said yeah right. "This is John we're talking about. He is-."

"Fearless." Elizabeth said softly.

"I was going to say an idiot, but I guess fearless contributes to that sometimes." Dave nudged her arm softly. "Don't worry, he's been doing this since we were kids. It made our mother crazy too."

"Maybe you should make a break for it before the beast rises." Suzanne moved away from the window and went to the counter to refill her coffee.

Elizabeth was surprised John wasn't already up, but heaven only knew how long he'd stayed up prowling the grounds of the estate. Last night she'd set her alarm even earlier than normal, hoping to slip over to the stables undetected. She just wanted some quiet time to herself before she faced John and she'd been looking forward to riding again since her last visit.

"Please do, it's always good to see someone riding." Dave's eyes were somber. "We've always kept the horses around, both here and at our place in Connecticut, because Mom loved them. It didn't seem right to give them up."

"And don't worry, I've taken the liberty of hiding all the car keys now. He won't slip away when you're not looking." Suzanne smiled broadly. "Unless he decides to kayak out."

"Or ride out." Elizabeth shook her head, trying not to laugh at the image of John fleeing on horseback. Then she remembered she was the reason he wanted to run in the first place and her smile faded away.

She put her mug in the dishwasher and headed towards the door, working her hair into a low ponytail as she went. "Wait. It's Saturday, right? Isn't Helen coming out today?"

Helen was the semi-retired housekeeper. Dave didn't use the house often enough to employ someone full time and she'd gotten bored in retirement, it had been a great fit. She spoiled them as if they were her own children when they were in residence.

"She's stopping by today with groceries and supplies. How come?" Dave moved to Suzanne's side and ran his hand down her arm.

"I'm going to text her, there are a couple things I'd like her to bring." Not for her, but for John. After being off world for so long, there were a few things he'd particularly enjoy today and she felt some gesture of goodwill might help ease the tension.

"Oh, ok. Sounds good." Dave sounded distracted.

Elizabeth lovingly rolled her eyes as she watched Dave and Suzanne. They were adorably, obnoxiously in love and completely tuning her out right now. Elizabeth escaped the lodge and set out briskly towards the stable.

At the dock:

The bright morning light split through the hammock's wind cover, hitting John directly in the eyes. He gingerly shifted his body within the hammock and groaned. He might be getting too old for this. He unhooked the wind tarp and swung his legs over the side of the hammock. He jumped down, his leaden legs wobbling on the edge of the dock. He pressed his palm to the post and steadied himself. Definitely too old for this, he thought, wiping the sleep from his eyes. In the many years he'd spent estranged from his family, he'd missed camping lakeside. Missed this place. He shielded his eyes and watched the morning sun glisten off the lake, taking him right back to the balcony on Atlantis. It used to be one of his favorite escapes from the bustle of the city, but after she'd left, well. It had never felt right without Elizabeth at his side.

His stomach growled and he realized he was starving. He'd done more drinking than eating last night. That was another thing he was getting to old for, but the shock of finding Elizabeth had sent him into a tailspin and ripped open a wound he'd thought healed. He'd been delusional. The beer had been essential in dulling the sting. While maybe not the most healthy way to deal with things, it was probably the safest way at his disposal last night.

He quickly broke down his little makeshift camp. He threw away the empty bottles and stowed the gear before heading across the lawn. He hadn't actually had many beers, but he felt like hell from the late night and sleeping in the hammock. He undoubtedly looked like hell too. He bypassed the lodge in favor of the pool house, figuring he should clean up before risking running into Elizabeth like this.

He was halfway there when laughter rang across the yard. He followed the noise and spotted Elizabeth at the stables. He couldn't remember ever hearing her laughter so deep and rich. He edged closer until she finally came into full view. His breath hitched as his eyes washed over her. Her elbow was propped on the white fence and her blue flannel shirt flowed open in the breeze exposing the fitted tank top below. He lowered his eyes finding her snug blue jeans clinging to her lower body in all the right places. She looked gorgeous and he instinctively moved towards her. He'd known before it wasn't going to be easy to hold himself at arm's length. Not easy had been an understatement. He'd be lucky if he even managed to keep his hands off her, much less keep his distance, especially if she kept laughing that deep throaty laugh. It was sexy as hell, just as she was in her country attire.

Movement from the corner of his eye brought him to a hard stop. A man stood up beside Elizabeth, he must have been previously concealed by the equipment on this side of the fence.

"Better?" The guy asked. "You're more ticklish than I expected."

"Behave." Elizabeth swatted the guy on the arm. "Yes, it's much better, thank you. I can't remember the last time I had a cramp like that in my leg."

John swallowed hard. That guy had been touching Elizabeth's leg. Tickling Elizabeth's leg. He bit down hard on his lip to suppress the rising growl within his throat. He blinked and slowly eyes his eyes focused on the man with Elizabeth. He looked like he'd just walked off the cover of a country music CD. John wasn't sure if that was good or bad, he was a guy after all, he didn't keep tabs on what women considered good looking. All he knew is that Elizabeth's shoulders were relaxed, her face was beaming with happiness and her laughter was more carefree than he'd ever heard it. Why had he never seen this side of Elizabeth?

John scrubbed his hand down the back of his head. He suddenly felt sick, like he'd been kicked in the gut. Was that guy here with Elizabeth? He couldn't remember a time it had seemed so hard to breathe. He turned on his heel. Until he got a handle on all these conflicting emotions tearing through his chest, he couldn't risk her seeing his face. He still woke up at night reaching for her, but she didn't need to know that.

A few minutes later, John strode into the lodge and headed into the kitchen. Suzanne was perched on the counter cradling Dave between her legs. They were both fully clothed, but were kissing as if their lives depended on it.

John flinched and threw his hands up in front of his face. "Oh, come on. I was going to make coffee on that counter."

"Someone is cranky this morning." Suzanne winked at John. He couldn't figure out just why he was starting to like this woman. She was brash and as much as he wanted to find her annoying, somehow she seemed completely genuine. Her effervescent personality was well needed in this group, he realized, it would help balance out the serious intensity the rest of them tended towards. She certainly seemed to be bringing out a softer side of Dave.

They parted and Suzanne hopped off the counter and stepped aside, making way for John to grab a cup of coffee. He started rummaging around in the cupboard for a mug.

"I left you a plate in the microwave, John." Suzanne said, before kissing Dave on the cheek. "Ta ta for now. I'm going to go make myself beautiful."

"You're already beautiful." Dave smiled like a smitten school boy and John couldn't help but smile himself as he watched him.

"Well, then I'm going to find some soap and deodorant and make myself smell beautiful." Suzanne paused by John's side. "You could use a dose of that yourself. A razor too, I think."

"Suze!" Dave laughed.

"Going. I'm going." She lingered in the doorway a minute before turning and walking back. "No. You know what, I'm not going. I'm still not convinced you won't hot wire your jeep and slip out when I'm not looking and I need information. Elizabeth won't tell us anything beyond the fact that you worked together. Top secret spy stuff or whatever you did do or do do."

Dave burst out laughing and she shushed him. "We're adulting right now, babe. Hit pause on that schoolboy humor."

Suzanne jabbed at the microwave while John poured his coffee. He hoped she was warming up his food, but feared she was the one just getting warmed up. He didn't like where this conversation was heading. It was too early and he needed food, a shower and, quite possibly, an escape route. His eyes scanned the room looking for his car keys.

"Sit." Suzanne nodded towards the bar of the edge of the enormous kitchen island. Dave shrugged. John reluctantly sat down and then only because of the savory aroma coming from the microwave.

"I was in Europe when Elizabeth's mother called me. After talking to her, I booked the next flight home. Elizabeth was..." Suzanne's voice trailed off and she hesitated. "Well, that's Elizabeth's story to tell, if you'll let her. What I want to know is why she was hell bent on tracking down your family when she flinched every time she heard the name John spoken aloud. She said you were close, emphasis on the were, and has refused to say another word. It's all rather maddening really."

She walked over to the island, holding a heaping plate of eggs and bacon. John's stomach growled in appreciation. He reached for the plate, but she held it just out of reach. Silence filled the room and John could hear the seconds ticking by on the antique clock nearby. He finally pushed away from the counter. There was a bar in the family room, he should at least be able to find some stale peanuts there. Anything would be preferable to this.

"Seriously?" She plopped the plate down and her face crumpled in defeat. John almost felt bad, he could see she cared. "Fine. Eat. I've pretty much filled in the blanks on my own. But you might want to hurry and get cleaned up after you eat. Elizabeth is down at the stable with Blaze and, like his name, he is steaming hot."

"Suze!" Dave sputtered through his coffee.

"Which horse is Blaze? Is that the chestnut?" John asked. Dave's reaction confused him, of course, why would she call a horse steaming hot? John mentally shrugged and started shoving forkfuls of eggs into his mouth.

"Blaze is that insanely handsome veterinarian who is doing checkups on the horses this morning."

John choked on his eggs and started coughing.

"He's also a volunteer fireman and he runs the race horse retirement farm out behind his vet practice. He saves the horses from, well. He saves horses."

John sat down his fork and stared dumbly at her. What the hell…

"His nickname is Blaze?" His voice was laced with disdain. Now that was just trying too hard.

"No. That's his real name." Suzanne was completely enjoying his discomfort.

John's hand rubbed against his forehead. "Wait, did you say he's the vet, our vet? So he's not with Elizabeth?"

Suzanne's eyes stretched wide and John realized he'd just tipped his hand.

"He's our regular vet, he comes by once a month to check the horses." Dave shifted uncomfortably after he noted Suzanne's pointed stare. "But he is, umm, fond of Elizabeth."

Suzanne beamed. John stood up and started to back away from the counter. He paused, eyeing the half full plate and sighed before plopping back down. He started in on the bacon and peered up at Suzanne, waiting for the next barrage to begin.

"Bloody Mary?" She asked innocently.

She was changing tactics and his spidey senses went on full alert. It sounded good, though, and he shrugged in consent. Dave had already been gathering the supplies and Suzanne went right to work.

"Spicy, right?" She arched her brow speculatively.

It didn't really sound like she was asking, so he just kept shoveling food in his mouth. He could hear each glug of the liquor as she poured it and he swallowed the last bite, finally understanding. She wanted him nice and liquored up before she began the next round of interrogation.

"On second thought, I'd better find that shower."

Suzanne plunked a straw in the Bloody Mary and pushed it to the side. She sat the glass down and pulled a knife from its stand. John stood to leave just as she started slicing celery.

"All right then, but John? Don't make yourself too pretty. You break her heart again and you'll have to answer to me." She waggled the knife in the air.

"Suzanne, cut him some slack. You've got to let them work through this themselves." Dave nodded toward the door, almost urging John to run while he could.

Suzanne's tone had been light, but her eyes were dead serious. John finally felt a flare of irritation and he headed for the hall. He paused in the doorway. "She's the one who left. She left." He jabbed his finger in the air for emphasis. "She's not the only one who…"

His voice trailed off as he realized Suzanne had finally gotten him to spill. Instead of being pissed, once again, he found it hard to stay annoyed with her. Her eyes had instantly filled with warmth and understanding. He finally decided she was only being a pain in the ass because she, oddly enough, already seemed to care about him too.

Dave, as most guys would, seemed to have already checked out of the conversation. He busied himself finishing the Bloody Mary's Suzanne had abandoned.

John drug his hands through his hair. "Suzanne, has anyone ever told you that you should be a lawyer? You do an exceptional job of backing people into a corner."

"So tell me what corner you want to be in then. Let me help. We're family now, almost. That means I'm on your side too." Suzanne stepped forward. "For whatever it's worth, John, she was a mess when I got to her. Whatever happened when she quit working with you, it wrecked her as much as it may have you."

John sucked in a deep breath and tried to let her words settle into his brain for a minute. Suddenly, the air splintered behind them. Their heads snapped towards Dave as he busted a frozen chunk of ice.

He threw an apologetic look their way for breaking the silence. "And she is a lawyer. So there's that, you know, if you screw it up worse and Elizabeth tries to get a restraining order or something."

"Babe!" Suzanne worked her way back to his side, deftly tucking the vodka out of his way.

John leaned against the doorframe, lost in thought. Actually, he was trying to remember where he was going and what he'd intended to do in the first place. All he could think about was Elizabeth back on Earth without anyone she could really talk to about the hell she'd endured. Not only that, he'd added to that hell. He'd made her leaving all about him. He understood why she left even if he couldn't admit it at the time.

He should have pushed his pride aside and sent the police if that's what it took to get her to pick up the phone. Scratch that, he should have just shown up at her doorstep. He shoved his hands deep in his jean pockets and frowned. What he really should have done, was left Atlantis with her.

~TBC…and soon. I hope you enjoyed. This one is definitely a slow burn, but I think you'll appreciate the wait if you hang in there. Special thanks to all who reviewed, I love seeing your comments.


	4. Chapter 4

John had yet to make it out of the kitchen after his late breakfast. He still leaned against the door frame, deep in thought. Instead of gaining more clarity, if anything the path had gotten murkier somehow. He wasn't sure what to say when he finally spoke to Elizabeth.

"John, how long are you here for?" Dave's voice snapped him back to the present.

"I head back to…work, on Monday."

"Well, we're having our Thanksgiving tomorrow, I hope you'll stay."

John was confused. "Isn't Thanksgiving in a few weeks?"

"Yes, but Elizabeth had just gotten back into town, so we thought why not. Suzanne's parents aren't big on holidays and Elizabeth is heading back to D.C. on Monday to pack up her brownstone before she heads back to work."

"She still in the Middle East?" He didn't relish the idea of Elizabeth going back to work. The thought of her in a hot zone without him made his gut coil.

Dave seemed surprised John knew that. "Yes. Apparently she brokered some big deal, it should alleviate the overcrowding from refugees in Lebanon and Turkey, for a little while anyway. She said something big seems to be brewing in Syria, though."

John scrubbed his hand down over his face. Syria, he thought. Great.

"I wanted to tell you at Dad's funeral, you know. She was there, we never thought you'd make it. When you did, she stayed out of the way. She didn't want to make the day about her, plus Nancy showed up. Anyway, that's why I was really pissed off when you left. It shocked the hell out of all of us when Elizabeth accepted that position with the UN. It would have been good to get your take on that. We weren't entirely sure if she was certifiable or if she was just finally taking control of her life again."

She'd definitely taken control and, as much as he hated the thought of her over there, he was proud of her for being so gutsy. He'd always struggled to picture her in suits spending all her time indoors. After their time in the Pegasus Galaxy, her old life would have been too quiet. Plus, their time on Atlantis had given her experience with the logistics of working with refugees.

Suzanne eyed him suspiciously. "How did you know she's been in the Middle East?"

"Her mother. I went to see her when Elizabeth wouldn't call me back." John admitted.

"You went to see her mother? Catherine never told us. I'm liking you more and more all the time." Suzanne passed him in the doorway, squeezing his arm as she left. "Ok, I'm really leaving now. Time for you boys to chat, I think. And Dave, I expect a full report later, so you guys better suck it up and talk about something other than football."

John exhaled a long breath when she finally left. "She is something else."

"You don't know the half of it. I just wish Dad could be here for the wedding. He loved Suzanne." Dave stuffed a piece of bacon in the final Bloody Mary and handed it to John. "Dad loved Elizabeth too, you know."

John sat the drink down and looked away. It still stunned him to realize Elizabeth had laid the groundwork in mending the rift in his family. "Dad always said Nancy was the best thing I ever did."

"That was before he met Elizabeth. Suzanne is right, we don't really have any idea what your relationship was like. When she spoke of you though…" Dave eyed John carefully. "We got to see who you'd become, through her eyes."

It wasn't just his family, his whole world had changed when people started viewing him through Elizabeth's eyes. From the moment she'd recruited him in Antarctica people had started looking at him differently. He'd changed over the years, matured even in spite of himself, and even he wasn't thickheaded enough to not get it. She made him want to be a better man.

"First time she visited, it was the Saturday after Thanksgiving. Funny, that was almost a year ago now." Dave started cleaning up the remains of the Bloody Mary ingredients. "Anyway, we'd been the only ones in the house for days. It was dreary as hell. Dad practically adopted Elizabeth the moment he spotted her freezing out on the doorstep. I think even then, he may have known his health was declining and she was the closest he could get to you. One weekend she brought Suze-"

"And the rest is history?" John plucked the bacon from the drink. "It's strange. Elizabeth fits into my life better than I ever did."

"Maybe she is just the missing piece that makes you fit." Dave's face scrunched together and he shrugged. "Or, you know. Whatever."

Dave kept shifting uncomfortably and John suspected they'd stumbled into a violation of the men code of conduct. The conversation was definitely left field of their normal safe topics of sports, cars and planes.

"So. Should we drink beer and hit things now? Chop wood or something?" John chomped into his piece of bacon.

Dave's shoulders shook as laughter rolled through his body. "Tell you what, why don't we drink beer and watch football? First games start in an hour."

"Sounds like a plan." Though he did need to make his way to the shower. "Dave? Where did Suzanne hide my bag?"

"Right wing, guest suite. End of the hall on the left."

John made his way to the room and collected his bag before retreating into the bathroom. It didn't take long to get cleaned up and change into jeans and a pullover, but he found himself delaying. He still had absolutely no idea what to say to Elizabeth. He pulled out his laptop and checked his personal email. Only a few thousand messages he'd missed since his last visit to Earth. Most of his important correspondence was funneled through the SGC, but things tended to slip through. There were a lot of emails from his attorney. There were a lot of things from his father's attorney, too. An hour later he headed back downstairs, deciding he'd rather face Elizabeth than continuing to sort through the baggage of his family.

A rich buttery aroma greeted him when he descended from the staircase. He made for the kitchen and found Dave with two heaping bowls of fresh popcorn on the kitchen island.

"Good idea, that smells great." John helped himself to a handful.

"You can thank Elizabeth. She made it before she left." Dave turned to the fridge and pulled out a six pack. "Thirsty?"

"That's my favorite, hand one over."

Dave opened a bottle and handed it to John. "You can thank Elizabeth for that too, she asked our housekeeper to bring it in for you." He started laughing softly.

"What?" John grabbed the beer and a bowl of popcorn. He started walking towards the family room.

Dave grabbed his stuff and followed. "Your face. You look like you just found out the prettiest girl in school has a crush on you and, if you remember correctly, I have seen that look before."

John threw Dave of look of brotherly disgust and otherwise ignored him. They settled in before the TV and John started flicking through the channels looking for the game.

"Where'd she go anyway?" The image of Elizabeth with Blaze crossed his mind and he mentally shuddered.

"She went into town with Suzanne. Suze wanted a pumpkin latte and I think Elizabeth was just still trying to give you some space. You guys clear the air yet?"

John threw Dave a look that said yeah right.

"Think you're going to clear the air? Whether you are comfortable with it or not, she's kind of become part of this family."

John couldn't figure out why Dave was so interested. Maybe Suzanne was expecting another report.

"It's Elizabeth." John stalled, not really sure how he could explain. He sat the remote down and grabbed his beer. He picked at the label and frowned. "Even if we don't clear the air, she'll still always be part of my family."

"Are you just repeating my words?" Dave scratched his head, looking confused.

John sighed. "We've been through a lot together. We might not be in a good place right now, but that doesn't mean we don't care about each other. "

"I'm glad to hear that, because there's something you should know."

Dave got up walked over towards some shelves in the back of the room. He pulled out a glossy folder and headed back towards John.

"Dad had started a new project before he passed. I didn't have all the details until after his funeral. I know we've spoken since then, but this is something I wanted to talk to you about in person."

"Dave, if this is about the will, I already told you that I don't care about the money. I never have to work a day in my life if I don't want to. I have more than I'll ever need from what mom left us. "

"It's not that and he didn't cut you out, so that's definitely another conversation for another day. But he did something a little surprising."

"Is this why my inbox is flooded with emails from our lawyers?" John tugged the collar on his shirt, this conversation was not was he'd been expecting he'd come downstairs.

"That's a safe bet. He'd been working to set up a foundation. He pitched in some of his money and he raised a bucket load more from his friends. It has enough operating capital for a couple years and a board of directors so well connected I can guarantee the funding will never dry up, no matter what she wants to do."

John shifted forward in his recliner. "No matter what who wants to do?"

"He wanted Elizabeth to run it. Having her in the Middle East made his skin crawl, but he seemed to understand she needed to be out on the world doing something. I think maybe deep down, he was trying in his own way to keep her safe for you."

"He…what?" John's mind was spiraling.

"Elizabeth doesn't know yet, we were going to tell her tomorrow when her mother's here."

"Kind of forgot to mention her mother was coming, Dave."

"Yeah, well, you already seem to be on a friendly basis with her, so I doubt it will be a problem."

It wasn't and John instantly let that thought fall away. His Dad, however…John rubbed his chin, still trying to get a grasp on Dave's words. "He created a foundation for Elizabeth?"

"You don't get it yet, do you?" Dave stepped closer. "He created the foundation for you. He felt guilty for everything, thought he'd driven you away. I think he envisioned you and Elizabeth running around and saving the world together. He always got that about you, though he hated to admit, that need to make a difference. He saw it in her too. He was never sure if you were getting that from the Air Force or not, but it seemed like you'd become part of something big. Even so, he figured even you'd have to retire from the Air Force someday. He created a way for you to leave your mark on the world, something that would be there for you whenever you were ready for it."

John's stomach bottomed out just like he was on a roller coaster. Stunned didn't begin to describe how he felt. His father had actually understood him, maybe even better than John understood himself. He felt a fresh wave of regret about his role in the unraveling of their relationship.

Dave looked serious and shifted uncomfortably again. John took that as a sign they were free to leave the heavy stuff behind for a minute.

"So what did he do for you? Buy you the Yankees?"

"I wish." Dave laughed. "I'm easier than you, John, always have been. Probably a bit more boring, but the utilities industry suits me. I'm good at it. Plus, it works well with my life in that it lets me have one."

"A foundation?" John couldn't help himself, he had to ask again. The whole thing just seemed crazy, that type of gesture was way left field of any experience he'd ever shared with his father.

"Drink your beer. Let it sink into that thick skull of yours while we watch the game." Dave dropped the glossy folder on the table near John and returned to his own chair. "All the information is in here. If you decide you'd rather tell Elizabeth, we're on board with that. Just don't run her off."

~TBC and soon. The next chapter, with all those requested explanations, hasn't been an easy one. It's done, I just need fresh eyes to review. Thank you for reading, following, reviewing- Love Love Love seeing your comments. And thanks for your patience, I promise you'll see our favorite couple talking soon.


	5. Chapter 5

_Town square, Saturday afternoon:_

Elizabeth sipped the coffee Suzanne had pressed into her hand. It was heavenly as was this charming small town she'd grown to adore. Quaint little shops dotted the town square and they were all adorned for fall, decorated with giant pumpkins, hay bales and scarecrows. Elizabeth paused outside a shop window, her eyes narrowed in scrutiny at a pair of boots.

"Cute boots, Elizabeth. Nice eye. Come on, let's take a look see."

Elizabeth hadn't really been looking to shop when she'd decided to come into town with Suzanne, she'd been looking to escape the intensity of John's eyes just a bit longer. Still, the boots were a rich, cognac color and the material looked buttery and soft.

Suzanne held open the door and they drifted inside to explore. The shop turned out to be a delightful mish mash of handmade décor from local artisans along with a selection of women's attire and shoes. The sales clerk watched them expectantly.

"She wants to try these in a size nine." Suzanne nodded towards the boots Elizabeth had been eyeing in the window. "I don't think you have hardly any shoes anymore, you gave so much away. All I've seen you in are hiking boots. You need something nicer for our dinner tomorrow, plus they'll go great with the skinny jeans I gave you."

Skinny jeans. Elizabeth sometimes wondered if the world of fashion had lost its mind while she'd been in the Pegasus Galaxy. Still, Suzanne had a point, she needed to pick up a few things. Elizabeth never wanted to see a pantsuit again in her life. She'd donated most of her wardrobe to a charity that helped women prepare for interviews and find new jobs. When she'd packed for this weekend at the lodge, she realized the only clothes she had left were really only appropriate for trekking through the desert or mucking around in the stables.

Elizabeth picked through the racks of clothes while they waited. "Suzanne, feel up to a shopping trip next weekend?"

Suzanne's brows furrowed. "I thought you'd be back overseas by then."

Elizabeth felt a wave of guilt, she should have told her friends by now. "I'm not going back, not with the UN anyway. I spend my last weeks in Ankara training my replacement. I've been offered a job with the State Department that I'm considering, though it would put me back Middle East, North Africa too."

"So, you've quit your job and you want to go shopping?" Suzanne stepped closer and her hand clamped down on Elizabeth's forehead. "You don't feel feverish."

Elizabeth laughed and ducked away. She turned to a rack of necklaces, letting her fingers trail down the delicate strands. "I'm fine. I'm just ready to have a job that's a little more proactive, if that makes any sense. And I'm taking some time off to travel first. You encouraged me to do that before, but I wasn't ready. I needed the noise, the distraction from that kind of job-"

"To keep your mind off a certain rakish pilot? I get it, Elizabeth. My divorce sent me into a tailspin, these things take time."

Elizabeth was quiet. She knew Suzanne wanted to know more about her relationship with John, but she hadn't been able to manage the words. Talking would have made it more real and she'd hardly been able to handle the aftermath pretending it wasn't. What she'd lost with John may have broken her heart, but in reality it had been everything else that had wrecked her mind. How does a person internalize dying and coming back? She could still hardly comprehend all that had happened, much less figure out how to accept who she was, why she was here. Instead, she preferred to focus on making the best of this second chance, making a difference in whatever way she could handle as she healed.

Suzanne pointed at a necklace with green stones and an antique gold chain. "Get that one. And it's okay, you don't have to talk about it."

"You've been talking to John haven't you?"

Suzanne rolled her eyes. "He didn't say much, you don't have to worry."

The sales associate came back with the boots and they moved over to the quirky seating area with overstuffed mismatched chairs. Elizabeth settled in to try them on, mulling over Suzanne's words while she zipped the boots up over her calf.

"Why do you seem content in not knowing suddenly? Suzanne, what did you do?"

"Love the boots, you're totally getting those." Suzanne nodded towards the clerk before leaning back towards Elizabeth. "Umm. Well, I may have had a knife in my hand when I threatened him to not break your heart again."

"Suzanne, you didn't." It would be a wonder if John was still there when they returned.

"Don't forget that I saw you not long after you returned. From the way he reacted, I definitely struck a nerve. He's still raw, maybe even more so than you."

Elizabeth quickly changed back into her own boots. Suzanne's words hammered into her brain triggering a familiar prickling of anxiety that raced down her spine. Images started flipping through her mind like a slide show taking her right back to those final weeks in the Pegasus Galaxy. She'd hardly noticed the shop's music when she entered and now it seemed unbearably loud, as did the voices of the others browsing through the store. She didn't remember the other shoppers being so numerous or seeming so close to her. She stood up and her eyes darted around the store. Everything was too bright. Her heart rate spiked as memories she'd tried to keep buried flooded through her heart and mind. It felt like her head was in a vice grip and she felt dizzy. She just wanted to find a safe place, pull her knees into her chest and tuck herself away from the world.

From the corner of her eye, Elizabeth saw Suzanne hand over her credit card to the clerk.

"Go outside, Elizabeth. Fresh air. I'll be right behind you." Suzanne's hands urged her towards the door.

Elizabeth's legs felt leaden, but she managed to get outside. She turned and planted her back against the brick wall, wishing she could somehow melt into it and become invisible. Suzanne exited the store and hurried towards Dave's Range Rover parked nearby on the street. She shoved the bags inside before prowling around on the floorboards as if looking for something. A minute later she slammed the door, cursing softly under her breath. She jogged back and gently took Elizabeth's elbow, leading her towards a nearby bench and nudging her to sit.

"Elizabeth, you didn't bring your purse. Your pills-"

"You know I hate pills. I haven't taken them in nine months, since I took the UN job. It's just a panic attack, it's not even a bad one. I just need a minute longer."

Elizabeth pulled her knees into her chest and wrapped her arms around them. She rested her chin against her knees and concentrated on breathing and clearing her mind. Suzanne's arm went around her back and she laid her head against Elizabeth shoulder, silently supporting her.

It felt like they stayed there for hours, though Elizabeth knew only a few minutes had passed when she finally pulled her head up. Suzanne eased back and regarded her carefully.

"Better?"

Elizabeth nodded. Almost better anyway. "I haven't had one in six months, it just kind of snuck up on me."

"And six months ago John was in town for his dad's funeral. So were you, though you wouldn't let him know that. That's not a coincidence, Elizabeth, that's a trigger. Look, I didn't push hard before because I thought maybe John was scum, but now I've met him, talked to him. He's one of the good ones. There is something more going on than you're telling me."

The question riled Elizabeth's nerves again and she concentrated on her breathing, trying to settle herself down. It wasn't easy with a sadistic bubble of laughter tickling at her throat. The answers Suzanne was seeking included a foreign galaxy, space ships, evil aliens, death and ascension. It was just as well Elizabeth was bound by confidentiality, because her friend would think her certifiable if she dared utter even one of those words.

"Elizabeth. Please." Suzanne squeezed her shoulder encouragingly.

Elizabeth's hand went to her forehead and she rubbed her temple gently. She took a long deep breath and slowly blew it out. The SGC had carefully scripted a story she was permitted to tell about what had happened on the Asuran home world, not that she'd ever shared it before with her friends or family.

"There was an incident behind enemy lines. I was taken, held against my will." Even the stripped down version sounded crazy in her own ears.

"Whoa, wait. Behind enemy lines?" Suzanne's eyes filled with horror. "But you never-"

"It's still hard to even think about it, much less talk about it. I'm fine now, physically anyway." Only because she'd ascended and retaken human form, not that she could ever explain that.

Suzanne swiveled around in the bench to face Elizabeth. "What happened, did they rescue you?"

"After a few days, I was able to negotiate my release." There was no negotiating with the Asurans, but death had been a release.

"John was with you? Wait, you said physically you're fine now. They hurt you." Suzanne's voice broke.

Tears pooled in Suzanne's eyes. Elizabeth tilted her head away and tightened her arms around her knees. She'd never be able to finish if she kept looking at her friend.

"It was mostly psychological, but I did get...hurt." She rested her chin on her knees again and stared forward. "John blamed himself. He was one of several with me, but I was the only one that was captured. He's never been good at hiding his feelings and the wrong person found out how upset John was by what happened to me. He put two and two together pretty easily. Because of our jobs, we were never supposed to be together and he threatened to-"

"Expose you? For a workplace romance?"

"It's a little more complicated than that." Elizabeth sighed. It was a lot more complicated than that and while she wasn't military, they were knee deep in the gray area that was chain of command.

"How complicated?"

Elizabeth eyes darted towards Suzanne, then back forward. Her friend's tears had almost dried and now Suzanne leaned forward intently.

"It was another Colonel that was stationed… well. He worked with us frequently. He accused John of dereliction of duty because of the breach of protocol, said that he'd let his feelings get in the way. He's wanted John's position for years and he tried to hold him responsible for what happened to me. John already had a black mark on his record and I couldn't allow that to happen. It was my decision, my action that led to my capture. So I resigned. They had no proof we were together for him to make a valid case, but had I stayed, they would have watched us like hawks…and our relationship would have been impossible to hide. I couldn't risk them taking another shot at John down the road."

"I don't understand, you're not military." Suzanne's eyes were wide with disbelief. "Elizabeth, legally we could have fought-"

What was done, was done. There was no point second guessing it now. "I might have resigned anyway, Suzanne. What we were doing was dangerous, what happened to me was hardly an isolated incident. We lost others along the way. I honestly don't know that I could have stayed, not then anyway."

Searching for the right words had made her head start throbbing again. This part of the story hadn't been scripted for her by the SGC because they didn't know. Carter had quashed it, firmly putting Caldwell in his place.

Suzanne pulled a water bottle from her purse and offered it to Elizabeth, but she shook it off.

"Wait, you said you made the decision that led to your capture? Was the military working with you or for you?" Suzanne slowly blew out a deep breath. "Never mind. I know you can't answer that, but I'm starting to figure out why they wouldn't be thrilled that you and John were together."

Elizabeth needed to be more careful, Suzanne's mind was as sharp as they came.

Suzanne ran her fingers through her wispy blond hair, her eyes narrowed in concentration. "So why didn't you fight, Elizabeth? It sounds like you were in a position of some power or influence."

"I couldn't be certain. I'd already been replaced, they weren't sure I'd be coming back. I wasn't willing to risk his career over it."

"Are you sure he wasn't willing to risk his career to fight?" Suzanne asked. "He was definitely not happy that you left."

"Well he did a good job hiding it at the time. It had been different between us after the incident. After I returned to work, he seemed uncomfortable even being in the same room with me. He wouldn't even look at me."

"That makes sense, you said he blamed himself."

Elizabeth wasn't sure how much longer she could keep this up. She took a deep breath and continued. "Even so, John's never been one to stand down when he didn't like an outcome. When I told him I'd resigned, that I'd be leaving, he turned on his heel and left without a word. I just thought it was over for him. I didn't see him again before I left, didn't see him again until yesterday."

A whole year since she'd seen him, she could still hardly believe it. Hot tears slipped from her eyes. She tried to discreetly wipe them away, but Suzanne had already noticed and pulled a tissue from her bag. She gently dabbed the corners of Elizabeth's eyes before pressing the tissue into her hand.

Suzanne's thoughtful expression suddenly grew more serious and her mouth slowly opened. Elizabeth recognized that look. It was the same look Suzanne got when she made a breakthrough in a lawsuit she'd been working on.

"Oh my god, Elizabeth." Suzanne's hand darted to Elizabeth's shoulder. "I couldn't figure out why it was so hard to scrape you off the bathroom floor a year ago and now I'm not entirely sure why you're not still there. You didn't just have a broken heart, you had PTSD."

Elizabeth nodded slowly in confirmation. That was the diagnosis her psychologist at the SGC had given her. She'd done intensive therapy her first month back and still spoke with the psychologist every other week. With the exception of nightmares, she really was doing better. She'd told Suzanne the truth, it had been six months since the last panic attack. Today, she'd done everything the doctor had taught her to do and the attack had passed quickly.

"I'm so sorry. I gave you such a hard time. I thought this was all about a broken heart and I know you better than that." Suzanne put her arm back around Elizabeth's back and hugged her. "Do you still have PTSD, is that why you are still having panic attacks? I don't know much about it."

"They say it varies, that it always stays with some people. I wouldn't have passed the psych evaluation to take the job in the Middle East if it wasn't manageable."

"I can't believe you've shouldered all this alone for so long. John doesn't know, does he?" Suzanne's arm tightened around her. "You have to tell him."

"No and you can't tell him either. He carries enough blame, I'm not adding to that. And it would probably be better if you didn't tell Dave what happened." Her heart jerked. "Or my mother, Suzanne. You can't tell my mother."

"I won't tell your mother." Suzanne withdrew her arm from around Elizabeth. She tucked her knees into her chest just as Elizabeth had beside her. Elizabeth rubbed her temple again, enjoying the silence. She hadn't been prepared to go down this road today and telling her story had taken a toll on her.

After a few minutes Suzanne turned her head towards Elizabeth, her smile encouraging. "And now you've quit your job and are going to travel."

Elizabeth shrugged and nodded her head. She had a healthy stockpile of savings and she'd decided to finally sell her brownstone in Georgetown. It was a little scary, the thought of being an adult with no permanent address, but she'd hardly spent any time there in the past five years. Time to cash in on that investment. If she turned down the job with the State Department, she could keep traveling almost indefinitely. She could easily consult with the SGC from wherever she was around the world. As delightful as that idea was, Elizabeth wasn't sure it would be enough to keep her mind busy and keep her soul sated. She wanted to do more, make a difference somehow.

"Well, okay then. I guess we're going shopping next weekend." Suzanne nodded.

Elizabeth's body finally relaxed and she allowed her feet to drop back to the ground. "It would probably be best if you pretended to not know any of this. John would be suspicious if you stopped pestering him suddenly."

Suzanne stood up and took Elizabeth's hand, drawing her onto her feet and they started towards the car. "Why on earth would I stop? I still don't have any details about you and John. Tell me how you two got together. Oh..I want to hear about the first kiss. And I really want to know about the first time…"Suzanne bumped her hip sideways against Elizabeth's and smiled mischievously. "You know. I need all the sordid details."

The words had been one hundred percent Suzanne, but her tone was subdued and her smile was still not at full strength. She was trying hard for Elizabeth. Still, even the faded version of Suzanne's impish demeanor was an antidote to the somber conversation.

"Suzanne, what would I have done without you this year?" She put her arm around Suzanne's waist and pulled her into a brief hug as they walked.

She released her and Suzanne walked around to the driver side and climbed in the car. Elizabeth paused and took another long look around this charming town she'd come to adore. She wished she had some more time to spend here, but hopefully she'd make it back one day. She pulled open her door and settled into the passenger seat. She turned to secure the seat belt and found Suzanne's questioning eyes upon her again.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes in what she hoped was a loving manner. "You get one last question, make it count, Suze."

"Why did you want to find John's family?" She asked.

Elizabeth sunk into the deep seat of the car. "There wasn't a way for me to be part of John's life. I just needed to know he'd have family there for him, because I couldn't be."

Suzanne was uncharacteristically quiet, so Elizabeth tried again.

"Things weren't good between them. I don't think it was Dave so much, but his father had been hard on John, never approved of his choices." She rolled her head back to the side to meet Suzanne's eyes. "I thought if I could show them John through my eyes, that maybe they would see past the walls John had built up to see the man he'd become. I never dreamed they'd welcome me the way they did, to make me part of their lives. I know it must seem strange, but it didn't feel strange and somehow it made me feel better."

"It was the closest you could get to him. Well, Elizabeth, thank you for being strange. I'd like to think you were meant to meet them and become part of their lives. I'd have never met Dave without you."

That was something. If nothing else, one wonderful thing had come from it all.

Suzanne smiled warmly and swiveled back to start the car. As they traveled down the country highway towards the lodge, the companionable silence and the motion of the car started lulling Elizabeth towards sleep. Between the intensity of the conversation and the panic attack, she was exhausted. She wondered what the odds were of dodging John for just a few hours longer. With any luck, she could sneak in a nap when she returned to the lodge and face him once she'd restored some order to her heart.

 _Back at the lodge, late afternoon._

John blinked open his eyes. He warily looked around, finally remembering where he was as the fog of sleep cleared. A different game was on the TV. He'd barely seen any of the first. He'd stared at the screen, drank the beer and ate the popcorn, but the football had been like white noise against the train wreck of his mind. He looked down and started dusting crumbs of popcorn from his lap.

"Sleeping beauty awakes." Dave chided.

John turned his head and groaned from the stiffness of his body. He stood up carefully, gingerly testing his limbs. He needed to stop crashing in random places. He had a perfectly good bed upstairs, and in spite of his unscheduled nap, more sleep sounded pretty damn good right now. It had warmed up since that morning and John tugged off the pullover wore over his t-shirt.

"They back?" John asked, shaking more popcorn crumbs from the shirt he held, before laying it over the arm of the chair. His legs had the whole pins and needles thing going on and he had to take a second to let the sensation past. "I've got to grab some shut eye."

"You've been sleeping for hours." Dave's voice was incredulous. "Yes, they're back. Our housekeeper left a deli sub in the fridge for you. You completely slept through lunch."

What Dave couldn't know is how little actual sleep John was getting these days. He'd always been a light sleeper, but after Elizabeth left it had gotten worse. Somehow in the last twenty four hours, he'd managed to catch more quality sleep than he had in months on Atlantis and he knew he could still use some more.

His stomach rumbled and John redirected his footsteps towards the kitchen. He grabbed a bottle of water and the sandwich from the fridge. He scarfed it down at the sink, staring down at the lake through the windows. It had been a few years since he'd been on Earth in the fall and he'd forgotten just how nice it could be. He glanced at his watch. He could catch up on some sleep and still be awake in time to get back out there.

John headed upstairs and down the long hallway. He'd just reached his room, when movement pulled his eyes towards the right. The door to bedroom directly across from his was standing wide open and Elizabeth lay stretched out on the bed. She looked like a college student with her concert t-shirt and black leggings. She stretched sinuously as she rolled onto her side facing away from door and he couldn't keep himself from stepping closer. One of her hands rested upon her hip, her fingers loosely grasping her phone. Wires from the earbuds trailed up toward her ears.

John moved without conscience effort. He dropped onto the bed and rolled onto his back beside her. He plucked one of the earbuds out and put it in his own ear.

"Hey." She protested sleepily, but she didn't kick him or try to throw him out. That was promising. She didn't seem that surprised to find him beside her. She rolled onto her side to face him and moved her remaining earbud from her left ear to her right, allowing the wire a little more slack so they could both listen.

On Atlantis, John was never aware it was actually the weekend, all the days tended to blend together. He'd never thought to wonder what it would be like to spend a weekend with Elizabeth, especially a weekend on Earth. If he would have, lazy afternoons in bed like this would have gone to the top of his to do list.

John took her phone and frowned when prompted for passcode. It was a new phone, but he plugged in the four numbers for his birth month and date wondering if it still worked. He threw Elizabeth a smirk when the phone opened up to her home screen allowing him access to her music playlist. She just rolled her eyes at him and scooched closer keeping a close eye on him while he poked at her phone.

"My brain was too tired to pick a new passcode after I set up my phone." She explained.

"You still have the music I added in your playlists."

Elizabeth poked him in the ribs. "Don't let it go to your head. You just happen to not have terrible taste in music."

John nodded down towards her shirt. "Did you get to see them live?"

Her face lit up. "Yes, last time I was in the states. Someone from work had tickets."

Someone from work. John had been someone from work. He actually hadn't thought about it before, but he realized Elizabeth was hardly by herself in the Middle East. NATO troops would be assigned to her contingent as a safeguard. It wasn't like Elizabeth was over there looking to meet someone, but then again, she hadn't been looking to meet him either. Just as when he'd seen her with Blaze, the thought of her moving on was like a kick in the gut. He still couldn't imagine his future without her in it, but he wasn't sure she shared that same hope, not anymore.

John tried to push those thoughts away. He scrolled through the songs on her playlists and his thumb paused over _Everlong_.

"Not that one, John." Elizabeth pressed her eyes shut, but she didn't move away. Her voice was heavy with fatigue.

Right. Probably hadn't been her favorite song since they'd let each other go. He set the playlist back to shuffle and settled back against the pillow.

"You look tired." Elizabeth peered up at him through her thick lashes and his gut clenched. She was too damn adorable for her own good. She yawned and smiled sheepishly. "I'm exhausted."

"You have some new freckles." He reached out as if to point them out and she wrinkled her nose and swatted his hand away.

"Well, you have some gray hair." Her voice was soft, her words came slowly. She hadn't been kidding about the exhausted.

John reached up to his hair. "It's a good look for me, though. Right?"

Elizabeth blinked and shut her eyes again. "I've been in a dust bowl for the better part of nine months, I think clean is attractive at this point." Her voice had fallen to a whisper.

"More like a sand box. Like when you've been to the beach, at the end of the day you still have sand imbedded everywhere. I could never get rid of it." He vividly remembered his time in Afghanistan. He wished she hadn't brought his thoughts right back to her work. "I wanted to talk to you about that actually."

Elizabeth's eyes flashed open and her brow arched towards him. He got the message. Not now. They were actually enjoying the first moment of peace they'd had in over a year. No need to dive right into to a subject guaranteed to leave them prickling. His lips pressed together and he nodded.

She seemed to relax and her eyes closed again. "Will you just sit here with me for a minute?"

John scrunched around in the bed, settling his head more comfortably against the pillow. He took her phone and moved the music over to a mellow playlist. Her breathing grew shallow and he found he couldn't take his eyes off her. The gentle rise and fall of her chest as she slept calmed a tension within him he'd hardly been aware he still harbored. How could he have ever taken this for granted? It was a gift, this absolute tangible proof that she was alright, that she was safe. It would only be better if she was within his arms. He reached for her without even thinking. Instead of waking and pushing him off when his hand closed around her knee, she shifted forward so her knee rested upon his thigh.

His hand closed more firmly around her leg from pure force of habit and he held his breath, hoping he hadn't woke her. A moment later John carefully blew out the deep breath he'd been holding. Her body had stilled again save for the constant rise and fall of her chest. His eyes were heavy, but he worked to stave off sleep. She'd said something about being friends last night and he was pretty sure the kind of friendship she had in mind didn't include napping while he held her tight. He might not get another chance.

 _An hour later:_

"See, I told you they were all right." Dave said as they peered through the open door to Elizabeth's bedroom.

Elizabeth was on her side somewhat sprawled across John as they slept. John tightly grasped her leg, holding her firmly in place. Elizabeth slowly rolled onto her other side and John drifted along with her spooning her closely. Suzanne watched the muscles in his arm ripple as they closed back around Elizabeth, pulling her tight against his chest.

Oh dear, she marveled. Dave was wrong. This wasn't all right. Her friend was in dangerous territory here. Neither John nor Elizabeth had blinked an eye as they resettled, neither had awoken. Their bodies had moved on a familiar auto-pilot that was more telling than anything John and Elizabeth had yet to say about their previous relationship.

Maybe she should stop pushing, she had a feeling she'd only just scratched the surface of the depth and complexity that bound those two together. She'd already witnessed the fallout once and after talking to Elizabeth today, she realized they'd obviously gone through a lot together. She probably shouldn't have been so surprised to discover just how intense the bond between them really was. On the other hand, they were both pretty stubborn individuals. Maybe her kick in the pants was exactly what they needed to set the past aside so they could find each other again. She smiled as she watched them. Looked like it was working so far.

"Maybe we should lock them in." Suzanne mused aloud.

Dave's neck snapped back in surprise. "Are you kidding? John would ruin the sheets using them to rappel out the balcony."

"At least shut the door. Maybe they'll take advantage of the privacy." Suzanne wiggled her brow suggestively.

"Come on, that's my brother. She's like my sister." Dave reached forward and quietly pulled the door shut. "On the other hand, that is definitely something I don't need to see."

She started to laugh and Dave covered her mouth with his own to silence her.

Dave pulled away and cupped her chin. "Come on, let's get out of here. The kids are asleep. We can sneak in some quality time of our own behind closed doors."

"Now that is the best idea you've had all day." Suzanne grabbed Dave's hand and dragged him along with her down the hall.

~TBC. I hope you enjoyed. I know it was long and that a big chunk of this chapter was heavy, but hopefully I left you with a glimpse of the light. Thanks for taking the time to read and comment!


	6. Chapter 6

_A/N: Just in case you missed it, Chapter 5 is posted, though it didn't appear as an update. Kind thank you to the reviewer who gave me the heads up. :)_

 _Saturday night…_

It was dark when Elizabeth's eyes fluttered opened. Strong arms were folded around her, holding her firmly back against a wall of muscled heat. She must be still asleep, still dreaming. It was warm, so warm. She felt cocooned by a sense of safety and security she hadn't felt in a long time. Her eyes slowly adjusted to the soft moonlight that filtered through the windows. Thoughts of the afternoon stirred through her sleepy mind and her heart seized, remembering John settling into bed beside her. She'd been exhausted, emotionally spent after her afternoon with Suzanne, but now every molecule in her body was wide awake and on full alert. This was real, he was real. Her brain screamed for her to jump out of his arms and run as far as she could, but the rest of her unwittingly leaned into his heat. His arms tightened around her and a tear slipped from her eye.

Memories of their time together had always been painful and Elizabeth had tried to block as much as she could. Within his arms, though, it was impossible to not think of all the nights they'd shared. He'd loved her with both a tenderness and a ferocity that took her breath away. He'd left an imprint on her heart that could never be completely washed away and she'd come to accept that, but she couldn't feed that fire now. She somehow summoned her strength and eased out from beneath his arms.

He groaned softly in protest. "Where are you going?"

His voice was deep, raspy and sexy as hell. She drew in a slow breath before responding. What she really wanted to do was dive back into his arms.

"I'm hungry. I'm going downstairs." She finally managed.

He grunted something unintelligible in return and Elizabeth realized he wasn't really even awake yet. The nerves on her skin still hummed pleasurably from feeling his body pressed against her own and her willpower was MIA. She needed to leave and quickly. She glanced at the clock on the bedside table as she opened the door. 8 p.m. They'd slept for hours. She pulled the door quietly shut and set out for the kitchen. She didn't know about him, but for her, sleeping like that was nothing short of a miracle. She was still prone to nightmares and unless she took the dreaded sleeping pills, her sleep was usually fitful at best.

Downstairs it was quiet. Soft lighting illuminated the halls and she tiptoed her way into the kitchen. She bypassed the bright overhead lighting and instead went to turn on the light over the sink. It cast enough light to move easily throughout the entire space without the harshness that made her eyes wince at this time of night. Her eyes fell on a lone bottle of red wine on the kitchen island. There was a tiny scrap of paper sticking out. Curious, Elizabeth stepped closer.

Suzanne's familiar scrawl filled the paper. "You two looked comfy, we didn't want to wake you. We've gone out for dinner. The fridge is full. Eat, drink and misbehave. We'll be late."

The word misbehave had been underlined three times and Elizabeth couldn't help but laugh. Even better, she noted, they'd opened the wine. She poured a glass and eyed the huge fridge cautiously. Elizabeth was big fan of take out for a reason. It wasn't that she didn't like to cook, it was just that she'd never really learned. She did, however, like to bake.

She went to the pantry and poked around until she found all the dry ingredients she needed. She piled them on the island and went to dig out the bowl and spoon. Suzanne's phone and headphones were on the counter by the stove, she must have forgotten them when she'd left for the night. Elizabeth set the oven to pre-heat and helped herself to the phone. She'd left her own upstairs and it was entirely too quiet. She slipped on the earbuds. She needed some music, anything to distract her from her current semi-obsessive thoughts of the sexy man she'd just abandoned alone in her bed. The thought gave her pause. She took a sip of wine and wondered if she was out of her mind. She could still go back…

The music kicked on full blast and Elizabeth almost dropped the wine. What the hell? Her eyes dropped to the playlist. Ahh, it was Suzanne's workout playlist. Elizabeth's shoulders started to shake of their own volition and she slowly started nodding her head to the beat. This would do nicely. She slipped the phone in the back pocket of her running capris, freeing her hands to pull the eggs and butter from the fridge. By the time she was closing the oven door on the first batch of cookies, the rest of her body had caught up and she danced around the kitchen, feeling the tension slowly slip away. She used her finger to scoop a bite of batter out of the bowl.

Just as she stuck her finger in her mouth, she spun back towards the island and found John standing beside it, staring at her with a lusty ferocity beyond anything she'd ever found in his eyes before. The intensity of his stare sent a rush of heat into all the parts of her body still regretting leaving him alone in her bed. His eyes molted darker as she pulled the finger from her mouth and he moved towards her. She'd barely sat the bowl down before his lips crashed against her own. His hands gripped the sides of her face holding her tight against the barrage of his mouth. Kissing him stirred a hunger within her she'd long hoped quelled and she rose up on her toes, responding as if she was starving and his lips were the only thing in the world capable of sustaining her.

Her hands roamed down his chest and upon discovering the loose hem of his shirt, they moved beneath and traveled upwards touching, teasing his bare skin. Her nails dragged against a sensitive spot and he groaned into their kiss. His hands fell to her waist and he reached behind her cupping her hips and pulling her lower body flush against his. His hands moved again and the air flooded with upbeat dance music as he jarred the earbuds free from the phone.

Elizabeth jerked back and grabbed the phone from her pants intending to lower the volume or better yet, turn it off altogether. The earbuds had already been knocked loose and she swept them aside, they clattered forgotten onto the floor beside her.

"This is what you were dancing to?" John snatched the phone from her hand and sat it on the island. His eyes lusted over her body appreciatively. "I could have watched you all night."

His voice rasped sinfully and Elizabeth's breath caught as she stood locked beneath his eyes. He'd never looked at her quite like this before and god help her if he didn't stop soon. "Suzanne's playlist. I…"

Somehow they'd both closed the gap between them and his lips fell hot on hers again. His hands reached below her hips and he lifted her off the ground. Her legs locked behind his back and her arms grasped his neck as she anchored herself to him. He took a few steps, missing the island, but a moment later her back lightly struck the door frame. He broke their kiss and pressed his forehead against hers, while they both sucked in gulps of air.

He nudged her nose with his and he started kissing her again. Slow and deliberate, his mouth now worked against hers somehow infused with even more intensity given the maddening pace. Her fingers stretched into his hair and her fingernails razed his scalp, his responding groan rumbling enticingly between their lips. His mouth became more insistent, their kiss deepened and grew more ragged. Elizabeth shimmied her hips down against his waist, yearning for the full press of his body against hers. He cursed softly, pulling away only long enough to resettle them, letting one of her legs fall back to the floor.

The angle was a little better, but she still didn't feel the pressure she'd been seeking. Her whimper of protest was drowned when his lips claimed hers again, his tongue plunging deep into her mouth. His hand kept a tight grip on her leg that was still hooked around his hip, while the other slid beneath her shirt. His palm skimmed up along her ribs and she shivered as his thumb dusted against the swell of her breast. She tightened her leg around his lower back and he shifted forward, grinding his hips against her own. Their mouths popped as she broke away, gasping from the pleasurable friction of their bodies. His free hand still wandered tortuously beneath her shirt and her senses suddenly overloaded. The taste, the feel of him overwhelmed her and she could barely breathe. Her head fell back against the door frame and his mouth moved to her neck, blazing a hot trail down towards her collarbone.

She must have started coming to her senses, she could almost really hear the alarm in her head trying to rouse her from this intoxicating haze. John's growl of frustration rumbled against her neck and Elizabeth slowly remembered the cookies. The timer! She untangled herself from John and darted to the oven. She pulled out the first tray and dropped the tray heavily, it landed somewhat askew on the stove top. She turned back around, her breath falling in heavy pants as she fought to regulate her breathing. John's eyes still smoldered deliciously and she shuddered under the weight of his stare. Breathing normally was not going to be easy with him looking at her like that. She vaguely realized the music had stopped, it must have reached the end of the playlist.

"Isn't there another tray?" John nodded to the counter behind her.

"Oh. Right." Her voice was still breathless. She swiveled and popped the last batch of cookies in before turning back to John.

"Timer?"

He was still struggling to catch his breath, but she didn't miss the knowing smirk that stretched across his face. He knew exactly how much he'd affected her and he was enjoying every minute of it. She rolled her eyes and pivoted back to the stove, jabbing to get the timer set. This time, she decided, she wasn't turning back around. She needed a moment to get a grip. What the hell had she been thinking? She couldn't do this, this was crazy.

John edged up behind her, his hands trailed down through her curls onto her shoulders. He swept her hair gently to the side and started slowly massaging. Her eyes pressed shut as the knots in her neck loosened beneath his touch. This was crazy, she reminded herself. Nothing had changed. In a few days he'd be in a different galaxy and she'd be back on the bathroom floor starting over. His hands moved down her back massaging as they went, sending waves of heat radiating in his fingers' wake. Crazy, she tried again. It sounded weak, even to herself.

He turned her around and cupped her chin, drawing her face up to his. There was an all too familiar look on his face now and her knees almost buckled as she drank from the love emanating from his eyes. Tears sprang to her eyes and the faster she wiped, the harder they fell. She finally gave up and dropped her head, resting it against his chest. She felt him press a kiss into her hair and then he wrapped his arms around her back, before pulling her closer and holding her tight.

"Sorry." He kissed her head again. "I'm sorry, Elizabeth. I didn't come downstairs expecting to-"

"Ravage me?" Elizabeth's voice was muffled. "I'm hardly complaining."

"I sense there is a but coming."

She rested against him for a minute, drawing deep breaths and willing away her tears. With a final deep breath, she pushed away from his chest and wiped the last tears from her eyes.

"I can't do this." Her voice broke and her heart wrenched painfully. "You're leaving in a few days."

"And there it is." John turned away, dragging his hand through his hair. "You could come back. To Atlantis"

He turned back to face her and she could tell from the weight of his eyes he already knew she wasn't ready to do that.

"There has to be another option. I can't go another year without speaking to you."

She could hear the anguish in his voice.

"So don't. We made this year harder than it had to be. We started out as friends, John. I don't want to lose that, lose you any more than I already have. We have to try."

A stray tear slipped with her words and John gently brushed it away with his thumb. The timer started blaring and John moved past her to the stove. He stopped the timer and pulled the cookies from the oven.

"Maybe I should go." Elizabeth leaned against the island. "It might be easier than trying to-"

"Keep our hands off each other?" John bit into one of the cookies from the first batch and turned back towards her. "Your mom is coming tomorrow, you can't go."

"Maybe you should go." Elizabeth bit down on her lower lip, already regretting her words.

"I'm not going anywhere." John chomped off another bite of the cookie, seemingly nonplussed by her recommendation.

"This is going to be hard." Impossible, she thought.

"Torture. It'll be torture." John wiped the crumbs from his mouth and planted his hands on his hips. "But if it means I can be near you, even just a little longer, it'll be worth it."

Her mouth opened and she started to speak, but she couldn't summon any words.

"C'mon. We can do this. You're right, we have to try. That means we have to get used to being around each other eventually."

He sounded amazingly blasé now and Elizabeth felt slightly off kilter at his swift change of pace. She raised her eyes to his and sucked in her breath when they locked. She could read a tumultuous swirl of emotions that echoed that sadness that coiling within her heart. Her heart jerked in response. Ohhhh. They could so not do this.

"Don't look at me like that, Elizabeth." Desire laced through his husky voice and still weighed heavy in his eyes.

She didn't think she could ever dig deep enough to ask him to stop looking at her like that. "Maybe you should turn around." She finally managed.

He laughed and actually obeyed, she felt some of the tension start dissipating from the air. Ahh. He was grabbing another cookie, she realized.

Her stomach growled. "Hand one of those over."

John held the cookie up over his shoulder and she snatched it, being careful not to brush his fingers.

"Did I miss dinner?" John asked. "Not that I'm not enjoying the cookies."

Elizabeth swallowed down her bite. "Dave and Suzanne went out. We've been left to fend for ourselves."

"So you decided to bake?"

There was a lot she and John had missed out on during their time together. All the typical couple type activities had been bypassed in favor of stolen moments and brief interludes between bouts of impending death. That didn't leave a lot of time for the normal rites of couple hood. As well as they knew each other, there was a lot still left to learn.

"I was always working and there were always a dozen places within a mile that delivered and…" Her voice trailed off.

"You never learned how to cook?" John turned to her. An incredulous smile stretched across his face.

"You're looking." She reminded him.

"You were actually serious about that?"

Elizabeth shrugged. His eyes were dangerous things, they told her delicious secrets she didn't have the strength to hear.

John shook his head, but turned away and headed to the fridge. "Let's see what we've got." He started rummaging around.

Elizabeth took advantage of the reprieve and picked up her glass of wine. "You know how to cook?"

"I'm not a Michelin rated chef, not by far, but I can get by." John started piling ingredients by the stove, being careful to keep his back to her.

Elizabeth realized now how ludicrous it had seemed, asking him to turn away, but she had to admit, she was actually finding it helpful.

"When I was a kid, I missed dinner more often than not. My dad and I, well. You know that story. I'd slip down the kitchen after they'd all gone to bed to make myself dinner. I make a mean turkey sandwich. Grilled cheese. Burgers when I was older. Omelets have always been easy. Just dump a bunch of stuff in the pan and bam." John's head turned from side to side. "You know where the bowls are? Been a few years since I've been here."

Elizabeth pulled a bowl from the cupboard and a whisk from the drawer and passed them over. John started cracking eggs and she settled into a stool at the island, watching him intently. She might have spoken too soon. Even though she couldn't read his eyes or see his face from this angle, there was something about seeing him completely comfortable in a domestic situation that tugged at her heart. It was too easy to let reality fall away and to imagine this was their life, their home.

John cleared his throat and Elizabeth wondered if his thoughts had taken a similar journey in their silence.

"What else does Suze have on that phone?" He asked.

Good call, she thought. They needed all the distractions they could get. She thumbed through, finally settling on the playlist called the 90's. With any luck, the songs leaned more towards more noise than heart.

A few minutes later John turned sideways and extended her a plate. Bam indeed, she thought, the omelet looked and smelled amazing. She turned sideways on the bar stool, directing her eyes towards the door frame and family room beyond. She heard John drop his plate on the island beside her own.

He chuckled softly as he sat down beside her. "So we're really doing this not looking thing?"

She felt him shifting in the stool and suddenly his back was pressed against hers.

Elizabeth shrugged. "Well, you're laughing. That's a start. And I've stopped crying, which is good. Not only is it supremely annoying, but it also gives me a hell of a headache."

"Well then. Here's to laughing and not crying."

John's elbow brushed his and she realized he was holding up a bottle of beer. She held her wine glass off to the side and they awkwardly toasted. Her back pushed harder into his as laughter rolled through her body.

"So what do you want to do next?"

"Hmm?" Elizabeth had a mouthful of food.

"I slept all day, I'm wide awake. What do you want to do?"

Elizabeth needed more wine before she could honestly answer that question.

"I could get a fire going outside, you seemed to enjoy that last night."

She didn't remember him sneaking in any glances last night. She had enjoyed the fire, but fires were romantic. All that flaming heat and the light illuminating his face. No. Just no.

"Hard pass." She was still shaking her head.

"Hard pass? Whose been teaching you these things? Never mind, I don't want to know." His back shook with laughter. "All right, fair enough. I guess that eliminates all outdoor activities. Full moon tonight, kind of like nature's own candlelight."

Elizabeth pushed her plate aside. "I might just go do some reading. You can prowl around outside again, do whatever manly things you do out there."

"Nope, you're stuck with me tonight. If we're going to be miserable, we're going to figure out how to be miserable together." John stood up and gathered their dishes. She heard his footsteps going towards the sink.

"You really are a hopeless romantic." She smiled. Miserable together it was.

"How about a movie?" John paused behind Elizabeth and picked up her wine glass. "Come on. You can pick. We can sit on opposite sides of the huge couch and you don't have to look at me if you don't want to."

John moved into the family room and, against her better judgement, she followed. He put her wine glass down on an end table and moved to the back of the room, scanning through bookshelves of movies.

" _Princess Bride_?" He held up the box.

She arched her brow at him in warning. Not only was he looking at her, he was holding an adorable romantic movie.

"Hard pass?" He laughed and slid the movie back on the shelf.

After a few more tries, John threw up his hands in defeat. "You're up. Let's see what you got."

John edged away and gave her some space. Her eyes scanned the shelves looking for something safe, but everything seemed to carry an element of love, lust or touched on deeper subjects and she just wasn't up for the heavy societal messages carried in certain academy award winning films. Her finger trailed the spine of one movie more than once and finally she shrugged and pulled it from the shelf. She kept her eyes cast downward as she walked towards the couch, holding out the movie to John as she passed.

"You sure about this?" He sounded skeptical.

"I'm sure."

"What about your nightmares?"

Though amplified after her experience on the Asuran home world, her issues with nightmares were familiar to John. They'd started just after she'd first been infected by nanites.

"There is nothing on this world that drives them, John."

He sighed. "All right. But we're camping out here for tonight then, just in case."

Her eyes jerked to meet his own. "I don't think-"

"I'll behave." The look on his face entirely too innocent. "Unless you ask me not too."

He threw her a wicked wink and headed for the TV.

A few hours later, John heard the door click shut. He heard footsteps through the hall and Suzanne's head peered into the family room. Her eyes swept the room noting Elizabeth's sleeping figure on the couch, John in the floor beside her. His left hand was stretched over his right shoulder, his fingers laced with Elizabeth's. Suzanne nodded, apparently satisfied and ducked out the room.

Dave strolled in a minute later. "I thought Suzanne was kidding. _The Shining_? Seriously?" While not a whisper, Dave's voice was at least quieter than normal.

John nodded back towards Elizabeth. "She picked it." He tried to keep his voice low, he didn't want to wake Elizabeth.

" _The Shining_?" Dave repeated.

"We don't scare easily. Occupational hazard." John offered in explanation. "Hey, this is almost over. Put in the next movie before you go."

Dave walked over toward the TV and picked up the blue ray. " _The Princess Bride_?" The look on his face was priceless.

"My pick." It was true, but he was enjoying screwing with Dave. "But if she wakes up, one of you need to claim it or she'll be mad at me."

"Hmm. I love that movie. Let's watch with him." Suzanne had crept back into the room, a chocolate chip cookie in her hand. "Dave, turn on the fire. That will make it nice and cozy."

Suzanne sank into one of the deep chairs and tugged off her boots.

"No fires. They're against the ground rules." John nodded back at Elizabeth again.

"Why are you sitting like that, John? Doesn't it hurt your back? She's asleep, get on the couch with her or something." Suzanne eyed him curiously.

"I'm not supposed to look at her. Another rule." John was thoroughly enjoying the conflicting waves of humor and horror crossing Dave's face. "What's with the face? We're sorting it out, as requested. You don't get to critique our technique."

Dave's mouth opened, but he just stood there otherwise frozen as he stared at John.

"What?" John hissed. He was halfway surprised Elizabeth had slept through the conversation so far.

"You two seem perfectly normal when you're apart. But together, together you are just -"

"Combustible?" Suzanne offered. She seemed completely unconcerned with the inane conversation.

"I was thinking something more in line with bat crap crazy." Dave said.

"Hmm. Well, there is it that, too." She chomped a bite of cookie. "Start the fire anyway, I've always been a fan of breaking the rules."

~TBC

A/N: Not very explicit, but tell me this chapter pushes the story into an M rating. I hope you enjoyed the mashup of love/lust/heartache/crazy that was this chapter. There are still several chapters, so the story is far from over i.e. don't hurt me yet for pushing pause on love. Thank you for taking the time to read and for the reviews. I love getting your reactions and your thoughts. Someone mentioned Relinquish, one of my other stories, and I just wanted to say I'm so glad you are enjoying that as well. It was special and it will always be one of my favorites.


	7. Chapter 7

_Sunday morning:_

Elizabeth woke to find bright morning light streaming through the windows. She stretched and reached out her hand, coming up with only air where John had been on the floor beside her. Edging up on her elbow, her eyes quickly panned the room. As much as her brain counseled her against feeling anything, she felt more than a twinge of disappointment that he was no longer beside her. She rubbed her eyes and wondered where he'd disappeared to.

The night before had been both easier and harder than she'd anticipated. It had been strange to realize it was the first time they'd ever truly been alone. There were only a handful of hallways on Atlantis dedicated to crew quarters, someone had always been too close for comfort. With Dave and Suzanne off to dinner last night, not only was no one from Atlantis lurking behind a door, there hadn't been another human being within miles. That quiet isolation had tinged the air with intimacy.

She was still entirely too comfortable within his personal space and when he'd settled into the floor beside her, her hand had moved of its own volition, reaching out to rest upon his shoulder. His fingers laced through hers moments later and she suspected he'd done the same. His head had snapped to the side as if realizing what he'd done and waiting to see if she'd pull away. She hadn't. She couldn't. It seemed like such a simple act, but it represented so much more. All they'd had, all they wanted. All they couldn't have. Somehow their fingers anchored them to each other and their tenuous grasp on the moment.

She shook her head, as if she could cast away those pesky thoughts, emotions. If only it were that easy. A yawn rocked her body and she stretched again. She could hardly believe she'd slept so soundly, for so long. That had been a rarity in the past year. Though the couch had been more comfortable than she'd expected, John had been within reach all night and his presence had always given her a sense of security. While the therapist had told her that a degree of anxiety was to be expected, she sometimes wondered if she'd ever really feel safe again. It was oddly one of her favorite things about working in the Middle East, she wasn't supposed to feel safe there. It had almost made her feel normal. Almost.

Something smelling suspiciously like coffee dusted against her nose and she sat higher, ready to go in search of the source. She glanced towards the side table, expecting to see the remnants of the prior night needing to be returned to the kitchen. Instead she found an insulated travel mug and a blueberry muffin. Reaching for the coffee, she spotted a note tucked beneath. She tugged it out and pulled it up for closer inspection. "Didn't want my city girl to go hungry."

It was a sweetly veiled jab at her inability to cook, but all her heart apparently bothered to read was the phrase "my girl" and it fluttered appreciatively. Her hand drifted towards her heart and she rubbed lightly against her chest, wishing she could just tell it to behave already. The disconnect between her brain and her heart was becoming so cavernous that Elizabeth feared she was going to lose herself within it. He was leaving tomorrow, she reminded herself. She just had to be strong one more day. Her heart plummeted at the thought and she made a mental note to not start her next pep talk with the phrase "he was leaving tomorrow".

Dave walked in and peered at her curiously. "Hey, are you okay?"

Elizabeth realized she still clenched John's note to her chest. "Your brother-"

"Watched over you as you slept. All night. It was a windy night, I came down a few times to check on the property. I'm pretty sure he didn't get any sleep."

Elizabeth's mouth opened softly, but no words would follow. Her head started slowly shaking. Her heart could have done without hearing that. It was difficult enough to hold John at arm's length as it was and now the barrage against her defenses had started all too early this morning. She needed coffee. Armor. Car keys. Suzanne had confiscated hers the day prior. Elizabeth knew her mother was coming, but she wasn't above ruling out escape if push came to shove.

"Wait, I thought that was a good thing. It seemed sweet." Dave's brows furrowed. "Are you more okay now or less okay?"

Elizabeth blew out a deep breath and allowed her hand to fall back towards her side. "That wasn't helpful, if that's what you're asking."

"I don't understand any of this." Dave scratched his head and he headed towards the hall. "Maybe I should get Suzanne."

"Dave, wait." Elizabeth stood up and turned towards him. "I don't think it's supposed to be okay right now, if that makes sense. If we were fine-"

"If you were fine, then you probably were never in love in the first place. I get that, I guess. This just wasn't what I was expecting. Suzanne always assumed you'd two had been in a relationship, but I was never convinced. I really thought you'd just been close friends who'd had a falling out when you left your job. Now that I know otherwise, it seems like you'd either hate each other or…" Dave's words trailed off.

Her heart wrenched and her head tilted towards him. Her eyes implored him to not make her say the words aloud. She'd lied to herself for a full year only to get clobbered with the truth this weekend.

"Right." Dave straightened and stepped back towards her. "Because it's not over. You guys still love each other."

"And I'm here and he's.."

"Deep in classified territory." Dave reached out and squeezed her arm. "For whatever it's worth, he hasn't re-upped. His lawyers copy me on everything. His commitment ends next year and it doesn't look like he is eager to extend."

Elizabeth didn't have the heart to correct Dave. He couldn't begin to imagine the wonders of Atlantis and of the worlds that existed in the Pegasus Galaxy. The kind of hope he offered was a luxury she would never entertain, she'd rather lose John than ask him to make that kind of sacrifice. That meant years. Years stood in between them no matter how the cards played out. If she returned to Atlantis, they couldn't be together. She'd already tried and failed at a long distance relationship from the Pegasus Galaxy. John hadn't been looking for love when their worlds had collided and she wasn't naive enough to think he wouldn't meet someone else.

"Elizabeth?" Dave paused in the doorway. "Did you really pick out _The Shining_ last night?"

She shrugged and nodded her head to the side. The look on his face was priceless, but it would take too much energy to explain her movie choice.

"Right." Dave voice drawled. "You two are something else, you know that?"

Elizabeth faintly heard something that sounded like bat crap crazy as he muttered under his breath.

"Dave?"

"Hmm?" He looked perplexed when he turned his eyes back to her.

"Did you need something? When you came in earlier, I thought maybe-"

"Oh, crap. Crazy must be contagious." Dave looked towards the kitchen's bank of windows. "Your mother's here."

"What?" Elizabeth reached up and ran her fingers through her knotted curls. She must be a mess. She was still in the clothes she'd slept in and her bladder was starting to protest, she really needed to prioritize a trip to the ladies room. "She's early. Where is she?"

"She's outside talking to John."

Elizabeth choked on her sip of coffee. She darted towards the large picture windows behind the dining room table, they afforded an expansive view of the deck and the estate beyond. She easily spotted her mom at the shore of the lake walking alongside John.

Dave joined Elizabeth at the window. Elizabeth couldn't fathom why her mother looked so at ease as John took her elbow, helping her over a chunk of a tree that had washed ashore.

"He went to see her, you know. When you wouldn't call him back."

Elizabeth's head snapped towards Dave. She could hear the echo of her heart beating faster within her ear.

"I'll take that as a no." Dave's peered at her from the corner of his eyes. "Was that more of the information you said wasn't helpful?"

She slowly started nodding her head in confirmation. Her heart had fluttered earlier by just from reading John's short note. Going to see her mother was a gesture of a whole different magnitude. The ensuing quake that rocked her heart was off the charts.

"Sorry." Dave cursed under his breath. "He wasn't always a cool pilot, you know. He wasn't always a girl magnet. That didn't happen until at least thirteen."

Elizabeth arched a brow and shot him her best what the hell glare. Thirteen before he was a girl magnet, oh the horror.

"He used to leave his stuff everywhere, I was constantly tripping over his sports gear. He was always getting hurt and crusted in dirt. I mean, he was around ten at the time, but still." Dave squirmed under her continuing glare, but instead of it shutting him up, his nerves seemed to prompt him to talk faster. "Mom couldn't deal with his crazy hair, so she was always making him get buzz cuts. Made his ears seem huge, it was great."

"Dave?" Elizabeth bit down to suppress her smile. She appreciated the effort, but the thought of John at an endearingly awkward age wasn't as helpful as Dave might have thought. "You can stop talking now."

Dave blew out a huge gush of air. "Oh thank god. I'm going to help Glen with the luggage."

Elizabeth slowly sipped her coffee, marveling over the madness that was her life in this moment. John at the lake with her mother. Dave juggling bags in the driveway with her step-father. That was inane in and of itself, a step-father at her age. But he made her mother extremely happy, plus the new title had granted her a reprieve from calling him her mother's man friend.

Suzanne's arm snuck around her waist and she rested her head upon Elizabeth's shoulder. "Bet you never could have pictured this a year ago."

"Where'd you come from?" Elizabeth smiled wryly. "And that is the understatement of the year."

"So you can't predict the way this story ends, Elizabeth." Suzanne pulled away and tapped her gently on the nose. "Happiness can be found in the darkest of times, if one only remembers to turn on the light."

Elizabeth couldn't imagine the past year without Suzanne's friendship and she found herself smiling now in spite of herself. "Point taken. But are you really quoting me Harry Potter?"

Suzanne crinkled her nose in concentration. "I knew that sounded familiar."

The French doors from the back porch burst open and Dave and Glen clambered inside, piling luggage near the dining room table. Elizabeth didn't think she'd ever seen the door of the more formal front entry opened even a single time. They tended to live in back half of the house that offered easy access to the outdoors and the best views of the lake. If not outside, they could usually be found in the family room or the huge kitchen that was open to the dining room.

"We have so much luggage, I know, but it's because we haven't even been home yet. We were on a cruise when we found out Elizabeth was back." Her mother's voice drifted in the door. "Naturally, we caught the first flight we could once we were back in port."

Her mother wasn't normally such a chatterbox. Elizabeth suddenly wondered what she and John had been talking when they'd walked along the shore and, more importantly, what they'd talked about when he visited her. She certainly seemed comfortable with him.

"Elizabeth!" Her mother grabbed her and pulled her into a fierce hug. She released her and held her at arm's length while looking her up and down. "Did you sleep in your clothes? Are you feeling all right? "

Elizabeth smiled and nodded. Her mother leaned back in and pecked her on the cheek. The second she pulled away, another pair of lips planted on her opposite cheek.

"Morning, beautiful." John's voice rasped against her ear sending tiny shivers down her spine.

"John…" Her voice trailed off. Even if she could manage more words, she wasn't entirely sure where to begin with the admonishments. The kissing her part, kissing her in front of her mother part or knowing just how to push the right buttons that sent her heart into a tailspin part.

"You can't complain, I wasn't looking." John turned and wandered deeper into the kitchen towards the coffee.

"Elizabeth, what is he talking about?" Elizabeth's mom look bewildered. She seemed to suddenly notice Dave and Suzanne. "Congratulations, my dears. Elizabeth called me yesterday. I am so happy for you."

"Thanks, Catherine. It's good to see you again." Dave stepped forward and hugged her mother. "Welcome to Crazytown. Elizabeth is the CEO and John is the class clown."

"Did someone say clowns? I hate clowns." John pulled a mug from the cupboard.

"I don't understand. What's going on?" Catherine started unbuttoning her coat.

"Nothing you need to worry about, mother, just brother shenanigans." Elizabeth said, hoping Dave would take the hint and stop talking.

Dave just laughed. "Hey, I'm not part of this circus."

"Circus? That explains the clowns." John chimed in from the kitchen.

His words hinted at only hearing half bits of their conversation, but Elizabeth knew better. His senses were more acute than anyone she'd ever met.

"Did I mention the whole hating the clowns thing?" John continued.

Her mother draped her coat over a dining table chair. "Suzanne, have they all gone mad?"

"We're all mad here." Suzanne was laughing when she leaned in to hug Catherine. "All the best people are."

"Alice in Wonderland?" Elizabeth laughed. Suzanne was on a roll with the movie quotes today. Maybe Dave was right and crazy was contagious.

Elizabeth's mom held Suzanne's hand up and admired the ring. "It's beautiful, Suzanne."

Glen walked up to John in the kitchen. "Where are the glasses?"

John pulled down a glass from the cupboard.

"Great." Glen nodded back towards the rest of them. "I'll have what they're having."

"You're going to need a different glass." John pulled out a coffee mug and patted the complex looking espresso and coffee maker combo. "I think Suzanne had an espresso, Elizabeth has dark roast. Pick your poison."

"Make mine a double." Dave called in. He turned back towards Elizabeth with a wicked glean to his eye. "Unless that violates a ground rule."

Elizabeth glared at Dave in warning again, but he ignored her.

"Catherine, come sit down. Let me tell you about our weekend so far." Dave sat down at the dining room table and patted the chair beside him.

"What ground rules?" Her mother looked adorably confused. She joined Dave and their heads tucked together conspiratorially.

"No fires, either bonfire or fireplace, no watching the _Princess Bride_ and he's not allowed to look at her." Dave packaged it up in a manner Elizabeth could barely even recognize. No wonder he thought they were insane.

"Babe, they are just trying to temper the romantic stuff." Suzanne shook her head at Dave. "Self-preservation and all. They're both leaving tomorrow."

Maybe not so insane, Elizabeth thought. Suzanne seemed to understand it, even made it seem logical, and they hadn't had a chance to talk since yesterday afternoon.

"But they are holding hands. Sleeping together." Dave protested. "He just kissed her."

Elizabeth's heart jolted. Did he really have to go there with her mother?

"It's not like we ever saw them together before this weekend. We don't know what normal looks like for them." Suzanne walked past Dave, squeezing his shoulder as she breezed by.

Dave started laughing. "Suze, if you think this is normal we need to have a serious talk before our wedding."

Suzanne waved him off and settled in opposite her mother. "What I do know is they have this thing with their eyes, Catherine. It's intense. That's why she doesn't want him to look at her."

Catherine nodded, her face had grown thoughtful. "Well, the eyes are the window to the soul. I could see how holding hands would be safer. Maybe not so much the sleeping together part." She glanced over her shoulder, throwing a pointed look towards Elizabeth.

Elizabeth's cheeks flamed. She could hardly believe her ears, they were talking about her as if she wasn't even there she couldn't seem to find her voice to protest. She just kept sipping her coffee hoping her verbal abilities would kick back in soon.

Suzanne nodded towards Elizabeth, her eyes crinkling with amusement. "Now would be a good time to grab a shower, clean clothes."

Her friend had offered up an escape route and it sounded heavenly. A long soak in the tub sounded even better.

"Don't worry. I'll make sure they stay entertained." Dave was really enjoying himself too much.

"In my defense, it's actually been more like napping than sleeping together. You know, _that_ kind of sleeping together. Not that I-"

"Not helping." Elizabeth swatted at John when she walked by. His laughter followed her into to the hall as she escaped towards her room.

An hour later, Elizabeth was still submerged deep in the bubbly water. Soaking tubs and hot baths were another luxury of being back in the states, something she'd sorely missed in her time overseas. The unmistakable click of the bedroom door reverberated into the bathroom and Elizabeth almost groaned in protest. After examining her wrinkled fingers, she conceded she'd lingered long enough. Carefully, she stepped out of the tub, toweled off and pulled on her thin silky robe, another recent Suzanne hand me down. With any luck, the sound of the door meant Suzanne had dropped off the clothes she'd offered to let Elizabeth borrow for their Thanksgiving dinner.

She walked into the bedroom and instead of finding clothes, she discovered John sprawled across her bed. Maybe sprawled wasn't the right word. He lay on his back turned away from her, his feet resting on the wall above the headboard. Unwittingly, she stepped closer and rolled into bed alongside him before bracing her feet on the wall next to his. The robe probably wasn't the best wardrobe choice for sitting like this and she reached out, holding the hemline firmly in place.

"This is new." Elizabeth peered sideways at John. "What exactly are we doing here?"

"Well, I was just following the rules. I thought if I was turned this way you wouldn't throw me out. I wasn't expecting you to join me, though I am enjoying the view."

Elizabeth frowned and redoubled her efforts to hold her robe in place. Even so, the short hem exposed a long expanse of bare leg.

"Need some help?" John chuckled.

She needed a lot of things, her head examined to start. She couldn't fathom what had possessed her to settle into bed beside him in the first place, especially considering she was joining him in bed with just a flimsy piece of silk shielding her bare skin and nothing more. There had been a time for that kind of convenience and that time had passed a year ago. Now she could do with an arsenal of attire between them.

"So." John cast his eyes towards her before directing them back to the wall. "Suzanne mentioned you were leaving tomorrow."

He left his question unasked, but Elizabeth knew he wanted to talk about her job. Probably talk her out of her job. It would be easier than he suspected.

"I'm leaving for D.C. tomorrow. I need to go by my brownstone and sort some things out." Elizabeth hesitated. She wasn't even sure what her next step was at the moment. "I'm not going back, not with the UN at least. I've been offered a position with the State Department that I'm considering, part of their Middle East Partnership Initiative. They work throughout the Middle East and North Africa."

"The State Department. Great." His voice implied he thought it was anything but great. "So we're going from NATO troops protecting you to Marines. I'm starting to think you just like hanging around men in uniforms."

Elizabeth elbowed him.

"You know, I hear the coral reef is in danger. In my opinion, Australia wouldn't be a bad place to start saving the world." The look on his face belied the humor of his words. John's mouth pressed together tightly and Elizabeth could only imagine all the things he was trying not to say. "Sure there isn't anything you'd want to do, that might, oh I don't know, not require more any more security than a squad of boy scouts could provide?"

"Boy scouts?" Elizabeth laughed.

"They all have Swiss army knives. You shouldn't underestimate them." John's voice was earnest, but now she could at least see the tug of a smile on his lips. "So why the change?"

This was actually something he'd understand. "The reactiveness of the UN job was wearing on me. I'd like to find a way to make a difference before the shit hits the fan, so to speak. It would be a nice change of pace to help make someone's life better without it having to fall apart first."

She hadn't missed the irony in the evolution of her thinking. John had challenged her from day one and his subtle influence had nudged her out of her safe zone and, oddly enough, into a life that fit her better.

There was a light rapping on the door and it creaked open before John could respond.

"I know you said jeans, but I brought a dress too. You need to show a little skin, it'll make John…oh, look." Suzanne's voice oozed with mischievous delight. "John's in your bed. Again."

Elizabeth could hear the telltale sign of hangers scraping against the rod in her closet. A minute later the bed dipped and Suzanne rolled in beside Elizabeth. "So what are we doing here? Something on the ceiling? Shadow puppets?"

"I'm just following rules." John shrugged. "You two are just being weird."

Suzanne just laughed. "You're the one who slept in a hammock in the freezing cold and made us promise not to tell Elizabeth we watched _The Princess Bride_ while she slept. "

Elizabeth elbowed him again. "John!"

"Hey. What happened to the whole I'm your family speech." John protested.

"This is what family does, they exist to make you crazy. Speaking of making you crazy, Elizabeth, seriously you need to wear the dress, though you'll totally need to shave your legs." Suzanne reached out to poke Elizabeth in the leg. "Whoa. You already shaved. What's the occasion?"

Elizabeth's cheeks flooded with heat. "Suzanne, behave."

"Why? It doesn't seem like you intend to." Suzanne's voice was laced with innuendo and she rolled out of bed tugging Elizabeth along with her. "Come on. Come pick out what you want to wear."

"I vote for skin." John called. "Though I'm known to be something of a glutton for punishment."

Elizabeth ignored him and picked up the hangers. Somehow there was less fabric than she'd been expecting.

"Suzanne, these are both dresses." Elizabeth hissed. Her friend was irrepressible.

"Whoops, how did that happen?" Suzanne's shoulders shook with silent laughter as she edged backwards out the door. "I'll just leave you to it then."

Elizabeth sighed and pulled the dresses into the bathroom with her. At closer inspection, she discovered she actually liked them. One was black with a subdued flower pattern in hues of beige and yellow. It was a style similar to what she'd been seeing around the states, it seemed to be one of the items trending that fall. It had long sleeves and it was loose and billowy. The other dress was denim and cut in a similar manner. The hemline on both dresses fell above her knees, but Elizabeth could deal with this. Cute, comfortable and not too revealing. She pulled on the denim dress and went back into the bedroom to find some shoes.

John was now perched on the end of the bed, he'd obviously been waiting for the big reveal. He whistled softly. "I like the skin."

He had that dangerous look in his eyes and she couldn't find it within her to tell him to look away. She could, however, somewhat thwart his viewing pleasure. She retrieved her new boots and tugged them on, pulling the zipper of each up over her calves.

"Now that's just taking all the fun out of it." John protested and she couldn't help but smile.

It was too easy being around him, especially like this. Easy, casual, no lives hanging in the balance. Hanging out on the weekend and holiday dinners with family were moments that other couples probably took for granted, but they'd never had the luxury of that kind of togetherness. She'd read once that life is marked by big events, but lived in the small moments in between. That never resonated as loudly as it had with her this weekend. She'd give about anything for a lifetime of the in between with John.

She realized she was staring at him and, while their eyes hadn't locked, hers still probably revealed more than he needed to know. She turned and reached for the necklace she'd gotten the day before in town.

"So we're still going with the whole not looking thing?" John asked. "It's going to make this dinner a little awkward, don't you think?"

"I realize that. No. It's just…" Elizabeth's eyes glanced back to meet John's and her heart ached, finding them churning with the same longing she knew echoed within her own. "It hurts."

Her voice had wavered. John's lips pressed together and his eyes fell towards the floor. She knew he understood. That was another thing she'd missed, they'd always had an uncanny sense of what the other was thinking. So many things had come so easily for them, it didn't seem fair somehow to find themselves in this impossible situation now.

"So we'll…" John's hand scrubbed down his neck and he threw up his hand. "What?"

"Try to keep our eyes from lingering?" It would be hard, Elizabeth realized. They were too familiar with each other, interacting out of instinct and habit.

"Fair enough." John pushed off the bed and walked to her side.

He took the necklace from her hand and, while he'd always helped with her necklaces on Atlantis, she couldn't remember her heart ever beating so erratically when he closed the gap between them. She tilted her head to the side as he gently swept her hair across her neck and over her left shoulder. Elizabeth's eyes pressed shut and her breathing ground to a stop when his fingers brushed her neck. He drew the necklace around and secured it behind her neck. His breath suddenly fell hot against her skin and he pressed a kiss against her neck that made her shudder appreciatively in response.

Elizabeth's eyes fluttered open. "Hey, where are you going?" He'd retreated across the hall and was stepping into his room. "We need to talk about this kissing stuff."

"I'd love to talk about the kissing stuff with you, Elizabeth." John's brow arched and the look on his face was entirely too suggestive. "Better get myself cleaned up first."

"John!" Elizabeth protested, but she knew her face betrayed her. It still felt good to have him flirt with her. Too good.

John winked and disappeared into the bathroom, not even bothering to close his bedroom or bathroom door. Though it didn't really matter, she supposed. Dave and Suzanne were in one wing, her mother and Glen another. She and John were all by themselves in this hallway and, while Suzanne's matchmaking attempt was glaringly apparent, Elizabeth was glad to have him nearby.

Elizabeth ducked back into her own bathroom. She ran her fingers through her curls and shrugged. Good enough. Makeup, though, she bit down on her lip. Her recent makeup regime had consisted of moisturizer, sunscreen and SPF lip gloss. Makeup had become less and less of even an afterthought, it was more like something that never crossed her mind these days. Still, if there was ever a time to dig it out, she supposed this would be it. She found her backpack and pulled out her laptop and set it to the side. After rummaging around for a minute she finally came up with her small cosmetics case. Blush she definitely didn't need, not with John's heated glares and Dave's incessant teasing. Foundation she tossed to the side. Breathing was difficult enough with John around, she didn't need that caking up her skin. She finally settled on just some mascara and tinted lip gloss before shoving it all away in the drawer.

She left the room intending to head for the kitchen, but quickly thought better of that. She spun around and went into John's room to wait. She'd just perched on the edge of the bed when he came out of the bathroom. He'd pulled on a pair of jeans but was still barefoot and bare chested.

"Elizabeth?"

He swiped the towel around his hair and the smell of his soap, his aftershave and the scent that was just him washed over her senses. Her head reeled and memories of nights on Atlantis flooded her mind. She could vividly remember him on more than one occasion walking into the bedroom with just a towel slung decadently low against his hips.

"Elizabeth." John breathed, watching her blatantly lusting over him. His eyed darkened and he took a step closer.

No, no, no. "No." Elizabeth jumped to her feet and turned around. "You have to put on your shirt."

"That's a first." She'd swear he was trying not to laugh. "Fine, you can turn around."

She turned around. He'd pulled on a button up shirt which he was taking his darn sweet time buttoning. She found her eyes intently watching as each button tucked away another inch of skin from her hungry eyes. He stopped buttoning several buttons down, revealing what she considered to be a delicious amount of skin. She stepped closer and fastened another button just for good measure. Her thumbs brushed over the coarse hairs that lightly covered his chest and she tugged his shirt closer together.

She lifted her chin and the moment she spotted his heavy eyes, she realized moving this close had been a mistake. His mouth crashed against hers and his hands clamped down on the sides of her hips. In mere seconds, his fingers had worked up the hem of her dress and now his hands splayed widely against the bare skin of her legs. Her lips parted and she pushed deeper into his kiss. Her hands alternated between fisting his shirt to draw him closer and palming his chest to push him away. Each second that passed, her resistance weakened. His hands started working their way back towards her waist, dragging the dress along with it. Cool air struck her growing expanse of bare skin, bringing her cognitive functioning back in full force. A growl of protest rumbled through their lips when her hands pressed firmly against his chest, grudgingly pushing him away.

Her head was swirling from lack of oxygen. She took deep breaths and tried to remember why exactly it was important that she push him away. It seemed as through every cell in her body was leaning forward, encouraging her to bridge the space between them.

"Come on." She finally managed. "I'm not about to face them alone. God only knows what Dave's told them since we left."

John's eyes never left hers while he straightened his shirt. Heaven help her if he kept looking at her like that all night, all her resolve was going up in the flames of his eyes. And if he kissed her again…

"John, we need to talk about the kissing." The cool breeze struck her legs again and she realized her dress was still a mess, hiked up way too high. No wonder his eyes were still all glassy. She tugged it back towards her knees.

"Oh, we'll talk about the kissing all right. Right when it's time for us to go to bed I think." John leveled her with a steamy gaze that made her breath catch. He reached for his shoes and socks and quickly put them on.

"I don't think-"

"Come on. We can't stay here with you looking at me like that."

"Me?" Elizabeth's voice was almost a squeak.

"If we don't leave now, we never will." John grabbed her hand and led them into the hallway. "And as fun as that would be, I have a feeling they'd come looking for us eventually."

He paused at the top of the stairs. "Last chance. Sure you want to face the music?"

Elizabeth was doomed either direction she choose.

Suzanne spotted them and whistled from the hallway below. "You guys cleaned up nicely. Did you enjoy your bath?"

Elizabeth's mother crossed by the bottom of the stairs at that moment and from the knowing look on her face, she'd heard every word and was busy assuming they'd enjoyed that bath together. Elizabeth wished.

John tilted his head sideways. "Is this the part where I stay quiet or where I defend your honor?" He whispered.

"Let's go with staying quiet." Elizabeth was all too aware how it looked. They were coming down from the bedroom together, holding hands and his hair was still wet. "They'll never believe us anyway."

"Find those car keys yet?" John asked.

Elizabeth laughed and started stepping down the stairs. There really was no escape. Facing the music it was.

~TBC

I hope you enjoyed! Special thanks to all who have taken the time to leave reviews. I love hearing your thoughts and what you enjoyed.


	8. Chapter 8

Holidays had turned into quiet events after Elizabeth's father had died. Dave said the same thing had happened in the Sheppard household after they'd lost their mother and now their father was gone as well. There was both an element of making up for lost time as well as a deep sense of gratitude for the togetherness as the families joined together and endeavored somewhat comically to pull off their early Thanksgiving dinner. The kitchen had bustled with activity and laughter.

The side dishes had been simple, Helen had prepared them the day before and they'd only needed reheated. Desert had been comical, Elizabeth had struggled to make the pies because John insisted on helping. Somehow they'd finished their task and managed to pull two completed pies from the oven, but she was pretty sure more ingredients had ended up on the floor than the bowls in the process. The turkey, however, had become the most interesting part of the afternoon activities. Turkeys, rather, it had become something of a friendly competition.

They hadn't been able to decide who would cook the turkey and they'd ended up putting two on the list for Helen to pick up along with the other supplies. Suzanne had been determined to cook one by herself, though she'd never so much as roasted a chicken in her past. Dave had tried out his new oil less deep fryer in the drive way and all the men had ended up out back, closely scrutinizing the new gadget and overseeing Dave's work. Elizabeth suspected they'd secretly made bets on which turkey would turn out edible. If they'd have given her the opportunity, Elizabeth would have had to put her money on Dave. His turkey was now finished and it currently rested on a giant platter in the kitchen.

Suzanne's expression was growing perplexed, her turkey didn't appear to be going quite as planned. Elizabeth had to bite down on her lip to suppress her laughter. Her friend was smart, fearless and usually kicked ass at anything she set out to do, but as much as Elizabeth adored her, she didn't have a great feeling about the turkey Suzanne was scrutinizing. She could hear each tick of the clock as Suzanne stared at the oven door.

The near silence was strange actually, it hadn't been quiet enough that afternoon to even hear the music Suzanne had turned on. She turned and found Dave and John huddled in the hallway deep in conversation. That couldn't be good. As if feeling her eyes upon them, they turned towards her. John's eyes locked on hers for a minute and he nodded before retreating into the family room.

Maybe they'd been discussing his father's estate, Dave had mentioned John avoiding emails from the attorneys. At any rate, they seemed fine so she pushed the concern aside. Dave gathered the wine and glasses and brought them into the dining room. Elizabeth joined him and sat down, accepting a glass of wine. One by one, Suzanne, her mother, Glen and Dave all quietly settled into chairs, gathering around her.

Her eyes panned around the table. Definitely suspicious. "Okay, what's going on?"

Suzanne nodded encouragingly at Dave who in turn, slipped a glossy folder across the table towards Elizabeth. "We have a proposition for you, Elizabeth."

Elizabeth's brow arched and she reached out, dragging the folder closer with her forefinger. The cover read "The Sheppard Foundation." She glanced back at Dave before pulling the folder firmly within her grasp. She took a deep breath and turned the page.

John felt like they'd been talking for hours. He glanced at his watch for the hundredth time. Not even thirty minutes had passed. He'd watched the emotions flicker through Elizabeth's face as Dave unfolded their father's plan before her. He'd seen the disbelief, the tears she'd blinked away and then the uncertainty that had filled her eyes. The uncertainty was because of him and him alone, because what John's father had created was a blank check for Elizabeth's vision. She glanced back at him and he could see the question in her eyes. If she wasn't ready to return to Atlantis, then yes. He wanted her to take the job. It was perfect for the woman she'd become and he knew she would do amazing things with the resources that would be made available to her. He smiled and nodded towards her, hoping she understood.

The group broke apart and they started setting the table and bringing in the food which would be served family style from the table. As much as it had saddened John to see a turkey go into the garbage, he'd been grateful Suzanne's turkey had found a new permanent home. She'd forgotten the all important step in defrosting. Dave's turkey, however, looked like a masterpiece and John's stomach growled. He wasn't certain if he was more looking forward to the hot turkey with dinner or the cold sandwich later that night, but he leaned towards the latter.

Elizabeth descended into the chair beside him. He'd been around her all afternoon, but every time he looked at her his breath caught. She looked beautiful, but more than that, she seemed to radiate with a confidence and happiness that he found contagious.

"Hey." She nudged him. "I want to talk to you about the foundation."

John nodded, he'd known that was coming. "Later. Maybe we can take a walk after dinner." He'd heard the strong winds last night. In the morning he hadn't been surprised to discover a lot of the colorful leaves had fallen and were now clustered into large piles on the ground. They practically begged to be rolled in.

Across the table Dave and Suzanne were bickering quietly. It didn't appear to be about the turkey, Suzanne had graciously accepted all the teasing that had accompanied the ceremonial dumping of the half frozen turkey, but John thought he heard something about a toast. As if on cue, he heard clinking and Suzanne held up her glass.

"I'm thankful for many things, especially for all of you gathered around the table tonight. While I don't share in Dave's label of crazy…well. A certain quote does come to mind." She paused and glanced adoringly at Dave. "We're all a little weird and life's a little weird. And when we find someone's whose weirdness is compatible with ours we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love. So cheers to love, weirdness and family."

"Suze!" Dave protested, but John couldn't miss the light radiating from his eyes. "What kind of toast is that?"

"Dr. Seuss." Elizabeth held up her glass. "She's quoting Dr. Seuss."

A chorus of cheers circled the table and glassed chinked accordingly. John was pretty sure he'd heard Catherine muttering about them all being mad here indeed. Glen grasped her by both sides of the face and pulled her towards him, silencing her with a short exaggerated lip smacker. John had to admit they were kind of cute together. For a moment, his thoughts flashed forward and he could almost picture him and Elizabeth at that age. With any luck, she will have quit protesting each time he kissed her by then.

Elizabeth tilted her glass towards him and their glasses clinked together. There was a lightness about her aura tonight that he'd never seen before. Atlantis had been a large weight for them all to carry, but it went beyond that even. If was as if she was more at home in her own skin than he'd ever seen her. She had changed more than she probably even realized and Atlantis would be all the better for it if they could talk her into coming back one day. John swallowed, suddenly feeling an uncomfortable pressure rising through his chest.

"John, breathe." Elizabeth's voice had dropped to a whisper. She nudged his side. "This is the good stuff."

Through her eyes, he could interpret this crush of emotions flooding through him. He considered his team on Atlantis family, but what he'd found here tonight had touched his heart in places he'd forgotten existed. It wasn't just Elizabeth, though she was probably the biggest part of it and she'd been the key that had brought all of them together here tonight. It was everyone all around the table. It was a sense of family that had been lacking in his life since they'd lost his mother.

Elizabeth's hand squeezed his knee before grasping his hand and holding tight. He took a deep breath and squeezed back, trying to remember why it was, that he'd eventually have to let her go. At that moment, nothing in the universe seemed more important than having her at his side. Always.

Dave stood and started dishing out the turkey. Soon side dishes were circling the table, getting passed from hand to hand. John had a clear view of the lake from his seat and that, along with the familiar clatter of silverware chinking against the china, stirred a long forgotten memory.

"Been a long time since we've had Thanksgiving here." John speared a bite of turkey, curious if Dave remembered.

"When did we have Thanksgiving here?" Dave's brows furrowed and he picked up his glass of wine. "I don't remember that."

John put down his fork. "Sure you do. It was the time you let bunny escape and he ransacked our dinner."

Dave choked down the sip of wine he'd just taken. He grabbed his napkin and pushed it to his face and John was pretty sure he'd just snorted some of it through his nose.

"Oh my god, I'd forgotten." He put down the napkin and a wide grin stretched across his face. "Dad blamed you."

John waved him off. "Dad blamed me for everything at the time, but to be fair, whatever he was yelling about usually was my fault."

Suzanne nudged Dave's shoulder. "When was this?"

"We were young, I was about 7. How did I forget that?" Dave's face had lit up at the memory. "Bunny blazed a path of destruction through the house that was right on par with that scene from _Christmas Vacation_ with the squirrel."

"That _Christmas Vacation_ scene had a squirrel with a giant dog chasing it. How much destruction can a bunny really cause?" Elizabeth learned forward and John could tell from the slant of her eye that she already knew there was something more to the story.

Dave's shoulders shook with laughter. "Bunny was a dog. A big matted malnourished furball I found at the edge of the property one day. He had these huge floppy ears, so I named him bunny."

"That's adorable." Catherine said. "A dog named bunny."

"Not so adorable when it ruins Thanksgiving, especially considering Dave had smuggled it into the house." John grabbed another roll. "Dad would have never allowed us to keep it, but we couldn't turn him back out in the cold."

John was pretty sure that night had been the first time he'd snuck down after bed to make dinner, both boys had gone to bed hungry after that fiasco. It had been the first cold turkey sandwich he'd ever made for himself.

"Bunny?" Elizabeth shot Dave a pointed look. "Was that your nickname for John, too? You said your mom was always getting his hair sheared and he had huge floppy ears."

"Hey." What the hell? Even better, what else had Dave been telling Elizabeth all these months? He could hardly believe it was the first time he'd thought to wonder. He fixed Dave with a piercing glare. "What did you tell her?"

"I never said your ears were floppy. But I may have said huge. Maybe even goofy." Dave's shoulders still shook with laughter. "And no, Elizabeth, I didn't call John bunny. I called John-"

"Don't even think about it. If you can remember that, then I'm sure you can remember all the creative ways I came up to get even with you. I haven't forgotten those either."

"You boys must have made life interesting for your mother." Catherine smiled at them.

"Are you kidding? She was our biggest conspirator." Dave said, fixing his eyes on John. "If I remember correctly, mom gave the dog a bath and dad's spot on the bed that night."

John couldn't remember the last time they'd managed to talk about their mother. Even after all this time, it had always been easier to avoid the subject. His father's death may have been more recent and while his mind was starting to adjust to the fact his father had cared for him more than he'd realized, he knew his mother's loss would always hit him harder. They'd always been close, she'd been his biggest supporter and, as Dave had said, their biggest conspirator.

"At any rate, it's nice to be having Thanksgiving here again." John finally said. "But do I need to complete a perimeter sweep just to be safe? Any stray animals tucked away?"

Dave laughed. "No, but we have found Romeo on the porch on more than one occasion. Usually when Elizabeth is here."

John turned sideways and instead of finding Elizabeth looking guilty, she was biting down on her lip trying to suppress her laughter.

"Who the hell is Romeo?" John rubbed his head, wondering why it seemed like there were so many men circling Elizabeth's life.

"Romeo is a horse, John." Elizabeth took a sip of her wine, her brow arching as she peered at him over the rim of her glass.

"He has an official registered name, he was a racing horse." Suzanne explained. "I started calling him Romeo because he took a liking to Elizabeth and the nickname stuck. It's cute, he follows her when he's in the fence around the stable and he pitches a fit if he thinks she's going to take out another horse."

"It's not so cute when you look out the window at three in the morning and you see two eyeballs glowing back at you." Dave said.

"Romeo." John shook his head and stabbed his fork into the green beans. "Well, at least he doesn't wear a uniform."

"A uniform? There they go again, Glen. I have no idea what they are talking about most of the time." Catherine still seemed pretty amused, in spite of her words.

"I'm not sure that's a bad thing, dear. In fact, I don't think we should worry until they start making sense." Glen patted her arm and dug into his mashed potatoes.

"She is around men in uniform a lot, I'd never thought about that." Suzanne smiled slyly. "Apparently John has given it some thought, though."

John's mouth opened, but he thought better of even trying to protest. She'd proved fairly adept at turning his words against him already.

Catherine pushed away her glass of wine and Glen seemed puzzled by her action. "What are you doing Catherine?"

"What Suzanne just said made sense. I must have had enough wine for a while. Maybe I'll save the rest for later, it would be a beautiful night to sit on the porch with a glass of wine." Catherine said. "It's so pretty here, what a beautiful spot to get engaged, Suzanne."

"We were actually thinking about having the wedding here." Suzanne looked at Dave and smiled. "We'd like to have a small ceremony down by the lake. My mother will kill me, but I want to keep it small, just our closest family and friends.

Elizabeth quietly put down her fork. She stood up and carried her plate to the kitchen. After placing the plate on the counter, she rested against the island with her back to them. They'd barely blinked when Elizabeth had left the table and the wedding talk had swiftly turned into a conversation on the price of lake side real estate.

John found himself frozen and was glad all the others were preoccupied finishing their meals and engaged in conversation. As happy as he was for Dave and Suzanne, hearing her lay out their wedding plans had caught him in an unguarded moment and her words had been unexpectedly crushing. From Elizabeth's reaction, he knew it had been just as difficult for her to hear. It wasn't as if there had been a jewelry store in the Pegasus Galaxy, so John never had the opportunity for the official down on one knee proposal, but the wedding Suzanne had described what exactly what John and Elizabeth had envisioned for their own.

Living in Atlantis should have grounded them in their reality, they'd lost enough along the way to realize tomorrow didn't always come. But for some unfathomable reason, they'd thought they had plenty of time. They'd been wrong. He finally collected himself and stood up, moving quickly to her side. He settled back on the island alongside her and put his arm around her back, pulling her close. She leaned into him without hesitation, laying her head on his shoulder and resting her palm against his chest. John swallowed hard, trying to force down the lump that had risen in his throat. He turned his head and pressed a kiss into her hair. It shouldn't be so damn hard, he thought.

Considering the amount of time they'd spent cooking, their meal had seemed to pass in a flash. John and Elizabeth were still huddled in the kitchen when the others started clearing the table. Elizabeth turned sideways and nodded as if telling him she was okay now, but he knew better. He cupped her chin and studied her face. Her eyes were a little watery, but no tears were falling. The others would probably never notice their distress. He kissed her forehead and reluctantly released her.

Everything about this pissed him off. He knew with every fiber of his being they were supposed to be together. It wasn't insignificant that they'd just had an entire heartfelt conversation without saying a word and somehow the universe deemed fit to conspire against them. It was ridiculous and it didn't seem fair somehow, especially for Elizabeth. She'd sacrificed so much over the years, she deserved more.

"You two look like you're ready for desert." The tone of Suzanne's voice implied she meant anything but the pies on the counter. She rattled around in the cupboards before coming up with the desert plates. "That kind of desert will have to wait until you're safely behind closed doors. How about those pies you two whipped up instead?"

"I think they're talking about whips now, Glen." Catherine's voice had been an exaggerated hush that carried clearly throughout the kitchen.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes and John was relieved to see a smile twitch at the edges of her lips. John knew from prior experience that Elizabeth's mother was well educated and smarter than most, but her refined nature put her at a loss for the quick banter the rest of them leaned towards and her reactions that day had been priceless.

He grabbed one of the pies and Elizabeth picked up the other. Together they headed back after Suzanne towards the dining room table. John sat his pie down on the table and waited for Elizabeth to sit before he did. She placed the last pie on the table and was circling back to her chair when a loud crack ricocheted through the air sounding alarmingly like gunfire. A second round pierced the air and adrenaline flooded through his body.

"Get down!" He darted out the French doors to the back porch. He paused and pulled a knife from his pants. What the hell was going on? He'd reacted from sheer instinct and while gunfire might be a normal occurrence in the Pegasus Galaxy, it wasn't exactly par for the course at his family's country estate. It didn't make any sense.

"John, what are you doing?"

"Elizabeth, stand back." He hissed and headed out into the yard. The sun was setting, but there was still plenty of light and there was little cover between the deck and the tree line where the noise had originated from. Elizabeth's footsteps echoed behind his. "Better yet, get back inside."

She ignored him and John did a double take when she picked up the ax from the wood pile as they passed by the fire pit. He waved her back again and while she didn't turn around, her pace fell off and she stayed just behind him like a shadow. John's shoulders relaxed as they approached the woods. He could already see the tree, it had been an enormous Eastern White Pine and it lay splintered in the ground before them.

He pointed it out to Elizabeth as she edged up beside him. "It was windy last night, must have been too much stress. It's a shame, it was an old tree." John could remember the when many of these trees were half the size they were now.

"It sounded just like a gun." Elizabeth's disbelief made him feel slightly better. He hadn't been the only one. "I could hardly believe it, gunfire didn't make any sense. Not here, anyway."

"Did you really just pick up the ax? What were you going to do with that had it been gunfire?" John wasn't sure if he was amused or impressed, but he suspected it was a mixture of both.

"Well, what were you going to do with the knife?" Elizabeth's eyes glanced to the ax and she shrugged and smiled sheepishly. "And I don't know. I wasn't really thinking, I just moved…"

Out of instinct, John thought. Elizabeth continued to amaze him, not that he should be surprised anyone who'd managed to negotiate deals with some of the most masochistic men in the world would pick up an ax. Gunfire was tame compared to all she'd faced in the past years.

"Well as it turns out, you brought the right tool for the job." John extended his hand. "Let me have that."

 _Back in the lodge:_

Dave turned his head from side to side, this weekend just seemed to get stranger and stranger. He pulled Suzanne up from the ground and saw Glen and Catherine clambering to their feet as well. There had always been deer hunting in the area, but he'd never heard gunshots ring out so close to the house. It had startled him more than he cared to admit. They had no trespassing signs clearly posted and they'd never had problems before. The shots had been so loud, it felt as if the home had shaken, just as if a small earthquake had thundered through. The thought gave him pause. Why would gunfire have rattled the ground?

"Where's Elizabeth?" Catherine scanned the room in alarm.

"She darted right after John." Dave heard traces of both exasperation and admiration in his voice. Both were apt indicators of his current state of mind.

He probably shouldn't have been surprised John's first instinct had been to run towards the gunfire. Elizabeth following him without hesitation, though, that had caught him off guard. He should have realized based on her work history that she wasn't exactly faint of heart. Dave went to the window, looking for Elizabeth and John. He saw them at the edge of the woods, the remains of a giant pine tree all around them.

He turned back towards the other, feeling his shoulders relax with relief. "It was just a tree, everything is fine."

The tree really had been enormous, no wonder it had reverberated so loudly. The strong winds last night had probably started the fissure and gravity had finally finished the rest. He'd walked the grounds that morning and everything had been all right, save for one of the kayaks that had tumbled loose. It had just gotten a scratch and Dave had re-racked it and tightened the latches on all of them. He made a mental note to get the grounds men to put them up for the winter.

Dave realized he was now surrounded, they'd all joined him at the window. Suzanne took his hand while Catherine and Glen practically pushed their noses to the glass trying to get a better view. It looked like John and Elizabeth were bickering light heartedly and they were gesturing back and forth from John's knife to her ax.

"What are they doing?" Glen scratched his head.

"If I were to guess, I'd say they were arguing over who has the bigger knife." Dave had to laugh at Elizabeth's gumption, she must have grabbed the ax from the wood pile at some point. He had no idea where John had acquired that knife, but it was a safe bet he'd had it stashed on him somewhere.

"Why is she holding an ax?" Catherine was wide eyed. "I can hardly recognize her these days. There was a time she would have ducked under the table with us. Now-"

"Now she's the kind of person who runs towards trouble instead of running away." Suzanne finished.

"See, I told you. Crazytown." Dave joked, because that was what he did. He was a Sheppard after all. But deep down he knew better. They weren't crazy, they were just wired differently than anyone he'd ever met. He just hoped they worked it out because the way he figured, they wouldn't be compatible with anyone else.

They stood watching when John snatched the ax from Elizabeth and tossed it away, along with his knife. A minute late he'd tackled her into a huge pile of leaves and they could hear Elizabeth's squeal of protest all the way inside the house.

Glen started laughing. "Look at them would you. Ahh, that brings back memories. I'd like to go roll in the leaves."

Dave suddenly felt uncomfortable, they were intruding in a quiet moment. "Maybe we should get back to that desert."

"No way." Suzanne's hand fell to his back, her nails scratching along his lower back in a way guaranteed to get him to comply with her every desire. He couldn't help but smile, she knew how to push all his buttons and could manipulate him into doing anything. He loved every minute of it, loved her.

She nudged his attention back to the window. "How often do you get to watch people you care about fall in love again?"

"It's a pretty safe bet they never fell out of love." Dave scratched his chin.

"Well, then how often do you get to watch stubborn people work through the past to find each other again?"

There was that, but Dave wasn't entirely sure it was a good thing. If John decided not to re-up, one year stood between them. Dave knew they could manage that. But if John did re-up, well, they always tried to press pilots into ten year commitments. That kind of fallout would devastate them both. But even he had to smile watching them, they were like teenagers rolling around in the piles of brilliantly colored leaves. He should grab his phone and take a photo, he thought, but somehow he couldn't tear his eyes away. He was pretty sure John was tickling Elizabeth based on the erratic movement of limbs. A moment later, she broke free and they both settled into the pile of leaves laying on their backs with their heads turned to each other.

"Catherine, look at their eyes. That's what I was trying to tell you about." Suzanne said.

Even Dave had to admit it was pretty intense. They grew silent in the dining room as they watched, Dave strangely felt like he was holding his breath trying to protect the silence. He couldn't believe how long they laid there, just staring, lost in each other's eyes. Not even their shoulders were touching as they lay side by side. It was so powerful he was almost uncomfortable watching, but oddly, he couldn't seem to turn away.

Suzanne shifted and turned her eyes towards him. "It's just like that scene from _Twilight_ where they are laying in the meadow being all intense without saying a world."

"Suze, what on earth are you talking about? I'm starting to think you watch way too many movies." Dave rolled his eyes. "Maybe we can at least start watching more movies targeted for oh, I don't know, let's say adults?"

"Maybe I just need a younger man." Suzanne's eyes twinkled mischievously. She leaned towards him and squeezed his arm. "Kidding, babe. You know I love taking my nieces to movies. All that random crap sticks with you like those songs you can't get out of your head even when you want to."

Dave's eyes simmered over her appreciatively. She never ceased to amaze him. Her mind was a steel trap, he'd seen her work, efficiently shredding the arguments of anyone who dared to cross her. Yet she was also kind, compassionate, funny as hell and every day she continued to surprise him with a new faucet of her personality. It would take him a lifetime to completely figure her out and he was looking forward to every moment of it.

" _Twilight_? Isn't that the vampire movie?" Catherine eyes hadn't left the scene unfolding before them through the window. Her voice was somber. "More monsters. I'm starting to realize my daughter has faced too many of those in the past years."

Dave couldn't argue with that. His dad had pulled all kinds of strings trying to find out what John was into these past years and when doors had closed in Patrick Sheppard's face, he'd known it was something huge. Dave reluctantly admitted he was one of those people happy to be oblivious about the monsters others were out there fighting on their behalf. He watched as John reached out and took Elizabeth's hand. Dave wasn't surprised to see she didn't pull away.

Catherine turned away from the window, her eyes still seemed dazed as they settled on Glen. "She ran towards the gunfire."

"It wasn't gunfire. You raised a tough cookie, try not to worry." Glen had been with the Department of Defense before he'd retired and provided a well needed balance to Catherine's concern. "Besides, I think she's found someone else to worry enough on your behalf."

Catherine huffed softly. "Yes, well, we thought it was gunfire and he ran towards it first."

"There you have it. They are a well suited pair." Glen's hand fell around Catherine's waist and he pulled her closer. He whispered something into her ear and her face morphed into a small smile as they stared in each other eyes.

Suzanne turned towards him and nodded towards Glen and Catherine. "Relationship goals, babe."

John rolled onto side and his hands clasped around Elizabeth's face as he leaned in to kiss her. Relationship goals indeed, Dave thought.

He nodded Suzanne's attention back towards the window, she'd kill him if he let her miss that. "Sparks flying, Suze. Speaking of which, how about a bonfire tonight? From what we've seen today, I think they're playing under a different rule book now."

Thirty minutes later, Dave had the fire roaring at full force. They'd just settled in around the fire when John and Elizabeth approached, still hand in hand.

Suzanne started laughing. She climbed out her chair moving towards them. "Looks like you've been rolling in the hay."

"I didn't see any hay." Catherine said. Glen nudged her side and whispered in her ear and Catherine started laughing. "I must still be stressing about Elizabeth running towards danger. That went right over my head."

"Well, let's not ruin the nice evening with worry. Give her a pass on the lecture tonight, Catherine. If she takes that job, she'll be based closer to home and you'll be able to nag her more frequently." Glen reached out and squeezed Catherine's hand.

Elizabeth seemed on the verge of laughter. She paused and used her free and to point towards her ear. "There's nothing wrong with my hearing, just in case anyone was wondering."

"You are a mess and I'm not just talking this earthy look you're sporting." Suzanne moved behind Elizabeth and started picking leaves out of her hair. "We're going to have to get you inside, I think. There could be bugs or god knows what hiding in all this debris."

"I hate bugs." John shuddered.

"Well, you might need to delouse yourself. You don't look any better." Suzanne swatted John's butt when she walked by.

"Hey." John's brows furrowed and he shifted uncomfortably.

"Just knocking off some leaves." Suzanne winked at Dave as she passed.

"Suze." Dave dropped his eyes and started shaking his head. He'd only feed the beast if she saw the laughter in his eyes.

"Suzanne, if you're just dragging her inside to talk about me, you might as well stay out here. I don't think you've filtered a single thought from me yet." John called.

"Want to bet?" Suzanne laughed and firmly pulled Elizabeth inside the door.

"Glen, we need to come here more often. I'm enjoying watching all of them more than any reality TV show I've ever seen." Catherine's eyes twinkled.

"What are you talking about? We don't even have cable. You hate TV."

Catherine shrugged. "Hush and let me enjoy myself."

John scrubbed his hand over his head and neck and started slowly turning, like a dog trying to catch his tail.

"What are you doing?" Dave got up and threw another log on the fire. "You look ridiculous."

"I don't care how I look." John swiveled closer. "Just make sure I don't have any bugs on me."

"Fine." Dave stepped closer. "You're all clear, but what is this sudden aversion to bugs? You were the one who always had mason jars filled with creepy crawlies to scare everyone with."

"That was when I was ten and it's a long story. It also happens to be a classified story."

"Seriously, John? Classified bug story? That's weak."

John bobbed his head to the side and he had an expression on his face that almost made Dave believe him for a minute. Nah. He knew better. John was just pulling his leg.

John moved to a nearby Adirondack chair, but he didn't sit. He must have spotted something on his jeans, because he started sweeping off his pants. Again with the bugs? Dave decided to let that go, he had something else he needed to discuss with John.

"Question." Dave wasn't sure if John would like his and Suzanne's idea. It would be better to broach it with Elizabeth out of ears reach. "We were thinking of offering Elizabeth the lake house to use. She's selling her house and planning to travel, so it doesn't make sense for her to have a place of her own. Plus, if she takes the foundation job she can work from here too, at least during the startup. The library is all set up with phone lines and internet. It would be nice to have someone keep an eye on the place and she seems to like it here. It's just an hour to the airport when she needs to travel and her mother's house is only thirty minutes away."

John's mouth pressed together, but he was shaking his head in approval.

Dave could guess what he was thinking. "I know you'd probably rather she go back to whatever her old job is with you, but-"

"She has good reasons for not going back yet and I'd rather her take the job and be here than in the Middle East or North Africa."

"Good. So it's not weird." Dave felt relieved.

"Well. It might be a little weird that it's not weird. Which could be weird in and of itself."

"Is this more Dr. Seuss?" Glenn asked.

John's smile stretched wide and Dave could practically see the wheels in his head turning with quick comebacks. Before he could speak, the door from the house opened and the world seemed to fall away for John when his eyes started tracking Elizabeth. Suzanne brushed by Dave's side and she laced her fingers through his own. Elizabeth started to sit in a chair near John when he swiftly scooped her up and pulled her into a chair along with him.

"John!" Elizabeth's squeal was adorable, but the look on her face was foreboding. "We shouldn't-"

"When have you ever known me to back down from something I want?" John's hands threaded through her hair. He pulled her closer and tucked his forehead down against hers.

Suzanne grabbed a nearby seat and Glen and Catherine were on the opposite side of the fire. Dave was pretty sure he was the only one who could hear their hushed words.

"It's going to be too hard already when you leave, John."

"I can't just stuff what I feel into a neat box and put it on a shelf. You should know that better than anyone. If I was capable of doing that, we would have never crossed that grey line of protocol back on-" John noted Dave's prying eyes and his voice dropped even lower.

Dave was either going crazy or losing his hearing. Had John just said Atlantis?

Suzanne used her foot to nudge him to attention. Dave realized he was the only one blatantly staring at their conversation. He tossed another log on the fire and relaxed into the chair beside Suzanne's. She pulled out her phone and turned on some music.

"That sounds kind of romantic. You sure this is in the playbook?" Dave smiled wryly.

Suzanne pointed across the fire. "You were right, babe. They're breaking all the rules tonight."

Elizabeth had settled against John, tucking her head against his neck and John's arms were tight around her. Dave couldn't remember a time where he'd ever seen either of those two seem so content and it made him more than a little concerned. As much crap as he gave them about the stupid rules, in hindsight, they'd probably been a good idea. Tomorrow was going to be a difficult day for all of them.

Catherine asked Suzanne about wedding plans again and slowly Dave tuned them out. It wasn't that he didn't care, he was just smart enough to realize his only role was to show up on time and sober.

The sky was completely dark when Dave awakened. He blinked his eyes trying to figure out when he'd dozed off. Damn turkey. Slowly he realized that Suzanne was shaking his arm. "Hmm. What?" He asked, trying to cut through the fog of sleep.

"You feel asleep, babe." Suzanne knelt beside his chair. "You're not the only one."

John waved from across the fire, Elizabeth was fast asleep within his arms.

"Catherine and Glenn already turned in. John doesn't want to wake Elizabeth, he wants you to grab a sleeping bag from the storage locker."

Dave blinked and wiped his eyes. "The sleeping bag? Are they camping out?" He pushed out of the chair.

"Here are the keys to the storage locker on the dock. He just wants the sleeping bag if the fire goes out before she wakes. "

"How long have you two been awake plotting? Try not to do that too often, I have a feeling that could get us into all kinds of trouble." Dave wiped his eyes and headed for the docks.

He returned a few minutes later. He unzipped the sleeping bag and put it down John's reach. "You sure you don't want to just wake her up?"

"She doesn't usually sleep well. I don't want to wake her until I have to."

Dave sighed and made a mental note to set his alarm so he could check on them later. John had been banking a lot of sleep that weekend and Dave figured he probably didn't get a lot of sleep when he was working either. Odds were, they'd both be asleep in the chair when he returned. Suzanne took his hand and they made their way up to the house.

"Suze? Why didn't you just bring them a blanket from the house?" Now that he was fully awake, it seemed odd to go to all the trouble of getting the sleeping bag.

"I tried, but he was pretty insistent about wanting the sleeping bag. He started talking about sleeping bag ratings for different degrees of weather and I tuned him out. It just seemed easier to do what he wanted."

Dave looked back one last time. John had pulled the sleeping bag up and was tucking it in around Elizabeth. It was a small gesture, but Dave had never seen his brother more attentive to anyone. Dave understood why he'd been so adamant about the sleeping bag. The way John watched over Elizabeth went above and beyond protective instinct. It was fierce. It wasn't just their eyes, _they_ were intense as was the bond between them.

Dave pulled out his phone and set his alarm to go off in an hour. Intense or not, they were still all too human and subject to the need of sleep. He didn't want them out here all night, at least not until he brought in a landscaper to check the rest of the trees for integrity. He tucked the phone away and followed Suzanne inside.

~TBC

Happy Thanksgiving to all my U.S. readers! I hope you have a wonderful holiday and wish you lots of yummy cold turkey sandwiches. I have more coming, but will be happily on vacation without my laptop next week. I might get the next chapter out before I leave, but if not, just know it is coming. Sign up for alerts if you'd like an email notification when it posts.

Thank you all for reading and for taking the time to leave reviews. Your kind words have definitely encouraged me to keep the pen to paper, or rather, fingers to keyboard, lol.


	9. Chapter 9

A strange rumbling roused Elizabeth, tearing her away from a dream. She blinked trying to remember where she was. It had been months, no, longer. It had been over a year since the last time she could remember having a dream that didn't cause her to wake in a panic and cold sweat. This particular dream had been a good one, like a comforting visit with a long lost friend. Her father had seemed so vibrant, so alive. In her dream he'd stood just before her, now that same area was pitched in darkness.

Her limbs seemed too heavy, she couldn't move her arms or legs. Her heart rate spiked and she started to struggle.

"Easy, it's just me." John's hand trailed down her hair. "Let me loosen the blanket."

Elizabeth relaxed against him and her heavy eyes closed again. Now she remembered. Dinner and the bonfire. John's arms. She blinked again and her eyes adjusted to the night. It was dark, but the moon was still quite full casting a gentle light all around.

John's stomach rumbled again. "I think it's time to go."

Time to go. Her heart skipped a beat. He was leaving tomorrow. Today? "What time is it?"

"Can't see my watch." John's voice was raspy.

He must be exhausted, Dave said John hadn't slept the night before.

"I'm guessing it's close to midnight. Dave's been out a couple times to check on us. I don't think he's going to sleep until we go in."

The sleepy fog subsided from her mind and Elizabeth felt a smile tug at the edges of her lip. It had been quite some time since she'd been surrounded by so much family. While it was nice to have people looking out for you, sometimes she wished she didn't feel so much at home within this circle. It really was John's world, his brother, his family's home, their foundation. What would happen when John finally moved on and met someone else? She shuddered at the thought.

"You okay?" John tugged up her chin.

She really wasn't. It was a sad irony that the second her sleep nightmares turned back to dreams, her waking life was becoming a nightmare. Well, that wasn't true. That was the voice of her heart being dramatic and thinking only of John. Even so, the pain would be all too real when he left.

It took a moment for her to grasp at perspective, but she knew there was much to be grateful for. Friends, family- even if it was somewhat borrowed- and opportunities. Most importantly, she was grateful she still had John that night and her heart swelled at the thought. Her arms stretched around his neck and she drew his face down to hers, kissing him soft and slowly.

"What was that for?" John asked when she pulled away. "Not that I'm complaining."

"I've wasted enough time this weekend focusing on what I don't have and what I can't have." Both were things Elizabeth had always strived to avoid. Her hand moved up to cradle his face, her thumb brushed against his cheek. "I'm just grateful you're here with me tonight."

John turned his head and pressed a kiss to the inside of her wrist. "Would you be grateful to be with me tomorrow?"

A surge of elation flowed through her chest. "I thought you had to get back?"

"I think I can expedite the cross country trip and have the Daedalus pick me up. I mean, if you're not sick of me yet. I can go help you with your house or whatever you need to do. I've been called your errand boy before, after all, maybe it's time I live up to the name."

"I heard it was Lieutenant Colonel errand boy." She smiled.

"Well, I think we've already established you have a thing for men in uniforms. I could dig mine out if it'll land me the job."

"You'd really want to do that? The helping part, not the uniform part." Elizabeth could actually use some help, she needed to sort what was left at her house. "I'm mostly finished, it shouldn't take longer than a few hours."

Before she'd fallen asleep, they'd offered her use of the lake house. It was a perfect home base until she'd finished her travels and officially started the job. It had been clear in the foundation proposal that she should establish permanent offices for the foundation, but ultimately she could work from there, from home or in the field. Her place in Georgetown hadn't felt like home in years. She was ready for a fresh start and a new city, maybe even a place near a lake somewhere. County life was growing on her and if the day came when she was home for long enough stretches of time, she'd love to have horses of her own.

"A few hours is nothing. We can take care of whatever, grab you stuff and drive back here in the afternoon." John's finger trailed along her jawline.

Drive back. She'd sold her car years ago. "I need to go car shopping, too. I'll need one out here."

"We can drop off your rental, but you don't have to buy a car. Not yet anyway. You can use my jeep." John brushed a curl away from her eye.

Elizabeth hesitated. "Are you sure about that? You've had that jeep a long time, I know you love that car."

It seemed like every step she took, she was ingraining herself deeper into John's life. She was pretty sure at some point over the weekend it had crossed the line from somewhat strange into downright unhealthy. That being said, it would be hard to find a car in one afternoon. Borrowing John's would give her some extra time to research before making that large purchase.

"I never get to use it and it's just been sitting in the garage." John shifted and she heard his stomach growl again.

She was a little hungry herself. The sleeping bag fell away as she finally clambered to her feet.

John groaned as he heaved himself out of the chair. "Give me a minute. My legs are asleep."

Elizabeth picked up the sleeping bag and started folding it. She watched him stomp his feet and could only imagine the pins and needles he must be feeling after holding her on his lap all night.

"All right, let's go." John took the sleeping bag and tucked under his arm before taking her hand. "I'm starving."

Elizabeth drew in a deep breath and followed him towards the lodge. It was no wonder they were hungry, they'd both abandoned their dinners after the wedding talk had started. It was uncanny in hindsight, she'd never been to this estate before, but whenever she and John had talked about their wedding, this lake and the acres of land around the lodge were almost identical to the image in her mind.

Suzanne's plans for the wedding had been unexpected and it had caught her off guard. She hadn't expected John to pick up on the correlation or notice her distress. Not only had he noticed, it seemed to impact him as much as it did her. His quiet support had been almost as heart wrenching as hearing Suzanne's words.

They reached the lodge and John released Elizabeth's hand. His hand fell to her lower back and he guided her inside. The lodge still carried the sweet and savory smell of their Thanksgiving dinner and her stomach rumbled in response. The sleeping bag tumbled out of John's grasp and he toed it out of the way while he locked the door. She walked into the kitchen and turned on the soft light over the sink. John followed behind her, he headed for the fridge and started rummaging around.

She settled onto a bar stool at the edge of island and glanced at the nearby clock. It was well after midnight. They'd been outside for hours, she'd slept for hours in his arms. The thought made her cringe. He must have been so uncomfortable not being able to move or so long. Her own legs were protesting and all she'd done was sleep. While maybe not the best attire for sleep, the dress wasn't so bad, but the boots had to go. She unzipped them and tossed them to the side along with her socks. The imprint from the zippers were glaringly apparent on her legs, but she felt much better.

"Turkey sandwich?" John tossed a bite of turkey in his mouth and smiled.

The corners of her lips quivered. "I'd expect nothing less."

"Got to make a quick call first." He picked up his phone and jabbed at the screen.

Elizabeth wondered who he'd possibly need to call after midnight. Before she could ask John started talking.

"Hey, I need you to arrange a lift on Tuesday. I'm planning to miss my flight tomorrow." There was a pause and John held the phone away from his ear. "What are you talking about? Its late here, McKay. You're in California, three hours behind us."

John held the phone away from his ear again. He leaned back against the sink and made the hand gesture that indicating Rodney was ranting away. "Oh, you're back in Colorado Springs. I see the problem. That puts you two hours behind us which means I'm interrupting your late night snack."

Elizabeth leaned closer. If she'd have known he was calling Rodney she'd would have insisted John use the speakerphone. She never thought the day would come, but she actually missed their constant bickering. John rubbed his forehead and Elizabeth knew he'd reached the end of his patience.

"Rodney. I'm with Elizabeth." John didn't have to hold the phone away from his ear this time while Rodney spoke. "No you can't talk to her, like you pointed out, it's late here."

Elizabeth motioned for the phone. It had been months since she'd spoken to Rodney and she'd love to hear his voice. John shook her off and she wrinkled her nose at him. It was the closest thing she thought she had to a pouting face.

"Fine, Rodney, you can call her tomorrow. Now how about that ride?" He rolled his eyes. "No you can't tell anyone else I'm with Elizabeth, you know why that's a bad idea."

John's mouth pressed together, but at least Rodney seemed to be speaking in a normal tone of voice, the phone was still tight to John's ear. "I'm at my family's estate in Virginia, that's all anyone needs to know."

A minute later John tossed the phone on the counter. He looked frustrated and Elizabeth's heart panged.

"Was that a no?"

"That was a yes, along with a reminder to never talk to McKay when you haven't slept in over twenty four hours. He'll text me tomorrow and let me know what time they'll pick me up on Tuesday. Probably be early morning, though, we're on a schedule."

"So we have another day?"

John walked towards the island. He braced his upper body on his elbows and leaned across the granite towards her.

"We have another day." He closed the gap and kissed her softly. "We also have two more nights."

His brows popped suggestively as he pushed back from the island. He turned quickly towards the counter behind them, but not before she saw the smile stretch wide across his face. He was incorrigible.

Minutes later John slid a plate and a bottle of water in front of her.

Her eyes stretched wide. "This is huge, I can't eat all of this."

"I was hoping you'd say that." He sat in the bar stool next to hers and helped himself to half of her sandwich. "What did you do to your legs?" He bit into the sandwich, before sitting it down on his plate.

John's fingers traced down the grooves in her skin from her boots zippers. He shifted in his chair so he was facing her side.

"Boots." She frowned. It didn't hurt, but it did look painful.

"Come here." John shifted her stool around until they were facing each other. He drew her feet across so they rested between his legs on the rung of his stool and he started gently rubbing along the zipper impressions. "We'll need to get some lotion on these later."

He glanced up at her and a wave of heat flooded through her lower body. His hands trailed down to her feet and he grasped them lightly. "These too, I seem to remember you enjoying that."

Her mouth opened softly and she nodded her head in affirmation before alternately shaking her head no.

John chuckled and released her. "I'll let you get back to me on that."

He reached to the side and grabbed a sandwich. He nodded to her own. "Eat up."

She reached out and slid her plate closer. John hadn't turned away and they were still sideways in the stools directly facing each other, exactly the opposite of the dining experience the night before. They'd come a long way in twenty four hours.

John wiped his mouth. "For the record, I like this seating arrangement better."

"So do I." She smiled as she reached to the side and picked up her sandwich. Her teeth sank into the thick sourdough bread and her taste buds watered appreciatively. She finished chewing and swallowed it down. "This is good."

"Want me to teach you?" His eyes crinkled with amusement.

"Hey." She knocked her knee against his, but smiled in spite of herself. "I think I can manage a sandwich."

"To be fair, this isn't just any sandwich." John picked up the last section of the sandwich that remained on his plate.

She had no idea how he'd eaten so fast. She was two bites into her half sandwich and he was two bites from being finished with all of his sandwich and half of hers.

He paused in between bites and shot her a lopsided smile. "Speaking of managing, you're going to have to learn how to cook. A few things anyway. There's no delivery out here."

"I'm aware." But Helen was here and once she realized Elizabeth was staying on, she'd keep the fridge stocked with ready to heat meals. John didn't have to know that, though. "On the bright side, I'll actually have some time to learn. Take a class or something."

"I'll be looking forward to that. I think you owe me a meal or two now." John's eyes panned the kitchen and some of the light dulled in his eyes. "Plus, it's a shame this kitchen doesn't get used more. Mom designed it herself during the last remodel. She was the one who insisted on the double ovens and all the counter space. We should look for her recipe book, she used to have one stashed here. You'd probably like it. She was kind of like you. Not a huge fan of cooking, but she loved to bake."

She'd actually love to see that, but once again she was hesitant. She'd seen a few family photos, but there was something more personal about seeing someone's handwritten notes. Every step she took, Elizabeth was digging deeper into John's life. Getting too involved with his family wasn't even a slippery slope at this point, it was an all-out landslide.

Elizabeth bit down on her lip. "We should probably talk about all of this. The job, the house. Now I'm borrowing your car too. I know the house and car are just temporary, but I feel like I'm invading your world and it's starting to seem…I don't know. Is it strange? It is, isn't it?"

John pushed his plate away. He leaned forward and his hands grasped the outsides of her thighs. "This isn't my world, Elizabeth, it's yours. You created all of this. I just happened to be lucky enough to land on the fringe of it." He released his grip and edged back.

Elizabeth swallowed down the last bite of her sandwich as she considered his words. She reached for her water bottle and sipped slowly.

"I don't plan to stay on the fringe forever." John paused while she put the water down. He tilted sideways to meet her eyes. "I'm not giving up on us just yet."

That kind of hope was a dangerous thing. "John, I-"

"So you're really taking the job?"

She blinked at the shift in conversation. Her brain was like a broken record still repeating his earlier words over and over. She could almost still hear his voice saying he wasn't giving up just yet. She peeked back at him and realized he was looking at her expectantly, like he was waiting for an answer. What had he asked her?

"What?" She finally asked.

He looked at her strangely. "The job. Are you taking it?"

She grabbed her water bottle and started picking at the label. In spite of her reservations about getting too ingrained in John's world, she had no qualms whatsoever about the job. In fact, she found the possibilities invigorating. She'd only felt this way about one other job offer in her past. Atlantis.

He gently pulled her chin up. "Elizabeth-"

"I'm taking the job."

Of course she was, her mind had started spinning before she'd even closed the cover on the proposal. Since her return, she'd become involved in a few charitable organizations that had struck a chord with her. She already had a pretty good short list of causes in mind. There was only one other job that could ever tempt her away and, if that day came, she would still want to remain involved with the foundation, become an advisory board member or an advisor of some capacity. A posting in Atlantis wouldn't last forever, but under the proper care and guidance, the foundation would thrive for decades. If given the autonomy she'd been promised, it could be the very last job she would ever have.

John released her chin. "When Carter left, I was hoping you'd come back to Atlantis."

She dropped her eyes. "They asked me. We had a meeting before they offered it to Woolsey. I wasn't ready."

He was quiet for a minute. "Any thoughts on when you'll be ready?"

Her head rolled to the side. "I have a lot of thoughts on that, actually." It was borderline impossible to clear her mind of that very question. The problem was, she couldn't separate her feelings for John from Atlantis.

He tugged her bar stool closer. "Any that you care to share?"

He was too close and his eyes were too intense. Elizabeth averted her gaze and picked at the water bottle label again. She could hear her heart pounding in her ears. It wouldn't be easy to say the words, but he deserved to know. The label fell away from the bottle and she pushed them aside.

"I can't go back until I know it's for the right reason." She peered up at him. "I can't go back just because I love you." Her voice wavered.

His hand reached to cradle the side of her face and his fingers tangled into her hair. His eyes locked fiercely onto her own. "Then come back because I love you."

They both knew it wasn't reason enough for her to return, but it was something she'd needed to hear all the same. "John-"

"Forget I said that. Not the loving you part, but the asking you-" John's thumb swept the corner of her mouth. "Hold still. You've got a little something..."

"Did you get it?"

She licked her lips without thinking and his eyes flared. He ran his finger down the side of her face, angling her jaw higher. He tucked his head and his tongue flicked against the corner of her mouth. Heat spiraled in a haphazard path down her body, as if lighting a road map it wanted his tongue to follow. Her hand fisted into his shirt and she tugged until his mouth shifted to cover her own, igniting a long molten kiss that burned right through her.

He gently nipped at her lower lip when he pulled away, resting his forehead against her own. "Hmm. I got it."

She breathed deeply and her fingers skimmed against her lower lip where his teeth had grazed her. Her nerves were already rioting the absence of his lips.

"Are you sure about that?" Her fingers threaded through his hair and she gripped gently, urging his lips back until they fused and held with her own.

A large crash resonated from the dining room and their lips ripped apart as their heads snapped towards the sound. John cursed softly and was on his feet before she'd even caught her breath. He flipped on the main kitchen lights and strode into the dining room. Elizabeth found her footing and followed quickly behind. She heard John's laughter before she spotted Dave in the floor, his body twisted within the fabric of the sleeping bag. John stepped forward and offered and arm. Dave clasped on and John heaved him to his feet.

"This is what I get for checking on you? I get no sleep and a face plant in solid wood flooring." Dave straightened his shirt. "What did I tell you, Elizabeth? He leaves his gear everywhere and I'm always tripping over it."

"Seems you would have learned to keep a better eye out by now." John bit down on the corner of his lip, not quite suppressing the smirk that had claimed his face.

Dave muttered something under his breath, but Elizabeth could see the corners of his lips twitching. He started for the left stairwell. "I'm not coming back to check on you, so don't go back outside. Go to bed."

"Yes, dad." John laughed again. "Excellent suggestion, though."

Dave spun around on his heel and doubled back. "Wait, I probably won't see you again. Suze and I have to get back to work tomorrow. We'll be heading out early."

Elizabeth stepped closer and hugged Dave goodbye. "We'll be talking soon." She released him and stepped back.

Dave's eyes glanced to John before returning back to her. "Does that mean you're taking the job?"

"She's taking the job." John answered quickly.

"She can answer for herself." Elizabeth elbowed John. "And she's taking the job."

"And she's talking about herself in the third person." Dave laughed. "Maybe I should reconsider-"

"Goodnight, Dave." Elizabeth cut him off. "I'll call your office tomorrow."

John coughed and shot her a pointed look. Right. She had plans for Monday now that he'd managed an extra day away.

"Make that Tuesday." She revised.

"Just call my cell, whenever is fine. I'll have Suze bring you some extra keys to the house before we leave. Make yourself at home."

Elizabeth would have loved to have met their mother. She'd done a hell of a job raising two incredibly intelligent, decent and caring men. "Thank you. For everything." She said.

"No, Elizabeth." Dave nodded towards John. "Thank you for everything."

They gave her too much credit. Maybe it wouldn't have happened so quickly, but she knew the brothers would have eventually reconnected. She nodded anyway, it was just easier not to argue with these two, and she turned to head upstairs. John grasped her wrist as she passed. She paused, tilting her head back towards his.

"I'll be up in a minute." He leaned forward and lightly kissed her lips.

Sometimes she thought he had absolutely no idea how much he affected her. She still hadn't completely recovered from their encounter in the kitchen and that brief kiss had been enough to scramble her thoughts once again. He winked and put his hand on her lower back, urging her back into motion. Ohh, he knew all right, damn him. So very not cool of her to be so obviously appreciative, but she was smiling in spite of herself as she walked back to her room.

She made her way into the bathroom and picked up her toothbrush. There had been a time when her skin care regime alone would have taken thirty minutes. It seemed laughable now. Now she breezed through the basics in under five minutes flat. She exited the bathroom and rooted around in the closet until she came up with a soft t-shirt from her bag. She tugged off the dress, shed the bra with great relief and slipped on the cool shirt. The overhead lighting seemed unusually harsh, so she flipped it off. She fumbled in the dark before switching on the lamp on the bedside table.

She climbed into bed and leaned against the pillows nesting against the headboard. She kicked back the comforter and just left the sheet loosely covering her legs. John was still downstairs and she was grateful for the moment to catch her breath, she still hadn't decided what to do with him when he returned. Her words struck her and, though she was alone in the room, she felt the heat that flooded her cheeks. Of course she knew what she wanted to do with him. It still didn't mean she should.

Going through the motions of getting ready of bed had distracted her somewhat, so she reached for the book on her bedside table hoping for a similar reprieve. This particular book probably wasn't the best choice since it reminded her of John, but it was the only one within reach. It was a collection of poetry and lyrics from music legends that she'd picked it up on a whim months ago when she'd thumbed through and spotted a section on Johnny Cash. It was still better than nothing, so she split it open and pulled the book mark away. She raised her knees and rested the book against them before turning a new page. It worked better than expected and she'd turned several more pages when she heard the sound of her door clicking shut.

As if by unspoken agreement, he'd joined her tonight and, by the same token, she knew he'd be right at her side until the moment he had to go back to Atlantis. After a year, maybe it shouldn't have been quite this seamless, but being with him felt instinctive, natural and right.

John gave the door another tug, making sure it was secure, and turned towards her. He still had on his jeans but had changed into a t-shirt and was barefoot. From the slant of his eyes and the slope of his shoulders, she could tell he was exhausted. As he approached, the scent of minty scent of toothpaste washed over her. She couldn't believe she hadn't heard him earlier. He'd obviously been up here for several minutes.

He perched on the bed adjacent to her hip. "What's this?" He pulled the book from her grasp.

"Hey." She grabbed for the book and missed. "I was just at a good part."

"I've been looking for that t-shirt for over a year." He frowned as his eyes washed over her. "It's all worn out."

She tilted her head towards him. "It's only been washed a few dozen times since you last saw it."

It was closer to hundreds of times. He nodded, probably already realizing she slept in it every night. She'd always appropriated his shirts to sleep in back on Atlantis which is how she'd ended up with this one in the first place.

He handed her the book before reaching back and pulling his t-shirt over his head. "Here's a backup. I'm not sure the one you're wearing will hold up much longer."

He tossed the shirt onto the nearby chair and, before she'd had a chance to properly appreciate the view, he swiveled into bed beside her. He landed eye level with her stomach and his knees tucked into the empty space beneath her propped knees. She set the book aside and stretched back, tugging some of the extra pillows from behind her. She tossed them into the floor and settled onto her back.

Her nerves hummed with pleasure from the familiar feel of his body tucked against her own. She reached down, letting her fingers sweep along his shoulders. His skin was already growing cool without the cover of his shirt. Goose bumps ruptured on his skin in the trail of her fingers, but she knew him well enough to know it wasn't from the cool air.

The sheet had fallen away from her left leg when he settled in. John raised up on one elbow and his other arm stretched across her as he reached for her leg, dragging the sheet away from her lap in the process. His hand wrapped under her thigh and his thumb swept across a freckle.

"This one was always my favorite." John leaned across her. His breath fell hot as his lips brushed the delicate skin of her inner thigh. The stubble on his face lightly razed her leg as he edged away. It was a serious sensory overload and her legs quivered in response.

"There was another freckle I liked." His hand worked towards her hip, his mouth raining kisses against her skin in its wake. His forefinger hooked the lacy top of her panties and edged them down a fraction of an inch.

Her breath hitched as he pressed his lips against the creamy skin he'd just exposed.

"There it is." His voice rumbled deliciously against her skin.

Tremors rolled through her body in response to his tender assault, but what she felt transcended physical pleasure. Not for the first time that weekend, something akin to homesickness tugged at her heart as he savored the taste of her skin, rediscovering her body. It was a heady mix of love and lust mixed with an almost unbearable yearning, as if her nerves already understood his touch was a temporary salve and soon he'd be light years beyond reach.

His finger started tracing the pattern of the concert tee. She sucked in her breath when his hand brushed a scrape on her stomach.

"Elizabeth?"

"Just a scratch, but it's a little tender." Her voice was throaty. "A twig was caught under my dress this afternoon."

His hands wrapped around her sides and his thumbs worked the material of her shirt until the hem was hiked up around her ribs. He winced as he looked over the angry red scratch. He tucked his head down and pressed a kiss into her stomach just beside the scratch. As she watched him, desire refined into a deeper burn within her heart. He eased back, his thumbs rubbing gently along the planes of her stomach. A moment later, he turned his eyes back to Elizabeth and she saw a flicker of sadness that she recognized and understood.

Only once before had he kissed and caressed her stomach so tenderly. Her head started to ache, mirroring the pain that had sprung fresh within her heart. The day had been a roller coaster of emotions and she couldn't seem to catch a break to recover from the constant highs and lows.

Her breath caught as his lips brushed her belly button. His lips lingered on her skin for a long moment, before he laid down on his side, resting his head upon her bare stomach.

"I wish it had been a plus sign." She whispered as her fingers delved into his hair. Nothing as insignificant as a small white stick should have such an impact on a life.

He shushed her and his thumb started to massage back and forth across her stomach. She accepted his reprieve and said no more. Her voice had cracked and the energy to find and voice those words had been diverted from the energy she needed to hold herself together.

The reminder of the wedding they wouldn't have had grated her heart earlier that night, now the reminder of the children they wouldn't sucked the air from her lungs and she found it hurt to breathe. As much as she wanted to move past the things she couldn't have, a lump grew within her throat and the ache deepened within her heart.

He drew her hand closer and pressed a kiss into her palm. His hand closed around hers and he pulled it against his chest and held tight.

Throughout her career, she'd been conditioned to see pregnancy and motherhood as a hindrance and liability. No one had ever challenged those preconceived notions or her narrow perspective until John had shattered them with just one look. The moment she'd seen his disappointment, she'd first gleaned the depth of his love. That had given her the strength to acknowledge she wanted more in her life than just a career. Stupid white stick, she thought. It should have been a plus sign.

"I'm not giving up on us just yet." John's voice rasped against her skin as he echoed his words from earlier. His weight started to settle more heavily against her.

His breath fell in hot puffs against her stomach and as she watched his back, she noted the rise and fall of his body was slowing. Her heart sank even further. Though she knew he'd been awake for far too long, she selfishly wanted the narcotic power of his voice and eyes.

She drew in a deep breath and let it out. Be grateful for what you have, she reminded herself. For months, she'd wanted nothing more than to have him in her arms and here he was. She almost managed a smile at the sight of him sprawled across her drifting heavily into sleep. Her fingers lightly scratched against his scalp and she heard an appreciative rumble deep in his throat. Not completely asleep, she realized, not yet. Still, she decided against nudging him to move. His weight grounded her somehow and it was a welcome anchor.

The light was still on, though the lamp was out of reach. Gently, she tried to shimmy closer to the side table, but John was dead weight and she was pinned beneath him. A throw blanket was within reach, so she tugged it closer and managed to drape it over his back.

"Goodnight, my lady." His voice a sleepy murmur. "I love you."

His words crushed her heart in the most delicious way, burning away some of the shadows. She had never been sure if he was actually awake or if it was his subconscious somehow, but he'd whispered those same words each night on Atlantis right as he succumbed to sleep.

"You damn well better." She whispered, smiling now as her eyes washed over his body.

His hand squeezed hers more tightly for the briefest of seconds and her heart jerked. Definitely awake.

"I love you, my tough guy." It was how she'd always answered on Atlantis. "Goodnight."

"That's better." His voice was gruff, but heart warmed in response.

Silence filled the room, save for the soft sound of his breathing and the constant echo of her heart within her ear. Her eyes grew heavy and though she tried to fight, she felt herself slipping into the darkness.

~TBC

A/N: Thank you for reading and for all the lovely reviews. It's always great to see your comments. For whatever reason, I struggled to refine this chapter, so I'm looking forward to seeing your thoughts. I hope you enjoyed!

I'm really headed off for vacation now, so it will be at least a week (maybe a little more) before the next chapter is ready, but it is coming. Sign up for story alerts if you'd like an email when the next chapter is posted.


	10. Chapter 10

Monday morning…

Elizabeth's phone vibrated and her eyes flashed open. Suzanne was the only one who routinely texted her before dawn and that was only because she knew Elizabeth would be awake. Until the past few days, she rarely slept for more than a couple hours at a time. Her aversion to pills had gone on for too long and she was starting to understand the impact of insomnia had worn on her more than she'd realized. She'd felt wonderful yesterday, not only because John was near, but also because it had been the first time she'd had that much sleep in a stretch since before she'd left Atlantis.

The phone buzzed again. She stretched out her fingers and was just able to tug it into reach. Pity she couldn't reach the lamp. The light it cast wasn't as harsh as the overhead, but it had still made sleeping difficult, for her anyway. John was sleeping as if he hadn't slept in weeks. Elizabeth glanced at the screen. Ugh. 5:36 a.m.

 _I saw your light, you two awake? Decent? ;)_

She supposed it wasn't exactly a stretch for Suzanne to realize John was with her. The phone immediately vibrated again _._

 _You two decent? I have keys._

Elizabeth frowned sleepily. There was just a thing as a kitchen counter or the hooks by the door, both were excellent resting places for keys. Then she remembered the blasted light that she couldn't manage to reach. Suzanne could turn it off when she dropped off the keys.

She looked down. They'd resettled during the night, now they were both on their sides with their legs tangled together. His head was still pillowed against her stomach and his arm was stretched around her back, locking her tight against him. She readjusted the sheet over her lower body. The throw had fallen away from John's back, but he still had on his jeans. Regrettably, they were both decent, though the night had been laced with a poignant intimacy that had been powerful in its own right.

Elizabeth messaged back. _Decent. He's asleep. TRY to be quiet._

She stifled a laugh as she typed. Suzanne and quiet weren't words that usually belonged in the same sentence. The door creaked softly and slowly swung open. Suzanne tiptoed across the room, frowning as she crept closer.

"This isn't decent." Suzanne motioned to John. She was trying to be quiet, but her voice came out as an overdramatic whisper that carried. "It's indecent to waste this. Why is he wearing pants?"

Elizabeth held a finger to her lip and narrowed her eyes in warning.

"I get the self-preservation thing and all, but if you're going to let him sleep with you, let him _sleep_ with you. It's going to hurt when he leaves no matter what at this point. You may as well get all the enjoyment you can."

Elizabeth shushed her. "He needs to sleep. He stayed up all night the day before."

"He fell asleep, didn't he?" An incredulous look spread across Suzanne's face. "Well, wake him up now. You still have a few hours before he goes."

"He's not leaving until tomorrow. He worked it out so we have another day."

Suzanne looked thoughtful. "All right. I'll put the keys down by the coffee maker. Take the hint and make him drink some damn coffee."

Her shoulders shook with silent laughter. "Behave, Suzanne."

"I will, if you promise not to." Suzanne winked and took a step back. "I'd hug you goodbye, but you have a shirtless, handsome man latched to your body. It might be awkward."

"As much as I'm enjoying your conversation, I'm trying to sleep here." John groaned and pulled Elizabeth's hand over his ear as if to block the noise.

Her cheeks flamed. Of course he'd heard their whole conversation. Sleep notwithstanding, the idea of darkness became even more appealing. "Suzanne, the lamp. Turn it off before you go."

Suzanne stepped over one of the pillows Elizabeth had tossed in the floor last night. As almost an afterthought, she reached back and picked it up before swatting John with it. "Coffee, tough guy. Seriously."

Elizabeth gasped. "Suze."

John would think she'd been oversharing with her friend. Their present attire had made it too easy for Suzanne to guess John had fallen asleep, but her dropping the name tough guy was pure coincidence, she'd never told Suzanne about that. Tough guy had become an accidental pet name one night after John had limped back to Atlantis after having his ass handed to him on a mission. It had been one of the rare times the circumstances surrounding the ass kicking had been somewhat comical, even more so when his bruises subsided in the following days.

Suzanne paused in the doorway and held up her hand making the call me signal. She threw a kiss and closed the door behind her. Elizabeth's eyes pressed shut and she relaxed into the blissful darkness of the room. Maybe now she could get some real sleep.

"Coffee." John's voice rumbled across her stomach. "You're going to pay for that conversation."

His sleepy voice made his words seem more comical than threatening.

"Looking forward to it, tough guy."

His hand trailed down her back and delved beneath the waistband of her panties. His hand cupped her backside, pulling her lower body flush with his leg that had edged higher between her thighs. Elizabeth's eyes rolled back in her head. Though she bit down on her lips, a soft whimper escaped.

It fell on deaf ears. John hadn't loosened his hold, but she could tell by his breathing he was either asleep or just a few breaths away.

"John?" Elizabeth wiggled trying to loosen his hold, but he'd locked on tight and he didn't budge. "This isn't funny."

This wasn't the type of payback she'd been hoping for. The room might be dark now, but sleep still wasn't going to come easy.

 _Hours later:_

Something cool and wet rubbed against her lip, jarring her from sleep. Elizabeth brushed a hand across her face, but nothing was there. Just a dream. Her body relaxed and she prepared to let sleep overcome her again. She licked her lips and her eyes flashed open. She tasted apple. Her head rolled to the side. John was perched on the side of the bed, holding a knife and slicing off pieces of apple.

His hair was damp from a recent shower and the thick strands jutted wildly about. His jeans were more battered than those he'd worn yesterday. Sadly, he'd already pulled on a t-shirt and fleece jacket. The lopsided smile on his face that made her want to sink her teeth into him instead of the piece of apple he held up to her mouth. She chomped off a bite and reached for the rest of the slice.

"Didn't want you to go hungry." His eyes twinkled. "You still need those cooking lessons."

He certainly seemed well rested. Elizabeth feared she'd be the one in need of the IV of coffee to keep up with him today.

"You're never going to let that go, are you? I'm not exactly starving, I get by just fine." Elizabeth still reached for another slice of apple.

John set the apple just out of reach on the table. "I also brought grapes."

He held one out and her lips closed around his fingers as she drew the fruit into her mouth. His eyes pressed shut and a low growl rumbled in his throat. She quickly chewed and swallowed down the bite.

"Something wrong?" Elizabeth tried not to smile.

John's eyes opened and his head tilted sideways. "I was going to make you breakfast in bed, but since we need to get on the road, I thought fruit would be safer than going the romantic route."

"This is romantic." Elizabeth licked her fingers.

John's hand washed over his face. "That's not exactly how I would describe it, but if you think it's romantic, I'll bring the whole damn fruit bowl up before we go to bed tonight."

A rush a heat flowed through her body and the air seemed to thin as he stared at her. He finally peeled his eyes away and shook his head. "I'm going downstairs. If I stay up here, we'll never leave and you just gave me a hell of an incentive to work fast today."

She blew out a deep breath as John disappeared through the door. She was sorely tempted to go after him. Her body still hadn't forgotten the evil hold he had on her while he slept. She pushed her hair back behind her ears. That was another reason to go after him. Her hair needed washed and the memory of his fingers massaging shampoo against her scalp was enough to send sparks racing down her spine. She reached for the rest of the apple and climbed out of bed.

Today was going to require more than coffee. She needed fuel and, quite possibly, an oxygen tank. John hadn't so much as touched her and she was still not breathing normally. Again, she considered going after him. His leaving had been logical. The problem was, her emotions were not and every minute that passed they were hurdling towards that inevitable moment when they didn't fall asleep, walk away or tear their lips apart.

"I don't hear the shower." John's voice was closer than she'd expected.

She stepped into the hall and spotted him sitting at the top of the stairs. She arched her brow and he shrugged.

"This is as far as I got." John's eyes raked over her body and Elizabeth remembered how short the hem was on the t-shirt. "Start the shower. We need to keep moving or…"

Heat flooded her body as John watched her. His hand rubbed his chin as if simultaneously trying to shut his gaping mouth as well as tear his gaze away.

"I'm going." She slipped back inside the bedroom and closed the door, before leaning back against it.

Her finger traced the curve of her mouth, as the maelstrom of need swirled through her body. The day would probably be more productive without the heavy veil of anticipation. Alternately, productivity would require them leaving the house and that wouldn't happen if one of them caved. Productivity, she mused. That had always risen to the top of priorities on Atlantis, but they weren't on Atlantis. Her hand reached back and turned the doorknob.

"Stop it. And lock the door behind you."

Maybe she should have been embarrassed that she'd been so easily busted on the verge of caving in, but his words revealed he struggled as well and a smile stretched wide across her face.

"Stop smiling and get in the shower already." Elizabeth laughed now. She used her heel to push away from the door and she made her way into the bathroom and started the shower. Normally, she enjoyed the warmth of the shower, but she wasn't sure she could take any more steamy heat that morning. She turned the nozzle on and directed the temperature to cold.

 _Later that morning…_

Elizabeth exited the car rental agency and scanned the parking lot for John. His Jeep had been right behind her car all the way to D.C., but he'd turned off a few blocks back. She started to step back inside when she spotted him pulling in.

He parked and jumped out of the car. "Sorry, that took longer than I thought."

John's hand went to her lower back and he steered her around the towards the passenger door. Her nerves immediately started humming again just from his sheer proximity and she forgot to even ask where he'd gone. All thought washed away and her senses were overran from his touch, the scent of his cologne, and the heat radiating off his body. Her head rolled to the side and she tried to draw in some fresh air to clear him mind. He was barely touching her and she was falling apart. Damn anticipation. Her mind had been running wild during the hour long drive and the tension was consuming her body and mind. They'd never make it through the day if she didn't get a grip.

He reached for the door, but instead his hands grasped her hips and he drew her closer. "I liked the dress, but I really like the blue jeans, too."

It was no wonder. The dress had been loose and billowy while these jeans were fitted, somehow making her look like she had more curves than she actually did. If he kept looking at her like this, she was going to go back to the store and buy a dozen more pair. His hands slipped into her back pockets and he loomed over her. Her eyes pressed shut, but he bypassed her mouth and his lips landed beside her ear.

"We'd better get you in the car."

His gravelly voice paired with his breath falling hot against her ear made her knees weaken in response. She decided sitting was actually a great idea. He gently guided her into the car and the aroma of coffee filled the air. She buckled her seatbelt and deeply inhaled the rich scent.

"I stopped for coffee." He pointed at the cups. "Drink up. I can't have you falling asleep on me tonight."

"Me?" Her protest was lost as he shut the door. She shook her head and reached for the cup.

She settled back against the seat and watched as he buckled up and started the Jeep.

He looked up and found her eyes on him. "What?" He asked.

"We've never been in a car together before. How strange is that?"

He started the engine and stretched his arm behind her seat, as he backed the Jeep out of the parking space. "You've ridden in a space ship that I piloted in a different galaxy and you think this is strange?"

"You know what I mean. You've never been to my house either, that's strange." Her eyes rolled, but she was smiling. "Turn right out of the parking lot."

John turned right and they were immediately stopped at a red light. "I know where I'm going. I've never been in your house, but I've been there." He picked up his own coffee cup and took a sip.

"When have you been to my house?"

"Do you really think I would have gone to visit your mother without trying to catch you at your house first?" He put the cup down as the light turned. "And I know Dave or Suzanne have probably told you I went to see her."

Elizabeth sipped her coffee. When she'd returned to Earth, she and John were both still recovering from what had happened to her, neither was thinking rationally. Still, it was hard to believe they'd let a whole year slip away. She knew he was leaving tomorrow and she didn't want or expect any promises about the future, but she knew it would be different this time. They didn't have to be together to be a part of each other and somehow she knew that would never change.

"So you're really selling your house?" John glanced at her when they stopped at the next light.

She nodded her head to the side. "Yes. It feels a little unsettling, though, the idea of not having a permanent address."

"I know the feeling." John reached out and his hand grasped her leg. "You're in good company."

It was less than a five minute drive to her brownstone and he didn't let go of her until they arrived. He managed to snag a spot on the street just outside. He exited quickly and was opening her car door before she'd even gathered her coffee and messenger bag. They made their way across the sidewalk and up the stairs to her porch.

From the outside, her house already seemed empty. All of her porch furniture and plants had been given away and a layer of dust rested upon the bay window. John took her coffee while she fished the keys out of her bag and unlocked the door.

"Your place is different from what I expected." John passed back her coffee as they stepped inside.

"What did you expect?" She moved deeper into the room and switched on the overhead light.

His eyes panned the room that was empty save for two bookshelves, an armchair and four partially filled boxes. "More furniture, to start."

Elizabeth smiled. She headed towards the kitchen island and put down her things. He was probably already wondering if she still had a bed, which unfortunately, she did not.

"I've been paring down ever since I got back from Atlantis. I donated the furniture to a charity that works to transition the homeless back to permanent housing. They are picking up the chair and bookshelves in..." She pulled up John's wrist and glanced at his watch. "About thirty minutes."

"That sounds like a great cause, but why are you giving everything away?"

She paused for a moment. She knew it probably seemed a little dramatic, but it was a decision she'd made after careful consideration. It hadn't been easy to explain to her mother, but she thought maybe John would understand."

"Nothing seemed right when I came back. Not this house, the furniture. Not the job or the clothes." Elizabeth rested against the island and twirled a strand of hair. "I just wanted to start fresh."

John's eyes scanned the room again. "Do you miss any of it? Seems like the counselors usually recommend that you don't make any rash changes when you are still…transitioning."

Transitioning was a nice word for it. But the fact he even broached the subject caught her by surprise.

"How did you know I was still seeing the psychologist?"

"Standard procedure after what you went through. They forced me through it after Afghanistan."

"Oh…" Her voice was soft and she'd intended to say more, but he didn't like to talk about Afghanistan and she didn't want to push him today.

"You said still. You're still seeing the psychologist?" John's eyes pressed shut and his hand washed over his face. Her heart skipped a beat when he looked at her again, his eyes were alight with a fierce mix of emotions she normally only saw when he was holding himself accountable for things he shouldn't be.

"John, I'm fine."

He swallowed hard and the veins on his neck pulsed. His head tilted and she could read in his eyes that he already knew better. He didn't say anything. He just watched her and waited, silently prompting her to continue.

"All right. So I wasn't fine in the beginning, but I'm better now. You know I wouldn't have been cleared to go to the Middle East otherwise."

"I should have been there for you." He closed the gap between them and his hands ran down the sides of her flannel shirt.

"You're here now."

He nudged her nose with his own and she let all thoughts of psychologists fall away. She instinctively tilted her head and her mouth parted on its own accord. A second later his lips still hadn't brushed hers and her eyes flashed open. He'd been waiting for her to open her eyes and the look in his eyes shook her to the core, jarring the final bits of resistance from heart.

It was like flipping a switch, like the universe had finally realigned, allowing her to tap back into the raw and powerful connection that had evolved back on Atlantis once they'd managed to shed all the barriers between them. From the moment their lips had first brushed on her balcony, it hadn't taken them long to push beyond the storm of love and desire, catapulting them into something that transcended anything she could ever hope to explain. At the time, it had overwhelmed her, challenged everything she'd ever held to be true and it had awakened parts of her she didn't know existed.

Now, the look within his eyes stirred her soul from slumber and gave her a clarity she didn't remember ever grasping before. Tomorrow would come and go. The world wouldn't stop when he returned to Atlantis. And no matter what road lay ahead for them, she finally understood that John would always be a part of her. Pieces of him would always remain in her heart and her soul, just as she knew pieces of hers would remain with him.

Their noses brushed again as she tilted her head the other way, trying to blink away the moisture that had sprung to her eyes. His hands came up now to cup her face and he held her forehead to his for a long moment before he readjusted and lightly grazed her lips with his own.

The doorbell rang and John stepped back. He cupped her chin. "We'll continue that conversation later."

Unsurprisingly, their most important conversations never required actual words.

Elizabeth wiped her eyes and started for the door. "Can you start throwing books in the boxes? They are earlier than I expected."

She pulled open the door and groaned internally. This charity happened to have a lot of military volunteers. Of course the men they'd sent to pick up her furniture were in full Army camo.

"Lieutenants." John greeted them and threw a pointed look at Elizabeth.

"Did you know there are a lot of military vets in the homeless population?" It was true, but the words slipped out before she could stop them. It was the very reason she'd gotten involved, but it wasn't something she wanted to get into with John right now.

John's expression turned thoughtful. He reached out to shake their hands. "Lieutenant Colonel John Sheppard, pleasure to meet you. Thanks for helping out today."

Twenty minutes later the books and mementos had been cleared from the shelves and the furniture was loaded in the truck. She waved as the truck pulled away from the curb and went back inside. John was finishing stowing the loose items in boxes and Elizabeth went upstairs to make a final sweep of the bedrooms.

Fifteen minutes later, she went back downstairs with an odd assortment of clothing and randomness in her arms. John was leaning against the kitchen counter and her heart seized when she saw him flipping through a thickly bound report packet. She glanced at his face and her breath caught. Her arms went limp and everything she was holding fell to the floor.

John heard the crash and he cast his eyes towards her. It was the same look on his face when he found out they'd lost someone back on Atlantis, a heart wrenching mixture of guilt and regret.

"Sixty thousand? There are sixty thousand homeless veterans?" He held up the report binder. "These names, is this for real?"

Elizabeth nodded and quietly moved towards him.

"I know some of them. These two were under my command on Atlantis." John's finger ran down a list of names in the appendix of the report. "I served with this guy in Afghanistan and, this one, he was also a Lieutenant Colonel in the Air Force. I never met him, but I've heard of him. How is this possible, Elizabeth?"

She reached for him and he flinched. Her eyes darted towards the ceiling and she took a deep breath. It had been a long time since she'd seen him in such a state and there was only one way to get him through it. As difficult as it was, all she could do was give him space and time to sort through it.

"Some suffered PTSD, it made it difficult for them to hold jobs after their military discharge. Some had injuries that left them with physical limitations. Some are underemployed." Elizabeth paused, wondering how much he'd want to hear right now. "I've met that Lieutenant Colonel. He's on full military pension, but he's getting divorced and all his money is going to his son's college tuition. He's been crashing on his friends couches, somewhere different every week."

"These are our guys." His voice was anguished. "They risked their lives and they ended up homeless?"

"Some are just…fragile. They might be an auto-repair bill away from the street. Some don't understand how to tap into the available resources and many are too proud to ask."

Elizabeth hadn't even told Dave and Suzanne she'd been working on a funding proposal for programs to help military vets, she hadn't for this very reason. John had always been fiercely protective of those he served with and always held himself personally responsible when something went wrong. That didn't stop for him once they left the battlefield. She'd known all along how he'd react once he found out how bad the situation really was for some of the veterans. It was probably just as well he didn't know the funding request had been denied. The timing of it all was actually just a bit uncanny.

John held the paper back up and his finger trailed down the list of names. "You didn't just go to visit my family, did you?"

Elizabeth didn't answer.

"You went to see them all."

She sighed softly. "Not all. I did visit a few families of those we…lost."

His brow raised towards her, he knew she was holding back.

Elizabeth diverted her eyes. "When I first got back, what I was going through was difficult. It made me wonder how the rest of our team who had returned over the years were doing. I haven't seen them all. I was out of pocket a lot when I was in the Middle East, but as I've been able, I've been following up."

John pointed at her funding proposal. "This is what you're going to do with the foundation, isn't it?"

She turned her eyes back to his. "Yes."

John flipped back several pages in the packet. "This networking lunch every month, the one that connects military veterans with hiring directors at local companies…you set that up?"

"It was the least I could do. I might not have the resources of your family, but I have a lot of contacts in the area. They keep it running when I'm not in town. There is so much more I'll be able to do now. The West Coast has greater need for assistance, California alone has twenty thousand homeless veterans."

"When you left Atlantis, I thought…"

He didn't have to finish, she knew. He thought she didn't care about him or about their crew.

"And you've been back here trying to take care of them all."

"Most of them are doing a good job taking care of themselves. I'm just trying to keep the rest from slipping through the cracks."

"Sixty thousand." John repeated. He dropped the report binder on the island and his hand scrubbed down the back of his neck.

She had to keep halting her footsteps, it was so hard to not wrap her arms around him, but John didn't like to share his pain. If they'd been on Atlantis, this would be about the time he escaped for a run. As if on cue, he started pacing the floor.

"Why don't you go for a walk? Get some fresh air while I finish packing up."

John strode towards the door and pulled it open.

"Wait." Elizabeth dashed after him. She hadn't expected him to jump that quickly at her suggestion. "Give me your keys. Call me if you end up too far away and I'll come pick you up."

He dug the keys out of his pocket and passed them back. He took another step and she rolled her eyes in exasperation.

"John, wait."

He was avoiding her eyes, so she pressed her chest against his back and wrapped her arms around him. He didn't pull away and she held on longer than she'd intended, resting her head against his back. A long moment later he shifted and she loosened her grip.

"Thank you for being you and for what you're doing for them." His body was tense, but he pulled her hand to his mouth and kissed it gently. "I need to be part of this somehow."

"I'd like that." She'd love that actually, love to be working alongside him again.

He kissed her hand again and released it. "I just need some time to…process all of this."

"I know." She pressed a kiss into his shoulder and she stepped back, watching as he walked away.

She sat down on the top step, her eyes tracked him until he turned and headed west. Either he knew his way around her neighborhood better than she thought or it was just dumb luck that he headed directly for the path along the canal. She pulled out her phone from her jeans pocket and checked the time. It was unseasonably warm for D.C. at this time of year and the sun was shining brightly. He'd probably be gone longer than a few minutes once he hit the water trail and she did owe him a meal. She punched the speed dial on her cell phone. If nothing else, Chinese delivery would give him another opportunity to poke fun of her cooking skills, that was guaranteed to bring a smile to his face.

An hour later, the delivery driver pulled away just as John strode back into view. She blew out a slow breath. He'd taken even longer than she'd anticipated and it had been starting to worry her. She put the food bag on the top of the steps and sat down to wait. As he drew closer, she could see that one arm was tucked behind his back and her eyes narrowed. He trotted up the steps and sat down two steps below her. He swiveled sideways and rested his elbow on her knee. He pulled his other hand up and handed her a bouquet of white roses.

"Hey." She took the roses and deeply inhaled. "What are these for? They're beautiful."

"Not as beautiful as you." John peered up at her through his lashes and her heart fluttered. "I've never been able to bring you flowers, it was overdue. Plus, when I was walking and thinking everything over, I started feeling bad for having teased you about men in uniforms."

"There is one man in uniform I'm quite fond of, but I must admit, it's more fun when he's not wearing it."

"Elizabeth."

Her toes almost curled from the way he breathed her name. His eyes sparked, finally burning through the dim that had settled in when he'd read her funding proposal. Her skin seemed to warm in response to his heated gaze, though she shouldn't have been surprised it had only taken seconds to end back up in the clutches of anticipation.

"I've never had white roses before." She finally managed.

John glanced down at them. "They made me think of a blank canvas. It seemed fitting somehow."

Since she'd left Atlantis, her world had become a blank canvas, but the palette had never seemed quite so rich until this weekend.

"They're perfect."

Their eyes lingered again and Elizabeth had to remind herself to breathe. The wind blew softly, carrying with it the savory aroma of their food.

"Hungry?" She nodded towards the bag and was rewarded with John's wide smile.

"Delivery?"

"Of course. You pointed out I owed you some meals." She moved the bag between them and started pulling cartons out. The sun was bright and warming, it would be nicer eating out here than inside the empty shell of her house.

John handed her a bottle of water and picked up a container. He started eating while she sorted through the rest of the cartons until she found her favorite. She took a bite and savored the rich heat of the sauce.

"Looks like you're enjoying that." John moved up to sit beside her.

She held out her carton. "Want to try it?"

He ignored the carton and he leaned into her. Her mouth opened with a gasp of surprise when his lips crashed into hers. The bold caress of his tongue was like Novocaine to her brain. He pulled away a moment later while she stared dumbly at him, trying to remember what she'd been doing in the first place.

"That was good." John licked his lips.

"Szechwan sauce." Her voice was raspy.

"I wasn't talking about the food."

"Oh..." She realized she was leaning back towards him and quickly straightened.

John opened another container and kept shoveling food in his mouth. She took another bite, knowing her body needed fuel, but her appetite for food had waned. He glanced back at her and did a double take, undoubtedly seeing the hungry look in her eyes.

He wiped his mouth and tugged something from his back pocket. He held up a flat box wrapped in Christmas paper. "I got something else for you."

She eyed him carefully, but put down her food and accepted the box. "It has Christmas wrapping paper, should I save it?"

"No, open it. I have an idea for later today."

She had a lot of ideas about later that day, but she gingerly tore into the paper. She pried open the box and was delighted to find a Christmas tree ornament with the year dated on it. "I love this."

Her heart fell a moment later as she remembered he wouldn't be here for Christmas to hang it on the tree with her. They'd never had a Christmas tree to decorate together. He must has seen the flicker of sadness in her eyes because he reached out and took her hand. His fingers laced with hers and he pulled her hand up, brushing her knuckles with his lips.

He brought their laced hands to his cheek. "Have you ever been on the east trail of the lake house? It goes up on the ridge and out onto the point?"

"No." That trail was too rocky for the horses. She'd seen it, but had never been up there.

"The Christmas after our infamous Thanksgiving dinner that Bunny wrecked, my dad brought us back to the lake house. He liked going to Aspen to ski over the holidays, but he was still trying to make things right with my mother after his blow up. He knew she liked Christmas more low key, she was never a big fan of the Aspen scene. Anyway, he took us for a walk and let us pick out a Christmas tree. He hacked it down Clark Griswold style. It wasn't pretty, but we loved that tree."

Elizabeth smiled. It was probably the first childhood memory he'd ever shared where all the members of his household had seemed happy.

"It ended up being a pretty decent Christmas. The next spring, my dad had a section of the ridge cleared, it was mostly low laying brush. He had it planted with pine trees."

Her eyes stretched. "You have your own Christmas tree farm?"

"It's not even an acre, not anything near a farm, but it's still pretty cool. We didn't get out to the lake house every year for Christmas, but we'd have one replanted every time we did cut one down."

Elizabeth decided at that moment, wherever she ended up buying property there needed to be room for her very own grove of Christmas trees. That had to be one of the best family traditions she'd ever heard.

"Want to put up a Christmas tree today?"

"Hmm?" His words slowly sank in and, yes, she absolutely wanted to put up a Christmas tree. "Really?"

He chuckled at her delight. "Really. That's something else we've never been able to do. Maybe we should start checking things off a list and make sure we get caught up." He released her hand and picked back up a carton of food.

"But I won't be there all season. I'm going to travel a bit." Elizabeth bit down on her lip. It would have been nice.

"There is a housekeeper, she can refill the water for the tree. It'll be fine. Plus, you don't want to come home at the holidays and not have one up."

Not again, she thought. Her gloomy Christmas last year was what prompted the initial stages of cleaning out her house.

"All right then. Let's put up a tree." She was probably grinning like a little kid, but she couldn't help it. She loved the holidays and the thought of getting a taste of Christmas with John made her heart sing.

John nodded at the food. "Finish up. I'm ready to get out of here, how about you?"

She took another bite and nodded. She was ready to say goodbye to this town, even if it did mean giving up her favorite Chinese delivery place. She glanced at the flowers as she chewed. It wasn't just her world, her life was a blank canvas and never had that thought seemed so enticing before.

~TBD

A/N:

The statistics I used in this story on homeless veterans were from 2012, but it was the best report I found so I used it. The numbers may have changed, but I was still staggered by the amount. It really was actually 20,000 in California alone and there was, is, a Lieutenant Colonel retired from the Air Force who was going through a divorce, putting his kids through college on his military pension and crashing on his friends couches. Google should easily return all those in search results if you wanted to read more.

I know there was a lot of heavy, but I hope you enjoyed. Thanks for reading and for all of you who are so kind to take the time to review. Not sure when the next chapter will post, it's outlined but not written, so we'll see how it goes now that the insanity of the holiday season is upon us. Sign up for story alerts if you'd like to know when the next chapter posts.


	11. Chapter 11

They'd been on the road almost an hour, though it felt like it had only been minutes. They were winding around an old county highway, closing in on the small town that was closest to the lake house. There was a surprising amount of color still left in the trees. Paired with the warm rays of the sun, it made for a beautiful afternoon drive.

John's fingers strummed along the steering wheel. He glanced over and caught her staring. "What?"

"I don't know, it's just nice. We've never been in the car like this before."

He laughed softly. "Didn't we already have this conversation? And we've been in a car before."

"For the five minutes it took to get from the car rental agency to my brownstone. This is different, kind of like a road trip."

Another thing they'd never done and a wave of longing swept over her. She flicked her eyes back to his and his mouth opened softly. He glanced out the window beyond her and swiftly pulled the Jeep off the road.

"What are you doing?" She glanced outside.

He'd pulled over at a scenic overlook. It was a stunning vista of the valley below the hills. His hands tunneled into her hair. He drew her around and kissed her with heart stopping tenderness. His nose brushed against hers as he edged away.

She didn't have to ask what that kiss had been for, she knew he'd read the wistful look in her eyes. His eyes were filled with promise and hope. It inspired a fluttery sensation within her chest, reminding her of the butterflies she'd felt in the early days of their relationship back on Atlantis.

"Let's get out for a minute." Elizabeth fumbled in her bag.

She could tell she'd caught him off guard, but he obliged and shut off the car. He almost immediately appeared at her door, opening it just as she came up with her phone.

His eyes flicked to the phone in her hand. "Elizabeth, I don't really feel like talking to Rodney right now."

The corners of her lips twitched. "I spoke to him already. He called when you were busy roaming the streets of D.C., shopping for flowers and ornaments. I'm not calling anyone, I want to get a picture. I don't have any of us together."

A low rock wall lined the curve of the scenic pull off. They worked their way towards it and turned to face the road. The valley below would be a beautiful backdrop. She pulled up the camera on her phone and John stepped behind her. He swept her hair over her shoulder and his lips nuzzled her neck.

"John." Her intended protest ended up sounding like a ragged invitation for more.

He laughed softly, but he edged away from her neck. "All right, get your picture." His hands wound around her hips and he pulled her back against his chest.

She stretched out her arm. Just as she snapped the photo, his fingers drifted under the waistline of her jeans, tickling her sensitive skin. Her mouth opened in surprise and with the start of laughter. Her head snapped sideways to look back at him and his lips swooped in, capturing hers in brief, but sultry kiss.

His lips broke with hers and he pressed a soft kiss to her nose before laughing softly. "We might have to try that again, I think I ruined your picture."

She wasn't complaining, happy shivers were still racing down her spine. She pulled the phone up to have a look. There were more photos than she'd expected, she must have triggered the burst feature. She thumbed through and her heart did a happy dance. There was actually a picture of them both looking forward and smiling, but there were multiple shots of each moment that followed. Those were the priceless ones.

When her head snapped back towards John's, it had caught them laughing, looking in each other's eyes. There were photos with the kiss, somehow capturing its evolution from tender to steamy. The next photos were from a lower angle. They were a little sideways too. She'd been distracted, after all, and her arm had fallen to her side. She must have had her finger on the shutter the whole time. The photo of him kissing her nose looked like an art print, she could already envision it in black and white.

"Did you get one? Let me see." John swiped the phone away.

Elizabeth was incredulous she'd been that lucky. All she'd wanted was one photo, but instead, she ended up with a delicious moment frozen in time.

"Text me a few of those." He swallowed hard and handed back the phone. His eyes simmered over her for a long moment.

"Forwarding them now."

"Don't forget a picture of our feet. The ones of the pavement are good too." He reached up and ran his fingers through his hair. "My hair isn't really that crazy looking is it?"

She rolled her eyes, but couldn't help but laugh as he walked her back to the Jeep. He pulled open her door and waited until she'd buckled up before closing it. She stretched to start the car while he ambled back around to his side. She was just reaching for the radio when he climbed in.

"Hey." He buckled his seat belt and grabbed her hand, lacing his fingers through hers. "I thought we settled this, the driver gets to pick the music."

"I didn't agree to any such thing, but I'll be happy to drive." She flicked her eyes over to him. "You realize I still have a free hand. I can still change the station, while you need your other hand to drive."

"I know, I just like aggravating you. You look cute when you argue." John used their laced hands to shift the Jeep into drive.

"Your eyes are supposed to be on the road, not me." She smiled and cast her eyes back out to the overlook. "It doesn't really matter, we like the same music anyway."

"But you want to listen to all the commercials and there might be good music playing on another station." He released her hand and guided the Jeep back onto the highway.

"I don't like listening to the commercials, it's just jarring to hear a different song every ten seconds while you're flipping through. I…" She looked up at him and found his eyes dancing.

He really was enjoying himself. She had to admit she was as well. It was nice to see him so relaxed. Atlantis was a lot to shoulder and, while his playful side was irrepressible, he'd never completely relaxed there.

He glanced over and caught her staring. "What? You were saying something?"

Was she? Her mind was happily muddled. She'd never had John to herself for this amount of time before, during the day, at any rate. Another oddity considering how serious their relationship had become on Atlantis. There, the days had been filled with crew members watching their every move, but the nights, for the most part, had belonged to them. She'd officially moved to quarters on an otherwise deserted hallway, ensuring no prying eyes would be watching their coming and goings. He'd unofficially moved in with her the same night, though the Johnny Cash poster and a few other personal items stayed in his old room just for appearances sake.

He glanced at her again. "You keep looking at me like that, I'll have to pull over again."

Thinking about the nights they'd shared wouldn't be the sanest way to spend the remainder of the drive. She could only imagine the look in her eyes. She bit down on her lip and tilted her head away.

Elizabeth spotted the sign a minute later. "Two miles to town."

His family's estate was ten miles out of town, they were close. Instead of staying on the highway, John turned the Jeep towards the heart of downtown.

"Let's hit the grocery store on the way in."

She startled. "The grocery store?"

John glanced at her and laughed. "Don't look so horrified."

Horrified wasn't the best word and terrified might be too dramatic, but she tended to shy away from big box grocery stores and shopping malls alike. The quaint country store he pulled into, though, she actually liked. She'd braved it once before only to discover it was small, charming and carried high quality items. Most importantly, it also had a gourmet deli. She relaxed as he parked the car and she waited for him to come around to her side. It hadn't taken her long to realize he was going to break his neck trying to get around the car to open her door.

"John, was your mother from the South?" She asked as he opened the door.

"She lived most of her life in Virginia, near D.C., but she was born in Charleston, South Carolina. It's beautiful there, have you been?"

She shook her head no.

"We should visit sometime." He waited until she stepped out of the Jeep and he shut the door.

Elizabeth bit down to suppress a smile. She didn't want to make a big deal of it and make him uncomfortable, but she'd never noticed how much of a gentlemen John could be until this weekend. It had been easy to miss on Atlantis where the doors had no knobs and they disappeared into the walls rather than swung open. But here, he made a point of holding open all the doors in the house and she really was afraid he'd sprain an ankle at the breakpoint speed he darted around the Jeep trying to open the door before she did. The few men who'd been that mannerly around her all had mothers who'd imparted a healthy dose of southern hospitality upon them.

John was eyeing her curiously. "What made you ask?"

"The horses." She was enjoying the charm of John's chivalry, she wasn't about to spoil it with the truth.

"Oh, yeah. She loved the horses."

"That's what Dave said."

"I could see you enjoyed them." His voice dropped and he muttered something about Blaze.

A darkened look flooded his eyes, instantly putting her on alert. "What about Blaze?"

She rested back against the Jeep, glad he'd parked toward the back of the lot. There was a fence on one side of the Jeep and the brick wall of the store exterior in the front. They were somewhat shielded from prying eyes.

John stepped closer. "I said, it looked like you were enjoying Blaze, too."

His voice was so low, she could still barely hear him.

"What are you talking about?"

"I saw you with him Saturday morning." John braced his body with one hand against the Jeep and he loomed over her, his mouth closing in on her ear. "I didn't like it.

Her heart started thudding. Jealously was supposed to be a juvenile thing, but she'd rarely seen it manifest in such a sensual manner. She hadn't seen him worked up like this since he'd evicted Lucius Lavin from Atlantis. She blew out a slow breath. Saturday morning? It wasn't easy to concentrate with his breath hot against her ear.

"I saw you together at the stable, he was rubbing your leg." His eyes slanted towards her. "You were flirting with him."

Blaze had never laid a finger on her, much less touched her leg. She was starting to feel a sense of whiplash. How had the hell had the conversation turned from his mother to this? The horses, she sighed. She'd brought up the horses and Blaze had been at the stables Saturday.

"You saw…what?" Her mind raced as she reflected back, trying to figure out what he could have seen.

"You had a leg cramp, he was bent down on the ground massaging your leg, tickling you."

Laughter bubbled up in Elizabeth's chest. This was really bothering him, she could hardly believe it. "I believe there may have been a healthy dose of jealously compromising your perception."

John shifted uncomfortably. "How would you describe what happened?"

"Where were you?" Elizabeth considered leaving him in misery, but there was a trace of something in his eyes treading precariously close to pain. She reached up, trailing her fingers around his jaw. "You couldn't have been within earshot and you definitely didn't get a clear view of what was going on."

"I wasn't far, I was by the pool house."

Ahh. John had slept in the hammock the night before. He had been close, not close enough, though. She vaguely remembered he'd talked to Suzanne that morning, too. God only knew what she'd said to rile him up like this.

She let her hand fall to his hip. "My calf muscle started cramping when I was riding. I dismounted too quickly and my foot caught in the stirrup. Blaze saw and came to help."

"I'll bet he came to help." John muttered.

She couldn't suppress her smile at that.

"I managed to get my foot lose without any help, but Romeo was being impatient for my attention." Elizabeth paused, she knew her coming words would sound farfetched. "He nudged my side, tickling me and I jerked. I'd just taken my phone out of my pocket and it went flying. Blaze picked it up for me."

"The horse tickled you?" His brow arched. "Let's say I buy that, you were still flirting. You told Blaze to behave."

She sighed and rubbed her temple. "I tell everyone to behave. I don't know why, it's just there in my brain. And if I seemed flirtatious, well, that's probably your fault. It was the first time in a year you'd been around and you've always brought out that side of me."

John's free hand came up and he twirled an errant lock of her hair. "I think you being flirtatious is more powerful than you realize. You need to be careful where you direct that stuff."

Oh…damn. The look in his eyes sucked the breath right out of her. It was completely unfair that he could command the heady mix of ferocity, tenderness and sensuality all within the same simmering gaze. Again, she acknowledged it was completely juvenile, but there was a small part of her that was overly appreciative of his jealously.

Her cheeks flushed as he held her eyes. They really needed to get home. Not home, she automatically corrected, but god, how easy was it to imagine that at this moment. He's here now, she reminded herself, and he's as much of a handful as he ever was.

She smiled ruefully. "Duly noted. Now will you tell me why we're at the grocery store?"

His eyes lingered on hers for a long moment. Finally, he nodded and pushed away from the Jeep.

"You're going to get your first cooking lesson tonight." He took her hand and they started for the store. "Try not to flirt with anyone in here and if we run into any men in uniforms, I'm sending you to wait in the car."

"Hey. I thought you were going to give that a rest."

She was enjoying his teasing, though. Their time on Atlantis had been shrouded with the intensity that accompanied living under constant threat. Not that John hadn't expressed his playful side, but here he was different. They were different, and it was in a good way.

His thumb rubbed along her fingers. "I'll buy you some more flowers if you want. I might feel a little bad for aggravating you, but I don't think I'm capable of stopping. You've just made it too easy."

"I think you're going to be indebted for more than flowers at the rate you're going." The rest of his words registered in her brain. "Wait, did you say cooking lesson?"

"My mom didn't like to cook much, but she loved pasta. One of her recipes stuck with me." John stepped ahead to open the door, but it swung open automatically. "Anyway, that's part of the tradition. We always had Italian on the night we decorated the Christmas tree."

Her heart warmed, another family tradition. Italian food had never sounded better. She looked around. This was one of those moments you just wanted to grab onto anyone and ask if they were seeing this too. Decorating Christmas trees, cooking, and family traditions. Her day had turned surreal. It wasn't the first time she'd been in this town feeling like she'd somehow stumbled into the Hallmark Movie of the Month, but it was the first time she felt like she'd landed the leading role. Now all she needed was the trademark happy ending.

She watched him grab a cart and her heart twitched again. How could there be absolutely no one around who could properly appreciate the image of John Sheppard pushing a shopping cart? At that moment, a Barbie look alike swept by eyeing John appreciatively. That wasn't what she had in mind for a witness, but thankfully John didn't give the woman a second glance.

"Come on." He nodded for her to follow.

He headed straight into produce, looking as comfortable sorting through tomatoes as he did sorting through ordinance back on Atlantis. After the tomatoes, he grabbed fresh oregano and basil. Next, celery and carrots went in the cart, she wasn't even going to ask what those were doing in a pasta sauce.

"Need anything else while we're here?" He asked.

Good question. She watched John head for the meat counter and she ducked into the freezer isle. Ice cream. She'd want a lot of that after he left. Chocolate too. She made a left turn and found half an isle of gourmet chocolate bars and confections. This really was a delightful store. Her arms were full when she circled back towards him. His eyes twinkled, but he didn't say anything when she unloaded her bounty of sweets.

"Whoa." John paused in front of a section of refrigerated drinks. It looked like he was eyeing the individual cans and bottles of craft beer, but he pulled a colorful energy drink out. "Monster energy drinks? I remember when all you could get is Red Bull. Monster sounds more in keeping with my line of work."

"No, just. No." Elizabeth swiped the can.

If it had been the night before…maybe. But he'd had a good night of sleep. He'd had coffee. He had completely rebounded to the ultra alertness that was his normal state of existence. That meant he already had more energy coiling just under the surface than most people did after downing a four pack of energy drinks. The thought of John on an energy drink like that, phew. She wasn't sure if she should laugh or shudder, but either way, the can was going back on the shelf.

"Now, that's just not nice." John pouted as she re-shelved the drink.

She turned and, from the corner of her eyes, she saw him slip two cans of the energy drink in the cart.

She laughed and shook her head. "Fine, but you're not drinking those on my watch. You can take them with you tomorrow."

John closed back in on her side, a thoughtful expression on his face. "Maybe I should get some more to take back."

Elizabeth glanced over and raised a brow skeptically. She could only imagine John's team hopped up on that kind of caffeine. Teyla would be fine, but…Ronon, McKay? "Maybe you should stick with chocolate and popcorn."

John nodded towards the cart. "We've already got plenty of chocolate, but the popcorn's a good idea."

Elizabeth elbowed him. "That's my chocolate, get your own."

"See, we're learning all kinds of things about each other today." John steered the cart back towards the chocolate.

"Like what?" Elizabeth did have to admit she'd never had more fun in a grocery store. "That you're the jealous type?"

His eyes cast to hers and he treated her to swift smoldering gaze, before turning back to pick out some chocolate. "I've learned that you are a chocolate hoarder who doesn't like to share and, for someone who practically mainlines coffee, you are surprisingly strict with caffeine when it comes to other people. You sound just like…"

A mother, she thought, as his voice trailed away. John stopped and eyed her carefully. Elizabeth dug deep and pushed thoughts of babies aside.

"It's okay, you can say it." She forced a smile to her face. "A women with PMS, right?"

His face melded into a tender, knowing smile. She didn't want to dwell on the have nots tonight and he could see that. He leaned forward and planted a fast kiss on her lips. Her heart rolled over. She could remember the first time she'd ever hugged him, how he'd frozen beneath his touch, and now he was kissing her in public as if it were the most natural thing in the world. They'd come a long way over the years.

She wasn't paying enough attention and she bumped into the solid wall of muscle that was the man pushing the cart in the opposite direction.

"Sorry!" They both said simultaneously, though she was pretty sure it was her fault.

The man smiled and nodded courteously. As he moved away, his jacket opened to reveal a grey shirt with the words Semper Fi in black print. She almost cringed. Anyone could purchase that type of shirt, but his build and the way he carried himself screamed military. Odds were, the man she'd just bumped into was a Marine. Maybe retired, she glanced back trying to gauge his age.

John's eyes hand cupped her chin, drawing her face back around to him. Of course he'd caught her looking back, just as his sharp eyes had undoubtedly caught the verbiage on the man's t-shirt.

"You, my lady, are trouble." His arm swung around her waist and he drew her closer to his side. "Let's get out of here. We have a tree to decorate."

Two hours later, Elizabeth stood on the point of the eastern ridge near the lake house. She turned away from the half acre of pine trees and was treated to a breathtaking view of the lake as well as the acres of woods surrounding the estate. How had she never been up here before? She felt a world away from reality. The sound of the chainsaw splintered the air and her reverie. She crossed her arms and looked back to John.

It didn't take long for the tree to come crashing down. She'd selected a medium sized one, wanting to the save the large pine trees for Christmases his family would be using the house.

"Couldn't you have just used the handsaw?"

He put down the chainsaw before flipping back the safety glasses. "What?"

He looked ridiculously adorable, though she'd never tell him that. It would probably offend some masculine sensibility to call him cute while he wielded a chainsaw.

"You had to use the chainsaw?" Elizabeth tilted her head sideways. "What is it with men and power tools?"

"You're just mad I wouldn't let you use the ax." He shot her a rakish grin. "Either that or you're still bothered by the ride up."

Elizabeth never even realized they had ATV's tucked away in the large garage. It had been an uphill drive and she wasn't fond of heights. To make things more interesting, she'd been plastered against his body, hanging on for dear life while he drove. Bothered probably was an apt description for the state she'd been in upon arrival.

"Maybe I just wanted to drive." She narrowed her gaze. "Or maybe I wanted to use the chainsaw."

He bit down on his lip and she knew he was trying not to laugh.

"Well you're in luck, you're going to need to drive it back so I can make sure the tree and chainsaw stayed tied on the rack."

She opened her mouth to protest, but after she considered it, it actually sounded kind of fun. "Okay."

She could see the surprise in his eyes and his smile stretched wide across his face. But as John had reminded her that morning, she'd been on spaceships in another galaxy. Certainly she could manage to drive an ATV back to the lodge.

He started dragging the tree towards the ATV. She turned back towards the lake. Maybe it wasn't a bad idea to learn how to drive that thing, this was definitely a view she could get used to. She could hear John's footsteps behind her.

His arms wrapped around her and he pulled her back against his chest. "I thought you'd like it up here."

"Love. I love it up here." She peered back over her shoulder and John's eyes were focused on the vista beyond. There was a stillness in his body that was rare for him, but she recognized it, she could feel it within herself. It was an elusive sense of contentment and, like a cozy quilt on a winter day, she wanted to wrap it around her and indulge in its warmth while she could.

Her hand reached back and threaded up into his hair. "That's not all I love."

His eyes fell to hers and his mouth opened softly. His brows furrowed and she could see him struggling. Words came more easily to him when he was on the verge of sleep, but he'd never been able to say the express it well in the light of day. He didn't have to try so hard for her. It was nice to hear the words from time to time, but all she'd ever needed to know was within his eyes.

"Hey." She scratched lightly at his scalp. "I know."

They leaned into each other and their lips melded together. His kiss spoke of things left unsaid and she could feel his heart pounding when he pulled away. His left arm came across her body, resting just under her collar bone and he pulled her back more tightly against his chest. She was glad they weren't in a hurry to get anywhere. This kind of moment was meant to be lingered in. Her hands reached up and grasped his arm across her chest, she tucked her head down and pressed a kiss into his forearm.

There was still color in the trees, though shades of brown were beginning to dominate the acres around. The lake water level was low at this time of year, revealing rust colored rings in the banks around. She could already imagine the winter here, stark, but beautiful in its own right. When it snowed, it would be a picturesque winter wonderland.

"I'm glad you like it here. This place was always my favorite. My mother's too." He tucked down and rested the side of his face against hers. "Dave's always been a little more like my father. He's more comfortable in the city."

Five years ago, Elizabeth would have never imagined a life that didn't include delivery, shops, even theater within walking distance or at least a short taxi ride away. Now she couldn't imagine anything better than the acres around her now. She'd need to reach out to her real estate agent this week, not only to let him know her brownstone was completely vacant now, but also to have him pull some listings either in Maryland or here in Virginia. If she spent much more time here, she'd never want to leave. The memories from this long weekend alone were already tethering her heart to this estate. That being said, their time together wasn't up yet and they still had some memories to make.

"Let's go, tough guy. I'm ready to decorate that tree."

~TBC

A/N: Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed and are enjoying the holiday season! Special thanks to all who have left reviews, I love (!) seeing your comments.

I have the next chapter drafted, so it shouldn't be longer than a week before its ready. Sign up for story alerts if you'd like to know when it posts.


	12. Chapter 12

Elizabeth pulled a bottle of water from the fridge and rested back against the counter, twisting the cap off the bottle. The ATV ride back had been slow and fairly smooth considering she'd had the considerable distraction of John's body pressed against hers. A chill settled over her body as she sipped. She wasn't sure if it was from the absence of his warmth or her inability to forget he was leaving tomorrow. Every second they spent together would make that departure more difficult, but it was worth it. She hadn't felt this way since they'd first teetered past the edge of friendship back on Atlantis. It was an intoxicating sensation, experiencing the rush all over again.

On Atlantis, she'd never doubted they loved each other, but while they'd planned for the future, the present had been all consuming, making it difficult to imagine their life beyond the Pegasus Galaxy. There had been a tiny part of her that wondered if their relationship was bound by the intensity of their circumstances and if it would fall apart when they made it back to earth. If they made it through that initial transition, the one that would ultimately follow had worried her the most.

She'd teased him about his newly acquired gray hair, but she probably shouldn't have. It had taken her a while to figure out why he didn't like celebrating his birthday. She'd only connected it because of an offhand comment he'd made, but each year brought him closer to facing one of his deepest seeded fears, the inevitable moment when he'd lose flight combat certification. Flying had become such a deeply ingrained part of who he was, it would be a grueling loss and she wasn't sure any amount of mental bracing would prepare him for when that moment came.

Before this weekend, she'd struggled to imagine John being satisfied with any life that didn't include the adrenaline-inducing thrills of flying military aircraft. That transition would never come easy, but at least now she could see him staying on in the Air Force and redefining his role or investing himself in the foundation, though she still cringed to think what type hobbies he'd throw himself into as he tried to replace the adrenaline rush.

The back door thudded shut as John came inside. Her heart did a happy little flip flop at the sight of him dragging the tree into the home. She could feel her smile stretching wide as he pulled the tree through the dining room.

He paused at the door the family room and threw her a rakish grin. "What?"

She just shook her head and bit down to suppress her crazy smile. There were just no words that would do justice to the pure and simple joy of experiencing this kind of moment with him. His eyes softened and she thought maybe he understood. He gave her a little nod and continued dragging the tree into the family room.

In many ways, even the tiny amount of doubt she'd buried in Atlantis had made the past year easier. His departure tomorrow would be exponentially more difficult. Their time together the past few days had given her certainty. They would have made it. Could still make it, perhaps. Like Suzanne had reminded her, a year ago she never imagined she'd be here today with John. She couldn't predict where they would be a year from now.

The doorbell rang, jarring her out of her thoughts. John popped out of the family room, glancing at his watch.

"I didn't realize the time." His lips pressed together.

"You were expecting someone?" She felt a wave of disappointment. This was supposed to be their day and she felt no qualms whatsoever about selfishly wanting him all to herself.

His face scrunched uncomfortably. "I spoke to Dave when I took that walk back at your place. It's the family attorney, there are a few things I need to sign before I go."

He wasn't thrilled about it either, she could tell. She knew there were still a lot of moving parts with settling his father's estate, it was no wonder they'd pinned him down while he was in town. John headed towards the foyer to open the front door and she tried to figure out where they'd settle in to work so she could stay out of their way. Probably the dining room table or the library.

She sighed and set the water aside. Wine would be better now. It actually would be a good time to slip into the cellar to pick out a bottle. That was her only Christmas tree decorating tradition, a glass of red wine, plus it would pair nicely with the pasta. They'd done all the prep for the sauce before they'd gone for the tree. All they needed to do now was pull the stockpot out of the fridge and put it on to simmer.

John reappeared just as she pushed away from the counter. "We're heading up to the library. He has everything ready, I just have to sign. It shouldn't take more than twenty minutes."

"Twenty minutes, I'll hold you to that." She stepped towards him and ran her hand down his side. "I think I'll get a bottle of wine from the cellar while you're with him."

"Good idea." He seemed reluctant to leave her. "If you want to, take a look at the decorations we have stored here for the tree. Do you know how to get to the attic?"

"I think so. The stairs are at the end of that wing?" Elizabeth pointed past the dining room.

"Yeah. The boxes are marked, they shouldn't be too hard to find." His arms swept around her and he tugged her into his arms. "Don't drag anything down, though, I'll carry whatever you want. Errand boy, remember?"

He was so warm, she just wanted to latch on and not let go. He pressed a kiss to her head and released her.

The attorney had been waiting patiently in the hall. The man smiled and waved politely, before John turned and obstructed him from view. She'd never heard of a lawyer making house calls before, but then again, she hadn't meet many people like Patrick Sheppard either. Even though he was gone, the name still commanded a certain type of response. That would serve the foundation well.

Elizabeth reached back for her water and spotted several bottles of wine on the counter. She'd forgotten Dave brought up quite a few from the cellar yesterday. They were nicer vintages than she would have selected for herself, but it seemed fitting to have something special that night.

A few minutes later, she pushed opened the attic door and flipped on the light. The air had an oddly pleasant, if somewhat dusty scent. It was welcoming, reminding her somewhat of a used bookstore. She wasn't surprised to find it was nothing like the attic of her brownstone with its rickety stairs and questionable storage nestled among the panels of pink insulation.

In the lodge, not only were the stairs to the third story as nice as the ones in the main living areas, but the attic itself was a fully finished room with gleaming wooden floors and a charming portal window. She spotted a BB gun and smiled. She could almost picture John and Dave as children using it as a clubhouse of sorts. As a child, she would have probably hoarded warm blankets and thick books, it would have been a cozy little escape.

Her eyes panned the room and hovered in the back corner. It had never been a permanent residence, so she hadn't expected to find a lot of items stored there, but there were a surprising amount of boxes with John's name on them. Her eyes finished the sweep of the space and most of the boxes marked Christmas were stacked to her left. She stepped closer and opened the top box. It held mostly household decorative items. She moved a few more boxes before finding one filled with ornaments. It was one of the larger boxes, so she edged it sideways off the stack and settled it onto the floor.

The flooring creaked and she glanced back, surprised to see John. "That was fast, has it been twenty minutes?"

"Just about ten." He hesitated. "The attorney's waiting in the dining room, there's one thing we need your signature on."

"My signature?" He seemed nervous and it made her uneasy.

He caught her staring and his face relaxed. "Sorry, I'm just distracted. It was a lot to go over in a short time. Dave had him bring a power of attorney or something of that sort. It gives you the ability to take care of anything that comes up around here. I know he's already scheduled a landscaper to come out, he's worried about more trees falling."

Oh. That did make sense. "All right."

He moved beside her and his hand went to her lower back, rubbing gently. "Find what we need?"

She leaned into him and peered up towards his face. "I'm pretty sure I found more than what we need."

John looked down at the box. "I'll carry it down, we can sort through it in the family room."

"Nice BB gun." She pointed towards it.

John looked at it wistfully. "It would have been nicer if we'd been able to use it. Dave was a horrible shot. He took out a window the first day we had it and after that it disappeared for years."

She could picture the two of them with a BB gun running around this property. Better the window than the horses or an eye. She laughed softly. That would be a good movie to watch tonight.

"I'm pretty sure we have _A Christmas Story_. We can watch it while we decorate the tree."

She crossed her arms and pulled them close to her chest. The attic air was crisp. "I was just thinking about that movie."

"I kind of figured. You started rubbing your eye as soon as I mentioned Dave shooting out the window." John shrugged out of his fleece jacket and held it up for her. "Put it on, I know you're cold."

She swiveled into it with relief. She grasped the edges of the collar and pulled them together beneath her chin.

A wry smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "I'm not getting that back, am I?"

She tugged the jacket over her mouth, trying to hide her smile. It smelled like him and was still warm from his body heat. Of course, she'd want to keep it, but she wasn't the only one working from a limited wardrobe. She could hardly send him back to Atlantis without the majority of his street clothes.

He reached down and picked up the box. Oddly, it didn't seem quite as large within his arms. She turned off the light and shut the door before following him down the stairs and into the dining room.

John nodded towards the waiting attorney. "Elizabeth, this is Doug Abbott, our attorney."

The man extended his hand. "Pleasure to meet you, Ms. Weir. I only require a moment of your time." He seemed drastically out of place with his suit and tie.

She reached to shake his hand. "We're a little less formal around here. Just call me Elizabeth, please."

"Let me set this down, I'll be right back." John carried the box into the family room.

"So, what do you have for me?" Elizabeth eyed the thick manila folder.

"Didn't John explain?" Doug moved to the table and pulled out a chair for her.

"It's paperwork for the house, right?" She settled in and reached for the pen he slid across the table as he sat beside her.

"Exactly." He flipped open the folder and took out a sheath of documents.

He returned packets of paperwork to the folder a chunk at time. Elizabeth flinched as he put down a will and then a power of attorney for health care. Her eyes pressed shut and she looked away. Her chill deepened and she huddled into John's jacket. She knew updating those documents were unavoidable since his father had passed, but it only made her think of the risks he'd be returning to.

"Hey, you okay?" John pulled out the chair beside her and his hand rubbed down her back as he sat down.

Her eyes unwittingly darted to the documents and back. She could tell he'd tracked her eyes. He shot the attorney a scathing look that made the man shift uncomfortably. John nodded at the folder and Doug got the point and flipped it shut.

"It's two copies of the same document." Doug timidly stepped forward and placed the last documents down in front of Elizabeth. His eyes darted to John. "I'll leave an original of each of the documents you've signed today for you."

John reached out and held the paper in place while Doug pointed out where to sign. It was right under a line with John's signature. A phone started ringing and Doug fished his out of his pocket.

"Excuse me, I need to take this. I'll just step outside." He looked relived to escape John's continuing glare as he exited onto the deck, stepping just beside the picture window.

It was an interesting way of multitasking, but it worked. Doug could still take the call privately while staying in eye-shot so he could still witness her signature.

"You signed this?" Elizabeth looked over to John.

"I'm a legal owner, my signature grants you the ability to take care of things around her, just like we talked about."

Her eyes fell to the document before her. John's hand still covered the top of the document, but she could see the address of the house followed by paragraph upon paragraph of unintelligible legalese. Her eyes crossed as she concentrated on the verbiage and finally she leaned forward to sign.

She was just putting the cap back on the pen when Doug slipped back inside. John wordlessly handed him the forms.

Doug's eyes scrolled down the document and briskly signed off on them. "Perfect. I'll get my set of originals filed away."

"Don't forget to leave the duplicates, I need those copies." John said.

Doug quickly sorted out the paperwork and put John's copies back in the closed manila folder. He secured the others in his briefcase. He still seemed a bit nervous around John and he quickly gathered his things. "I can see myself out."

Elizabeth stood and followed him down the hall. She needed a moment away from John's eyes while she pushed thoughts of wills and health care directives from her mind. Plus, she'd never actually seen the front door open. She'd better make sure she knew how to get it locked back up since she'd be living here.

After waving him off, she wandered back into the family room. The tree was laid to the right of the fireplace and the box of ornaments was nearby on the floor. John stood beside the tree, eyeing her warily. She could tell from the slant in his eyes, he was worried about her and she hated that. The documents shouldn't have shaken her up like that, it had just caught her in an unguarded moment.

She drudged up a soft smile, which grew wider when she spotted a fine dusting of shaved wood in the side of his hair. She couldn't believe she hadn't noticed it earlier, though he could have just picked it up when he was working with the tree.

She stepped closer and his eyes pressed shut when she her fingers through his hair, freeing the tiny bits of wood. He sighed softly as she pulled her hands away.

"You had some wood shavings in your hair." She said quietly before stepping away and almost tumbling over the tree.

"Easy." John caught her by the waist and steadied her.

She shivered, this time not from the cold but from the look in his eyes. John pulled away and reached for the fireplace. He flipped it on and flames instantly roared to life. While she loved the smell of wood burning fires, but there was a lot to be said for the conveniences of a gas fireplace. Heat immediately started to warm the crisp air.

He turned back to her and ran his hand down her arm, pausing at her elbow. "Why don't you grab a glass of wine, I'll get the tree on the stand."

"I forgot to look for the tree stand." She frowned. She wasn't in a hurry to return to the chilly attic.

The corners of his lips twitched. "Don't worry, you can stay down here where it's warm. I brought it in earlier, it was in the garage."

That was good, because wine was a great idea. Her feet were protesting after a long day in boots and she paused for a minute to tug them off along with her socks. She'd always loved the warmth of the fire on her bare feet. The boots weren't the only thing she longed to shed and her eyes glanced to John, wondering if she'd waited an appropriate amount of time into the evening before it was acceptable to ditch the bra. He'd always teased her on Atlantis for discarding it the moment she'd retreated to their quarters.

Now that she'd thought about the bra, it was going to make her crazy to keep it on. He was preoccupied with the tree, she considered, and he wouldn't see her. Plus, with the jacket on over her top, he'd probably never notice. Like he'd care, she finally realized and laughed at herself for overthinking something as simple as a damn bra. Still, she headed into the kitchen and waited until he was out of sight before twisting the bra off from beneath her clothes. She finally pulled it free and turned to tuck it into her purse on the counter.

She froze, finding John standing in the doorway.

"Elizabeth." He raked his hands through his hair and peeled his eyes away. "It looked like you were dancing again."

Oh…damn. The way he breathed her name sent an acute wave of desire pulsing through her. Her hand darted to her chest and her thumb absentmindedly strummed against the top button of her shirt. Maybe she shouldn't stop with the bra.

His eyes darkened as he watched her, but instead of coming closer, he spun on his heel and headed back into the family room. A few days ago, she might have found his retreat comical, but now disappointment flooded her chest.

"Put the pasta sauce onto simmer." John called.

She smiled ruefully and mentally added that to the long list of things she'd never imagined hearing him say. So that's why he'd followed her into the kitchen. She tossed the bra carelessly towards her bag and washed her hands before retrieving the pot from the refrigerator. She was just setting the heat indicator on the stove top when he called out again.

"Simmer means-"

"I'm familiar with the concept, John." More than familiar, she was still reeling from the impact of his simmering eyes.

The electronic wine bottle opener was within reach and she used it to quickly open the cabernet. She quelled the urge to gulp a sip straight from the bottle, though it probably would have been therapeutic at that point. After collecting two glasses, she tucked the bottle of wine in her arm and wandered back into the family room.

He'd turned off the overhead light. The room was now gently illuminated by the fireplace and the clump of string lights in the floor beside the tree. The tree was upright and John sat on the floor, fiddling with the stand. The sight made her heart skip a beat.

"I love it." She whispered. If only he was still beneath it come Christmas morning.

John shot her the lopsided grin that never failed to make her smile in response. "Lights work."

They certainly had some untangling to do before those lights could be properly strung on the tree.

Elizabeth settled into the floor and placed the wine and glasses on a tray that rested on the brick hearth of the fireplace. John shifted around so they were facing each other. His hips brushed against her thigh and she shimmied closer, craving his nearness. He was between her and the fireplace and when he caught her longing glance, he poured a glass of wine and handed it to her. The gesture was thoughtful, but she hadn't been eyeing the wine.

The ambiance of the room at that moment was a powerful thing. The wine, the fire, this man at her side…It wasn't just a sense of Christmas coming early, it was like watching a heartfelt dream unfold around her.

"Warm enough yet?" His elbow rested on his propped up knee of one leg.

She nodded and slowly sipped the wine. Her bare feet were already getting hot. She swept her legs around to her side and away from the fire.

"I've got my things stored in the attic, the boxes are in the back corner. Help yourself if you need any long sleeved shirts or want any more t-shirts to sleep in." John reached past her unzipped jacket and tugged the hem of her flannel shirt. "You don't seem to have many clothes. You only have a few things in the closet here and most of what we brought back today was books."

Nothing escaped his eyes. She probably would dig through those boxes. His shirts would be large, but she could layer them over the items she did have. It was odd how the sum of both their lives were packed into a few boxes and they'd all found their way into this house.

"I donated most of my clothes, I probably didn't keep enough. Suzanne is going shopping with me this weekend."

"Suzanne?" John's eyes narrowed. "I've seen her work."

"Why don't you sound happy about that?" She reached out and squeezed his knee. "You seemed to like the outfit she loaned me yesterday."

Without breaking eye contact, he eased the glass of wine from her hand and set it to the side. "Maybe I should clarify that I'm a fan of skirts when your skin is solely for my viewing pleasure."

His voice was almost sinful when it rasped that deep.

She tilted her head towards him. "And what would you suggest I buy?"

He wrapped his arms around her, his hands settling on her lower back. "Bulky sweaters and looser blue jeans."

"I thought you liked my jeans."

It was hard to concentrate with his arms around her. Her heart started beating faster and her eyes fixed on the sensual curve of his lips. She leaned into his warmth, angling her mouth towards his, but he held his lips just out of reach.

"Oh, I like them. A lot." His palm slid around the curve of her hip and his fingers skirted onto her backside. "I like them better when this is solely for my viewing pleasure."

"Jealous of imaginary gawkers?" Her tone was teasing, but from the glint in his eye, she could tell his mood had turned more serious and his expression seemed more conflicted than thoughtful.

This was about more than just her clothes. The wardrobe conversation had tapped into his own tumultuous emotions. She wasn't the only one dreading tomorrow, but his distress was manifesting in an unexpectedly sultry manner and his piercing stare was starting to scramble her brain.

"Maybe not jealous, but definitely possessive." John cupped her chin and his thumb traced around her lower lip. "If you remember, there are some things I don't share."

His eyes were molten and her breathing ground to a halt. She did remember. His stamp of possession was impossible to forget, but a keen sense of anticipation flooded her veins all the same.

"John-"

His hands framed her face and he silenced her with a bone tingling kiss. When his lips broke from hers, he held her face firmly, resting his forehead on hers.

On Atlantis, they'd had to invest so much of themselves in the city and crew, most of their energy was dedicated to whatever the crisis of the day happened to be. They'd always had to fight to save enough of themselves to share with each other. She'd never realized how much it affected John until the end of the whirlwind weeks that had been bracketed by Woolsey's visit to Atlantis and the still blush inducing experience with Lucius Lavin.

He'd waited up for her that night. He'd had plenty of time to stew and she'd found him almost completely unhinged from having to watch her with Lucius. That had been the first time his lips had tortuously mapped her body, pausing in between each kiss and saying-

"Mine." His lips fell on hers, capturing them with a fiery kiss.

He pulled away too quickly and his lips worked their way beneath her jaw. Her eyes rolled back as his tongue trailed down to the curve of her collar bone. His teeth grazed her skin before he kissed the same spot and pulled away.

"Mine." His voice rumbled against her throat.

John's voice didn't carry the possessive tone she remembered from the last time his lips had taken this journey. This time, it achingly sounded like he was trying to convince himself. His hands scooped beneath her and he gently lifted her off the floor. He was pulling her into his arms as if to cradle her, but she angled around onto her knees until she straddled his lap.

She took his hand and rested his palm on her shirt just above her heart.

"Look at me." Her voice was throaty. "Do you feel that?"

She could feel that same heart beat echoing within her ears. John swallowed hard and nodded. The look in his eyes was potent.

"Yours." She whispered.

His eyes flared before pressing shut and he hung his head. She'd caught him off guard again. It was one thing to say she loved him, but it was another thing to wholly offer up her heart knowing their lives were at the threshold of diverging once again. Still, that didn't change the way she felt. Whether their paths were destined to intersect or run parallel going forward, he would always fill the space within her heart.

His arms wound around her pulling her down and against him. Her cheek pushed against his hair and she inhaled deeply, drawing in his familiar scent. He nuzzled her neck and gave her another tug, locking her body to his, ensuring not a single empty space remained between them. She just clung to him, wishing she could hold on for a lifetime.

"Mine." His husky voice resonated firmly this time.

This was no ordinary embrace; she knew he was struggling with more than his impending departure. While she was enjoying the high of finding him again, he was digging his way out of the trenches. He'd done a good job of pushing it down the past few days, but his demons had caught up to him. It had happened this way on Atlantis, when they'd first given into love. It had hurt her initially, that his experience wasn't the same toe curling surge she enjoyed, but she came to understand and loved him all the more for pushing himself through the scars.

Love didn't make him vulnerable, but his experiences had left love irrevocably linked to pain. She understood what it felt to lose someone you love, she'd lost her father, but John had lost more in his lifetime. His mother. The relationship with his father had always pained him and now Patrick was gone as well. He'd been unable to save people he loved, losing friends and teammates in battle. And he'd lost her to the Asurans.

Her heart jerked painfully as she belatedly realized what she had done. She hadn't just left Atlantis, she had left him after earning the trust of his heart. In hindsight, that had been unconscionable. Tears threatened her eyes and she fought to hold them back. She hadn't exactly been thinking rationally at the time, but she wished she would have pushed him when he'd withdrawn from her and fought for him, fought for them.

"I'm sorry, John." She pressed a kiss into hair. Present circumstances might keep her from his side, but- "I'll never walk away from you again."

She hoped that made sense. Her head was a jumbled swirl of racing thoughts and rambunctious emotions. Eloquence and articulation seemed like distant memories. Little sparks of pain started driving into her knees. She sat back against his thighs while she readjusted and wrapped her legs around his waist. He frowned at the inches of space she'd inadvertently put between them and he drew her back flush against his chest

"I shouldn't have let you." He reached up with one hand and his fingers tangled into her hair, drawing her eyes down to his. "And I won't let you walk away again."

Her mouth opened softly when she found his eyes as watery as her own. Hot tears slipped down her face. She swallowed deeply, wishing she could just will them away, but she knew the crush of emotions would overwhelm her if she kept them locked within.

"John."

Her voice choked. She'd wanted to say more, but words seemed beyond reach and that was probably just as well. There were none that could do justice to what she felt at that moment.

"Shhh." He gently brushed away her tears. "I know."

Words may have failed her, but every cell in her body suddenly clambered to demonstrate just how much she loved him. He held her tight against him, but too many layers of fabric stood between them. She felt a searing need to feel his skin against her own and she tugged futilely at his shirt.

He reached back and tugged off his shirt, discarding it in the floor beside them. His shifted his legs and she slid lower onto his lap. She arched into him, grasping his hair, and dragging him into a ragged kiss.

His fingers trailed down her neck and onto her chest. Tingles ricocheted down her spine as he flicked the button of her shirt, unfastening it with consummate skill. His mouth broke away as he shifted them back. She felt him reaching behind her, dragging her with him as he moved. Seconds later, he settled them upon the blanket he'd managed to spread in the floor. Another button came undone, then another. She felt like she was coming undone along with them. The world around her swirled as his lips rained down kisses with heart stopping tenderness in the wake of his fingers.

The last button unhooked and, in a flash, he pushed onto his knees, pulling her up along with him. He tugged off her jacket, trailing hot kisses along her neck, before peeling away her shirt. Her arms wound around his neck and she pulled herself into him, capturing his lips in a long liquid kiss. A rumble resonated deep in his throat as their bare skin came into contact.

Their lips pulled apart as he lowered her onto the floor. He braced himself on his palms above her. The muscles in his arm bulged enticingly under the press of his weight. She reached up and her fingers twined into the coarse hair that covered his chest. It was almost ridiculous how quickly heat flooded her veins at the sight of his lean and muscled body stretched over her own. The effect seemed amplified tonight with his strong frame illuminated by the warm firelight, but it was the raw emotion within his eyes that took her breath away.

"You are beautiful." His voice was deep and gravelly.

He sucked in his breath when her fingers lowered and grasped at the waistline of his jeans.

"And you are too far away." She tugged gently on his belt.

His body settled lower against her and he rested his weight on his elbows. She raised her eyes to his, finding them emanating with an unabashed passion that made her eyes pool again from the force of emotion that swept through her. She blinked rapidly and drew a deep breath, but a few errant tears slipped anyway. The tears had risen fresh from the maelstrom of too many emotions converging in her heart. She felt she needed to say something, to explain they weren't tears just borne of sadness, because it would kill her if he pulled away now.

"Elizabeth." He murmured her name.

Her eyes instinctively closed when he tucked his head, but instead of covering her mouth, his lips dusted against her eyelids and he kissed away her tears. It was a stunningly heartfelt gesture and it made her heart ache. He'd never before lavished so much love within each touch and each brush of his lips.

She felt his breath falling hot against her skin as he shifted lower. His palms slid down her sides and he pressed a kiss just above her heart.

"Everlong." His voice rumbled against her skin.

Never had the words of the song rang more true than they did tonight, nor had its core question ever rattled her soul so deeply. He seemed intent on making it difficult for anything to ever feel this good again, but she had no doubt it would feel this real forever. His mouth continued down her body and all thoughts of the world beyond their arms fell away.

~TBC

A/N: This story had been building towards a poignant coming back together and I tried to craft it carefully to give the moment the care it deserved. Hopefully I didn't overindulge (I'm thinking gratuitous cheese), but I am incapable of less than all out bliss this time of year. So forgive me if I teetered over the edge…and leave me reviews. I will seriously get a complex after this chapter if I don't see any feedback, plus, who doesn't love presents for Christmas and reviews are cheap, I mean priceless, hahaha. ;)

Happy Holidays to all! I'm off to create and indulge in my own cheesy bliss, but I'll see you in the New Year.


	13. Chapter 13

Hours later…

Elizabeth perched at the foot of the bed with her feet resting on the upholstered bench below. She was just wearing her thin silky robe, but the air in the bedroom was cozy from the fire. After years on Atlantis and then months in the Middle East, it seemed an extravagance to have a fireplace in the bedroom, but it was a luxury she was grateful for that night. She'd been reluctant to leave the magical ambiance of the family room, especially once they'd managed to get the Christmas tree in order, but John had made a good case for the merits of a shower. Well, the shower and the promise of the remainder of their night in bed with only the fire to light the room.

John exited the bathroom and walked towards her. His wet hair jutted wildly about and his damp skin glistened against the light of the fire. He wore only his blue jeans and, without the help of a belt, they were slung indecently low on his hips. Oh…damn. Her heart rate spiked. She had a feeling that mental image of John would haunt her memory in the lonely nights that would follow. She wrenched her eyes away and tucked the damp strands of her curls behind her ears before picking up her bottle of lotion.

His footsteps stalled at the foot of the bench and his eyes tracked the movements of her hands as they moved up her leg applying the lotion.

While she enjoyed his lusty appreciation, it caught her a little by surprise. "You've seen a lot more of my skin than this tonight."

"Yeah, but that was my hands on your skin. Your hands …"

His words trailed away and she laughed throatily. It wasn't hard to imagine where his thoughts had led him. He raked his hands through his hair before clasping them behind his head. He paused in that poster worthy stance, sending her heart skidding against her ribs.

So. Not. Fair. How was it possible he was leaving tomorrow? Her heart was overflowing and, as much as she'd loved him before, the strength of her emotion almost terrified her now. She set the lotion aside and instinctively reached for him. She could rationalize his leaving in a hundred different ways, and while logic told her she would be fine, the imprint of this kind of love would leave its mark. Her body already ached at the thought of not being able to touch him, hold him.

Her fingers trailed down to the muscled planes of his stomach before circling out to grasp his hips. Logic and rationality evaporated as her eyes tracked the lines of his muscles as they tapered into a v shape before disappearing beneath his jeans.

He cursed softly under his breath and he reached to cup her chin. "Elizabeth, I can't function when you look at me like that."

That seemed only fair. She wasn't going to be able to function for days until the muscle memory started to subside, if the muscle memory subsided. When she had returned to Earth, it had taken her months for her to stop reaching for him as she slept.

Before she could escape her own thoughts to respond, he leaned over and captured her lips in a slow steamy kiss. She whimpered softly when backed away from her lips and out of hands reach.

"It took us three hours to decorate the tree and eat dinner because you keep looking at me like that."

She huffed in defeat. "That's not all we did in those three hours."

She reached for the bottle of lotion and squeezed another dollop in her hand. He fixed her with a simmering gaze before he peeled his eyes from hers and turned away. Turning away may have been helpful for him, but she could hardly complain about her view now. Her eyes swept over the strong lines of his shoulders before trailing his sinewy muscles down to his lower back. She'd been right to boycott fire the days before, the flames cast a warm and sinful light against his skin and he suddenly seemed much too far away.

He picked his phone up from the dresser and frowned. She felt a surge of frustration both at the space between them and at the thought of other things intruding on what remained of their time.

She nodded at the phone. "You don't have any more surprise visitors coming tonight, do you?"

"Dave was supposed to have called by now." He tucked the phone in his pocket and glanced back over his shoulder. "And no, I think I have my hands full already."

She smiled at that. He'd always been her handful to deal with, it was good to know she could dish a bit of that back in return. "And the jeans?"

"We weren't really paying attention when we came upstairs, I need to check the locks." He turned back and held his hand out towards her. "What's your excuse?"

"You handed me the robe." She started working the lotion into her other leg.

"Did I? I'll fix that when I get back." His brows popped and he disappeared into the hallway.

Every time she had watched him step through a doorway that night, her smile faded and her thoughts circled back to his imminent departure. It was a good thing her monthly call with the IOA was still a week away, because if they spoke today, she'd jump at their offer to return and for all the wrong reasons. They'd offered her a blank check, she could return in any capacity she desired, but she knew they really wanted her back in command. Woolsey was holding his own, but he treaded the IOA party line too carefully. While they would never say the words aloud, she knew they really wanted someone who would break away and make the tough calls they'd been unwilling to do.

Tough calls. The thought spurred unwanted images to her mind. Some of those tough calls had scarred others on the outside. She carried hers within. A lump grew within her throat as unwelcome memories intruded on her thoughts. She scooched back farther on the bed and reached out to the nightstand for her bottle of water. After drawing a long sip of water, she returned the bottle to the nightstand and picked back up the lotion. Footsteps resonated as John stepped back into the room.

"That was fast." She glanced over at him.

"I had good reason to hurry." He sat down a metal lock box on the dresser. "This is for you. House paperwork and stuff."

She reached inside her robe to rub lotion onto her shoulder. What stuff, she wondered, but before she could ask he'd stepped to the side of the bed and tugged the bottle of lotion from her hand.

"Give me that." The bed dipped as he climbed onto the bed and settled in behind her. His legs stretched around either side of her own and he pulled her back closer to his chest.

He swept her damp hair to the side and peeled the robe down over her shoulders. The knots of tension dissolved as his fingers worked the lotion into her skin.

"Your muscles don't seem as tense as I remember."

His lips brushed behind her ear and her eyes pressed shut.

"Life after Atlantis." Elizabeth was falling into a trance. Waves of pleasure rolled out in the wake of his fingertips. "Maybe I should be giving you a back massage."

"Life after Atlantis? That sounds …final." John's voice seemed guarded. "You said you weren't ready. Is that the only reason you haven't come back?"

That wasn't playing fair, starting this conversation when she was a boneless pool of mush, though she probably deserved it. He'd tried to talk to her a few times earlier and she'd managed to distract his thoughts away from Atlantis. His fingers lingered over a pocket of tension and she sighed happily.

"Elizabeth?"

She sighed again, not so happily this time. She'd never utter the words PTSD to him and that made everything a bit more challenging to explain. She may have been having nightmares and experiencing panic attacks, but it was more than fear holding her back. There was something else, something more than what had happened to her and she hadn't been able to figure it out so she could get past it.

John's fingers froze as their silence lingered. She peered over her shoulder. There was an intensity to his eyes that made her shiver in response. He reached out and pulled her robe back up around her shoulders.

"I'm not cold. And I'm not broken." Elizabeth turned her eyes back to the fire. "But I am human and recovery takes time. I'm not ready."

She wasn't complaining. The past year hadn't been easy, but it had been a gift, as was her life.

"Part of that recovery is facing your fears. At some point, you need to go back."

It seemed everyone had become an expert on her life in the past year. Atlantis was a universe away and she was still having panic attacks. An anger and frustration she hadn't even been aware she harbored boiled to the surface.

"Go back and do what? Be near you when I'm not allowed to be with you? To send you off each day not knowing when or if you'll return?"

"That's not fair."

"No. It isn't." She scooted away from him. "Neither is asking me to pretend I'm leading an expedition of exploration and discovery, when the only thing that matters at this point is containment."

"We are responsible for waking-"

"Not we. Me. I'm responsible." She'd led them all through the gate. Their very presence had triggered the chain of events that had buried their original hopes for the expedition. "Everything that happened over the years, it can all traced back to a decision I made or an order I gave."

So many lives had been lost, many of whom she'd personally recruited.

The words that had tumbled out were a revelation to her as much as they may have been to him. How could she have shouldered that responsibility, carried that kind of guilt without being aware? Denial was a powerful thing and it had probably been all too easy to bury those emotions beneath the pain and confusion that had consumed her since those last months on Atlantis.

Denial or not, it didn't change the facts. She had led them through the gate and she'd left them there, left them all to finish what they'd inadvertently started.

A familiar chill snaked through her body and her head started to throb. She blinked trying to keep the room in focus. She started trembling, making it seem that the room was shaking around her.

John was angry now, she could tell from his tone, but she wasn't making out his words. Her heart hammered, echoing painfully within her ears. She covered her ears trying to block out any other sound. John reached for her when she scooted off the bed. He managed to grab one of her arms, pulling her hand away from her ear.

"Elizabeth."

His phone started to ring. John released her and dug into his jeans pocket to pull out his phone.

"Damn it. I have to take this."

"I'll be right back." She whispered.

She fled the room and retreated into the library. The room was shrouded in blissful darkness and she felt her way into the corner behind the door. She dropped to the floor, burrowing her back against the corner and drawing her knees into her chest. Her head fell into her hands and she tried to focus on her breathing, but all she could see were images of Wraith, Genii, and Asurans. All the bad that had come from every decision that had gone sideways over the years. Flashes of John when he'd been tortured by the Wraith repeated over and over in her mind. A cold sweat ruptured on her skin and her body shook from the cold and from the steely fear that had invaded her body.

She drew in a long deep breath and then another. She clawed to remember the wins, the good things that had happened in the Pegasus Galaxy, but those memories eluded her now. Her thumbs rubbed against her temples and she wished she could brush away the pain just as easily. Footsteps entered the room and she held her breath.

"Elizabeth?"

She heard him move back into the hall and she let out the deep breath she'd been holding. His footsteps instantly doubled back. Light flooded the room and John pulled the door away, exposing her little hidden alcove.

He dropped to the floor beside her and tried to pull her into his arms. She pushed his hands away. Her eyes pressed shut and she huddled closer against the wall.

"Just give me a minute. Please."

He put a palm against her clammy forehead and took her wrist, feeling for her pulse.

"I'm not going anywhere. You're shaking, your heart is racing and you sound like you can't catch your breath. Why the hell didn't you tell me you've been having panic attacks?"

"Not helping." She breathed. She dropped her head against her knees and laced her hands behind her neck.

"Shit. I'm sorry." He reached for her again. His growl of frustration filled the air when her body tensed and she pulled away. "Elizabeth. Let me."

His forceful tone quelled any protest she may have tried. She didn't resist when his arms scooped her up and he pulled her onto his lap. She stayed curled in a ball, but she leaned into his warmth. She rested her head against his chest when his arms tightened around her.

"It's almost over. I just need a minute." She could barely hear her own words.

"I don't care how long it takes." His hands ran down her legs. They were covered in goosebumps from her chill. "I'm taking you back to the bedroom. You're freezing."

He grunted as he hoisted them off the ground. She stretched her arms around his neck, trying to anchor herself to him as he teetered backwards a few steps before they started moving forward. John muttered something about getting too old for this and the corners of her lips twitched ever so slightly in response. The attack was ebbing and she felt the tension in her muscles slowly start to relax.

Her goosebumps started to subside the moment he stepped back inside the bedroom. John toed the door shut, trapping in the warm air. He quickly crossed the room and he sat heavily onto the bed. He edged back against the pillows and kept her cradled against his chest. She pulled her arms back into her chest and focused on the soothing rhythm of his heartbeat. The velvety material of the throw blanket gently caressed her legs as John tugged it up and around her waist.

He kissed the top of her head. "We should have dried your hair. No wonder you were freezing."

"Feels better in here." He was a wall of heat, warming her more than the blanket or toasty air of the fire.

Normally, she felt exhausted in the aftermath of a panic attack, but tonight she was settling into a quiet alertness. Logically, she knew it wasn't only unhealthy to harbor the kind of guilt she'd uncovered tonight, she also knew it was unrealistic. If it hadn't been her, someone else would have led the expedition through the gate and, inevitably, circumstances would have unfolded in a similar manner. Emotions weren't always rational, though, and fear had a unique way of skewing perspective.

John rubbed his hands down her back and down her arms. She'd never seen him quite this patient, especially considering the panic attack had fell on the cusp of a growing argument, one he wasn't likely to let go. She didn't want to argue with him tonight.

She uncurled enough to let her feet fall off his lap. "Maybe it's not my fault. It feels that way though."

"What?" His hands stopped moving

"Everything that happened out there. Atlantis. Pegasus." She might be recovering from the panic attack, but words were not flowing easily yet. There was a lot in her head she needed to sort out and it was going to take longer than a night to do it. She had a feeling the coming appointment with the psychologist was going to run long.

His arms tightened around her. "I'm the one who found and activated the damn necklace."

"It all would have happened anyway." As much as she wanted to believe that, an ache coiled in her gut all the same.

"We'd have screwed more up if you hadn't been there. You know that, right?"

She didn't have an answer for that.

"And don't forget, we didn't actually start any of this. The Ancients created that nightmare a long time ago. The Wraith, The Asurans, their fault." There was a hard edge to his voice now.

John's disdain for the Ancients hadn't always been so vehement. A lot had happened in that third year that made it easy to be angry with them. Advanced as they were, they'd were still human and they had made mistakes.

"If we find a way to finish this…"

His voice trailed off, but he didn't need to finish. She knew.

"It will have been worth it." She managed the words. For the first time in a year, she felt an urge to return to Atlantis that had nothing to do with John.

John didn't say anything else, he just continued to hold her tight. It took a few more minutes until her trembling completely subsided. When her muscles stilled, he shifted onto his side, laying somewhat diagonally cross the bed. She ended up with her back against the pillow and her legs draped over his hips.

He nudged at her chin, drawing her eyes to his. "Better?"

She nodded slowly in response.

His gaze was steady. "Tell me about the panic attacks."

She dropped her eyes and reached out, trailing her fingers over his chest. "I'm human. Healing."

She kept saying the world human and she realized it made it sound like she was convincing herself, but it was more like celebrating herself. She couldn't embrace the good parts of being flesh and blood without accepting the challenges that accompanied that.

"I get that. I don't get why you crawled into the corner like a wounded animal to hide from me."

That was an apt description of how she felt in the throw of an attack. And he had a point. Telling him would have been better. She knew finding her like that had hurt him.

She cast her eyes back to him. "I knew it would upset you."

"It upset me because I care, and since when are you afraid of getting me a little riled up?"

She almost managed a real smile at that. "I just didn't want to hurt you. And you're one to talk. You've never exactly been great about sharing when something's bothering you."

"I've never made a secret of that either. Maybe I'd rather go for a run than try to talk, but I guarantee you always know when I'm pissed off or upset before I go."

He wasn't wrong in that.

"I don't get them very often anymore." She had a feeling after tonight the numbers would continue to dwindle. "It's really not that big of a deal."

"How the hell is PTSD not a big deal?" He looked immediately remorseful that he'd snapped. "Sorry."

Her heart skipped a beat, though she shouldn't have been surprised he'd figured it out, especially after letting it slip that she was still seeing the psychologist. She could see the conviction in his eyes, denying the truth would only make it worse.

"It's manageable now without medicine. That wasn't always the case." And that was all she could manage to say.

"I should have been there for you."

She would have loved to have had him by her side, but she'd come to understand the past year had been a road she was meant to travel alone. She'd never have known how strong she could be if she'd leaned on his strength.

Her hand came up to his chin and she leaned in, needing to feel the warmth of his lips. His kiss was brief, almost hesitant. She felt another swell of frustration flow through her chest, she wasn't going to let this to interfere with the time they had left.

"Not broken." If words were ineffective, there were other ways to prove just how whole she was. She stretched her arms around his neck and tugged his lips back down to her own. He was still holding back and he pulled away too quickly.

"You haven't asked me to stay."

Maybe it was his ragged tone, but his words tore at her heart.

"I would never let you stay, much less ask." She traced a finger over his heart. "It doesn't mean I love you any less."

It meant she loved him more and, as his eyes softened, she knew he recognized that.

His fingers ran through her damp hair. "I don't know when I'll be back home."

She paused at that. "You always called Atlantis home before."

His eyes held hers carefully. "Home is wherever you are."

This from the man who could barely say I love you in the light of day. She never saw it coming with him. One minute, she'd almost convinced herself she would survive him leaving and the next, he'd leveled her heart with what may have been the most loving words that had ever been uttered to her. Suddenly, she understood why she'd given away all her furniture and why she was selling her brownstone. The moment she'd fallen for John, the concept of home had been redefined. She'd never have a true sense of home again without him.

Her fingers threaded into his hair and she closed the gap between their mouths. This time he didn't hesitate, his tongue skimmed against her lips until her mouth parted. He pressed deeper, their kiss never stopping as she kicked her legs free of the blanket and rolled onto her side. His hand swept down her back and her grasped her hips, pulling her closer.

~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~ v ~

Elizabeth's leg hooked around his hip. Her heel dug into the back of his thigh and he moaned into their kiss and their lower bodies came flush together. Too many clothes. Their kiss grew ragged, sloppy even, from his distraction as his focus turned to the barriers between them. His hands worked to bunch the material of her robe, drawing the silky fabric up towards her waist. He reached to unbutton his jeans and Elizabeth's body suddenly froze. He jerked back, afraid he'd hurt her somehow. Her green eyes were wide and she pushed her palms against his chest while she quickly sat up.

"What-"

"Quiet." She hissed.

He heard the noise now, but he didn't know what the hell it was. It sounded like something was hammering the deck out back. She darted out of bed and he followed right behind her. She opened the doors to the balcony and stepped outside, flinching from the cold air.

"Romeo." She had the same tone in her voice he'd heard her use with McKay, a ragged mix of indulgent exasperation.

He tracked her eyes and damned if that horse wasn't nose to nose with the back door. He'd thought Dave had been joking about that.

"I'll get him." He stepped inside and started looking for clothes.

"Are you sure? Women are usually able to handle him better. He's not fond of Dave."

John smiled at that. "Animals in general are not fond of Dave. Bunny was the only dog he ever had and she abandoned him for our mother. I'll be fine, animals like me."

Where was his shirt? He had a jacket around somewhere too.

"I left the jacket downstairs. Your shirt is probably still there too." Elizabeth shut the doors to the balcony and rubbed her arms. "Are you sure you don't want me to help? He won't have on a bridle."

Her feet pattered gracefully across the floor and she flashed her eyes up to his in a way that made his gut clench.

"I want you to dry your hair and stay warm." He'd been around horses enough to have a few tricks up his sleeve that should move things along. "Better yet, dry your hair and get back in bed. I won't be long."

"Take your phone." She tossed it from the nightstand. "Just in case. He can be a little stubborn."

Great. A stubborn horse, just what they needed tonight. He tucked the phone in his pocket and hitched his jeans higher on his waist. He needed to find his belt, too. A wave of frustration rolled through his chest. He'd had every intention of subtracting clothing at this point of the night, not adding an arsenal of it back to his body.

Elizabeth crossed into the bathroom and he bolted for the stairs. The family room no longer looked like a tornado had hit it, they had straightened up a bit. He tugged on his socks and shoes before reaching for the shirt. The jacket was still next to the fireplace, the only thing he couldn't find was his belt. He could deal with that as long as he could find the what he needed in the kitchen.

A minute later he eased out the back door with a bag of apples and carrots. John was a little pissed at the horses timing, but he couldn't help but laugh at the sight of the horse on the back deck. Romeo, however, did not seem amused and he stomped his foot impatiently.

"Sorry, buddy. I tried to hurry." John held out a carrot and the horse immediately reached out and nibbled it out of his hand. "What are you doing up here, anyway? I hear you are something of an escape artist."

John pulled an apple out of the bag and started walking. Romeo immediately fell into step beside him, his mouth reaching out and missing the apple a few times before John paused to let the horse have his snack.

He heard familiar laughter drift down from the house and he felt his smile stretch wider across his face. He could get used to the sound of that. He'd never heard enough of Elizabeth's laughter back on Atlantis.

"I can hear you." The moon cast a soft light and he was just able to make her out on the balcony. "You're supposed to be inside where it's warm."

He could still hear her laughter as she disappeared back inside. Romeo nosed at his side and John pulled out another carrot. They slowly made their way across the yard to the fence of the barn in that same start, stop, snack fashion.

The gate was open. He made a mental note to text Dave, they needed to get someone to horse-proof the gate and the barn a bit more securely. Romeo followed him inside and John latched the gate behind them. He reached in the bag for more carrots, but Romeo was already moving deeper into the barn. The horse bypassed the open stall, which John assumed it was his, and trotted over to the stall in the far corner. John held up the carrots, but Romeo refused to budge and stomped his foot. There was a sound coming from the back corner, it sounded like labored breathing. Was one of the other horses' sick? John moved beside Romeo and saw a very pregnant mare lying down and panting in the stall before him.

"Oh, crap."

Romeo stomped his foot and nodded, as if in agreement.

John pulled out his phone and dialed. "Elizabeth. I'm going to need your help after all."

She started laughing as he filled her in. "It's okay, John. That would be Buttercup. We've been keeping an eye on her. I'll call Joe now."

The phone went dead in his hand. John turned to Romeo. "Who the hell is Joe?"

"That would be me." A feminine voice called from behind. She stepped into the light just as her phone started to ring. She was short, but had a powerful stride, and she had long silvery hair that seemed out of odds with her age. John would probably peg her for late forties. She pulled a phone up to her ear.

"Hi, Elizabeth. I just arrived. John? Think I just met him." Joe gave John a little wave as she strode past him. She paused just beside Romeo. "Okay, see you in a few."

"Romeo, go to bed." Joe smacked the horse's rump and he obediently trotted back into his stall. She quickly moved behind Romeo to secure the door.

She turned back to him. "Dave lets me board my horses here in return for taking care of yours. Romeo is quite the character."

"So I'm learning." John nodded back towards the mare. "How'd you know to come tonight?"

"We set up video feed last week so we can check on her from time to time throughout the night. I would have been here sooner, but I had a flat on the way. Anyway, Blaze was out a few days ago and he said it would happen anytime."

She seemed awfully calm and somehow it made him feel more uncomfortable. "Is there something I can do?"

"Have you ever seen a foal born?"

He shook his head.

"Then I doubt it, but you're welcome to stay and watch. It's something pretty cool to experience. Blaze will be out soon to help." She eased open the door to Buttercups stall and went inside.

Blaze, again. Great. This guy was everywhere.

Elizabeth jogged into the barn. It looked like she'd managed to find all her clothes from earlier in the day and she'd wrapped a scarf around her neck. If only she'd bothered to dry her damn hair. Just realizing she'd been going through PTSD was enough to make him crazy. The thought of her not taking care of herself on top of that was just about the final straw. How was he supposed to leave her?

"Hey. I saw Joe's truck outside." She trotted to a stop before him. "How's she doing?"

Her cheeks were flushed and her eyes were sparkling with excitement. Yeah. They probably weren't going back to bed anytime soon, but that was okay, as long as her eyes stayed this full of light.

"You're asking the wrong person." John tried not to roll his eyes as Blaze stepped into the barn. "Ask your friend."

She glanced back and waved at Blaze. He was in a cowboy getup similar to what John had seen him in days before. Elizabeth turned back to John and fixed him with a look he was more than familiar with.

He threw up his hands in defeat. "I'll behave." He'd try, anyway. Maybe.

"Hey, how's our girl?" Blaze stepped beside them and peered into the stall.

"She's doing good. Her water broke." Joe was crouched down on the ground beside Buttercup.

"Hi, I'm Blaze Walker." Blaze had turned to John and stretched out his hand.

John's arm felt leaden. Suzanne's words were piercing his mind and he really, really, didn't want to shake this man's hand.

Blaze seemed completely unfazed. "Might want to shake it now, you won't want to touch it later."

He felt the corners of his lips twitch at that and he reluctantly and quickly shook his hand. "John Sheppard."

"John? It's good to finally meet you."

John didn't miss the look that passed between Blaze and Elizabeth and he only gave a curt nod in response. He wasn't exactly proud of his behavior, but he couldn't forget the morning he'd seen Blaze with Elizabeth, either.

Blaze looked at Elizabeth again. "Is your hair wet? You're going to freeze out here."

John gritted his teeth.

Elizabeth shot him another look of warning. "Yes, I ignored some good advice and didn't dry my hair."

Blaze pulled a winter cap from his back pocket. "Do you want my hat?" He glanced at John as if asking his permission.

John shrugged. Elizabeth accepted the hat and pulled it onto her head. He never would have pictured Elizabeth like this. Flannel shirt, blue jeans, and boots. Topped with the winter cap and scarf, she looked adorable. More than that, she looked happy and, despite his hang ups, he knew she was healthy. It was going to be difficult to stay pissed around Blaze with her looking like that, but he always did like a challenge.

"You guy's should stick around. Now the water's broken, it shouldn't take more than thirty minutes." Blaze stepped inside the stall and crouched in the floor beside Joe.

Elizabeth edged closer to the side of the stall. She put her hands up on the side ledge and peered inside. He stepped directly behind her and pulled her back against his chest.

He tucked his head down closer to her ear. "You ever seen this before?"

"No. I only took riding lessons when I was younger, I never had a horse of my own." She peeked over her should at him. "You?"

"Nah. The horses were always more like pets. We never raced them or had them bred."

"We got feet!" Joe cried.

Damn, they weren't kidding when they said it was going to move fast. Elizabeth was wiggling around trying to get a better view and her ass was rubbing against his crotch. It was a good thing he had a bird's eye view of a big bubble of goo that was hanging out of the mare along with the foal's feet, but even that wasn't enough to fully distract him from her movement.

"Elizabeth, can you be still?" He tried to clamp on to her hips to hold her in place. One hand managed to catch a hip, but as she moved, his other palm landed against her stomach. His eyes flashed from the horse back to Elizabeth and his heart stilled. It felt like all the air had been sucked from his lungs.

He hadn't even thought about it earlier. Birth control wasn't something that had concerned them for years.

The pregnancy scare on Atlantis had been an eye opener for them both. He still wasn't sure what had shocked Elizabeth more, finding out he wanted their child or the realization that she did as well. She'd stopped taking birth control after that, but they never needed another pregnancy test. Carson still wanted Elizabeth to consult a specialist he knew back on Earth, but he'd said most likely they would be fine. He'd rattled off some statistics about it taking up to a year to get pregnant after stopping birth control pills. That had been a year and a half ago, two years even, which meant…it was possible.

A bone tingling surge of hope swept through him. His hand gently rubbed against her stomach and her body froze. She glanced over her shoulder towards him and he saw a flash of fear in her eyes. She knew exactly what he was thinking.

"Did you ever go see that specialist?" Blaze and Joe were obviously distracted, but he kept his voice low anyway.

She shook her head and her eyes stretched wide. "No."

He could barely hear her voice.

"We haven't exactly been careful tonight." As in not at all. It had never even occurred to him and, at that moment, he felt like the world's biggest ass. How could he be that irresponsible with her, especially knowing he was leaving tomorrow?

"I'm sorry, I didn't think..." Her voice trailed off.

"No, I'm sorry." He reached down and cradled the side of her face. "I should have realized."

He was fairly certain she hadn't heard him speak, her eyes were darting wildly around, looking everywhere but at him. He could see it in her face, she was freaking the hell out and she had every right to be. He was leaving and they had been careless more than once…She could be-

"The heads out." Blaze's voice rang out. Romeo whinnied in response, as if he understood, and some of the other horses in adjacent stalls chimed in along with him.

Elizabeth turned back to Buttercup's stall and his hand fell from her face back to her hip. They were silent for a moment, watching Joe and Blaze work with the mare. Slowly Elizabeth rested her more of her weight back against John's chest. Her hand landed on his and she laced her fingers through his own.

So what if they weren't exactly having their relationship in the socially accepted mandated order. They'd never really dated, but they'd lived together. They might be embarking on the ultimate of long distant relationships, but there wasn't a lot he could do about that now. If the past few years had taught him anything, there was never a right time for anything. They just had to take what they could, as they could grasp hold of it. If this was what was within reach now, so be it. They'd figure it out. They always did.

"You know what, I'm not sorry." His head tucked back against her neck and his hand rubbed slow circles on her stomach. "I want this and I know you do, too."

She was trembling. He drew her around so they were facing each other. Her eyes were watery, but it wasn't fear he saw in her eyes now. It was hope.

"But, I'll be here and you'll be-"

" _If_ you get pregnant, we'll have nine months to figure it out. We have some figuring out to do either way, I'm not staying away from you indefinitely."

"We could do this." She breathed, still seeming incredulous. She slowly shook her head in agreement. "We could do this." Her voice held more conviction this time.

His hands framed her face and he leaned down to kiss her. His lips had barely brushed hers when Joe's voice broke the silence.

"The neck is out. You two need to stop putting on a show back there and watch the one going on in here. It's about to get real."

John laughed as Elizabeth blushed. He nudged her attention to the mare. "I'm not sure how much more real it can get or how more gross."

She elbowed him and turned back to the stall. He moved behind her, firmly holding her hips still this time. It may be a little gross, but it was still one of the coolest things he'd ever seen.

Little by little, more of the foal appeared. The next few minutes flew by.

"Is the mare supposed to be that still? And the foal kind of seems stuck now." He thought he'd whispered, but Blaze turned back.

"She's doing great. They are usually pretty still and quiet if everything is going okay." Blaze looked back to Buttercup. "The hips usually take the longest to pass, once they are through, it'll be over in a minute."

"And everything is going okay?" Elizabeth asked.

"It's going great." Joe was beaming.

He'd take their word for that. He was more interested in the woman in his arms. She peered over her shoulder at him. Her eyes were clear and she was happy, radiant even, and he warmed under the weight of her stare. She reached up and her fingers snaked through his hair before pulling him into a kiss.

"There he is." Joe's voice was a loud whisper.

Their heads snapped back to the stall and, sure enough, the foal was on the ground beside Buttercup. It started moving around almost immediately. Small movements at first, but soon its whole body was moving. They watched for a few minutes while the tiny foal shuffled around.

"He looks like he's trying to stand." Elizabeth's voice broke the silence.

"He is." Blaze was keeping keen eye on the little foal. "And he will soon. He's a strong one."

It was hard to believe something born less than ten minutes was already trying to clamber to its feet and, just like that, it had found footing. It was far from solid, he wobbled and fell, instantly starting all over again.

"You got a name for him?" John asked.

"Not yet." Joe stood up and stretched her limbs.

"You should name him Max."

"Max?" She stepped closer to where he and Elizabeth stood.

"Yeah. You know, Miracle Max?"

He suddenly felt uncomfortable as all eyes turned towards him.

"It's from _The Princess Bride_? Isn't that what Buttercup is named for?"

Elizabeth's rich laughter range out, while Blaze and Joe just seemed bewildered.

"I have no idea." Joe turned back to Buttercup. "That was her name when I bought her."

"Oh. Well. Something to think about." He shrugged at Elizabeth and nodded her attention back to the foal. It was taking little wobbly steps now.

"That is amazing." She breathed.

"You're amazing." He pressed a kiss against her neck.

They stood watching for a few more minutes. John forgot to keep a grip on Elizabeth's hips and she swayed gently before him. His hand found its way back to her stomach. His hand slid into a gap between the buttons of her shirt and his fingers brushed against the skin of her belly.

"Do you need anything? We're going to head back to the house." Elizabeth called.

Joe was smiling at the foal and didn't even turn back to them. "We're all fine here."

Blaze waved them off. "I'll be back in the morning to check on them. See you then." He turned back and started digging through his medical kit.

John immediately frowned. Of course Blaze would be back in the morning.

Elizabeth turned and rolled her eyes as her arms wrapped around his waist. Her hands slipped into the back pockets of his jeans and gently squeezed his ass as she pulled herself against him. Shit. His body immediately responded to her touch. The edge of the stall was high, he knew Blaze and Joe couldn't see anything but their heads, but still…she realized they were in public, right?

Her hips rolled against his and he bit down on his lip, holding back a tortured groan. She stretched up and kissed him, flicking her tongue against his lips. As soon as his mouth parted, she pulled away and this time he couldn't stop the hiss of frustration. She started walking backwards and she curled her finger up in the follow me motion and damned it wasn't the sexist thing he'd ever seen her do with her clothes on.

"Come on." Her voice was low and husky. "Let's go be irresponsible."

He raked his hands back through his hair and stared dumbly at her as she turned and headed for the house.

"Hey, flyboy."

John's head cocked to the side.

Joe was leaning on the edge of the stall and her eyes were filled with laughter. "Yeah, I know what you do for a living. You'd better tap into that need for speed and get a move on. She's leaving without you."

Right. He nodded in thanks and started jogging after Elizabeth. He might be more than happy to indulge in irresponsibility tonight, but he hoped she knew he'd be anything but if that white stick came up with a plus sign this time. He had the trump card in his pocket, though. If she had any doubt that he was all in before their lapse in judgement had taken center stage, well, the proof lay within the metal lock box on her dresser.

~TBC

A/N- Thank you for reading and for all the reviews (that I know you'll leave). Thanks for all who left feedback for the last chapter, I loved, loved, loved seeing your kind words. I truly hope you enjoyed this one as well. I'm not sure when I'll get the next chapter out, it's drafted, but not written, so we'll see how it goes. My apologies for any grammatical errors, this chapter ran a bit longer than I'd planned and it is just _hard_ to self-edit that many dang words. Goodness only knows what may be slipping by, but I am trying, lol.

A/N #2-

2016 has challenged us in many ways. However you choose to- or are able to- process the loss, changes, and celebrations this year has brought, I wish you all luck, love, hugs, and happiness in the New Year.


	14. Chapter 14

The smell of lilacs had stayed with him long after she'd left Atlantis. After the scent had washed away from the sheets and blankets, somehow impossibly, it had lingered in the air, always catching him unaware. Elizabeth had used the lotion sparingly, making the one bottle she'd managed to bring last far longer than it should have. Every morning, he'd watch her rub a little dot into her hands, before gently swiping the excess against neck. And either she hadn't made room for it in the few items she'd brought to Atlantis or the shampoo was a new discovery, but now her hair smelled like lilacs too.

They were lying on their sides with only the thin sheet covering their skin. He mouthed kisses against her neck and shoulder as he drew in her scent and savored the taste of her skin. Both were things that had stayed with him after she'd left Atlantis, but he still couldn't stop, just as he couldn't stop kissing her or touching her.

It was a high, just as it had been that first night they'd spent together on Atlantis. They'd returned from the barn hours ago, but neither had made any effort to retrieve their clothes in the aftermath. And just like that first night on Atlantis, tonight, they staved off sleep. Talking, laughing, and stretching the time that they had.

"Where are you starting your travel?"

He'd asked just a moment before, but then his teeth had scrapped against a sensitive spot on her neck and her words had been lost as a happy sigh escaped her lips.

"I haven't booked the flight yet." She finally said.

Her voice rasped in the way it always did when they'd been awake for far too long, engaged in illicit activities. He supposed it was no longer so illicit now that she'd resigned from Atlantis, but if she returned that would be another story.

"But, I'm planning on going to Budapest first." She continued in the same sultry voice. That was something else that was his. No one else ever got to hear that sexy, throaty voice and he'd be damned if anyone else ever saw the sensual side of her that haunted his dreams.

"After Budapest, then Prague and Germany."

That hadn't been what he was expecting. He brought his eyes up to hers and she peered at him through her thick lashes. Her eyes were a heady mix of sleepy lust and love, and he paused for a moment, forgetting his question.

"They're supposed to be beautiful in the winter and they have amazing holiday markets." She answered his unasked question.

He knew what she was doing, even if she didn't realize it yet herself. Atlantis was stunning, but life there could be stark and, at times, crushing. There was unique beauty in the Middle East, but the pockets she'd worked within were hellish pits of anguish and loss. She was seeking out reminders of the beauty of life and, with any luck, she'd walk away from her journey remembering what they'd been fighting to protect, even if that fight had to take place a galaxy away from home.

The past days with Elizabeth had been his own well needed reminder. Her light had always balanced his darkness and, without her, something within him had hardened. It was instinctive for him to resort to banter and humor, so the change probably hadn't been that outwardly dramatic, but he felt it and he knew those closest to him had recognized it as well.

They'd never had to tell his team they were together. He'd seen it in their eyes, they'd been observant enough to figure it out early on and smart enough to understand why it couldn't be acknowledged. After she left Atlantis, they seemed to have made a pact among themselves to watch out for him. He knew what they were doing, but he'd been too numb to put forth any effort to stop them.

Ronon kept him busy. Sparing, target practice, and showing more interest than normal in any movie that had turned up in someone's personal effects. McKay always turned up at meal time, chattering until John wordlessly followed him to the mess hall just so he could catch a break of silence as McKay shoveled food in his mouth. Teyla alone had tried to talk to him, but he'd barely been able to say Elizabeth's name, much less talk about her leaving.

He tucked his head back to her neck, not wanting Elizabeth to see the pang of regret that rose fresh within. He knew he had to go back, but without her in Atlantis, it had been more of a struggle to get through each day. He felt tired all the time, when before, just feeling the hum of the city's white noise had been invigorating. Once, he'd hoped to find resolution with the Wraith and Asurans so they could get back to finding cool stuff and exploring the galaxy more freely. Now, he just wanted it done so he could get back to her or make it safer for her return.

"John." She whispered.

Her fingers were threaded in his hair and now she tugged gently on the strands, pulling his face back to hers. On long, timeless nights like this, she always protested when he stayed away from her lips for too long.

Kissing Elizabeth was a decadent thing. His mouth hovered over hers and he focused on the curves of her lip, remembering that that very first kiss. It was something he'd thought about for months, something he'd wanted with a ferocity that took his breath away. He'd recognized the same hunger echoing in her eyes, yet he'd walked away night after night, leaving her alone within the puddle of moonlight on the balcony. He'd felt like ass because he couldn't stay away, but he'd also known what it could cost them to cross that line. One night, despite his best intent, he hadn't been able to leave her. Instead, he had drawn her deep into the shadows of the balcony.

"Come here." She tugged until her lips crashed against his, and just like that first night, she poured an awareness, intent, and mind-numbing heat into each kiss and it was beyond anything he'd ever experienced before.

As Dave liked to remind him, he'd been a goofy looking, gangly kid. That had all changed the summer before he'd started high school. Not only did a growth spurt add inches to his height, his muscles had hardened and his shoulders broadened. At the time, he'd been acutely uncomfortable of the attention it suddenly brought from the girls around him. While he'd soon learned to appreciate the benefits, over the years he started to recognize the underlying drives of their attention. Looks. Popularity. Money. After he'd become a pilot, the perceived sense of danger. They'd kissed him with an absentminded and misdirected desire that really had little to do with the man he was inside and those encounters inevitably left him feeling hollow.

Elizabeth's kisses filled his darkness and warmed him from the inside out. Where others took, she poured her love and desire into every touch, every kiss, and every caressing stroke of her eyes.

Even before it began, he'd innately known she was different. She was important in ways he hadn't been able to understand or find the words to explain. In some sense, that still hadn't changed. Mine was the single most encompassing word he could find to concisely convey it. It was crude and selfish and about anything but romantic. He'd flinched the first time the word slipped, but instead of calling him out on his stupid male sense of possessiveness, he'd seen her eyes soften in surprise and understanding. No one had ever been able to instantly translate the look in his eyes or his monosyllabic babbling before Elizabeth.

And when her lips brushed his, he could lose himself to her kiss, a fact she was well aware of and the reason she kept dragging his face back to hers now. Persuasive as she could be, he wasn't ready to give in to all her wants just yet. It was late and she was exhausted. He knew once they made love again she would be spent and he wasn't ready to lose her to sleep.

He peeled his lips away. "Anywhere after Germany?" His mouth veered back towards her neck and an almost imperceptible moan slipped past her lips.

It took her a moment to respond. "I'm not setting an agenda, I'm just taking it as it goes. I have a friend in Paris, she's asked me to visit. I've always wanted to see Paris at Christmas."

She shivered as his palm ran down the side of her ribs, his mouth trailing right behind.

"That's an interesting itinerary for someone who is always freezing." He murmured against her skin, watching as goosebumps ruptured in the wake of his mouth. The fire was still going, the air in the room was more than warm. It wasn't the cold, just her over sensitized skin responding to his touch.

"Shopping this weekend, remember?" She sounded breathless.

"Don't remind me." His palm trailed around the curve of her hip.

He hoped she'd at least buy a bulky winter jacket. He had a flash of all the men ogling her in her new, snug jeans and the thought alone was enough to make his teeth grind. He knew she could take care of herself, but the thought of her roaming the world alone was a little unsettling, though to be fair, any time she was out of his sight, it was more than a little unsettling.

"I've never been to Prague. Make sure you save some places for us to explore together one day." His hand swept down the outside of her thigh.

His hands and lips had been trailing all around her body as they'd talked. It had been leisurely at first, almost lazy movements in the afterglow, but as the night had stretched on, his hands had begun treading a more tortuous path. After their repeated haste earlier in the night, he'd been intent on nurturing a slow, lingering burn.

"I can be your scout for a change. Find all the best places to take us back to."

She'd tried to hurry things along, but each time her hands had delved below his hips, he'd firmly caught them and returned them to her side. She was too tired to protest as she would have otherwise, and she grudgingly accepted the pace he'd set. Now, she kept her hands in his hair, gently scratching his scalp and saving her strength to drag his face back to hers when he'd detoured for too long.

His hand trailed around her knee and his fingers skimmed against her inner thigh. "I want to find the best places with you, Elizabeth."

A groan of frustration rumbled low in her throat as his hand veered away, staying busy everywhere except where she really wanted them to be. Her fingers twisted deeper into his hair and she tugged him up more forcefully. Her movement seemed infused with a new surge of energy and this time her kiss was possessive and demanding. Somehow, she'd shifted the weight of her upper body onto him and his nerves sizzled from the press of her bare chest against his own. She captured his tongue and gently sucked, unraveling every thread of control he had left.

Her lips tore away from his. "Enough."

Her eyes had molted into simmering emerald pools and it made his gut clench. He suddenly felt a primal need to see the look in her eyes when he coaxed her to abandon.

"Never enough." It was all he managed before she silenced him with her kiss.

~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v~v

"Elizabeth."

Her eyes briefly blinked open. The fire was still going and crimson flames illuminated the room. The air was warm and her eyes were so heavy. The stubble from John's face gently razed against her skin as his mouth moved towards her ear.

"Don't fall asleep." The bed dipped as he readjusted and suddenly she felt the weight of his body above hers. "Stay with me."

Her eyes flicked open. She may have only been asleep for moments, but this was a sight she could get used to waking up to again. His body was stretched above hers and his muscles bulged under the press of his weight. His hair was a riot of jutting spikes and a dark stubble bearded his face. He looked sexy as hell and her body shivered in response.

"Hey." He nudged her chin, drawing her gaze up to his. Instead of finding the seductive glean she'd expected, his eyes were filled with a quiet determination that instantly roused her from her sleep.

"What's wrong?" Her heart jerked.

Beyond the fact that he was leaving all too soon. She could already see the first light of morning cutting through the window.

He lowered to brace his weight on his elbows and his fingers tangled into her hair. "We could get married. If you want."

She relaxed and laughed softly. "We're trying to make a baby and you don't think I'd want to marry you?"

"I mean in that order. Marriage, then baby." His lips brushed hers. "Stop laughing, I'm serious. I had Dave make some calls yesterday. There isn't a waiting period in Virginia. We could get the license and get married this morning before I leave."

Her heart skipped a beat. He'd taken the call with Dave before they'd realized how careless they'd been. "You spoke to Dave before we went to the barn last night. Before…"

"Before we knew a baby could be part of the equation." He finished.

The laughter bubbling in her chest went flat as she studied his face. He was serious. Her heart started hammering within in her chest.

"No. I mean yes, but no." It was nonsensical babbling, but at least she'd managed some kind of response.

John's eyes narrowed. "What kind of answer is that?"

She blew out a slow breath. "Yes, I want to marry you." She cupped his face, pulling his mouth down to her. She kissed him slowly, hoping to in any way impart the depth of her love into that simple act.

"You'd better." John's voice rasped when she broke away. "There's a but, isn't there?"

"I don't want a rushed courthouse wedding without our family, minutes before you leave for another galaxy."

"If we made the calls now, Dave and Suzanne could make it. Your mom and Glen."

"Memories of our wedding would always be tied to your leaving. I don't want that." Her voice choked. "Plus…it would close the door on my returning to Atlantis."

His forehead crinkled at that. "I know. I still felt like I needed to say the words."

"Come here." She grasped the back of his neck and pulled his face down.

She couldn't seem to stop kissing him. Instead of the craving dulling as the night had gone on, it had only intensified and she felt compelled to pour every bit of love she could into him while she could. She needed him to remember what he was keeping himself safe for out there. His hand moved down her side and she reached for his hand, pulling it over her stomach. She needed him to remember everything he was keeping himself safe for.

He broke the kiss and abruptly rolled off her.

"Where are you going?"

He was mistaken if he thought he could quasi propose and then take off, leaving her in the bed alone. She heard the bedside drawer open.

"I have a present for you. I was too busy unwrapping you last night and I forgot to give it you."

She shifted onto her side and watched as he recovered a small wrapped package. His eyes darkened as he pulled it out.

"What the hell are these doing here?" He sat completely up now. He sat the present beside her and reached back into the drawer, pulling out a box of condoms. He held them up and his brow arched towards her.

Elizabeth rolled her eyes. She had a good idea how those had come to rest in her nightstand. "Suzanne. I knew there had to be a reason other than keys for her to burst in here the other morning."

John's lips quirked at that. He tossed the box onto the nightstand and swiveled back.

"Here." He picked up the wrapped box and extended it towards her.

She hesitated. "It doesn't seem fair. I didn't get you anything."

"I already told you, I unwrapped my present last night." His eyes simmered as he held her gaze.

It took her back to the very first time he had brought her a gift. It had been her birthday. So many memories on that balcony.

She accepted the gift as he pressed it into her hand. "You know, when we buy a home of our own, it needs to have a balcony."

John glanced beyond her to the balcony of this room. The morning light had grown stronger. "I think we can make that happen. Now open." He was smiling eagerly as if he was the one getting the present.

She tore away the paper to find a large velvet box. She gingerly pulled it open, finding a beautiful vintage necklace. It was crusted with tiny diamonds and the circular pattern made her think instantly of the Stargate.

"It's a locket." He pulled it away and opened it up.

Her mouth dropped. Inside, there was a small black and white photo of them she'd never seen. It had been taken from behind while they stood on the balcony outside her office, capturing them looking in each other's eyes."

"Where did you get this?" She breathed.

"Chuck. After you left, he slipped it to me one day."

She smiled at that. Chuck may have been the first person who had figured it out. He'd saved their necks the very first night John had drawn her off to the side on the balcony. It had been late. No one should have been looking for them, but of course, someone was always looking for them. When she and John finally emerged from the balcony, Chuck had told them McKay and Zelenka had come by and, he'd hoped they didn't mind, but he may of inadvertently directed them to the southeast pier. If John's hand hadn't been firmly at the small of her back, steering her out of the control room, she probably would have kissed Chuck that night, too.

Her eyes finally moved away from the picture to the other half of the locket. It was a picture of stars with the world Everlong printed over them in tiny print. She blinked in disbelief as recognition set in. Those weren't just any stars, it was a picture of her favorite constellation in the Pegasus galaxy. She'd had a photo of it in their room at one point, a photo she hadn't been able to find when she'd returned.

John drew her hand to his mouth and he kissed her ring finger. "The next diamond I'm buying you is going right here."

Her heart clenched and a tear slipped from her eye. John laid back on his side and pulled her tight within his arms. He pressed a kiss to her head. "I didn't mean to make you sad."

"Bittersweet." She whispered. "How did you do this anyway? The flowers, the ornament, the locket. Business calls with Dave, what else did you do in that hour you were away yesterday? It doesn't seem like you did very much walking."

"I had the locket made the last time I was in town, the time you didn't return my call. It was for your birthday." He edged slightly back, smiling wryly. "I left it at the house in the city when I didn't catch up with you. The attorney had to go there anyway to get Dave's signature on some things, so I had him bring it out."

John had shared enough that she knew his family was wealthy, but it had been eye opening when she'd actually met Patrick and Dave. It was only after they'd invited her to visit other homes she'd started to grasp the scope of that wealth. Now, finding out about the foundation and meeting one of their attorneys who made house calls and delivered jewelry, she was starting to suspect she may have just scratched the surface and, for some reason, it made her uncomfortable.

She still held the locket in her hand. John must have felt the cool metal brushing against his back, because he pulled away and took the locket, before placing it back on the nightstand. He twisted back on his side towards her. He kissed her slowly, his hand sweeping down along her side, pausing every so often to tug her closer. Her arms wound around him and their legs tangled together.

"When do you want to get up?" He pressed a kiss just below her ear.

"Never." She breathed.

The thought of leaving the bed, his leaving, brought fresh tears to her eyes. She tried to blink them away. She knew the separation wouldn't be any easier for John and seeing her upset wouldn't help him.

His hand swept across her stomach and tears started slipping hot and fast from her eyes. Her sense of bravado was suddenly MIA and she could hardly imagine what it would be like if she were pregnant and he wasn't around to experience every moment of it with her. He wouldn't hear the first heartbeat or see the ultrasound. And if he didn't make it back in nine months…

"Elizabeth." John murmured as he wiped away her tears.

Her eyes pressed shut and she took a deep breath. She'd known this moment was coming since he'd first arrived. The possibility of a baby not so much, but still. She took another deep breath and willed away the tears. She could find a way to be strong for him. The past year had proven she could be strong for herself.

Military wives did this every day. Babies were born while soldiers were deployed probably, well, she had no idea how often, but she made a mental note to find out. Maybe there was something the foundation could do for military families too. She'd never been on the other end of deployments before, but she had a suspicion she was about to find out how grueling they could be. She had friends, family. She was financially stable and the foundation job would give her the flexibility to work at home. Hell, she'd be the boss, she could take the baby to the office if she wanted to.

As for Atlantis, the IOA wanted her back so badly, she doubted they'd even blink at this point if a baby was part of the package. The people stationed on Atlantis, and their safety, had never been the priority anyway. It had always been about the job at hand. The SGC however… The ramifications made her heart cringe. They'd cross that bridge when and if it came to that.

John somehow managed to fold her deeper within his arms. Her head rested against his chest and the rhythm of his heartbeat soothed her now, just as it had earlier in the night.

"We don't have to get up yet. We still have some time." He kissed the top of her head.

"Not enough." She whispered. "Never enough."

~TBC

A/N: Thank you for reading and for sticking with me for this. Maybe I should have called it the Neverending Story, but Everlong works almost as well. Thanks for all of you who are taking the time to read and leave reviews- and you guys leave the best reviews (!). I love, love, love seeing your comments. I hope you enjoy this chapter and I look forward to seeing your thoughts, i.e. leave more reviews, lol. No pressure :).

The next chapter should be out within a week, so sign up for alerts if you'd like to know when it posts. If you are in for snow this weekend, enjoy. It's in my forecast, though I'm fairly certain I'm not ready...


	15. Chapter 15

The air was still steamy in the aftermath of their shower, its warmth a contrast to the cool, silky robe against her skin. She freed her curls from the messy bun and ran her fingers through her hair, untangling her locks and hopefully restoring them to some semblance of order. Her wide toothed comb was in the bedroom and she was reluctant to leave her perch to retrieve it. She'd settled on the bathroom counter between the two sinks, watching John shave.

He'd already pulled on his dog tags. He hadn't worn them since he was on leave, but today he had put them on as part of his habitual workday morning routine. They didn't bother John. Like his watch, wearing them was just automatic, familiar, and part of who he was.

Elizabeth had never given them much thought until the first night they'd spent together. Once the clothes had been stripped away, she'd eased them over his head, before tucking them out of sight on the night stand. They seemed a harsh, unwelcome reminder of what a soldier's life could boil down to. They'd never discussed it, but each night they'd shared after, the dog tags always came off when his sidearm did, both always staying within easy reach.

She wasn't sure how John's towel stayed secured around his waist, but he presented a particularly masculine picture. He was leaned over the sink, dog tags dangling from his neck, deep in concentration as he worked the razor around his jaw. His skin and hair were still slightly damp from the shower. There was something oddly intimate about watching him, another small taste of domesticity that had been elusive for them. While she knew John preferred the electric razor he'd left on Atlantis, the sight of him shaving was yet another thing she could get used to watching every day.

His face was covered in foamy lather and she couldn't seem to stop watching as he drew the blade of the razor down his face. The scent of her lilac lotion mingled with the familiar smell of his soap and she inhaled deeply drawing in the scent that was just them. If she closed her eyes, she could almost imagine they were back in their quarters on Atlantis.

"I've got to call Rodney in a few minutes, confirm my ride." John's eyes were fixed on the mirror.

There wasn't a clock in the bathroom, but she felt as though she could hear each click of the seconds ticking by. He had to pack, talk to Rodney. Their time had all but run out.

"Speaking of your ride, how are things with you and Steven?" That was one thing they hadn't yet discussed.

John cursed softly as he nicked his skin with the razor. "Can you at least call him Caldwell? I don't like hearing you say his first name." He reached for a tissue and dabbed the cut.

There had been a time he couldn't hear Steven's name without his face twisting into a deep scowl and his fists clenching. The nick on his face notwithstanding, at least now he seemed more in control of his response.

"Fine. How are things with Caldwell these days?" She revised.

John picked the razor back up. "He still keeps someone strategically posted in between us."

If Steven was still that wary, it made her wonder if there were any more incidents that hadn't made it into the reports Atlantis sent back to the SGC.

"A year later he's still wary? You haven't-"

"I haven't done anything."

He sounded entirely too innocent for that to be true.

"You swung at him." She reminded.

"Only the one time and I didn't actually hit him, no thanks to Lorne. Plus, I know Rodney told you what Caldwell said. You know he deserved it."

She couldn't argue with that. She'd just been glad John hadn't shot him after Rodney relayed what had been said. Caldwell had never reported John for attempted assault and Elizabeth knew he never would. He wouldn't want his crude comments to become a documented part of an official inquiry and there had been more than one witness to his outburst.

"He was always too upset for breach of protocol." John continued. "He made it personal and it shouldn't have been."

"What you mean?" Even as she asked, she knew John was right. She'd been too upset to recognize that at the time, but that still didn't explain why Caldwell had acted as he had.

John rinsed the razor, before starting on the final section of his face.

"The last time we had words, I called him out on it." He tilted his head to meet her eyes. "It was never really about me, even when he was pissed about getting passed over for the Atlantis posting. It's always been about me standing between him and you. He didn't deny it."

"You're saying...Caldwell?" She shook her head. "I don't understand, there was nothing I did that-"

"You did indulge him more than anyone else. You played chess with him." John shot her a pointed look.

"Chess? Yes, because that is a world renown flirting tactic. I also argued with him. Frequently. I had to temper that hostility somehow and, when the moment allowed, I tried to mend fences for the greater good. I had to know he'd be there when we needed him."

John rinsed the razor and set it aside. "It's like I told you before. I don't think you realize how powerful your flirting can be. You have to be careful where you direct that stuff. They say Bill still gets flustered whenever someone says your name at the SGC."

She felt an indignant flush creep across her face. "I wasn't flirting with Caldwell. And if he was, he gets the award for all time worst flirt ever. He's made pointed remarks about how close you and I are since day one."

"Kind of like being in grade school and him pulling your pigtails."

Elizabeth paused at that. "Oh my god." She'd never picked up anything hinting at affection from Steven and the thought of him targeting John because of her made her feel sick.

"Hey." John moved before her and settled into the space between her legs. "He was upset about what happened to you. I don't like it, or him for that matter, but that's something I understand."

His hands cupped her face and he leaned in to kiss her. The moment his lips struck hers, she felt the gooey press of the remnants of his shave cream. Her laughter flowed through their kiss and John pulled away, his eyes crinkling with laughter.

"Sorry about that," he said, looking anything but sorry.

She reached for the hand towel and twisted sideways to dampen it with warm water from the sink. After swiping the towel around her face, she reached up and gently wiped away the excess cream from his face. His eyes pressed shut and the humor left his face as she worked her way around his jaw. The electric razor he typically used never resulted in this close of a shave. When she finished, her fingers skimmed around, reveling how smooth his skin felt. He shuffled forward and her hands laced behind his neck, tugging his face down and clamping her mouth to his.

As the last of their time slipped away, their kisses had become more ragged, tinged with a sense of urgency that reminded her of the aftermath of their darkest moments on Atlantis, when they'd been almost desperate in the need to demonstrate how alive they really were. His hands ran through her hair and down her back. Her lips felt scorched as his mouth worked against hers as if trying to infuse everything he was feeling into each brush of his lips.

The blaring of a cell phone ringing filled the room.

John growled as he wrenched his lips away. "Damn it." His voice was almost a pant, his chest was rapidly rising and falling as he caught his breath. "I should get that, it's probably Rodney."

She still hadn't caught her breath, her heart was racing, but, impossibly, a yawn rocked through her body. The corners of John's lips twitched as he watched her. The phone went silent. John didn't seem concerned and she could easily guess why. If that was Rodney, he'd call over and over until John picked up.

John reached out and cupped the side of her face. "At least you get to sleep after I leave. I have to work."

"Maybe it's a good thing you bought those energy drinks after all."

They hadn't slept at all last night. He'd return exhausted, wasting what energy he had burying the pain of leaving. Add an unhealthy dose of caffeine to that mix and he'd probably end up cranky as hell. She didn't envy the crew on the Daedalus. Hopefully McKay would have the sense enough to keep John busy and away from Caldwell.

The phone started ringing again. John kissed her forehead and stepped aside to grab his phone. She eased off the counter and crossed into the bedroom. While John was on the phone, she quickly dressed, putting on clean jeans, boots, and a cream colored sweater.

"Where are you going?" John stepped out of the bathroom, still holding the phone to his ear. "Not you, McKay, hold on." He covered the bottom part of the phone.

"I'm going to check on the horses." She had a tenuous hold on composure and it would be ripped away if she dared to watch him pack his bag.

John's expression was somber. He nodded and slipped across the hall to the bedroom where he'd left his things.

Minutes later, Elizabeth couldn't remember the walk that had led her to the barn, but now she stood before Buttercup's stall watching the mother and baby. They were resting peacefully. Romeo, however, was another story, but at least his antics had drawn her out of her fog.

He stomped and whinnied repeatedly, undoubtedly feeling left out with all the attention that had been showered on Buttercup. She worked his way to his stall and glanced out towards the lake.

If John hadn't been leaving, it really would have been a beautiful morning. The air was crisp, but it was still unseasonably warm for this time of year. The sky was blue with giant billowing clouds. It would be a beautiful day on the trails. She hadn't been planning to ride when she'd come down, but it would take John a few minutes to gather his things, plus most phone calls with Rodney tended to run long. She could go ahead and get his saddle on. She could take him into the corral for now and ride after John left.

She would need something to keep her moving forward and she'd always found riding very calming. Riding- equine therapy was the fancy term- had even been included in a list the psychologist had given her of recommended activities for those recovering from PTSD. It made her wonder…she needed to ask Blaze how many horses lived at his sanctuary.

A booming nose echoed out of Romeo's stall.

"Quieten down, Romeo. I'm coming to get you." She shook her head.

He instantly settled when she opened the stall. He started gently nosing around her, nothing like the impatient "get me out of here already, lady" dance he usually did when he knew she was getting ready to ride.

"It's not going to be a good day, Romeo. But you know that already, don't you?"

Romeo had proven adept at picking up on the moods of those around him. Blaze said that wasn't unusual for horses.

"All right then, let's see what we can do to cheer both of us up."

She was well practiced at this point and it only took her a few minutes to get the gear in place. She led him out of the stall, before grasping the reigns and mounting the horse. She guided him into the corral that surrounded the barn. Blaze had just closed the gate behind him and he walked towards her, a fluffy brown and black puppy hot on his heels.

"Who's your friend?" She called.

Blaze moved closer and grasped hold of Romeo's bridle. From her perch high atop the horse, everyone normally seemed smaller, but Blaze never had. He wasn't as tall as John, but he was broader, his muscles honed by hard daily labor from growing up on a farm and maintained by his assortment of careers. He didn't have any funding for the horse sanctuary, carrying the load of the care on his back, along with assistance from a skeleton crew of volunteers.

When they'd first met, Elizabeth had recognized the sadness in his blue eyes. It echoed the pain within her own. She'd guessed divorce after noting the suntan line on his ring finger and had felt wretched after he'd confided he was a widower. In the aftermath, he'd moved to Virginia and bought out the local vet practice. He joked about his name forever committing him to a life facing the fire, so as he had in his former city, he joined the local volunteer fire department. While she would never try to compare her heartache to his grief, they were both moving through stages of loss by cutting ties to their homes and filling their hours with work. It wasn't surprising they'd formed an instant rapport.

Blaze patted the side of Romeo's neck. "Someone from town found the puppy at the side of the road a few days ago and dropped him off at the clinic. My sister is coming up at Christmas and she's going to take him, so I have a little shadow for the next few weeks."

It looked like a Shepherd mix and the thought made Elizabeth smile. The puppy was alternating sitting back on his haunches and then daringly stepping forward and swiping a paw out in front of Romeo. It looked like he wanted to play.

"I think he likes Romeo." She laughed.

"He likes everybody." Blaze smiled. "I thought you were supposed to be back in D.C. this week."

"I'm going back this weekend, but I'll be here through Friday. I'm going back on Saturday to go shopping with Suzanne." She hesitated. "Maybe you can finally give me that tour of the sanctuary? I have an idea I want to run by you."

"Shopping with Suzanne, huh? That should be an experience." The look on his face was a cross between horror and amusement. "I close the vet practice early on Fridays, if that works. Stop by around 4:00 p.m. and you can ride back with me."

"Friday is perfect."

Blaze had been smiling, but now his expression turned serious. "Is John leaving today?"

She tracked his eyes back towards the lodge. John had just stepped off the deck, his bag firmly clutched in his hand.

"Yes." She watched John scan the yard, before doing a double take as he spotted them at the barn.

Blaze took a long step away from her. "Have you talked to John about me?"

"No."

Even from this distance it wasn't hard to read John's body language. His stride was fluid, but determined, like a predator intent on his prey.

Blaze took another step back. "Well he looks a little pissed, plus he's armed, so I'm going to excuse myself to go check on Buttercup."

Blaze was gone before she could even respond. She glanced back and John was closing in on the corral. Even she had to draw in a breath at his imposing facade. There was something about the black uniforms, she'd always thought they made him look more dangerous. He certainly looked that way now. His jaw was set and his eyes were hard. Not only he was in full uniform, but she could see the gun in his thigh holster and she'd no doubt there was a knife clipped to his belt. Thankfully, P90s weren't standard issue for leave or Blaze may have been all out running at this point. John stepped inside the gate and let his bag fall to the ground.

She nudged the horse closer to where John paused near the fence. When she swung her leg around to dismount, he grasped her hips. His lips clamped onto her own as he picked her up and pulled her against his chest. Her legs crossed around his waist and her arms darted around his shoulders, anchoring her hold on him. He somehow managed to step away from the horse and settle her atop the fence before he broke their kiss. He stood between her legs, one hand steadying her waist and the other trailing into her hair.

She cupped his chin, forcing his eyes up to hers. "Did you really need the gun on right now?"

"As a matter of fact, I do. I'm on duty the second my feet hit the ground." He seemed oddly pleased that he'd sent Blaze darting away.

"Still, you may as well have put up a billboard that said mine with the stunt you just pulled." Her voice escaped as more of a whisper then the menacing tone she'd striven for.

He reached up and trailed his finger around her lower lip. "A billboard wouldn't have been as much fun." His lips brushed against hers again.

"Elizabeth, I'm heading out." Blaze called out.

She tucked her head sideways to glance beyond John and she waved goodbye. Blaze warily waved in return before turning and heading back into the barn. John, not surprisingly, hadn't even bothered to turn around.

She tilted her head towards him and arched a brow.

"I don't like seeing you with that guy." John's voice was a rumbling hiss.

"I kind of got that, John."

"And I don't like the way he says your name. Sounds like Lizabeth, like a pet name."

"He's from Georgia, he has a bit of a southern drawl. What's your excuse? That's exactly how you say my name."

"I do not. Do I?" John's expression softened. "Was that before or after… we were together?"

"Pretty much always. I thought you did it on purpose. Your voice is sexy enough, when you say my name like that..." Her shoulders drew up in a happy little shudder. "Well, it can be more than a little distracting."

"That seems only fair then." He tucked his head and pressed a kiss just below her ear. "Everything you do distracts me."

He edged away and brushed her hair back behind her ear. He held her gaze and the chaotic mix of emotions in his eyes mirrored those pulsing within her heart.

"How are we on time?" She was almost afraid to ask.

He glanced at his watch. "Rodney should be texting any minute. They're using my phone to, well…do whatever they do to lock on. And don't ask how he's texting me from the Daedalus, I made the mistake of asking and he rambled on for minutes."

Even that didn't bring a smile to her lips, she was already trying to steel herself. He was still standing before her and it already felt like her heart was being ripped out.

His hands fell to her waist and he lifted her down from the fence. "Promise me you'll call the doctor today."

She stepped forward and took his hand, lacing her fingers through his. "I promise."

"And that you'll take care of yourself and let me know…" He cursed under his breath. "This isn't right. I should be here for you."

She kissed his hand before releasing it. "Like you said, we have some figuring out to do."

His hands came up to frame her face. "I feel like you need me here."

"They need you more." Her voice wavered. "And I'm doing a pretty good job of being my own hero."

His eyes were locked onto hers and she could see everything he was trying not to say and everything he couldn't manage to say. His eyes were already red from lack of sleep, but they were growing glassy now as well.

"I'm not so good at saying goodbye." He pulled her into a fierce hug and pressed a kiss to the top of her head.

"We're not saying goodbye." She whispered.

She could feel the phone in his pocket buzz.

"That was the two minute warning." John said.

Shit. Tears started down her face.

"Take care of you for me." Her voice choked.

She loosened her hold as she eased her head back and his mouth fused with hers in one last deep and urgent kiss. A moment later, he grudgingly released her and stepped back to pick up his bag. She turned away, she couldn't bear to watch him leave.

"I love you." She whispered.

A second later, he was gone. She didn't hear anything, couldn't see anything, but she immediately felt the absence of his warmth. It felt like a ton of bricks landed on her. It hurt to breathe. It wasn't just breathing, there wasn't a cell in her body that wasn't in agony at that moment. She knew he struggled with certain words, but, today of all days, she'd needed to hear those three little words before he left.

The human body was amazing, she realized. Elizabeth couldn't fathom how she was still on her feet, still breathing when it felt everything was collapsing within her heart. Romeo sidled up close and nudged her side. She wasn't entirely surprised to find the horse hadn't wandered elsewhere within the corral though she'd released the reins long ago. Romeo's back foot stomped the ground and his nostrils flared when he puffed, as if he somehow understood her pain.

Elizabeth wiped her tears and rested her head against Romeo's neck. "Looks like it's just you and me, Romeo."

~TBC

A/N: Thank you all for taking the time to read and for taking the time to leave reviews. I love seeing your comments, they have been great motivation to keep at it even though I've been under the weather. I hate being sick. :(

This chapter was originally twice this size, but I've turned it into two, so the next one shouldn't take so long to polish and publish. Sign up if you'd like alerts when the next chapter posts.


	16. Chapter 16

Elizabeth wasn't sure how long she'd stood there, but her head was still nestled against Romeo's neck when she heard a familiar voice call her name. She directed her gaze back towards the lodge and spotted Suzanne striding across the yard. She would have been impossible to miss with her vibrant pink shirt gleaming out from under her white puffer vest, quite the contrast to the natural world around.

After Suzanne's divorce, she'd veered away from her signature black wardrobe and had moved firmly into the world of color, much more fitting with her personality. And before her divorce, it had probably been since their college days since she'd seen her friend in jeans. Now, if Suzanne wasn't working, she lived in denim. They'd both changed a lot over the past few years, but if anything, their friendship had only grown stronger.

"Elizabeth!" She waved dramatically.

Suzanne opened the gate and quickly crossed the corral to Elizabeth's side.

"Oomph." Elizabeth gasped as she was captured in a fierce hug. "What are you doing here?"

"Like I wouldn't be here."

Suzanne pulled away, strands of her short hair sticking to Elizabeth's tear stained face. She gently brushed her hair away, before using her thumb to wipe away some of the tears.

"I only went back to the city to clear my schedule." Suzanne continued. "I would have come back yesterday if John had left then. I didn't want you to be alone."

"Thank you." She whispered.

Movement from inside the barn caught her eye and a shock of fear flooded her veins. Blaze was still inside, they'd never bothered to check if he'd left. Logic quickly overcame her panic and her nerves slowly started to settle. Blaze moved about the barn in a casual and unconcerned manner, hardly the behavior of a someone who'd seen a man disappear before his eyes.

He was checking on all the horses, the puppy on his heels each step of the way. She eyed the puppy longingly, she could already picture him slipping on the wood flooring as he skidded about the house. She'd reluctantly relinquished Sedge to Simon years ago, it wasn't like she could have brought him to Atlantis, and she missed his comforting companionship. She was in no position to permanently adopt, not with her upcoming travel plans, but she _could_ foster for a few weeks.

She wiped the tears that were still falling, thankful the stream was slowing at least. "Suze, would Dave mind having a dog in the house?"

Suzanne rummaged in her purse until she came up with a handful of tissue. "You mean our house or your house?"

"I don't have a house." She gratefully accepted the tissue and dabbed at her eyes. "Selling mine, remember?"

She fixed Elizabeth with a quizzical look. "This is your house."

"I'm just staying here temporarily."

"What do you think you signed yesterday?"

Something within her twisted uncomfortably. "A power of attorney so I can take care of things around here."

"Yes, what you signed does give you the legal ability to take care of things around here." Suzanne paused for a long moment. "But this isn't Dave's house anymore, it's…John's."

"I don't understand. Isn't this a family house?" She asked, puzzled as to why John wouldn't have told her that.

"Dave's keeping the house in the city, we already live there. John took this estate. We had it on good authority we can still visit whenever we want and he said we could still have the wedding here, if that's okay with you."

"Why okay with me? It's not my house. You're planning a June wedding right? I won't even be living here at that point."

"We're planning a July wedding." Suzanne hesitated again. "And you never know, you could easily still be living here then. With travel and the foundation ramp up, you're going to be busy. I don't think you should make finding somewhere else to live a priority just yet."

"I'm letting the horses out in the pasture, Elizabeth. Want me to take this troublemaker off your hands?"

Elizabeth tilted her head to the side and wondered when Joe had arrived. They'd all come so close to seeing John leave, they shouldn't have been so careless. Joe's eyes were wide with concern and Elizabeth could only imagine how she looked. She'd wanted to ride, but between the tears and her already sleep bleary eyes, it probably wasn't the best idea.

"Yes. Thank you." She handed the reigns to Joe and directed her attention back to Suzanne. "Doesn't Dave take care of everything here? With John…out of pocket, who will take care of it? I'll be out of town at least two weeks in December and I'm not sure how long I'll stay here after that."

"They have people in place to take care of all that. Helen, Blaze, Joe. The accountant takes care of the insurance and taxes."

"That all sounds complicated, not to mention expensive." Elizabeth rubbed her temple.

"Dave warned me John wasn't much of a talker, but I can't believe, he should have told you…" Suzanne paused as if trying to decide where to start. "John and Dave have more than they'll ever need just from what their mother left them, now they are inheriting from Patrick as well. Money isn't going to be an issue. All the bills go directly to the accountant; you don't have to worry about anything."

Her mouth opened, but she couldn't seem to summon any words to capture the multitude of questions hammering her brain.

"Hey, we don't have to talk about this now. Why'd you ask about the dog though?"

"Blaze has a puppy he's fostering for a few weeks, but he has his hands full already. I thought I'd offer to keep him."

Suzanne pointed towards Blaze. "That puppy?"

Elizabeth nodded.

"Too much cuteness in one place. The puppy is adorable too." She linked her arm through Elizabeth's. "Do you think Blaze highlights his hair? I thought it used to be more brown, but now it seems more blond. And how is it possible he is still tan? Look how pale I am."

Elizabeth blinked rapidly trying to figure out how she'd stumbled into this inane conversation when her heart was in agony and the tears were barely drying from her eyes.

"What, are you worried he's blonder than you?" She managed a weak laugh. That had been another post-divorce change of Suzanne's. She'd forgone her time consuming hair coloring treatments that had made her locks almost platinum and now they were back to her natural dark blond hue.

Suzanne laughed. "Maybe I am."

"And he works outside half the day, it's probably from all that sun." Elizabeth remembered. In her eyes, Blaze's hair seemed darker now they were on the cusp of the winter months.

"True. Well, come on. I'm always open for any opportunity to talk to Blaze."

 _Later that afternoon-_

Elizabeth was physically and emotionally exhausted. The puppy was asleep next to her on the couch and she eyed him jealously, wishing she could slip into a similar peaceful slumber, but she was more than hesitant to shut her eyes. She wasn't sure if the nightmares would return without John by her side and she wasn't looking forward to finding out.

Earlier that morning, Blaze had called the puppy his little shadow and that's what Elizabeth had taken to calling him. She hadn't missed the irony, a Shepherd puppy called Shadow. It had been impossible to ignore the whispers on Atlantis. McKay had told the tale of the storm one too many times, including a virtual dramatic reading of John's death threat to Kolya. In his bubble of adrenaline, it had never occurred to him how everyone would interpret John's actions.

The body count, along with McKay's theatrical tale, had certainly made an impression on the crew. Almost immediately, they'd started calling John her dark shadow. He was the only dark shadow in her world she'd ever taken comfort in and the only one she hoped would haunt her dreams that night.

"Your cell phone wasn't in your bedroom." Suzanne came trotting down the stairs. "But, I did find something interesting."

Elizabeth had been looking for her phone since they'd returned from the barn, but was too tired to give the search any real effort. It wasn't as if John could call or text her, at any rate.

Suzanne continued talking as she strode into the room. "Dave wanted to postpone sorting the house paperwork until John was on leave again, but John was adamant about getting the ownership change legalized before he left. He made it abundantly clear he wanted you to stay in the house."

Elizabeth sat higher, trying to see what Suzanne held in her hand.

Suzanne paused before her. "And I'm starting to understand why. Why is this box unopened, Elizabeth? I know you're not on birth control." She shook the box of condoms in her hand.

"Suze." She rubbed her head. She didn't think she had the strength to have this conversation with Suzanne.

"You didn't want any wine earlier."

"I didn't sleep last night and I'm barely hanging on to my sanity. Wine didn't seem like the best way to go." Maybe diversion would work.

"That doesn't explain this." Suzanne shook the box of condoms again. "And I know he didn't have any, I looked through his wallet."

"Suzanne!"

"What? It was just lying on his bed. You should go through it, too. He had a slip of paper with some crazy symbols on it. I thought maybe it was a hot girls phone number in Sanskrit or something. I almost threw it away."

"Hot girl? Sanskrit?" It was probably a gate address, not that she could explain that to Suzanne. "Suzanne, we might need to have a conversation about boundaries."

"Never mind all that now. Explain this." Suzanne held out the box.

Elizabeth shrugged, feeling strangely guilty under the force of her friends stare. "We wanted…" Her voice trailed off. There was no way to explain it sanely.

"Oh my god." Suzanne stared at her with a gaping mouth. "I just thought you'd gotten carried away."

"I know it's sounds crazy, but-"

"Elizabeth, of everything I've learned about you and John, and what I suspect from everything you're not allowed to say, having a baby is probably one of the least crazy things you've done in the past five years."

She found she couldn't argue with that.

"You didn't get married, did you? John had Dave looking up marriage license requirements and waiting periods. I never thought you'd go for it, but I didn't know…" Suzanne's cheeks flushed. "If you got married and didn't call me-"

"We didn't get married." Shit. Tears again.

Suzanne just stared. Elizabeth couldn't remember her friend ever falling speechless before and she hoped she never did again. It was disturbing in a weird way and it instantly put her on edge.

"What?" She threw her hands up.

"For years, you've had jobs so dangerous you required military protection. Now you're trying to have a baby, but you won't marry him? How did I not realize what a badass you were becoming?"

Elizabeth almost laughed at that.

"And..." Suzanne carried on dramatically. "The baby daddy you pick is, like, the ultimate badass. Dave has told me about his work and that's just the stuff that he knows. The stuff we don't know is probably nightmare inducing."

Suzanne had no idea how close to home she was, nightmare inducing indeed. But-

"Baby daddy?" Elizabeth's eyes stretched wide. "Where you do get this stuff?"

She started laughing through her tears and she shook her head, wishing she could shake some of the crazy away. It seemed implausible that she could be laughing, while if anything, the ache in her heart only seemed to be growing as the day went on.

"This is what happens when your best friend abandons you for secret locales and then the Middle East. I end up spending way too much time with my nieces watching awful movies and TV shows. I used to be smart, Elizabeth. Now my mind is filled with crap." She seemed to suddenly notice the force of Elizabeth's tears. She grabbed a box of tissue and handed it to Elizabeth. "Sorry, some friend I'm being."

Suzanne sat on couch and put a pillow on her lap and patted. Elizabeth laid down and rested her head on the pillow.

"Some badass I am." Elizabeth sniffled.

Suzanne's fingers trailed comfortingly through her hair. "You have to let yourself fall apart sometimes to keep from tearing yourself apart. You be back to the badassery soon enough."

"Baddassery? Is that even a word?" She started laughing through the tears once again.

"I don't know, maybe we're just so badass that we created a new word." Suzanne laughed.

"What would I do without you, Suze?"

"You'll never have to find out. You realize we're about to actually be sisters? I mean, once he finally gets you down an aisle or to the courthouse or something."

She took a moment to respond. "I'm going to marry him, Suze." And that, at the moment, was about the only thing she felt certain about.

"I know you are." Suzanne's voice was quiet.

Elizabeth sat up on the couch and wiped away the damn tears again. She was already getting a headache from crying so much. Could she even take Tylenol? She needed to buy a book or something. It seemed like some women were born knowing everything about pregnancy and babies. It had never been something she wanted and nothing she'd ever heard had stuck. Except the no alcohol. Ugh...and limited caffeine. That one would hurt worse than lack of Tylenol.

"Dave and I want kids too, but we're not going all rogue like you." Suzanne reached out and playfully jabbed her on the shoulder. "We want to have fun and drink loads of champagne at the wedding, but... after that, we're trying."

That would be challenging with Suzanne's current job. Elizabeth couldn't imagine her not working, but she also couldn't imagine an attorney easily finding employment that would be family friendly with flexible hours.

"Suzanne?" Elizabeth cast her eyes to her friend. "Maybe you should consider joining the family business."

"Go to work with Dave? Utilities?" Suzanne shuddered. "I think not."

"I meant the foundation." She reached out and stroked Shadow's velvety ears.

"Really? John told Dave about the proposal he found and what you want to do. It sounds perfect for you, John too, but I don't know anything about those issues."

"We'll need an attorney on staff, plus you know the inner working of D.C. politics. I'd rather someone else take point with that, the fundraising and lobbying too, so I can focus on the program itself. I could offer flexible hours and generous maternity leave."

Suzanne looked thoughtful. "You probably can't afford me."

"I know I can't." Elizabeth managed a smile. "But your future husband can. I think you can handle the pay cut."

"There is that. Maybe we should talk some more over wine. Damn, scratch that. This will take some time to get used to. Over coffee? No, you shouldn't have so much of that either."

"Ice cream?" Elizabeth countered.

Elizabeth shoved off the couch and Suzanne followed behind as they made their way to the kitchen.

"Hmm. I think you're going to make a great boss, Elizabeth." Suzanne's arm stretched around her side and she pulled her in for a quick hug. "You'll make a great mom, too." Her voice had softened.

Elizabeth wasn't sure about that, but she would try. She'd give it everything she had, she just hoped she had the opportunity. They'd tried for months on Atlantis, but this time she'd been off the pill more than long enough. Her hand rested on her stomach, trying to picture it swelling with life. She'd been trying all day, but no matter what she did, she hadn't been able to imagine it, not without John by her side every step of the way.

"I want to hear about your plans for the foundation from you. Men are never to be trusted as reliable sources of information, you know." Suzanne pulled open the freezer door. "But… first chocolate."

She settled into a chair at the island and smiled at her friend. "But first chocolate." She agreed as Suzanne put down a pint of ice cream and two spoons.

"Hey, I found your phone!" Suzanne turned and reached the phone out to Elizabeth. "It was under a vase with beautiful white roses. Did someone buy you flowers, Elizabeth?" She sweetly chided.

Elizabeth shook her head and otherwise ignored her friend as she typed in the password on her phone. She could see the notification on the home screen, there was a new text message from Blaze.

 _Nice weather forecast Friday. Dinner after tour? I'll grill. Know you struggle to feed yourself._

The corners of her lips twitched. Maybe she should talk to Helen about some cooking lessons, she was tired of all the men around her aggravating her over her lack of domestic skills.

Elizabeth and Blaze had stayed in frequent contact since they'd first met. On the rare occasions she'd been in town at the same time Blaze was in D.C. for business, they'd fallen into the habit of meeting for lunch or dinner. It had been nice. They'd both needed someone to talk to and conversation had come easy for them.

She'd been reluctant to tell Suzanne, because she couldn't fully explain their friendship. Blaze was extremely private about his personal life and he'd never made his loss public news. Elizabeth was the only one in this town who knew. Also, when it came to handsome men, her friend had a one track mind. There was no telling what she would have told Dave that could have eventually filtered back to John.

"Blaze is texting you?" Suzanne had circled around and was peering over her shoulder, scrutinizing her phone. "His text makes it sound like you have a date, makes it sound like you've had dates."

Elizabeth cringed at her friend's accusatory tone. "Settle down. I'm going to tour the horse sanctuary. Maybe now would be a good time to talk about the foundation. It might shed some light on the visit."

"And the dinner?" Suzanne's brow arched.

"There is nothing wrong with two friends having dinner."

"At his house?" Suzanne asked pointedly.

"Seriously? I thought the whole trying for a baby thing kind of implied that I'm already in a serious relationship."

"And what would John say? He was almost unglued after seeing you with Blaze and that was before you two were officially back together."

Elizabeth tried not to blanch. Her friend was better off not knowing John's reaction to Blaze had only gotten worse as the days stretched on.

"If he had all the facts…he'd be fine with it."

"Fine." Suzanne sighed. "But be careful with Blaze. I joke because he is insanely handsome, but he's the whole package, isn't he? Nice, smart, caring. Loneliness can make people do crazy things."

"It's not like that with us, plus I don't have to worry about being lonely. Between you, Shadow, my mother- and it's a pretty safe assumption you two have already coordinated schedules so someone's always keeping an eye on me- I won't have a chance."

"I still don't like it."

"You're just jealous Blaze isn't grilling for you." Elizabeth managed to tease.

"You've got me there." Suzanne laughed.

They fell quiet for a minute as Elizabeth responded to Blaze's text and set the phone aside.

It was irrational, but she'd still hoped for some reason she'd find a text or voice mail from John. Atlantis exchanged communication updates with the SGC once a week, but she didn't know if the Daedalus was on the same type of schedule since they were in transit. It could potentially be weeks until the SGC forwarded John's emails. A stray tear slipped from her eye and she tucked her head sideways, discreetly sweeping it away.

Suzanne pressed a spoon into her hand. "You're looking pale. Let's get some calories in you, the sugar rush won't hurt either."

Elizabeth held her spoon up and Suzanne clinked her own against it, a tradition of theirs that dated back to their college days. After the satisfying clink of the metal, they dug in.

"We can do this, Elizabeth. You can do this."

"Knowing that doesn't necessarily make it any easier."

"Do you have a doctor yet?"

"I have a recommendation." She glanced over her shoulder, her bag was on the counter behind them. "I have the phone number in my bag."

Suzanne pushed away from the counter. "You keep eating, I'll get the bag. We need to make that call."

"We need to do more than that, you need to give me a crash course in pregnancy and babies." Elizabeth mused.

Suzanne's eyes were wide with horror as she walked back towards the island. "I know nothing. Why would you think I can help?"

"You have nieces, the ones who are filling your head with crap?" Elizabeth jabbed the spoon towards her. "Plus, you said you weren't going all rogue like me. I assumed that indicated some amount of planning."

"I had a career too, I barely ever saw my nieces until I'd put in ten years at my firm and finally started getting some time off." Suzanne set down Elizabeth's bag and settled back onto her barstool. "And no…I just wrapped my mind around the idea of being a mother. I was afraid if I did too much digging, I'd change my mind." Suzanne shot her an impish grin.

Real laughter rolled through her body, a much needed reprieve for her aching heart. "Great, so we're both clueless."

"I'll get my laptop out later." Suzanne's brows furrowed in concentration. "There has to be a book or something we can order. We'll figure it out as we go."

This was the kind of conversation mothers in their twenties should be having. Twenty was more years behind than either woman would care to count. By now, shouldn't they have things more under control?

Elizabeth shook her head. "This just doesn't seem like the kind of thing you figure out as you go."

"That's because you are used to having just a career. This is what having a life is like. I didn't figure it out until after my divorce. You just kind of have to throw yourself in headfirst and give up that need for control. Real life is messy, chaotic, unplanned, unorganized and amazing. You're gonna love it."

Once, she'd have thought her friend was crazy for even uttering those words. Now she understood, though the kind of living Suzanne endorsed seemed out of reach. Real life seemed like an intangible dream almost as much as the idea of motherhood. None of it made sense without John and an unwelcome numbness seemed to be growing inside her chest.

There _was_ one thing she could do that could give her something concrete to hold on to. She reached for her bag and prowled until she came up with the slip of paper with the doctor's referral. It was battered and the edges had curled from months of being knocked around inside her bag, but the writing was still legible. She'd never given much thought as to why she'd still carried it around, but she'd never been able to throw it away. Now she understood that deep inside, she'd still been holding onto that hope.

She picked back up her phone and glanced over at Suzanne. "I guess I need to find out just how real things are getting."

After this call, she needed to slip away from Suzanne for a bit. She needed to call the IOA and Suzanne couldn't be allowed to overhear that conversation.

This thing with the house was bothering her, maybe more than it should, but in her mind it hinted at the bigger issue and one that had plagued them since they'd first met. Trust. John had always struggled to trust her, while her faith had been unwavering. Even when she'd left Atlantis, she'd known he loved her, or at least had loved her, but John had shut her out. Once he set his mind to something, there had never been much, if anything, she could do to change his mind.

Elizabeth drew in a deep breath and pushed her doubt away. In a way, it made sense that he hadn't said anything. Some of the things John felt the strongest about were things he could never bring himself to talk about. Just as he'd only managed to say I love you in those unguarded seconds before sleep, it wouldn't be out of character for John to not tell her about the house, especially if it meant that much to him that she stayed. While she understood the underlying drives behind his behavior, she wasn't immune to feeling the sting and it hurt when he held back from her. It always had.

John hadn't even been gone for twenty-four hours and she'd already fought off a wave of doubt. It scared her to no end to wonder how John would handle the separation. He wouldn't be able to easily shake off any doubt that arose and there was only so much she could do to reinforce her love when she was a galaxy away. She'd known it all along, but hadn't been able to face it until that moment. They wouldn't survive only seeing each other once a year and that meant only one thing. She had to go back.

She wasn't prepared to return to Atlantis in any kind of full-time permanent basis. She was committed to the foundation and, somewhere deep inside, she knew that was where her future lay. But she would be willing to consult in person rather than via web conferences as she was now with the SGC. Consulting should also remove the barriers that stood between them having a relationship.

None of it would be possible unless she could expedite the journey between Earth and Atlantis. If the IOA really wanted her back, it was time for them to rebuild the Midway space station and bring the Intergalactic Gate Bridge back online.

Suzanne nudged her arm. "Hey. You going to call the doctor or what?" She nodded encouragingly.

Elizabeth took another deep breath and dialed the phone.

~TBC

A/N: Thank you for reading and extra special thanks to all of you lovelies who have been leaving reviews. I love seeing your comments and so appreciate you taking a minute to post the feedback!

I'm still recovering from pneumonia, so my apologies for any errors that slipped by. I can't blame any crazy on aliens, but I can blame it on the fever. ;) Next chapter should post within a week, sign up for alerts if you'd like to know when it posts.


	17. Chapter 17

_January…_

Elizabeth stared out the windows to the street beyond. Huge flakes of snow were falling and a white powdery dusting covered the streets, but did nothing to slow the bustle of city life. The building they'd purchased for the foundation was in an up and coming D.C. neighborhood. From her comfortable chair, she could see a coffee shop, two bakeries, and a Chinese food restaurant.

Besides having easy access to some of her favorite culinary necessities, she'd instantly taken to the exposed brick interiors as well as the fireplace that someone had updated to gas at some point. They were taking advantage of that convenience now, and the fire added warmth and ambiance to the large open space.

What would one day be a reception area was now the working office space. It held a mishmash of office furnishings along with some well upholstered arm chairs and comfortable sofas. She didn't want the foundation to carry a clinical feel, she wanted recipients to feel welcome as soon as they passed through the door. They were working with a local architect to carve up the rest of the building into usable space for the focus areas of the foundation.

Based on early renderings, they should be able to easily convert the building to suit their current needs and still have space for growth in the future. The foundation administration and local job assistance services would remain here, but eventually, most of the other planned services would either take place in the field or at their own location.

The aroma of coffee dusted against her nose. She drew in a long sip from the steaming mug cupped between her hands. It was decaf, a weak imitation of her favorite dark roast, but she still welcomed its warmth.

"Elizabeth, are you paying any attention to what I'm saying? You've been in a fog since you came back from the bathroom, are you feeling all right?" Suzanne's eyes were wide with concern.

"Yes." She shook her head. "No, actually, I need a minute. I need to send an email."

She shoved out of the deep armchair and moved towards the small board table which served as the only desk for the small team she'd recruited. Some desks had been delivered, but wouldn't be assembled until after the office space had been carved out and allocated. No one seemed to mind and she found she enjoyed the shared work space. It certainly favored the collaboration necessary in these early phases of planning.

She eased into the office chair, her eyes panning around the office. It was unusually quiet now with just her and Suzanne in the building. The rest of the team were out to lunch. She had been hungry and eagerly awaiting their return, along with the to go orders they were bringing back for her and Suzanne, but now her appetite had waned.

She set the coffee aside and opened her laptop. Her email account was already open and she clicked to start a new email. Her fingers stilled over the keyboard and her heart pounded in nervous, erratic beats.

Though she'd called the specialist the day John left, they had a six week waiting period for new patients. In the weeks that followed, her period had been late. Then had come the stupid home pregnancy tests. One negative, one positive, then she'd thrown the others away before tormenting herself further. Her appointment was scheduled for the following week, but she didn't need it, at least not to know if she was pregnant or not. It was late, but her period had just arrived and she couldn't seem to grasp for words.

Telling John through email seemed wrong, too impersonal, and her heart ached at the thought of him reading it alone. She remembered the disappointment in his eyes the last time the results had come up negative and a flare of anger sparked within her. After everything they'd endured, they seemed long overdue for their share of happiness and sometimes she wondered if they would ever get clear of the pain.

A tear slipped from her eye. She discretely tugged a tissue from her purse and dabbed when Suzanne was looking away. She'd have to leave after this, find some excuse. She stayed with Dave and Suzanne when she was in D.C. during the week, but it was Friday and she was heading back to Virginia. Traffic was reason enough to leave early. You're the boss, she thought, you can do whatever you want.

It wasn't the team she worried about, it was Suzanne. After working out her notice at her law firm, this had been her first full week working with the foundation. Very few things escaped her shrewd eyes and Elizabeth's need to abruptly tuck away from the world wouldn't go unnoticed. She would tell her friend, just not now. She just needed time to come to terms with this.

She glanced down, feeling a weight settle on her foot. Shadow had laid down in the floor beside her, resting his head on her foot. He peered up at her with those huge puppy eyes and his tail pounded the floor as he watched her. She smiled sadly at the pup, feeling as though he somehow sensed her sorrow. She reached down and scratched between his ears.

Snowfall and then life had gotten in the way of Blaze's sister's plans to adopt the puppy. Blaze had kept Shadow during Elizabeth's travels, but she'd picked him up again as soon as she returned. His sister was now planning a move to Virginia and adding a puppy to the chaos of moving hadn't seemed ideal. Elizabeth had been relieved to not have to relinquish the pup she adored. As far as she was concerned, Shadow had found his forever home with her.

As Shadow's feet and body rapidly grew, it became apparent he was going to be huge. While they'd initially thought he was a Shepherd mix, it was looking more and more like he was a full blooded German Shepherd. Elizabeth still found it hard to believe someone wouldn't have been looking for him, but no one had come forward. Blaze had helped her find a good training facility and, though he'd only been at it a few weeks, the puppy seemed intent on proving he would be the star pupil.

She patted Shadow's head, before turning back to the computer. She could do this, _had_ to do this. Maybe if she typed quickly…

 _I'm not_ _pregnant._

Her fingers froze and the muscles in her neck seized with tension. She couldn't send it like that, obviously she would say more, but how to better say those words.

"Elizabeth, I'm so sorry."

Elizabeth jerked, inadvertently hitting send on the email. Of course Suzanne was standing right over her shoulder. She'd been so deep in thought; she hadn't notice her friend approach.

"I'm sorry, I thought you heard me. I said I was coming to get Shadow's leash. I was going to take him for a quick walk."

Elizabeth fished the leash out of her bag. "That would be great. I still need a minute here, Suze."

Suzanne started to protest, but seemed to reconsider. "Okay, but I want to talk when I get back. Or when you are ready."

Elizabeth nodded and watched Suzanne hook the leash to Shadow's collar. He stood up, but seemed reluctant to leave.

"It's okay. Shadow, go."

She watched the pair make their way outside. On a normal day, she loved to watch Shadow in the snow. He still marveled in the newness of the experience. Each time he stepped into the snow, he picked up each foot individually as if trying to figure out what the heck this white stuff was. Then the fun began. They'd had a couple of good snowfalls already and the puppy loved to run and tumble into deeper drifts of snow.

As they moved out of sight, Elizabeth turned back to the keyboard. She knew the weekly data burst hadn't been sent, she could send another message to temper the harsh brevity of the one that had been sent inadvertently. The words came easier now that the band aid had been ripped away. A few minutes later, she was done. She always finished with the words I love you, though he never sent them in return. She pushed the thought away, like she always did, and sent the message.

She glanced at her watch and started gathering her things. She heard the swish of the door open and, even though her heart was heavy, she couldn't help but smile as her small team piled through the door, stomping the snow from their feet and shaking it from their hats and coats.

"Got your food, Dr. Weir." Aiden moved towards her with a large bag and bigger smile.

"You should call me Elizabeth, the others do."

"I know. It's just a hard habit to break, ma'am."

He could be surprisingly shy at times and his uncomfortable shuffling was endearing.

"Well, you can definitely lose the ma'am, now. I insist." Elizabeth smiled wryly at him.

"Yes, Dr….Elizabeth."

"That's better. Thanks for the food, it smells great."

No matter how wretched she felt, her spirits lifted every time she saw the young man, especially now that he was back in full health. Lt. Ford been found days away from death. As with most addictions, he'd needed more of the enzyme to maintain the high and, as time went on, he couldn't get enough to maintain the levels he'd needed to survive. His rag tag team of bandits had managed to contract Atlantis looking for help, not just for Ford, their own situation wasn't far off from being that dire. Aiden had been sent back to Earth and made an unexpected and improbable recovery. Looking at him now, you'd never guessed the horror he'd survived.

She'd visited as soon as he was back, though he'd been unconscious and didn't remember. But she kept visiting and as his recovery progressed, she'd offered him a job. On Atlantis, he'd proven to have great administration and organizational skills, plus he had an infectious personality that would bode well with their clientele. She'd been surprised at how quickly he'd accepted, but maybe she shouldn't have been. She, of all people, understood how overwhelming the thought of returning to Atlantis was once you'd been through that kind of ordeal.

Suzanne and Shadow returned, and Elizabeth decided to stay long enough to eat lunch while having the weekly wrap up with her team. While she and Suzanne picked at their food, the team took turns giving updates on their assigned projects and they laid out a framework for the next week's activities. When she finally turned to leave, Suzanne engulfed her in a quick hug.

She pulled away and look at Elizabeth carefully. "Are you sure you want to be alone now?"

"I think I need to be." Elizabeth sounded more confident than she felt.

"Okay. You coming back up on Sunday?" Suzanne asked.

"Monday, but I won't be in the office until the afternoon. Doctor's appointment." She reminded.

"I hadn't forgotten. I just wanted to make sure you were still planning to go." Suzanne eyed her carefully, probably already suspecting she'd skip the appointment.

She was already considering doing just that, but she wasn't about to tell Suzanne. Elizabeth reached down and secured the leash to Shadow's collar. Though she wasn't pregnant, she knew she needed to go. Maybe she could at least postpone the appointment until her disappointment faded. If it faded.

After a final hug, Elizabeth and Shadow made their way down to the parking garage behind the building. Once the snow had started falling in December, she hadn't been comfortable driving John's jeep anymore. It handled fine on the slick roads, but accidents happened, and she just never wanted to end up in a position of telling him she'd dented his beloved vehicle. Now, she looked at her new SUV and frowned. It had been purchased with a family in mind, though it's space wouldn't be wasted, especially with Shadow in tow.

Leaving D.C. on a Friday afternoon was always something of an experience, but she escaped the city with relative ease. She bypassed the major interstates in favor of country roads. With the snow dusting the forested hills around, she felt like she was driving through a fairy tale. The Virginia countryside may have lacked some of the castles she'd discovered during her travels abroad, but it still seemed magical that day.

It really was too beautiful of a day for bad news. It had hit her harder than she'd expected and she found that no amount of compartmentalization could temper the disappointment she felt. She knew all the tricks to rise above, find a positive mindset, and be grateful for what she had, but she didn't have the energy to bother. She just let the frustration and disappointment roll through her. It had been six weeks and her heart was still raw from John's departure. Today's news was like a fresh cut over healing, sensitive skin and it stung badly.

It seemed like only minutes later she was pulling into the garage. The rest of her drive had passed in one of those automatic pilot kind of ways and her heart skipped when she realized she didn't remember most of the journey. It had been foolish of her to drive in such a state, but when she left D.C. she thought she'd shake it off and be distracted by the beauty of a drive she normally enjoyed. It was probably dumb luck she arrived without hurting herself, or worse, someone else.

Cold pierced through her winter coat and she realized she was standing listlessly outside the garage. Shadow was bounding around in the drifts of snow and her eyes drifted down to the dock and the lake beyond. It was hard to believe it had just been six weeks since John had camped on that dock, six weeks since he'd held her in his arms.

She glanced up to the ridge line where they'd gotten the Christmas tree and a terrible ache gripped her heart. Most days, she was comforted by the memories they'd made at this estate, but there were times it hurt with a ferocity that took her breath away. Today had become one of those days.

The wind picked up and she glanced at her watch, her neck popping as she did a fierce double take. She'd gotten lost in her thoughts and had been standing there for a good ten minutes. It was no wonder her ears felt numb and her body shook from the cold. She called to Shadow and shut the garage door once he was back at her side. She quickly grabbed her bags and they made their way inside the lodge.

Snow fell away from her coat in clumps as she swiveled out of it. Shadow went tearing through the dining room towards the family room, his snow packed feet making him slide more than normal on the wooden floor. Even in her somber mood, it was hard not to smile with the furball running back and forth, still bouncing with the high of his snow play. He'd burn out soon enough, she thought, and made her way into the family room to turn on the fireplace. Shadow seemed to enjoy the fire as much as she did, though tonight, she needed more warmth than a mere fireplace could ever provide.

She wanted nothing more than to sit down and lose herself watching the flames of the fire, but there were a dozen things she should do. Unpack, wash clothes. She needed to call Blaze, too.

They were working together to turn his sanctuary into an official center for equine therapy. That project was ramping up quickly, mostly because the sanctuary already existed, though they were planning updates to the infrastructure. The best psychologist she knew had signed on and they would soon start the official process to get the center certified. Elizabeth had tapped Aiden to take lead on the jobs program, but he'd asked to take point on the equine therapy center, something that was close to his heart.

She'd consented because it was a good fit. He was retired military, fighting his own battles with PTSD, plus he already knew and respected Kate Heightmeyer. They would make a good team. Kate had been finishing a contract job for the military, but would be joining them full time in another week. Aiden, she still suspected, would be better off in D.C. or even in California once they opened offices there. She'd left the door open for him to change positions whenever he wanted. He was a young man and, as he continued to heal, she wasn't sure small town life would continue to carry the same appeal.

Heat radiating from the fire started to warm her skin, but she still felt an icy chill deep within her. She made her way into the kitchen, craving a steaming cup of real coffee, no more decaf for her. She sorted through the mail while it brewed, the rich aroma wafting enticingly through the kitchen. When it was done, she carried her bag and coffee mug to the couch.

It was an odd feeling to be home from work and be instantly comfortable. It was an anomaly in D.C. for an organization to operate on anything other than a strict business professional dress code, but the foundation was business casual. Would be, at any rate. In the start-up phases, they were adhering to the just avoid jeans with too many holes kind of dress code.

Instead of coming home that night to ditch a suit, which she hoped to never wear again, she simply unzipped her boots, toed them off, and settled into the couch. She had on her favorite jeans and a new cowl necked sweater that was sinfully soft against her skin. Unpacking and washing clothes could wait. She watched Shadow stretch out beside the fire and she finally started to relax a bit.

It felt good to be home. John's home, she reminded herself, though that fact had seemed less important each day. It hadn't felt right to purchase another home since he owned this one, but now that a baby wasn't going to be part of the picture, she wondered if she would continue to feel so comfortable staying on indefinitely.

She drew in a sip of coffee and eyed her bag. There was so much work to be done, but somehow she couldn't bring herself to reach for the bag to pull out her laptop. Her phone vibrated and she grabbed it from the side table. A text from Blaze.

 _Have the info ready to review. How about I bring dinner out? 7 pm?_

She'd taken a few cooking lessons with Helen in the past few weeks and, while she was growing more adept in the kitchen, it still wasn't something she really enjoyed doing.

 _Sounds great._ She replied.

It would force her to get some work done and keep her mind off…everything. Maybe Suzanne had been right, being alone wasn't the best idea right now. Otherwise, she'd probably just sit on the couch and stare lifelessly into the flames of the fire…something she'd done more than she'd cared to admit over the past weeks.

 _Later that night…_

Stacks of paper and an array of take-out boxes were scattered across the dining room table. Blaze came back from the kitchen with a fresh bottle of water for Elizabeth.

"Sure you don't want a beer? Glass of wine?" He asked as he handed over the water bottle.

"No, I'm fighting off a headache. Water is good." It was funny though, seems as though she would have jumped at the opportunity for a drink tonight after five weeks of abstinence, but it just didn't sound good. She'd never been a big drinker, but she'd always appreciated a nice glass of wine.

Blaze started straightening the stacks of paper. "There's a new gym in town, it has a yoga studio. Maybe you should take a class, I hear it's good for stress. It might help with your headaches; you seem to get them a lot."

She eyed him suspiciously. "You have three jobs, Blaze. When do you have time to take yoga?"

"I don't, though can you imagine if I tried? They'd probably kick me out." He laughed and settled back into his chair, before picking up his beer. "But the owner brought their dog to the clinic, that's how I found out. You should check it out, looks like a nice place. It's next to that grocery store you like." He pulled a business card out of his pocket and passed it over to her.

Elizabeth scanned the card, noting the owners name. "You got a little light in your eye, Blaze. There a possible romantic interest there?"

"Maybe." He shrugged casually.

Elizabeth drew her knees up to her chest and picked at the label on the water bottle. "Blaze, how did you get your name? I've always meant to ask, but it seemed kind of…rude, I guess."

He laughed again. "Yes, I guess we've spent enough time together that you're allowed to ask the hard questions. It's a funny story actually, in a twisted, too crazy to be real, but it was the south, so it made sense kind of way."

"What?" She was laughing now.

"My name is Blake. Was Blake, until I was five years old, anyway."

She still wasn't convinced he was telling the truth, but she'd play along. "And what happened when you were five?"

"I went to kindergarten. Low and behold, there it was on my birth certificate, plain as day. Blaze. My parents never noticed the misspelling."

"You're joking."

"You can't make this stuff up." His smile stretched wide.

"But your parents had it corrected, right?"

"I'm sure they meant to, but, you know. Farm life. Sun up to sun down. Besides that, it was on all my official paperwork at school, so all the teachers were already calling me Blaze. The kids thought it was cool, but no one thought it was cooler than me. At the time, my life aspiration was to be a fireman, I was five after all."

"So you became Blaze?" She wasn't sure if laughing was appropriate, but she couldn't seem to stop herself. "And a fireman."

"Always was Blaze, I guess. Just didn't know it."

"Wow." She sat back trying to digest.

"And my days in the fire department may be numbered. Like you said, three jobs. That kind of busy was a good thing for a long time." Blaze paused and drew in the last sip of his beer. "Hell, that kind of busy was a necessary thing for a long time, but I think I'm ready to see about getting myself a life again."

Elizabeth's laughter faded and she smiled warmly at Blaze. "You could start by finding better things to do on a Friday night. I wasn't even thinking when you sent the text, I shouldn't have taken your time tonight."

"We've done more talking and eating than working tonight. You'll get no complaints from me." He stood and started gathering the remnants of their meal. "Think I'll check on Max before I go. It's cold, but you can walk down with me if you want." He carried the empty cartons towards the kitchen.

"I want. And Shadow is always up for any excuse to see Max and to play in the snow." Remembering how cold she'd gotten earlier, Elizabeth stood and went to dig for her heavier snow boots and warmer outer wear.

It was beyond the days where she could throw on a scarf and consider herself dressed for cold weather. Blaze returned from the kitchen and watched with amusement as she pulled on her thick coat, hat, scarf, and gloves. He slipped on his thinner coat, tugged on his hat and he was ready. Men. She rolled her eyes. It didn't seem fair, they never seemed to get as cold as she did.

When they opened the door, Shadow joyfully bounded into the snow. Blaze and Elizabeth followed the well-worn path that had been stomped into the snow, but Shadow darted back and forth across the path, almost disappearing into drifts before reappearing crusted with snow.

The week after John left, a security company appeared like a swarm of locusts, installing a brand new state of the art system. As part of the updates, new exterior lighting had been installed all around the house, including a new well-lit path to the barn. Elizabeth had questioned Dave about the sudden need for security updates. His answer had been a single word. John.

The barn had gotten some updates as well. The fence and gates had been reinforced and, so far, Romeo hadn't managed to escape. And there was probably a better word for the building than barn, but that's all they'd ever called it. The structure was weather tight, insulated and heated. The horses were probably more comfortable than most people in their homes on chilly nights like this.

"Shadow." Elizabeth called as they neared the entrance.

The puppy instantly appeared at her side. They stepped inside and Shadow thundered away towards Max's stall.

"Let's bring Max out," Elizabeth said, as she stopped to visit Romeo.

Minutes later the colt and puppy were bouncing the open area inside the barn. Even Romeo seemed to approve of their playful antics.

"What movie did John say the names were from?" Blaze asked.

"The Princess Bride." She smiled.

"Well, Max suits him. Miracle Max will be a great show name too."

Joe didn't race her horses, but she did have a few that she took to local shows. She'd made a point of watching the Princess Bride and had been charmed by the quirky movie, ultimately adopting the name John had suggested for the colt.

She watched the littlest of the barn's creatures play, remembering the night Max had been born. It seemed like a lifetime ago when John had been here, when they'd first realized she could be pregnant.

"Hey, are you all right?"

"Hmm?" Elizabeth realized Blake had circled back beside her. "I'm fine. Just thinking."

"Were you making any strange noises while you were thinking?"

"What?" Her forehead crinkled

Blaze opened Romeo's stall. "I thought I heard a little mewling noise."

Romeo stomped and puffed, moving from side to side as if trying to keep Blaze from moving deeper into the stall.

"Elizabeth, a little help?"

She stepped inside and stroked the side of Romeo's neck. "What's going on, Romeo?"

"Well, will you look at that."

Blaze had maneuvered into the corner while Elizabeth distracted Romeo. There was a fluffy, tabby cat nestled into the corner and tiny balls of fur were all around her.

"Looks like five kittens." Blaze said. "Can't be more than a few days old."

"What? Kittens?"

She'd noticed the cat hanging around and had started leaving food out for it, but with all the big cat's fluffy coat, she'd never realized it was pregnant.

Shadow crept into the stall as if he somehow understood to be slow and quiet. The mother cat watched him, but didn't seem overly concerned. Shadow finally laid down beside the kittens, every now and then reaching out and giving one of them a healthy slurp with his polka dotted puppy tongue.

"I guess Romeo has found his Juliet." Blaze smiled. "I'll bring a box out tomorrow. We'll find a safer place to relocate them in the barn. Those kittens will be moving all over before you know it, we don't need Romeo accidentally stepping on them."

Elizabeth felt a surge of panic, wondering what John would think. He'd return and found she'd turned his home into a crazy wildlife menagerie.

"Don't worry." Blaze nudged the puppy and they all retreated out of the stall. "Kittens aren't common this time of the year. I'll help you find homes for them."

Blaze guided Max back into his stall and Elizabeth just shook her head, marveling at the scene around her. All these baby animals…while dreams of her own had been extinguished that night.

"You're looking a little pale. Let's get you back to the house. I've taken enough of your time tonight; I think you are overdue some rest."

"I'm fine." And she didn't want to be alone. "I think I might do some baking tonight, if you want to stick around. Otherwise I might eat the cookies all by myself."

"You had me at cookies." Blaze's hand fell to the small of her back and he steered her out of the barn. "You know I'm not useless in the kitchen either. Put me to work, I'll earn my keep."

 _Atlantis…_

"Welcome back, Col. Sheppard!" An all too chipper voice called from the control room above.

John waved and managed a half smile before trudging through the gate room and into the corridor beyond.

"Sheppard, what is with you?" McKay was hot on his heels. "And why are you waving at that new technician and being nice to her when you are being such a grouch to anyone else?"

"Do you even know who that was, Rodney?"

"No. Why should I? She was just one of two dozen new personnel that came back with us on the Daedalus."

"That's Dr. Gall's sister, her name is Dr. Ward." John glanced sideways at Rodney.

"Dr. Gall? Brenden Gall? The one that found the Lagrangian satellite?"

"Do you know any other Dr. Gall?"

"Dr. Ward?" Rodney repeated.

John understood his unasked question. "She's divorced."

"Oh. I didn't realize." Rodney fell silent for a minute. "Wait a minute, you know she's Brenden's sister and that's she's divorced? What did she do, tell you her life's story?"

She kind of had. He'd gone down for a cup of coffee one night, he never had slept well on the Daedalus, and she'd somewhat trapped him. She'd reminded him of Rodney in that once she'd started talking, there didn't seem to be anything he could do to make her stop. He'd just nodded politely for a few minutes before pretending to get called away on the radio. He wasn't going to tell Rodney that, though.

"You are a senior member of this expedition, you should make more of an effort to meet the crew." He glanced over at Rodney. "You should talk to her. You were the one with him when he…died."

"You're one to talk about how a senior member of the expedition should behave." Rodney seemed to remember his original complaint.

"What are you griping about, Rodney?" John was tired, dirty, and hungry, but he'd otherwise managed to escape the day unscathed. As the John Sheppard scale of irritability went, he couldn't have been hovering over a six, seven at most.

"You have been intolerable since you got back from leave," Rodney said.

It was a statement, not a question and John didn't bother to respond. It would only feed the beast and this wasn't something he wanted to get into tonight.

His quarters came into view and he heaved a sigh of relief. Escape, he thought, as he waved his hand over the control panel. Rodney, never one to take a hint, plowed in right behind him and John had to reevaluate his earlier rating. Probably more like an eight on his irritability scale. He plopped down at his desk and fixed McKay with a scathing glare.

"You were with Elizabeth. You said things went well." Rodney paused before him.

John shrugged.

"If it went so well, why are you being such a pain in the ass?"

"Rodney."

"Well, I'm sorry, but it's true. You were never quite yourself after Elizabeth left. I'd hoped after spending some decent time with her you'd come back…oh, I don't know, nicer?"

"I'm plenty nice."

"You're the opposite of nice. I haven't seen you act like this since you found out Teyla was pregnant and you didn't think she was taking care of herself."

"I'm surprised you weren't as upset with Teyla. What if that had been your sister and she was taking risks like that? If Elizabeth…" John felt his jaw clench. "Rodney, you need to leave."

"What do you mean _if_ Elizabeth? You said that as if…" Rodney paused and his forehead crinkled in concentration. "Are we talking about a mild probability she could be pregnant because most birth control has a three percent failure rate or are we talking a higher probability?"

John stared at Rodney for a long minute. While he'd enjoy every second of physically booting McKay from his quarters, now the thought had taken hold, Rodney would never let it go.

"Higher." John finally admitted.

"What?" Rodney's voice was more of a squeak. "How high? What's the effectiveness ratio of whatever you used?"

"Zero." He leaned back in his chair, letting his head fall back as his hand scrubbed the back of his neck.

He still couldn't believe he'd walked away from her and every day that passed, he felt like more of an ass. It was no wonder he was acting that way as well.

"Are you insane?" The pitch of McKay's voice crept even higher. "Did you talk to Elizabeth, is she planning to come back at any point?"

John turned his eyes back to Rodney. "It's a possibility."

"How possible, like fifty percent or-"

"McKay!"

"Why are you snapping at me? The second you set foot on the Daedalus you shouldn't have bothered with the hello. You could have led with oh, by the way, Elizabeth could be pregnant maybe you should start childproofing the city from a child who will most likely have the ATA gene!"

"I didn't have a chance to say hello." His irritation upped another notch. "If you remember, my feet hadn't fully hit the ground and you were already delivering the daily how screwed we are report."

"Let's see, you've been back seven weeks, that means…" Rodney tapped his finger to his chin. "The baby would be due in August. That's not much time to childproof the city, I don't even know where to start. Maybe…"

His participation didn't seem required for Rodney's ensuing mini-breakdown. John turned and opened his laptop, letting Rodney ramble uninterrupted. With any luck, the data burst would have completed hours ago and personal messages forwarded on to his email.

"I wonder if there is anything in the archives? It's not as if the ancients didn't have kids. Maybe the gene is stronger when you are younger. What if they have to learn to control it? It could be…" Rodney continued to prattle on, but John tuned him completely out.

Two messages from Elizabeth had come through. One was foundation stuff, he'd read that later. The next one had no title. His finger hesitated for a moment and he opened it up.

 _I'm not pregnant._

Not pregnant. He flipped back to his email to make sure he hadn't missed any other messages. Nothing. He opened the untitled email again. That kind of blunt message wasn't like Elizabeth and a wave of anger rolled through him. He hated this and, at times, hated himself for creating the situation. It was his fault she was in pain and he'd left her there to suffer through it alone.

He raked his fingers through his hair. The message was from last week and it would be another week before Atlantis would send the next data burst. That meant almost two weeks in between her finding out and her receiving a response from him. When he'd left Earth, he hadn't considered the delay in conversation because of the weekly data transmission between Atlantis and the SGC. It was making a difficult situation even more trying and it was frustrating as hell.

Woolsey had told them the IOA had finally given approval to rebuild the Midway space station. Bringing the Intergalactic Gate Bridge back online would improve their situation considerably, but it would take them almost a year to complete. He already knew he couldn't wait that long to see her again. After pushing, several senior members of the team had been granted leave again in three months. Three months seemed like an eternity to wait at that moment.

It was brutal knowing all he had to do was to step through the gate and he could be instantly back on Earth. He'd never felt so torn before. Military life had been simple in that aspect. There were always objectives, he'd always known what had to be done. Now, his commitments had him split across two galaxies. If forced to choose, he'd walk away from Atlantis, but he knew he'd lose part of himself in the process.

He glanced back to the email. He'd really thought this time…Shit. He leaned forward and stared down at his boots. Something was coiling just under his skin, a sensation he'd finally matured enough to recognize. If he didn't find a way to channel his emotions, inevitably, they'd come tearing out of him in a self-destructive manner.

He reached down and started unlacing his boots. He'd gotten well practiced at stuffing down his feelings over the past year. He might have gotten a little rusty in the past weeks, but he could already feel the darkness shadowing his heart, like a blanket, tucking away the disappointment. Soon the numbness would follow and he welcomed its return. The past weeks without her had been excruciating and he'd grown tired of feeling the pain.

"Are you even listening to me? Hey, what are you doing?" Rodney shielded his eyes. "Stop taking off your clothes."

John had forgotten he was there. He'd pulled off his boots and had started on the buttons of his shirt.

"I have a shirt on under this one. And didn't I already tell you to leave?" His voice was harsh.

"Why? We really need to talk about this."

He swiveled the laptop around so Rodney could see the email. "There's nothing to talk about." He stood up and moved to grab his running shoes and track pants.

"John, I'm sorry." Rodney looked thoughtful. "How about that, I actually am. I know I may have overreacted, but-"

"Rodney. Not now." John's hand washed down over his face.

"Okay, but…" Rodney's face crumpled as he started for the door. "I know I'm the last person people normally want to talk to, but I'm here. If you want."

"Thanks."

It was a stretch for Rodney and he appreciated the effort, but he didn't want sympathy or need friendship right now. Everything he really needed remained as it always had, elusive and just out of reach. He'd committed to a soldier's life long ago, maybe he'd been foolish to think he could have more.

~TBC

A/N: I know this was tough chapter, but you probably never expected their separation to be easy. I hope you'll trust me enough to hang with me. Special thanks to all of you who have taken the time to leave reviews. You are the best and your words keep me motivated to keep the chapters coming.

My story description has always noted this was to be AU after Lifeline, so hopefully the Kate inclusion wasn't too much of a curve ball, or even Aiden for that matter, but…it seemed like the right thing to do since I'm already taking so many AU liberties.

Should have the next chapter out within a week. Follow if you'd like alerts when it posts.


	18. Chapter 18

_May…_

It had never been easy to read mission reports after she'd left Atlantis. No amount of bracing could ever prepare her to read about the new scars John incurred, new surgeries he'd required, and all the other miscellaneous near death experiences, especially considering the initial reports were usually filed with just a brief notation of the injury. The medical team always updated the reports with more details, but it often took weeks for Elizabeth to receive them.

It had been easier when Carter had been on Atlantis. Without being asked, she'd always sent Elizabeth a personal message any time John had been injured. By the time Woolsey had taken over, Elizabeth had the distraction of the Middle East. There, a certain amount of horror was an unnatural part of daily existence, managing to make the events transpiring on Atlantis seem not so crazy in comparison. Now she had no buffer and no defenses since John was, once again, part of her life.

A month ago, she'd gotten the report on the gate explosion. The images her mind constructed haunted her nightmares for weeks. If John had been even a few feet closer to the blast…her heart still cringed at the thought. Not only had he been injured, that explosion had cost them a gate they could ill afford as they were working to put the Gate Bridge back together. Another setback in a project that still had months to go until completion.

She hadn't had a panic attack since John left, not until she'd read the featured report from last week's transmission. Her heart started racing as soon as she'd read about Michael planning to take Teyla's baby. The chill took hold after reading John had contemplated yet another suicide mission. The dizziness hit after she'd finished reading. Both John and Michael had been knocked off the side of Atlantis in the ensuing struggles. John had survived his fall and, just as thankfully, Michael had not. It had been 2:00 p.m. on a Saturday afternoon, and she'd gone to bed, pulled the covers over her head, and hadn't emerged until it had grown dark.

It was Saturday once again and the files had been forwarded from the last data burst, ready for her review. She was working in the library of John's estate where she'd set up a makeshift home office. While she'd spent a great deal of time in D.C. earlier in the year, she'd increasingly been working remotely. Though she didn't have any of her own things displayed in the room, the books and deep sofa gave the room a cozy feel and she enjoyed spending time here. Shadow liked the sunny patch under the bank of windows and he was stretched out there now, sound asleep while she worked.

After checking her email account for the hundredth time to make sure she hadn't missed any messages, she worked through the most recent batch of mission reports, saving the red flagged report for last this time. As soon as her eye spotted the name Kolya, she was glad she did. The Sekkari AI said John's mind had manifested his darkest fears and she ached at the torment he'd put himself through. While the report wasn't panic attack inducing, reading it filled still filled her veins with an icy fear. She remembered seeing the new hire personnel file come through on Dr. Kiang, a young and attractive botanist. She was willing to give John the benefit of the doubt as to his reasons for accompanying the science team to the mainland, for all she knew, the AI had been the driving force in that decision.

The only flaw to that reasoning was the staffing report included in her report bundle. John had been scheduled for two weeks of leave, but he'd turned it down at the last minute. Instead of reading mission reports, at that moment, she should have been nestled deep within his arms.

She snapped the laptop shut and rubbed her eyes. She needed to take a walk, get some fresh air, do something- anything- to distract her from this heart wrenching ache that had taken hold of her body.

Her cell phone vibrated against the mahogany desk. It started ringing as she picked it up, startling her, and she answered without glancing to see who had called.

"Hello?" Her voice cracked, rendering her greeting unintelligible. She cleared her throat and tried again. "Hello?"

"Put on your party boots, we're going out." Blaze's tone wasn't as enthusiastic as his words.

"What?" Elizabeth glanced at her watch. It was 6:30 p.m., the afternoon had flown by. "You don't sound very happy about going out."

"Brooke and Andy are making me. If I have to go, you do to." His laugh was genuine enough.

Brooke was his sister, the baby of the five Walker siblings and the only girl. She was petite with the same blue eyes and blondish brown hair that Blaze had. She'd just moved to Virginia in April and was staying with Blaze until she found her own place. She reminded Elizabeth of a younger, shorter version of Suzanne. She was a tiny dynamo with boundless energy and a stubborn streak a mile wide. Elizabeth had instantly been charmed and recruited her to work at the horse sanctuary for the foundation. Blaze needed an office manager and Brooke had needed a job. Besides the expected and incessant sibling bickering, it was working out better than she'd hoped.

After Brooke had met Andy, they'd quickly become partners in crime and Elizabeth had been on the receiving end of their determination more than once. If they wanted her to go out, she was going out. She wasn't sure she'd be good company, but tonight, she'd welcome any distraction that would help her push away thoughts of John and the pretty, young scientist.

"Okay, if food is involved, I'm in." She surprised herself by caving so easily. She _was_ hungry. "Want me to drive over to your place?" She gingerly rose to her feet, her muscles protesting after their hours of stillness.

"Nope, you might change your mind. I'll pick you up in thirty minutes."

Elizabeth's hand instantly reached for her hair. She'd showered and let her hair air dry that morning, but hadn't done anything else to make her presentable to the outside world.

"I need to get ready, that's not enough time." She needed to take Shadow out, too.

"I know you better than that, Elizabeth. You're not exactly the fussy type."

The phone went dead before she could protest. She could always have Blaze walk Shadow if she needed more time, and going out sounded a lot better than moping around the house and staring at her email as if a message would miraculously appear.

Her phone vibrated again, reminding her she had a text. She glanced down and saw it was from Brooke.

 _Sending Blaze to kidnap u. He might enjoy if u protest, so go willingly. :) C u soon._

Elizabeth shook her head and managed a small smile. Brooke was firmly part of a younger generation. When she'd first started texting, Elizabeth had no idea what the young woman was saying. It was a jumble of shorthand such as BTW, BRB, TYSM that left Elizabeth at a loss. Brooke quickly figured out she needed to spell real words if she wanted a response. She still shortened the obvious words, but at least Elizabeth could follow along now.

Shadow jumped to his feet when Elizabeth stood and pattered behind her as she moved into the bedroom. He might still be a puppy at heart, but he'd grown quickly, almost reaching her knees already. He plopped back down beside her as she opened her closet. She flicked on the closet light and frowned. Her wardrobe still wasn't very large and her options were limited. The winter weather had finally given way to spring and the air outside carried that fresh, clean scent of the world awakening around them. While the days were warming up, the nights could still turn quite cool, making dressing appropriately something of an art form. Finally, she reached for a casual, long sleeved dress and headed for the bathroom to get ready.

 _An hour later…_

They'd stepped through the doors of the restaurant to be greeted with the savory smell of the culinary delights being dished out that night. It was a new restaurant, it's interior an unusual mix of unfinished wood and corrugated metal giving it a modern, rugged feel. The room was softly lit from above, complemented by candles in mason jars on all the tables. It wasn't a large restaurant, though it did have a small dance area tucked back in the corner. The melody of an acoustic guitar carried through the space and the man singing had a voice better than most artists she heard on the radio.

In short order, the server had brought the drinks, taken their dinner order, and Brooke had tugged Andy away to the dance floor. Blaze was seated across from her, a pint glass of craft beer in his hand. Normally, he was most comfortable in his battered jeans and t-shirts, but Elizabeth had to admit he had cleaned up nicely. He had on a long sleeved button up shirt and a pair of nice jeans she'd never seen. He was eyeing her intently, taking full advantage of their time alone to pepper her with questions about John.

Months ago, she'd made the mistake of mentioning when John was scheduled for leave and Blaze hadn't forgotten. It wasn't just the leave. She hadn't received a single message since she'd told him she wasn't pregnant, something she'd also made the mistake of telling Blaze. She hadn't summoned the will to tell Suzanne or her mother and he was the only one who knew all she was suffering through.

"Maybe you should talk to someone else. Don't you know all the people he works with?" Blaze drew in a long sip of his beer.

"It wouldn't be fair to put them in the middle." She absentmindedly traced dewy lines on her glass of water, feeling the tension settle deeper into her shoulders.

She had sent a cryptic email to McKay. He was the only one she could trust with the know how to investigate, but his emotional IQ wasn't on par with his intellectual IQ, so if he'd even received the message, she wasn't sure he'd recognize what she was asking.

"But if you haven't heard from John…"

She took a deep breath. "I'll hear from him." It didn't sound convincing, even to her.

Blaze's attention shifted to something behind her. The smile faded from his face and his muscles tensed.

"Something wrong?"

"Someone is giving me a death glare." He said quietly, before standing up.

Elizabeth had only seen Blaze like this once before. It had been after dinner one night in D.C. and she'd bumped into a burly teen with a chip on his shoulder. She hadn't even recognized Blaze's anger at first, if you could even truly call it anger. It was more of a very polite way of disagreeing with the way someone was behaving, and he handled it with a carefully controlled, calm strength that was surprisingly effective.

"Something I can help you with?" His drawl was deceptively soft as he positioned himself between Elizabeth and a man she couldn't quite see.

Elizabeth stood up. She put a palm on Blake's arm to steady herself as she stretched up to peer over his shoulder. "Rodney?"

She drifted to the side, but Blaze put an arm back, keeping her firmly shielded behind him.

Rodney's eyes darted between her and Blaze and he shook his head, a flush of anger sweeping over his face. It was no wonder. She knew how it looked. A romantic setting, just her and Blaze at the table, a bottle of beer and a glass of wine sitting between them. Their heads had been tucked together while they spoke so they could hear through the music and voices that filled the room.

She glanced beyond Rodney and spotted Jennifer Keller. Jennifer was still working her way to the door, holding a to go box, seeming completely unaware Rodney had frozen in his tracks.

Rodney turned and stormed away without a word. Elizabeth pushed past Blaze, trying to keep up as Rodney delved through the crowd towards the door.

"Rodney, wait." She called, as he neared the door.

Jennifer started to turn around, but McKay grabbed her by the shoulders, steering her firmly forward.

"Rodney, what are you doing?" Jennifer's voice floated back.

Elizabeth couldn't tell if had been irritation or surprise in Jennifer's tone, but either way, she didn't seem thrilled.

The host was seating a large group of people and Elizabeth stood helplessly watching Rodney and Jennifer disappear outside as a herd of people blocked her path.

She made it through the door just as he was shoving Jennifer in the passenger side of the car.

"Rodney!" She tumbled on the top step and strong arms swept around her, holding her upright. Her heart was pounding. She shouldn't have been so careless; she'd come within an inch of tumbling down a small flight of stairs.

"Careful, you." Blaze made sure she was on solid footing before he released her. "I can't chase you all the time and you are in no condition to be taking that kind of fall."

Elizabeth's hands roamed over her expanding stomach. Five months, she could still hardly believe it. She'd come so close to cancelling that appointment with the specialist, but in the end she'd made herself go. The doctor said spotting wasn't abnormal in early pregnancy, but Elizabeth hadn't been easily convinced with the test results. She hadn't believed it until the doctor had done the ultrasound. The heartbeat had been so strong…

Tears threatened her eyes. Whatever was going on that was keeping John from communicating with her, this wasn't going to help. She'd no doubt Rodney would relay everything he'd seen and misinterpreted.

She had been truthful with Blaze earlier. It wasn't easy, but she trusted John, trusted in their love. Deep inside, she was holding tight to her belief that the lack of communication wasn't intentional. Something else was at play here and her hands were tied, there was little she could do to investigate without raising red flags and with all the wrong people. While she knew staying on as a consultant would clear them to have a relationship, getting the IOA to commit to rebuilding Midway had required her to commit to her previous role. It had been a verbal commitment, and one she didn't plan to keep, but she had to play the part until the Gate Bridge was back online.

What worried her the most was that if something was going on, if someone was tampering with their messages, would John extend that same trust to her? Her gut feeling told her no and that hurt more than their lack of communication.

"So…Rodney. A friend of John's? Just taking a wild guess based on the way he looked at me."

Elizabeth nodded, staring in the direction Rodney's car had disappeared in.

"Well, what's the worst thing that could happen at this point? Maybe he'll get mad enough to actually get in touch with you." Blaze opened the door and steered her back towards the table. "Come on, let's get you back inside."

It would confirm John's suspicions, that's the worst thing that could happen. Would happen. Again, she was taking a leap of faith and trusting her heart and assuming he'd been trying to contact her. If he wasn't getting messages from her and Rodney told him about this…it would be the last straw. He'd believe the worst and she really wasn't sure how to process that. From the very start, John had struggled to trust her and in many ways she wasn't entirely sure he still did.

"It's been months since you heard from him, Elizabeth." Blaze pulled out Elizabeth's chair before circling back to his own. "Speaking of which, when are you going to tell your mother? Dave and Suzanne, too. You can't keep pretending to be out of town every time they visit."

"If it bothers you, I can stay somewhere else when Suzanne and Dave are in town."

"You can stay at my place whenever you want, it's not about that. You know that." Blaze paused. "It's just- this isn't right. You shouldn't be alone."

"I'm not alone. I have you. Andy and Brooke." Elizabeth had grown as close to them as she had to Blaze. "Aiden and Kate are here, I have people."

"You need family. Plus, you're going to have to go to the D.C. office at some point."

"I know." She rubbed her head and looked longingly at the glass of wine beside her.

She'd been spending chunks of time in California, setting up offices and establishing the framework for services there. She hadn't been to D.C. in the past two months and since then her stomach had protruded noticeably. She'd been checking in via video conference, but she knew Blaze was right, she couldn't hide this forever.

Brooke and Andy made their way back from the dance floor. Brooke looked like a tiny pixie compared to Andy. He was well over six feet tall and had a solid muscular frame. His brown eyes were sparkling as he pulled out Brooke's chair. Locks of his dark, curly hair tumbled across his face, and he swept it aside as he sat down and shot a wink across the table. He was the same age as her and Blaze, but his flirtatious personality made him seem much younger at times.

Brooke was grinning like crazy as she plopped down. "That was the most fun, I can't remember the last time I danced. Elizabeth, you should get out there." She picked up her water and gulped some sips down. "Blaze, dance with her."

"Don't expect to see me out there." Elizabeth shook her head. "Dancing to that music requires a coordination I don't have; I almost fell just from walking."

"How are your headaches lately? Yoga class helping you at all?" Andy reached for his glass of wine.

"They don't seem to be quite so bad. And I'm enjoying the classes, I just wish I could attend more often. It's been hard with my schedule; I've been traveling so much."

"I'm sure you can find online classes- hey, listen to that." Andy nodded towards the dance floor. The music had shifted to a slower melody. "Think you're gonna get that dance after all, Elizabeth."

Blaze stood and extended his hand. "Come on, you know these two. They'll just keep at us until they get their way."

Elizabeth's eyes panned between Brooke and Andy. "All right." She conceded, taking Blaze's hand.

It only took them a moment to join the crowd of couples in the small dance area.

"I hope you didn't mind." Blaze's voice was soft as his hand swept around her waist. He grasped her hand and they started swaying gently to the music. The dance floor was crowded, there wasn't any room to do anything else.

"I didn't mind. I'd rather dance than listen to them pester me about not dancing." The corners of her lips twitched.

"Well, I promise to be a gentleman. Kind of have to be, your stomach keeps me from getting too close." He peered at her mischievously.

"You did not just say that." But she couldn't stop the smile from spreading across her face. "And my stomach isn't that big yet."

"I know, I just like aggravating you. You're pretty damn cute when you let your belly show. With that dress on, you can hardly tell you're even pregnant."

"So, I'm not cute now?" She arched a brow towards him.

"You're always adorable and you know it."

Elizabeth had grown fond of casual dresses as her stomach had expanded. This dress would only last a few more weeks at the rate her stomach had started swelling. She'd put off shopping for maternity clothes, just as she'd put off setting up a nursery. She'd been almost numb from John's lack of contact and things that should have been fun parts of pregnancy were just a painful reminder that something was terribly wrong.

"Since John didn't take leave, you are free tomorrow, right?"

Elizabeth eyed him skeptically. "Maybe. That depends on why you're asking."

"We were talking earlier about your dwindling wardrobe and lack of baby supplies. Brooke thinks we should kidnap you again tomorrow and take you shopping.

"Shopping? No way. I'm not up for D.C. right now."

Blaze laughed and shook his head. "There are other cities besides D.C. Andy was thinking Fredericksburg, it's only twenty minutes away."

Elizabeth frowned and glanced down at her stomach. Most of her jeans were low rise and hit below her belly, but she was about a week or two away from outgrowing all the tops and dresses in her wardrobe. She needed to go shopping desperately, but she wasn't looking forward to it.

"They've got a bakery there Andy swears by." Blaze smiled.

She rolled her eyes. "Sold. Maybe you should have lead with the part about the bakery."

His smile faded after a moment and his expression turned serious. Blaze cupped her chin, drawing her eyes up to meet his. "You can't hide this from Suzanne forever."

She hesitated. "The first thing she and Dave will ask is how John reacted. How do I tell them I don't know, because I haven't heard from him?" Her voice wavered.

Blaze's lips pressed together and his jaw clenched. He hid it well, but Elizabeth knew he was beyond pissed at John's lack of communication.

"Come here." He pulled her against his chest. "We'll figure this out."

They continued swaying gently and Elizabeth relaxed against him as the heat of his body seeped into her own.

"But tell that baby of yours not to kick me. I have good intentions here." Blaze's voice drawled softly against her ear.

A small smile crept across her face. "I'll see what I can do."

 _Weeks later, Atlantis …_

John slammed his book shut and jerked up to a seated position. Rodney took a step back, silently cursing himself for not thinking this through. He should have brought Ronon to put between them, better yet, a team of marines.

"What do you mean you tried to visit Elizabeth?" John shifted, allowing his legs to fall off the side of bed and his boots hit the floor with a thud. He tossed the book to the side and shifted his weight forward, his hands tightly grasping his knees.

"Well, I still had the private jet from the physics presentation." Rodney took a deep breath. His apprehension suddenly gave way to irritation at his friend's thick headedness. "Something doesn't seem right about this thing with you and Elizabeth. Since you were too busy licking your wounds to go back to Earth to deal with it, I thought somebody needed to."

"Careful, Rodney." John's eyes narrowed. "This thing with Jennifer is giving you entirely too much confidence."

John's warning didn't go unnoticed, but Rodney decided to press on anyway.

"Don't you want to know-"

"I haven't gotten a single message since she told me she wasn't…pregnant. You know that." John dropped his voice even though they were alone in his quarters. "It seemed pretty clear my company wouldn't be welcome. You had no right-"

"But, she said something and I, and I-"

"You spoke to her? I thought you said you _tried_ to visit."

"I was on my way to see her, but I was hungry, so Jennifer and I stopped for dinner on our way. The restaurant was just twenty minutes away from your house and…" Rodney felt suddenly uncomfortable. This was harder than he'd imagined.

"You opened this can of worms, Rodney. Out with it." He fixed Rodney with a hard penetrating gaze.

He fought his urge to squirm and squared his shoulders. "I saw Elizabeth at the restaurant as we were leaving. She, um, well-"

"She wasn't alone." It wasn't a question.

"No." Rodney took another step back, just for good measure.

John jumped to his feet, a look crossing his face that Rodney was all too familiar with. He was fighting an overwhelming urge to punch something, anything. Jennifer had cautioned him about confronting John like this. Maybe he should have just said Elizabeth was at dinner with her mother, because the whole dinner with another man thing was obviously going to overshadow the real reason he'd come here tonight.

He turned his eyes back to Rodney. "Guy kind of look like Col. Mitchell?"

Rodney startled at that. "Maybe a little more blond, but…yes. He kind of sounds like him too. How'd you know?"

John just glared.

"Right. Doesn't matter. Anyway- I kind of, well, to be honest," he stuttered, "I was a little angry to find her having dinner with another man and I left. She saw me and called for me to stop, but I never looked back. She tried to call a couple of times too, but I didn't answer the phone."

John raked his fingers through his hair in frustration. "Does this story have a point other than to piss me off?"

"Yes." He held up a finger. "Getting to that. She sent me a text before I left."

John's arms crossed and his jaw clenched. He waited silently for Rodney to continue.

"She said she hadn't received any messages from you since January and asked if you were okay."

"That's bullshit. I sent her one with every transmission." John's finger jabbed at the air. "Every data burst for the first four months anyway. After that I took the hint."

"And I overheard them in the restaurant, they were talking about her not hearing from you."

"Rodney, I don't want to talk about this anymore." John muttered something about sparring as he tugged out his running shoes.

If Rodney hadn't of been so shocked and angry to find Elizabeth with the other man, he could have asked her about the messages, he _should_ have asked her. Nothing that was going on with his friends seemed in character and for him, of all people, to have picked up on it, that had to mean something.

"John, you already wasted last year without Elizabeth because you pushed her away. You completely shut her out until she had no choice but to leave Atlantis."

"One date with Keller hardly makes you a relationship expert. And Elizabeth didn't just leave because of me."

"Maybe not, but you were part of it and you were the only one in a position to convince her to stay, but you couldn't be bothered to even talk to her. And maybe one date doesn't make me an expert, but I'm not blind and it's hard to overlook the obvious." Heat flooded his face and his words were tumbling out way too fast. "You hold everyone at arm's length. Elizabeth is the only one who has gotten close and you push her away each time you think you might get hurt. Since day one, she trusted you when nobody else would give you a second glance and you've never trusted her in return."

"You just said you were angry when you saw her in the restaurant. Now you're her biggest fan?"

John's sardonic tone grated his nerves.

"Well, I was upset, but the more I think about it, none of this is logical. It's not in character for her. What you should consider is that it is very typical of you." Rodney paused, trying to let his point sink in. "And if she hasn't been getting messages from you, well, I can only imagine what she must think, and yet… she told that guy she would hear from you. She believes in you despite whatever's going on."

"Rodney." He snapped. "Not…another…word." John turned away, his hands clasped behind his neck.

Rodney could feel his blood pressure spiking. As Jennifer had predicted, things had snowballed from bad to worse. It probably didn't help that Sheppard could be just as bad at the personal stuff as he was. Maybe he should have sent Teyla to talk to John. All he knew was that none this was logical and that was just about as infuriating to him as John's deteriorating attitude.

"Fine." Rodney spun on his heel and waved his hand over the control panel to open the door. "I don't have anything left to say to you anyway."

But he did have an overdue apology to send to Elizabeth. With any luck, maybe she'd respond and he could finally figure out what the hell was going on.

~TBC

A/N: Wow, you guys were all over my pregnancy tease in the last chapter with the mixed signs… and you called it correctly. So, yes- BABY! I know the rest of the chapter was tough, but again, hang with me. Thanks for continuing to follow and for taking the time to leave feedback. Those reviews keep me motivated to keep the chapters coming. Should have the next one out in another week…


	19. Chapter 19

_July…_

Rodney tapped absentmindedly at his keyboard, wishing he could focus. He was supposed to be working on improving the efficiency, of well, everything, but something in Elizabeth's email had popped back into his head and now he couldn't shake the thought away. She'd mentioned Cadman in both of the emails he'd received from her in the past couple months. As normal, whenever Cadman's name was dropped, his brain went on auto-pilot, instantly working to permanently banish all traces from his mind. Today, the mere memory of Cadman was as irritating as he found the real-life version. No matter what he did, thoughts of her stubbornly refused to be pushed away.

Stupid email, he thought again, pushing the stool away from the work desk in his lab. He'd known better than to open the message first thing that morning, but he never knew if Elizabeth's correspondence was personal or professional, and the IOA was something even he couldn't be careless enough to completely ignore. Just like the previous email Elizabeth had sent, he'd quickly skimmed through it. Thinking back, all he could remember was hello, goodbye, a bunch of gibberish in between, and the question that was haunting him now. It didn't make sense, not really. It had been jumbled in with some inquiries about varying team members, but this one was more specific. Just like the last email, it wasn't, have you heard from Cadman, but "Remember when Cadman helped us with those Wraith Cruisers?"

It bothered him the more he thought about it. Something, some memory was nagging…it was so close, but he couldn't figure it out. He glanced at his watch. It was a bit early, but still a perfectly acceptable time for dinner. The mess hall was kind of far away, so he scanned the room, looking for remnants of his lunch or someone else's snack. Unfortunately, the room was painstakingly tidy. Someone must have straightened up when he was knee deep in algorithms, but he hadn't even realized anyone had been there. He finally pushed away from the table in frustration. The hike to the mess hall it was. With any luck, after he ate, he'd either forget the question or figure out what bothered him about it in the first place.

He was shoveling food in his mouth and scrolling through reports on his tablet when John plopped down in front of him with a cup of coffee. While Rodney hadn't entirely forgiven John for being an ass about whatever what going on with him and Elizabeth, they'd put their argument, if you can even call it that, behind them the manly way by essentially pretending the conversation had never happened. In a way, it was what they did best. Argue, save the world, eat jello. It was a comfortable and familiar cycle to them

They'd never spoken about Elizabeth again. A new crisis had arisen each day since that conversation with John, driving his focus towards survival and away from his friend's love life. Not only that, there hadn't actually been anything to talk about. Rodney hadn't received a message from Elizabeth until a month after he'd sent an apology. Her response had been odd, to say the least, and she hadn't answered any of his questions. Her email had been a strange mixture of a chit chat not in character for her, along with a smattering of questions about the crew.

"Not eating?" He mumbled towards John through a mouthful of food.

"Not hungry."

"Oh. Well, what are you doing here then?" Rodney looked over to him.

"I've been thinking." John looked uneasy as his thumb trailed along the rim of his mug.

"That only gets us in trouble, maybe you should eat something instead." Rodney glanced up and really looked at John. There were deep shadows under his eyes and at least two days of growth on his face. "You look like hell."

John's expression darkened and he shoved away from the table.

"Wait. Wait." Rodney paused until John had sat back down. "I'll bite, what have you been thinking about?"

It took him a moment to respond. "This thing with Elizabeth." He'd more mouthed than spoken Elizabeth's name.

His conversation with John had been months ago, it was odd for him to remember it at the same time John wanted to talk about Elizabeth, not to mention the timing coinciding with the recent email from her.

Oh, hell. Understanding finally crashed against his mind. He could have smacked himself on the forehead for being so oblivious.

"Of course. That's it." He jumped to his feet and grabbed his tablet. It was a good thing he'd eaten. Obviously, his blood sugar had been low. He'd probably been borderline delirious, otherwise he would have seen this long ago.

John leaned back from the table and threw up his hands. "What's it? I didn't say anything."

He looked back at John. He hated to ask, but he needed to be sure. "You really did send her messages, right?"

John glanced from side the side before responding. "For the first four months I did." His voice was barely audible over the din of the room.

"Okay, I'm on it. I've got to go. You can have my jello if you want."

"What exactly are you on?" John shot him the look normally reserved for when Rodney had been mainlining caffeine and hadn't slept in days.

"The problem, Sheppard. Nothing narcotic." He hesitated a second. This wouldn't be a quick investigation and he didn't want John glowering over his shoulder for the next few weeks. "If it pans out, I'll tell you. If not, well, you can just keep embracing your ever present inner grouch."

"What problem? And if you're giving up your jello, maybe you should make the infirmary your next stop." John's voice followed him as he walked away. "That's not normal, Rodney."

John was right and he was already regretting leaving the jello behind, but he wasn't going back. He liked the blue jello best anyway, and they'd exhausted their supply days before when the U.S. crew and military personnel put together a small Independence Day celebration.

The good news was, he knew what Elizabeth meant, though he didn't have the time to dig through the com logs to figure out if she was right or not. That meant he needed to reach out to the one person he tried to avoid the most, well, after Kavanagh, anyway. If he was right, John was sooo going to owe him for this.

~v~v~v~v~v~v~v

 _Weeks later-_

"Atlantis has only been off the coast of San Francisco a few hours and the decision has already been made?" Carter reached the end of the table, pivoted, and strode back in the other direction.

Carter had been pacing since she'd joined Elizabeth in the meeting room. After what they'd just been through, Elizabeth understood why. She'd probably been pacing as well if she hadn't been eight months pregnant and exhausted.

Elizabeth had arrived in Colorado Springs days before, catching a lift out of D.C. on a private plane with Major Davis of Homeworld Command. Since then, they'd been working night and day doing what little they could to prepare for the arrival of the Wraith hive. Last night, she'd gone to bed just after midnight and had returned to the SGC at 6 a.m. That had been the most sleep she'd had in days.

Carolyn Lam popped in intermittently, checking her vitals and scolding her about rest and nutrition. Elizabeth always protested, but she was grateful for Carolyn's watchful eye. She knew her doctor back in D.C. would have a fit if she'd known what Elizabeth had been through the past few days; she'd threatened her with bed rest once before. And that afternoon had been impossibly demanding. She'd pushed herself to the limit, somehow staying upright while John's fate and that of the world unfolded around them.

She rubbed her eyes and remembered Sam had asked a question. "We have to move fast, before the IOA falls under too much pressure from the individual governments. If the IOA does eventually push back, don't expect to see our government backing down. Since it's in U.S. waters, it will be easily enough to make it look like Atlantis has gone, even if it hasn't. We're not above playing that card if things come to a head before Atlantis is flight ready."

"Break with the IOA?"

Elizabeth shrugged. "I honestly don't think it will ever come to that. They make a lot of noise, but at the end of the day, the IOA just needs a big target to point a finger at."

Sam paused and looked at her for a long minute. "Landry told me you had authority with this project, but exactly who are you working for Elizabeth? That is about as far away from the IOA party line as it gets."

She smiled wryly. "I can happily say I'm parting ways with the IOA. O'Neill approached me a month ago with an interesting proposition. I'm just consulting now, I have to until…I can reach a resolution with something else in my life. But eventually, if I want, they'll officially bring me under the umbrella of Homeworld Command." She still didn't think she wanted to return full time in any capacity, she was enjoying her work with the foundation, but it was nice to have the option available if she changed her mind.

"Wow." Sam nodded, seeming strangely satisfied with her answer. "I have to say, I always wondered about how you managed to work for the IOA after all the pressure they'd exerted while you were in command of Atlantis."

"They were the first to try to keep me in the loop. In hindsight, I can see O'Neill was just trying to give me time to recover, but I honestly thought they were pushing me out of the program when I came back to Earth."

"So Atlantis is going back." Sam started pacing again.

Elizabeth leaned forward on the table, resting her weight on her elbows. "The IOA doesn't want Atlantis staying in U.S. waters, but can't come to a consensus on where they'd be comfortable having it besides Pegasus. While the president and the military want to keep it here for obvious reasons, I've made a case for the inherent risk in not sending it back and, for the moment, they grudgingly agree. The other ships should be repaired when Atlantis is, Earth won't be left defenseless."

Carter spun back around and headed back in Elizabeth's direction. "A lot of people won't be happy with the decision or the fact it was made this quickly."

"I'm sure there's a long line of people already fighting to keep it here and for all the wrong reasons. But it's going back. The top priority is getting it flight ready and safely back to Pegasus before someone changes their mind." Elizabeth saw Carter's expression soften and recognized she shared the same concern.

"I know and I happen to agree, but it's going to take some time." Sam sighed. "We don't even have a complete report of damage or initial estimate for repair time."

Elizabeth closed her notebook. "Speaking of repairs, I know the Gate Bridge is almost finished. We can't pull the team dedicated to that project to help with Atlantis. The Gate Bridge must be completed when Atlantis ready to leave. I need to be able to get back and forth, and a three-week journey on the Daedalus isn't going to be an option."

Elizabeth winced as the baby stretched within her, catching both her ribs and bladder with a sharp jab. She reached down and rubbed her stomach, wishing she could somehow soothe her child. Her heart rate had been elevated for the better part of the day, it was no wonder the baby was so active.

"I can guess why that's so important. John's the father, isn't he?" Sam cast her eyes back towards Elizabeth. "I'm guessing otherwise, you'd officially be a Homeworld Command employee by now instead of a consultant."

Elizabeth had noticed the way Sam's eyes softened and her voice lowered when she spoke of Jack. She suspected Sam understood the situation all too well. It would also explain Jack's behavior. He'd dropped some interesting comments and made her aware of a loophole that could considerably improve her situation with John. That was, of course, assuming there was still a relationship that needed protecting.

"I hope you know by now that you can trust me." Sam's voice was earnest. "I've always had your back with this. Yours and John's."

Elizabeth hesitated a moment before finally nodding confirmation. "Is he here?"

"He gated back to Atlantis from the alpha site, but he's due here at any moment. He and Woolsey are coming via jumper for a briefing. As you can imagine, they are anxious to hear what's been decided."

"Let Woolsey know I'll be heading to Atlantis next week. Just for the day, I want a firsthand look at the damage and I want to talk to the crew. I imagine they are all a little rattled after the day's events." She should talk to O'Neill to see if she could get approval for a jumper to pick her up, there was plenty of room at John's estate for it to land.

"Will do." Carter tapped something in her tablet. "And it sounds like the crew is still a little punch drunk to be honest, but I'm sure when the adrenaline fades some of them won't be in a good place. It will be good for them to see you."

"Is McKay coming with them today?" Elizabeth had hoped to speak with him before she left Colorado Springs.

Sam perked at her question. "No, but odd that you asked about him. We've had some other developments that I need to tell you about, if you're up for more news."

Elizabeth couldn't imagine hearing anything that could top the trials they'd already endured that day. Carter and Davis had managed battle ops from the briefing room, turned war room. Elizabeth monitored live feed of the war room from this meeting room which was two levels up. She'd also been tapped into a secure video conference with Landry and O'Neill on one monitor and, once the president learned she was at the SGC, the President and Secretary of Defense on another.

It had never been so grueling to watch from the sidelines. She hadn't experienced anything so difficult since watching John be tortured by the Wraith. Her world had momentarily gone dark when John almost crashed his F-302 in the desert. Then he'd flown onto the damn hive ship. She'd been distraught, lovesick, bone tired and hugely pregnant, and yet she'd somehow managed to stay on her feet and converse intelligibly with some of the most powerful men on the planet. Maybe Suzanne was right. There must be a little bit of badass in there somewhere, she'd never survived the day without managing to tap into a little of that strength.

It was a strength she'd continued to lean on as the day stretched on. As soon as Atlantis had splashed down, Elizabeth became embroiled in a brand new battle over the fate of Atlantis. At least that was a battle she'd won, for the time being anyway.

"What has McKay found?" Elizabeth reached up, tracing her finger around the locket John had given her.

"It involves you actually. He discovered communications have been tampered with since January, shortly after the arrival of a new technician. Her name is Dr. Ward."

"Kara Ward?" Elizabeth picked up her water. She didn't sip, she just held it while staring vacantly across the room.

"She was a recent hire, I didn't realize you knew her."

"We've met." She remembered Kara Ward. Another young and attractive scientist. She had an impressive resume, holding advanced degrees in both engineering and physics, if she remembered correctly. The glass of water in her hand started to shake.

"Elizabeth? Should I get Carolyn?"

"No." She set the water aside and blinked to focus on Sam. "Just tell me. What was the extent of the damage?"

"One of Dr. Ward's duties was managing the weekly data bursts and forwarding reports as well as personnel messages. Her malicious behavior seemed to impact mostly you and John. We found a couple of emails that had been deleted between you and McKay as well. We're combing back through everything and double checking for other deletion points." Sam continued. "I haven't had a chance to question her yet. Rodney thought maybe she'd acted out of a misdirected sense of retribution, her brother was Dr. Gall."

Sam's news was the last thing she'd expected to hear at that moment and, after everything they'd been through that day, she was completely raw and unprepared to take it all in. Her head dropped into her hands and she fought to compose herself as an overwhelming mix of relief, anger and heartache ripped through her.

Thank god Sam had been the one to take point on this with Rodney. She shuddered to think if Landry had been here when that news had come through. It would have been glaringly apparent they were in a relationship. She looked down at her prominent stomach and sighed. Really, it didn't matter anymore. O'Neill had all but given his stamp of approval and the military couldn't touch John, this had happened after she'd left her position. Soon enough, everyone would know the truth anyway.

"Elizabeth, are you sure you're okay?" Sam's voice cut through the static crackling deep within her ears.

"I'm okay." Elizabeth pulled her head out of her hands and tilted her head towards Sam. "I remember Brenden Gall. I remember his sister too, I passed over Kara's application for Atlantis more than once. She probably wasn't very fond of me either." There was something she hadn't been able to put her finger on, but she'd walked away feeling uneasy after the interview.

She almost hated to admit it, but she'd harbored suspicions Caldwell was somehow responsible. it wasn't a stretch to imagine him trying to sabotage their relationship, especially after everything had already transpired between him and John. It was one of those times she was happy to be wrong.

"I'm not sure she was acting out of anger." Sam looked hesitant. "After talking to Rodney again, some of her behavior leads me to believe she had developed a not so healthy affection for John. I can't imagine why else she would predominantly target communication between the two of you."

Anyone who'd torture John in such a manner couldn't proclaim to hold any affection. Dr. Ward's actions had been unconscionable.

"Are any of the emails recoverable?"

"They don't appear to be. We just have the date of each deletion point. She blocked every communication between you and John since January." Carter frowned. "I really wish you would have reached out to me. I could have helped you sooner."

Something held her back from asking the date of the last message John had tried to send. She had a feeling she was better off not knowing.

"I didn't want to put anyone in the middle of a tricky situation." She finally answered.

Carter settled into the chair beside Elizabeth. "Does John know about the baby?" Her voice was soft.

"If he stopped receiving messages at the same time I did…then he doesn't." She could hardly grasp the reality of this all. So much time they'd been robbed of, so many moments they'd never recover.

Sam reached out and squeezed Elizabeth's shoulder. "I'm sorry. I can't imagine how hard this has been for you. I-"

The sound of the door screeching open had them both snapping their necks back to see who'd entered.

John strode in and her heart jerked at the sight of him. It took every ounce of willpower she had to fight the urge to run to him. After all he'd been through that day, it was a miracle he'd survived. She wanted nothing more than to feel him in her arms, feel the reassuring beat of his heart and to hold the proof he was truly alive.

The table concealed her swollen stomach, but she suddenly felt exposed under the force of his glare.

"You flew a nuke onto the hive ship." The words flew out of her mouth before she gave them conscious thought.

"I had to and you know it." His eyes were cold. "Besides, other people had more waiting at home than I did."

He didn't know, she realized, and she couldn't summon a single word to tell him. He pinned her with a scathing glare and she was too shocked by his anger to look away. Maybe she should have been better prepared for this type of response, but after the flood of relief in finding out someone else was responsible for the absence of communication, it was whiplash to get jerked back to John's reality. Not only that, pregnancy hormones were wreaking havoc and she couldn't control her emotions any more than she could buffer herself from the pain of his reaction. A tear streaked hot down her face and he finally ripped his eyes away.

"Carter, I'm taking the jumper back to Atlantis. Let me know if anyone else needs a ride back, I'm leaving in five." He spun on his heel and bolted for the door.

Elizabeth darted out of her chair with a speed she hadn't managed in months. "John, wait."

He ducked through the doorway without looking back, his hand smacked the back of the door slamming it shut with a thud.

"I can have someone bring him back." Sam stood up beside her. "He doesn't know about the emails yet. Cadman figured it out last week, but they've been double checking everything to make sure. I didn't want to tell John before he went into battle."

That Elizabeth understood and agreed with. She'd asked to keep her presence withheld from him, she'd told Carter and Davis she didn't want to be a distraction. She'd selected the meeting room two levels up just to ensure John didn't inadvertently run into her. He needed every ounce of concentration for the mission at hand, she couldn't afford to divert his focus to the mess that was their personal life.

"Cadman assisted?" Had she heard Sam right?

Sam nodded confirmation.

So Rodney had contacted Cadman, he'd figured out Elizabeth's email after all. She could only imagine the look on his face when he'd reached out to Laura for help. That hadn't been what she intended. She'd just wanted to get the thought of deletion points in his brain, thinking between that and her text message, he'd figure it out from there. Though she was glad he had reached out to someone for help, not only because they'd figured it out, but also because with things constantly in crisis mode, it was the last thing Rodney should have been spending time on.

"Let John go. I'm going to catch a flight out tonight. I need to be in Virginia tomorrow, but you know how to reach me. Call anytime and send me whatever news you get, any updates on Atlantis and repair estimates." Besides, she didn't want to tell John when he was angry. "Tell him after I'm gone. About the emails, not the baby."

"Elizabeth, you need to tell him. You've done this on your own for too long already."

"And I will, but I know John. After he finds out, he's going to need some time. He'll find me when he's ready."

She needed some time as well. She wasn't sure she'd ever forget the look in his eyes or the animosity in his voice and she needed to put some space between that moment and their next conversation.

"Do you need a ride to the airport? I can have someone drive you." Sam moved to the side table and reached for the phone.

"That would be great. I need to stop by my house first and get my things."

She'd made a surprisingly hefty profit selling her brownstone and real estate was less expensive in Colorado Springs than in D.C. She'd been able to purchase the home and acreage outright, still leaving a tidy little nest egg in the bank. With the baby in tow, it had seemed more practical than leasing an apartment or renting a hotel room whenever they were in town. A car to keep here was next on the list, but she hadn't had time to purchase one yet.

"I didn't realize you had a house here." Sam's smile was warm.

"I just bought it a month ago. I wanted something close, I figured after the Gate Bridge was complete…" Her voice trailed off and her teeth pressed against her lower lip.

It probably sounded crazy to Sam. Buying a house to be close to a man she hadn't spoken to in months. It was just another leap of faith, one of many she'd taken in the past months. She'd been committed to seeing this through, but now, it was starting to sound crazy, even to her.

"Buying a home here makes sense. John certainly will have reason and opportunity to visit more often." Sam reached out and squeezed her shoulder. "You guys will figure this out, you know."

Elizabeth managed a weak smile. She'd held out hope until the moment she'd seen the anger within John's eyes.

~v~v~v~v~v~v~v

 _Late that night-_

It had been the longest day she could remember since leaving Atlantis. She'd spent the bulk of her flight home trying to talk herself out of leaving, yet the moment she'd arrived at John's estate, she'd started packing. She couldn't forget the scorn in John's eyes and her fight or flight instinct had kicked into overdrive. Pregnancy hormones were clouding her judgement and she knew that after months of holding out hope, this was rash and illogical, but she couldn't seem to force herself to stop packing.

She glanced at her watch, it was almost midnight. Elizabeth shoved in the last box in the SUV and wiped away beads of sweat from her forehead.

She'd picked Shadow up from Blaze's house on the way in. She spotted him trotting back from the lake and called to him, urging him along so she could close the garage door. Exhaustion was weighing heavy on her limbs and she was more than ready to call it a night. She closed the back of the SUV and Shadow followed her into the house and up to her bedroom.

Though it was July, it was unusually mild that night and she pulled open the French doors to the balcony, still drinking in her fill of fresh air after being cooped up for so many hours in the SGC and on the plane. Shadow laid down on his favorite spot on the rug. She knew he had to be tired as well, but he'd been in a state of ultra-alertness all night. Most likely, it was her own unusual behavior that had him on guard and rather than giving in to sleep, his eyes continued to track her now.

She took off the necklace John had given her and put it on the dresser, next to the lock box he'd left months ago. It was covered in dust, she'd never touched it, though she should have moved it to a more appropriate location long ago. It just meant acknowledging what was within and thoughts of wills and health care directives always sent her heart skidding against her ribs.

Tonight, without her normal clutter on the dresser, she noticed for the first time that it wasn't locked. It wasn't even completely shut. She moved to close the lid, changing her mind at the last second and flinging it wide open instead. If she was seriously considering leaving, then she needed to know what she'd really signed that day. Elizabeth had been too upset at John's leaving and had missed it at the time, but when she reflected back, something didn't sit right with Suzanne's shocked reaction. "What do you think you signed?" She'd asked.

The first document she pulled out was the health care directives. He'd named her as his proxy should someone ever need to make medical decisions on his behalf. Her hand was shaking by the time she pulled out the will. She turned, sinking to the floor with her back against the dresser. He'd made her the primary beneficiary, making allocations for any children they might have.

Her whole body was trembling when she reached to bring the lock box down onto her lap. The next document she pulled out had her signature on the front page. She glanced to the top of the paper. Not a power of attorney after all. It was a quitclaim deed, listing John's name along with her own as owners of this estate. She flashed back to that day and remembered John's hand covering the top of the paper. She'd thought he was holding it still so she could sign, but he'd covered it up, not wanting her to know.

All of that had been done Monday before he'd left, before they'd realized a baby could be part of the picture. How the man who'd looked so scathingly at her today once been so sure of them that he'd done all of this?

There was something else in the lock box. It looked like a white slip of paper, but as Elizabeth pulled it out she realized it was the back of the photograph. When she moved her thumb to flip it over, she saw John's familiar, tiny scrawl in the bottom corner. He'd written just one word. _Everlong._ She turned it around, finding a full size copy of the photo John had put in her locket. She knew at that second she wasn't leaving, at least not yet.

It had been months since she'd received a message and she'd held on to hope the entire time. She could wait a few more days for him to seek her out. It wouldn't take any longer than that. Still, she wasn't entirely sure where that left them now. It hurt like hell to realize he'd given up on her. He'd probably given up months before based on the intensity of anger that had gleamed from his eyes. Her fingers trailed over the cool metal of the lock box. Maybe it should have soothed her soul to hold proof, proof there were moments she'd broke through his walls, but he always ended up patching them up and pushing her out.

A yawn rocked through her body and she shoved up to a standing position. If she stayed there much longer, she'd end up asleep in the floor.

After a quick and well needed shower, she reached for her clothes, already imagining her head blissfully hitting the pillow. Her underwear seemed impossibly tiny considering the size of her stomach, but they still fit, the elastic band hitting just beneath the expanding bulge of her stomach. After pulling them on, she tugged on one of the maternity sized tank tops she'd purchased. Even it had grown snug across her stomach, but the stretchy material kept it comfy. She couldn't seem to tolerate sleeping in much more. She'd get too warm, making it even more difficult to sleep. Finally, she closed the balcony doors and climbed into bed. The mattress was high quality, but she shifted around, struggling to find a comfortable position.

After the morning sickness had passed, Elizabeth had been surprised to discover she loved being pregnant. She loved feeling the life move within her, loved her ever expanding tummy in spite of the excessive trips to the bathroom. Now that she'd crossed into her eighth month, though, sleeping had become uncomfortable. She finally settled on her side with a pillow between her knees. Her mind was racing, and though she didn't expect to sleep that night, at least her weary body could rest.

She'd only been lying down a few minutes, when a growl rumbled low in Shadows throat. A second later, he jumped up and thundered out into the hallway. The house had an impressive security system, if anyone had entered without the code, alarms would have been sounding by now. Elizabeth swiveled out of bed as Shadow started barking.

She heard a thud and then a groan echo through the hall. She wasn't frightened there was an intruder in the home, she already knew who she'd find at the mercy of Shadow's training, but her nerves rioted from a different kind of trepidation. She fumbled for the bedside lamp and missed, but came up with her phone in her trembling hand. Using it for light, she gingerly peered out into the hallway.

"Elizabeth?" John's voice called through the dark. "A little help?"

She had a feeling he'd show up sooner rather than later, but she really hadn't expected him that night. She stepped out into the hall and drew her bedroom door shut behind her.

Shadow growled again, a low keening sound that made the hair raise on the back of her neck. She turned on the flashlight of the phone and directed the bright light down the hallway. John was flat on his back. He was in street clothes, his usual battered jeans and a concert tee. He was so close to the top of the stairs; it was a wonder he hadn't fallen backwards down them.

Elizabeth realized she'd never told John the puppy had become a permanent fixture in their household. She'd been all caught up in the "was she/wasn't she" pregnant phase. John had just gotten one heck of an introduction to her four-legged friend. His front feet were on John's chest and she could see the gleam of Shadow's bared canines.

"Shadow, down." Elizabeth's voice was firm. Friend."

Shadow's head ducked and John flinched before her all too overgrown puppy started washing his face, his tail happily thumping the floor.

John held his hand up to shield his eyes from the light of her phone. "Thought I'd upgraded the security system enough. Apparently not." He sat up and rubbed his back. "You got an interesting way of saying hello, buddy." John reached out and waited for Shadow to sniff his hand before stretching further to pet him.

"It's safe to stand up, unless you're enjoying the floor." Elizabeth hadn't budged from her spot outside the door.

"I didn't know you'd kept Shadow. Guess there are a lot of things I missed." John shoved to his feet and she directed the light down a bit and out of his eyes. "Carter told me about the emails. I didn't know." He stepped closer and stalled.

She could the agony in his voice. At that moment, she would have given anything to block the memory of the way he'd looked at her, talked to her, but she wasn't sure that was something she could ever forget.

The ray from her phones flash light seemed unusually harsh, so she turned it off, just using the soft illumination of the home screen to light the hall before her. The area she was standing in was still completely dark. After having been blinded by her light, she knew he couldn't see her yet.

"I…" John ran his hands through his hair. "I'm sorry. Today, I shouldn't have-"

She was tired and didn't have the strength to fight her desire to hold him. In spite of everything, she needed to feel him in her arms. "Come here." She whispered.

Her phone tumbled to the floor as she reached out and pulled him closer. A strangled gasp caught in his throat as he brushed against her stomach. His hands wrapped around her side and his thumbs stretched out, rubbing against her swollen stomach.

"Elizabeth." He breathed.

She leaned back against the wall and searched for words as his hands roamed over her stomach. She felt a searing need to see the look in his eyes and she reached back, fumbling until she found the light switch on the hall. She used the dimmer and turned the dial until it cast a gentle illumination over the hall.

She turned back and his hands moved to frame her face as he tucked his head close to hers. His eyes were red, she'd no idea the last time he'd slept, and he'd just survived one hell of a day. Not only that, his victory had been short lived after discovering Kara Ward had all but destroyed his personal life. The pain in his eyes echoed that she felt inside and she grasped at his shirt pulling until lips mouth slanted down over her own, kissing her softly, almost hesitantly.

Her fingers latched behind his neck and she pulled him deeper into their kiss. His lips were a little chapped and she wanted to feel every press of their roughness. She needed to taste him and feel the stubble of his jaw rake against her skin, sending sparks racing down her spine. She wanted the breathlessness of a never-ending kiss, wanted to feel her toes curl with the sheer intensity of his mouth working against her own. She needed the complete sensory overload because after so many months alone, this moment seemed surreal and she wanted nothing more than to believe he was real, that _they_ were real and that it wasn't too late to save them.

She gulped for air as he broke away. His stubble razed against her face as his lips brushed against her cheek and, again, just beneath her ear. He may not have shaved, but she could smell the soap fresh on his skin. He hovered there, his breath falling in hot pants against her ear. His palms ran down her sides before stroking across her stomach.

"I didn't know." His voice was ragged. "I'm so sorry. I didn't know."

He pulled away and dropped lithely to his knees. He grasped the hem on her tank top and glanced up to her. She nodded and watched the shirt bunch beneath his hands as he worked the sides up and over her stomach. He kissed the taut skin of her stomach as her fingers twined into his hair. She wanted nothing more than to tug him up and let him kiss her until all the hurt fell away.

His head lifted and she saw a flash of doubt cross through his eyes. She held his gaze, not understanding the question in his eyes. Suddenly, she felt too exposed standing there wearing just her panties and the tank top shoved high over her stomach. He tugged her shirt down and climbed back onto his feet.

"Maybe I shouldn't have presumed. Rodney said he saw you at the restaurant with-"

She finally understood what he was asking and her heart started hammering. "John, don't-"

"It's mine, right?"

Her head turned away and she steeled herself, even as she felt something shatter within her heart. She would never un-hear those words.

"Of course, it's mine. I'm sorry." John cursed under his breath. "I shouldn't have said that. I don't know why I asked that. I-"

"Don't." She held a finger to his lips as she stuffed down the pain. She could feel the moisture pooling in her eyes. "Maybe we shouldn't try to talk tonight."

She reached back and turned off the light, not wanting him to see her eyes.

"Okay, I'll go."

She caught a handful of his shirt as he backed away. "I want you to stay." She caught his hand and pulled him into the guest bedroom across the hall.

"You're using this room?"

"Just tonight. I was…moving some things around. Mine's a little messy right now."

Traces of moonlight slipped through the drapes and her eyes easily adjusted to the mottled darkness. She moved to the bed, releasing his hand as she pulled back the comforter and climbed between the sheets. She shifted onto her side with her back to John and scooted towards the far side of the bed leaving room for him to tuck in behind her. Fabric rustled behind her, she could hear the metallic clink of his belt and then the zipper on his pants as he shed his clothes. The bed dipped as he crawled in behind her and she could sense his hesitation.

"Closer." She reached back, grabbing his arm, and pulling it around her. She'd almost lost him that day. There was still too much space between them for what she needed. "Closer." She whispered.

She finally felt the press of his body completely aligned with hers and she started to relax when his nose tucked against her neck. The beat of his heart thrummed reassuringly against her back. Heat pooled off his body and she welcomed the warmth, though she wasn't sure it could thaw the chill within her.

She took his hand, pulling it firmly against her stomach. "It's been kicking right here. You should be able to feel it soon."

"It?"

"Didn't seem right to find out if it was a boy or girl…not without you. My next appointment is a week from Monday. You can come with me if you want, if you're still in town or can come back."

"I want." John's mouth nuzzled against her neck.

Elizabeth unwittingly shifted her head, giving him easier access to her sensitive skin. It shouldn't feel so good to have his hands on her, his mouth hot against her neck and the strength of his body pressed tight against her. It seemed impossible that her body could feel so good, while her heart was breaking as he held her.

The baby kicked and she felt John's body go rigid.

"That was the baby?"

Elizabeth almost managed a smile at the confusion in John's voice. "That was definitely your baby. Try a little higher, right here." She pulled his palm up on her stomach and the baby kicked again.

"That is the coolest thing I've ever felt. Is it always so strong?"

"I'm eight months pregnant, John, it's supposed to be strong." She wasn't sure about the hyperactive part, she'd always just kind of assumed their child had inherited its restless energy from its father.

"Eight months." His forehead pushed into the back of her shoulder. "I missed everything." His voice rasped.

"Maybe not as much as you think. I haven't bought much. I haven't even set up a nursery." She hadn't been sure she'd still be living here, it hadn't made sense to.

And while she couldn't wait to hold the baby in her arms, she hadn't been able to summon the energy to prepare as she should have. After Suzanne and her mother had forgiven her for keeping her pregnancy a secret, they'd immediately shifted into an eager state of anticipation that Elizabeth had never reached. They wanted to go shopping with her, but she'd stalled and postponed. Here she was, a month away and nothing was ready.

With Suzanne and Dave's wedding rapidly approaching, time had grown scarce. Suzanne had finally sent out invitations for a baby shower without Elizabeth's consent, essentially forcing her hand. It was scheduled for the next day and she had been dreading it. She was never fond of being the center of attention, but beyond that, she knew she'd be peppered with questions about the absentee father and she wasn't sure she could survive three hours of that.

"You've heard the heartbeat." His lips pressed against her shoulder.

"Yes."

"You've seen pictures, right? An ultrasound."

She hesitated. "Yes."

He tightened his arms and tucked his nose back in against her neck. "I should have taken the damn personal leave. I should have known something was wrong."

A tiny dot of moisture struck the back of her neck, about the size of a tear, and her grasp on composure completely unraveled. Her shoulders shook as tears flooded from her eyes.

"Elizabeth…" His voice was anguished. "Tell me what to do, what to say. I don't know how to fix this."

Her whole body was trembling and she couldn't make it stop, just as she couldn't stop the tears, or numb the pain that was tearing her apart. He hadn't meant to hurt her. The skipped leave and the things he'd said, none of the pain would have come without Kara Ward's interference. She knew that, but that didn't change the fact that her heart was breaking. It chipped a little more each time she remembered John asking if the baby was his.

"Maybe I should go."

She grasped his hand, stopping him when he started to edge back. "You'll fix this when you stop letting me go." Her voice was barely audible.

"I'm not sure what that means."

And that had been their problem all along. She pulled his arm back around her. "Tonight, it means hold me tight."

And don't let go, she thought. Don't let go. The thought repeated like a loop within her mind as she cried herself to sleep.

~TBC

A/N: So this is the part where I normally thank you profusely for reading, following and especially for taking the time to leave reviews (and yes, thank you, thank you, THANK YOU! And leave more reviews please and thank you again;), but with the past few chapters I get to this part and the first thing I want to write is I'm sorry, sorry, sorry. If you've read any of my other stories, hopefully you have a feel for my MO and you are trusting me. If not, all I can say is try to trust me. At least I'm signing off with them in each other's arms this time.

A/N 2: Forgive me for any crazy or grammatical errors I missed. I tried to catch what I'm capable of catching, but it really is hard to self-edit this size of a chapter.


	20. Chapter 20

John winced as the morning sun cut through the curtains. He didn't have to wait for the spots to fade from his eyes to see Elizabeth's side of the bed was empty. He pushed off the mattress and groaned, fumbling for his clothes in the floor. He hadn't consumed a drop of alcohol the day before, but he had all the symptoms of a massive hangover. Headache, fatigue. He was thirsty as hell, probably dehydrated too. Not that he would complain about the physical fallout from mental fatigue. He'd gotten off damn lucky considering what had gone down the day before. Not everyone had been so fortunate.

In his life, he'd endured more than his fair share of warfare, but seeing that hive ship in orbit around Earth may have been the most blood chilling thing he'd ever experienced. They'd lost some good men. They'd nearly lost Ronon. He could still hardly grasp the enormity of what they'd done or believe they'd pulled it off. And by day's end, his life had been turned upside down. Atlantis was on Earth, Elizabeth was pregnant, and he was…well, he was just fried. He ran his hands through his hair and blew out a ragged sigh, trying to ignore her empty side of the bed.

Carter had tried to put him on immediate leave for thirty days, it would take at least that long to get Atlantis flight ready, but he'd automatically declined more out of habit then of consideration. She'd just patted his arm, gave him a knowing look, and told him to take a few days to think it over. He didn't need a few days to reconsider. He knew the second he'd felt the swell of Elizabeth's stomach he was taking the leave. He wasn't foolish enough to give up that time again.

He pulled on his jeans and scanned the room for signs of Elizabeth. As he reached for his bottle of water, he spotted a black and white ultrasound picture propped against the bedside lamp. He picked it up, incredulous that the tiny little speck in the photo was his kid. He glanced at the back. It had been taken when Elizabeth was three months pregnant. A lump swelled in his throat and he swallowed hard. An Air Force buddy had once gamely warned him about the joys of fatherhood. For the first time, he started to understand what his friend had meant when he said it was like getting a sucker punch to the heart.

His friend had also compared becoming a father to the first time he'd ever broken the sound barrier. He said it was the most exhilarating thing he'd ever felt, though he wished they'd received some barf bags at the baby shower along with diapers and burp clothes. Right now, John felt more like he was in an F-302 with a dwindling supply of oxygen.

His friend had also muttered something about John being prepared to bail him out of jail once his daughter hit her teenage years. John had laughed at the time, but now he grasped at the underlying sentiment of those words. He was already unsettled from waking up alone and knew his heartbeat wouldn't regulate until Elizabeth was back in his line of sight. His protective instincts had always been off the charts where she was concerned. That tension within only coiled more intensely now she was pregnant. And if anyone ever dared to hurt his kid, bail wouldn't be necessary. There would no body to find.

His finger trailed the edge of the photo. It gutted him to think of Elizabeth alone throughout all of this. It was crazy, his kid hadn't even been born yet and he already felt like a deadbeat dad who hadn't stuck around to look after his family. That wasn't the kind of father he wanted to be and it wasn't the kind of husband he intended to be. He set the ultrasound photo aside and a flame of anger shot through him. Woolsey had quickly shot down his request to have Ronon interrogate Kara Ward. John hadn't intended for Ronon to hurt her and he didn't give a shit about answers, he could care less about her motivation or rationale. What he wanted was for her to experience a taste of the mental torture he and Elizabeth had lived with the last months.

His hand scrubbed down the back of his neck as a wave of guilt mixed with his anger. He knew it wasn't his fault, not intentionally anyway. After he'd met Elizabeth, he'd stopped paying attention to the way other women responded to him and now it never failed to catch him off guard when a woman made her interest known. He'd ignored McKay's pointed remarks about John being too nice, because, well that's what they did. McKay instigated and John ignored him. And maybe McKay had been right, he had been nicer to Kara than he should have been, but he'd felt guilty about how she'd lost her brother.

McKay couldn't have helped him that day if Dr. Gall hadn't made that fatal decision. John might have held out without Rodney's help until the other jumper arrived, but odds had been overwhelmingly against it. Guilt was one thing; he'd never meant to give her the impression he was interested in more than friendly conversation. A spike of anger flared again. Hell, even if he had indicated any interest, only a pathetic excuse of a human being would do something like this.

John picked up the note Elizabeth had left beside the ultrasound photo.

 _You were exhausted, I wanted to let you sleep. Suzanne is having a baby shower for me today, 3pm, address below. If you don't feel like coming, I'll call you after._ _It should wrap up around 6pm._

Call him after? He glanced down, finding a local address. It wasn't like she was going to D.C. or to her mother's in Alexandria, wouldn't she just come home? And she hadn't signed off with her habitual "I love you". That sentiment had never come easy for him and for the first time he understood how she must feel to not hear or see those words when you needed to. He put the note down and headed for the bathroom. He might have held her last night, but it felt eerily like he'd lost her. Beyond that, he was having a hard time believing he deserved her.

After hitting the head and washing his hands, he fumbled around without success looking for a toothbrush. His was downstairs in his bag, but Elizabeth's bathroom was closer and he thought he'd seen a stockpile of spares the last time he was here. He drifted across the hall, almost crashing when the handle of her bedroom door didn't turn as expected. Elizabeth must have inadvertently caught the lock, but that was hardly a barrier. He tugged the knife out of his pants and used the blade to easily turn the lock. He pushed the door open and stopped dead in his tracks.

It wasn't messy like Elizabeth had said. It was fastidiously neat. And absent of personal belongings. There were no books on the bedside table and her favorite throw blanket wasn't on the bed. He folded his knife up and tucked it back in his pocket. After hesitating for a moment, he opened the closet, not surprised to find it empty. He smacked his palm against the door frame. Damn it. How had everything gotten so screwed up?

He'd gotten up a couple of hours ago, just long enough to grab some water before climbing back into bed. Elizabeth had been fast asleep and the door to her bedroom still secure. That meant she'd done this yesterday. After she'd flown back, she'd packed her things, probably stowing them away in that new SUV he'd spotted in the garage. He flinched at the thought. She'd known she was leaving when she pulled him into bed the night before.

It had been stupidly optimistic to think they could easily move past everything. His showing up had probably been the last thing she'd expected, especially after the way he'd acted at the SGC. It was no wonder she'd cried herself to sleep.

A powerful surge of homesickness flooded his veins. Even though her things were gone, somehow the scent of lilacs filled the air, evoking memories of better days. If he closed his eyes, he could almost imagine she was still there with him. Shit. He had to get out of here. His hand washed over his face, the scruff of his chin scraping against his palm. He needed a razor, too, but he'd rather forgo the shave than see the bare countertop in the bathroom. After once last glance around the room, he headed downstairs to retrieve his bag.

Minutes later he was back in the spare guestroom. He tossed the contents of his bag onto the bed. Beyond socks and boxer briefs, he'd only packed one clean uniform, another pair of battered jeans, and a couple of t-shirts. There wasn't a lot to work with if he decided to go to the baby shower, though a party was the last place he wanted to have the coming conversation. On the other hand, he wasn't in a position to ignore an opportunity to see her, even if it put him at the mercy of Suzanne. It wasn't hard to imagine the things she'd have to say.

Steam had filled the bathroom when he finally stepped out of his clothes and ducked under the spray of water. He braced his hands on the cool tile and leaned forward, letting the water sluice over his head and body. If only he could wash away the crap that stood between him and Elizabeth as easily as he could rinse the grime away from his body. He'd been wracking his mind in vain to figure out where to go from here. This was the part he was supposed to be good at, military life had drilled him to always be thinking about his next move. Right now, he had nothing beyond the hollow pit growing in his stomach. It seemed like everything he'd ever wanted was slipping away, just like the cloudy water filtering down the drain.

~v~v~v~v

Most of the street clothes he kept on Atlantis had been washed so many times they'd become threadbare. While John was killing time that afternoon, he dug some of his clothes out of attic storage and washed a couple loads. He'd also brought down a suit jacket that he had stored hanging in a zipped garment bag, keeping it in good condition. He wasn't sure what proper baby shower attire was, but that, along with the button down shirt and the like new jeans he'd found, should help him pass muster. He could always take off the jacket if it was too much. He just wished he'd found the keys to his Jeep. It was beautiful out, it would be a perfect night to take the top off for the short drive over.

While his afternoon would have been better spent banking more sleep, his mind was too restless. He wandered down to the barn, where a curious tabby cat had greeted and followed him until they got to Romeo's stall. He guessed that was another new addition of Elizabeth's and wondered what other new animals might be lurking around the corner. He pivoted and headed out of the barn and down towards the lake. He might be better off not knowing, besides, it would be cute to see the guilty look on her face if there were more animals. His teeth clenched and he realized he'd had failed to qualify that with the requisite if. If she came back.

He walked the edge of the lake and made a dent in the piles of rocks lining the shore, flinging dozens of them skipping against the glassy waters of the lake. Usually, mindless activity unlocked his mind and help him find focus when he was struggling, but today he kept staring into the murky unknown, no closer to figuring out what he needed to do than he was the night before.

~v~v~v~v~

"Your mom just arrived. She can greet any of the other crazies that arrive early. The cake was delivered just after we left, she said everything looks great." Suzanne drifted into the living room and put her phone on a side table. "Where'd everyone go?"

"Did you just subtly insult my mother for being a crazy who arrived early?" Elizabeth glanced over her shoulder and looked out the window. After they'd inspected the event planners work, they'd returned to Blaze's house so Elizabeth could rest. "Blaze and Andy are outside with Shadow. Brooke is still beautifying."

"You know I adore your mother. Though she is a bit fanatical about timeliness, not that thirty minutes early is timely." Suzanne stepped closer to the stairs. "Speaking of timeliness, plug your ears."

"What-"

"Brooke, get your bony ass down here." Suzanne yelled up the stairs. "Ten minutes or we'll leave you to ride over with the boys."

Elizabeth arched a brow, but Suzanne only smiled wickedly. "What? You know she'll stay up there primping all day, especially if she thinks she might see Aiden."

Within minutes of the two women meeting, Suzanne had started treating Brooke like the younger sister she never had. They had formed an instant affinity for each other that was entertaining most of the time, yet bordered on terrifying when their strong wills teamed against her. Strangers often mistook them for sisters and not just for the sibling like banter. Brooke was years younger and inches shorter, but, otherwise, their resemblance was uncanny.

Suzanne descended onto the loveseat next to her. She tugged her planner out from her carryall and started casually flipping through it.

"How are you so calm?" Elizabeth reached for her water. "There has to be a million things to do before your wedding and you act as if you have all the time in the world."

"You are freaking out enough for the both of us, one of us needs to be calm." Suzanne muttered under her breath as she jotted a note in the margin of her planner.

"I'm not freaking out." At least not outwardly. She didn't think, anyway.

Suzanne closed her planner and tilted her head towards Elizabeth. "You are too freaking out and deservedly so. And there's nothing wrong with that, as long as you get a handle on it before you do something you regret."

"Something I regret? He-"

"I know, Elizabeth. Well, I know all you are willing to tell me anyway. Blocked emails, harsh words, everything is up in the air. Did I miss anything?"

"The hurting like hell part." Her voice was quiet.

"That goes without saying." Suzanne squeezed her shoulder. "Look, I'm not trying to trivialize what you went through this year, but he's here now, Elizabeth, and this wasn't his fault."

"What about the part where he asked if it was his baby?" Her words were almost a whisper now.

"He's not the only one. The first thing I asked was if Blaze was the father."

"Don't remind me." Elizabeth frowned. She grasped at the locket on her neck, moving it from side to side on her chain.

"In both our defense, you look a couple months less pregnant than you are. You always have." Suzanne shifted sideways and faced Elizabeth. "Plus, you knew John's friend saw you at the restaurant with Blaze. How could he not ask? And if you remember, I warned you about getting too close to Blaze, you knew it would be an issue with John."

Elizabeth released the locket and grabbed a strand of her hair to twirl. "And who planted the idea in John's head there was something to worry about? I believe that was you, my friend."

"Yeah, well, in hindsight maybe I shouldn't have instigated, but at the time it seemed he needed a good kick in the pants."

Shadow trotted into the room and paused before Elizabeth and Suzanne, wiggling excitedly and demanding attention. After a moment, Shadow started turning circles, trying futilely to find the perfect spot on the rug as Andy and Blaze strolled in the room. Andy plopped down on the couch across from them while Blaze perched on the arm. Both men had put in some extra effort with their own beauty routine, she noted. Nice jeans and button down shirts. Blaze had even dug out the crazy expensive western boots he'd purchased when they'd been in Austin visiting another equine therapy center.

"She still sprucing up?" Blaze cast his eyes towards the stairs.

"You know Brooke." Andy flicked some dog fur from his jeans. "There's always a chance she'll run into Aiden at the sanctuary and she thinks he's hot."

"That bother you?" There was a trace of amusement in Blaze's eyes.

"Course not. She thinks I'm hotter and that's all that matters." Andy winked.

"So, what are you going to do?" Suzanne nudged, not letting Elizabeth off the hook from their conversation.

"I don't know, Suze. What am I supposed to do? Forget he asked?"

"You forgave me. At least I think you did, maybe you're just in it for the baby shower. Are you just using me for cake and presents, Elizabeth?" Suzanne fixed her with an evil smile.

"Hey, I like where this conversation is going." Andy leaned forward. "If Elizabeth isn't interested, I'll use you for cake and presents."

Blaze reached out and swatted at Andy. "You can't have Elizabeth's cake. If anyone else gets it, it'll be me."

Suzanne laughed. "Well, Elizabeth?"

"I'm just using you for the cake, the presents are a bonus." Elizabeth tried to contain her own laughter. Her bladder had become like a trampoline for the baby and laughter was a recipe for a quick trip to the ladies room. "It's only fair, you're using me too. Picking a hugely pregnant maid of honor to make you look prettier at the wedding, you should be ashamed."

"I don't know, Suzanne. I'm not sure that's a winning tactic. You'll be a gorgeous bride, but it's gonna be a close call." Blaze looked thoughtfully at Elizabeth. "Elizabeth's got that glowy, beautiful, pregnant thing going on."

"So, I'm not beautiful when I'm not pregnant?" Elizabeth fixed Blaze with a mock glare.

Blaze cursed softly. "Every time I try to compliment you, you go and-"

"Blaze, I'm kidding. Thank you, that was sweet." And it was something she needed to hear, especially after feeling so exposed before John the night before.

Suzanne's phone vibrated and she snatched it off the side table.

"Everything all right?" Elizabeth glanced at her watch. They really did need to get going soon.

"It's just Dave."

"Dave's texting you from Vegas?" Blaze's eyes stretched wide. "I can't believe his friends let him keep his phone."

"It's not exactly a bachelor party for a twenty something party animal." Suzanne shrugged. "Most of his groomsmen are married."

Elizabeth cringed. "I still feel bad. I feel like you were cheated out of the whole bachelorette experience."

"Seriously?" Suzanne laughed. "Our spa day was way better. I mean, did you see my masseuse? He was hotter than any Vegas dancer I've ever seen. Not only that, it was legal to pay him to touch my naked body for an hour."

Andy snorted water through his nose and Blaze pounded on his back.

"Suze!" Elizabeth nodded towards the men, not that their presence would compel her to filter her thoughts. "And you weren't naked."

"A tiny towel draped over my ass does not an outfit make. Anyway, in my mind, there was no towel. Just me and Julio."

"His name was Julio?" Blaze's head cocked towards her.

"Whose ass are you talking about?" Brooke breezed into the room and dropped onto the couch, draping her arm around Andy's neck. "What did I miss?" She directed towards his ear.

"She's talking about her own ass." Andy patted her arm. "Sorry."

"She might be talking about her ass, but she's thinking about Julio's ass." Blaze said.

"Who is Julio?" Brooke turned conspiratorially towards Suzanne. "And where was I when you were off admiring his ass?"

"Brooke!" Andy and Blaze protested simultaneously.

Blaze caught Elizabeth's eye and smiled broadly. He was probably relieved to see her doing anything besides zoning out in a chair, she realized. And she had to admit, it felt good to laugh, even if she did need to prioritize a trip to the ladies room.

Suzanne's nose wrinkled. "Actually, I think his name was Fred. Anyway, the name didn't coordinate with the muscles, so I had to wing it. Julio was the first thing that slipped out. He liked it, by the way. He was having the receptionist make him a new name tag when we left. He said apparently the name Julio made for generous tips, not that I would know what he was talking about."

Elizabeth's ribs were starting to hurt from both the laughter and from the baby kicking. She scooted to the edge of the loveseat and slid her feet back into her flats.

"Who did Elizabeth have?" Brooke asked.

"Her name was Adriana." Elizabeth stood up, smiling at Brooke's disappointed look. "She specializes in prenatal massages. She was pretty too, not that anyone in this room would be interested, right?"

"I'm going to need the name of this spa." Andy pulled out his phone and Brooke neatly jabbed him with her elbow.

"You're going the wrong way, Elizabeth." Brooke called from the couch. "Weren't you guys yelling at me to hurry? I thought we needed to leave."

"Well, I need to take my ass to the bathroom before we leave." She smiled wryly before ducking into the hall.

"You know, she doesn't cuss nearly enough." Brooke's voice carried as Elizabeth worked down the hallway. "It's kind of cute when she does. We should get her to cuss more."

"Oh, she cusses plenty." Suzanne corrected. "Mostly in her head, but if she ever lets loose, I recommend stepping back. It's not cute, but it's pretty cool."

Elizabeth smiled as she shut the door to the bathroom.

~v~v~v~v

The horse sanctuary had initially seemed an odd choice for baby shower location, but Elizabeth should have never doubted her friends vision. Suzanne called it barn chic and the rustic elegance of the décor had transformed the area into a magical and inviting space. Some of the more thoughtful guests realized the theme was inspired by Elizabeth's fondness of horses and one of her favorite gifts had been a gigantic plush horse. She could already picture it in the corner of the nursery.

Since college, Elizabeth and Suzanne had shared virtually the same circle of friends. Most of them were intelligent, unaffected, warm individuals whom Elizabeth enjoyed being around. There were a few, however, firmly anchored in the values and snobbery associated with old money. After so many years off the grid, the abrasiveness of those individuals made her count her blessings that she'd embraced a different life, surrounded herself with different people.

They didn't bother Suzanne. Not only had she reached that decadent stage of not giving a shit, she seemed to delight in shocking their social circle any time her choices diverged with their own. Suzanne thrived on the barbed banter and, while Elizabeth found it amusing at times, today the mental sharpness required to engage in that type of conversation was too much effort.

The bustle of the party had almost become more than Elizabeth could bear. Too much light, too much noise, way too many people. Though Suzanne had explained to everyone that John had just arrived home after an eight-month deployment and was catching up on some well needed rest, there had still been too many pointed questions she wasn't ready to answer. After the presents had been opened, toasts made, and cake served, she felt her obligations of guest of honor had been dutifully fulfilled and she'd tucked away to rest in Blaze's office.

"There you are." Suzanne drifted into the office. "I come bearing gifts."

"I think I've gotten enough gifts already." Elizabeth yawned and resettled her weight on the upholstered arm chair she was nestled in. She had her legs stretched out on the matching ottoman, wishing she had a cozy throw blanket to cuddle into.

"Fine, then, I come bearing cake. That better?"

"Definitely." Elizabeth had abandoned her own cake in her ill planned escape. "You only brought one slice?"

Suzanne looked instantly guilty. "I've had two pieces already. Any more and I won't fit into my wedding dress on Friday." She passed over the cake and a bottle of water.

Elizabeth gratefully accepted the cake. With any luck, the sugar rush would kick in and give her a boost of energy to get her through the rest of the party. As it was, she wasn't sure she could go back in there. She shoveled in a bite and glanced at her phone for the hundredth time. In the note, she'd told John she'd call him when the shower was over, but she'd really been hoping he'd turn up or even just send her a short text. It wasn't like she'd pushed him to do either, but as the day stretched on, the silence had become a bit unnerving.

"You okay?" Suzanne pulled over the office chair and settled in beside Elizabeth.

"Tired." She sat the phone aside and looked at Suzanne. "Trying to see the way past this thing with John. I don't know how we just forget everything that has happened." She scooped up another bite of the cake.

"I doubt you'll forget it, but you do need to let it go."

Elizabeth swept an errant curl away from her eyes. "How am I supposed to do that?" Her voice was sharper than she'd intended.

Suzanne surprised her with her quick response. "Maybe by owning up to your part of this." Suzanne said quietly.

"What part would that be? The part where I waited and hoped? What about the part where he gave up and started hating me?"

Suzanne looked uncharacteristically hesitant. Her friend had never been anything but frank and Elizabeth depended on that truthfulness. It might be her baby shower and she might be eight months pregnant, but if anything, she needed Suzanne to be honest with her now, even if it was brutal. There was too much at stake and someone needed to keep her grounded.

"Just say it, Suze. I have pregnancy brain and crazy pregnancy hormones. I don't want to lose him if I'm overreacting because my perception is out of whack." She casually took another bite of cake, trying to seem calm enough for her friend to relax and talk to her.

"Well…Blaze, to start. You know he complicated things." Suzanne shifted uncomfortably. "Secondly, what you two have been through this year, and in the years before, well, those are extraordinary circumstances. You don't really make any allowances for that, you're holding him to the "this is just what normal people do in relationships" script, something that doesn't even exist by the way."

"It seems like a given that you don't give up. I don't think you need a script for that, that seems heartily implied."

"You can't say you didn't experience moments of doubt. Tell me you don't realize you bought that house in Colorado Springs out of guilt. You'd never mentioned buying a home there until after you recovered from getting all worked up over his skipped leave and thoughts of him hanging around some "pretty, young scientist." You were compensating." Suzanne shot her a pointed look. "And keep in mind, during all of this, he was in a war zone, I'm assuming, anyway. High tension, life and death situations, adrenaline rushes followed by hitting rock bottom. Would you have pushed past your doubt if you were living under those circumstances?"

She fell silent, considering her friend's words.

"Elizabeth, you knew what you were getting into with him. You told me he was emotionally guarded. If you stay with him, you'll probably always have to give a little more of yourself than you think you should have to, but that doesn't mean it's wrong. You just have to decide if you're willing to do it."

"I'm willing." The words were out before she'd even given them conscious thought.

Suzanne edged her chair a little closer. "Then figure out a way to be with him or at least see each other a lot more often. From what little I saw when he was here, he's more tactile than verbal. That means he'd need the tangible, something to hold on to. I don't think this long distance thing is going to cut it."

Suzanne's words jogged her memory. Early in her career, she'd learned that communication was eighty percent non-verbal, only twenty percent verbal. She'd no doubt that percentage weighed higher on the non-verbal between her and John. Not only that, his instinctive tendency was to rely heavily on his senses- sight, hearing, touch, smell- and his senses were more acute than anyone she'd ever met.

Elizabeth put her cake on the side table and rubbed her temple. She'd always known it would be difficult for them to stay apart, but now she could see it might have been impossible. Going months with only the black and white of email messages, it left John with almost nothing. Even without Kara's interference, the past months would have been hell for him.

"Oh, and you might consider marrying the man. I mean, I can't imagine it was easy for him to ask you. Maybe that's more important to him than you realize."

Elizabeth slumped back against the chair, suddenly feeling incredibly stupid. She was already exhausted, but the conversation had rattled her nerves and she could feel the faint tremor of her muscles.

"Don't go telling John I stood up for him." Suzanne leaned forward to appropriate Elizabeth's last bite of cake. "It'll do bad things to his ego and make it harder for me to aggravate him, which I thoroughly intend to do, by the way."

Elizabeth heard the telltale sound of Blaze's boots approaching before he stepped into the room. "Andy thought he saw you two head this way. Everything okay?" He settled onto the ottoman beside Elizabeth's knees and leaned towards her to gently tug a strand of her hair. "You don't look so hot."

"What a sweet talker you are." Elizabeth tried for a playful response, but her voice was flat, her exhaustion apparent.

"You know what I mean. You're wore out, you've been through a lot this week."

Elizabeth started laughing at that. It quickly morphed to a half crazed maniacal laugh mixed in with an unhealthy smattering of tears. Suzanne and Blaze exchanged a look of concern. They had no idea what she'd been through that week, no idea how close their world had come to all out devastation the day before and today she was eating cake and opening presents. Yesterday, John had almost crashed an F-302 in the desert, before flying a nuke onto an alien space ship and today she'd put on a dress and gone to a party. Maybe her adrenaline bubble had finally ruptured, but the magnitude of the week's events suddenly converged upon her, sending her emotions careening out of control.

Blaze scooted closer and drew her into his arms. Her eyes pressed shut and she laid her head against his chest.

"She hasn't eaten much, maybe I should grab some more food." Suzanne whispered.

"She hasn't been sleeping good either and she's been pushing herself too hard."

She could hear Blaze and Suzanne continue to talk quietly, but their words stopped sinking into her mind. She just wanted to keep her eyes closed and let the world fall away.

It took minutes for her body to stop shaking. Just as she pulled her head up, her phone vibrated, the noise cutting the silence that had fallen heavy in the room. Blaze untangled himself from Elizabeth as she reached for her phone. She was hoping it was John, but did a double take when she saw the screen. Her mother was texting?

 _Where r u? U ok? Brooke is teaching me to txt._

Oh, holy hell. Elizabeth held up her phone to Suzanne.

Suzanne rolled her eyes and shoved to her feet. "God, I've got to get back out there. Who knows what Brooke will get into next, she'll probably bust into the liquor stash and having them all doing tequila shots."

"Come on." Blaze reached for Elizabeth's hand. "Suzanne is going to handle the party animals. We're going to get you in bed."

Elizabeth shook her head. "I'm fine. I just need a minute."

Blaze helped her up, but she was unsteady on her feet.

"No, honey, you're not fine." His arm went under her shoulder and around her waist.

"You okay with her? Want me to get Andy?" Suzanne hovered in the door.

"Good idea." Blaze tugged his keys out of his pocket and tossed them over to Suzanne. "Have him pull my truck up near the walkway. We'll meet him out there."

~v~v~v~v

John strummed his fingers against the steering wheel of his rental car, his irritation rising with each minute that passed. He parked in the rear of the lot, backing the car beneath a giant tree to take advantage of the shade and camouflage it provided. The coffee he'd bought earlier in town was long gone and he was starting to get hungry.

It had been an hour since he'd arrived for the baby shower. After discovering it was being held at the horse sanctuary, Blaze's horse sanctuary, he hadn't bothered to get out. He was already pissed about what Kara had done, pissed his reaction had driven Elizabeth to leave, and it never failed to piss him off to see her with Blaze. Going in now was a recipe for disaster and coming to blows at her baby shower probably wouldn't endear him to Elizabeth…or her mother.

He edged the sunglasses down his nose as women in candy colored dresses started filtering out. After a few minutes, the parking lot dwindled down to just a few cars and he still hadn't spotted Elizabeth. While he recognized his brother's Range Rover and Elizabeth's mother's car, he hadn't seen Elizabeth's new SUV, either. There was a large, four door truck in that lot that looked uncomfortably familiar.

As if on cue, Blaze exited the main building. He and another man were carrying armfuls of boxes and colorful bags. He'd expected the men to move towards Dave's Range Rover, but instead, they went to Blaze's truck. Three loads later, Suzanne and Catherine trailed behind the men, all their arms laden with goods. John's heart rate accelerated as he watched it all get stowed away in the back of Blaze's truck. Where the hell was Elizabeth?

A tiny blond haired woman came out and hugged Suzanne and Catherine before literally climbing into the back seat of Blaze's truck. Blaze walked Catherine to her car and she hugged him goodbye. Great. Elizabeth's mom loved the guy too. He sighed as he watched Suzanne hug both the men before getting in the Range Rover. It was just a giant freaking hug fest all around, and he shuddered, feeling somewhat relieved he'd stayed put in the car.

In a different frame of mind, he probably should have been happy to realize Elizabeth had created a life here. From the looks of it, it was a good life and she'd surrounded herself with good people. He wanted nothing more than to be at her side, but he wasn't sure her world was a place he belonged anymore.

As their vehicles headed out, John started his car and followed them down the paved driveway towards the main road. He'd intended to leave and drive back to his house, but when Blaze's truck turned onto a gravel drive before they hit the main road, John instinctively turned right behind him. A huge two story farmhouse soon came into view. John stopped his car midway down the gravel drive and gut checked himself. This was a bad idea. Nothing good would come of his storming up to another man's home.

His eyes tracked Blaze's truck until it parked, right next to Elizabeth's SUV. The woman jumped out of the truck and darted up the path and into the house. She slipped inside the front door, holding it open long enough for a familiar fur ball to escape. Shadow darted out, heading straight over to Blaze.

Blaze stepped down from the truck and turned, staring down the driveway where John was just sitting. Shit. No wonder the blonde had raced inside the house, she was probably already telling Elizabeth he was glaring at them from the driveway. It was too late to turn back now. He tugged off his sunglasses and tossed them next to the package on the passenger seat. He drove on down the driveway and parked beside Blaze's truck.

By the time he'd stepped out of the car, Blaze was standing at the bottom of the stairs leading up to his house. The other man was in the doorway, eyeing John warily as he came up the path.

"Blaze? Want me to-"

"Go on in, Andy. We'll be fine out here." Blaze's eyes never left John. "Shadow, stay." His face didn't portray a hint of anger or aggression, but his body grew rigid as John approached.

Shadow immediately appeared at Blaze's side. That was perfect. Even Elizabeth's dog loved Blaze.

John tried to not clench his fists. "You don't need a guard dog. I'm not going to hurt you." Not that he didn't want to, but again, probably wouldn't help him with Elizabeth.

"I know you're not going to hurt me." Blaze's arms crossed in front of his chest. "But you certainly look like you want to try."

"I just want to talk to Elizabeth." His voice was more of a hiss and though he was trying to remain at least outwardly calm, he was doing a piss poor job of it. His jaw was clenched and he could feel the heat rising from his neck onto his face.

"You're in no condition to talk to her right now." Blaze's voice was infuriatingly calm.

John glared at him through narrowed eyes, a look known to rattle the marines on Atlantis, but Blaze seemed completely nonplussed. It kind of pissed him off a little more. He finally managed to unclench his jaw to speak. "I haven't been drinking."

"Didn't say you had. But you're angry and I'm not letting you talk to her like that."

"Is she staying with you?" God, he hadn't meant to voice that question aloud. It was more than obvious that she was.

"John, it might be best if you go. She was planning to call you when she wakes up, I'll make sure she does."

John couldn't afford to make a scene and push Elizabeth further away, but grasping composure at that moment may have been the hardest thing he'd ever done. He took another deep breath. Blaze's words finally pierced through his mottled thoughts and anger gave way to concern. "Why is she sleeping, anyway? Is she okay?"

Blaze's shoulders visibly relaxed and he nodded. "The baby shower was a bit much for her, she tires easily these days. She just needed to lay down for a while."

John stared at Blaze and for the first time he realized, if it hadn't been for Elizabeth, he'd probably like this man. He seemed like a stand-up guy who had Elizabeth's best interests at heart.

"Thank you." John shifted and scrubbed a hand down the back of his neck.

Blaze tilted his head and shot John a quizzical look. "What was that?"

"I said thanks." John awkwardly shrugged. "You've obviously been there for her when I couldn't be."

Blaze hesitated only a second. "John, I think we should talk."

Maybe the best way to prove he loved Elizabeth would be to walk away. Maybe the best thing for Elizabeth period would be to walk away. She deserved to be with someone who didn't screw things up all the time. Someone who could always be there when she needed him. It was a sad, twisted irony in the grand scheme of things. He'd always fought to protect her from everything, everything except himself.

He eyed Blaze carefully. "Do you love her?"

Surprise flashed through the man's eyes, but he quickly recovered. "Yes, but- "

"That's all I needed to know." John pivoted away. "I'm going."

"John, wait." Elizabeth's voice pierced the air.

He spun back around, but he couldn't see her. A moment later, the front door swung open further and his gut clenched when she stepped out on the porch. Blaze had said she was tired, but she looked radiant to John. Her skin glowed and her dark curls tumbled loosely around her shoulders. She had on a dress that skimmed her knees with a little sweater over it that framed the swell of her stomach.

Andy followed her out onto the porch. He sauntered up to the edge of the porch and leaned forward, resting his hands on the railing.

"Did you hear him?" Blaze directed his question towards Elizabeth as she carefully picked her way down the porch stairs.

She nodded, but didn't say anything.

Blaze tapped Elizabeth's shoulder as she passed. "You need to tell him." His voice was quiet, yet firm.

She paused beside him. "It's not his business, it's yours."

"Honey, it's become his business and you know it. I told Suzanne. Aiden and Kate. People know. And if you've been subconsciously using me as some kind of test, well, you heard him. He just passed." Blaze started walking towards the house. "Tell him." He called as he stepped onto the porch and moved to stand beside Andy.

Elizabeth closed the gap between them. "John- "

"You left." His voice was flat, belying the pain he was staving off. He edged back and crossed his arms. "You stayed with me last night and moved out this morning? Who does that, Elizabeth?"

"Do you really think I'd hold out hope for all these months only to run now? Did you even check my bathroom? I left all my toiletries. I left my last suitcase there. My prenatal vitamins." Elizabeth's hand fell to her stomach and she rubbed lightly along the side. "And yes, I packed. Between the pregnancy hormones and the way you reacted at the SGC, I couldn't seem to stop myself. But before you even arrived, I talked some sense back into myself. I was staying, at least long enough to see if this was salvageable."

He hadn't gone into the bathroom. He'd bolted from her room. "Your note said you'd call. That didn't make it sound like you were coming back."

"I was hoping you'd come to the baby shower, but if you didn't, I was going to call to see what you wanted me to bring in for dinner. I knew I'd be too tired to scrape something together and I knew you were exhausted after…everything this week."

"Shadow's here." He dropped his arms and reached to scratch behind Shadow's ears.

"He wouldn't have let you rest, so I brought him with me." She shifted closer. "All my things are in the garage. I unpacked the SUV this morning, but didn't feel up to dragging everything back upstairs by myself. I think I overdid it last night as it is." She reached up and her fingers gently traced the line of his jaw. "Will you just look at me?"

He turned his head and the knots deep inside him started unraveling as he stared into her eyes. His hands drifted unwittingly, clasping around her sides. For a moment, it was like they were back on the balcony on Atlantis. There, they could be facing certain death and one look from her could ground him, shore up his resolve, and warm the darkness that always fought to claim his heart. The world could fall away while his eyes held hers, leaving only that unseen conduit between them that cycled love and need and certainty.

" _This_ is why we can't stay apart." She whispered. "Not for long, anyway."

She didn't explain what _this_ was, she didn't need to. This was always why it had worked with Elizabeth and no one else. He was crap with words, but they'd never needed them. Their non-verbal communication was stronger than anything he'd ever felt and they needed to be able to see, touch and feel almost more than they needed to speak.

He wanted to grab hold of the promise he found in her eyes. There was just one thing he couldn't get past.

"But...you're here?"

"I was exhausted, John, and I wasn't steady on my feet. Blaze's house was close, I just came over to nap. In the guest room." She added pointedly.

"You two are close."

"Yes." She drifted to his side and pointed back towards the house. "But not as close as they are."

"What?" Blaze and Andy were still standing on the porch together, leaning on the porch rail, keeping a watchful eye on his conversation with Elizabeth. "Do you mean the little blonde that was with him earlier?"

"That would be his sister, so no." Her hand slipped under his jacket and around his back.

John looked again. They were standing pretty close. He finally zeroed in on Blaze's hand. It was on top of Andy's and their fingers were intertwined.

He jerked his head towards Elizabeth. "Did you always know?"

She nodded, looking slightly guilty.

"You knew when I was here before and didn't tell me?"

Did she have any idea how much frustration she could have prevented if she'd have just told him? He would give anything to go back to the night before and not ask if it was his baby. The look in her eyes when he asked had gutted him. He'd asked more out of blinding panic than jealous instinct, but explaining that wouldn't come easy and odds were, nothing would take the sting from her memory. If he'd known this, he never would have asked.

He rubbed his stubbly chin reflectively. Actually, that was crap and he knew it. He couldn't put that on Elizabeth. He should have known better, trusted her. It didn't matter what had happened, never in a million years should he have asked that question.

She moved to face him, her hands sliding under his jacket to grasp his waist. "I didn't think it was important. It didn't seem to affect us, not at the time anyway. Plus, no one here knew. It wasn't easy for him in his hometown, small town in the south and all. People didn't like his life choices and his business suffered. They made it difficult for his family, too. When his husband died, he moved here to start over. It took him a while to open up and learn to trust everyone."

"He was married?" And a widower? Now he was really starting to feel like an ass.

"For a few years. They got married in Canada."

He took a deep breath and then blew it out, forcing out his remaining frustration along with it. He knew Elizabeth wouldn't hesitate to keep a secret at her own expense, especially if she thought it would cause someone else pain to divulge the information.

She tugged on his shirt, drawing his eyes back to her. "John, do you think we can finish this at home?"

Now that he'd calmed down, he could see the fatigue in her eyes. "Tired?"

She smiled wryly. "Hungry. Though the thought of getting all the presents home is a little tiring."

Home. That was the second time she'd said the word and each time he'd felt an unfamiliar swell of contentment. Instead of speaking, he cupped the back of her head, pulling her into a gentle kiss. As her lips parted, he pulled her closer, already craving more and reveling in the way she felt in his arms. As he tugged, the firm press of her swollen stomach lodged between them. Her laughter rumbled through their lips as the baby kicked and John edged back in surprise. That was going to take some getting used to.

"Your baby is already a handful." She said, her green eyes sparkling mischievously.

His baby could kick him all day long if it made Elizabeth light up like that.

"Come on." He laced his fingers through her own. "Let's see if Blaze and Andy will help move all the presents over to your SUV. I'm ready to go home, too."

Her answering smile made his heart pulse a little faster.

~TBC

A/N: Thanks for continuing to follow and for taking the time to leave reviews. I can't wait to see your thoughts on this chapter. My apologies for any errors that slipped by. I think my eyes are shot after proofing the first few thousand words, but I did try.

A/N #2, Someone mentioned the spelling of Dr. Gall. It was Gall in the episode subtitles, though I read it did appear as Gaul in the Official Companion season one. At the end of the day, I had to pick one, so I just took the original spelling.


	21. Chapter 21

Blaze's home seemed set deep in the woods, though the property was just off the main road at the cusp of town. His vet practice was roadside, while the horse sanctuary and his house were a quarter mile back, each set off towards opposite ends of the property. Not only was Blaze's farmhouse cozy and inviting, it had a wrap-around porch Elizabeth adored.

John was leaned back against the white porch rail as casually as he would the side of her desk on Atlantis. His jacket was draped over the rail and his shirt sleeves were loosely rolled up. Maybe there was a hefty sense of relief involved on all sides now things had been…clarified and tensions eased, but while her nerves were still singed from stress from the past days, the men were interacting with a comfortable ease that made them seem like they'd spent the afternoon drinking beer and watching football. Elizabeth curbed her urge to shake her head and mutter the word "men" and instead focused on just being grateful for the peace.

Brooke bolted out the front door and paused as she glanced around. "Oh good, everyone's smiling." She edged her way into the middle of the group and abruptly threw her arms around John. Her head just came up to John's shoulders and she almost looked like a child flattened against him.

"Umm…hello?" John held his hands pointedly away from Brooke. He looked over her head and cast an imploring gaze towards Elizabeth.

"Brooke, he's not the UPS driver. You can't go around hugging every man who shows up on the front porch." Blaze reached for his sister and gently extracted her off John.

"Sorry." Brooke stepped back, but she stayed in motion, bouncing on the balls of her feet. "Aiden's mentioned you enough that I kind of feel like I know you."

"Ford?" John's eyes snapped back towards Elizabeth. "I thought he took a foundation job in D.C.?"

All thoughts of formal introduction between John and Brooke fell away with that question and she inwardly cringed. She'd been all caught up in her own problems and had never thought to tell Aiden that John was in. "He's here now. He wanted to be involved with the equine therapy center."

"Equine therapy center?" John's eyes flashed to Blaze and back to Elizabeth.

Her forehead crinkled in concentration as she reflected back. That project had started in early January, before their communication had been cut off, though she had been all caught up in the whole was she/wasn't she pregnant thing during that time. Intentionally or inadvertently, she'd forgotten to tell him and it was probably just as well, that would have only added fuel to his anger during their months apart.

She laced her fingers through John's. "For those struggling with PTSD, it was one of the first branches of the foundation we were able to launch. It was easier since the sanctuary already existed." She hesitated and squeezed his hand. "We have a lot to catch up on, John. You and Aiden too. I'll get you his number, you should see him while you're here. I'm sorry, I should have thought of it before now, but I was caught up in…everything." And she knew it would do John good to see Aiden thriving. Maybe even let him put some ghosts to rest.

John held her eyes as he nodded.

"What are you doing now?" Brooke looked from couple to couple.

"We're heading out. We were just about to move the presents over to my SUV," Elizabeth said.

"You don't have to move them." Brooke pulled out her phone and glanced at the screen. "We'll just follow you out to your house. We were already going into town to pick up some dinner."

"We were?" Andy turned towards Brooke, eyeing her skeptically.

"Yeah, don't you remember?" Brooke nudged Andy. "I wanted Angelinos and it's on the way. We can grab John and Elizabeth some food too. It's almost seven and I bet Elizabeth's hungry."

Andy smiled and started nodding, still holding Brooke's eyes. "And she does like Angelinos."

She eyed the pair carefully and couldn't help but think there was an ulterior motive of Brooke's… and one that Andy had already zeroed in on. At the moment, Brooke's offer seemed harmless enough and Elizabeth was hungry.

"Pizza good?" She cast her eyes to John.

He pushed off the porch rail and grabbed his jacket. "Pizza's great, as long as it's really pizza. Not some gourmet nonsense with veggies, no cheese and what I call two bites, they call a large pizza."

She wasn't surprised he was hungry. As much as he aggravated her over her appetite, he never ate much when he was on a mission. He'd munch on a power bar at most, but made up for it in the following days.

"Don't worry, Elizabeth's appetite is finally catching up to her pregnancy. She'd probably kick me in the shin if I came in without something substantial." Blaze grinned.

"And it's a real Italian restaurant, generous portion sizes are a matter of pride." Elizabeth's eyes drifted down towards the cars. "If you're all coming to the house, will one of you drive my SUV out?" While she felt better now, it was probably best she not drive at all until she put a good meal and good night's rest behind her.

"I got it," Andy said. "Blaze's skin starts to crawl anytime he thinks about anyone else driving his truck, though he's going to have to cave one day."

"Don't expect me to cave anytime soon."

"He won't let me drive it either." Brooke never looked up from her phone, her thumbs flew over the screen as she texted.

"Brooke, you couldn't see over the steering wheel. You can hardly climb up into the truck without help." Andy laughed and looked down when Shadow started nosing around his hand, demanding his share of attention. "I'll take Shadow too. Looks like John's got a rental and they might not take kindly to getting dog hair all over the car. That beast is shedding like crazy."

Minutes later, they finally made it to the passenger side of John's rental. Brooke came trotting up as John opened the door.

"Hey, you forgot your bag." Brooke shoved the purse towards John and pulled Elizabeth into a quick hug. "See you soon!" After releasing Elizabeth, Brooke spun around and skipped back towards the house.

John handed Elizabeth the bag. "Is it me or is she a little too happy over the idea of pizza?"

"Brooke is usually a little too happy about everything, but even for her, this seems excessive. She's up to something."

"Should we be worried?" John reached in the car and grabbed his sunglasses and a package from the seat. The package was wrapped in butcher paper and tied with twine. A single red rose was tucked through the twine.

"She uses her mischievous powers for good, not evil. It'll be fine." Elizabeth nodded towards the package. "What's that?"

"Didn't seem right to show up empty handed." He waited for Elizabeth to settle into her seat and he passed it back to her. "Open it up if you want."

A present was unexpected and it seemed… insanely sweet, actually. She pulled the rose out and inhaled the rich scent, watching as he crossed around the front of the car. It was hard to believe, at the same time yesterday she'd been on a plane mentally packing her bags and tonight John was driving her home. The past days had been a whirlwind and she could only imagine the physical and mental toll it had taken on John. She could see the fatigue in his eyes, but he hid it well. He looked entirely too good for someone who had been through what he had that week.

"Where did you find a gift?" She asked as John opened the driver side door. There was a coffee cup in the car's console from the shop in town. He'd obviously had a busy afternoon. Not just coffee and purchasing a gift either, from the size of the bag he'd brought, she doubted he'd packed the outfit he was wearing now. She'd left him to sleep, but she should have known relaxation wouldn't come easy. Once again, she'd been thoughtless, though, at the moment, John didn't seem any worse for off for it. In fact, he seemed endearingly excited.

"If I told you, it would ruin the surprise." John sank into the seat of the car. "Go ahead." He nodded towards the gift.

The look of delight on his face reminded her of the day he and McKay had discovered the personal shield, though she shouldn't have been surprised. John had always had enjoyed giving gifts, even more than he seemed to enjoy receiving one of his own.

She pulled the wrapping away. Her breath caught as she discovered what appeared to be a rare, vintage copy of Grimm's Fairy Tales. It's binding was leather with rich colorful artwork on the cover. She pulled it open and flipped through the pages, her eyes stretching wide as she realized it was still in mint condition.

"This is amazing." She turned to John, smiling in delight. "I love this."

"I thought you might. Found it at that book dealer's shop in town. He wrapped for me. I know the paper wasn't right, but it was all he had." He shot her one of his lopsided grins that never failed to scramble her thoughts. "Just don't ask where I got the rose."

~v~v~v ~

The afternoon heat had finally abated and the symphony of locusts were just getting warmed up for the nightly performance when John dropped into the Adirondack chair beside hers and drew in a long sip of beer. He'd traded his button down shirt for a t-shirt and, between his unruly hair and the scruff on his face, he looked like he'd just gotten out of bed.

It seemed crazy, hours ago she was teetering on indecision and now the combined thought of him and bed heated her body in a way that had nothing to do with the July weather. She slipped out of the light sweater that covered her sleeveless dress while trying to reign in her racing thoughts. It almost seemed too easy, as if they were circling back to this point too quickly, but then again, there was nothing left standing in their way, nothing except themselves.

"You should have waited for reinforcements." Elizabeth reached out and trailed her fingers down his arm. She found herself constantly reaching for him as if still trying to prove he was really there. "They would have helped you carry my boxes back in."

"If I hadn't of been an ass at the SGC, your boxes wouldn't have been the garage to start with. I didn't think anyone else should have to deal with my mess." His eyes slid sideways to meet hers before turning back to the lake. "You know, there wasn't as much to carry up as I would have expected. Where are the rest of your things?"

"In the attic. There isn't much else, really. Books, mementos from travels, and some family pictures."

"Why didn't you unpack any of them? If it wasn't for the forty-pound bag of dog food in the pantry, no one would know you'd ever been here."

"Don't forget the dog hair. No amount of vacuuming seems to get rid of it." Her joke failed to bring a smile to his face. "What did you expect to find? Dozens of candles and bowels of potpourri?"

"Just looking for signs that you ever intended to stay. It wasn't just yesterday that made you pack, you never moved in, not really." He took another sip of beer.

She tilted her head towards him. "Your brother invited me stay here, John, but you didn't ask me to move in. I didn't even know it was your house until Suzanne told me." Her voice was soft and her tone, she hoped, non-judgmental. "If you want me to move in permanently, maybe you should ask."

"I asked you to marry me, that didn't go so well." He muttered, before glancing sheepishly sideways, almost seeming surprised he'd said the words aloud.

"I didn't say no to marriage, I said no to eloping. Maybe next time you should try the traditional route, get a ring and maybe make sure you're not getting on a spaceship an hour later. You know, something like that." She couldn't keep the corners of her lips from twitching. "Actually, I never really cared about the ring, but the spaceship an hour after the wedding is a deal breaker."

He threw her a simmering sideways glance that spiked her heart rate up a notch. "I'll keep that in mind. And I want you to move in. I should have told you about the house. Did you look at the papers in the lock box?" He set the bottle of beer down on the deck.

"Just last night." She admitted.

He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "I should have told you about all of it. I was going to tell you, it's just…I just saw the look on your face when you saw the will and healthcare directives. After that, it seemed selfish to worry you because of something I was doing to worry less. If that makes sense."

She really hadn't thought about it that way, but from John's perspective, it did make sense. "You realize it's a little crazy for the two of us to have a house this size."

"Three of us." He corrected. "For now anyway. And I'd imagine we'll have our share of house guests over the years and I don't just mean our family." He looked back towards her. "If you're up for it, I'd like to invite my team out while Atlantis is here."

Her eye settled on the boat tethered to the dock and her mind flashed forward through humorous thoughts of John and Ronon torturing Rodney by way of water sports. Teyla, she thought, would like the horses and the serenity of the estate. "You should ask them, but it might be hard to coordinate leave time. Any idea what your schedule will be like while Atlantis is here?"

"Carter gave me thirty days of leave. We can get the baby's room set up while I'm here, finish getting whatever we need."

Thirty days. A crush of relief flowed through her chest. She'd assumed he'd be heading back in just a few days. She shoved to her feet and walked towards the deck's railing.

Whatever they needed. John's words flipped on the cacophony of thoughts planted by her baby shower guests. So many conflicting do's and don'ts, along with never ending shopping lists filled with oddly named items, and she still had no idea what half of them were. Not only that, her doctor had been harping on her to finalize a birthing plan and she hadn't even started narrowing down lists of baby names. And pre-school…

"Have to get in applications for schools early." She mused. That one had been important, she remembered, almost every guest had mentioned that one.

She felt the press of John's body behind her.

"I could feel your brain kick into to overdrive all the way over in my chair." His arms wrapped around her. "I think we have time to think about college."

She turned to face John. "Not college, pre-school."

"Pre-school?" His face twisted adorably in confusion. "Seriously?"

"Apparently it's a big deal." She shrugged and blew out a deep breath, trying to force her streaming worries away with it.

"You weren't just thinking about school were you?" He cupped the side of her face and his thumb strummed along her cheek.

She could tell he was trying not to smile. He'd probably guessed all too easily she'd just had a momentary freak out over her lack of preparation, something she'd been holding in for some time. Maybe it had been intentional, maybe she'd been waiting for his presence so she could give in to some well-deserved panic at her pending turn at motherhood.

She wasn't exactly the most domestic person to begin with. Her cooking skills were subpar at best, her house always seemed cluttered, and, as John had once pointed out, her bedside manner lacking. And yet, the hospital wouldn't blink twice before sending her out the door with a wave and a tiny human to care for. So yes, it rattled her and she didn't care to admit it, at least to John anyway. When it came to talk of babies, he had always been the one who was surprisingly calm and he still had the unerring ability to settle her nerves with a single look.

"What was the trigger? Worried about having everything ready?" He pressed a kiss to her forehead after she nodded. "We'll probably never feel ready, but at least I'll have some time to help now. So, thoughts on having company? Will it add to the chaos or be a welcome distraction?"

She nodded again, still emerging from the daze of momentary panic. "I'd like that." As her mind cleared, she remembered what else John had uttered in the same breath as company. "Wait, you said three of us for now…"

"Well, assuming the first baby doesn't break us-" His words were interrupted as a horn blared. "Hold that thought." John stood up and reached for her hands. "I think the cavalry is here."

John looked like he was trying to hide his amusement as he pulled her to her feet. Her mouth had fallen open, she could feel her eyes stretched wide and her mind was too slowly processing not just the turn in conversation, but the turnabout of the entire day. Hours ago, she'd been in Blaze's office wondering if they could move beyond the past months and tonight, John was planning future children. As much as her instincts again warned her to slam on the breaks and her brain counseled that, rationally, they shouldn't be recovering this fast, she finally realized Suzanne was right. There was no script, there was no normal in relationships. Nothing and no one was holding them back now, nothing except herself. She was ready to get out of her own way.

"Ready?" John's thumb rubbed over her hand.

"Yes. Yes, I am." It felt like a weight had lifted when she shed her final resistance. A forgotten sense of happiness bubbled just under her skin and she felt her eyes grow moist. Damn pregnancy hormones, she thought, smiling all the same.

He looked at her carefully and finally smiled, maybe understanding she was committing to something beyond the short walk to Blaze's truck. He tugged on her hand, pulling her into motion. "Good."

A moment later they joined Blaze as he lifted the cover of the truck bed that was protecting the bounty of gifts beneath. She heard the front passenger door shut, just as Brooke popped out of the back seat.

"I brought a surprise for you, John." Brooke was beaming.

In that second, she realized what Brooke had been plotting earlier. And it wasn't hard to see Brooke's kindness had an ulterior motive, more time for her to spend with Aiden, not to mention a cozy ride back when they left…and Elizabeth didn't expect that to be anytime soon. Brooke couldn't understand the intensity of what John and Aiden had experienced and had no idea what she'd gotten them all into with this impromptu reunion.

"Ford?" John stilled beside her.

He blinked and within his eyes she saw surprise morph to a heart wrenching mix of guilt and relief. Ford had been unconscious both when he'd been recovered and when he'd been returned to Earth, this would be their first opportunity to talk.

She rubbed the small of John's back. "Hey. Let that go." She whispered close to his ear. "He'll interpret guilt as pity and he doesn't need that. He needs a friend, someone who knows what he's gone through." She barely registered Andy and Shadow joining them at the truck.

John wasn't to blame for what happened to Aiden, but convincing him of that had proved all but impossible. He nodded almost imperceptibly at her words and swallowed hard.

"Sheppard!" Aiden crossed around the front of the truck, smiling broadly. "Good to see you, sir."

John walked towards him, a smile finally spreading across his face. Aiden stuck out his hand, but John ignored it and instead pulled him into a brief, manly hug.

"You too, but you need to drop the sir." John stepped back and patted the side of Aiden's shoulder. "You're looking good."

"Feeling good too." Aiden glanced around and hesitated, probably already realizing conversation would be difficult in current company.

"Come on, Brooke, get an armload and make yourself useful." Andy shoved a stack of gift bags at Brooke before she could protest. He filled his own arms with packages before trailing behind Brooke towards the house.

Elizabeth nudged John. "Why don't you two take a walk so you can talk and catch up." And talk freely. Presents would only distract Brooke for so long.

John turned to her with almost an apologetic look in his eyes. She cupped the side of his face and reached up, kissing just beside his ear. "It's okay. Take your time, really. We've got thirty days, remember?"

"Only if you promise to go ahead and eat, don't wait on me." John's hand gently swept the side of her stomach.

"I promise."

"That was weak." John directed his eyes towards Blaze. "Can you-"

"I'm on it," Blaze said. "We'll get some food in her."

Their quick shift of gears was a little unnerving. If she hadn't been so relieved to see them getting along, she would have mustered the energy to protest their conspiring against her. She was the one who had been hungry before they'd even left Blaze's house, but it just showed how well John knew her. It didn't take much for her appetite to wan and her worrying about John and Aiden's reunion was a recipe for just that. She wasn't concerned with them getting along, she just knew the emotional toll of it could tax both men.

As John and Aiden walked towards the dock, she heard Aiden tease John, saying something about "you and Dr. Weir."

John turned to Aiden, his smile stretched wide. "Oh, you think that's funny do you?" His palm landed on Aiden's shoulder and he gave him a playful shove that sent the young man jogging as he caught his balance.

Brooke rejoined them at the truck. "It's good to see him laugh." She nodded down towards Aiden.

"It's good to see you think about someone other than yourself." Andy filled her arms with another load of gifts before she could manage a retort. "Why don't you two bring in the food?" He nodded towards Blaze and Elizabeth as he reloaded his own arms with packages. "All the food, I think we'll be here a while," Andy said, as he started back towards the house.

"Told you." Blaze pulled out a bag a food from the back seat of the truck.

"Told me what?"

"You should have put something in the employee handbook about fraternization." He bit down on his lip, but it didn't quite mask his smile.

Elizabeth swatted at him. "I'm going to pretend you didn't just say that. Again. And they're not dating, though not from Brooke's lack of effort."

"Don't remind me. Brooke doesn't have a subtle bone in her body. Aiden's all right, though. He's the only man she's terrorized in recent memory that I actually approve of."

While she wished Brooke had waited one more night to force this reunion, she did have to admit Brooke was a positive presence in Aiden's life. It had taken Aiden some time to truly start relaxing into the rhythm of civilian life, but he had seemed more like his old self each day spent in her company. While Brooke had shown surprising restraint in her pursuit, Elizabeth suspected it wouldn't be long until she either forced his hand or he caved of his own accord, he was obviously fond of the young woman.

"Brooke's scheming backfired on her tonight." Blaze handed off the bag of food before turning back to grab the stack of pizza. "It's a nice night, how about we all eat on the deck?"

"That would be nice. And I suppose we'd better send some food down to the dock." Elizabeth looked towards the lake thoughtfully. "I don't expect to see them come back any time soon."

~v~v~v ~

The night had stretched on as expected, with John and Aiden lingering in conversation long past dinner. Around nine, Blaze and Andy finally carted a protesting Brooke away. Elizabeth had crawled into bed alone an hour later. After midnight, John crept in pretending he was just letting her know he was taking Aiden home, but in reality, he was looking for the keys for his Jeep.

It felt like she'd slept for days when her eyes blinked open again, she'd been roused from sleep by a door closing downstairs. The other half of the bed was empty and, as her eyes adjusted, she realized Shadow wasn't in his bed or favorite place on the rug. She eased out of bed, glancing at the clock as she pulled her robe from the chair. It was after two in the morning. Even if John had been a little wired after spending time with Aiden, it seemed like he should have crashed of exhaustion long ago.

When she finally stepped into the kitchen, John was leaned back against the island. A steaming cup of coffee was on the counter beside him.

"Hey." He smiled sleepily.

"Coffee?" She moved before him.

"Decaf."

She noticed one of her pregnancy books on the counter behind him. "And a little light reading?" She smiled, as her fingers trailed up his arms.

John shrugged. "I was a having a hard time winding down tonight."

"You should have come to bed." Her fingers swept over his shoulders before lacing behind his neck.

"I figured if I was down here, I'd catch you if you tried to sneak out on me again."

From the look in his eyes, she could tell he was expecting a jab to the ribs or some other retaliation, but instead she stretched up and pulled him into a brief kiss. "Funny. Want to try that again?" She said as she broke away.

A soft crunching noise came from the dining room. She turned her head and noticed all the gift bags and boxes had been emptied and their contents were now stacked neatly into piles, filling the surface of the huge dining room table. Her eyes flashed back to John who looked somehow both proud and guilty all in the same breath. "What did you do?"

From the corner of her eye, she saw him grab the book as he followed her into the dining room. Shadow was on the floor in a huge pile of multi-colored tissue paper. He was rooting around and she couldn't tell if he was playing or trying to make a nest, but it was hard not to laugh as she watched him. Her eyes darted back to the table, noting stacks of clothes, piles of diapers, wipes, and all manner of baby paraphernalia, most of which she didn't even know the names for yet.

"John?"

"Seemed like it was bothering you earlier, you had a little moment out on the deck tonight after I mentioned shopping. Your book had a list of recommended baby supplies, so, you know..."

"You inventoried?" Her eyes were wide when she turned back to him. "But you hate paperwork."

He shrugged. "I have to admit it's more fun to inventory ordinance than diaper rash cream, but it wasn't bad."

She laughed at that. She had a feeling she'd be hearing a lot of things come out of John's mouth that she could have once never imagined. "So where do we stand on the diaper rash cream?"

"There's enough to survive the apocalypse. Diapers…not so much."

She glanced around and realized the car seat was missing. "I heard the door, did you-"

"I installed the car seat in your SUV and put the stroller in the back." He sat down and for the first time she noticed his laptop was on the table too. "I found a few cribs online, I think that's the biggest thing we're missing. Come here." He grabbed her hips and tugged her onto his lap.

She glanced back at him, half expecting to see his immediate regret when he registered her weight. "You realize I weigh a little more than you're used to."

"I think I can handle it." His hands eased onto the sides of her stomach. "Take a look at those."

"All cribs look alike to me." She frowned, but dutifully reached forward and scrolled through the list. She went through a few times, each time her eye was drawn back to the same one. "What about this one? It's marked a top safety pick."

"Good choice." He had a mischievous grin on his face. "That one had the least amount of comments from fathers bitching about assembly."

"Glad you have your priorities straight," she teased, as she shifted sideways to lean against him. Her arm draped around his shoulder giving her fingers easy access to play with his hair.

"All things considered, I think the safest crib is going to be one a parent can actually manage to assemble." John turned his head and caught her eyes. "You okay?"

She nodded. She was better than okay. She could feel him, touch him. She leaned forward and kissed his cheek, inhaling the scent of his skin.

"It's just, you look a little like…" He tucked her hair back behind her ear. "I don't know. A deer in the headlights, maybe?"

"It's just hard to believe you're really here, that we're having this conversation. Making plans about the baby together." Her eyes pressed shut when his fingers wove into her hair.

"Just wait until our first argument over something baby related, that'll make it feel real." He nudged her nose with her own. "Or this," he said as his mouth slanted down over her own, kissing her softy. "That make it feel real?"

"It was a good start." Her hand fisted into his hair and she tugged him back against her lips.

This time, their kiss was slow and heated and wrought with need heightened by months spent apart. Her heart rate increased with each press of his lips, each sweep of his tongue and every brush of his fingers as they traced circles down her spine. His hand closed around her hip and he tugged her closer, but still not as close as she wanted to be.

"How are we doing now?" He asked as their lips parted.

"Better." She more panted than spoke, she was still trying to catch her breath after that kiss. She murmured his name as he started mouthing kisses against the slender column of her neck. "Much better." As long as he didn't stop, she thought.

Even with the months of separation, she wouldn't have thought it possible to feel this much desire in her current condition. Not after the sickness in her first trimester, not after the heartache in the remaining months, and not after outgrowing most of the new pregnancy clothes she'd purchased. She should have felt too tired and too bulky, but her body had found a new way to rebel, one she was all too willing to go along with.

She sucked in her breath as the baby landed a well-placed kick beneath her ribs.

John edged back in surprise. "That the baby?" The corners of his mouth twitched when she nodded. "Kids got interesting timing. Or is it always kicking and I only feel it when I'm kissing you?"

He'd made the correlation before she had. "It's not just when you're kissing me, but it is always when you're kissing me." She rubbed her thumb absentmindedly against her swollen lips, already missing the feel of his warm lips pressed against her own. "It could have something to do with my spiking heart rate."

"That doesn't sound good." John's forehead furrowed. "Maybe we should let the baby rest and focus on a different kind of real instead. Like supplies. That store with the crib, they have a location in Fredericksburg, maybe we can head over tomorrow and pick up the rest of the things."

"What things?" Elizabeth's mind was still focused on John's kisses; heart rate be damned.

John leaned forward and flipped the laptop from the web browser to an excel spreadsheet. "Those things."

Her thoughts were still hazy when she peered back at him. "You made a list?"

He swept the hair back away from her neck. "I told you, it seemed like it was bothering you earlier. It really wasn't a big deal." His lips brushed against her neck, spurring a happy shudder of appreciation John didn't miss. "I forgot, kissing is bad idea."

She reached back, gently grasping a tuft of his unruly hair and tugged his mouth towards hers. "Never a bad idea."

"Come on, you need some sleep. You need to let the baby sleep too." He said, when his lips broke away from her own. He tried, and failed, to suppress his smirk as he registered her disappointed pout. "Go on upstairs. Let me lock up and I'll be right up."

~v~v~v ~

Minutes later, John stepped into the bedroom. Elizabeth had already snuggled back into the covers and was thumbing through the pages of the baby book.

"Did you really read all of this?" She turned the book to where he'd tucked in a receipt as a bookmark.

He reached back and pulled his t-shirt off before tossing it on the armchair nearby. "You sound surprised."

Her eyes washed appreciatively over his body. "Hmm?" She looked up and blushed, finding his eyes on her as he unbuckled the belt and pulled it free from his jeans.

"The book," he reminded.

She saw the flash of desire cross his eyes paired with the tiniest hint of a smirk. She peeled her eyes away and tried to turn her attention back to the book. The sound of his jeans hitting the floor seemed a little louder than it should have considering he'd already shed his belt. John cursed softly and squatted down. She heard fabric rustling before the spikes of his hair rose back into view.

He put something on the side table as he stood up. "Why are you surprised I'd read the book?" He looked amused.

"You stretched out War and Peace for years. You've already made it through three-fourths of this book."

"I started from the back. Since you're so close to the end of the pregnancy, it made sense." The bed dipped as he settled onto the bed and stretched out on his side.

She shifted towards John. "Interesting section you bookmarked. Sex and the pregnant couple?"

Never one to embarrass easily, a sensual smile crossed John's face. "Like that, did you? I haven't read it yet, but it did catch my attention." His fingers brushed away the strap of her tank top and he pressed a kiss against her bare shoulder. "You know, you're supposed to be sleeping."

Her fingers wove into his thick hair. "Maybe I was waiting for my good night kiss." She gripped tightly, dragging his face up to hers.

He hesitated only a moment before his fingers clasped around her hip and he responded hungrily to her kiss. She released his hair and her hands worked down his body, hoping she could override his senses before he remembered concerns of rising heart rates and kicking babies. The sleepy haze she was fighting hindered her efforts and she whimpered in protest when he peeled his lips away.

His hand kept a firm grasp on her hip when he pushed away from her. "Goodnight."

Her eyes noted the rise of his chest as he worked to catch his breath. His eyes were heavy with a longing that made her heart catch. She shook her head. "You can't kiss me like that and then say goodnight."

"I didn't get to read everything, but I did get to the part about the importance of nutrition and rest. You need sleep."

She looked at him carefully. "You're being overly cautious."

"I'm…being considerate here."

Elizabeth pushed back from him. "You are staring at my huge stomach." She reached for a pillow and smacked him with it.

"Hey." His eyes crinkled in amusement and he shook his head as he smiled at her. "You need to stop that, probably as much as I need to stop thinking I'm a sick bastard for thinking my pregnant…for thinking you are pretty damn hot. Your stomach is pretty amazing for obvious reasons, but it hasn't exactly been my point of focus. I keep getting distracted by how all the other curves of your body suddenly seem more… generous." His palm swept over the curves of her hip, continuing up her side where his thumb brushed against the side of her breast. "These in particular."

It was a good answer, but she still thumped him with the pillow again. "Nice try. And why are you suddenly being so strange about what you call me? What were you going to say? Your woman?"

John snatched the pillow and tossed it behind her before settling back on his side. "I did catch a section of the book about pregnancy hormones. I think it might be dangerous to answer that question." His thumbs ghosted under the hem of her tank and he settled in closer against her.

"What are you doing?" She asked as he peeled her top up and over her stomach. Not that she planned to protest. His lips hovered over hers and her mouth was practically watering in anticipation.

He nudged her nose with his own. "You, apparently."

The ridiculousness of the conversation seemed to strike them both at that moment and they started laughing. His forehead pushed against hers and she could feel the laughter roll through his body. She angled her head, brushing her lips against his. He laughed even harder when she shimmied closer and her stomach blocked her from the closeness she desired.

"See what I mean? This is a little problematic." John's eyes flashed to hers as he pulled her shirt down back down over her stomach.

"Ingenuity has always been one of your strong points," she reminded as her lips brushed back against his. "I think we can figure it out."

"But-"

She covered his mouth with her own, effectively silencing him. Their laughter quickly faded and she could feel the urgency within his kiss, feel the need coiling in his body. All traces of sleepiness evaporated as each cell in her body started thrumming with an almost electric sense of anticipation. She almost groaned and he wasn't even touching her, just tortuously overwhelming her nerves with the intensity of his kiss. It made her ache for all she wanted and for all she'd missed in the past months. She'd missed the way his body felt beneath her fingers, missed the familiar smattering of scars across his body.

Their kiss turned ragged as her fingers trailed over the coarse hairs lightly covering his chest. Her arm stretched around his side and her nails scratched against his lower back. His ensuing groan rumbled enticingly through their lips and her heel hooked behind his thigh, urging him closer. He shifted, sliding his leg slid between her thighs and, god, she'd missed the way their bodies melded together, missed all the breathy, needy sounds he made when he was at the edge. She wanted to hear that now, wanted his fingers laced through her own, and his eyes locked on hers as he moved within her. She wanted him… and it had been too damn long.

John tore his lips away when her thumbs skimmed beneath the elastic band of his boxer briefs. "What are you doing, Elizabeth?" His sultry tone made it clear he was enjoying every minute of it what she was doing. "We -"

Her lips caught the sensitive spot on his neck and his words were lost to a breathy rumble of appreciation. His arms swept around her and as he pulled her closer, the baby kicked again sending John backing away.

"You need to behave." John's voice rasped in a sinful way that made her want to do anything but behave.

"The baby won't understand that, John." She wasn't sure whether to laugh or growl in frustration.

"I was talking to you. You're the one getting our kid all riled up."

"Have you ever considered it's your voice that it's responding to? Just because you only notice the baby moving when you're that close, doesn't mean it's not moving around when you're not kissing me. Maybe you should finish that reading."

"Funny. I'd have thought you'd find the bookmark more interesting than the section it marked."

"What?" Something in his eyes had her instantly reaching behind her for the book. After she retrieved it, she settled on her back, hesitating only a moment before she split the book open. It was a gift receipt for the estate jewelry dealer in town. The tumultuous mix of sleep, lust and love coursing through her body didn't lend to easy comprehension. She tilted her head towards him. "A gift receipt?"

"I was afraid if you saw what I paid, you'd never wear it. Put that someplace safe, you'll need it for cleanings or if it needs to be sized."

Her heart rattled within her chest. "Wear what?"

"Close your eyes." He swiveled around to the side table without waiting to see if she complied.

Her heart was pounding and the seconds stretched painfully long as she waited. She felt his hand on her stomach and a moment later he finally spoke.

"Open your eyes, Elizabeth."

Her eyes flicked open and her breath caught at the emotion she found in John's eyes. He nodded towards her stomach. She turned her head, spotting a velvet ring box resting at the peak of her swollen stomach. It was open and a diamond ring gleamed brilliantly from within.

"You asked earlier, what I had started to call you. It was actually more of what I want to call you. My wife."

She edged up higher against the pillow when he picked up the box and plucked the ring from within. A crush of emotions flooded her heart and it felt like the world was swirling around her. After months of separation, she'd forgotten just how good love could feel, but it had never felt quite like this before.

"I know I don't say it enough," his voice rasped, "but I do love you."

She'd waited eight long months to hear those words again. Her heart skidded against her ribs and her breath caught in her throat. "And I love you." She reached out and pulled his hand over her heart. "Still yours. Always yours." Her words were almost a whisper, it was all she could manage with the emotion that had welled within her throat.

John's eyes had grown glassy and he swallowed hard. He pulled his hand away and he held up the ring. "As recommended, I have a ring this time."

The corners of her mouth quirked at that.

"And for the record, I looked for one, that day back in D.C. I just didn't find anything that looked like you, not until today." He slid the ring over her finger and smiled when it was finally in place.

He flicked his eyes back to hers. "Marry me, Elizabeth."

A tear slipped from her eye and she stared at him wide-eyed, just completely overwhelmed with raw emotion.

"Whenever you want, wherever you want, however you want." His words came in a nervous rush and she realized she'd taken too long to respond. "Just be my wife."

"Yes."

Before she could say more, his hands framed her face and his mouth descended on hers, kissing her possessively and passionately and she never wanted him to stop. He had shifted onto his side and was laying against her, and could easily feel each kick of the child stirring within her.

Laughter rumbled through their lips when he pulled away. "Like I said before, the kids got great timing."

Elizabeth laughed again. "Still doesn't mean it's my heart rate, it could just be your voice."

"Oh. Well, move over." He nudged her to roll onto her other side. "I can be quiet." He whispered, his breath falling hot on his ear as he spooned tight against her back. "Now see if you can behave."

Behave? He was tortuously pressed up against the length of her body, with his breath hot on her ear and the scruff on his face sending tiny spirals of pleasure racing down her spine. "We just got engaged, I think that gives us the right to misbehave a little."

"Get some rest, I don't think the baby is going to settle down until you do." He casually nuzzled her neck, seeming to have no idea how much he was affecting her. "Maybe the baby is just cranky you've kept it up so much today. It might be more cooperative tomorrow."

"Hmmph." Was the only appropriate response she could manage.

"We're getting married, Elizabeth. We've got a lifetime of misbehaving ahead of us. And I've got thirty days of leave. Plenty of time to start practicing for baby number two or three."

She couldn't help but laugh at that and smile at the thought of a handful of crazy haired kids following in John's wake. The women at her shower had almost been unanimous in their assessment, they said she was carrying low, a sure sign it was a boy. She didn't know about that, but in her mind, she had always pictured them with boys. She'd could too easily imagine a household of Sheppard men to manage, each one a handful in their own right.

Almost immediately, she could hear the change in John's breathing as he settled into sleep. His breath still fell in warm puffs, teasing the sensitive skin on her neck. His hand restlessly groped her stomach and, as he nodded off, it slid over her stomach, coming to a rest on the silky fabric of her panties. She pulled his hand back up to her stomach. A minute later, it slid off the other side of her stomach, falling heavily against her chest.

"John." She hissed, as his hand closed around her breast.

"Hmm." John's murmur of appreciation was the only response she received.

She tugged at his hand, but his whole body had locked into position around her and he wasn't budging. Shit. It was almost déjà vu, he'd done this to her the last time he was home. As she remembered, though, he had made it up to her the following night. That had been the night they'd conceived…and now they were engaged. So much had changed in a year.

She held out her hand and couldn't help but admire the ring. It was art deco, its stunning design a timeless style that hinted of more romantic eras of the past. There was a large diamond at the center, surrounded by smaller diamonds, and they were all larger and of a better quality then she ever would have selected for herself. John was right, she didn't want to know how much it cost.

She blew out a deep breath and gently rubbed her stomach, trying to ignore the heated press of his body spooned tight against hers. Her birthing plan was overdue. Maybe she could figure it out and, in the process, curb the desire still flooding her veins. Thoughts of epidurals and episiotomies ought to do the trick, she thought. Or names. Baby names would be a gentler distraction and it was probably time to create an arsenal of contenders; she already had visions of fending off military themed suggestions like Gunner or Stryker or Jett.

After a few minutes, her body finally started to relax enough for her to appreciate the simple fact that the man she loved had just fallen asleep, holding her tight within his arms. Thirty days, she marveled, she'd have thirty straight days of sleeping within his arms. And they were having a baby. Getting married. A happy little shiver raced down her spine and instead of trying to loosen John's hold, she snuggled back closer against him.

~TBC

A/N: Thanks for reading and reviewing. I can't wait to see your thoughts; I'm expecting to see some love after this one. :) I have lots of crazy travel coming up in the next month, so the updates may slow down a bit, but they will be coming. With the inevitable flight delays and cruddy airport internet, who knows, I may end up getting extra writing time in.

A/N 2: Another long chapter, so you know the drill. I tried, but forgive any mistakes.


	22. Chapter 22

Sunday morning…

The thumping from Shadow's tail greeted Elizabeth when she went downstairs in search of John. She spotted the furball laying at the entrance to the family room and knew John wouldn't be far. She stooped to scratch between Shadow's ears and her stomach immediately got in her own way. After eight months, it seemed she would remember how her body had changed, but old habits die hard. She stood up and trailed behind Shadow as he pattered into the family room.

She'd woken only minutes ago…alone, though considering it was almost noon she wasn't surprised. The hooks of sleep were still tightly gripping her, odd considering she'd slept hours longer than she had in months. Eight months to be exact. It was different when John shared her bed, it always had been. Then, it wasn't only a deeper sleep, it was a longer sleep. A dreamless sleep.

She wasn't sure if John even realized he'd become her talisman against nightmares. Telling most men might add swagger to their step, telling John would only increase the burden that already laid too heavily upon his shoulders. He could too easily guess what drove those nightmares, most were things he held himself responsible for.

"Hey."

She heard John's sleepy voice before she spotted him stretched out longways on the couch. He'd pulled on the rumpled t-shirt and jeans retrieved from the pile on the bedroom floor and he had a familiar book in his hands.

"A little more light reading?" She paused a few feet from the couch, taking a moment to properly appreciate the view.

"I wouldn't call it light. I skipped the labor and delivery section last night. Reading it was more eye opening than my coffee this morning." He adjusted the pillows behind him, propping him up a little higher.

Seeing John rumpled and sleepy always had a ridiculous effect on her. Maybe it was his voice, it was always deeper, more gravelly. Maybe it was his heavy eyes, making them seem more seductive. Maybe it was that she associated this look with him sharing her bed and when she saw him this way, she understood that possessive streak of John's. As her eyes swept over him now, there was only one word that crudely, but succinctly conveyed the enormity of all she felt. Mine, she thought, as her thumb rubbed against the bottom of her engagement ring.

A sly smile spread across his face as he watched her. "You just going to stand there and look at me or are you going to join me?"

She felt more than a little busted. "It's not a bad view." She finally forced her feet back into motion. "Not a bad invitation either."

He shifted his legs and she settled in between them on the couch, resting her back against his chest.

She plucked the book out of hands. "You look a little sleepy for it to have been too disturbing."

"That section should come with a warning, it's not exactly for the faint of heart. I moved on to other things."

"And the sex and the pregnant couple section put you to sleep?" She peered over her shoulder.

His eyes crinkled and he swept her unruly curls away from her neck. "I wasn't reading that part either."

His lips brushed against her neck and she let out a happy sigh. She decided against asking exactly what all he had read and, instead, just focused on the feel of his body wrapped around her own. "I love a lazy Sunday morning." She whispered as he kissed her just beneath her ear.

Visions of crossword puzzles over a leisurely pot of coffee flashed unbidden through her mind. John was too restless by nature and, while each minute they spent on Earth revealed more of a domestic side than she could have ever imagined, she still couldn't quite picture him being able to appreciate that subtle kind of unwinding or even sitting outdoors at a bistro enjoying Sunday brunch.

"Want some coffee? I can make some decaf. No paper, but we can grab one when we go out." John's hands rubbed down her bare arms, sending goosebumps rupturing in his fingers wake. "I always pictured you being a coffee and Sunday crossword type."

She craned her head back, though maybe she shouldn't have been surprised the same thought had crossed his mind. "I didn't quite picture you being the Sunday crossword type."

"I'm more of a Sodoku type, but I can hold my own with the crossword." John's fingers trailed back up her arms. "You should have put on more than just a pair of…whatever those pants are with your tank top. Your skin is cold, you have goosebumps."

"They are sleep capris and the goosebumps are from your hands, not from the cold." Though John had always been like a radiator of heat, everything seemed cool in comparison.

"You feel cold to me." He moved beneath her and their legs tangled together as he shifted them onto their sides. "Good thing I know how to warm you up."

Her mouth dropped open. Words like cocky and arrogant were quickly discarded when he leveled her with a deep kiss that made her toes curl.

"I've been waiting all morning to do that," he said, when his lips broke away.

Her fingers laced behind his neck and she pulled until his lips covered hers again. They were warm and firm and worked industriously against her own rousing a heat that pulsed like lava through her veins.

"Did you hear a car door?" His words came in a rush when their lips parted for a second.

"It's probably Joe." She kept pressure firm on his neck until his lips brushed hers again.

"That was definitely a door."

He didn't seem too concerned as his lips trailed below her jaw and he started kissing her neck.

"Shadow would be barking if it was someone he didn't know," she murmured.

"Yes, I'm familiar with that greeting." His lips found their way to the sensitive skin above her collar bone.

"Found them!" Suzanne's voice rang through the family room.

Their heads turned towards the intrusion and John groaned when Dave flipped on the bright overhead light.

"You two going to sleep all day?" Dave grinned as he stepped deeper into the room.

"They weren't sleeping, they were making out," Suzanne smiled broadly.

John untangled himself from Elizabeth. "Vegas wasn't enough fun? You're back kind of early." John sat up, pulling her along with him.

"It's almost noon. I landed in D.C. two hours ago, didn't you get my text?" Dave shook his head, smiling at the two of them. "But I guess you've been busy."

Elizabeth knew she looked just as rumpled as John. She reached to smooth her hair, already knowing her efforts would be in vain.

"Suzanne." John eyed her carefully. "Always a pleasure."

"Take it easy on him, Suze." Elizabeth reached up and squeezed John's shoulder. "He was up half the night inventorying baby supplies."

"That's what you're going to lead with?" Suzanne's smile stretched wide as she stepped closer. "I'd have thought maybe the rock on your finger would have been a better starting point."

"What did you say?" Dave looked around the room. "What about a rock?"

Elizabeth brought her hand down and smiled as she gazed at the ring. "It was a busy night."

"I can see that." Suzanne grin turned mischievous.

"What rock?" Dave rubbed his bleary eyes as he turned back to John.

"I guess you did Vegas right after all." John looked like he was enjoying Dave's confusion.

"Took you long enough to buy a ring." Suzanne's eyes narrowed as she looked at John.

"Suze." Elizabeth's eyes went wide. "He-"

"You're engaged? Oh, that kind of rock. God, I really could use more coffee." Dave glanced over to Suzanne. "And you're right. It's about time."

John stood up and straightened out his clothes. "It's not like there's a Tiffany's on each corner in…where I've been."

"Thank goodness for that, Elizabeth probably would have said no if you'd have bought her something from Tiffany's." Suzanne glanced back to Dave. "Just so you know, I'm fond of all colors, but there is a special place in my heart for the baby blue of those Tiffany's boxes."

"So John and I can't shop together for holiday gifts, duly noted." Dave laughed. "Not that John would be around for that anyway."

"Hey-"

"John, we wouldn't give you a hard time if we didn't care." Suzanne reached up to hug John. She tightened her grip when John tried to pull away a second later. "Break her heart and I don't care how scary you are in soldier mode," she quietly hissed towards his ear, "I'll find a way to hurt you."

Elizabeth hopped off the couch as quickly as she could when she heard her friend's words. "Suzanne, we've-"

"And congratulations." Suzanne's expression completely softened as she released John. "When are we going to get you down the aisle? Not that I think anyone is a flight risk or anything, but there is the little matter of a pending delivery in thirty days or less."

"And John's leave will be over in under thirty days." Elizabeth's heart fell. It had all happened so quickly, she hadn't had time to even consider the wedding itself, but now that Suzanne had brought it up, she realized the challenging time frame was going to make things difficult. "We might have to wait a while. I don't think we could pull it off before then, not to mention your wedding is this week and then you'll be gone ten days on your honeymoon."

"You get thirty days of leave? That sucks." Dave's face crumpled.

"Nice. Thanks." John's tone was sardonic.

"No, what I meant was, how is it you get all that leave when I'll be gone for half of it? I told you Suze, the pictures are nice and all, but those flights to Fiji take too damn long."

"Everyone goes to Costa Rica and Jamaica. You'll change your mind when you see our private little hut over the water." She turned to Elizabeth. "It has its own pool and everything."

"Suze, what if Elizabeth goes into labor while we're gone?"

"But her due date is almost four weeks out. And if you remember, those tickets were booked months before Elizabeth finally told us she was pregnant." Her eyes cast to John. "She waited over five months to tell us, did you know that? Not even her mother knew."

John's head snapped sideways. "Five months? Why…" His voice trailed off and she saw the flash of pain through his eyes. "You didn't tell them until after I missed leave."

He wasn't wrong. That's when she finally accepted that she was in this pregnancy alone for the long haul. At the time, she never could have dreamed Atlantis or John would be here now.

He turned towards her and cupped the side of her face with his palm. "You shouldn't have been alone." His voice was barely audible.

"We need to let that go. All that's over now." She whispered just before his lips brushed against hers.

"You realize the due date isn't a firm schedule, it's an estimate." Dave kept at Suzanne.

"But it's Elizabeth, she does everything in a timely manner. Everything except get married. We can figure out over brunch, they just have to decide if they want to get married pre or post baby and then I'll take care of the rest. Well, John's credit card and I will take care of the rest."

John kissed Elizabeth's forehead before turning back towards Dave and Suzanne. "Like I'm giving you a credit card." His arm slipped around Elizabeth's back.

Suzanne was completely nonplussed. "No worries, the family accountant adores me. He'll sort out the bills for me."

"Did you say brunch?" Elizabeth asked hopefully before John could offer any kind of retort.

They all laughed at that and she rolled her eyes. "Go ahead and laugh at the pregnant one, but you'll be the ones suffering if I get too hungry."

"Geez, I can vouch for that." Suzanne plopped down on the cushioned end chair. "Go on and get dressed, lazybones. I want to check out that new restaurant on the lake, they have outdoor seating and are supposed to have amazing brunch. I can almost taste the mimosa now."

"Go on up, I'll make sure they don't burn the place down while you're getting ready." John kissed her lightly. "Still want some coffee?" He asked Dave as Elizabeth headed for the stairs.

"I want coffee." Suzanne pipped up. "And by the way, you two are brothers and haven't seen each other in months. So awkward man hug already. It's what family does, you heathens."

Elizabeth laughed at the expressions on both men's faces and headed up the stairs.

~v~v~v~v

The day had ended up being anything but a lazy Sunday. After brunch, Dave and Suzanne had joined them on the excursion for baby crib shopping. They had an ulterior motive, a scheduled stop by a formal wear store to get John's measurements for a suit. They hadn't anticipated John being in town for the wedding, but now that he was, Dave had asked him to serve as best man. Suzanne wasn't hearing of John buying a suit off the rack, someone was making them custom for all the groomsman. Elizabeth didn't even want to know what Suzanne was doing to get one made within a week or how much it would cost her to do so.

After the baby superstore, Dave and John had been tempted by the big box electronics store in the same shopping plaza. Even Dave had been amused watching John shop. "It's like he hasn't been inside a store with video games in five years," he'd joked, hitting uncomfortably home to the truth.

The digital camera hadn't been the only thing that had gone into the shopping cart. A video game console, a pair of wireless controllers and a half dozen games later they'd finally made it to the checkout. She'd stopped the running mental tally on the purchases because even if John wasn't sitting on a couple of inheritances, it wasn't as if he'd spent much of his real pay check over the past years.

Once they'd arrived back at the lodge, video game set up took precedence over the crib assembly and Elizabeth would have never dared to complain. She enjoyed the childish delight of both brothers and, in spite of the crap as Suzanne gave them, she knew her friend did as well.

"You should have let me take the fancy camera John bought. They look ridiculous up there wrestling with that baby crib. It's the most adorable thing I've ever seen, not that you're allowed to ever tell them I said that." Suzanne collapsed into the Adirondack chair next to Elizabeth's and gulped a sip of wine.

They'd enjoyed a casual dinner off the grill before Suzanne decreed it brother bonding time and waved them off to deal with the crib. That had been an hour ago. Suzanne had just returned from an obligatory check-in to make sure the baby's room was becoming less of a wreck rather than more of one.

"You think it would inflate their egos to call their struggle with a crib adorable?" Elizabeth laughed. "And I left the camera on the dining room table, by all means take it up to catch some video. I just wish we'd had the camera in the baby store."

In the store, the women had been distracted by the overwhelming cuteness of all things tiny while the men had been task oriented and focused on checking things off the list. Once the list had been dealt with, they'd circled back through and Elizabeth wasn't sure who it had affected more, herself or Suzanne, but seeing those men with tiny hats, socks and all kinds of adorable baby toys would have melted the heart of the Grinch.

"John seemed a little frustrated in the store." Suzanne turned her head towards Elizabeth. "Not knowing if it was a boy or girl you were shopping for."

Elizabeth was familiar with the feeling. At first, she'd wanted to wait for John to find out the sex of the baby. When it became apparent she couldn't wait for John, she'd convinced herself she liked the charm of the old fashioned surprise of not knowing. She'd really been stalling and holding out hope John would somehow find his way back to her. Now that he had, she was on the same page with John, but they were so close to the end, she almost hated to cave.

"If you decide you want to know, I, umm… I may have accidentally seen the results."

"Accidentally?" Elizabeth's brow arched. Suzanne had become John's stand in at the many doctor's appointments that had occurred in the last three months.

"Well, accidentally gave in to my need to know and I stood too close when the doctor updated her notes in your chart. I saw the entry from that ultrasound." Suzanne had the grace to look somewhat embarrassed. "I know, I'm sorry, and no, we don't need to have the boundaries talk again. But, if you two decide you want to know…open this." Suzanne pulled a wrapped package out of her carryall and slid it towards her.

Elizabeth felt a prickle of annoyance. Her friend had not just overstepped, she'd exceeded boundaries by leaps and bounds. But in the same breath, she felt a surge of exhilaration. She'd waited so long and the answer she wanted wasn't only within reach, it was within her hands. Elizabeth held the present away, half afraid she'd tear into it without thought and without John.

"How long have you known?" She finally asked.

"A few months. That's punishment enough, trust me. You've no idea how hard it's been to not just tell you." Suzanne had pulled out her phone and was jabbing at the keyboard.

"Did you tell anyone else?" Elizabeth's heart lurched. It would have been all too easy for Suzanne to slip up and tell Brooke or even Blaze.

"Believe me, I wanted to, but I knew you'd never forgive me. I haven't even told Dave."

"Then who are you texting?"

"I'm not texting, I'm sexting." Suzanne's brow's popped mischievously. "Dave's been gone for three nights. I'm ready for him to get his ass down here and drive me home so we can practice making babies of our own."

"Sexting?" Elizabeth laughed, silently damning her friend for making it so difficult to stay angry with her.

"Exactly. I'm telling him-"

"You don't have to tell me, it's not difficult to figure that one out."

"You laugh, but you should be glad we, at least, had the courtesy to flirt privately. You and John have been engaging in some steamy eye sex all day and you've hardly taken your hands off each other. It's like you are newlyweds."

Elizabeth's cheeks burned, she knew her friend was speaking the truth. Even now, her skin was prickling uncomfortably just because John wasn't in the same room with her and each second they were apart she felt a little more jittery, like she was going through sensory withdrawal. It wasn't just her, John had come downstairs a ridiculous amount of times for water or other supplies he didn't really need and he never returned upstairs without a soft simmering kiss or a lingering touch.

Their euphoric haze of rediscovery was going to make the coming day an exercise in torture. She'd been emailing back and forth with Sam trying to nail down transportation for a trip to Atlantis, a trip John would insist on joining. They didn't really stand a chance in hell of maintaining a sense of professional separation and just because they didn't have to hide it, it didn't mean they should flaunt it. And if Caldwell had made it back…she shuddered at the thought.

"Elizabeth, I've got to ask. If it wasn't for my wedding this week, would you want to get married before the baby is born?"

She hesitated. She'd never been a traditionalist in that sense, but if it had been her choice, she would prefer they be married before. It seemed important for reasons she didn't completely understand, it stemmed from something she felt deep within more than from any kind of logical consideration. Fear was probably a natural part of that longing, after everything they'd been through, she instinctively wanted to rush them both down that aisle.

Before she could respond, the door to the back deck swung open and Dave emerged.

"Hi babe. What's up?" Suzanne had plastered a look of innocence upon her face.

"As if you don't already know the answer to that." Dave shook his head, but he had sly smile on his face. "Goodbye, Elizabeth. We need to hit the road."

"Where's John?" She stood up alongside Suzanne.

"Tightening up everything on the crib, we got it put together though."

Dave had Suzanne's hand and he pulled her towards Range Rover walking faster than Elizabeth may have ever seen him move before.

Suzanne may have been pushing Dave to leave, but even she seemed surprised by the abrupt departure. "Dave, why-"

"Read my response to your last text." There was a familiar look of intense determination on Dave's face, one she had seen time and time again on his brother.

Suzanne squealed when Dave all but lifted her into the passenger seat. Elizabeth could still hear her laughter as Dave steered the car down the driveway. She smiled wryly as she watched the car disappear. With any luck, Suzanne and Dave wouldn't be the only one's practicing making babies that night.

She finally locked up and made her way upstairs to their bedroom. After depositing Suzanne's present on the bedside table, her eyes panned the room and she smiled to see some of John's things scattered around. With Dave's help, they'd brought down some of both of their boxes from the attic and over the course of the afternoon, more of their own photos, mementos and other personal items became interspersed throughout the large home.

John had halfheartedly suggested they move into the formal master bedroom, but Elizabeth couldn't imagine him being comfortable in what had once been his parent's bedroom, even if they did a massive overhaul. The only difference in size was the cavernous master closet, one that Elizabeth and John would have never filled. Beyond that, she liked this wing. She was comfortable in this bedroom and loved the balcony overlooking the lake. The library was just next door and it now held two boxes of items that had been in her Atlantis office, but that unpacking could wait for another day.

They'd designated the bedroom across from theirs as the baby's room. After crossing the hall and entering the doorway, she instantly wished she'd had brought the new camera with her. John was laying in the floor and Shadow was sprawled across his chest, happily wiggling as John scratched his back. She leaned back against the wall and watched. In that moment, it was all too easy to picture John down in the floor playing with their child.

"Do I want to know how many extra parts there were?" Elizabeth smiled as John glanced up towards her.

As Dave said, the crib was in one piece and the box and debris stacked in a neat stack beside it. They'd already stored the mattress and bed frame that had previously been in the room in the attic earlier that day.

"The crib is solid, I put Shadow in it just to make sure." He shot her a lopsided grin. "And there weren't extra parts, there are spare parts. There's a difference."

"I think I may have lost my dog. He's been following you everywhere. I can't believe he let you put him in the crib."

"I haven't had a dog since Dave rescued Bunny. I forgot how cool they can be." John climbed to his feet and Shadow jumped up right alongside him. "And he seemed to like the crib, the mattress is about the size of his dog bed."

Great. Good thing he was well trained or Shadow would be climbing in to sleep with the baby. "Think you can tear yourself away from him tomorrow? Sam is trying to get me a ride out to San Francisco. The military has secured a private hangar there so we can get crew in and out of Atlantis without raising too many eyebrows."

John's eyes snapped up to meet hers. "You're going to Atlantis?"

"I want to see the crew, everyone's been through a lot this week. Plus, you said you still needed to go over leave schedules and supplies orders with Lorne."

He moved towards her. "You think that's a good idea? If people were making assumptions about us when you were still on Atlantis, they'll be no denying it now. The ring, the baby." His hands closed around her hips. "And there is the little problem of me not being able to keep my eyes off you."

"Or your hands." She laughed as her palms trailed up his arms. "We don't have to hide it now." Her fingers laced behind his neck and she angled her mouth towards his. Despite Suzanne's joking complaints, she hadn't had a decent kiss since that morning and she was craving the feel of his mouth fused against her own.

"But then you could never come back, not like before."

Elizabeth sighed and loosened her grip on John's neck. "I still don't know that I want to. But if I do and if we're already married when I take the job…it checks out per military regs as long as someone else is listed as your official CO. Jack made that very clear to me."

John's shoulders tensed. "O'Neill knows?"

"I didn't tell him." Elizabeth gave a little shrug. "Like you said, people have been making assumptions for a while. Sam knows, but I didn't confirm it with anyone else. You don't have to tell them all if you don't want to."

"You sure you're up for everyone finding out? And for visiting Atlantis itself, how are the panic attacks these days?" John backed up, eyeing her carefully. "I should have already asked about that, I wasn't thinking."

She hesitated only a moment. "I haven't had one in months, not since reading the mission report where Michael was killed." There was no point in lying, he'd never believe her. Besides that, one panic attack in almost eight months was a huge step forward for her, more progress than either she or her therapist had hoped for.

"The full report?" John cursed under his breath. "Who the hell sent that to you?"

She tried not to bristle at that the way that sounded, she knew what he meant. John knew she was particularly sensitive about everything that involved Michael. Asurans notwithstanding, of all the decisions she'd made in the Pegasus Galaxy, nothing haunted her more than memories of watching the Wraith feed on John, but her involvement in creating Michael was a close second due to all the havoc he'd created in their lives.

"I get copies of all the reports each week, John. No one report gets singled it out, though some are flagged for importance."

"Always? Since you first got back to Earth?" John flinched and diverted his eyes when she nodded in confirmation. He released her waist and took a step back.

Elizabeth reigned in her urge to drag John back. "When I got back to Earth, the IOA routed them each week after the data burst. Now the SGC is forwarding them directly."

"I should have realized." John raked his fingers through his hair and turned away. "So you knew each time I was injured, each time…shit."

"Would you have taken less risks if you'd known?" It was probably easier for him knowing she wouldn't be standing in the control room, watching the Stargate, anxious and waiting for his return. Would he take less risks if he had to look her in the eye each time he returned? Probably not, but it was a nagging fear she'd carried with her these past two years.

John's eyes strayed back towards the crib and she finally understood his unease. He was concerned for the risks he would continue to take and for the worry that would continue to plague her. His self-imposed emotional isolation had long provided a needed buffer against that type of distraction, but now he had a family to think about…and he would. Elizabeth had no doubt he'd step up whenever and wherever he was needed, without hesitation, but the way he evaluated risks and necessity of action would change whether he realized it or not. There would always be a small piece of his mind factoring his family, even in those slit second decisions.

"It'll be easier now, John. People will know about us, that means they'll make sure I know what's going on if you do get injured. We'll have the Gate Bridge, no more months spent apart. And it doesn't have to be just you going back and forth. The major branches of the foundation are up and running, that will free me up to spend some time on Atlantis as well."

"With the baby? You'd do that?"

It wasn't an easy decision and one that had come after much internal debate, but Suzanne was right, if they were going to be together, they had to find a way to actually be together and she couldn't put that all on John when she had the ability to do more than wait at home. "Jack said okay, though to be fair, he may have approved it thinking you'd shoot the idea down. And Teyla has her baby there, there is a precedent."

"Yeah and Teyla kicked Michael off the side of the building to protect that baby."

"Teyla?" She knew there had been something more than what was in the filed report. She took a deep breath. "Then we'll let Teyla babysit on date night and know our child's in good hands."

The corners of his lips twitched at that and she finally saw some of the tension relax from his shoulders.

"So do I have to wait to get you back in the Pegasus Galaxy to actually take you on a date?" John closed the gap between them and he reached for her, his fingers trailing along the side of her face.

"Considering I agreed to marry you and move in with you…not to mention I'm carrying your baby, it's a pretty safe bet I'd say yes to a date before then."

"We really are doing everything kind of backwards, aren't we?"

"For me maybe, but you've never really walked the line of convention."

"Are you insinuating I'm corrupting you?" He leaned over her, bracing his hands against the wall.

She fisted a handful of his shirt and lightly tugged, urging him even closer. "I think I made it clear last night, I'm completely amenable to your type of corruption."

His mouth hovered over hers, but instead of kissing her, his mouth veered toward her ear. "I'm going to take out my dog." He pressed a quick kiss to her cheek before pulling away.

"Your dog?" Elizabeth was reeling from the about face and it took her a moment to follow John and Shadow into the hall.

John paused at the top of the stairs, laughing when he saw her halfhearted scowl. "I thought the fact I'm taking him out would be more important that what I called him. After all, it'll get you into bed faster."

She glanced into their bedroom. The clock on the bedside table showed it was just after nine, it was a little early for bed...unless he had something other than sleep in mind. She arched a speculative brow towards John. "Does that mean you got around to reading that section of the book?"

"You'll have to wait to find out." He shot her a wicked wink and disappeared down the stairs.

And wait she would. John had never made it back in the house with Shadow in under ten minutes and if Shadow dug up one of the tennis balls he had stashed around the yard, it would be longer than that.

She rolled her eyes before grabbing her phone and earbuds and heading into the bathroom. It had been a long day and a soak in the tub sounded heavenly. She rubbed the side of her stomach, absentmindedly. While the baby had been quite active earlier in the day, it seemed to have settled down a bit, making her wonder if it was starting to get used to John's voice...or her constantly elevated heart rate.

~v~v~v~

Her playlist ended and Elizabeth opened her eyes as she reached for her towel. She immediately startled when she found a furry face and a pair of warm eyes staring back at her.

"Shadow." She tugged out her earbuds and the sound of running water and Shadow's thumping tail filled the room. On the opposite side of the bathroom, steam was rolling out of the shower. The earbuds would have to go at bath time, she decided, but the company wasn't unwelcome…and it came with an incredible view.

The bath water had grown cool and instead of just drying her hands to change the playlist, she picked up the towel and stepped out of the tub. The steam on the glass shower doors somewhat obscured her view, but she couldn't tear her eyes away from the muscular lines of John's shoulders and back.

She was just tying the belt on her robe when John turned towards her. He smirked to catch her gawking and her eyes narrowed as she shot him her best are you kidding me right now look. The bubbles had long faded from her bath and she doubted he'd just passed by the tub without a healthy amount of ogling paired with a hefty dose of lascivious thoughts. His smirk gave way to a knowing, sultry smile and a delicious little shudder raced down her spine. It took more strength than she could have imagined to not drop the robe and join him in the shower, but she finally tore her eyes away and headed for the bedroom, figuring she'd stop while she was ahead. While she understood John's concerns the prior night, there was only so much concern a girl's ego could take.

Instead of heading for her dresser, she perched at the side of the bed and picked up the present Suzanne had left. She noticed now that the paper was battered, crumbled at one end with a tiny tear in the other. Her friend must have carried it in her bag these past months just waiting for the right opportunity.

She was still staring at the package when John strolled in minutes later. He had a towel slung around his waist and, as he leaned over, droplets of water rained down from his wet hair, splattering against the wrapping paper.

"What's that?" He had another towel in his hand he used to swipe around his wet hair. "Leftover baby shower present? Open it up."

Her eyes travelled up over his body at a pace slow enough for him to notice. His eyes were crinkling with amusement when she met them. She'd moved beyond embarrassment, though, instead she just held his eyes letting those unabashed lusty thoughts shine right through. The way she figured it, it was not just her right, but her duty as fiancée to project a healthy sense of appreciation for his body.

"It's not just any present," she finally said. "Suzanne found out the sex of the baby. If we want to know, we open the present."

John's hand darted out for the package and she yanked it back and out of his reach.

"What are you doing?" She laughed. She hadn't expected him to be quite that eager, she'd actually thought he'd be the one who'd want to wait.

The extra towel in John's hand dropped to the floor. "I'm tired of calling the baby it and I missed out on everything else. If we find out now, that's something just you and I can have to ourselves, at least for a little while."

"And Suzanne."

He rolled his eyes. "And Suzanne. I'm just taking it for granted that she knows everything when it comes to us anyway."

"Not everything. And I like that idea. Mostly our little secret until the delivery." It wouldn't have taken much to make her cave, but his reasoning had packed a punch. It was obvious it pained him to have missed so much. She handed over the present. "Why don't you -"

He ripped away the wrapping paper before she even finished the sentence. A note card fell to the floor; it must have been tucked under the wrapping paper along with the present.

She glanced back to John, he was holding a book in his hands. "There was a note card," she reminded. Maybe Suzanne had written the sex of the baby on the card, she wouldn't think a book could be very telling.

He stood frozen staring down at the book in his hand. There was a look of pure unadulterated joy she had never seen in his eyes before.

"John?" She stood up and moved around to see the book.

He swallowed hard and handed it over. The book was called _Rules for My Unborn Son_ and Elizabeth's heart did a little roll almost like she'd gone over a huge hill of a roller coaster.

John bent down and picked up the note card. She could see Suzanne's scraggly scrawl. "John. I knew you'd find your way back to her, after all, my friend wouldn't have picked a complete slacker to fall in love with. Still, I figured you could use all the help you could get with the whole fatherhood thing. Take care of my friend and my nephew or, well, you know the drill." Her friends scraggly signature at the end was barely legible.

John dropped the card and pulled the book from Elizabeth's hands, tossing it carelessly to the bedside table. He turned back and his look of pure unfiltered joy went right through her and she knew she would never forget the way he was looking at her at that moment. His hands closed around the sides of her head and the muscles in his arms rippled with quiet strength as he pulled her closer until his lips fused hot against hers. It was more than a kiss, it was a declaration of all he couldn't manage to say and she was instantly immersed in that heavenly fog of bone-tingling love.

Instead of dialing it back and holding himself away, tonight she could feel all his resistance slip away. It was more than shedding of physical restraint, she could tell from the way his hands moved over her body and by the determined press of his lips. His eyes waited for hers each time their lips parted for air, and each time they locked on hers she felt their unspoken promise. Maybe it was because of the baby or the ring on her finger; maybe it was because he was finally willing to trust the love he found in her eyes, but despite everything he didn't say, she could feel the shift within him. And it was more than trusting her with his heart, he was trusting her with the promise of tomorrow.

The next time their lips parted, his hands carefully framed her face and he edged slightly back and away.

"John?" She was momentarily dazed, confused by the question in his eyes.

His hands lowered, one falling to her back, the other just below her hips. "You're sure?"

Understanding finally, she reached to cup his face. When he ducked lower, she grasped his damp hair and pulled his lips back against hers. "I'm sure." She'd never felt so sure in her life…about everything. Sure that she loved him, sure they were going to create a life together, sure that she needed him now. "Your baby's even behaving for a change." She offered before he could ask.

He gave a soft grunt as he lifted her before settling her back on bed. She maneuvered onto her knees already reaching to pull him back into a kiss as he crawled into bed before her.

"A son," he whispered just before her lips brushed against his.

"Don't forget a wife," she said as she nudged her nose against his.

His eyes emanated with raw intensity. "A family." His eyes held hers as their lips brushed softly together.

From the very beginning, there had been something unusually intimate about each caress of their eyes, but peering into them when they kissed or made love made always made her feel like she was staring into the depths of his soul.

He was still on his knees when he scooted closer. Once again, he held her gaze when their lips brushed.

"Two days ago, I thought the world was coming to an end." His voice was quiet.

"And now?" She tilted her head back as his nose tucked against her neck. His arms wrapped tightly around her and he pulled her as closely as he could with her swollen stomach lodged between them. When he stayed silent, she grasped his hair and drug his face back up to hers. Her breath hitched at the vortex of emotions surging through his eyes.

"Now everything's just beginning." His hands came around her sides as he gently stroked her stomach.

She wasn't sure who moved first, but their lips crashed together. She shifted forward on her knees as she pushed deeper into his kiss. It never failed to catch her off guard how instead of fading over the years, their need and want only seemed to intensify, as had their love. Tonight, she could feel each wave of that synergy rippling between them and her body was already trembling when John shuffled them deeper onto the bed.

There was no beginning or end, their kisses blended together, their lips never completely parting, even when they gasped for air. His hands tangled in her hair as he held her locked against him, kissing her with a focus she couldn't seem to manage. While his lips worked against hers, her hands roamed down his chest and around onto his back. She hadn't forgotten the material standing between them or ignore the growing ache low in her body.

Her fingers delved beneath his towel, jarring it lose as her hands trailed over his hips before circling back to trace the planes of muscles that narrowed to a v shape where his abdomen ended. John captured her wrists and brought their twined hands back up, cupping her face when he pulled away from their kiss.

"Elizabeth," he murmured as he kissed beneath her ear, "we have all night."

He didn't say anything when she wiggled her fingers free, but he pulled back and she could see the warning in his eyes. She knew if she pushed him now, neither one of them would last very long. His face was flushed and his pupils blown. His chest was heaving as hard as her own and she knew, while he had always been more patient than her, he was hanging onto control by a thread. It made her want him even more.

It was more than just about satisfying their desire, it was the mental, spiritual, and physical connection… the culmination of their love. Tonight that union would bridge the gap of what had been, delivering them to what would be.

"We do have all night." She leaned forward, kissing the sensitive skin at the bottom of his throat before working her way toward his ear. Her nails scratched gently on his lower back when she whispered in his ear. "We can torture each other slowly...next time."

His arms swept under her bottom, urging her closer, and he groaned when his fingers brushed the bare skin under her robe. Their mouths were already open when his lips claimed hers again. She couldn't remember ever feeling her nerves clambering so hungrily for more. His tongue thrust against hers, and she whimpered softly, already imagining other parts of their bodies mirroring those movements.

When they came up for air, John's fingers skimmed beneath the top of her robe. The sensations from his hands on her bare skin started overwhelming all trains of thought. He mouthed kisses against her collar bone and shoulder as he shifted around, moving behind her. Prioritizing became difficult. She knew the robe needed to go, but, in the end, she couldn't resist reaching for him first.

"Stay there," he murmured, holding her hips while he tucked in behind her, both still on their knees.

The tie on her robe had unlaced and his busy hands quickly established the many merits of their current position. Elizabeth melted back against him. She was sandwiched between his industrious hands and the hard strength of his body, she only wished she could touch him more easily. And see him, she thought, already missing that unspoken connection. She craned her head back and found his eyes molten and waiting for her. As soon as their eyes locked, his fingers started treading a circuitous path that sent her heart rate rocketing.

Damn, she thought. His eyes flared as if in response and she wondered if she'd actually spoken the word aloud. In her increasingly hazy state, it was entirely possible she had. Of course, it probably wasn't hard to imagine what she was thinking. Feeling. She probably had the same flushed face and dilated pupils he did. She could feel her crazy curls dancing across her bare shoulders and, as her fingers brushed her wet and swollen lips, it made her momentarily wonder what she must look like.

Her robe had fallen and was bunched about her waist. John gently peeled it away and his eyes washed down over her body. "So damn beautiful," he whispered as his mouth slanted down to plunder her own once again.

Her nerves overloaded and she felt the world spiraling around her. She reached back and her fingers threaded through his hair as she pulled away from his lips. She needed to see his eyes, needed him to ground her and shore her up against the maelstrom of emotions and sensations converging within. Her heart jerked as their eyes locked together. His eyes were a riot of the same overwhelming emotions and their bodies stilled for a moment as they both drank it all in.

Finally, John reached back and covered her hand with his own. "I love you, Elizabeth." His words were raspy and barely audible, but it made her heart constrict all the same.

She exchanged her grasp of his hair for the twining hold of his fingers. "And I love you." She barely recognized her throaty voice.

His forehead pushed against hers, bringing that soul penetrating eye lock even closer. His fingers tightened his grip on their laced fingers as his hips pressed lower against hers. Damn, she thought once again as she sucked in her breath. It was the last coherent thought that crossed her mind.

~TBC

A/N: Thank you all for reading and, of course, special thanks to all that take the time to leave reviews. I can't wait to see your comments! I still have weeks of crazy travel ahead, so the next chapter will probably be closer to two weeks than one, but we'll see how it goes.

And if you haven't subscribed for story alerts, please do so. I've been trying to keep this story rated T and, while it hasn't been explicit (and I don't intend to make it so), it's teetered into mature territory from time to time. If I have to up the rating to M, it won't pop up in the update feed unless you adjust your filters to include M rated stories. So…subscribe to story alerts just in case (because if you're still with me at this point, I'm assuming you won't want to miss the coming updates) and PM me if you think the rating needs to get bumped. I might be concerned about visibility for new updates, but I don't want to offend anyone either.

Last, sorry for any errors I made in my haste.


	23. Chapter 23

Monday morning…

Elizabeth leaned back against John as they watched Shadow chase waves along the shore. The morning light shimmered softly off the lake water and she wished for the hundredth time they could have a peaceful lazy day at home instead of the hectic one that lay before them. They'd both risen early to prepare for the trip to Atlantis, each packing a small bag just in case they ended up being away overnight.

While John had hoped to not lay eyes on his uniform for the month, he'd pulled it on along with his dog tags that morning. She was wearing a black dress with a stretchy fabric that was forgiving to her ever expanding waistline. It was sleeveless so she she'd pulled on a black blazer over it. It didn't button anymore, but she still felt put together enough to face what was ahead of her that day. Richard Woolsey had forwarded a tentative itinerary and, while she'd known what was coming, she still hadn't had the heart to tell John about the guests who would be joining them for their visit.

Her phone rang and she tugged it out of her jacket pocket. John circled around to face her as she answered.

Sam's voice was loud enough for John to hear her greeting, but Elizabeth turned on the speakerphone anyway. "Is John with you?" Carter continued.

John rolled his eyes. "Morning, Carter. I hope you're not calling to revoke my leave."

"No, but I wanted to make sure you were joining Elizabeth today."

John's eyes flashed to Elizabeth. "What's going on?" He asked.

"I don't know if Elizabeth's mentioned it, but we've been under intense pressure to schedule VIP visits to Atlantis. We've managed to hold them off a few days while we gathered initial damage estimates and cleared the city for safety, but the President and Secretary of Defense, as well as a few others, are inbound this morning. O'Neill will be there too, but he wanted you both to join them."

A pained look crossed John's face. He looked like he'd rather get a root canal than babysit VIPs. "As long as I don't have to fly commercial, I'm in." John finally said.

Elizabeth tried not to laugh, she should have known that would have been his biggest concern.

"We don't have time to wait for commercial or military transport, I have another ride lined up for you." Sam said. "When can you be ready to head out?"

Elizabeth exchanged a glance with John. "We're ready now, but how-"

"I hoped you would say that. Great. Stand by." Those were Sam's last words before the phone went dead.

John's hand scrubbed down the back of his neck. "I know I'm on leave, but I feel like I should really know some of these things."

"Try checking your email." Elizabeth smiled softly as she moved forward and rested her hand on his chest. "You've been copied on almost everything I've received."

"Oh. So… do they have estimate for repair timeline yet?" John seemed almost hesitant to ask.

"Thirty days is still optimistic. Even if they do manage to bring repairs in ahead of schedule, we're looking at tentatively scheduling departure at a fixed date thirty to forty days out so we can get everyone rotated through leave. We also need to get everyone caught up on all required military training, regulation physicals, and everything else that has fallen by the wayside due to the unique circumstances of Atlantis being so far away. They're not going to set a date without your input, another reason I thought you should come with me."

"There's no other reason?" John's hands wrapped around her waist and he angled his mouth lower towards hers.

"The other reasons to keep you around are rather distracting." She managed before he kissed her.

John abruptly pulled away a moment later. "Did you feel that?" He turned back to the lake.

She watched Shadow bolt up from the lake and start anxiously pacing before them. "I didn't feel anything, but Shadow's certainly acting a little strange."

John stared towards the lake for a long minute, before turning back to her. "I thought…never mind." He still looked pensive, when his hands closed back around her waist.

His lips had just brushed hers again when Shadow started barking.

"Good morning sir. Ma'am."

Elizabeth tilted her head to the side. Evan Lorne was standing yards away from their deck, looking somewhat nervous to be on the receiving end of Shadows teeth baring bark.

"Shadow, down," Elizabeth said. Shadow immediately sat down and looked to her for guidance. "Friend." She smiled as Shadow's tail started thumping. Shadow was a good watch dog, but he was happiest when he was making new friends.

"Sorry to interrupt." Lorne offered as he walked forward and reached a hand out towards Shadow.

"Major." John had turned around and his eyes scanned the yard. "If that gust of air I felt was from a jumper landing, you're forgiven."

Elizabeth saw John's face almost imperceptibly tighten in concentration and a second later she saw the jumper parked in their yard. The landscaping team would be bewildered the next time they were out; it would undoubtedly leave a distinct impression on their lawn.

"John." She gently elbowed him.

He glanced at her in surprise.

"The cloak is kind of necessary don't you think?" Her brow arched pointedly. Considering the relative seclusion of the estate, they always had more than their fair share of visitors. Joe was out once or twice each day to care for the horses, but she wasn't on a fixed schedule and tended to keep odd hours.

"Right," John said and a second later the jumper disappeared. "Lorne, maybe you can give us a heads up the next time. I think you traumatized my dog."

"Your dog?" Elizabeth asked, but he only smiled broadly in response.

"I thought Colonel Carter would have told you, I received my orders from her." Evan nodded towards Elizabeth. "It's good to see you, it looks like congratulations are in order."

"Good to see you, Major. Thank you for picking up the slack so he can be here."

Evan didn't even skip a beat. "Anytime ma'am."

John headed for the house. "I'll grab our bags. Can Blaze get in the house to pick Shadow up? I don't want to leave him out, he seemed a little spooked by the jumper."

"Blaze can get in. I'll text him now so he'll know where Shadow is." She didn't like leaving Shadow alone for long, Blaze was stopping by later that morning to pick him up.

"This is a great place, it's beautiful here." Evan said as John slipped inside the lodge.

"There are horses here too, do you ride?" She glanced up from her phone.

Evan blanched. "I wouldn't mind painting them, but riding…not so much." His eyes panned the property. "The boat, though, and are those jet skis?" His smile stretched when she nodded. "Those are more my style."

Anything with speed, she thought. He reminded her of John in that way. Elizabeth made a mental note to remind John to invite Evan out while they were home.

John rejoined them with their bags and they followed Evan the short distance to the jumper.

"You ready for this?" John asked quietly as they paused outside the rear hatch.

"As ready as I'll ever be."

John's expression was somber when he nodded. "All right then. Next stop, Atlantis."

~v~v~v~

Elizabeth exhaled a deep breath when the jumper touched down on Atlantis. She'd never really been prone to air sicknesses, but something had hit her as soon as the jumper lifted off. That queasy feeling was accompanied with a growing tension behind her temples and a humming sound in her ears.

They were standing in the rear compartment while Lorne unstrapped the bags they'd secured in the back.

John moved close to Elizabeth, his hand rubbed against the side of her stomach. "I wish you'd stop denying it, I can tell when you're not feeling well."

She rested her palm on his arm, smiling as his thumb stroked against her stomach. "I'm all right, I'm just feeling a little-"

"She's pregnant." McKay gasped as the rear hatch opened. "But you said she wasn't."

Their heads snapped to the side. John's team was waiting outside the jumper, as was Richard Woolsey and Jennifer Keller.

"Thanks for the heads up." John glared at Evan. "Again."

Evan was long accustomed to being on the receiving end of John's ire and he just grinned as he moved past the small crowed of people standing outside the jumper. "I'll work on that, sir, right after I go pull the schedules you want to review." Evan headed towards the hall.

"And is that an engagement ring?" Jennifer's eyes widened. "Wow, talk about making a grand entrance, Elizabeth."

"So much for keeping this low key." John muttered. "Let's leave the bags here for now."

Elizabeth squeezed his arm and took a deep breath before they headed out of the jumper.

"Elizabeth." Teyla smiled warmly as she stepped forward and hugged her. "This is all wonderful news."

"You said she wasn't-"

"I heard you the first time, McKay." John snapped, before looking pointedly towards Woolsey.

"Oh, please. No need to be bashful around me." Richard seemed amused. "I've had my suspicions about you two since the first time I visited Atlantis. I've never seen a young man's tail feathers so easily ruffled until I started asking you questions about Dr. Weir."

John's face crumpled adorably. He rubbed his chin absentmindedly and finally managed a halfhearted "oh" in response.

"You never said anything." Elizabeth looked towards Richard, leaving her question unasked. Elizabeth wasn't surprised Richard had figured it out, he was right, John had gotten riled up at the questioning. It was a side of John she hadn't seen before, one she'd found unexpectedly endearing.

"It didn't impact your performance; it was irrelevant as far as I was concerned." Richard stepped closer and reached out to squeeze her hand. "You look wonderful, Elizabeth. I hope you are feeling well."

"I- oh." She gasped in surprise as Ronon maneuvered around beside her and pulled her into a teddy bear hug.

He released her and reached to pat John on the shoulder. "Nice job." He mouthed to John.

"Ronon." Teyla shook her head, though her eyes were twinkling with amusement.

"But you said-"

"McKay!" A chorus of voices admonished in unison.

Elizabeth bit down on her lip to suppress her smile. However dramatic it was, McKay was still taking the news better than she'd anticipated. Even John seemed to be enjoying his reaction. Her eyes hovered over John as she rubbed the tender spot beneath her ribs, the baby kept catching it as he moved.

The baby had been unusually active since they'd got on the jumper. Odds were, he was reacting her body's tension from the growing pain in her head. It was strange, since exiting the jumper, the uncomfortable humming noise had only grown louder within her ears. Maybe it wasn't the jumper, she could be coming down with a cold…the last thing she needed that day. At the least the President's visit would be short and if she still felt unwell, she could find someplace to lay down until John had finished with O'Neill on the other military VIPs.

"Rodney, don't you have anything else to say?" Teyla shot him a stern look.

"I have a city to fix, I don't have time to babyproof." McKay huffed. "That's all I have to say."

"Ignore him. Congratulations and welcome back, Elizabeth." Jennifer stepped forward to hug Elizabeth. "It's good to see you."

"They're having a baby." McKay sounded morose.

"I thought you didn't have anything else to say, Rodney." John scowled at him.

Elizabeth stepped forward and hugged Rodney. "It's good to see you, Rodney. I promise not to let his baby terrorize the city until you're ready."

"Funny." John's smile belied his sardonic tone. It hadn't taken her long to notice his chest puffed every time she said the words "your baby."

Rodney's melt down seemed to have run out of steam and as the terror left his eyes a sweet, a shy smile finally graced his face.

"Congratulations." He shrugged sheepishly. "I delivered Teyla's baby, you know. Not that I ever want to do it again, but in a pinch, I can help…if you, ah, need it. I didn't drop him or anything."

Teyla tried not to roll her eyes. "He was very brave, Elizabeth."

"Not to rush anybody, but I thought you might want a briefing on damage and repair schedule before our company arrives." Woolsey glanced down at his watch. "We have just about an hour. There are coffee and snacks in the conference room if anyone is hungry."

A half dozen pair of eyes simultaneously turned towards her. "Why is everyone looking at me?" Elizabeth laughed. "I'm not hungry, but I am ready for the briefing."

John's hand fell to the small of her back and the others fell in behind them as they moved into the hallway. "Remember the way?" John's eyes glanced to hers. His lips pressed together as he tried to suppress his smile.

"I believe I'm the one known for getting lost around here." Richard admitted.

When they reached the transport, the door didn't open for Elizabeth. The noise in her ears suddenly clarified, evolving from a static like hum to something sounding suspiciously like a voice speaking the ancient language.

She stepped back and looked at John, hoping the alarm wasn't apparent in her eyes

"That's strange." He stepped closer and waved his hand over the control panel. The door immediately opened and the voice she heard dissolved back into static.

"Did anyone else…hear anything?" She asked.

"I could still hear McKay whining about babyproofing," Ronon said. "What's babyproofing anyway? Sounds strange."

"What did you hear, Elizabeth?" Keller asked as Richard started explaining babyproofing to Ronon.

"I'm sure it was nothing." Elizabeth sounded more confident than she felt. She wasn't coming down with a cold, something else was going on and it was making her more than a little uneasy. The last time she'd heard voices on Atlantis and the others had not, it had foreshadowed trouble.

As they moved towards the conference room, she continued to experience the same cycle from hearing static to hearing ancient voices and then back again. At some point she accepted that she wasn't imagining things anymore, but she still struggled to make out what she heard.

As they reached the conference room, she caught a word with a familial reference, perhaps parent, but she wasn't sure. When she was about a foot away, the doors swung shut and the ancient equivalent of the word no echoed loudly in her ear.

"McKay, what the hell is going on?" John waved his hand and the doors obediently opened.

"I have no idea. The doors were working fine earlier."

Elizabeth pulled John off to the side. "Do you ever hear anything when you're in the city? Ancients speaking?"

McKay heard her question and his mouth opened in surprise before he moved closer. "Did you try to fly the jumper?"

"Me?" She asked, surprised when he nodded in confirmation. "Yes, because that's what I normally do when I get on a jumper."

Rodney scowled at her in response. His face morphed into that familiar 'I'm a genius but I'm trying to tolerate you right now' expression. "Did you try to activate anything or think about anything that might have pulled up the HUD?"

"I was too busy concentrating on not being sick to think about anything else." It wasn't a stretch to realize the baby would probably inherit John's ATA gene, but she'd never even considered trying ancient technology while she was pregnant.

McKay muttered something about safeguards and exited the room. He turned back and waved them towards him seeming exasperated they hadn't read his mind and known to follow. "Come with me, I have an idea."

Elizabeth exchanged a hesitant glance with John and they started trailing behind Rodney.

Rodney led them down a few levels to a floor dotted with labs. Just as before, the static would intermittently switch over to a voice speaking the ancient language. This time, she realized she was hearing the voices more each time they passed by a door.

Rodney paused outside the open door to his lab. "Go in." He nodded towards Elizabeth.

She took a deep breath and started walking. Once again, as soon as she closed in on the door, it swung shut.

"Danger." She breathed. "Go back…parents." She was struggling to translate what she heard.

"Keep going." Rodney steered her by the shoulders. "Try this one."

"Stop that." John smacked Rodney's hands away before moving in between to buffer her from Rodney's enthusiasm.

The door shut in her face, but it swung open a second later. Radek Zelenka shoved his glasses higher on his nose as he peered outside the door. "Dr. Weir! I was expecting Rodney, but this is a more pleasant surprise. May I?" His arms stretched out and she stepped forward into his quick hug.

She caught John's eye when she pulled away. He looked relieved that she had been on the receiving end of all the hugs that morning, but then again, she had been the one who'd been away for nearly two years. While she had seen Rodney and John during that time, this would be the first time she'd seen the others.

"Congratulations-"

Radek's words stalled when Elizabeth tripped over John's boot as she started to back out of the lab.

John's arms were immediately there to steady her. "Careful you." John's voice was quiet. He didn't just mean the near fall, he meant the way her hand had automatically covered his own from sheer force of habit. Not a big deal in current company, but she would have to be more careful going forward.

"Congratulations to you both." Radek patted John on the shoulder.

"Congratulations to who?" Dr. Lee stepped up behind Radek. His eyes stretched wide when he spotted John and Elizabeth standing close together, their fingers intertwined and resting against her stomach. "Ohh…you two, you are…I mean…wow." He stuttered.

Elizabeth hadn't seen Dr. Lee since she'd faked her way through the conversation on World of Warcraft back at the SGC. She still felt bad about that, she'd heard Landry had some tough words for him after falling for their rouse.

"We need to keep moving people." Rodney pivoted on his heel and headed deeper down the hall.

"I….I…" Dr. Lee stammered again.

"Dr. Lee is assisting with some of the initial repairs." Richard explained.

"However, I think he may be overdue for a break." Radek looked amused to the point that Elizabeth suspected he knew all too well what had happened back at the SGC.

John's eyes were twinkling and he gave an almost imperceptible shrug. The I told you so was apparent in his eyes and she already knew it was futile to point out it was hardly her fault. While flirtation may had proven an effective tactic, it had been entirely Rodney's idea to use Dr. Lee as their pawn when they needed to appropriate the jumper.

She finally released John's hand and waved at Bill, smiling softly as John tugged her away.

Ronon looked bored out of his mind, but stayed at Teyla's side following behind them. Jennifer was up in front with Rodney and as the group caught up to them, they turned their focus back to their original mission and continued checking random doors on labs. After six more had closed in her face the look on John's face told her he was running out of patience.

"Enough with the doors, Rodney. What the hell's going on?" John planted his hands on his hips.

"Don't you get it? The city must have a built in childproofing." Rodney was jittery with excitement.

"But there have been children here before." Richard frowned in concentration. "Teyla's son and the Athosian children."

"None of them have the ATA gene." Jennifer pointed out.

"It's not just a safeguard, there's more to it than that." Elizabeth moved further down the hall. "What areas of the city have the highest concentration of family housing?"

"Those furthest from the control room." Ronon moved up beside Elizabeth.

"You've seen the job requisition forms, Elizabeth. We're bringing on a significant number of new personnel while we're here." Richard said. "We've identified several new hallways that were probably once dedicated to family housing."

"Take me to one of those."

Ronon nodded and started leading them down the hall. A few minutes later they stepped off another transport. Elizabeth moved down the hall pausing outside of each door, each light, and any object they crossed, including a few ten thousand year old dead plants… and she thought they'd purged all those years ago.

"Elizabeth?" John pulled her to a halt and she could read the question in his eyes.

"I must be getting used to the voice. I'm starting to understand more of what it is saying," she said.

"What exactly is it saying?" Rodney stared down at his tablet. "I'm reading absolutely nothing."

"It's not just for safety, I think the entire city is a learning mechanism." Elizabeth's fingers trailed along the wall, wondering how touch would impact what she was experiencing. "I'm guessing its tailored to the child's age. Our baby is old enough, the city must perceive it to be a newborn and the ancient voice is labeling everything I get close to. Door, light, plant, home. The safety protocols seemed more stringent near the labs and control room. There I mostly heard danger, go back, find parent."

"I don't hear anything." Ronon eyed her strangely.

"I have to concentrate. What I hear is faint and the words sometimes obscured by static."

"Maybe that's because the city is talking to the baby and not you. You're just picking up the echo, so to speak." Jennifer circled back around to Elizabeth. "We should come back with some equipment and monitor the baby's vitals as you are exploring the hall…see what the baby's response is."

"You don't need a monitor for that." Elizabeth rubbed her side. The baby had been kicking like crazy. "Though to be fair, the baby has been more active than normal since I got on the jumper."

Richard walked over to Rodney's side, glancing over his shoulder trying to read his tablet. "Is there anything in the database that would give us an idea of what to expect, what children hear or are taught as they grow older?" He asked.

"Maybe we won't have to worry about those pre-school applications after all." John shifted closer to her.

It almost made her laugh to remember how all the women at her baby shower had harped on her about pre-school applications. Her child could end up being privy to an education they couldn't even begin to comprehend.

"Pre-school?" Teyla asked, and Elizabeth could see her inquiry was more than a casual interest. While it once would have been inconceivable, now she could easily imagine the day there would be more families inhabiting Atlantis and formal education for the children accompanying them would ultimately need to be addressed.

"What if we pick back up with this later?" Richard glanced back at his watch. "After our company departs, Dr. McKay and Dr. Weir can visit as many dusty labs and crew quarters as they'd like, but we are on a bit of a schedule here."

"And I'd like to see Elizabeth before she leaves today." Jennifer said. "Based on this, it's a safe assumption the baby has the ATA gene, after all, Teyla never experienced any of this, and there are a few tests I'd like to run."

Elizabeth had known that was coming and she nodded in consent.

Richard paused beside her as the others started towards the transport. "Dr. Weir, may I have a word?"

John glanced back in question and she waved him on. John's team was loud enough to drown out anything Richard had to stay, but he walked slowly, putting more space in between them and the rest of the group.

"When Carter told me you were coming, I must admit, I wondered if your visit was to relieve me of my post." Richard glanced nervously at her. "And when we were looking at rooms with family quarters, it seemed as if you were showing more than just a passing interest in them. Is there anything I need to know?"

"I'll be spending more time here, but I'm not taking your job," she said.

"Not now or not ever?"

Her footsteps stalled and turned to face him. "Not now. I can't make any promises beyond that."

He held her eyes for a long moment. "Fair enough," he finally said. It was probably more than he'd hoped for. "I just ask that-"

"I'll be as forthright with you as I can, Richard."

"And until then? When you are spending all that time here?"

She was looking forward to having more free time on Atlantis, there was still so much to discover. Now, she could assist more with translations and ongoing research. For Richard though, there was only one thing she could say. "I'll be a resource."

"One with veto power."

She unflinchingly held Richard's gaze, her silence his only confirmation.

"Well, I'm glad you are here today." Richard held out his arm in an after you motion and they started back down the hall. "Not only will it be good for the crew to see you, I believe in safety in numbers where Presidential visits are concerned."

She forced a small smile in response. There was more she could have probably said to alleviate Richard's concerns, but she didn't want to offer false hope. But the more she had thought everything over, the more she liked the flexibility of what Jack had offered her. She could go back and forth between the Milky Way and the Pegasus Galaxy with relative ease. She'd already ceased managing the daily operations of the foundation, stepping back so she could focus on guiding and shaping the services as the programs grew while retaining the oversight to ensure it was operating as she expected. With Atlantis, she could involve herself as much as she wanted without having the daily responsibilities and all the paperwork. And -like Richard had alluded to- it would grant her veto authority. As much as she hated to admit it, the thought of being Richard Woolsey's superior was a satisfying thought.

"Elizabeth." Teyla moved to her side when they'd stepped inside the transport. "We would all like you to join us for lunch today. Kanaan can bring Torren, I'd love for you to meet my son."

For a moment, Elizabeth felt a flash of what Suzanne must have experienced those past months. John shook his head almost imperceptibly as if he knew she wanted to blurt out they were having a son too.

Teyla must have caught John's head shake. "Mr. Woolsey told us the President's visit would be short and that you-"

"You have the honor of accompanying O'Neill and the other military types for their…extended visit." Richard shared a commiserating glance with John. "They only have about four hours to spend here, Colonel. It won't take all day."

"Teyla, lunch would be wonderful. I can't wait to meet your little boy," Elizabeth replied as she stepped off the transport.

She just hoped she'd feel up to it when the time came. When she wasn't hearing voices, the humming in her ears was growing louder and she'd begun concentrating to see if she could block any of it out. It was odd, she still felt slightly airsick and the ache in her head hadn't gotten better. It wasn't migraine force, but it was quickly hurtling that way.

"Did you say four hours?" John blanched when Woolsey nodded in confirmation. "Four hours of making nice with people who never thought I'd amount to anything. Great."

"Just think of it this way, you'll have four hours of enjoying the look of admiration in their eyes. They are suddenly going to be able to visualize everything they've been reading about the past five years, don't underestimate the impact of that." Richard stepped up alongside John.

"It'll be more like the look of astonishment in their eyes." John muttered.

"Oh, I'm sure they'll try to hide it behind their stern military facade, but believe me, you have made an impression on some powerful individuals. A good impression." Richard added before John could make an offhand comment to make light of his words.

As Richard moved off, Elizabeth paused beside John. "He's right, you know." She spoke quietly as the others grabbed coffee and settled into their seats. There was still a look of disbelief in his eyes that made her heart wrench. "You deserve that recognition, John. Enjoy the looks on their faces while you show off our city."

"Our city?" His forehead creased and he turned to face her.

"Like you once said, home is wherever you are. I guess we'll have homes in two galaxies."

"Speaking of homes, I heard you bought a house in Colorado Springs." Richard said casually as he walked by. "Good call. Real estate prices are low now, but the market is ripe for a boom."

John's eyes widened and Elizabeth smiled guiltily in response. While it caught him off guard, the significance of that gesture, acting on faith and buying it while they'd been apart, packed a punch and all he couldn't say in present company, she could read in his eyes.

"Yeah, it'll be a good investment." John said, throwing Elizabeth a conspiratorial glance as they went in the room.

Elizabeth slipped into the chair beside John, relieved to momentarily get off her feet.

Richard cleared his throat. "Like I said, the President will only be here for an hour, so we have a lot of ground to cover. We need to prioritize what is most important for him to see. Elizabeth, I hope it goes without saying, but please speak freely if you have any other ideas or recommendations."

"I do have one recommendation." Elizabeth's eyes panned the room, looking at everyone seated around the table. She hadn't realized how much she'd missed this…missed them. She tried to ignore the lump growing in her throat and the moisture pooling in her eyes. "Everyone seated at this table along with the crew, you've been through a lot in the past week and what you accomplished…I don't even think there is a word that encompasses the enormity of what you did. It was remarkable. Heroic. It was something that may never hit the history books in our lifetime and you'll never get the recognition you deserve. I think the least we can do is gather everyone on Atlantis and let the President offer his personal thanks."

John's hand had latched on to hers under the table and he gently squeezed when she finished speaking. She tilted her head finding the poignant look in his eyes that never failed to tug at her heart. He nodded at her encouragingly and swallowed hard.

"Well said and excellent idea." Richard opened up his laptop. "So, here's what I'm thinking…"

~v~v~v~

Five hours later…

John landed the jumper, relived both to be back on Atlantis and to have completed his role in the pomp and circumstance associated with Atlantis being on Earth. Luckily, Woolsey's time estimates had been on point for both him and Elizabeth, their visitors were too high profile to allow them to have too much time unaccounted for. The president's visit had only lasted an hour, the press corp never realized he'd left the White House. While the Secretary of Defense and other military brass had managed a half day, John had had O'Neill to buffer the joy of that visit. As Richard had alluded, the visit hadn't been as bad as he'd anticipated. Their poorly concealed amazement with Atlantis had been downright entertaining and their appreciation for all John and their crew had accomplished was oddly redeeming.

John glanced at his watch. He just needed thirty minutes with Lorne and then they could escape. He knew Elizabeth and Rodney had planned to continue exploring the city after lunch, both were anxious to see if they would discover anything else. With any luck, they would have called it a day by now. If not he'd insist they wrap it up, no matter how much either of them protested. Elizabeth had already put in enough miles circling the city that morning and Rodney needed to get back on task with repairs.

He stepped off the jumper and found Teyla waiting for him.

His chest constricted when he saw the look on her face. "Where is she?"

Teyla drew in a deep breath. "The infirmary. She and the baby are stable, but-"

John broke into a run and the rest of her words were lost to the sound of his heart pounding in his ears. He'd known better than to leave them alone and it wasn't just because McKay could be thoughtless. He'd seen the look in both their eyes, that giddy delight of discovery had a tendency to get them both in trouble.

Minutes later he strode into the infirmary. His jaw clenched when he spotted Rodney backing up nervously from where Elizabeth lay on the infirmary bed.

"McKay, I told you to take it easy on her."

She was on her side with her eyes closed. Though she had on a blood pressure monitor and an IV of fluids, he took some relief in seeing she was still in her dress, rather than the infirmary scrubs which the medical team always foisted upon them whenever it was serious.

"Told you." Ronon said flatly from his perch on a nearby stool.

"I did take it easy on her." McKay's indignantly protested. "She was the one who wanted to keep going and we really didn't even cover much ground."

"Then why did she pass out in one of the labs?" Ronon's arms crossed and he was glowering at McKay almost as fiercely as John.

As John closed in, Elizabeth pushed up to a seated position and swung her legs over the side of the bed. "It's just a headache, it's not Rodney's fault." Her voice was weak.

"See-"

John snapped the curtain shut behind him and Elizabeth, effectively cutting off McKay's retort. Elizabeth was pale and her eyes were tight with pain. This was no ordinary headache and he could kick himself for not thinking of it earlier in that day. He was pretty sure he knew exactly what was causing it…it was something he'd gone through himself those very first days on Atlantis.

Elizabeth reached for him and he moved closer, settling in between her legs as she slumped against his chest. "I'm ready to go home. I just want to sleep, John." She whispered.

He'd never seen Elizabeth like this, normally, she could put on a pretty damn good front even when she did feel awful. The fact that she wasn't even trying to hide it made his gut coil even more. His fingers combed into her hair and he started tracing small circles along her scalp, something that had eased her headaches in the past, but probably wouldn't make a dent in the pain she felt now. It didn't matter, he didn't like feeling helpless and it was at least something he could do.

"Did you take anything for the pain?" He asked.

"Carson tried, but I didn't want to take it." He had to strain to hear her, her voice was muffled from her head being buried against his chest. "You know I don't like medicine. I don't even think I'll be able to let them give me an epidural when I deliver."

His blood went cold as a jolt of dread shot through him. "Don't make me watch you suffer, Elizabeth." He choked the words out without thought. Now wasn't the time to debate that, but it didn't change how he felt and nothing probably would. He didn't care how strong she was or how smoothly the delivery went, he already knew he couldn't bear to watch her needlessly endure that kind of pain.

The blood pressure monitor started humming louder and John watched the numbers steadily creep higher. It wasn't the time, he thought again, and resolved to let her off the hook…for now, anyway.

She pulled her head out from his chest just for a moment and his gut clenched at the turmoil he found in her eyes. "How do you think I would deal with having half my body numb and knowing I couldn't…" Her eyes pressed shut and she melted back against his chest.

Knowing she couldn't run, his mind finished what she could not. She'd told him what she'd experienced with the nanites and he understood her concern though, logically, he doubted she'd be in any position to run even without the numbness of an epidural. Pointing out logic probably wasn't the best tactic to take with her now and when it came to her and medicine, it probably never would. It seemed unfair that that something that could prevent one of his biggest nightmares could create one of her own.

"One problem at a time, Elizabeth. Come on, I'm taking you home."

"Like bloody hell you are." Carson pulled open the curtain. "She needs to stay under medical supervision."

Teyla had arrived and was standing by Ronon. McKay was still looking contrite and hovering nearby when John yanked the curtain shut again. It wasn't just because he was still a little pissed at McKay, he didn't want anyone seeing Elizabeth like this. If it bothered him, he knew it would rattle the crew. Not only that, he was still nestled in between her legs as she snuggled deep within his arms. While he didn't care if his team saw him this way, it was a side of him he preferred other military personal not get too comfortable seeing.

John tugged down the sides of Elizabeth's dress as Carson busied himself removing Elizabeth's IV.

"What do you want me to do, Carson? You know as well as I what's going on. She can't stay here and I can hardly take her to a hospital. How do we respond when they ask what the symptoms are? Tell them her body is stressed from getting used to a mental interface with ancient technology because of a gene they don't know exists? That'll go over well."

Carson sighed. "I feel responsible. I can't believe I didn't think of it sooner, it's just been so long since-"

"I know, I was thinking the same thing." John said.

Elizabeth pulled back. Her green eyes narrowed as she turned from Carson to John. "What are you talking about? So long since what?"

"So long since we arrived on Atlantis." Carson's sympathetic gaze carried a hefty amount of guilt. "During those first weeks, Colonel Sheppard and I experienced some significant headaches. Some of the others with the ATA gene reported more headaches than normal, but the ones with the strongest occurrence of the gene suffered the most."

"You never said anything." Elizabeth's forehead crinkled as she stared up at Carson.

"We were a little busy with…everything," John reminded her. "In the grand scheme of things, it didn't seem very important. It hit Carson harder because he was always on Atlantis. I caught a break when I was off world. That's how we figured it out, I was fine everywhere but the jumper or on Atlantis."

Elizabeth rubbed her temple. "So it was your body getting used to the mental component of the gene responding to the ancient technology?"

"Exactly." Carson said. "Though in your case, it sounds like this is round two. When we updated your medical history, you reported having a lot of headaches in your first trimester and your morning sickness more severe than normal."

Elizabeth glanced up at John. "Andy had just moved to Virginia at the time. He opened a gym and I started taking yoga classes there. I thought that was what helped with the headaches."

"It certainly didn't hurt and I'd recommend sticking with it." Carson said. "But I suspect it was just your body's reaction to exposure of the ATA gene, remember, our bodies are designed to fight off foreign substances. The ATA gene therapy I designed includes an inhibitor to prevent that, but in your case, to be honest, you're fortunate you didn't miscarry."

John's jaw clenched as the anguished look that flashed through Elizabeth's eyes. It was a good thing Kara Ward had already been transferred off Atlantis because his fury reached an all new level. Elizabeth hadn't mentioned anything about the first trimester being challenging. If she'd lost the baby without him there… god, he couldn't even go there now. He shoved it down and looked back towards Carson. The only thing that mattered right now was getting Elizabeth off Atlantis. "So what do we do now, Carson?" He asked.

"Well, I do have an idea. Elizabeth mentioned the foundation had opened a medical clinic near Los Angeles. We can check into a hotel nearby and if she doesn't seem any better after being away from Atlantis, I can treat her there. Being away from Atlantis always alleviated your symptoms, John. I've no reason to believe it would be any different with her, but with the pregnancy…I'd just feel better keeping an eye on her."

"You'd go with us?" Elizabeth's voice seemed even more weak than before.

"I already packed my bags and a medical kit." Carson smiled. "Oddly enough, I was actually already planning to see if you could use my help in the clinic while I'm here. There's not really enough going on here on Atlantis to keep me busy."

"That would be great, Carson." Elizabeth's head fell back against John's chest.

John looked at Carson in surprise. "Do you have credentials?"

"New identity, same rules. I have to stay away from my family and from anyone who could have known me before."

John could feel the grimace cross his face and he instantly shook it away. It had to be hard enough on Carson as it was, he didn't want to add to that.

"It's all right, Colonel. I want to return to the Pegasus Galaxy with Atlantis and continue the work I was doing. It wouldn't be fair to put my family through all that knowing I'd be putting myself at risk again anyway."

John nodded, but he couldn't imagine how difficult that must be for Carson. He glanced down and Elizabeth's breaths were falling deep and level. "She fell asleep." He whispered.

Carson tucked his head closer to John and spoke quietly. "Except for the spike when you first arrived, her blood pressure is lower than I'd like." His voice was quiet. "This is hitting her harder because of the pregnancy."

"Carson, what you said about miscarrying…what does that do to our chances the next time?"

Carson smiled softly. "I was wondering if you two were planning to have more, but no need to worry, she'll be just fine the next time. There is some little known research that proves fetal cells are transferred to the mother's body during pregnancy. I ran some tests earlier and, while it was obvious your baby had the ATA gene, we've found it's completely bonded with her cells as well. Even after the baby is born…"

John's head jerked back in surprise. "She'll still have the gene?"

"She will." Carson nodded.

John's eyes flashed to Elizabeth. "So she went from not having it-"

"To essentially having a double dose. Tests show that between the ATA gene in her body as well as your child's, she's the strongest carrier on Atlantis at this moment."

If it wasn't for the brutal side effects, it actually seemed pretty cool. And surprising. "Stronger than ours?" John couldn't have heard that right.

"Without a doubt. It's a good thing she's been preoccupied with this headache today, otherwise things could have gotten interesting if Elizabeth had accidentally tapped into any other systems. I think she realized what was going on when they were exploring and she started trying to block everything and that only worsened her symptoms. The sooner we get her out of here, the better."

"All right." John yanked back the curtain. "Teyla, tell Lorne to meet us in the jumper bay. Tell him we need to find a place to land a jumper in L.A., preferably near a hotel in…" Hell, he didn't even know where the clinic was.

He wasn't sure when Elizabeth had woken, but she edged back and pointed at her messenger bag in a nearby chair. Teyla handed it over and a moment later Elizabeth withdrew a business card from her wallet.

John glanced down at the address when she handed him the card. "Redondo Beach? Really?" He immediately cringed, realizing his tone had been entirely too optimistic.

Instead of scowling at him, Elizabeth managed a smile. "Visions of surfing already? There's a large homeless population near the beach. We wanted the medical clinic to be accessible." Her voice was still weak and he mentally kicked himself for momentarily losing focus on the bigger picture.

John handed Teyla the card. "Tell Lorne to see if we have any decent landing options near this address or a nearby hotel."

"And Woolsey?" Teyla asked.

"Give him a heads up. I doubt he'll have an issue with it, it's not like we're going for a joyride."

"What can I do?" Rodney asked, shifting nervously about.

"Relax, Rodney. This wasn't your fault." As much as he normally enjoyed McKay's discomfort, he didn't want to leave without letting him off the hook. "And you can help us by getting back to repairs. We can't afford to blow the timeline."

They'd gone over the repair timeline in the morning briefing and thirty days was optimistic. As much as he wanted every second of his leave, John shared Elizabeth's concern that if Atlantis stayed on Earth for too long, it might never leave.

John stepped back from Elizabeth. "Ronon, can you-"

"Got her." Ronon swooped in and scooped Elizabeth off the infirmary bed before John could even finish.

"I was going to say get a wheelchair. I don't think that's the best idea." Though they could probably move faster this way, there was a nearby staircase that was a shortcut to the jumper bay.

Ronon was already out of earshot. He moved quickly, carrying Elizabeth as if she was a mere child in his arms.

"How do you think she got to the infirmary in the first place? He'll be fine with her." Carson patted John's arms before moving to grab his bags. "Come along."

John's grabbed Elizabeth's jacket and bag and followed Carson out of the infirmary.

~v~v~v~

Elizabeth darted up in bed. The unfamiliar surroundings sparked a flash of panic before the day's events started trickling back into her mind. Her fingers brushed against her temple and she realized the headache was completely gone now as was the feeling of air sickness. John and Carson had woken her a few times that afternoon, making her drink water while Carson checked her vitals. The whole experience of the mental component of the gene hadn't just given her a headache, it had been physically exhausting and a quick glance at the clock showed she'd slept on and off for five hours since they'd arrived.

She stepped out of bed and smoothed down her black dress. She'd only bothered to remove her jacket before crawling into bed. John had rented them a one-bedroom suite at the beachside hotel and it had an ocean view balcony that stretched from the living room across the bedroom, each room having their own separate set of French doors leading outside. The bedroom drapes had been closed and she stepped closer, pulling them back and opening the door to the balcony.

"Sleeping beauty awakes." John's voice greeted her.

He was seated in a patio chair beside Carson and she walked across the balcony to join them. Both men had exchanged their uniforms for more casual attire and their aura of relaxation made her smile. That was something both men needed more of in their lives.

"Still feeling better?" John asked, as he pulled her onto his lap.

Elizabeth wondered if John had forgotten again that she was heavier than he was used to. "John-"

"I think we've already established I can handle it." He cut short her coming protest.

She slipped an arm around his neck and settled sideways against his chest. "Just because you can handle it doesn't mean it feels good."

"You're fine." He said, as he rubbed a hand down her arm. "And besides, I don't want you too far away."

Elizabeth glanced up and saw Carson beaming at them. John must have noticed it as the same time and he visibly bristled. "What are you smiling at, Carson?" He asked.

"It's one thing to know you're together, but it's another thing altogether to see you together. It's cuter than I expected."

John frowned. "Well don't go around telling everyone that, I don't need the military personnel to think I've gone soft."

"We'll put it under the umbrella of professional confidentiality, but John, what do you think will happen when they see you with your son?" Carson laughed. "I think you need to get used to the idea that people are going to realize you are human. And you don't need fear to lead them, you've earned their respect over the years. If anything, seeing you love your family will make them respect you even more."

"He said son." John frowned when he looked at Elizabeth.

"That's your takeaway from everything he just said?" She raised a brow toward him. "He's my doctor, he ran tests. And he knows we don't want to tell everyone yet, he won't say anything."

"Does Keller know?" John asked. His lips pressed together when Elizabeth shrugged.

"She's my doctor too, John. What did you expect would happen when she talked about running tests this morning?"

"So McKay probably knows and that means all of Atlantis will know."

"She told me about Rodney's reaction to your pregnancy. Believe me, she won't tell him," Carson said as he stood up. "You really are still feeling better Elizabeth? Headache is completely gone now?"

"Completely gone." She confirmed.

He stepped inside for a moment and returned with a small medical kit. "Still queasy?"

"Not the same air sickness feeling, but I am getting a little hungry."

John smiled and brushed an errant strand of hair away from her face. "Want some room service for dinner? We can eat out here, enjoy the view."

If he kept looking at her like he was, she'd be happy eating an MRE in a jumper. "Sounds perfect." She breathed, forcing her eyes away from his. John always had a way of too easily clouding her thoughts and they still had company to be mindful of.

Carson picked up her free hand and started checking her pulse. "Let me just check your vitals and if everything looks good, I'll get out of your hair for tonight."

"Thank you for everything, Carson. I can take you by the clinic in the morning if you'd like," she said.

"I'd love that." Carson said, as he attached the blood pressure cuff to her arm.

"I'd actually like to see it too." John said. "I'm still getting caught up on everything you've done with the foundation, Carson knew about the clinic before I did."

There was a lot he had missed and she couldn't wait to show him everything. "I can take you by the D.C. offices too, once we're back on the East coast."

"Try to take it easy, Elizabeth." Carson warned. "Your vitals may be back to normal, but you are still less than a month away from your due date. Don't overdo it."

"I'll keep an eye on her, doc."

"Yes, I bet you will." Carson's eyes sparkled with humor as he packed up his kit. "Speaking of due dates, I couldn't help but overhear you talking about epidurals this afternoon."

John's eyes flashed to her. "You mean her desire to torture me because she doesn't want one?"

Elizabeth softly elbowed him. She didn't expect him to like it, but she did need him to understand it and find a way to accept it.

"Yes, I picked up on your objection to that as well, John." Carson hesitated. "There is something else you can consider. I made some calls earlier and there is a birthing center just outside D.C. They specialize in natural delivery, but they are attached to a hospital and, if there are any complications, they can escalate care immediately."

"What's a birthing center?" Elizabeth asked. She wasn't aware there were any facilities that specialized in natural birth.

"They have large rooms that seem more like homes than hospital rooms. They have real beds and couches, more like a home environment to make you more comfortable while you're there. They don't put you on IV's unless you get dehydrated which means you can walk around as much as you want and the gravity from that movement helps move things along. They also have large tubs, so if you wanted to try a water birth you could do that, but at the very least you could labor in the tub which also helps with the pain."

"But my doctor-"

"If she's not willing, Jennifer or I could step in. But I spoke with the center's medical director today and they'd be willing to give any us of privileges and allow you to deliver there."

"How did you do that?" Elizabeth briefly wondered what else Carson had done while she was sleeping.

"I may have dropped the President's name, but it really wasn't hard to do. They are nice people and the center has an excellent reputation."

"And if the pain is still too bad?" John voice was quiet and she could feel the tension in his shoulders.

"We move her to the hospital and start the epidural, but only if she wants it."

It was the first time since she'd become pregnant, she hadn't thought of the delivery with complete dread. "Carson can you email their website? I want to take a look at this place."

"Of course, I'll send it when I get back to my room and we can talk more tomorrow." Carson hoisted his bag over his shoulder. "I'll just show myself out. You know where to find me if you need anything tonight."

"Thanks, Carson." John waved him off. "Goodnight."

John didn't speak until the hotel room door closed behind Carson. "Elizabeth-"

"I love the idea of a water birth, John. And think about it, we only met because of Atlantis. It feels…right, somehow."

John sighed and she saw the resignation in his eyes. "If you are hell bent on doing this naturally, I have to admit the birthing center sounds better than going the hospital route."

"We can look at the website and talk to Carson some more. Tomorrow." Her eyes cast out to the ocean. The sun was setting and the orange crimson glow was a gorgeous contrast against the ocean. "It's beautiful out and, right now, I just want to enjoy the night with you."

Elizabeth tucked her nose against John's neck. He'd changed into blue jeans and a worn t-shirt that was soft against her bare arms. She wasn't cold, but he was always warmer than her. She snuggled closer, loving the way she felt tucked within his arms.

"I love west coast sunsets." She murmured.

"I love west coast beach hotels."

She couldn't see John's face, but from the wistful tone of his voice, it was a safe bet he was hopefully eyeing the ocean.

"Maybe we can stick around for a few days." She kind of liked the idea herself, their own little babymoon as a friend had called it. "You can try to catch one of those waves."

"Really?"

"Why not? We just have to be back in Virginia on Friday for the dress rehearsal." Elizabeth pulled away from John's neck and glanced up at him. "Plus, this is our first time at a hotel together. We should indulge a bit, it's not like we'll have a lot of opportunities to vacation once Atlantis is ready."

"Or after the baby is born, though I doubt we'll ever have a shortage of baby sitters." John's fingers trailed along her jaw and he reached up and tapped her playfully on the nose. "You know, you really are obsessed with all the first time stuff. You just need to make a bucket list of everything you think we missed out on and we're going to get busy while I'm on leave."

"Get busy?" Elizabeth laughed.

His smile stretched wide as he realized the innuendo he'd dropped. "We can make plenty of time for that too." He cupped the side of her face and pulled her into a short, but steamy kiss.

His eyes locked on hers when he pulled away and Elizabeth couldn't imagine any item on a list being better than quiet moments like this, tucked within each other's arms.

"That could end up being quite a list." Her fingers threaded into his hair, which seemed more unruly than usual. It was getting long, she realized. She'd need to trim it before the wedding that weekend, if he'd still trust her to do that. He had more options here on Earth, while he'd been stuck with her handiwork for many years on Atlantis.

He shrugged. "Well, if we don't get to them all, we can at least make a big dent in it. We can start tonight. How about a walk on the beach after dinner? If you want."

She could practically feel the warm sand beneath her toes. "A romantic walk on the beach with my fiancée? Do you seriously think I would say no to that?"

"I think if I asked nice enough, you wouldn't say no to anything I asked." John's voice rasped in that low and sinful pitch that always sent tiny sparks dancing down her spine.

He directed a molten gaze her way and she realized hazily that he could be right. "Cheeky." Elizabeth managed, determined to hide that truth from her eyes. "I'm not that easy."

"Prove it." John's fingers tangled into her hair. He angled his head around and his mouth fused hungrily against hers. He pulled away a long moment later and his thumb brushed along her cheek. "I'd been waiting to do that since this morning."

Her stomach growled as his mouth slanted over hers again. His laughter rumbled through their lips and he broke away, his eyes crinkling with laughter.

"All right, so I may not be as irresistible as I think." He hoisted her off his lap and onto her feet before standing up beside her. "Let's go order that room service."

"You're giving up kind of easily." She teased as her eyes flashed up to meet his.

"I never said anything about giving up. Just wait until I get some food in you."

"You promised me a walk on the beach." She reminded.

"Fine. After dinner and the walk on the beach, then I'll state the case for my irresistibility."

Elizabeth grasped a handful of his shirt and tugged him closer. "I think I'd prefer a personal demonstration."

His laughter faded the second her lips brushed against his.

"I always did like a challenge," John said when she pulled away. "Come on. I want to buy my fiancée dinner."

Fiancée. Though the title had been hers only a few days, she was ready for an upgrade. He must have caught the wistful look in her eyes because he leaned down and gently kissed her on the forehead.

"What day do Suzanne and Dave get back from Fiji?" He asked.

"Hmm? Oh, I think it's the second Monday after their wedding, how come?"

"I think we should take Suzanne up on her offer, let her plan the wedding. I don't want to wait until after the baby to marry you. What do you think?" His eyes gleamed with a longing she shared. "And, if we get married now, our friends from Atlantis could come."

"I think you were right, I don't think I can say no to you. Good thing I want to say yes." She laughed as John abruptly scooped her off the ground. He turned them in a quick circle before depositing her gently back on the ground.

"What are you doing?" She took hold of her arm and steadied herself. Just that one rotation had been enough to make her feel slightly off balance, though it could have just as easily been from the impact of the intensity of the love she found within his eyes.

"I thought I'd practice the carrying over the threshold thing, but then I realized if I carried you into the bedroom we'd probably never leave… and you need to eat." His brow lifted suggestively towards her before he turned and headed for the desk.

"John, there's just one thing. You get to call Suzanne about the wedding. Tell her to keep it small and simple, but beyond that, we don't really care about the how, just the when." She hesitated when she saw the flash of panic cross his eyes. "Believe it or not, she'll take it easier on you. If I call, she'll keep asking questions about what I want until I cave… and I don't want my best friend to feel guilty for having the wedding I planned for." It was true. A lakeside ceremony had been the dream, but the location didn't seem that important anymore. All she cared about was marrying the man standing before her now.

John lips pressed together and he nodded, before grabbing the room service menu and passing it over for her to review.

She glanced back a moment later to find him leaned back against the desk, his face scrunched tight in a look of concentration. "What's wrong? Cold feet already?" She teased.

"Absolutely not."

"Good." She pointed down at the menu. "I want the pasta," she said as she handed the menu back to him. "I'm going to take a bath while we wait for our food." She started heading for the bedroom but paused before she stepped inside. "Are you sure you're okay?"

He shifted uncomfortably. "I'll call Suzanne after I order dinner, but do we really have to give her a credit card?"

She almost laughed with relief. "Of course not. But if we don't, she'll just send the bills to the accountant, remember?" She bit down on her lip trying not to smile and ducked into the bedroom.

Her thumb brushed along the band of her engagement ring and for a moment, she could hardly believe this was her life. After everything they'd been through over the years, they were overdue for their share of the good times, but she never imagined it was possible for anyone to feel this much happiness. She headed off towards the bathroom, thoughts of moonlit strolls on the beach rolling through her mind.

~TBC

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Thanks to all of you who are continuing to follow and leave comments. I am anxious to see your thoughts on this chapter. So…airport delays helped me churn this long chapter out sooner than anticipated, but the next chapter might end up being a couple of weeks. Just know it's coming.

A/N 2: This chapter was loooong and my eyes are crap for editing my own writing. My apologies for any mistakes I missed along the way.


	24. Chapter 24

A/N: Some mild mature content, nothing graphic. Sorry ;)

~v~v~v~v

Elizabeth's eyes flickered open for a second. It was still mostly dark so she snuggled deeper into the insanely soft sheets hoping to sleep a little longer. She'd been dreaming of rain. While she never wanted to endure hurricane force storms again, she often missed the sound of rain striking against the cool metals of Atlantis, especially when she was sleeping.

Droplets of cool water splashed down on her face and for a moment she lay stuck in that hazy realm between sleep and alertness, thinking the dream had just become that vivid. She swiped a hand across her forehead, coming up with a damp palm from her efforts. Not dreaming after all. Elizabeth's eyes flashed open and she found John standing beside the bed.

"Sorry about that." He grinned down at her looking anything but sorry. "I guess I need another towel," he said as he ran his fingers through his wet unruly locks.

She blinked rapidly as her eyes struggled to focus in the dim light. John stepped over to the side of the room and eased the curtain back just enough to let some of the soft morning light shine through.

He'd clearly been busy. Not only could she smell coffee, John was wearing a colorful pair of board shorts she remembered seeing in the hotel's gift shop. It wasn't just his spiking hair that was wet, his entire body was damp, including the board shorts that were slung indecently low on his hips. She hated to think about the water trail he'd left throughout the grounds of the hotel or the looks on the women's faces he'd undoubtedly passed along the way.

"It's nice out. I found a place to rent a board and I hit the water just after sun up," he said as he circled back around the bed towards her. "I brought back coffee and some food. We still have some time to sit outside and eat before we need to get going."

She pushed up higher, trying for a better view when her eyes caught the bedside clock. It wasn't even seven yet. While it didn't surprise her to find he'd risen at dawn to surf, she was caught off guard at her disappointment in missing it. It wasn't just the missed opportunity to ogle him in his board shorts, she would have loved to have seen the look on his face when he caught a wave.

"Elizabeth?" The corners of his lips quirked as he watched her sleepy eyes track his movements. "How about that food? I don't want Jet to go hungry."

Her eyes narrowed as she sent a sleepy, playful scowl his way. "We're not naming the baby Jet." She reached for him, wanting him to pull her up, but instead he dropped onto the bed beside her.

"You shouldn't have told me what we can't name him, now those are the only names I can think about." He propped up on his elbow and smiled down at her. "You mentioned Gunner and Stryker too, those are cool."

"Those weren't ideas; those were the don't even think about its." Elizabeth shifted towards him, shivering when her hand landed on his chest. "You're cold."

"Just because of the air conditioning. It's perfect outside." His fingers threaded into her hair as he studied her face. "You know, you haven't exactly been forthcoming with your own baby name ideas."

"And you're wet." Her nose wrinkled. She could already see the water mark spreading out from him on the sheets.

He pulled her head towards him. "You say all that like I didn't just see you thoroughly appreciating this cold and wet look I'm sporting." John's lips were unexpectedly warm when they brushed against hers, momentarily silencing her with a brief, but steamy kiss. He broke away and rolled out of bed just as her mind starting waking enough to contemplate ways to warm the rest of him up. He turned back towards her, shooting a pointed look her way. "So…why do you keep dodging questions about naming the baby?"

"Our bed is soaked." She dodged again, before scooting off the bed from the other side and moving towards the balcony. She _was_ avoiding discussions of baby names, but the rationality would weigh them down and she was enjoying the lightness of their time together. Reality would still be waiting when they returned home on Friday. John followed behind her and she had a feeling he wasn't going to let it slide this time.

"Don't worry about the bed, we're checking out today anyway." He pulled the door open for her and she slipped outside. The morning light shimmered softly over the water and her heart ached for a moment, remembering all those mornings she'd woken up to this sight on Atlantis.

His voice played back in her head and, for the first time, the words checking out sank into her mind. She peeked back at him. "I thought you wanted to stick around. Are you already surfed out after one morning? No good waves or whatever the surfer lingo is for that?"

"Surfer lingo?"

She heard his chortle of laughter as she turned away. There were too many colorful surfboards still dotting the water for conditions to be too bad, she supposed.

"The waves were fine. I thought we could spend a few days driving back up the coast towards San Francisco. We can stop whenever we want along the way."

Once she'd pointed out she wasn't supposed to fly commercial this close to her due date, O'Neill had greenlighted a jumper ride home, but he wasn't keen on the idea of the jumper setting down in L.A. again, meaning they had a road trip in their future any way the next few days played out. The idea of a coastal drive was much more appealing than the thought of six hours gridlocked on Interstate 5. Maybe they could even rent a convertible, she could almost feel the wind in her hair now. "And we can check road trip off my bucket list," she mused.

"And a few other things."

He looked like he was plotting something and she immediately started trying to remember what laid along the coast between L.A. and San Francisco that would have him looking so eager. From the gleam of his eye, she suspected it had to be something beyond the swelling ocean waves. He just smiled innocently and she shook the thought away, deciding she'd probably enjoy the surprise. She couldn't imagine anything she wouldn't like about a drive up the coast.

John had been right, it was warmer outside and the breeze was soft against her arms. She smoothed out the dress she'd slept in and remembered they'd only packed for one night away. "We'll need to pick up some things, we just brought one change of clothes." She needed to text Blaze too, though she already knew he wouldn't mind watching Shadow for a few more days.

"We're on the outskirts of L.A., stores are not something they have a shortage of." John maneuvered in front of her before leaning back, bracing his weight on the balcony rail behind him. "We do have a shortage of baby name suggestions."

John looked like he was posing, his current stance highlighting his muscled arms and chest. Elizabeth rubbed her still sleepy eyes, trying to focus on the conversation and not just the image of the handsome man standing before her. "We have time to think this over," she reminded. "Aren't you the one usually telling people to be in less of a hurry when it comes to naming things?"

"If I'm talking to Rodney or Aiden, yes. You… not so much, but I do worry when you change the subject every time I bring it up." John released his hold on the rail and reached down to hitch up his shorts.

Her eyes washed over his body, tracking the movements of his hands. His efforts only marginally raised the waistline of the board shorts against his hips. "I don't think you can pass judgement on my failure to articulate when you're barely dressed," she said as she flicked her eyes back up to meet his.

Instead of the smirk she'd expected, John reached for her hand and gently squeezed. "I know you better than that, Elizabeth."

There was an imploring look in his eyes and she immediately felt repentant for letting the one sadness she still carried in her heart raise that kind of alarm in him.

She averted her eyes and pulled out of his grip. She moved across the balcony and gripped the rail as her eyes panned the coast around them. "I don't know why, but deciding the name…it makes this real in ways buying a crib or stocking up on diapers doesn't. It makes me think of everyone who isn't with us. Your parents, my father. I wish they could have all been here for this, been here to meet him." She turned back towards John and his mouth opened softly when he found her eyes watery. "I'm okay." She felt her brows furrow together as she fought off the pending tears. "My eyes have been like a sprinkler system ever since I've gotten pregnant. It's kind of annoying actually."

Her quip failed to draw a smile from him. Instead he just folded his arms around her and pressed a kiss against her head. "My mom would have loved being a grandmother. My father…well, even he had some moments when we were kids; we have the acre of Christmas trees to prove it. So maybe a family name? Your father's name? I know you were close."

"Or your father's name?"

She felt John's body tense within her arms and she already knew the answer to that. Now that Patrick was gone, the foundation had made amends in some ways, but John still harbored too many conflicting emotions when it came to his father. There had been too much negative energy for too many years and that wasn't something he'd want to think of each time he looked at his son.

"I don't know. Maybe we should save that for Dave." John shrugged. "He might like that idea, if he ever has a son."

That was a good point, Dave had always been closer to Patrick. "Maybe we can pick up one of those baby name books today when we're shopping." She edged back just enough so she could see his face.

The worry had eased from his eyes and she was surprised that the ache in her heart didn't seem quite so bitter now. She should have said something before, she realized. That was part of it…part of them. Sharing themselves with the other even if it wasn't always pretty, sharing themselves even when it hurt. The warmth radiating from his eyes slowly warmed her from within and she felt her tension start slowly ebbing away.

"So what else is on the agenda today?" She asked. "Seems like you've been giving this some thought."

He smiled almost proudly in response. "The hotel is having a rental car delivered, so we can meet Carson at eight and head over to the clinic. Whenever we're done, we can start up the coast. Not too far tonight. There's somewhere I wanted to stop this afternoon, plus the better waves are in the southern half of California. Maybe just up to Malibu or Santa Barbara."

"Hmm. Throw in another moonlit stroll and I'm sold." Elizabeth tilted her head, inviting him into a kiss. His lips brushed against hers, still warm and still carrying the faint salty taste of the sea. Her hands traced down the sinewy muscles of his back, finding his skin now felt warmer to the touch. When her hands brushed against his wet shorts and she became vaguely aware the bottom of her dress was now wet and plastered against him.

John pulled away and a thoughtful expression crossed his face. "We need to get you out of those wet clothes."

Laughter bubbled up through her chest. "I'm not the only one who needs to ditch wet clothes or was that your plan all along?"

"Maybe I was building in a tactical advantage." His hands had drifted down to her hips and he spun her around, guiding her backwards into the bedroom.

He let go of her long enough to shut the door and the drapes before his hands grasped the hem of her dress, peeling it off her body in one fluid move.

"John!" Her voice was a near squeal.

"What? The drapes were closed and you were already getting goosebumps from being wet in the air conditioning."

The goosebumps were from the look in his eyes, but she didn't get a chance to respond before her pulled her close. Then it was just skin upon skin sending an electric current ripping through her veins and overloading her thoughts in the process.

His lips veered towards her ear. "If you haven't noticed, I'm liking the dresses. A lot."

She'd bet. Especially when she wasn't wearing a bra, like now, then he could undress her in under five seconds flat. "Last fall you seemed to be concerned about me showing too much skin."

"Only when it wasn't for my viewing pleasure." His breath fell warm on her skin as he mouthed kisses down her neck, the scruff on his face igniting another round of sparks just beneath her skin.

The sensory overload had her mind spinning and it suddenly felt as if the room was spinning along with it. Her hands clamped down upon his waist as she steadied herself against the onslaught of sensations.

"If you are interested in my thoughts on skin, I could use a little more of your own for my viewing pleasure," she murmured, suddenly remembering just how low his shorts were slung on his waist. It only took the tiniest of tugs on their drawstring to send them skirting off his hips and crashing onto the floor.

His laughter rumbled against her skin and he emerged from her neck. "Mission accomplished." He had a glint in his eyes of surprised delight. "And if for any reason it wasn't clear before, trust me." His hands cupped her rear and he dragged her closer. "You have my complete attention," he said in a low and sexy voice that made her melt against him.

If his implication hadn't been clear enough, now she could feel the full press of his body making it obvious just how much of his attention she had commanded. Her laughter came unbidden, though she tried to quell her shaking shoulders. The timing was rotten, it was probably an affront to his masculinity, but she couldn't help it. She felt too good and she was having too much fun…something they'd never had their fair share of.

"Did you really just undress me and start laughing?" He nudged her nose with his own, pulling just out of reach when her mouth angled up to meet his. "We might need to establish some ground rules for being naked."

His response did nothing to help curb her laughter. "I'm not naked," she pointed out, "so even if there were rules it wouldn't apply."

"It's not my fault you can't control yourself around me, I was getting around to divesting you of that tiny piece of lace you call underwear."

She wasn't about to point out his perception of tiny was skewed by the enormity of her stomach…or that he still wasn't helping assuage her laughter.

"Rule number one, no laughing when naked." John's lips brushed against her shoulder as his fingers found the waistband of her panties and started edging down off her hips. "Rule number two, no one is allowed to be naked alone. Why are you still laughing? I'm trying to be serious here." She could tell from the tone of his voice that he was barely holding in his own laughter.

She gripped his hair, dragging his face towards her own. "Say's the man whose life mantra could be rules are meant to be broken."

His responding laughter quickly faded when her mouth fused hungrily with his own.

~v~v~v~

Later that night…

Elizabeth glanced down, marveling how the day had started out with John subtracting clothes from her body and now she carried an armful of extra clothes as she wandered around a department store searching for even more. John strolled through the store with an ease she would have never expected and one that she herself had never mastered. She could spend hours on end in a dusty bookstore, but the bright lights and abundance of people in department stores always had a way of making her skin crawl uncomfortably. With any luck, their remaining time in the store would pass by as quickly as the day had slipped away.

It felt as if it had just minutes ago they'd been struggling to leave the hotel room. Carson's expression had been priceless when he'd seen them exit the elevator into the lobby. They were only five minutes late, but she suspected it was the guilty look on their faces rather than their tardiness than had triggered his laughter.

At the clinic, Carson immediately made himself at home, endearing himself to the staff in mere minutes. Before Elizabeth had left, Carson had plans for the weekend and a lead on a furnished apartment that was available for sublet. John had charmed someone at the hotel's front desk into getting his uniform laundered overnight and he'd worn it that morning. After the tour of the clinic, he'd spent the morning in the waiting room speaking with veterans and their families while she introduced Carson around and got him settled in.

John covered it well as he interacted with those waiting, but she could see the conflict within his eyes as he listened to their stories. She knew he was hearing first hand accounts of their struggles to get an appointment with the VA in a timely manner. When she circled back to check on him, she'd found him outside, stoically watching a family using the foundation's small playground while they'd waited for their appointment. She'd slipped her hand inside his and shared the foundation's plans to open four more clinics in the next year. They were still selecting locations, trying to identify the areas with the highest numbers of veterans. By the time Elizabeth was ready to leave, John seemed to have found some sort of peace knowing the foundation's lobbyist was already hard at work, trying to influence change. And while it wasn't a permanent solution to the challenges the VA faced, the clinic was a needed stop gap, a place veterans could get immediate treatment for minor injuries or illnesses.

John had changed into street clothes before they'd started their way up the coast. The second she'd spotted the Ferris wheel rising above the Santa Monica pier, she'd known exactly what he'd been plotting and how they'd be spending their afternoon. Now it was almost time for dinner and her stomach was already starting to rumble. They'd only made it as far as Malibu before stopping to pick up just enough things to get them through the next few days. John had a bag in hand of his purchases and he ambled along, following her through the women's department. She'd already found a couple of casual sun dresses and a pair of sandals. She just needed a few more things and they could go in search of dinner and lodging for the night.

"That's another thing you can cross of the list. First time shopping for clothes together." John was really starting to enjoy pointing out all the firsts, even the many that would have never made her bucket list. Shopping was one of those things. She'd never really enjoyed it before, but with John along, it was at least entertaining.

"We can cross if off your list, but don't know if I'd call it a success. I feel kind of crazy watching you spend money on those things."

"What's wrong with my clothes?" John frowned and peeked in the bag that held graphic tees, battered jeans, and cargo shorts that were already threading at the hem.

"They all look like you could have bought them at a Goodwill." She couldn't help but tease him because it did seem crazy to spend money on brand new clothes that already looked like they were on their last legs, but honestly, they were at the beach and the phrase beach bum existed for a reason. John was now set to completely embrace that casual lifestyle.

"What's wrong with Goodwill?" John's brows scrunched together. "I probably could have at least found some decent concert tees there. Imitation vintage is second best, but even you have to admit, this is better than that preppy pastel colored crap they had in that designer men's store back in the mall."

That she did have to concede. "We could have gone to a thrift store, I hear L.A. has some great ones." She spotted the sign for swimwear and took a left, heading into a colorful world of tiny bikinis.

"I thought you wanted to hurry," he reminded. "That meant a mall and department store, everything in one place."

"Yes, well I still have an apple back in the car. That and the leftover funnel cake should tide me over until dinner." John had been astounded to discover she'd never tried funnel cake, but she'd been even more surprised to find out how much she liked it.

There was a lone rack marked maternity and she paused to sort through it. Even for maternity swimsuits, there was a lot more fabric than she'd expected. That was all she needed in her current condition, another ten pounds of water weight from her bathing suit. If she wore one of those, she'd never be able to get out of the pool without help.

"What are you doing?" John winced when he saw her pick up a couple of swimsuits. "You need to put those back. You are pregnant, not ninety."

"What?" Elizabeth laughed, the horrified expression on his face was priceless. "Not enough skin?" She raised a brow towards him. "I'm not sure everyone else would be so comfortable seeing my huge pregnant belly on display."

"You are nowhere near huge and your belly is great." John pointed at a rack of non-maternity bikinis. "What about those?"

She eyed the swim suits carefully. Most of the bikini bottoms were low rise and their waist would fall beneath her expanded stomach, they would fit. Technically, anyway. "You're serious?" She turned back just to make sure he hadn't been joking.

"Why not?" John seemed completely confused by her hesitation.

"I say go for it girl." A woman with pink hair paused beside her. "If a man that hot wants to see you in a bikini, the only question to ask is how many should you buy." The woman winked at John and waved her fingers at Elizabeth as she wandered away.

Elizabeth couldn't decide whether to roll her eyes or thank the woman. Instead she pinched the bridge of her nose and sighed. Was this really happening now? Though…she had to admit that maybe the idea wasn't so farfetched. She knew if Suzanne had been there, her words would have probably been identical to those spoken by the woman with pink hair.

"See." John tapped her on the arm, his grin firmly treading into smirking territory. "Try some on."

"I think you'd enjoy that too much." Besides, if she was going to cave, she could guess the sizes pretty accurately, she didn't have to try them on. On a more positive note, she'd just spotted several racks of bathing suit cover ups that would help preserve her dignity if she lost her nerve before her toes hit the sand.

"Bikinis are nice and all, but I like the looks of the next department better." John nodded across the aisle.

Elizabeth glanced up and spotted a huge sign that said "Women's Intimates." She glanced back at him to find that knowing seductive gleam in his eyes. The man had no shame, while she for some unknown reason, he was about to be her husband after all, felt a rush of heat creeping up her neck.

John pressed a quick kiss to her cheek. "You look cute when you blush." He whispered.

She was shaking her head when she stepped away, but she could feel the smile stretch wide across her face. She quickly selected a few swim tops and bottoms before turning to pick up one of the cover ups.

"The fitting rooms are back there." John pointed behind him.

"Too bad for you, I already know my sizes."

An exaggerated pout crossed his face and she mentally sighed and stepped towards him. "How about a private screening once we are settled in for the night?"

His eyes burned through hers. "Room service again?"

"You read my mind." She laughed, as he grabbed her hand and tugged her behind him as he strode across the aisle. "Wait." She broke free of his hold and headed towards a display in the middle of the aisle. She picked up a couple of candles and held them up. "What do you think?"

He took the candles from her hand. "I think we need to hurry." His hand fell onto the small of her back and he nudged her towards the racks of intimates.

~v~v~v

Less than an hour later, they'd settled into another oceanfront hotel. Elizabeth had indulged in a quick soak in the tub after they'd ordered room service. The bathroom in this hotel was even more ridiculously extravagant than the last. Even with her baby sized waistline, she'd still felt like she was swimming in the giant bath tub. After drying off, she'd dug into her bags of new clothes surprised to find a few things she didn't remember picking out. She quickly dressed before heading out to the patio.

John had kicked off his shoes and socks and had changed from jeans into a pair of the cargo shorts he'd picked up that day. He was relaxing on the patio's love seat with a bottle of beer in his hand.

"Room service already here?" She freed her hair from its messy bun and used her fingers to restore some order as she moved closer.

"Mini bar." His eyes were heavy and a smile stretched across his face as she closed in. "You look great. I feel underdressed."

"You're underdressed?" She sank into the love seat next to him and draped an arm around his back. She folded her knees and tucked her feet up on the cushion beside her. "I'm the one wearing a short, silky nightgown with matching robe…and I don't remember picking either of them out." She'd left John to check out when she'd gone in search of the ladies room. Not that she was complaining. She hadn't thought about sleepwear and the ivory silk felt wonderful against her skin. There had been two more in different colors, making her wonder exactly how he'd managed to shop so quickly.

"The sales clerk thought you might like it. As it turned out, I happened to like it."

"There was more than one," she said.

"I liked it a lot? Maybe I'm just generous that way." His eyes trailed down, following the plunging neckline of her nightgown.

She cupped his chin, drawing his eyes up to hers. "Very generous." He'd waved off her credit card when she'd took off for the bathroom and the hotel…she didn't even want to know what their room cost. She loved it too much to let reality ruin it and they deserved to splurge. The thought of John's inheritance still made her slightly uncomfortable, but that money notwithstanding, they'd each gone for years in the Pegasus Galaxy without spending a dime of their pay.

Their hotel room was on the ground floor and it boasted a patio with direct beach access. The patio had fabric walls on either side and a small fence that gave the outdoor living space some well needed privacy. The beach crowds had thinned out as people headed off for dinner leaving them a great view of the sunset.

She realized John's smile had faded and he was staring vacantly out towards the ocean again.

"Hey." She nudged him. "Are you okay?"

John waved his hand around the scenery before them. "What more could I want? The beach, a beautiful day, a beautiful woman." He turned back to her and rubbed his hand along the side of her stomach. "A baby." His eyes dropped towards her stomach, but not before she'd seen the flash of conflict within.

"You're looking at me like you don't believe it's real." Her voice was quiet.

John stood up and moved towards the wrought iron rail of the patio's surrounding fence. "After so much time in the Pegasus Galaxy, sometimes this feels…wrong. Not us." His eyes darted towards her before turning back to the ocean. "It all…I don't know. It kind of feels off somehow, like when we went to that planet with the mist people and we all thought we were back on Earth. It doesn't seem real, it seems like life here is too easy."

Her hands roamed over her stomach as she stood up and moved alongside him. "It doesn't get any more real than this." She nodded down towards her stomach and smiled. "And life here isn't that easy, not for everyone, like those being served by the foundation. But I do understand, at least, I think I do."

She paused for a moment. "When I first got back from Atlantis, anytime I found myself appreciating anything made easier by what our life is on Earth, I felt guilty. Going to a store when I just wanted something, ordering food delivery, even just a quality of life moment like spending time with family or enjoying coffee with Suzanne, I could never totally relax and appreciate it like I should have. Knowing what life is like for those in the Pegasus Galaxy, it sucked most of the joy out of everything that could have- should have- made me feel better."

John's head hung heavy. "What did you do?" He asked after a long moment.

Her forehead furrowed. "Well, I'm not exactly the poster child for making good mental health choices. I gave away all my things and took a job in the Middle East."

John glanced sideways meeting her eyes for a moment and granting her a small smile. "You also quit that job."

She wrapped her arms around John's waist, drawing them closer together. "I think it comes down to finding balance. Finding things that feed your mind, heart and soul."

He reached up and tugged on one of her curls. "That I have."

"More than us, John." She stretched up and kissed him softly, wishing her love could in any way abate some of the darkness that had crept within him. It was something she still struggled with herself, but maybe together they could find their way. "You need to find a way to appreciate life, however trivial it may seem it times. You need to remember what you are fighting for out there in the Pegasus Galaxy."

"That's still easy. You." His hands dropped down to frame her stomach. "And Copter."

"We're not calling the baby Copter." Though him joking again was a step in the right direction. Her fingers trailed down his neck and across to his shoulders. "And that's still not enough."

"I know. I get it. I thought that's why you were traveling last year, to remind yourself what we'd been fighting for out there." John leaned in and pressed a kiss to her cheek. "Do you still feel that way sometimes? Guilty?"

"Almost every day." She admitted. "It wasn't just PTSD that kept me away from stores and my closet empty."

His hand washed down over his face and he sighed. "I wanted to bring the team out to our house, but I keep thinking about the look on Ronon's face when he saw one of my family's homes at my dad's funeral. After everything he lost on Sateda, it feels wrong to show him another, just like it feels wrong to show Teyla everything I have when all the Athosian people have lost their homes more than once. It seems… wasteful. Even you said it was too much house."

She mulled his words for a few moments before responding. "I think for Ronon, seeing Earth again might be a well needed reminder of the society he lost. He said something once that stuck with me, he said he was forgetting little things. I could tell it bothered him."

John's head snapped to the side. "He said that?"

"Only after I told him I was forgetting the sound of my father's voice."

John's head circled around. "Where was I when you two were getting all chatty?"

"It was a five minute conversation when you were unconscious in the infirmary once, it wasn't a big deal."

"Kind of a big deal, he's not much of a talker." John's eyes were wide. "And you've never told me that about your father."

"You never really talk about your mother either." Or his father. She filed that away for another time.

"As for Telya, we may not have the Wraith to deal with on Earth, but we have demons of our own making. The Athosians understand the importance of being present and celebrating life while so many people on Earth fritter their time away focused on regrets from their past or worries about their future. There are so many that value material possessions over personal relationships. I could see many Athosians considering themselves the fortunate ones after being exposed to more of our culture." Her hands traced down his arms to his hands and she laced her fingers through his. "And we haven't always been so lucky, John. It's okay to be happy. That's what we're fighting for, to make sure everyone gets a chance to find their own kind of happy."

John was quiet, his gaze still directed towards his feet though his fingers did tighten their grip on hers. She realized there was something more on his mind. There was something else that still bothered her at times, something it had seemed silly to mention and worry him with, but now she wondered if he was trying to protect her in the same way.

Her thumb rubbed the side of his hand. "There were times along the way, especially when I first got back from Atlantis, that I thought happy was something that just wasn't in the cards for me." John's head jerked back to hers. His eyes were intent upon her as she pulled their laced hands around the sides of her stomach. "Even now, the happier I get, the greater the fear that any moment it will all be yanked away again."

His eyes blazed with intensity. "Nothing will ever tear us apart again." There was an edge to his voice as if he was sending out a warning throughout the entire universe, daring anyone to get in their way.

"I know." She said quietly.

"But you just said…" John's head edged back.

"After what we've been through, I think it would be strange to not carry that fear, but we have to push through it and not let it ruin those pockets in time that are just good. This is one of those times...just in case you were wondering." She smiled softly.

He stared at her a long minute before a small smile finally crossed his face. "You are amazing, you know that?"

She released his hands and gestured between them. "This is amazing." She stretched up and grasped the sides of his head, pulling him down into a kiss.

He had a mischievous look on his face when she pulled away. It was a vast improvement over the conflicted look he carried moments ago, but she was still curious as to the cause. "What are you smiling about?"

"You said amazing, but I have to say I thought that kiss was a little lackluster." He bit down on his lip to quell his growing smile.

She felt a rush of heat flood her cheeks as she stared back into his eyes. "As amazing as kissing you can feel, I'm hungry and I don't want to miss our room service delivery."

That brought of crinkle of amusement to his eyes. "So does that mean I get a do over later?" He asked.

"If you play your cards right…yes." Elizabeth noticed the baby name book was on the side table alongside one of the candles they'd bought. "Dinner by candlelight? And I'm guessing talk of baby names is in my future?"

"I've been flipping through the book while you were in the tub."

"I'm almost afraid to ask what you found." Elizabeth sat down on the love seat and helped herself to the book. Considering it was patio furniture, she was surprised with how deep and soft the cushions were.

John sank into the floor and leaned back against the love seat. "You're the one with a head start on all the baby stuff, you have any names floating around that head of yours?" He reached back and snatched the book out of her hands.

"There was one military name I liked. At the time, I was thinking it would work for a boy or a girl. Cadence, Cade for a boy or Cadie if it had been a girl."

"Not bad. What else?"

She rubbed her temples, trying to remember some of the names that had caught her eye. "I like Chance, it made me think of us. Owen, I thought you might like that, apparently the name means young warrior. I like Colt." She offered.

"Colt?" John glanced over his shoulder towards her, his expression almost hopeful. "You'd let me name my son after a gun?" He stretched his arm back and picked up his beer from the table.

Let? She tried not to roll her eyes. Heaven help her if he did set his heart on a name that made her cringe, John was all but impossible to dissuade once he set his mind to something. "I was thinking of the night we watched Buttercup give birth, the gun reference went right over my head. It's funny now that I think about it, I liked the name Remington too."

John almost choked on his sip of beer when he started laughing. "Most of those aren't very traditional names, that's not what I was expecting."

Her head bobbed to the side and she gave a little shrug. "It's hard to imagine any son of yours having a traditional name."

"My son?" He put his beer down and swiveled around, resting his elbow back on her knee. "You might want to take a good look in the mirror. My life may not have been traditional, but it became a whole different level of strange after I followed you through a wormhole to a different galaxy. _Your_ son needs a name anything but ordinary."

She reached out and affectionately ruffled his hair. "Will you get up here with me? I can't reach you…or the book. I'm starting to wonder what you've marked that you don't want me to see. I gave you some names, now it's your turn."

"Fine." John hauled himself to his feet and plopped down beside her on the love seat. "Since you seem to like the unusual names, what about Wilder?"

Her eyes stretched wide and now it was her turn to laugh. "I don't think we should tempt fate by naming any child with your genes Wilder."

"It wasn't those kind of genes I was thinking about, but it was a Gene. Gene Wilder? I thought it would be a good literary name and one of the few that aren't wimpy or just…bad."

Her head cocked to the side. "Gene Wilder is an actor, John."

"But he played Willy Wonka. Charlie and the Chocolate Factory is a classic."

She was only feeding the beast, but she couldn't but lean in and kiss him, if nothing more than for the earnest expression on his face. "Try again." She smiled as she pulled away.

John handed her the book and turned his head back towards the ocean. The sun had morphed into a deep crimson hue and it was so low against the horizon it looked like it was sinking into the ocean's rippling waters.

His arm stretched out around her shoulder as she glanced down at the book. It was opened to names starting with the letter K and she spotted just one name with a check mark.

"I like Kai. It means sea in Hawaiian." He shrugged, seeming suspiciously casual making her realize he liked the name a lot more than he was letting on.

Kai was more different than any name she had considered, but something about it resonated with her. "So like a water birth for a couple who met because of Atlantis, it's also kind of fitting." She closed the book and set it aside. "Also fitting with your love of surfing."

"That's a complete coincidence." John's sly smile hinted otherwise. "Though it is slightly coincidental because it's so similar to Kyle."

Her father's name. Elizabeth snuggled closer to John, tucking her shoulder under his. His hand closed around her knees as she draped her legs across his lap and she reached out, covering his hand with her own. It wasn't just her child or future children her father wouldn't be there to see. Her father would never get to meet John or see her get married, she thought as her eye caught on her engagement ring. She glanced up and found John's eyes on her.

"You know… there won't be a shortage of volunteers to walk you down the aisle. Your step-father, Dave, Blaze. You know Carson would, even Rodney, though he'd probably never shut up long enough to get you down the aisle."

It tugged at her heart as she considered it and she realized John was right. She was fortunate to have so many people who cared for her. "I never really liked the idea of a man giving me away, though. I know it's more of a sentimental tradition, but sometimes when I think about it…it really is a little strange."

John started laughing. "I didn't mean-"

"I know, but as Suzanne likes to constantly point out, we don't do anything normally, so why should we stop with the wedding?"

Suzanne's reaction to her natural birth plan had been worse than John's. The word freak out actually seemed most appropriate in describing her response. Oddly enough, it had been that same freak out that had moved John firmly into Elizabeth's corner. When he'd heard Suzanne's loud voice belting dramatically out of the phone that afternoon he'd immediately swiped the phone away to come to her defense.

"So you want to walk yourself down the aisle?" John tilted his head closer.

"No way." Not in a million years. She didn't like the idea of all the attention being on her. "Do we even need an aisle or a grand entrance? I'd rather it seem more natural than…I don't know. So forced. Can't we just walk up together, maybe from the side or…maybe…" Her thoughts trailed off when he licked his lips and suddenly all she could think about was his lips and how they were too far away.

He chuckled softly, undoubtedly noticing her reaction. "I'm on board with anything that doesn't unnecessarily put space between you and me."

"Good answer," she whispered as she pulled him into a kiss.

She knew their dinner would be delivered at any minute, but what she'd intended to be a short but tender kiss quickly took on a life of its own. It had been since that morning since she'd had a good toe curling kiss and she'd been craving the taste of his lips, craving the feel of his skin pressed against her own. As if reading her mind, John's hand skimmed under the hem of her nightgown. As their kiss deepened, he started shifting them back and down onto the cushions. A moment later, their lips broke apart when the back of her head struck the side table at the same time she heard a crash from the opposite end of the love seat.

"Son of a bitch." John jumped up and sat up the side table his feet had kicked over. "Are you okay?" He grimaced when he glanced back at her and saw her rubbing the back of her head.

"I think so. What happened? Were you really trying to lay down on the love seat? It's a little short."

John scrubbed his hand down the back of his head. "I didn't notice you complaining." He grinned at her. "Anyway, I think it's a guy thing. Once that kind of kissing starts-"

"Kind of a one track mind?" She laughed. "I liked what it was thinking."

Something started rustling within their hotel room. The patio doors were open, but the drapes were partially closed and obscuring their view.

John stepped to the side. "What the hell?" He yanked back the curtain and the culprit of the noise was immediately revealed when a giant teddy bear rolled out onto the patio.

Elizabeth's hand fell to her side, it was starting to ache from laughing so much that day. "I told you, we should have left it in the Jeep."

"But then I would have needed to put the top back on the Jeep. It just seemed easier to bring it in." John was struggling to free the teddy bear from the drapes, there was still a tag on the bear that had gotten caught on a loose thread of the drapery.

"You just wanted to be able to see the bear and fondly remember your afternoon on the Santa Monica pier."

"Even you enjoyed that Ferris wheel and that says a lot. I know you're afraid of heights."

She'd been more than a little wary, but it had granted them gorgeous views of the coast. "I enjoyed watching you. You should see the look on your face when you're riding. It's pretty adorable. Almost as adorable as the look in your eyes when the rental agency dropped off that Jeep or when you were playing that silly carnival game trying to win that bear. We were there for hours."

"There was no trying, there was only winning and it didn't take me hours to win the bear. As I remember, we spent more time sampling funnel cakes and having lunch." John frowned. "And for the record, the word adorable doesn't belong any sentence describing me."

"Says the man struggling with a four foot teddy bear."

John threw her a mischievous look that told her she'd pay for that remark later. "Well, we crossed a few things off the bucket list. Funnel cakes, Ferris wheels and carnival prizes."

"Those weren't on my list, John." She bit down on her lip knowing full well it did little to hide her smile.

"Well, they were on mine." He disappeared into their room with the giant bear tucked under his arm. He came back with a pack of matches and he leaned down and lit the candle.

"Where did you get matches?" She asked as he sank back into the cushion beside her.

"The front desk. I asked when we checked in."

"Good thinking."

"I was trying to save us some time. You act like we wasted the entire day at the pier, but you're conveniently forgetting all that time we spent at the clinic this morning. What took you and Carson so long anyway?"

"He wanted to check the baby's heart rate again and compare it to yesterday's reading."

John's smile faded. "Everything okay?"

"It was fine. Again. Carson just wanted a baseline since I'd been away from Atlantis overnight. He's fairly certain the baby didn't experience any of the discomfort I did yesterday."

"As good as that is, isn't that a little strange? The baby did seem pretty active yesterday." John's hand rubbed over her stomach.

"The baby was active yesterday," she confirmed. "Carson's guess is that the children of the ancients grew up hearing that voice, grew up feeling that awareness of the technology responding to their gene. To them, it was as natural as breathing air. We grew up being taught that hearing voices in our mind is a bad thing and genes that interact with technology is science fiction."

"So we get headaches not because we are getting used to the gene interacting with technology, but because…"

"Because our perception of reality instinctively makes us doubt it. Fight it." She rubbed her temple, still relieved the headache had so quickly abated after leaving Atlantis and that it hadn't returned. "I remembered Rodney saying he could block the telepathy when he'd been affected by the ascension machine and I started actively trying to block it everything I was experiencing, after all, I had a presidential visit I wanted to appear sane for."

"So that's why it hit you so hard?"

"Well that…and there is the fact that I'm growing a human being inside my body."

John chuckled at that. "Yeah, there is that." He shifted sideways, propping an elbow on the back of the love seat. His fingers tangled lazily into her hair. "Carson say it'll be easier the next time you're on Atlantis?"

"He thinks so. Especially if I've already delivered the baby by then. The whole not hearing voices things alone should help."

"But that had to be pretty cool." John reached past her and snagged the baby name book.

"Only after I was certain I wasn't going crazy."

John pulled the baby book open and thumbed through it. A ray of light was shining out from the room, but between that and the candle, it still wasn't enough light to be reading.

"It's getting a little dark for that." She nudged.

"Hand me that pen, will you?"

"Why, what name did you find now?" She asked as she handed the pen over.

"Not a name, a section. Baby names sure to shock grandma." John had an evil grin on his face when he plucked the pen from her hand. "What about Bandit or Ace?"

"My mother already thinks we're both crazy, no need to add fuel to that fire."

He averted his eyes, but not before she spotted their playful glint. "So is it a bad time to tell you Colt is on that list?" He said.

She picked up one of the small throw cushions and smacked his arm with it. "Enough with the names, give me that book. I'm ready for my romantic dinner and my walk on the beach."

"You're just ready for dinner, I've already learned that romance takes a back seat to your pregnancy hunger." John pulled the pillow from her hand and tossed it to the floor. "And you're not exactly dressed for a walk on a public beach."

"Lucky you. You do enjoy undressing me, especially when I'm wearing dresses."

"But that means I'd have to watch you get dressed again, that takes all the fun out of it." His pout paired with his heavy eyes should have probably seemed childish, but she found herself unwittingly leaning towards him.

"We have all night," she reminded, lightly grasping a handful of his shirt and tugging him closer.

"We don't have all night." His voice rasped just before his lips brushed too briefly against hers. "You need to get to bed at a decent hour. I'm surfing early tomorrow and I saw the look in your eyes this morning, you were disappointed you didn't get to watch."

She instantly stretched for the other throw pillow to knock the smirk off his face.

"Must have struck a nerve." His eyes were sparkling as he ducked back and yanked the pillow away. "Give me that."

"Maybe I was just disappointed to miss watching all the surfers."

"That's a terrible answer." His face twisted. "You'd better not be watching anyone else. Especially considering I'm just angling to get you up early so I can finally see you in that bikini." His kiss this time was anything but brief. His lips were heated, dominant and determined… completely succeeding in their mission to make her forget about watching any man but the one pulling her into his arms.

"I was kidding," she murmured when he backed away. "But I'll have to remember the effect that type of teasing has on you. It was very…"

"Amazing?" He suggested, reminding her of their earlier round of verbal sparring.

Her fingers brushed against her bottom lip and she realized her eyes were still staring intently at his lips, already missing the feel of them covering her own. "Distracting." She finally managed.

Someone pounded on the hotel room door. "Room service."

John leaned in and kissed her softly. "Let me grab the food." He stood up, but paused in the door and looked back at her. "I'm looking forward to distracting you some more later." His eyes simmered over hers until the knocking started again.

She tucked her legs back behind her on the cushion and angled her body to the side. "I'm counting on it," she said, as she tugged on the neckline of her night gown. It was more low cut than she was used to, either that or still more cleavage than she was used to. She smiled softly as his eyes immediately tracked her hands down towards her bust. "John?"

"Hmm?" He blinked rapidly and refocused on her eyes.

"The food?"

"Damn it," he swore softly, shaking his head at her as if she had been misbehaving. "And you called me distracting?" His raised a brow at her, before ducking into their room.

She laughed quietly. She hadn't intentionally drawn his attention towards her chest, but that was another move she needed to file away for future reference.

She directed her eyes back towards the ocean. The sun had set and the sky was dark save for the moon and the few stars she was able to see. Her eyes strained as she searched the darkness above. The only thing that could possibly make that night better would be the constellations of the Pegasus Galaxy. She reached back and unlatched her locket, before opening it up and holding it near the flickering candle. Soon, she thought, as she looked at the picture of her favorite constellation John had put inside. The baby kicked and the corners of her mouth curved up. Soon, she thought again.

John stepped back on the patio with the tray of food and all thoughts of _soon_ fell away. The _now_ was pretty damn good and she didn't want to waste even a moment of their time thinking about tomorrow, however good those thoughts might be.

~TBC

A/N: I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for continuing to follow this story and special thanks for all of you who take the time to leave comments. I love, love, love seeing your thoughts. I'm still here, there and everywhere…at the mercy of airports and TSA, but I don't expect the next chapter to be any longer than two weeks…and probably same thing for each chapter going forward. Just know they are coming and follow if you'd like email alerts when the next chapter posts.


	25. Chapter 25

A/N: Some mild mature content, mostly implied, nothing graphic. Sorry ;)

 _Wednesday morning…_

Elizabeth's heart was racing when she jerked awake. Her body was trembling and it took a moment for her eyes to focus on John, what little she could see of him with his head tucked in against her neck.

"What's wrong?" His voice rasped groggily as his arms tightened around her.

"Just a bad dream." Her voice was shaky. It had been her first one since John had returned and while she was relieved it hadn't included either the Asurans or Koyla, she almost would have preferred those demons to facing what she feared the most.

"Nightmare? Tell me whose ass I need to kick." His words came slowly, already sounding like he was slipping back into sleep.

"Yours."

"What?" There was a definite spike of alertness in his voice.

"Never mind, please forget it. I'm fine." She rubbed her hand along his arm, in what she hoped was a reassuring gesture, wondering what had possessed her to admit it had been a bad dream in the first place. Lack of sleep maybe, lowered inhibitions likely, but still, she should have played it off as the baby kicking or something else, anything else that wouldn't force her to burden him with this particular fear.

John just grunted sleepily in response and shifted, pulling her closer within his arms. Despite their best intent, they'd stayed up late the night before and they'd still risen early so John could surf. They'd returned to the room by nine, immediately gravitating back into bed.

She huddled closer back against him, but even the warmth from John's body wasn't enough to alleviate the icy fear that had flooded her veins. In her dream, her son was cradled in her arms as she stood on the balcony watching the Stargate shut down after John's team had come in hot…and without him.

"Go back to sleep, baby," he murmured. "I've got you."

He'd never called her baby until a few nights ago and as it slipped from his lips again, she started to understand why the dream had hit her so hard. On Atlantis, they worked or were on call twenty-four seven, it had been impossible to separate their personal life from their work life, separate themselves from their jobs. Even when he appeared carefree, she'd always sensed the watchful tension just under the surface, that strength and ferocity just waiting to break through at the first sign of trouble. It would have seemed laughable to have ever called him baby, even in those most intimate of moments. She'd never thought about it before, but it was probably the same for him.

The time they'd spent together on Earth had been first time they had ever truly just been John and Elizabeth and something had shifted between them. The bond between had deepened. In the dream, it hadn't been her military commander that hadn't returned through the Stargate, it had been her husband.

Her trembling increased as the ramifications of that sunk in. She probably wouldn't ever be able to compartmentalize her feelings again. While she'd thought of how being a father would impact decisions John made in the field, she'd never considered how it would make her feel when she was once again watching the Stargate awaiting his return. It had been borderline tortuous before…and her dream had given her a taste of the agony of what was yet to come.

Each minute that passed, John's breathing deepened as he fell back to sleep. Soothing as watching him sleep could be, it took minutes longer for her trembling to cease and when it did, her body was stiff and uncomfortable from the tension. Finally, she slipped from the bed and pulled on loose capris and a tank before moving into the living room. She grabbed the yoga mat she'd spotted the day before and headed out on the deep balcony that spanned both the living room and bedroom of their hotel suite.

She'd only started taking yoga after Blaze's incessant nagging. At the time, she'd thought Blaze was just angling for any in with Andy, it was his gym where the classes were being held. As it turned out, Blaze hadn't needed any help with his romantic pursuit, but it had become clear she had needed the help with stress management. Though she'd ungracefully fumbled her way through those first classes, even in the beginning, it had made an immediate impact, teaching her skills to help her focus, still her mind, relax her body; skills that would have undoubtedly been more valuable than half of her college courses.

She laid out the mat and cast her eyes towards the ocean. The salty ocean breeze dusted against her nose and she inhaled a deep cleansing breath before exhaling slowly, starting the process of calming her mind.

Thirty minutes later, she was holding the dolphin pose when she heard John sweep back the drapes and trudge through the bedroom doorway onto the balcony. She held her pose and turned her head towards him. He was standing a few feet away, with just the sheet from the bed gathered around his waist.

"Where'd you get the yoga mat?" He asked, as he rubbed his sleepy eyes with the back of his hand.

"It was in our room; I guess they just keep them here for the guests."

"Feeling better?"

"Working on it," she said as she sat back on her knees.

A smile crept across her face as she took in his full appearance. From one side, he looked completely normal, but, as the other side of his face came into view, she spotted a prominent bedhead cowlick paired with the impressions of wrinkled sheets imprinted in his cheek.

"What?" He seemed to suddenly notice her stare.

"Why do you insist on destroying our bed each morning? Yesterday with the water, today you're tearing the sheets from the bed." She wasn't about to tell him that the appearance he was boasting right now was an incredibly good look for him. He looked sleepy, goofy, and somehow still insanely hot, though his state of undress may have contributed to the effect.

"I worried when you weren't in bed when I woke up. The sheet seemed faster than digging for clothes." His mouth curled into a sultry smile. "In my defense, our bed was already pretty wrecked before we went to sleep. Both nights," he added pointedly, "and I'm looking forward to the same tonight."

There were times she wondered how she'd ended up with such a …guy, but as her eyes drifted over his body, she was grateful for the millionth time that she had. There was something empowering about having a man like John direct such blatant need and want her way, and while his ability to make her feel lust worthy was low on the list of reasons she loved him, it was one of the more enjoyable ones.

She rolled up the yoga mat and set it aside before climbing to her feet.

"You don't have to stop," he said as she moved towards him. His eyes predictably fell to her chest when she straightened her tank. "In fact, I'm pretty sure I would enjoy watching."

She paused and tugged gently on his sheet. "Of that I have little doubt, but I was just finishing when you came out."

"Did it help? Seemed like that nightmare shook you up a little."

"It helped." She started moving back into the bedroom. It helped for now anyway. She had a feeling that particular nightmare would become part of the permanent rotation, though it was the first bad dream she'd had with John sharing her bed. With any luck, if his presence didn't completely extinguish them, maybe they would at least be less frequent.

She swiveled back, watching John shut the door and drapes behind her. When he moved towards her, his feet tangled in the sheet, sending him slightly off balance. Instead of trying to straighten himself, he grasped her hips, gently pulling her down with him as he rolled back onto the bed.

"Haven't destroyed the bed to your liking yet?" She laughed as she leaned towards him, hoping to distract him from her nightmare with a kiss.

His hands framed her face and he held her back, not allowing her to close the gap between them. "You need to tell me what caused that nightmare, because whatever caused it, I'm planning to kill it if it isn't already dead." The look in his eyes told her he wasn't entirely kidding.

"You can't kill this." She said, immediately regretting her words. While she didn't want to lie, she still preferred distraction than to caving and telling him what she'd dreamed.

"Are you sure? I'm pretty good at killing things, not that it's something I should probably brag about." He released her face, but continued to study her closely. "And you're going to have to tell me, isn't that in the marriage vows? Something about protection?"

Elizabeth gave up on the kiss. She leaned back on the pillows and sighed. "You're the one whose been married before, why are you asking me?"

He gaped at her. "I can't believe you brought that up, that was low." He reached out and tugged on a strand of her hair. "Besides, it didn't really count anyway."

She couldn't help but laugh at the serious expression on his face. "I've seen your divorce paperwork, John, that was an awful lot of legalese for something that didn't count."

"First of all, it should be illegal to get married when you are that young and second of all…it wasn't really our idea in the first place. I never actually proposed. I didn't even buy her the ring, it was her grandmothers."

It had been kind of low for her to bring it up, it wasn't something she'd ever want to give anyone a hard time about. He just made it too easy to aggravate him sometimes and the words had slipped without thought.

His expression grew more determined. "I'm serious. Her parents kept talking about in the one day kind of way and we just shook it off. Then one day, her parents whipped out the ring and before I knew it, it was on her finger and her dad was busting out a twenty-year old single malt scotch and Cuban cigars."

It wasn't the first time he'd told the story and each time he did, she still found it hard to imagine. But while that sounded nothing like the John Sheppard she knew, the John Sheppard who was decisive and headstrong and who would never consider marriage if he wasn't a hundred percent committed, she knew all that had happened after his mother's death. He'd been drifting, in a virtual fog of grief and Nancy's family had been kind, if somewhat pushy, and a well needed contrast to his father. They had been good to John and Elizabeth didn't begrudge him that.

Her silence must have made him uncomfortable, because he cleared his throat and started talking again.

"Even the marriage itself didn't feel real. You and I have spent more nights together than I ever spent with Nancy, I was always gone."

Now it was her turn to start feeling uncomfortable and it was long past time to put him out of his misery. "You need to stop while you're ahead, John, because if you start talking about your sex life before us, I'll start sharing mine… and I can guarantee you don't want to go there."

He flinched. "Right. Sorry."

"And I've already told you, you don't need to feel guilty or explain having been married before. Everything that happened in both of our pasts, all those things made us who we are today and led us down the path to each other. I wouldn't want you to change a thing."

John's hand scrubbed down the back of his head and he looked completely confused. "How the hell did the conversation get here anyway?"

"I have a feeling all those emergencies constantly popping up on Atlantis probably saved us from a lot of crazy conversations like this one."

He gave a small huff of laughter. "You're probably right."

Though at least the crazy turn of conversation had directed his attention away from the nightmare.

"We were talking about marriage vows, that's how the crazy stated." She snuggled closer to him and laid her head against his chest. "I'm pretty sure there is something about having and holding in those vows, why don't we just focus on the holding for a while."

He settled back against the pillows and wrapped his arms around her. "Speaking of vows, you're not going to make me write my own, are you?" John sounded horrified at the thought.

That would certainly be an exercise in torture. Make the man who struggled to say I love you write his own vows and profess heartfelt sentiments before a crowd of people, a thought that she wasn't even comfortable with.

"I'm sure we can find a modern script and make it so you just have to say I do, slide the ring on, and kiss me."

"We're having a small ceremony, right?"

His question came too quick and she almost laughed. She pulled back and looked up at him. "You're the one who talked to Suzanne, you were supposed to tell her small."

"Oh." He rubbed his chin casually. "We might need to give her a call today."

"John."

"You can't blame me, you made me call her. Once she starts talking it's kind of hard to get a word in edgewise."

A cell phone started ringing and John reached back and snatched his off the bedside table. "Speak of the devil. Your turn." John passed his phone over.

"Hi Suze, how-"

Suzanne interrupted, her words tumbling out in a never ending stream as she conveyed all the plans she'd somehow already managed to make that morning.

Elizabeth figured she was fighting a losing battle. Instead of trying to get a word in edgewise, she just put the call on speakerphone.

"I figured you'd be okay having the wedding on Sunday, you two don't do anything normally anyway, which works because all the good caterers, photographers, and venues are booked for the next year on Saturdays. But…I can get you in the Sunday after I get back from my honeymoon. My wedding planner recommended a great location. It's a historic home with beautiful gardens. It's on a river, so you kind of get the water thing you always wanted."

Elizabeth glared at John and he just shrugged. "You said she'd take it easy on me." He hissed quietly. "You were wrong."

"So," Suzanne didn't skip a beat, "I've emailed over the guest list from my wedding, I thought that would be a good place for you two to start since most of the guests would be the same. Just cut and add and get it back to me today, I need a head count for the caterer. And addresses…I need addresses for invitations."

There was a pause and Elizabeth could imagine Suzanne gasping for air before gulping a sip of whatever caffeine laden concoction was undoubtedly in her hand.

"Hello?! If this call dropped and I have to repeat all that I'm going to need more espresso. Please tell me you're still there."

"We're here." Elizabeth laughed. "Sunday is …," she looked at John and he nodded, "Sunday is fine. We'll look at the invite list, but it's going to be small Suzanne. Understand?"

"Yeah, fine, whatever. Wait…what did you say? Oh, and I almost forgot, you need to buy wedding rings and get your marriage license. When are you back?"

Elizabeth started to speak, but Suzanne cut her off again.

"Well, you'll have to be back Friday for our rehearsal dinner. Dave and I are getting our license that afternoon, you can go with us. They're good for thirty days."

John leaned towards her. "Kind of like listening to Rodney, isn't it?"

Elizabeth grinned and shook her head warning him off, the last thing she needed was to laugh and accidentally insult her friend's morning of hard work.

"So, how's the babymoon going?" Suzanne choppily segued. "I read an article in Women's Health magazine that some women get a burst in libido during those final months of pregnancy, how's that working out for you?"

"Suzanne, you're on speakerphone." Elizabeth's eyes pressed together.

"Oh. So…. John, how's that going for you?" Suzanne sounded like John looked, like they were both trying not to laugh.

"Suze-"

"Does that mean you're not interested their recommended positions?" Suzanne's laugh floated through the phone. "You don't have to answer, just remember…Women's Health magazine, available at drugstores everywhere." Her laughter was still tinkling as the phone went dead.

Elizabeth set the phone aside. Her brain was scrambling to even find a starting place to acknowledge everything Suzanne had just relayed.

"Babymoon?" John asked. His eyes were twinkling; he was doing a lousy job of suppressing his amusement at that final twist from Suzanne's one-way conversation.

At least he was trying to not laugh, not that she would have minded if he did. No one else she'd ever been with had been able to not just handle, but appreciate Suzanne's effervescent personality. Simon had always shied away from her friend, he found her unfiltered frankness off-putting. It had been an ominous sign from the very start of their relationship, but she'd been too busy with work and it had just been easier to sweep it all to the side and not deal with it.

"A babymoon is kind of a last romantic getaway before the baby. In our case, it's really all the honeymoon we're likely to get. Since I can't fly…and our wedding is so close to the due date, I don't think a honeymoon is in our future anytime soon."

John started untangling himself from the sheet wrapped around his waist. "If this is a babymoon, aren't you wearing too many clothes?"

"Didn't seem like good idea to do naked yoga on a balcony overlooking a public beach."

His lips quirked at that. "Fair enough, but you're not on a balcony or doing yoga anymore and you're breaking the second rule of being naked."

Elizabeth glanced over at the clock. It was eleven and the hotel had given them a two o'clock checkout. "Why don't we get the invitation list out of the way and then I'll let you convince me to ditch the clothes."

John's brows raised in mock indigence. "Are you really offering to reward me with sex? That suspiciously sounds like a bad married couple cliché."

She reached out and trailed her finger slowly down his chest, before flicking her eyes back to his. "I never said anything about sex, I meant convince me to lose my clothes. After all, I want to get a shower before we get on the road."

She saw the flare in his eyes and realized she'd presented him with a challenge with her teasing, a challenge he'd have a hard time backing down from.

He leaned in, his mouth so close she could feel his warm breath on her lips. Her mouth angled towards his in anticipation of his kiss, but instead he abruptly grasped the hem of her capris, peeling them down and off her legs in one fell swoop.

"Hey, invitations remember?" She halfheartedly protested. "I didn't say you could start undressing me yet."

John maneuvered until he was above her, bracing his weight on his palms. "I don't remember asking permission, but if it's permission I need, don't worry. I don't plan on taking anything else off, not until…" His words trailed off as he sat back on his knees and picked up her leg, his lips brushing just above her ankle.

"Until I ask?" The tone of her voice was entirely too needy.

"I was thinking beg, but I might be willing to make an exception if you ask nice enough." His voice had molted into his deepest, huskiest tone, and when it hit that pitch, all of his words started to sound like a decadent incantation and it didn't take much to put her under a hypnotic spell from his charms in the first place.

"Invitations," she tried again in what was unarguably the weakest protest of all time. Her hand stretched for him, but she was unable to reach him, her fingers only managing to swipe messily through his hair. He lowered himself onto the bed and she cursed softly as she realized his intent.

His palm curled under her knee and his lips brushed her leg just above his fingers. "You've always been louder than you think you are."

"That's why I try not to swear that much." A soft gasp slid past her lips as palms ran up the inside of her thighs, eliciting a husky chuckle from him in response.

"I wasn't talking about your mastery of profanity."

He edged higher, silky locks of his hair brushed softly against one leg, while the scruff on his face gently scraped against the other. Her head dropped back against the pillow. She could feel his breath falling hot on her skin as his lips embarked upon a tortuously slow path. Darting spirals of heat raced away from the wake of his fingers and his mouth.

"John." She more moaned than spoke his name, all thoughts of invitations slipping away from her mind.

His laughter rumbled across the delicate skin of her inner thigh. "This is going to be easier than I thought."

~v~v~v

She jerked awake, again. Not from a nightmare, this time she'd been roused suddenly from sleep when the baby stirred and kicked under her ribs. John moved behind her, the scruff on his face tickling the bare skin of her back and sending a soft, appreciative shudder down her spine. John shushed her and spooned up closer behind her. It was hard to shake the fog of sleep with the press of his muscled body tight against her, his hands stroking through her hair and down her body.

"It's okay, baby. I've got you." His voice rasped against her ear, his tone so tender it made her melt back against him. "I've been pushing you too hard the past few days, I haven't let you get enough rest."

It was hard to believe the same man who had pleasurably tortured her not long ago had shifted gears so radically. She could hear the worry in his voice, worry laced with more than a tinge of guilt.

"It wasn't a nightmare, just the baby kicking." She twisted her head back towards him, stretching back her arm and threading her fingers through his hair. "And you're not pushing me."

Though she should have been exhausted. She had started tiring more easily in her third trimester and they had been constantly moving and not getting a lot of sleep. The extra energy was undoubtedly from that endorphin fueled high of just having him by her side.

He dipped his head, bringing their mouths together and kissing her tenderly as one of his hands stroked over her stomach. "Where's Jameson kicking?" He asked as he pulled away.

That prompted a trickle of laughter. "You're not naming your son after whiskey." She released her grip on his hair and let her head fall back against the pillow.

"What about Porter?"

"Or beer." Though she couldn't see his face, she could vividly picture the roguish grin undoubtedly plastered there.

"You don't know that's what I was thinking." He kissed the back of her shoulder as his hand drifted up from her stomach, lazily groping at her breast. "They are perfectly good names."

"They might be perfectly good names, but I think you just woke up thirsty. Stop using the hotel minibar for inspiration and stop pitching baby names when you are pawing at me. You're not going to slip a crazy name past me no matter how foggy you make my brain."

"At least I didn't try for OJ." He chuckled softly against her ear as she brought her heel back against his shin. "And I didn't just wake up. I couldn't sleep. I went through the email Suzanne sent, my list is done."

"I hope you didn't just cross off all the ones you didn't know."

"She had them sorted by Dave's guests and hers. I just went through Dave's list and I emailed you the people from Atlantis I was thinking of asking."

His fingers were stroking almost casually against her skin and her nerves were already starting to flutter appreciatively in response. If they had any chance of getting on the road that day, she needed to redirect his attention while she still had the capacity to do so.

She laced her fingers though his and pulled his hand away from her breast. "The baby's already turned, you can feel him kicking here."

"That reminds me, when's your next doctor's appointment?"

"Next Monday, why?" She asked.

"Bunch of emails from work too. They want to schedule a video conference or bring us back next week once they get a better handle on a few rising concerns. McKay is freaking out over power consumption, running the cloak continuously isn't helping, plus they've been bringing on board new personal, new supplies-"

"Adding to the weight of takeoff. They should have the Daedalus beam the supplies up after Atlantis makes orbit."

"Weight is a minimal concern in light of everything else. There are plenty of other things more pressing, McKay outdid himself with this update to the how screwed we are report."

She sighed, reminded again that a leisurely afternoon in bed wasn't in their future. "I guess I need to check my email too."

"After that, if you're up for it, I thought we might try to push as far north as Carmel. If we get on the road by two, we can make it before dinner."

That actually didn't sound so bad, she'd been enjoying the coastal drive even if it did take more time than going by interstate. The scenery was gorgeous and she was enjoying the look on John's face as he steered the Jeep along the coast. She had a feeling that enjoyment would surge even more once they hit the historic and winding Route 101. "I've never been there, but I've heard it's beautiful."

"It would bring us closer to San Francisco, so we could spend two nights there if you want." John's lips found their way onto her neck. "We can stay in bed or sit on the beach all day tomorrow, no driving or rushing around. I thought it might be good for you to get a break. We'd just need to get up early Friday to meet Lorne at the hanger."

She shifted around so she could see him better, resettling on her back. "That means only one bed to destroy for the next two nights, think you can handle that?" She bit down on her lip, probably doing a lousy job of hiding her grin.

He flashed a soft, simmering smile. "That's what housekeeping is for." John reached down for her hand and his thumb brushed over her engagement ring. "Suzanne also emailed the name of a jeweler there, someone a friend knows, so we could look at wedding rings."

She still found it hard to picture John wearing a wedding band, well, wearing it and not constantly fidgeting with it. "You don't have to do the ring thing if you don't want to. I know a lot of the military personnel don't wear them."

John's forehead creased as he studied her face. "They don't always wear them in the field, but they have one and so will I."

There wasn't a trace of hesitation in his voice and it tugged at her heart to realize he was dead set on wearing one. "You know, they sell men's bands that are made of titanium."

"They make aircraft out of titanium." John's tone was of wondrous delight. "They make wedding bands with that?"

"They do." She had known that would catch his attention.

"That could be cool," he offered casually, though she could tell he was trying to temper his enthusiasm.

"Just a little?" Her grin widened when John rolled his eyes and cocked his head to the side, avoiding her knowing smile. "I guess we need to get up," she said, glancing at the clock.

That caught his attention. His eyes snapped back to hers, wrought with fresh determination. "We're not going anywhere, not until you tell me about the nightmare. You keep dodging me but you should know by now I'm sharper than I look. I'm not going to forget no matter how good your skills of distraction are, so don't bother trying that again. Not until tonight anyway," he added in a suggestive tone.

"Distraction?" She asked innocently.

"Maybe retaliation is a better word for it, though if you think what happened this morning will teach me a lesson, I think you misunderstand the definition of punishment. I don't think it's supposed to work out that well for the person being punished."

John had gotten too worked up earlier to be patient long enough to make her beg, leaving him entirely too vulnerable when she'd turned the tables on him.

"I don't know," she said, hoping some of her lascivious thoughts were shining through her eyes. "There is a certain amount of satisfaction in making you beg after you'd threatened me with it."

"I did not beg." John bristled.

She rolled onto her side to face him. "Only because you weren't coherent enough to speak, the begging was implied."

He was laughing softly when she pulled his mouth to hers. His hands framed her face and his kiss was soft and deep and slow, making her wish they could lay in bed all day with their mouths fused together.

"Stop distracting me woman." He ducked back when she swatted at him. "And tell me about the nightmare."

She started to roll back away from him, but he caught her hips, holding her in place.

He cupped her chin, drawing her eyes up to his. "Elizabeth."

She diverted her eyes, mentally cursing herself for not covering better earlier. Telling him wouldn't help her and it would only add to his worries.

"What the hell can be so bad that has you speechless? Come on, Elizabeth."

She suddenly realized her silence may well have been more unnerving than her fear itself. "In my dream, I was on Atlantis." She cast her eyes back to his. "I was standing on the control room balcony, holding our son."

His eyes narrowed. "Go on."

"The gate shut down after your team came through…"

"That doesn't sound so bad-"

"Without you."

His jaw pulsed with tension and he swallowed hard.

She shook her head. "I shouldn't have said anything, it's not fair to you, I just-"

He cut her off with a quick kiss before he tugged her more tightly within his arms. "Have I ever not found my way back to you?"

The conviction in his eyes melted some of that icy fear. "No, but you do have a bad habit of making me wait."

He pulled back, catching her eyes with penetrating gaze. "I'll always make my way back to you. And going forward, I promise to try to do so in a more timely manner."

She forced a small smile in return wishing she felt as confident as he sounded. His lips pressed together and she knew he could see her doubt.

"I should probably tell you I had a talk with O'Neill the other day… or rather he had a talk with me," John said. "He pulled me off to the side when the brass was having a word with the President."

"Jack? What did he say?"

"He told me I've logged as many field hours as he has." His head tilted and his gaze turned more scrutinizing. "You already knew that, didn't you?"

She nodded. "He spoke to me about it a few months ago."

"I don't get it, I've got five years in this program. Jack had, what, at least eight before he stopped going out on missions? It doesn't add up."

"You don't get days off, you are always on call, and how much leave have you taken in the past five years? Almost none. To me, it wasn't exactly surprising news. Jack is worried about you burning out and, honestly, he should be. I asked if he had any better ideas and he just shook his head."

"Well, he's had some time to think and he has other ideas. Apparently, everyone was a little freaked out by what happened last week and not just because of the Wraith. If it hadn't been for Carson..."

John's voice trailed off, but it only took a moment for Elizabeth to understand. While many members of the expedition had the ATA gene either naturally or via the gene therapy, few of them could activate the chair and none with the control that John or Carson commanded.

"They are worried about contingencies. If something were to happen to you-"

"They need to minimize risk because they don't have a lot of options. They didn't exactly treat Carson well, but they are trying to make up for that now. That being said, Carson has his own agenda and it doesn't include him spending the bulk of his time on Atlantis."

Her brain was struggling to process all her streaming thoughts. If she understood his words…"Are they pulling you from missions? Because Jack never discussed that with me, I wouldn't have supported it."

"I know, Elizabeth. This wasn't your doing. They're not pulling me from missions, they are asking me to delegate more, not send my team out as much. I don't even necessarily think it's a bad idea. It's frustrating as hell to get back after a long day only to find out I need to head back out to clean up someone else's mess…a mess I could have prevented had I been in the control room to tell them to get their heads out of their asses before they got in trouble in the first place."

"So you're okay with this?" She couldn't be understanding him correctly.

"Let's just say I get it. I'll support it, but I'm not thrilled with it. It makes me think about Jack giving up SG1-"

"Only after defeating the Goa'uld and only then because he got promoted." Elizabeth reminded. "So what exactly did you two work out?"

"I'm not ready to give up my team and he knows that, but I agreed to delegate more as long as I can go out whenever I need to be out there. I'll just be sitting out on the routine, boring stuff that makes me crazy anyway. McKay's been whining about getting more research time, Teyla wants more time with her family. And Ronon…well, he's never going to take his foot off the gas, but we can keep him as busy as he wants, send him out with the other teams. He could do more in the field training with our teams too, it would only make them stronger."

Her jaw went slack. Even though they'd been apart, she'd picked up on the changes in John over the past couple years. His mission reports were more timely, more detailed. The decisions he made, the structure of the teams on Atlantis...the operation had become more sharp, their procedures more refined. He had grown in his role and she was just starting to realize how much he had…matured sounded too patronizing, but it still seemed the most fitting.

"What? It's not a big deal." John blustered. "You're looking at me like I've grown a second head."

She didn't want to sound condescending by telling him what she was really thinking and couldn't think of a way to phrase her thoughts any differently at that moment. She blinked rapidly trying to find some other appropriate response. There was one thing that hadn't escaped her attention. "So you're telling me I won't have to worry as often, but when you do go off world, I won't just have reason to worry… I'll have reason to worry more than usual?"

John's mouth slightly opened and he paused for a moment. "When you put it that way, it sounds kind of crappy. Besides that, I have a feeling my definition of need to be out there differs from O'Neill's. I'll still be going on plenty of missions, just not seven days a week plenty."

"I'll try to just focus on the not having to worry as often part then." She sighed softly and nudged at his side. "Hand over that laptop, I want to knock out the invitation list so we can get on the road."

"You're just hungry, aren't you?" He laughed when she shrugged in confirmation. "Okay, let's get moving. We need to pick up one of those Women's Health magazine's too." His brows popped suggestively.

John's phone rang again, saving her from a response.

"Dave," John said as he handed over the laptop and stepped out of bed. "Yeah, that's the plan."

He stepped towards the balcony doors, his hand absentmindedly scratching his lower back while he listened, drawing her attention down the still bare bottom half of his body.

"John," she called as she opened the laptop. "Since you already destroyed the bed, you should really consider using that sheet." She tugged the blanket higher up her chest. They were on an upper floor, but still, she didn't want to risk her own exposure when he opened the balcony door.

He quickly released the curtains he'd started to pull open. He turned back, a sheepish grin on his face. "Dave, hold on a second." John put the phone down and sorted through the pile of linen and clothing that littered the floor. He tossed over her nightgown and kept digging until he came up with his cargo shorts. "Thanks for the warning," he said as he pulled on the shorts.

She just rolled her eyes as she tugged on the nightgown before turning her attention to the emails that had piled up in her inbox.

John grabbed his phone. "I'm back." He listened for a moment as he stepped onto the balcony. "Just after midnight."

After midnight? Those were the last words she heard before the balcony door closed behind him, but the thought quickly left her mind once she spotted the size of Rodney's how screwed we are report. She took a deep breath and started reading.

~v~v~ v~v~

 _Later that night, Carmel…_

Elizabeth reached out and gently squeezed John's knee. He'd insisted on sitting beside her at the table instead of across from her, not wanting to put even that small bit of distance between them. That's what he'd said anyway, she still wasn't convinced it wasn't because she'd chosen the side of the table with the better view.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay for desert?" Her eyes slowly panned the scenic view before them. "We can see the whales from here."

They'd found a restaurant overlooking the ocean and had eaten dinner outside on the terrace. It was ridiculously beautiful, the kind of setting that could be the cover shot of one of those glossy travel magazines she always fawned over in the airports.

"We can see the whales from our hotel balcony too. We should tell Keller about this place, get Rodney to take her."

"I'm not sure Rodney would appreciate the whales in the same way we do."

"Exactly," he said grinning deviously.

"John-"

"I'm kidding, I don't really want to tell anyone about this place. I don't want to run into anyone we know the next time we visit." John stood up and reached for her hand to help her up. "We can come back here for dinner tomorrow, that was the beauty of pushing into Carmel tonight, remember? We have another day here. Besides, there's something I want to show you, a little surprise."

"Surprise?" She asked as they moved towards the exit. They hadn't been apart very much for him to be working on surprises.

The host stepped forward, cutting off John's chance to respond. "We appreciate you and your wife stopping by this evening." The host opened the door to wave them off. "I hope you can dine with us again."

"Thanks." John said, before turning to catch her eye. "Let's go, honey," he emphasized the endearment. He tugged her swiftly away before the host could catch the bemused expression on her face.

It was only a five minute drive back to their hotel. After they parked, instead of taking the path towards the guest rooms, John drew her towards the trail leading to the beach.

"Good idea," she said as she stepped out of her shoes. She was going to miss their nightly walks on the beach when they returned home.

John glanced down at his watch. "I'm glad to hear you say that." He paused long enough to remove his shoes, before grabbing hers and storing both pairs in the shelves provided by the hotel.

"I thought you said something about a surprise." She remembered.

"Always so impatient," he scolded softly.

She glanced up, expecting to see a cocky grin, but instead he had an excited gleam in his eye…not dissimilar from the look in his eye when he'd first spotted the Ferris wheel at the Santa Monica Pier.

His fingers laced through hers. "Watch your step, it's a little dark."

The trail to the beach was illuminated by lanterns. The light was soft, but it was more than enough to help them pick their way down the path. When they crossed over the top of a small dune, she spotted a bonfire glistening a short way down the beach.

"We should do that one night," she breathed, longingly eyeing the fire. It was a nice night, but the breeze rolling in from the ocean felt cool against her bare arms and she'd forgotten to bring her light sweater to wear over her dress.

She'd expected John to lead them straight down to the water, instead, they were closing in on the bonfire. There was only one man by the fire and as they grew closer she realized he was wearing the uniform of the hotel's staff.

"Good evening." The man waved in greeting.

"John?"

"Did you know our hotel has a beach concierge?" John turned and smiled, when he saw her shaking her head no. "Neither did I until I checked us in. Pretty cool, though, isn't it?"

Words eluded her, she could only nod her head in affirmation.

"Mr. Sheppard, everything is set up as you requested. If you happen to think of anything else you need, just give us a call at this number." The man extended a business card. "I hope you and your wife enjoy your evening."

People had been referring to her as his wife for days and neither bothered to correct them anymore. It didn't matter and she suspected John enjoyed hearing it as much as she did.

As the beach concierge slipped away into the darkness, her eyes surveyed the site. She spotted a large stack of wood, more than enough feed the fire late into the night. Near the fire a blanket was spread out, a cooler and picnic basket at its side. Her eyes stretched wide as she noted rose petals scattered around the site, their red hue a vivid contrast against the white sands of the beach.

John looked extremely proud of himself as he helped her settle down onto the blanket. "What do you think?"

"This is amazing… and ridiculously romantic." She nestled close to him not pausing until their lips were just inches apart. "There are rose petals on the sand, John."

"Nothing but the best for my wife." He laughed softly as lips came together in a tender kiss.

She wanted to savor the feel of his lips against hers, somehow convey her appreciation of his romantic gesture, but he pulled away too soon, leaving her to regret the brevity of the contact.

John threw another log on the fire before digging into his pocket. He came up with a battered looking brochure that he handed over. "The roses were part of the package." John reached back and opened the cooler. "Thirsty? It's packed full of mommy to be friendly drinks. Water, juice, lemonade, milk."

Had she ever heard him say the word mommy before? Sometimes she wondered if she wasn't a bit too smitten because every damn thing he did shouldn't seem so ridiculously cute. He was scrutinizing her face, awaiting a response.

"Milk?" She asked. That seemed like an odd choice at a bonfire.

John reached for a picnic basket and drug it closer. "It goes with the chocolate chip cookies."

"Cookies?" She leaned forward, trying to peer into the basket to see what other goodies it held.

"Or s'mores. Everything we need to make them is in the basket." John glanced back and did a double take when he found her wide eyed and staring. "Why are you looking at me like that?"

Inflating John's ego was never a good move, but he may have never deserved it as much as he did at that moment. "I was just thinking you set the bar pretty high. What are you going to do for our wedding anniversary?"

He rewarded her words with a knee weakening simmering stare. "Maybe we should come back here," he finally said, nodded towards the brochure. "Try the original package."

She glanced down at the brochure and saw the original bonfire package included choice of champagne and strawberries or wine and cheese. "I don't see s'mores or chocolate chip cookies on this brochure anywhere."

"We had to improvise," he said, smiling as he reached into the basket and picked up a cookie. "So what'll it be?"

"Definitely s'mores." She said as John chomped into the cookie.

"Good answer. The cookies aren't as good as yours." He passed over a roasting stick and bag of marshmallows, before dragging the picnic basket closer.

"I'll take one of those waters, too."

He reached for two bottles of water before he settled back beside her, watching as she pierced a marshmallow onto the roasting stick and eased it into the fire. "You're going to burn it," he warned.

"Are you seriously critiquing my s'more making technique?"

John loaded his own roasting stick with several marshmallows and pushed it out and above the fire. "Technically, it would be your marshmallow roasting technique and, yes, what you're doing is a fire hazard." He jousted her stick with his own, nudging it out of the fire.

"Stop it," she laughed.

"Doesn't matter, it's too late anyway."

He wasn't wrong, her marshmallow had turned into a tiny ball of fire. She waved the stick around trying to knock the flame away, but she only succeeded in sending the flaming marshmallow hurtling through the air.

John doubled up laughing, purposely leaning away from her as if he expected retaliation, but she couldn't do anything but laugh with him.

"That'll be enough of that." John pulled the roasting stick out of her hand. "I'm taking over official s'more making duties."

She frowned, thinking the failure hinted at a larger problem. "I'm going to be a terrible mother. I can barely cook, I can't even roast a marshmallow. I sent a fireball flying through the air and instead of making sure the fire is out, I'm sitting here laughing." And appreciating the sight of a handsome man illuminated by the warm light of the fire, she mused.

"It landed in the sand, it's fine." He sounded completely unconcerned, but she didn't miss his eyes flash in the direction her marshmallow had launched in. "And if my Air Force buddies are right, most kids live on grilled cheese, pizza, and chicken nuggets. We'll manage just fine."

"I was completely unprepared for the baby until you got us organized and took us shopping." Her mind was racing now, it was going to take more than a kind reassurance from John to settle her down. "Plus, you're already making lists of baby supplies we need to get stocked on Atlantis, it hadn't even crossed my mind."

"That's just logistics, Elizabeth. You stayed on top of the doctor's appointments, took the vitamins, gave up caffeine." He looked at her pointedly, knowing just how much that last one had hurt. "Plus, you have all the important stuff down. You're a hugger to start, kids like that. You collect pets like they are stuffed animals, don't think I didn't miss the new cat in our barn, but my point is…kids love animals. And you make better chocolate chip cookies than this fancy hotel, what else could a kid want?"

He smiled almost shyly before he turned his attention back to the s'more he was assembling.

John was going to excel at fatherhood. While he hadn't said anything, she could practically sense his thoughts, read his steely determination to ensure he had a completely different relationship with his son than he had with his father. She suddenly wondered if he harbored any doubts on the matter and realized she was probably well overdue in contributing her two cents. "You're going to be a great father," she said quietly.

"Yeah. I know."

She elbowed him for the exaggerated cocky tone, almost making him drop the s'more. "Obviously, I don't disagree, but I'm curious, what exactly are you basing that on? Besides your ability to use a fire extinguisher, which will obviously come in handy with me around."

He passed Elizabeth the first completed s'more. "Well, I like things that are fast, all boys do."

"Double entendre there, John?"

He gave her a wicked grin, but otherwise ignored her remark. She bit into the s'more, the gooey concoction immediately oozed from the sides of the graham cracker, threatening to cover her face and fingers with the sticky mess.

"I like video games, Ferris wheels, and football, what boy wouldn't like those things?" John continued. "Great father son bonding opportunities."

She swallowed down her bite before speaking again. "Not bad, but those weren't the reasons I was thinking about."

"Which were?" John managed over half of his s'more in one bite.

"You'll make him feel safe. Loved." She paused to draw in a sip of water. "You'll believe in him and make him feel strong. You'll make him laugh…and teach him enough crap about popular culture to make him the wittiest kid in two galaxies."

John cupped her face, his thumb sweeping gently along her cheek. "Okay, your answer was better than mine," he said as he leaned closer and kissed her softly. He licked his lips when he pulled away. "You want another s'more? They taste good on you."

"I haven't finished the first one yet." She rubbed her side.

"Baby kicking?" He asked before he polished off the rest of his s'more.

She nodded. "Or stretching. I just hope he doesn't get too impatient in there. As much as I can't wait to hold him, I want to enjoy every second of our time together."

"I'll have a talk with him. Tell him he's grounded until his due date."

Her heart swelled and again thoughts of her being too smitten and him being too damn cute crossed her mind. "You will, will you?" Her brow arched towards him. "And what makes you think he'll listen?"

"We've already had a few talks while you were sleeping. Haven't you noticed he's been on better behavior? He doesn't seem to be kicking you as much." John snagged the rest of her s'more. "It was getting cold," he explained before tossing it in his mouth.

"You owe me a s'more." She frowned. "And the baby's probably just getting used to your voice."

"He's getting used to my voice because we've had some talks, you're just going to have to trust me on this." John's hand rubbed down her arm and a rash of goosebumps exploded in his fingers wake. "Not warm enough?"

"I am, but you're just a little too far away."

"I can fix that." John leaned forward on his knees and threw another log on the fire. Instead of settling back down where he'd been sitting, he maneuvered behind her and pulled her back against his chest. "Better?"

"Much better." She didn't think it could get any better than this.

"Speaking of not being close enough, we're going to have to figure out our time together going forward, plan out your schedule." John swept her hair across her shoulder and tucked his face closer to hers. "We might have to make another naked rule."

"Another naked rule?"

"Sure, make a rule that we can't go any more than a month without seeing each other naked. And by that I mean no longer than a month when we're not in the same galaxy, not that you can manipulate me with a honey do list for a month before I get rewarded with the pleasure of seeing you naked."

"I knew where you were going with that," she laughed, "but I'll have to keep the honey do list method of torture in mind, that could come in handy."

Laughter rumbled through his chest. "I should probably make more of an effort to not give you new ways to torture me, you are adept enough at that as it is."

"You should probably make more of an effort to remember that fact…especially before you threaten to make me beg." She peered back at him, still finding him smiling broadly.

"Duly noted." His arms folded around her chest, pulling her even more closely against him.

They sat quietly for a moment soaking up the ambiance of the night. The bonfire's crimson flames danced wildly, providing a blazing contrast to the dark of night. There was something soothing about hearing the flames consume the wood, the ensuing cracks and pops sending sparks spiraling away from the fire, but so far the blanket had been just out of reach. Tiny embers fell to the sand around them, smoldering into blackness.

"It's a clear night, you can really see the stars." John's breath fell hot against her neck as he spoke.

"It's beautiful. And all of this is," she paused and waved her hand around the bonfire area, "it's really great, John."

"It seemed like another good one to mark off the bucket list." His lips nuzzled affectionately against her neck.

Package or not, it had been an incredibly sweet gesture. It hadn't escaped her attention that they'd yet to turn on a TV and for someone who loved movies and sports and spent the bulk of his time in a far away galaxy with no access to cable, it said a lot that John was ignoring the remote. He could have tossed the beach concierge's brochure in the trash, but he hadn't and for that she was grateful.

She reached for his hand and their fingers twined together. "This wasn't on my bucket list, but it should have been."

"What kind of crappy bucket list did you make anyway? It doesn't sound like anything good is on it."

She laughed softly. "My list is very short," she admitted.

"Sounds poorly thought out already. What's on it anyway?"

Dozens of things had come to mind when John first jokingly suggested the list, but what she wanted most boiled down to two things. Everything else was just the icing on the cake.

"Marrying you and having a couple adorable babies." God, that sounded eerily 1950's, but it wasn't like she was giving up a career or her identity in the process. She had more than one job, her own money, and she'd accomplished everything she'd ever set out to do, everything except marry this man and create a family of her own.

"Now I feel like an ass, that's a pretty good list. You just need to tweak it a little."

His tone was mischievous and she glanced back in curiosity. "How so?"

"The list should be getting married and making babies. And more than a couple of them."

"Emphasis on the making of the babies, I got it." She laughed, turning her head back towards the fire. "And how many babies are we talking about?" She wasn't ready to point out they would need to have all those babies sooner rather than later. Her doctor seemed to delight in calling her an older mother, something Elizabeth hoped she would temper when John accompanied her to the next appointment.

She could feel John shrug behind her. "A few. Hand me my water?"

She passed his water bottle over her shoulder. "A few as in three? I'm not sure I can survive the naming process if you want any more than that."

He laughed. "So just keep having boys, we should have some good backups names on hand by the time this is all said and done."

"Not my department. Once you're done convincing our baby to behave you can have a talk with your other boys about baby gender. It's kind of a sperm thing."

A spray of water struck her arm as John started coughing loudly.

"Did you just spit on me?" She jerked forward, trying to get out of dodge, but all the water that had been in his mouth was either lodged in his throat or already dripping down her arm.

He cleared his throat as his coughing ceased. "We really need to work on your timing, you're going to make me choke one of these days," he said as he tried to swipe away the water from her arm. "You really are more mischievous than people could ever begin to guess."

"I'd have to be wouldn't I? Otherwise how would I ever keep up with you?"

"Keep up with me? If you haven't noticed, I've been hot on your tail for years. I'm the one who can't keep up with you."

Elizabeth edged sideways to get a better look at John. She smiled innocently, waiting until he braved another sip of water. "I always just thought you were trying to check out my ass."

He tossed the water bottle aside, having managed his sip of water with only a minimal amount of coughing this time. She saw the playful gleam in his eyes, but before she could guess his intent, he'd gently wrestled her down onto her side and started tickling her mercilessly.

"John…stop it," she could barely spit the words out as she worked to thwart his attack.

"I don't think so. You've earned a little lighthearted retaliation and I still haven't heard you beg today."

One of his legs lodged between hers as he held her pinned, continuing to make good on his payback.

"Just remember, I have pounds of extra baby weight bouncing on my bladder," she managed to gasp.

He jerked away so fast it made her head spin. "Thanks for the warning." He collapsed on his back beside her. He had a huge grin on his face and his shoulders were still slightly shaking from laughter.

She shifted onto her side, yelping slightly when he abruptly grasped her face, tugging until her mouth crashed against his. His kiss was anything but funny, his mouth worked against hers with a passion and intensity at odds with all the laughter they'd just shared.

She licked her lips when he pulled away. Their kiss still carried the taste of s'mores. The fire was waning, but there was still enough light to see the heat flaring within his eyes.

His hand cupped the side of her face. "You look hungry."

"That's a bit of a loaded statement."

His thumb strummed across her cheek. "And what do you want?"

"Everything," she whispered before his lips struck hers again. She grumbled in protest when he pulled away, but he was already looking at her suspiciously.

"You want another s'more don't you?"

Her pregnancy appetite really had become the cliché, even she found it amusing how her stomach had become such a dictator of their time. "I really do," she admitted.

"As long as I get to do the roasting."

"We can go in if-"

"We've got all night, Elizabeth, and there is nowhere we have to be tomorrow."

"You're not going to surf in the morning?"

"I'm going to surf. Maybe I'll pay for it tomorrow, but right now…I feel-"

"More awake than you've ever been?"

He slowly shook his head in confirmation, never breaking their gaze. "Something like that."

She wasn't sure who moved first that time, but their lips came together in a deep ragged kiss that had her breathless when she pulled away. This time, it was John's turn to groan in complaint when she pulled back as he tried to recapture her lips.

"How about that s'more?" She asked. When his face crumpled into a pout, she cupped his chin. "I'll make it up to you later."

"Of that, I have no doubt." He shot her a cheeky grin and she just rolled her eyes in response.

"You know, the only thing missing tonight is a little music. Do you have anything on your phone?" She asked.

As he sat up to fish the phone from his pocket, music started drifting down the beach from the outdoor bar of their hotel. It sounded like an acoustic guitar with just one man singing a cover of an eighties classic.

"Did I happen to mention that I have music covered too?" He didn't sound very convincing.

The timing was uncanny, but she knew better. "That was a complete coincidence."

"Call it karmic intervention."

"At any rate, I'm amending my bucket list," she said as she climbed to her feet.

John was rifling through the picnic basket when he glanced back. "Decide you want to go back to the room?"

She reached out a hand. "No. I want to dance."

His eyes widened dramatically and she laughed.

"Maybe dance is too big of a word. How about sway? You were planning to dance with me at our wedding, right?"

He shoved up to a standing position. "You say that like you don't think I can. And since you like bringing it up, I'll have you know I did manage to dance at my last wedding."

"And how much of her father's twenty-year old scotch contributed to your ability to dance?"

His mouth opened and closed, as if he immediately realized it was pointless to protest. "What's your point?" He finally asked.

"I don't really have one, it's just entirely too easy to make you squirm sometimes."

His arms finally came around her and he tucked down until his mouth aligned with her ear. "You're going to pay for that."

"I'm looking forward to it."

His laughter rumbled against her skin and her head tilted back, taking in the view of the sky. His strong arm coiled around her waist may have been all that was keeping her upright as sand shifted beneath her feet and the world spun around her. The stars were sparkling, the fire crackling and the oceans waves were crashing soothingly against the shore. The richness of the sensory experience was almost intoxicating and she couldn't imagine there was anywhere better they could be at that moment.

Her hands had been stroking down his back and he groaned softly as she slipped them in his back pockets, lightly gripping and pulling him closer.

"You need to stop instigating; I know you're not in a hurry to leave." He kissed her forehead and pulled her closer against him.

He was right, but her mouth moved almost of its own accord, blazing a trail up his neck until a guttural moan escaped John's lips.

"Elizabeth." He drawled out her name in a low and husky voice, sending a rush of heat through her veins. "You, my lady, are trouble."

"It's a good thing you love me, then."

His hands cupped her head, angling it up until she met his eyes. "That I do." His hand stroked through her hair. "That I always will."

The look in his eyes made her melt back against him, but now she just clung tightly to him as he held her. "Then it's a good thing I love you too."

The song ended and the music shifted into another very familiar melody.

"Everlong," she breathed. She could hear the acoustic version of the song drifting down the beach and she pulled back wondering if she had been wrong about John setting up the music. She could tell by his eyes, he was just as surprised as she was to hear that song.

"Tempting, but I can't take credit for it," he said.

She settled back against him. "Would it be too corny to get something engraved on our rings?"

"Depends on what it is, I guess. What are you thinking?" He looked down and she saw a flash of understanding in his eyes. "Everlong? I think that sounds just about right."

It had been the original promise. Even early on, they'd been aware of their hang-ups, they'd each been skittish in their own way and they'd known the biggest threat they'd faced was from themselves. It was always instinctive to run when staying seemed like it would only cause them pain. As the song continued to play, she focused on the lyrics, "Got to promise not to stop when I say when."

There had been times in the past she thought they'd made it to the point, the point where they could push back when the other faltered and tried to let go. But now she could see it in each caress of his eyes, feel it in each stroke of his hand, and sense it deep within herself. Absolute faith. While she'd had no doubt they could handle anything the universe threw their way, this week had been their first time together where she'd felt complete certainty they wouldn't tear themselves apart once again.

"You okay?" He asked as her body stilled before the song ended.

Her eyes had focused on the rose petals on the sand. They looked different from her current vantage point. "John, are those rose petals laid out in a shape of a heart?" It looked more like a lopsided heart now they'd trampled some of them while dancing, but the arrangement was close enough, they could had been laid out that way when they first arrived and she just hadn't noticed from where they'd been sitting.

He didn't even bother to turn back to look. He just kept his eyes locked on hers in a penetrating gaze that sent sparks racing down her spine. His finger trailed along the line of her jaw. "You really are a hopeless romantic, you know that?"

Once maybe they both had been. But now? "Not hopeless." It was all she managed before his lips laid claim to hers once again.

~TBC.

Though in fair warning, the end is growing near. When we get to that point, I'm planning to do a few periodic updates. Right now, I'm tentatively planning for each of those updates to move the story forward a year so we get a glimpse into the future. So, for a story called Everlong, the end appropriately won't be the end…at least for a while.

A/N: I hope you enjoyed. Thanks to all for reading and always special thanks for those who take the time to leave reviews. It wouldn't have done the story justice, but I would have wrapped it up long ago if it hadn't been for your kind words and interest.

A/N 2: Longest chapter yet. You know the drill, too many words and only two eyes to proofread. I tried.


	26. Chapter 26

_Saturday afternoon…_

Returning home had been bittersweet.

Elizabeth snuggled deeper into the pillow she had tightly hugged to her chest, inhaling deeply, and drawing in John's scent that still clung to the fabric. She'd been awake a few minutes, but her eyes were still heavy. John had all but carried her up the stairs that afternoon before adamantly tucking her in for a nap. It had irritated her at the time, less that he'd insisted she sleep, more that he'd insisted she do so alone, but now she reluctantly had to admit he'd been right. Extra sleep wasn't really something that was optional if she had any hope of making it through the coming night. The wedding was starting surprisingly late, the schedule falling in line with Suzanne's proclaimed desire to drink loads of champagne and hinting at a healthy amount of dancing and revelry late into the night.

Thursday, their last day in Carmel, had slipped through their fingers. Friday had been an exhausting blur of checking items off a to do list. Arrive home, check. Drive to D.C. and back after touring birthing center, check. She'd loved it and John had even grudgingly grunted in approval. Sometime after that, somewhere between getting the marriage license and going through the motions at Suzanne and Dave's rehearsal dinner, she'd hit the wall and the week of constant running and little sleep didn't just catch up with her, it almost bowled her over. She still didn't remember how John had managed to get her into bed the night before.

The bed dipped behind her when John slipped under the sheet and rolled into bed. He spooned tight against her back, chuckling softly when the pillow she clutched blocked his arms from closing around her.

"You look comfortable." His husky voice drawled.

She released the pillow and turned within the circle of his arms to face him. They'd gotten pretty used to figuring out how their bodies best fit together with her swelling stomach, and she curled up against John almost artfully now. "Now I am."

Her fingers wove through his hair as she settled back against the pillow, dragging him with her as best as she could, pulling his lips firmly against her own.

"Must have been some nap." John murmured when their lips finally parted. "Glad to know I'm not the only one feeling the pain of withdrawal."

"You're not. I miss Carmel. I miss _us_ in Carmel." She couldn't figure out how it was possible to miss someone who had hardly been out of her sight since they'd been home, but their time had been heavy on to do lists and light on the constant contact they'd become used too. "You didn't even get to destroy the bed last night."

" _We_ didn't get to destroy the bed last night. Or this morning." John's hands stroked over her hair, brushing the errant strands away from her face. He had a hungry look in his eyes and, just as with her, she knew it was something deeper than pent up lust. After they'd been intertwined for the better part of a week, their current reality -pleasant as it was- almost seemed harsh in comparison. They couldn't seem to get close enough, stay close enough and at each opportunity, they kept reaching for each other, needing to touch, taste, and just feel.

It reminded her of one of the Everlong lyrics, _breathe out so I can breathe you in._ It felt like that, like it was a primal need, as though there was something elemental in each that the other required. At first, she'd just thought they were just knee deep in the throes of a love drunk haze, but it wasn't fading. It was more than the electric surge from them reconnecting and something beyond the lingering intoxication of their romantic time away.

Love had always seemed like a destination, she hadn't expected the landscape to change once she'd arrived, but it had and it continued to evolve so rapidly the world felt like it was spinning around her. Everything between them had just become…more, as if someone was tightening a bolt and wrenching the intensity up a notch each day. Her heart was almost uncomfortably full. Somehow it was all too much and yet never enough.

She inhaled deeply, drawing in his clean masculine scent. Breathe you in, she thought, remembering the lyrics again _._ "I wish we could just stay in bed." She groaned sleepily and hooked her heel behind his leg.

"Maybe tomorrow we can have a picnic dinner down on the dock, kind of recreate our last night in Carmel…only this time, we'll have plenty of privacy." His eyes took on a seductive gleam and she was slowly nodding her head in agreement before his words had even sunk in.

The beach concierge had come through for them, improvising the bonfire package again on their final night in Carmel enabling them to have a picnic dinner fireside on the beach.

"You okay with all of this wedding stuff?" John asked. "You look kind of-"

"Like I'm struggling to breathe? I miss having you all to myself." The understatement of the year.

"Is that all it is?" His hand cupped her face, his thumb gently stroking her cheek. The soft caress of his eyes hinted at more than just mere concern.

"Isn't that enough?" She asked, though she understood what he was asking, where his thoughts had led. It would have been normal, expected even, for her to feel a twinge of regret watching her friend get married lakeside as she'd always wanted, but Elizabeth had too much in her life to be grateful for. She had yet to feel anything other than elation for her friends…her family, she revised. For a long time, it had been mostly her and her mother and while she'd never craved the idea of having a lot of family around her, each time she realized that circle had grown larger, the richer the pool of contentment swelled within her. "I thought today might be hard," she finally acknowledged, "but I'm just happy for them, happy and glad we're both here to be a part of it."

A crash from the lawn below brought conversation to a halt. They scrambled onto their feet and headed towards the balcony. A quick glance at the clock on the bedside table showed she'd managed to sleep for a full two hours.

She and John had awoken earlier that morning by the sounds of their home being invaded by a fleet of vendors followed by the arrival of the wedding party as well as Suzanne's parents. Now, it was almost five o'clock and, as they stepped onto the balcony, a small army was putting the finishing touches on the property. The wedding décor complimented the forest surrounding the estate as well as the home's thoughtful landscaping that was chock full of native flowering plants. The final transformation was nothing short of remarkable. Looking down on the grounds now, she couldn't help but think the property looked like an enchanted garden come to life. She halfway expected to see fairies fluttering through the trees.

"Stack of chairs went over, just like a line of dominoes." John motioned towards where they were putting what must have been extra chairs back on a box truck.

"Where's Shadow?" Elizabeth asked, hoping the dog wasn't wreaking havoc with his curiosity.

"You really didn't hear us come in, did you?" John seemed more proud of his stealth than his being right about her needing rest. "I was planning to use him to terrorize Dave's groomsman, but all he wanted to do is play. He's passed out on his dog bed. You know, I'm kind of surprised you don't let him sleep in the bed. You're a hugger, a snuggler. How do you resist that fuzzball?"

"He used to when he was a puppy. I don't know if it's the training or him just getting older, but now he likes being between me and the door. I finally bought him the dog bed so he'd have something more comfortable to lay on." Elizabeth glanced back in the room and spotted the dog sleeping heavily just as John had said. His feet were already starting to twitch and she hoped he was having happy dreams of chasing tennis balls. "And Shadow's trained. You have to command him when to be on watch, otherwise all he will do is play and make friends unless something makes him uneasy."

"Ever planning on sharing any of those commands with me?"

"Why should I? He's my dog." Elizabeth loved the fact that John had taken to Shadow like he had, but she still refused to admit defeat in the loyalty department.

John's lips curved into an all too smug smile. "Pretend all you want, but I'm the one he follows around everywhere."

"And I wonder why that is? I noticed he had some strong bacon breath this morning."

"I have some time to make up for, me bribing him with food has absolutely nothing to do this."

Elizabeth just laughed as she turned to face him. "Is that what you're doing with me? Bribing me with food?" She'd just spotted the sandwich and bottle of water on the dresser.

"Food is a necessity. Suzanne said dinner wouldn't be until around nine, you'll be starving by then." John's hand grasped the back of her head, pulling her neck against his mouth. "And if I need to, I have much more effective methods of bribing you."

He had no idea, she thought for a moment, but as his mouth continued a fiery path towards her ear, she thought then again, maybe he did. Her hands slid around his waist, skimming under his t-shirt before running up his back, reveling in how his heated skin felt beneath her fingers.

"We might have enough time to destroy the bed." He pulled on the back of her head again, not pausing until their lips melded together into a long, liquid kiss.

"Seriously?" Suzanne's voice pierced the air. "If you're not going to lock the door, put a damn sock on the doorknob or something."

John's groan rumbled through their lips. He pressed another swift kiss to her lips before pulling away and straightening out his clothes.

"You act like you just got back from your honeymoon." Suzanne shot them a wicked grin. "You think you can keep your hands off each other long enough for me to get married?"

John said, "No promises" at the same time she answered, "Yes." Elizabeth shot John a look of amused annoyance, but she couldn't keep her smile from stretching wide as she considered John's answer was probably the most truthful of the two.

"What is that monstrosity?" Suzanne waddled into the room. She had foam spacers between her toes and she was holding out her fingers trying to protect her drying nails. She had a robe tied tight around her waist, an array of colorful curlers in her hair, and a green facial mask, the combined effect left her looking something like an alien from a bad eighties movie.

"I think it's you. You should probably try avoiding the mirror," John said with an insolent tilt of his head.

Suzanne was completely unfazed. "I am a work in progress, whatever that is can not be saved." She pointed towards the huge teddy bear in the arm chair.

It's cute." Elizabeth said, smiling and realizing maybe it was more adorable in her eyes because she'd watched John win it. "John won it at the Santa Monica Pier."

"What the heck were you doing at the Santa Monica Pier? I thought you were in Carmel."

"They have a great Ferris wheel." John still looked mildly disturbed that she'd insulted his prize. "We stopped there on our way up the coast."

Suzanne eyed her with a dubious grimace. "You were on a Ferris wheel? You're eight months pregnant."

Elizabeth shrugged. "John gave up an afternoon of surfing for it, I couldn't not ride."

Suzanne's mouth fell open adding to her comical appearance. "Surfing, Ferris wheels, carnival prizes and you came back a day early to check out a birthing center because you don't want an epidural? I thought you were on a babymoon. Do you two do anything normal?"

"We didn't come back early, we came back yesterday for your rehearsal dinner," Elizabeth reminded. "And I think giving birth without an epidural is probably the most natural thing you could do."

"I said normal, not natural." Suzanne wrinkled her nose.

"Exactly how are you a qualified judge of normal or natural?" John's voice took on a sardonic tone. "I take back what I said before, you need to look in the mirror."

Shadow had woken up and even he was regarding Suzanne suspiciously. His doggie brows alternated raising towards her.

Suzanne stepped over to the mirror and started laughing when she caught her reflection. "Good thing Dave is distracted, if he saw me now, there might not be a wedding." She turned back, shaking her head, but still smiling broadly. "And for the record, normal is boring. I just like giving you a hard time which, surprisingly, is not the reason I barged in. I just came to pick up your marriage license."

"What? Why?" Elizabeth asked. That seemed like the last thing Suzanne should be thinking about at the moment.

"Got it." John headed towards the dresser.

"Don't give it to her now," Elizabeth protested, "she'll lose it between now and our wedding." She could hardly believe her own wedding was in less than two weeks. "Suze, are you sure there is nothing I can do? You're planning two weddings at the same time." The guilt had set in as soon as they'd returned home and she started to see for herself how much work one entailed. It was too much for her to have asked of her friend, even if she had volunteered.

"You've seen me work, Elizabeth. I'm good at delegating. The details on my wedding have been nailed down for months. It only took a couple of hours with my wedding planner to get yours is in the bag and now it's all in her capable hands to execute. It'll be perfect, trust me. But, I need to borrow your marriage license, our officiant isn't going to block the date until he sees it."

"Fine, but be careful with it." She watched John hand it over and she shifted uncomfortably. Just the thought of it being out of her safekeeping made her oddly nervous.

"I'm putting it with mine. I'll guard them both with my life, trust me." Suzanne's phone chirped and she glanced down at the screen. "Elizabeth, the beauty team is expecting you in thirty minutes."

"Beauty team?" John's face contorted in the way it did when someone recommended him for an unwanted trip to the infirmary.

Suzanne's eyes narrowed and stepped back towards him. "Yes and I think I need to schedule you an appointment. What is going on with your hair? I can't believe I didn't notice earlier."

"His hairdresser warned him to sit still this morning, but he didn't listen." Elizabeth raised a brow towards John, daring him to complain about her handiwork. His roaming hands had caught a ticklish spot on her side and if you looked at him from a certain angle, you could see the strand of hair she'd nicked too short.

"Come with me." Suzanne said. "It's not that bad, but I think they can blend it a little better. The groomsmen photos are first, so we need to get you moving."

"It's fine." John's voice was firm. His brows came together as his eyes darted up as if trying to see his own hair. He raked his fingers through his hair and frowned. "And no one else is getting near my hair."

Suzanne sighed and looked heavenward for a moment. "Good thing you favor the messy look, no one else will probably notice. There's kind of a lot going on up there to distract them."

"Go ahead, make fun of the hair." John rebounded quickly, a knowing smirk crossing his face. "Wait until you start having kids. Just because Dave's hair behaves doesn't mean he isn't carrying the same genes."

Elizabeth laughed and tried not to think about their own child's hair. Between her curls and John's unruly spikes, their son didn't stand a chance at tamable hair.

"Well, if you're not going for a haircut, I'm putting you on Aunt Imogene duty."

"My Aunt Imogene is here?"

Elizabeth couldn't quite read John's expression, something that rarely happened. Best she could tell, it fell somewhere between disbelief, amusement, and outright horror.

"You have an aunt?" Elizabeth frowned, trying to remember if she knew and had forgotten or if he'd just never bothered to mention it. To her knowledge, most of John's living relatives were distant cousins, none that were close with the brothers.

"My mother's aunt. She still lives in Charleston. I should take you to visit, she lives in one of those pastel colored houses with the huge wrap around porches. You'd love it."

Suzanne had been chewing on her lip, looking surprisingly uneasy. "Dave didn't expect her to come. He got the same look on his face that John has now when the car service dropped her off. I can't decide whether I'm charmed or worried she'd single-handedly turn this wedding on its head, but at the very least she needs a babysitter."

Elizabeth couldn't imagine anything could be more inadvertently disruptive than Suzanne's nieces. They were two pixie thin teenage cyclones whose personalities bore the unmistakable imprint of Suzanne. They had hearts of gold, but tended to leave a trail of chaos in their wake.

"My aunt is eighty something years old, I don't think she needs a babysitter." John looked doubtful.

"Really? Because when I came upstairs she was shaking her cane at Helen asking where we hid the good whiskey."

"It's a valid question, just tell her where the liquor is." John turned to Elizabeth. "She has a glass of whiskey every day, she said it's the secret to her youthful looks."

"Might be the secret to her youthful feistiness. She's got a bone to pick with you, John. I told her about Elizabeth and the baby."

"You couldn't have waited for me to tell her?" John rolled his eyes. "What did she say?"

Suzanne laughed. "I think her exact words were 'well butter my butt and call me a biscuit.' Is it strange that I've been hungry for biscuits ever since?"

"That doesn't make it sound like she's upset." Elizabeth wryly pointed out. "And why is Helen here? The caterers are providing all the food."

"Helen brought in groceries, I asked her to stock up on some essentials. You never know what'll happen, it's going to be a long night." Suzanne looked back towards John. "And Aunt Imogene followed up with something about tanning your hide for not calling her so she could start buying things to spoil the baby. She said she was so rich she could buy a new boat every time hers got wet, but shopping for a baby is more fun."

John turned to Elizabeth. "You're going to love her." He bit down on his lip, looking like he was trying not to smile, that one action more telling than anything else that had been said about his aunt. This woman was obviously quite the character.

"What's not to love?" Elizabeth laughed. "But, why didn't I meet her…"

Her words trailed off and she regretted even starting the sentence. The last thing she wanted to do was bring up his father's funeral today and it wasn't exactly like she'd been front and present, she'd ducked out of sight once John had shown up. She could tell from John's eyes he'd already filled in the blanks of her question.

"Broken hip. That's what Dave said. Guess that's why she has a cane now, she never did before." John took a deep breath and the corners of his lips started to curve again. "Let's just hope she didn't come armed. I heard a rumor she was once escorted out of church for passing her hand gun around for all the other old ladies to check out."

Suzanne cracked up. "And you want me to tell her where the whiskey is? Good call."

"She'll be fine." John seemed completely unfazed.

"You're making that up." Elizabeth's eyes narrowed as she scrutinized his face. He had to be, she mulled, how could he have gone all these years and not told her that story?

John's brows raised and he just gave her that go ahead and doubt me look. "You'll see when you meet her."

Elizabeth was looking forward to meeting this woman, she sounded just like Elizabeth had always imagined Suzanne would be like once she reached those golden years, well, minus the gun and southern sayings. She glanced quickly back at the bedside clock. "That'll have to be later, I've got to get in the shower."

"Wait up, I need one too." John said.

"Who is going to watch your Aunt Imogene?" Suzanne demanded.

"Park her in the family room and turn on the Weather Channel. That'll keep her busy for hours." John paused, before looking back to Suzanne. "Better yet, have your nieces keep an eye on her. She'll get a kick of out them. And water down the whiskey." His hands fell to Elizabeth's hips and he started steering her towards the bathroom.

"Fine, but if you insist on joining Elizabeth in the shower, try to control yourself and make sure you don't get her hair wet. The stylist needs dry, dirty hair for the updo." Suzanne called as they shut the bathroom door.

Before Elizabeth could open the shower door to turn on the water, John's hands were on her shoulders, spinning her around to face him.

"You do remember what Suzanne said, right?" She weakly protested.

John grabbed the hem of her sundress, peeling it off her body in one fluid move. "Of course." His palms skimmed up her sides. She'd ditched her bra before the nap and now his eyes scrolled over her body, drinking in the long expanse of bare skin.

She cupped his chin, drawing his eyes up and away from her chest. He winked slyly and pulled back as he tugged his shirt off. She continued eyeing John skeptically, having serious doubts as to what exactly he had heard. "Then what did she say?"

"She said dirty." Johns brows popped, as his hands wound around her waist, drawing her towards him.

A rush of air hissed through his teeth when the bare skin of their bodies came together. He dipped his head until his mouth slanted down over her own. The way his mouth moved against hers was decadent, heated, and entirely too slow...completely designed to deliciously frustrate her with his languorous pace. By the time his tongue parted her lips, her limbs were wavering, knees weakening and she wobbled backwards, her back ungracefully making contact with the shower door.

John closed the space she'd inadvertently put between them. His hands swept back her hair as he cupped her face, but he held himself away, just letting his eyes stroke over her face.

"I missed you," she whispered. Missed that loss of constant intimacy from when they existed in their vacation bubble, a world apart from their own. She belatedly realized he probably had no idea what she was talking about. "I mean-"

"I know what you meant."

There were times he caught her off guard by directly offering up a heartfelt sentiment, but most of the time, he left her breathless with the intensity of everything he didn't say, everything he still somehow managed to show her. Right now, the look in his eyes was tearing shards from her heart, pieces he would carry with him along with the others he'd collected over the years. It was no wonder they had become so uncomfortable when space was forced between them. Each carried with them parts the other needed to be whole.

True love wasn't for the faint of heart, she had decided. The brutal truth was that their love would always carry an undercurrent of ache from pending separations, fears of the risks their tomorrows would always bring… and at the center of it all, a core of unquenchable need.

He used her shoulders to spin her around again and he started slowly walking her backwards into the bedroom, pausing every few seconds to kiss her.

When the remaining clothes had been shed, they crawled into bed, maneuvering around the baby bump between them. She managed to shift forward a little more, resting her elbows on his shoulders while her fingers roamed through his hair. His eyes pressed shut as her nails scraped gently against his scalp, spurring a low rumbling noise deep in his throat. Every nerve ending in her body was focused on him, humming pleasantly, urging her closer, not that she needed any encouragement. The mystical pull that was a constant between them seemed magnetized at that moment, insistently drawing them closer at every opportunity. Before their lips brushed, his eyes flicked open again, immediately locking onto hers and bringing the world around them to a grinding halt.

Her breathing grew shallow, labored just from drinking in everything that rolled through his eyes. "We're in trouble here. You realize that, right?" She asked, her voice throaty and tremulous.

They were one week into his leave and, today, they were feeling withdrawal pains just from giving up the immersion in raw intimacy they'd enjoyed while they'd been away. It hinted at struggles yet to come, the challenges they would face when they were forced to spend time not just in a different room, but millions of miles apart.

"With my aunt because I knocked you up and didn't call her?" His words were light, but the intensity of his eyes was unwavering.

The corners of her lips twitched. "Maybe, but that's not what I meant. Try again."

"Because you're going to be late for an unneeded beauty appointment?"

Her lips curved into a real smile at that. "Suzanne's too smart for that, I'd bet the first thing she did when she left this room was reschedule my appointment. I'm probably scheduled last now. Try again."

His eyes scrolled carefully over her face as his thumb swept across her bottom lip. He held her gaze for a long moment before answering. "We're in deep."

It might have not been the most direct answer, but it wasn't evasive and he hadn't resorted to humor. Those three words probably wouldn't have been the ones to cross her lips, but they had uncannily hit the nail on the head. "That's the one." She said quietly.

"We're getting married, though. Aren't we supposed to be in a little over our heads?"

His husky voice sent a shiver through her body. "I'm not sure anyone ever finds their way here, John. This is a whole different level of deep. Uncharted waters deep."

Those words weren't nearly enough to capture the essence of their love. Whether they had found it, created it, or just had the dumb luck of falling into it, she truly believed their love was something rare, something beyond what most people only dreamed of. While her word choice sounded silly, like she was expressing some juvenile sentiment, it had been simple. Succinct. And she could tell from his eyes it had resonated with him.

"I feel like I warned you about us getting in trouble about, oh, say five years ago."

That he had, not long after they'd arrived on Atlantis and just after she'd asked him to consider who he'd want on his team. Her eyes narrowed as she sent him a playful glare. "I'm fairly certain that comment wasn't specifically about us."

John pulled back, scrutinizing her closely. "Maybe I was being cryptic. Do you have any idea why I joined the expedition?"

"Under pressure from O'Neill, I thought."

John rolled his eyes and shrugged. "I wasn't sure even when I gave the verbal commitment. I wasn't sure until just before we left. At the time, I still had a chip on my shoulder and my head up my ass. I was perfectly content in the icy cold of Antarctica. It suited my mood and kept me out of trouble."

He'd never walked her through the timeline, but she'd pieced it together on her own over the years. In quick succession, John had gotten pushed through the gauntlet, losing his mother, marriage and divorce, and his experience in Afghanistan. Bundle all that with the animosity between him and his father and it was easy to understand the draw of Antarctica.

"So what made you commit?" Her voice was soft.

"You."

"Me?"

He sighed, averting his gaze. He pulled a hand away from her and rubbed the heel of his palm against his eye. "You know me better than anyone else, Elizabeth, how can that possibly surprise you? When you spoke about the expedition, it was, I don't know." He dropped his hand, letting out a ragged breath before flashing his eyes back to hers. "Unguarded. Passionate. At the time, almost everyone I knew was jaded, cynical beyond their years. I almost didn't come because I didn't want to be the one to screw it up. I didn't want to see that light extinguished from your eyes if things went south on the other side of the gate."

That admission made her heart clench. "I don't understand, that makes it sound like I'm the reason you almost didn't commit."

"I went because I was a selfish bastard." His words came quick and he paused drawing in a heavy breath. "Look. If you in any way failed to notice, when we met, I was at a place in my life when most people flinched when they saw me coming. The first time I sat in that chair in Antarctica, there was something about the look in your eyes when you smiled at me. No one had looked at me like that in years." His last sentence was so quiet, she wondered if he even realized he'd said the words aloud. "And you never stopped. Well except, of course, when I was being an ass."

Tears choked her, jamming deep in her throat. She knew the groomsman had a bar cart set up in their staging room, and while she'd picked up the faint taste of scotch in John's kiss, she knew him well enough to know he'd had one drink at most. Just enough to loosen his tongue and allow him to unexpectedly level her with his words.

She was almost completely consumed with raw emotion, but not so much that she didn't recognize John's almost imperceptible wince. She'd allowed to much silence after his words and she could almost see his mind backpedaling looking for a humorous way to play off his words. It was one of the most real things he'd ever said to her, she didn't want to let him off the hook by making light of it now, but she knew he was out of his depth and starting to flounder in spite of that small dose of liquid encouragement.

"So you were right after all." She took his hand, pulling it to rest on her stomach. "Got us in trouble…in the best possible way."

His eyes softened in relief and he tugged her closer, burying his face in her hair as he tightened his arms around her. She relaxed against him, letting him take what he needed to ground himself once again. His breath fell in hot puffs against her skin as continued to hold her.

"You always smell like lilacs." His gravelly voice was so quiet when he finally spoke again, she could barely make out his words

"Good thing you like the smell of lilacs, then."

"I didn't like them the past eight months." He slowly drew back just enough to catch her eyes. "You know, there is a flower in the Pegasus Galaxy that smells just like them. There are everywhere. Every damn planet that we visited, I could smell it, smell you."

She couldn't imagine being haunted by a scent she associated with John during the past eight months. "I'm guessing that wasn't fun."

"It kind of sucked." The corners of his mouth slightly curved as he studied her face. "But… I've learned to appreciate the smell again." His arms tightened around her. "Come here. Let me breathe you in."

The needy, breathy rasp of his voice made her breath hitch, but with those last words, she knew he understood everything she was experiencing. He was right there with her, standing on the same shaky ground that she was. However crazy she felt for the scope and strength of everything she was feeling, she wasn't in it alone and she never would be, not again.

v~v~v~v

Elizabeth tugged on the neckline of her dress, almost blushing as she imagined the seductive stroke of John's eyes when he spotted her in it. While it wasn't cut super low in front, her cleavage was undeniably more generous these days and the dress's thin straps and empire waist dress did nothing to diminish those newly acquired assets. It was floor length, it's color, which Elizabeth called white and Suzanne claimed was ivory, more suitable as a more casual bridal gown than maid of honor dress, but since Suzanne had opted for an nontraditional color for her own gown, it almost made sense in comparison.

Suzanne had set up base camp in the master bedroom and the space now bustled with activity. Suzanne's mother fluttered about the hem of her wedding dress directing last minute adjustments while the hair and makeup team moved in tandem making touch ups as they could get to the bride.

Elizabeth finally dug out of her own thoughts when Suzanne's mother left the room. "Suze, you are gorgeous." It was a good thing Suzanne's makeup team had the foresight to insist on waterproof mascara because her eyes were pooling with tears.

Suzanne's dress was simple and elegant...and fitting her personality in that she'd bypassed the classic white in favor of fabric in the palest shade of pink. It was a sleeveless mermaid style dress with a modest, delicate lace train. She looked like she'd just stepped off the cover of a bridal magazine.

"It's not too much?" Suzanne asked, turning to peer at the small train behind her.

"It's beautiful. You look beautiful." Elizabeth grabbed some tissue and dabbed gently at her eyes. "I'm so happy for you, Suze."

"And I for you, my friend. It's your turn next." Suzanne smiled. "Then we'll officially be sisters."

"Then you have to start working on making your own babies," Elizabeth teased, knowing full well her friend was planning to try right away. "I want mine to have a lot of cousins." That was something she had never had as a child and she wanted hers to grow up surrounded by family.

Suzanne laughed, a happy content smile crossing her face. "I can picture us all here in the summer with kids running around everywhere. It'll be amazing."

"Amazing." Elizabeth echoed, though it wasn't as exuberant as it should have been. She'd yet to tell Suzanne about her upcoming plans…which included a good chunk of her time being spent in another galaxy. She should talk to John, see if they could schedule part of his leave in the summer and part at Christmas. That way they could make sure they always had time with their family.

"I have something for you," Suzanne glanced around the room seeming satisfied when she found the others fully preoccupied. She drew Elizabeth towards the dresser where there were two black velvet jewelry boxes.

"You didn't have to-"

"I didn't. I believe those pesky Sheppard boys were hell bent on making us cry today." Suzanne's words were light, but her eyes took on a glassy sheen as she opened the box nearest to her and started putting on one of the sizeable diamond earrings that rested inside.

Pesky Sheppard boys, she ought to have smiled at that, but…"I don't understand…" Elizabeth's eyes flashed to the other box and back to Suzanne.

"John sent someone up with it when he realized he wouldn't get a chance before the wedding. He wanted me to give it to you. He wanted you to have it today, for the wedding." Suzanne nodded encouragingly toward the second box as she started securing her other earring. "These were their mother's. Since Dave gave me the earrings this morning, they both thought, they didn't want you to feel, oh...crap. Just open it already." Suzanne blinked rapidly and started fanning her eyes, trying to dry the forming tears.

A lump welled heavy against the back of her throat, but she did as asked, reaching out and flipping open the box.

"You are fond of necklaces." Suzanne smiled softly as Elizabeth reached and slid the necklace out of the box.

It was a cluster of diamonds shaped into a glistening teardrop pendant. Oddly fitting for that moment, she thought, as a tear slipped from her eye when Suzanne stepped behind her to secure it around her neck. Her fingers brushed against the delicate chain, the necklace style was of vintage glamour As her eyes flashed towards the mirror her mouth opened softly as she took in her appearance. Her hair was swept up in an artful arrangement, soft with face framing curls dusting off her cheeks and neck. Her makeup had never looked better and the dress, the necklace…

"Here are your flowers." Suzanne had intentionally redirected her attention to something productive, anything to reduce the heart wrenching sweetness of both men's gestures before she ruined hours of her beauty teams hard work with tears.

Elizabeth's eyes were still on the mirror when she took the bouquet. It was too nice for a maid of honor bouquet, much nicer than the bridesmaids and consisted of only her two favorite flowers. White roses, a favorite ever since John had bought her that bouquet in D.C., and lilacs, her timeless fragrance. For a flash, she almost forgot she wasn't getting ready for her own wedding because the woman staring back at her from the mirror, well, if her hair was down and more natural, that was the bride she wanted to be.

Suzanne's other two bridesmaids, Anna and Elaine, joined them, bringing with them chatter and flutes of champagne to distract them both from somber thoughts. Elizabeth and Suzanne exchanged a look, all they needed to sum up the sentimental moment they'd just shared, and then a fierce hug, before Suzanne accepted a glass of champagne and Elizabeth reached for a bottle of water. Both women were Suzanne's cousins. The bridesmaid's dresses were knee length and a deeper shade of pink, both fitting with the women's vivacious personas.

"A toast, to the most gorgeous group of bridesmaids ever. Oh, and to one smoking hot bride." Anna said, holding her champagne flute high.

Elizabeth held up her water bottle to their champagne flutes for the toast. They'd barely taken a sip when Suzanne's father threw open the door.

"The photographer's asking for you, my dear." His eyes fell on Suzanne before instantly swelling with tears.

"Aww, Daddy." Suzanne went to his side. "It's not the first time we've done this, remember?"

"But I know it will be the last." He smiled down upon her.

Elizabeth handed Suzanne a box of tissue. "We'll wait downstairs. Take all the time you need."

v~v~v~

The weather may have been the best wedding present of the day. Though it was a cloudless sky, the July weather was unusually moderate that day and Suzanne's father seemed perfectly comfortable even with his jacket and tie.

They managed to knock out some of the photos before the ceremony. The groomsmen, the bridesmaids, and then Dave and Suzanne as well as most of the family shots. Somehow the schedule played out in a way that the groomsmen and bridesmaids never saw each other. It wasn't supposed to happen that way, but in the grand tradition that plagued weddings everywhere, they were off schedule and they'd run out of time. The remaining photos would need to wait until after the wedding, which was finally just moments away from starting.

She hadn't seen John since she'd left their bedroom to join Suzanne and it felt like a strange twist of fate the bride and groom had seen each other before the wedding, while she and John had not. While she'd like to pretend the need to see him was driven by her desire to thank him for the achingly sentimental gift or to see him in his snazzy new suit, the simple truth was she just missed having him by her side.

Suzanne and her father joined Elizabeth, the bridesmaids, and the flower girls. Elizabeth's hand cradled her stomach as they stood on the deck, waiting inside an ivory walled tent that concealed them from the guests who were seated outside. Besides the soft chatter of the flower girls, the normally boisterous group had grown solemn and quiet.

Slowly, Anna and Elaine took their turns through the curtain and down the aisle. Based on their earlier plans, Elizabeth thought Suzanne and Dave were planning to have the ceremony by the lake shore, but they'd had a rustic wooden altar constructed and placed where the property was most level and most able to accommodate the necessary seating for their crowd.

The wedding coordinator waved towards Elizabeth, her signal to proceed down the aisle. Elizabeth threw Suzanne one last smile of encouragement and stepped through the curtain.

John was waiting for her. Her heart jerked and immediately started beating erratically. Her eyes washed over his body and a wave of heat flooded her veins. As much as Elizabeth loved the way John looked in his dress blues, there was something about seeing him in a sleek black civilian suit that sent her world slightly off axis. Their eyes collided, the crowd before them instantly forgotten as he reached for her. His hand trailed around her neck, his fingers gently following the line of the necklace.

"It's beautiful, John," her voice almost inaudible. "Thank you."

His hand dropped to her waist and he drew her closer. "You are stunning." He whispered, before dipping his head and brushing a soft kiss against her cheek.

"You too, I mean,-"

She felt a tiny hand tug on her elbow. "You're supposed to be walking." She glanced down to find one of Suzanne's flower girls helpfully pointing the way down the aisle. "I can't throw my petals until you go. Suzanne said so."

John's eyes were sparkling as he took her arm. There were a few errant whistles when they finally started walking and Elizabeth felt her cheeks burn as they made their way down the aisle, her smile stretching so wide her cheeks stung in protest. As they parted, John kissed her hand before moving towards Dave's side.

Anna had to nudge her to turn sideways when Suzanne finally started down the aisle, but Elizabeth's eyes kept gravitating back to John's. She startled when Suzanne pressed her bouquet her hand a moment later. She glanced up at Suzanne, finding a mischievous glint to her eyes.

"Elizabeth, the maid of honor isn't supposed to be smiling like she's more in love than the bride." She winked, before quickly turning back to Dave.

Elizabeth was glad someone was filming because at the moment she was being a terrible friend. She struggled to keep focus on the ceremony, but her efforts were in vain. Not a single word being spoken was seeping to into her brain. Her eyes drifted back to John's and once they locked again, she couldn't summon the will to pull away.

~v~v~v~

After the ceremony, white gloved servers passed silver trays laden with glasses of champagne for the guests. While the guests mingled with their drinks, the wedding party was whisked away to finish all the photos on Suzanne's wish list. One of the photographers had been solely tasked with the best man and maid of honor photos. Elizabeth would bet good money Suzanne had dictated the exact shots she'd wanted to the photographer to capture. All the photos seemed to require an inordinate amount of touching, holding, and eye contact, exactly the kind of photos she would have wanted had it been their wedding.

After that, the rest of Suzanne and Dave's wedding was marked by flashes of the camera. Reflecting back was like flipping through a memory book in her mind. A flash when silver clinked against china, prompting a kiss between Dave and Suzanne during dinner. A flash for each toast, for the cutting of the cake and for the notable first dance.

Hours later, Elizabeth skirted the crowd looking for John, wanting either another dance or to slip away from the festivities to call it a night. While Suzanne and Dave had obviously spared no expense, they'd managed kept the guest list small, giving the wedding an intimate feel. It hadn't been easy with the connections both of their families had, but they'd just wanted those closest to them in attendance. They'd also wanted to have the wedding at the lakeside lodge. Even with a small fleet of limos chauffeuring guests from a borrowed parking lot miles away, the logistics wouldn't have allowed for more than a hundred guests. She realized now those limos had been transporting guests away at an alarming rate and the crowd had dwindled to about half of the size it had started with.

The moon was full and someone had begun lighting the candles within glass lanterns that were scattered in clusters along the shore of the lake. Between the two sources of light, a romantic, luminous glow was cast about the grounds of the estate. While a string quartet had started the evening, after dinner a DJ had taken over. Elizabeth dimly realized the last several songs that had played were among her favorite, all ones that made her think of John.

"There you are." John stepped between her and the lake. "Where are your shoes now?" He laughed.

Elizabeth wiggled her toes in the soft grass. "I don't know." The heels kept sinking into the ground, so she'd taken them off hours ago starting a humorous cycle of her losing them and John finding them again. She should have taken them to the house long ago. "Maybe somewhere between here and the dance floor?"

"It's okay. You don't need shoes to dance." He stepped closer.

"Here? But we're not on the dance floor."

He ignored her and pulled her hands up to his neck. One of his hands fell back to her waist, while the other stretched behind her back, cupping the back of her head and holding her tightly against his body. As they swayed, her body began to melt against him and she let out a soft shuddery breath.

"No more running away from me tonight, I don't want to let you out of my sight again," she said, startling slightly as the words slipped unwittingly from her mouth.

He stopped although the song hadn't ended. He drew back, his eyes searching hers out. "I'm not going anywhere. I can't keep my eyes off of you."

Her updo started tumbling down when he pulled his hand away from her head, but she didn't care. Nothing would bother her as long as he kept looking at her the way he was just then. His eyes were smoldering with quiet intensity and for the second time that night, there was a flash of something she couldn't quite read within them.

"John-"

He drowned out her question when he grasped the back of her head, crushing her mouth to his. Whistling pierced the night air and John reluctantly drew back, his thumb gently stroking her cheek.

They turned and found Dave with his fingers to his lips. He whistled again as they watched him. Suzanne was standing next to the DJ, she stuck two thumbs up and then blew them a kiss. Her mother and Glen stood off to Suzanne's side, her step-father sweeping a tear from her mother's face. Blaze and Andy were at their side, both offering a casual wave in their direction.

"Why is my mother crying?" And why were they suddenly the focus of attention? They certainly hadn't been the only couple kissing that night.

While she vaguely registered the guests from Dave and Suzanne's wedding had dwindled down to only the family and friends they had in common with Elizabeth and John, it took her another minute to realize there were new faces in the crowd, familiar faces. Her heart rate started steadily increasing with each person she recognized. Rodney and Jennifer, Carson, Teyla and Kanaan, Ronon…and was that Amelia Banks? And Chuck? As her eyes scanned around she also spotted Zelenka, Lorne, Carter, and O'Neill.

Her heart hammered in her ears, her eyes had stretched wide when she turned back to John. He held up his finger up to the crowd signaling they needed a minute.

"What's going on?" She breathed.

"Remember how Suzanne kind of brow beat me into telling her we wanted a lakeside wedding?"

Her heart started skidding against her chest as she registered what was about to transpire. "We can't. It's Suzanne's and Dave's wedding night."

"I knew you would say that, but she insisted. Plus, if you notice the time," John held up his wrist indicating his watch, "it's almost midnight. After I invited Rodney to the wedding, he pointed out that midnight would be the five-year anniversary of our expedition leaving for Atlantis."

"Five years?" Elizabeth's brain was busy trying to catch up. "We're getting married on…" Oh…wow. There were simply no words to succinctly capture the enormity of all she felt at that moment. "And you knew? All week, you've known …" Her words faded away before she even finished the question. Of course he knew. He'd probably known since that first phone call to Suzanne. And today, when she'd thought it was liquid courage that had prompted some of that heartfelt conversation earlier, he had known it was their wedding day. It was no wonder he'd pushed himself beyond his comfort zone.

John's face was unusually somber. His eyes had locked onto hers with a familiar watchful intensity. It was the look they shared whenever the shit hit the fan, the quiet reminder they weren't alone and unspoken assurance their combined strength would see them through any storm. It was also the same look they shared when their emotions welled deep and caught painfully in their throats, the look that had always conveyed more than words had ever managed.

Just over a week ago, she'd still been sleeping alone with wavering hope. How could a life change so drastically in a period of days?

She started turning, her eyes panning the area around them. Her eyes dampened as she continued to soak up the scene before her. Tears started to fall in relief of what they'd overcome and in awe of what they'd become. It felt like her heart had lodged in her throat, it hurt to swallow. Love had never hurt so good…and at that moment, it was almost too much.

John shifted around to face her. He swept her hair back, his fingers brushing against her tear stained face. "Elizabeth," he breathed, his voice anguished. "It kills me to see you cry."

"Happy tears," she somehow managed to choke the words out.

His fingers combed through her hair, gently brushing her curls back and away from her damp face. "Look at me." He tilted her face up to his own.

His eyes were glistening as they bored into hers. "I can't promise that every day will always be will be, I don't know… this damn good, I guess." He leaned forward until their foreheads touched and their breath intermingled. "But I can promise that our lives will never be that bad again. I know the last eight months were hell for you."

The lump in her throat was subsiding as were her tears. "They were hell for you too," she said quietly as she wrapped her arms around his neck.

His lips brushed her cheek, then again just beneath her ear, before he buried his face in her neck, wrapping his arms around her.

Moments later they were still intertwined as Suzanne stepped out of the shadows. "Sorry to interrupt, but you are going to need this."

Suzanne pressed a bouquet into Elizabeth's hand when she backed away from John. It was the same one Elizabeth had carried that day, the one she had protested was much too nice for a maid of honor bouquet. Now she understood why.

Suzanne motioned towards John. "He was the one who told me lilacs. Lilacs and white roses. He makes it irritatingly difficult to dislike him." She reached out and gave John an affectionate poke on the arm.

"Suze, are you sure about this? I feel like we are poaching your wedding."

"It was my idea, Elizabeth. I insisted on it. And if you hadn't realized it yet, my wedding was yesterday. It's a brand new day. The caterer is setting up a brand new buffet, bringing out the new cake. Two completely different weddings, two completely different days." Suzanne's moved forward and hugged Elizabeth. She swept a tear from her eye when she pulled back. "Now let's see what we can do about this hair."

"Sorry about that." John smiled guiltily.

"It's not your fault, it's been falling all night," Elizabeth said as Suzanne finished pulling the pins from her hair.

Suzanne used her fingers to loosen the tangles and shape her hair.

"How bad is it?" Elizabeth frowned.

Her friend wiped another tear from her eye. "It suits you better down, actually. All wavy and natural."

Elizabeth's eyes cast to John in silent question. The look in his eyes made her breath catch and made her forget all about her hair. He swallowed deeply and gave a slight nod.

Suzanne squeezed her arm. "You two take a minute, but don't wait too long. Your scientist friend that talks fast has a lighter and a crazy look in his eyes and your Aunt Imogene is talking guns with Evan's date."

At that, Elizabeth started laughing through the last of her tears. She glanced over Suzanne's shoulder and did a double take when she spotted Laura Cadman on Evan's arm.

Elizabeth's eyes followed as Suzanne headed towards the lake. The remaining small group of guests had all drifted down closer to the shore. Kate Heightmeyer was holding Teyla's sleeping baby, Chuck was chatting with Aiden whose fingers were tightly twined with Brooke's. Blaze and Andy were there, as were some of the foundation's team members. Everyone that was near and dear to her heart. Most of their friends from Atlantis had gathered near Rodney. There was a large box next to him on the ground and what appeared to be one of those long lighter sticks in his hand.

"What is Rodney doing?" She tilted her head sideways towards John.

"He wanted to do something to mark the anniversary of the expedition to Atlantis. The last time he visited his sister, she lit some of these lanterns with Madison. I don't know what made him think about that, but he did and he ordered a bunch of them."

"Lanterns?" She asked, not quite understanding.

"You'll see."

Wow, Elizabeth thought again as her eyes panned the yard. So many people had come together to make this happen...and it was nothing short of extraordinary.

"Come on my hopeless romantic." John took her hand. "Are you ready to go work on that happy ending?"

She cast her eyes to his. "As you wish."

John's expression melted into one of pure delight. He picked her up, baby weight and all, and spun her around, inciting another round of whistles and cat calls from the crowd. "God, I love you," he said, kissing her neck as he deposited her back on the ground.

"I love you too," she whispered.

He tugged on her hand, drawing her into motion.

"I still don't have my shoes, John." She realized.

"Who cares?" He shrugged as he straightened his jacket. "I lost my tie about an hour ago."

That he had and, as much as Elizabeth had appreciated the way he looked in that suit, he looked even better now without the tie and the top buttons undone. Imperfectly perfect.

She followed him down towards the shore. Though no seating had been setup, guests were casually standing around conversing in clumps oddly looking more comfortable than they would have been in chairs. Those white gloved servers were on the move again, skirting through the crowd with their silver trays laden with glasses of champagne.

While Elizabeth had known she didn't want a formal wedding, this was better than she'd hoped for. Everyone was relaxed and enjoying themselves. Elizabeth realized John wasn't the only one without a tie and at least half of the men had already ditched their jacket as well.

They worked through the crowd together. If their fingers weren't laced, his hand was at the small of her back. Both seemed to feel the same compulsion to keep that constant connection. As they moved through the small cluster of bodies, she paused to hug their friends, while John shook their hands and good naturedly endured his own share of hugs.

Suzanne and Dave were standing with Aiden, Brooke, Ronon, and Ameila. As they approached, Elizabeth wasn't surprised to see Brooke's mouth moving a hundred miles an hour.

"So you two work together? With Elizabeth and John?" Brooke directed towards Ronon and Amelia. "Where Aiden and Kate used to work? And those scientist guys?"

Ronon grunted and Amelia nodded apprehensively and Elizabeth started to worry, realizing quickly where this was heading.

"No offense, but that seems like a really weird combination." Brooke's nose wrinkled as she scrutinized them. "What on Earth could all of you possibly be working on together?" Brooke asked.

John almost snorted with laughter when he heard her strike uncomfortably close to home. Nothing on earth, Brooke, she thought. Nowhere even near it.

Elizabeth started to speak, but Suzanne beat her too it.

"Brooke, even you are smart enough to know better than to ask. That's the kind of question you don't want to know the answer to unless you want people in dark suits and unmarked cars to show up and make you disappear… and you're already running a pretty big risk of the people in white coats showing up to lock you away."

Blaze must have heard because he turned his head their way before stepping towards them. "Listen to Suzanne and stop being so damn nosy, Brooke." He hugged Elizabeth, holding her long enough to whisper conspiratorially into her ear. "Honey, don't tell Suzanne, but you had her beat in the beautiful bride department tonight and it's not just from that pregnancy glow. I don't think I've ever seen anyone happier." As soon as he released her, Andy swooped in and kissed her on the cheek.

They kept turning and swirling as they greeted all their guests. Ronon ignored John's handshake when they circled back to him, instead he picked John up in a big teddy bear hug. While John was busy with Ronon and Teyla, Elizabeth turned to greet Laura and Evan. After hugging Laura, she tugged on Evan's elbow and leaned close to his ear. "Do I even want to know where the jumper is parked?" She knew better to think they'd all flown commercial or had managed to get a military flight.

Lorne gave a short bark of laughter. His eyes darted from side to side and when he was satisfied no one was paying attention besides Laura, he flicked his eyes towards a tent perched at the back of the yard near the woods. "Behind the tent. We had to have some way to make it seem as if people weren't appearing out of thin air. Your friend Suzanne thinks we are completely insane for requesting a tent for no apparent reason, but she's smarter than most. She knows when to stop asking questions. The two weddings actually worked in your favor. Too much coming and going for anyone to really notice."

Elizabeth noticed a man in a suit pacing back and forth before the tent. On the next pass, his jacket swung open and she could see he was armed. "And who is that?"

"One of the marines. We needed someone to make sure no one accidentally stumbled across the jumper."

John tugged from behind her, their fingers had still been laced while they'd been talking. She'd forgotten John had probably already greeted at least some of the arrivals from Atlantis. He pulled her away from Evan and Laura and they quickly finished making their rounds, greeting everyone else. Jack and Sam were off in the back by themselves and John held her back, his eyes warning her off when she started that way. Her eyes darted back and she realized he was right. They were standing close with their heads tucked together. While she wasn't entirely sure if their relationship went beyond friendship, they were undeniably close and quiet moments were probably a rarity for them.

Carson stepped out from behind a clump of bodies to draw Elizabeth into a hug. "You look beautiful, love. How are you feeling?"

They chatted for a minute with Carson before he shooed them off to continue on their way. At that point, she was pretty sure they'd spoken to everyone, everyone except her mother.

When she reached her mother, she handed her the bouquet. "Can you hang onto this for me? I kind of have my hands full with this one," she said, tilting her head towards John. She ignored his answering eye roll and hugged her mother while John shook hands with her Glen.

"You are beautiful, Elizabeth." Her mother managed through a fresh rush of tears. "I'm so happy for your both." Glen was prepared, immediately handing over another tissue when her mother released John, after having surprised him by latching onto him just after she'd released Elizabeth. Her mother dabbed at her eyes before reaching out to squeeze John's arm. "Suzanne has always been like a daughter to me. Now, between you and Dave, I feel like I have two sons of my own. And you're giving me a grandchild." Her voice wavered as her hand moved from John's arm onto Elizabeth's stomach, tears continuing to trickle from her eyes.

The press of tears threatened Elizabeth again as she smiled at her mother. She was never going to make it through the ceremony if her mom kept this up.

Aunt Imogene wandered up right on cue to save her. She had a determined look on her face and she was pointing her cane at John. "You know, you're supposed to have a receiving line after the wedding. You're not supposed to be out here mingling with all your guests before the wedding. It's not normal."

Suzanne instantly appeared at her side. "You're right, Aunt Imogene. It's not normal. It's perfect." She winked at them before steering John's aunt off towards a chair they'd brought over for her.

Seconds later, they finally reached the officiant. They were at the edge of the rocky shore, Elizabeth's bare feet were cushioned by the soft, cool, grass. She wondered vaguely how Aunt Imogene's vision was these days, it seemed as if she should have given her a hard time about not wearing any shoes instead of greeting her guests before the wedding.

"Did you bring our rings?" She whispered.

John's head perked at that, he scanned the crowd waving when he caught Dave's eye.

Dave trotted over, quickly pulling the rings from his pocket and handing them to John. "Guess you'll be needing these," he said before turning to hug her. "You look beautiful, Elizabeth."

"Hey, what about me?" John said in mock protest.

Dave turned and abruptly hugged his brother, catching John by surprise. "You look beautiful too." He joked, stepping quickly out of dodge.

John just laughed and pulled Elizabeth back, close to his side. As Dave escaped back to Suzanne, John nudged her attention back towards the lake. "Watch." That was all he said as his arm wound around her back.

Rodney used the lighter on one of the lanterns. It immediately puffed full of air and cast a soft golden light, a stark contrast to the dark night. He handed it to Jennifer who raised it up high into the air before gently releasing it.

"It's floating," she breathed.

"It's got a fuel cell inside. They're made of rice paper too, completely biodegradable."

She stood watching, mesmerized as Rodney continued lighting the lanterns and handing them out to the Atlantian family to release into the night.

The sky was slowly filling with the floating lanterns. As they continued to ascend, Elizabeth started to understand why Rodney thought they would be perfect to mark the occasion. They looked like stars dancing about the night sky. She couldn't imagine a more magical backdrop for their wedding ceremony. Soon, dozens of lanterns were in the air and their guests were adding another one with each moment that passed.

They stood there watching for a moment. She looked back over her shoulder when music started playing and she realized Suzanne's string quartet was now standing off to the side of the small crowd.

"Is that…they are playing Everlong." Their eyes locked and his looked just as watery as hers felt. "This is amazing, John." A whispered voice was all she could manage.

Rodney stepped towards them with a lantern in his hand. "I, ahh, I thought you might like to release one, too." He blushed furiously when Elizabeth stepped forward and kissed him on the cheek.

"Thank you, Rodney, for all of this," she said.

They took the lantern from Rodney's hands and together, they raised it high until it floated out of their hands into the night's sky, ascending to join with the others the highlighted the night.

As she watched it rise, she realized in her life, she may have never experienced such a perfect moment.

Her eyes locked with John's as their arms lowered, and for the umpteenth time that day, the world fell away as their arms wound around each other and their lips melded into a soft, simmery kiss.

"And Suzanne watered down _my_ whiskey." The voice, the unmistakable southern drawl of John's Aunt Imogene. "They're the ones kissing, did they forget they haven't gotten married yet?"

Their foreheads pressed together as they started laughing. She reached out, taking one of his hands in each of her own. "Are you ready to do this?"

John's lips brushed beside her ear. "As you wish."

v~v~v~

Their guests had continued lighting and releasing lanterns throughout the ceremony. By the time John and Elizabeth had been officially pronounced husband and wife, it seemed as though hundreds were floating through the air. Tears were still erratically springing to her eyes and through her watery gaze, it almost looked like hundreds of fireflies flitting about in the night. It was gorgeous, unexpected and perfect. She couldn't imagine what the photos would look like, but if they captured even one tenth of the beauty, they would be a breathtaking reminder of this stunningly perfect night.

Rodney tucked away the lighter, before snapping quick commands at the waiters, urging them to make sure everyone had a glass in hand.

Elizabeth wiped at her eyes as she glanced at John. He just shrugged, seeming just as confused as she was. A server pressed a glass of water into her hand before handing John a flute of champagne.

Rodney's eyes darted around as if looking for something. He finally sighed and pulled the lighter stick out of his back pocket, using it to clink the side of his glass and cement his hold on everyone's attention. When he seemed satisfied that all eyes were on him, he cleared his throat and started to speak. "We wanted to do something special to mark this occasion. So, please join me in a toast to Atl-"

John started coughing loudly, effectively drowning out the rest of Rodney's word.

"Ah, yes." Rodney seemed flustered, but quickly recovered. "A toast to friendship, love, and the adventure of a lifetime."

It was perfect. Most would never know Rodney wasn't speaking of the wedding, but of another treasured anniversary.

After the toast, John set both their drinks down and drew her close to his side, turning them to face the water. It grew quiet and their Atlantian guests gravitated towards them. They clustered together around the lake shore, all taking in the sight of the lanterns dancing along the soft winds of the night. The string quartet had started playing again and Elizabeth was just…awestruck by the beauty of the moment.

She had no idea how long they stood there, but a bell resonated down through the yard indicating that the food was ready. She held John's hand when he tried to lead her away with the crowd. Hunger wasn't her priority right then, she just wanted to linger in that moment. Suzanne paused, looking back to them and Elizabeth waved her on, trusting her to get their guests started without abiding by tradition and waiting for the bride and groom.

Minutes passed as she stood there, captivated by the night's sky. Finally, John slipped off his jacket, tossing it to the ground and ignoring her protests as he nudged her to sit down. She settled in and tucked her legs back beside her, grateful that John didn't seem to be in any hurry to walk away from this either. It was enchanting. Spectacular even, as the lanterns ascended higher, drifting further away from their sight. The moonlight still gently illuminated the night as did the clusters of glass lanterns scattered around the lake shore. John slipped his arm around her back as he joined her on the ground and they just sat in silence, watching the floating lanterns grow smaller and smaller.

The string quartet had stopped and the DJ had taken over once again. She could hear the cacophony of voices of laughter drifting down from the reception that was going on without them. She was glad her guests were enjoying themselves, more so that they'd allowed her and John these moments to themselves.

"Lean back." John's words startled her when he broke the silence.

"What?" She tilted her head towards him.

"Lean back on your arms." He said, his husky voice sending a tiny shiver down her spine. He took her palms one by one until she was leaned back, bracing her weight back upon them. "Just like that."

"What are you doing?" She eyed him carefully.

"I need to have a talk with my son. Cover your ears."

If a heart could sigh, hers would be happily doing so at that moment. "Make up your mind," she laughed. "I can't lean back and cover my ears at the same time."

As John laid down on his side, a lopsided smile crossed his face. "Right. I'll just have to whisper then." He propped up on his elbow aligning his mouth with her stomach.

Elizabeth peered down at him, wondering how much more her heart could take that night. The sight of John whispering to her stomach brought a fresh wave of those happy tears flooding into her eyes. His lips were moving, but she wasn't sure he was actually saying anything, nothing she could hear at any rate. A moment later his lips paused and he pressed his forehead against her stomach. She reached down, letting her fingers tangle into his hair, wondering if anything could ever feel this good forever.

A camera flash almost blinded her and she pulled her head back, shielding her eyes. As much as she knew she would appreciate having that moment captured on film one day, she wasn't ready for that moment to end.

"Give them some privacy, young man, didn't your momma teach you any manners?" Elizabeth squinted into the night and spotted the faint gleam of Aunt Imogene's cane pointing at their photographer.

"But Suzanne-"

Aunt Imogene cut off his weak protest. "They can come find you when they are ready if they want some more pictures. Come on now. Let's go find you a nice piece of cake. You're a handsome young man, are you single?"

Elizabeth laughed as the photographer threw a pleading look their way before allowing Aunt Imogene to drag him away.

John's head pressed back against her stomach and she could feel his laughter rolling through his body. When his body stilled, he drew back just enough to press a kiss against her stomach before shoving himself back up to a seated position.

"So what did you and Kyle talk about?" She stretched out, lacing her fingers behind his neck. They still hadn't decided a name, but they kept trying out the ones that repeatedly rose to the top of their short lists, just waiting to get a feel for which one really fit.

"I told Kai that I held up my end of our bargain, so he had to hold up his."

She felt her smile grow wider. "Tell me about this bargain, I'm intrigued."

John's eyes flashed up almost shyly towards hers before his lashes dropped again. "Well, I promised to marry his mother, if he promised to behave and adhere to his due date so I could take you to the Outer Banks."

"The Outer Banks?"

"Not even six hours away, another beautiful coastal drive. It's not Tahiti, but-"

"It's perfect." She'd never even thought about trying to drive somewhere for a honeymoon.

John smiled, looking a bit relieved and proud all in the same breath. "Glad to hear you say that. I already rented the beach house. We can leave either Monday after your doctor's appointment or the day after. Whatever you want. We can take Shadow with us this time."

Shadow would love that, love chasing the ocean waves on the sand. There was something else in John's eyes. A little trace of mischievous guilt that jostled a random memory. "There isn't any other reason you want to go to the Outer Banks, is there? Isn't that where the Wright Brother's historic first flight took place?"

"Maybe." He tried to hold a serious expression, but it only took his face a moment to crumple into laughter. This man, she thought, tugging on his neck until his laughter faded and his mouth descended hot and hungry against hers. Their wedding was better than anything she would have dreamed of, but now, she couldn't wait until she had him all to herself once again. Even as his kiss deepened and became more insistent, she knew he was holding back. So many people waiting for them, so many people probably watching their every move.

Flash. They were blinded again and when her eyes cleared she saw the other photographer just a few feet away. This time, there was no Aunt Imogene standing in the shadows to save them.

"I could go get Ronon. Have him keep an eye on these guys for us," John said, as he blinked rapidly probably waiting for the final spots to fade from his vision just like she was.

The corners of her mouth twitched. "Why don't we cooperate for a few minutes, go make our rounds with the guests and then politely call it a night. We can blame it on the baby, it is well past his bedtime."

"But not yours?" John's eyes flashed seductively back to catch hers.

The heated look in his eyes sent a shock of sparks racing through her veins. "When you look at me like that, it's never past my bedtime," she murmured. The backache, the hunger, the exhaustion, everything slipped away as his eyes held hers, leaving only that insatiable craving to be near him.

The transparency they always shared with their eyes didn't fail her now, and his eyes grew molten as her thoughts delved deeper into those ever present wants and desires. His eyes were smoldering when he kissed her again, just a steamy, teasing promise of what was yet to come. "Let's get a move on then." His voice rasped, rough and gravelly. "I'm ready to take my wife to bed."

TBC~

A/N- I hope I did right by this couple for you. :) I'm looking forward to seeing your thoughts. Thank you for reading and special thanks to all who take the time to leave reviews.

Love and hugs.

~Me


	27. Chapter 27

A/N: Some mild mature content, mostly implied, nothing graphic. Sorry :)

 _Sunday morning…._

"John."

Elizabeth stood beside the bed smiling down at John's sleeping, rumpled form. It wasn't often that she woke before him, but when she did, she understood his teasing grumbles of complaint on her nocturnal habits, namely stealing the covers. Current appearances stated a pretty strong case against her. John had been left with a corner of the sheet that was now draped about his waist, leaving the bulk of his lean, sinewy body for her viewing pleasure. There were other pleasures she'd prefer to indulge in had she not heard voices drifting up the stairs.

She leaned down, running her fingers down the side of his stubbly jaw. "John, wake up."

He stretched languidly, jostling the sheet away from his body and she sucked in her breath. The muscles of his upper body weren't the only thing that was hard.

The way John pushed himself physically had often made her wonder if he realized his age, but as her eyes leisurely surveyed his body she thought it was no wonder. Beyond the gray blending through his hair and the soft lines around his eyes, his toned physique proved his body seemed to be in denial about aging as well. He even looked younger as he slept when the weight of responsibility slipped from his face.

His eyes opened and a sensual pout crossed his face. "Why are you out of bed?" His hands clamped around her waist while she was still busy ogling his body. With a quick move, John pulled her back into bed and within his arms before she even registered her feet leaving the ground. Her hand landed on his chest, her fingers weaving through the soft hairs that matted his chest, noting the presence of silvery hairs there as well.

She liked the subtle signs of his age and it wasn't just because he seemed annoyingly more handsome with each mark of time that appeared on his body. Loving him was simultaneously the most rewarding and riskiest venture her heart had ever undertaken. The more gray hair and fine lines he acquired, the wealthier they would be in what was often the most fleeting resource in a soldier's life. Time.

"I had the best dream," John's gravelly voice sent tiny shivers spiraling down her spine.

"I can see that." Elizabeth edged closer, feeling the press of his hardness against her stomach. "I can feel that too."

"Hmm?" He chuckled softly when her hand skimmed against his hip, drawing his attention below his waist. "Oh, that. I don't need to dream about it, I have the real thing." His lips found their way onto her neck and she sighed softly at the contrasting softness of his lips, followed the gently scrapping of the stubbly growth on his face. "Though if I did have that kind of dream, you would have been wearing a lot less clothes."

She'd only gotten dressed moments ago and she was already starting to regret it. "Then what were you dreaming about?"

"The beach. A shrimp boil. We need to do that next week."

"What? Food?" That was the last thing she'd expected, that was a dream she was more likely to have in her current state of near constant hunger. She laughed until his lips covered hers, drowning out the sound until it faded away. It was a lazy kiss. Deep and delicious, but surprisingly tender and sweet.

"This is my idea of breakfast in bed," he murmured. "Kissing my wife." He licked his lips. "You taste like sugar."

"Cake," she said, feeling heat flush her cheeks. It wasn't exactly a healthy breakfast, though she hadn't eaten enough to even consider it a snack. "I just had a bite." They'd brought her slice of cake up the night before, but had gotten sidetracked and it had gone untouched until a minute before. "I was hungry."

"So am I." His lips descended, claiming hers before she could respond. It still wasn't the kiss she'd expected given the state he'd woken in. His mouth worked against hers slowly, like their kiss was a decadent treat and he wanted to draw out each second of indulgence. His hands stroked down her body, gently caressing her skin.

When they came up for air, her still sleep bleary eyes took a moment to focus on his penetrating stare. A lump immediately started swelling in her throat. It hadn't even been a day, but marriage had spurred yet another change in the evolution of their love. Layers were continuing to peel away that she hadn't even realized still remained. When they'd first met, he'd been encased in an impermeable shell and, while those defenses had abated with time, now it was whispery thin, completely porous, allowing her to see something beyond the love and the heat flowing through his eyes. If there was a word for it, it kept slipping through her grasp, she only knew whatever it was touched her soul, making her feel treasured, cherished in a way she never had before.

The faint sound of laughter drifted up the stairs. _Shit._ She'd forgotten all about the noise. "Do you hear that?" She asked, wishing she could do anything but acknowledge whatever reality awaited them downstairs. All she wanted to do was stay in bed and get lost within his eyes and his arms.

John groaned and rolled onto his back, craning his neck to see the clock on the side table. It was almost eleven in the morning. "I didn't realize it was so late. We need to get up."

"What's going on?" She asked.

Dave and Suzanne had been whisked away with the last limo, bound for an airport hotel until their flight later that day. John's aunt had been the only one who'd stayed the night, that Elizabeth was aware of at any rate, but the noise coming from below made it sound as though a dozen people were in their kitchen.

"I invited my team to stay last night and hang out today. Carson too. Evan's picking them up after dinner tonight. Sorry to spring it on you, but I thought since they were already going to be here for the wedding-"

"No need to break out the charming smile, it was a good idea." And they still had weeks all to themselves. Wait. If his team was downstairs and was staying all day- "Please tell me that we don't have to cook for everyone."

John seemed entirely too amused by the horror in her eyes. "Don't worry. The only place I plan on torturing you is in the bedroom. Or…," his brows raised suggestively, "wherever else we have enough privacy." He was laughing when he dropped a last kiss to her lips before rolling out of bed. "Helen's taking care of everything, that's why she dropped the food off yesterday. I promise, after the doctor's appointment on Monday, it's back to the honeymoon. Nothing but candlelight, moonlight, walks on the beach, sex on the-"

"I get it, I get it," she laughed, "but I'm not sure about the sex on the beach part. Just the thought of the sand-"

"Maybe I was just talking about the drink."

Her eyes pressed shut as she shook her head. There was no suppressing her smile though. "Maybe we can even work in a little TV time for you." She added. He may have bypassed the remote for days, but she'd caught more than one stray longing glance its way.

"You do love me," John smiled slyly as he reached for her, pulling her in close enough to plant another soft kiss on her lips.

"Was there ever any doubt?" She inwardly cringed the moment the words slipped out. They'd just survived eight long months of hellish doubt. "On second thought, don't answer that."

His hand stroked down her arm to her hand, allowing his fingers to brush over her wedding rings. "Never again." He kissed her hand before releasing it to start digging for his clothes.

She wasn't ready to relinquish him to the crowd just yet, especially if she was giving up having him to herself for the rest of the day. "You can't go down there like that."

"That's why I'm putting on clothes."

"I didn't mean naked. I meant…" Her eyes dropped, following the fine line of hair that trailed from his chest to down, past his abdomen, until her gaze settled between his legs. "Like that."

"What about our company?" If that was his way of protesting it was weak and unbelievable. There was more than just a trace of heat burning in his still heavy eyes.

She feigned mock surprise at his words. "You must still be sleep deprived." She grabbed his hand and started tugging him towards the bathroom, not that it took much of an effort to get him to follow along. "Maybe a shower to wake you up? Besides, our company will be more comfortable if we are clean... and if your jeans fit."

"Sexy and smart," John's eyes simmered over her as he swiftly changed gears, taking control and walking her backwards until she lodged against the shower door.

She was well aware how potent the mix of sexy and smart could be, she was staring right at it. "It's kind of a bring you to your knees combination, isn't it?"

His eyes flared as his hands inched up her nightgown until his thumbs hooked under the band of her panties. "Great idea." He swiftly dropped to his knees, dragging her panties down her legs and to her ankles.

"That wasn't a hint," she gasped. One hand gripped his hair, her other palm braced against the wall as she tried to anchor herself. Her legs wobbled as he lifted one ankle at a time, before tossing her panties aside. The air in the room seemed to thin the moment his lips struck the delicate skin of her inner thigh. "John-"

He shushed her, managing to draw a sensual, breathy laugh she barely recognized as her own. "You don't have to shush me. I'm not complaining."

His eyes were molten when they flicked up to meet hers, molten with a wicked gleam. "I meant because we have company. If we can hear them…" His words trailed off as his mouth busied itself with her skin once again, blazing a path right up her inner thigh. He seemed too impatient for words, too impatient for the torturous, languorous route he'd mapped just days before. She'd little doubt his actions were carefully calculated to ensure all cognitive ability ceased before she'd have time to plan a counter attack.

As if hearing her thoughts, his mouth pulled away from her skin and his eyes flashed back to hers. "This time," he paused, his hands closing around her hips and holding tight, "I am going to hear you beg."

~v~v~v~

"Took you long enough" Rodney complained when they entered the dining room, though he seemed highly relieved to see them. "Aunt Imogene refused to let us eat until you came down." That earned him a light jab to the ribs as Jennifer turned to frown at him.

"Oh, hush up, young man." Imogene seemed pleased with his discomfort. "Helen laid out some muffins and scones, you hardly went hungry."

Everyone was already settled around the dining room table, each with cups of coffee and plates of pastries.

John tucked his head to Elizabeth's ear. "Should it worry me Rodney is referring to her as Aunt Imogene? She's my aunt."

"Maybe he's trying to remind himself of that so he doesn't get too irritable with her." She whispered back.

Helen stepped out the kitchen with a platter of food and Elizabeth's stomach immediately started rumbling. "Brunch is ready, I hope you are hungry," Helen said, casting a smile their way as she passed.

"Need some help?" Elizabeth asked.

"I've got it." Helen dropped the food on the table and turned back, pulling Elizabeth into a quick hug. "Sorry I missed the wedding last night, I had already committed to catering at a fundraiser last night. By the time I cleaned up after, it was too late, but I heard the wedding was spectacular."

"It was kind of spectacular." She confirmed. Had it not been for the rings on her fingers, she would still probably be convinced it had been a dream.

John gave her an indignant look. "Kind of?"

"Definitely was." She smiled at him, rewarded with his answering grin and the stroke of fingers at the small of her back.

Shadow trotted up and started nudging at John's hand, demanding attention. She vaguely wondered what the pooch had been up too all this time with their guests. Elizabeth had opened the bedroom door earlier planning to take him out, but he'd bolted down the stairs just as she heard the voices and retreated back inside.

"What took you so long anyway? Your giant dog came down almost an hour ago and started shedding all over us. We took him out by the way. You're welcome," Rodney said, earning yet another jab from Jennifer. "Will you stop? I have delicate skin. I'm going to be bruised."

"I just took him out a few hours ago. He would have been fine." John shook his head and turned into the kitchen to help Helen bring in the rest of the food.

Jennifer just rolled her eyes and shot Elizabeth a smile. "Shadow was fine with us. He's great actually. I miss having a dog." She tilted her head back towards Rodney. "And what do you think took them so long? They look all flushed and happy-"

"It was their wedding night for heaven's sake." Imogene scolded. "If you don't know what they were doing, I think the sweet girl beside you might need to be moving on."

Ronon laughed heartily at that and it was hard not to join him, even in spite of Rodney's scowling face.

Elizabeth slipped into a chair beside Teyla, instantly reaching for Torren. "Let me see this handsome little guy." Torren immediately tangled his chubby fingers into her wet curly locks.

"And your hair is wet." Rodney frowned towards Elizabeth, still seeming confused.

"McKay." John's voice called from the kitchen, his gruff tone requiring no further words to add to that warning.

"Let's just get some real food in him, shall we? He'll be back to his normal charming self before we know it." Carson's eyes were twinkling. "I don't think I've ever seen you with a young child before, Elizabeth, but you're a natural. Little man is happy as can be."

John walked back and when he spotted her holding Torren, the look in his eyes made her heart clench, making her wonder if she'd survive seeing the look in his eyes when she was holding their own son. Better yet, if she'd survive the look in his eyes the first time he held their son. Her heart may have battle tested, but there was no preparing for that kind of tender assault.

He put down the platter in front of her and her mouth watered. She wasn't entirely sure if it was from the aroma of Helen's stuffed French toast or from the man moving to settle into the chair beside her, but she was leaning towards the latter. His hair was still a mass of wet spikes and his skin carried that clean from the shower masculine smell. And as much as she aggravated him about the battered clothes he'd purchased new off the shelf, she liked seeing him barefoot and casual in cargo shorts and a soft tee.

Kanaan reached for Torren as their guests started filling their plates and Elizabeth immediately missed the presence of the sweet little boy and his warm eyes. She rubbed at her side as the baby stretched. Not much longer and she'd be holding her own son. It was still hard to believe.

"Mmm. This is amazing." They could barely understand Rodney's words through the mouthful of food he was chomping on. "Elizabeth, you need to recruit her for-"

Jennifer poked him sharply in the ribs again. "What is the matter with you? That's twice in two days. You can't say-"

"I know, I know, but the food is so good. Elizabeth. Get her to sign a NDA and recruit her." Rodney said, before forking up another giant sized bite of food.

Elizabeth had considered it already, not so much for the food, though most of the family quarters on Atlantis did have a small kitchen. She really did need to figure out how much time she would be spending there. With the baby in tow, if she planned to get any actual work done, they would need some help.

"What the hell is that?" McKay's squeaky pitch struck an uncomfortably high chord. His eyes were wide as saucers when he pointed behind them.

John and Elizabeth both looked over their shoulders.

"Romeo." Elizabeth frowned. Her stomach was rumbling and the table was full of delectable goodness. She couldn't help but remember the last time Romeo had made an appearance on their deck. The horse was nothing if not consistent with his horrible timing. When she moved to stand up, she realized the cat had followed him up. They were side by side, both of them with their noses pressed to the French doors.

"Haven't you ever seen an animal before, McKay?" Ronon said, before tearing off a bite of bacon.

"Ha, ha. Of course I've seen an animal before. Though, I don't think I've ever been this close to a horse. In fact, I think I might be allergic." Rodney worried eyes turned to Jennifer who just patted his arm reassuringly.

"Just keep eating." Jennifer said, exchanging a glance with Carson and trying not to laugh.

"Where are you from young man? I thought you were a Yankee, but even they wouldn't start at the sight of a horse." Imogene's eyes narrowed towards him.

John's face crumpled as Rodney's mouth opened and closed repeatedly leaving him looking like a flushed guppy.

"I'm Canadian, actually." Rodney finally managed. "And as a people, I'll have you know we are familiar with horses. There are the Canadian Mounties after all. Police."

"Mounties?" Ronon's brow raised. "Doesn't sound very scary."

"It's more of a nickname-"

"Settle down, Rodney. Everyone knows how unfriendly Canadian's are in general, I'm sure the Mounties are terrifying." John's lips pressed together as he tried to hold in his laughter.

"That's sarcasm, isn't it? You know what, this food is so delicious I don't even care." Rodney dug back into the food before him.

John turned back and found her shaking his head towards him. "What?" He hissed softly. "I actually know someone who once a Mountie. Great guy. He was pretty terrifying when he wanted to be. I just like aggravating Rodney."

The sweet babble of Torren caught both their attention. Teyla and Kanaan had stood up, bringing Torren closer to the doors for a better view of the horse. The baby was giggling and shaking his arms in excitement.

"I'll have to take you all down to the barn later. We have more horses there." Elizabeth said.

"What is the small animal beside it?" Teyla asked.

Rodney stood up and peered past them. "It's a cat. I used to have a cat." He was smiling when he sat back down.

"I'll get Romeo." John headed for the door, glancing back at Elizabeth. "Can you get Juliet?"

"There's no need to. She follows him everywhere," Elizabeth said as she moved to follow him. "I'll still come with you."

McKay had started choking on his bite. His face flushed a darker shade of red as Jennifer started pounding on his back.

"What's with you, McKay?" John scowled, his eyes darting back and forth from Rodney to Romeo. Romeo seemed good for the moment. He still showed no signs of taking off, if anything, he seemed most interesting in working his way into the house.

"You seriously don't see it?" Rodney grinned widely as his coughing ceased. "The couple who made goo goo eyes at each other for years on balcony… you have pets called Romeo and Juliet? Unbelievable."

"I do not make goo goo eyes." John halfheartedly frowned as he took in the laughter that had broken out at the table.

Elizabeth had chuckled softly along with them. "I never really thought about it. Suzanne gave Romeo his nickname and Blaze named Juliet."

"Romeo and Juliet?" Teyla asked.

Jennifer had recovered enough to respond. "It was a play written by Shakespeare."

"Is a play like a book? They make a movie of it?" Ronon asked.

Rodney looked at him incredulously. "You want to watch it?"

"Didn't you say something about a spear?" Ronon looked back at Jennifer.

"It has daggers and poison too." Imogene added in a conspiratorial voice.

"Sounds good to me." Ronon shrugged, completely unconcerned with Rodney's opened mouth dramatic silence.

Carson just laughed and tossed Rodney another muffin. "Just keep eating, Rodney, I think your blood sugar is still low."

John's shoulders were shaking when he turned his back on the conversation. Shadow joined them as they slipped onto the deck. Elizabeth grasped Romeo's bridle, wondering why he had it on to begin with. Romeo huffed in greeting and starting nudging her with his nose while Juliet started circling in figure eights about her ankles.

Shadow joined the fun, winding around beneath Romeo before sneaking up and giving Juliet a lick down her back leaving her fur spiky and wet. Shadow started circling and wiggling around them all and it seemed like a giant ball of fur was whirling around her with all these animals.

John chuckled and shook his head. "You're not the crazy cat lady, you're the crazy animal lady. What did you do them?"

She wondered if John had noticed the miniature donkey in their barn yet. Another recent addition, a rescue of Blaze's, but the animal had been too small to fit in with the crowd at the horse sanctuary.

John was still looking at her, so she just shrugged softly, deciding talk of new animals could wait. "They miss me when I'm gone." And her heart tugged at that.

"I'm familiar with the feeling." The look in John's eyes tore at her heart even more.

"Hey there." Joe waved as she jogged towards them. "Sorry about that, I was getting him out to ride, but Romeo had plans of his own. Let me take that troublemaker off your hands, looks like you got a houseful." She spotted Helen inside and gave her a quick wave as well. "You too, Juliet. Come on now."

Elizabeth felt another twinge as they wandered back towards the barn. She missed the animals when she was gone. She'd missed riding too. Missed their home.

"You really like it here, don't you?" John's eyes had shuttered off, a rare move that normally left her reeling, but she didn't need to see within his eyes to guess what he was thinking now.

"I love it." She turned towards him, cupping his face with her hands. "Atlantis too, but you… most of all. The rest will sort itself out over time."

"Time we still need to plan out." He unnecessarily reminded.

She stretched up and gave him a quick kiss. "We will, but first-"

"You're hungry." A smile crossed his face again.

"I'm always hungry."

"You did work up an appetite this morning." His smile morphed into full a forced smirk. "Begging is hard work."

"I did not beg." The impact of her glare was probably diminished by her wide smile, but she didn't care.

"Only because you weren't coherent enough to speak, the begging was implied." John was laughing, a deep, husky sound that was sexier than a laugh had any right to be. "Sound familiar?"

The same words she'd teased him with earlier that week. Heat flooded her cheeks as she remembered their guests who were separated from them by a mere pane of glass. She glanced over her shoulder, but they all seemed blissfully oblivious and completed centered on Helen's feast.

"Come on. Let's get you some food." John's hand fell to the small of her back.

"It's strange seeing them all in jeans and t-shirts." She nodded inside. Even without his dreads, Ronon would stand out in any crowd, but dressed as they were now, no one would ever begin to imagine just how out of town their Pegasus friends were.

John just shrugged. "Amelia and Jennifer took them shopping."

That explained Torren's tiny Chuck Taylor's, too. "Kanaan doesn't talk much," she said before he opened the door.

"This crowd doesn't give him much of a chance though, does it?"

There was that, she mulled as they moved back inside.

After they'd settled back in and she'd managed a few bites of food, she realized one person was missing from the crowd.

She leaned towards John's ear and whispered. "Amelia didn't stay last night. They haven't hit the third date yet?"

John started laughing, choking on his bite and he wasn't the only one. She must have been louder than she realized. Jennifer cracked up and McKay struggled to finish his own bite through his laughter.

"Elizabeth," John's eyes were crinkling with laughter. "We've got to work on your timing, you're going to choke me one of these days. And no, there hasn't been a third date. I'm pretty sure last night may have been Ronon's first official first date with Amelia."

"What?" Ronon wasn't used to people poking fun at him. Most would never dare, but he had an amused expression on his face and his eyes had softened after he'd heard Amelia's name.

Smitten, she suspected, and very much so. All these tough guys. Underneath it all, they had the softest hearts.

Imogene perked up at the turn in conversation. "You know, the third date." She directed an earnest look towards Ronon. "The one where you get lucky." John started coughing again and Imogene turned to him with a spunky look in her eyes. "What, like you two waited for the third date? On second thought, I take that back. You might have had the baby and marriage thing out of order, but I can't imagine Elizabeth not making you work for it."

Elizabeth ungracefully sputtered up the sip of water she'd just taken. It probably wasn't a good time to tell Imogene their first official date had been dinner in Carmel just days before.

"See, now you know what it feels like." John eyes were full of mirth.

Elizabeth ignored him, ignored Imogene, and all the other twinkling eyes at the table and turned her attention back to her food.

"Anyone planning on telling me what you're talking about?" Ronon didn't seem that concerned, though. He was busy heaping what Elizabeth thought was his third serving of food onto his plate.

"We'll talk later." Jennifer smiled towards Ronon, he just grunted in response.

"And perhaps we should chat after that," Carson chimed in with a knowing smile.

Elizabeth and John exchanged an amused look, wondering if Ronon had any idea of the talk coming his way from Carson. Even knowing Elizabeth had been on the pill, Carson used to foist condoms on John at every opportunity before they finally had to tell him they were actually trying for a baby.

Rodney didn't look pleased with the idea of Jennifer and Ronon chatting, but after a warning glance from Jennifer he kept his mouth shut.

Elizabeth hadn't been sure what to think about them as a couple. Not many people liked handling Rodney as a general rule, but Jennifer didn't seem to mind and she was actually quite skilled at it. Elizabeth was just glad someone had realized he was worth it. Rodney was just another tough guy with a heart of gold beneath that blustery façade. And Carson had been right, as soon as Rodney had gotten some food in him, he'd calmed considerably.

Imogene got up and headed around the table, looking to claim the chair Teyla had just slipped out of as Torren grew fussy. Teyla was pacing back and forth with her son, looking every bit as confused as Ronon about the third date chatter.

Imogene settled into the chair beside Elizabeth and leaned closer, holding her hand out and over her stomach. "May I?" She asked, before settling her palm down as Elizabeth nodded.

"How's this little one treating you anyway?" Imogene asked. "You look a little on the small side to me, I doubt it's twins. Maybe with the next pregnancy. Twins skip a generation you know."

"There are no twins in my family," Elizabeth said. And thank goodness. As much as she'd laughed at Rodney's moaning about the potential chaos John's child could cause, even she felt a flash of alarm at the thought of two identical Sheppard babies wreaking havoc. Especially if that meant child number two and three came at the same time, and not long after the first. The sheer numbers alone made it an overwhelming thought.

"Mine either," John said.

"Of course there are." Imogene's hazel eyes carried a trace of sadness. "Your daddy was a twin."

Some of the humor faded from John's eyes, but he just smiled indulgently at his aunt. "I think I'd know if my father was a twin."

Imogene seemed to suddenly remember the crowd of eyes focused on her. There wasn't a body at the table whose attention wasn't pinned expectantly on her. "Yes, you're right, John. If your father was a twin, you should have known." She glanced down at the delicate watch on her wrist. "Lordy me, is that the time? My car will be here any minute." She stood up before casting her eyes back towards Ronon. "You seem like a strapping young fellow. Be a dear and help an old lady with her bags?"

Elizabeth wasn't sure why she would have expected Ronon to be gruff or surly, except that tended to be the mans' resting face and demeanor. He seemed…amused with Imogene and the corners of his eyes crinkled when he silently rose and trailed behind her. There wasn't much that could make Ronon look small, but next to John's aunt he seemed like a giant, completely contrasting with the petite woman and her creamy skin and stark white hair. Her hair had been up in a dignified chignon the night before, but now it was down, unexpectedly falling almost to her shoulders, cut in a crisp bob, making her seem more youthful than her eighty odd years. She was quite lovely, actually. Elizabeth bet she must have been quite the heart breaker back in her day.

"Ronon, you're still recovering from your injury. Let me get her bags." Carson shoved back from the table.

"I got it, Carson." John had already caught up to them. He patted Ronon's shoulder. "Go finish eating, Chewie. Make sure Rodney finishes, too. We don't want a grumpy boy on our hands all day."

"He's eaten plenty already." Ronon frowned as Rodney heaped another serving of food onto his plate.

"I have an active metabolism, you know." Rodney's tone was almost cheery as he shoveled in another bite of the stuffed French toast.

After everyone finished eating, most of their guests had retreated either to the family room or back upstairs to freshen up. John and Ronon were outside on the deck, waiting with Imogene for the car service that was due to pick her up.

Elizabeth was making a cup of decaf when Imogene peered back into the kitchen. She smiled when she found Elizabeth inside. "Goodbye, dearie. You take care of that little one for me," she said as she stepped closer, reaching to hug Elizabeth.

"Before you go, Imogene, what you said earlier about John's father. You didn't say you were wrong, you just confirmed that John was right, that he should have known if his father was a twin." It hadn't been far from her mind since those words had slipped from Imogene's mouth.

Imogene looked uncharacteristically hesitant. "I was hoping to catch John by himself before I went. I know this bunch is his friends, probably as close to family as he's had for a while, but I didn't want to air our family's dirty laundry out for all to hear."

"So, it's true." Elizabeth hadn't really braced herself for that. She'd expected Imogene to say she'd gotten temporarily confused, though she should have known better. The tiny lady was sharp as a tack. "I don't understand it. I can see Patrick not telling John, but wouldn't his mother-"

"I'm not convinced his momma knew," she said, letting out a soft, sad little sigh. "She never mentioned it to me and we were close. But you know us southerners and our family trees. We can be a little obsessive about filling in those blanks and John's daddy's side of the family was a blank, so I got to digging." She turned back to Elizabeth and patted her arm. "I'll have to do your family next, I'm kind of a genealogy buff. Our family has a long and illustrious history. Some of it's pretty juicy too."

Elizabeth could only imagine. "How did you find out Patrick was a twin?"

"Oh. Well, that's easy enough. I used to do it the old fashioned way, libraries, archives, you know, but now one of the girls at my church has me set up on that world wide web. I use one of those ancestry websites."

In any other context the thought of Imogene plucking away at the keyboard with her nose pressed against the computer monitor would have brought a laugh.

"And you found a birth certificate?" Or a death certificate. If Patrick did have a twin, there had to be a reason John and Dave didn't know about it and it couldn't be good.

"Oh, heavens no. I had my investigator pull that for me, but I did find the family history. It had been plugged in by some distant cousin. I wrote to her, because, well, I'm nosy and have a lot of spare time on my hands. She had some old letters from Paul, that was his name, that he'd sent to his grandpappy. Paul joined the Air Force, like John, and his father was none too happy about it. He was new money, self-made and he'd groomed those boys to take over his business since they were knee high to a grasshopper."

Sounded eerily familiar. As Elizabeth digested her words, the silence of the kitchen pervaded her thoughts, only it wasn't as quiet as it should have been. Someone had joined them, someone whose breath was falling ragged and harsh. When her eyes looked beyond Imogene, they locked onto John's stormy eyes. _Shit._ She wasn't sure how long he'd been there, but it had been long enough.

She drew in a deep, bracing breath, faltering only momentarily before continuing. "What happened to Paul?" She held John's eyes as she spoke to Imogene.

Imogene had no idea John was behind her and she didn't mince words. "Tragic, really. He was so young. Not even out of flight school, but there was an engine failure and-"

The door slammed behind John as he bolted out of the house. When Imogene and Elizabeth reached the French doors, John was already halfway across the yard, undoubtedly heading towards the dock.

"Go." Imogene nudged softly. "And give him my love if I'm gone before he's ready to talk. He knows where to find me when he's ready."

They weren't the only ones standing by the door. Shadow had started whining, a low keening sound, the moment John had left him behind. As soon as she opened it, Shadow darted out, thundering towards John.

Ronon was still on the deck, his watchful eyes tracking John as he moved onto the dock. "He okay?" Ronon asked.

"No," Elizabeth said, gently patting his arm as she stepped passed him. "But he will be."

Once he got past the shock, he might even be better than okay. The news Imogene had delivered…it was like the missing piece of a puzzle John had been struggling to solve since he'd been a teen and unwilling to embrace the life his father laid before him.

The air was still cool and the remaining wisps of fog were burning off the lake in the morning sun. Elizabeth was glad she'd pulled a sweater on over her sundress before going downstairs for breakfast, but now she wished she'd had the foresight to pull on some shoes as well. Her bare feet hit the cool, dewy grass and she shivered, more from the gooey feel of the lawn, than the cold.

The yard almost seemed to be an optical illusion, absent of all signs of both weddings, save for the trampled portions of grass. The vendors had worked into the wee hours of the morning breaking everything down and packing it away. It was almost mind-bending. If it wasn't for the ring on her finger, it almost could have been a dream.

She paused at the entrance to the dock and leaned against one of the support beams. John was sitting at the swimming platform at the end of the dock, his bare feet dangling over the edge. His palms were braced on either side against the dock and his head hung heavy. Shadow had plopped down beside him, resting his head in John's lap. It was uncanny how animals always seemed to know when their humans were suffering. Normally by now, Shadow would have been relentlessly nudging tennis balls towards John, encouraging him to play.

She had no doubt John already realized she was there. Even without Shadow's appearance, he would have known, but she wanted to give him a minute longer before she intruded on his thoughts. He surprised her by glancing back and slightly bobbing his head to the side, gesturing for her to come closer.

She went to his side and sat down, dangling her feet off the dock alongside him. The fog seemed almost comforting at that moment. A soft, filmy blanket that paired well with their somber mood. She didn't need to ask what John was thinking, feeling. She just reached for his hand and twined their fingers together.

After minutes of silence, John squeezed her hand and glanced towards her. "So, I think I'm going to make Rodney try wakeboarding."

"What?" She edged back in shock, laughter unexpectedly bubbling within her chest. This wasn't the time for laughter, but as she glanced back at John, she could see the near pleading look in his eyes. He wasn't ready to talk. "You sure you want Rodney near the boat? We'll be scrubbing off his homemade sunscreen for weeks."

John's eyes crinkled. "Maybe I'll teach Ronon to drive the boat and I'll wakeboard."

"That sounds more like it," she said, watching the humor fade away from his face. They sat in silence for a few more minutes before she spoke again. "You're nothing like him, you know."

"Rodney or Ronon?"

"Your father." His head hung heavy again and she mentally admonished herself for circling back so quickly. "We don't have to talk about it now, John."

"But, we have to talk about it eventually. You'll make me, right?" A faint smile tugged at his lips, spurring a wave of confusion in her. "That's how I know I'll never turn out like him," he continued. "You won't let me."

Her heart turned over at his words. "You won't let yourself, John, but if you're ever struggling… no. We won't let you," her voice wavered as she pulled his palm over her stomach. "You're not the only one having talks with our son, you know."

His lips curved into a deeper, lopsided smile. "I'm not even going to ask what you're telling him."

"That's probably for the better," she teased.

John laid back on the deck and raked his hands through his hair. Shadow crawled up beside him and started lapping at his face as John sputtered in surprise.

Elizabeth laughed. "Shadow says he's here for you, too."

"He has an interesting way of showing it." John sat back up, swiping his arm against his mouth. "I could do without the dog slobber in my mouth."

John's words only made her laugh harder. Her hand fell onto the side of her stomach, bracing herself as her body shook.

He pulled his legs up and swiveled around, leaning towards her. His eyes were full of mischievous intent. "Let's see how you like the taste of dog slobber."

As his mouth descended towards hers, she shoved lightly against his chest. "Stop it," she more laughed than protested.

John redoubled his efforts and she shoved harder, not realizing how close he was to the edge of the dock. Suddenly John disappeared. In his place came a wave of water splashing up from the lake below.

She leaned over the dock spotting his waterlogged form bobbing in the water. He was laughing, that was good, but he had a wicked gleam in his eyes….and that was bad. He reached up and grabbed her hips before she could even think about running. When he tugged, her body tilted forward and her baby weight, centered front and low, sealed her doom. She pitched forward, into John's arms and into the chilly water. She shrieked when the cool water surrounded her skin and squealed again when John turned them, working them into deeper waters.

"I can't believe you just did that," she was still laughing when his lips crashed down against hers.

"What?" He looked pleased with himself as he pulled away. "Gave you a dog slobbery kiss?"

"Pulled me in the water. It's cold, John." It was feeling better by the second, though the waterlogged clothes would never allow for complete comfort.

"You started it and, besides, the water feels great." He pulled her legs around his waist, before encircling her with his arms. "Come here."

She started to instantly warm. Being in the water felt great, it alleviated the pull of the baby weight on her back. She coiled her arms around his neck. "Going back to the beach will be great, but it will be good to come back home again. I like swimming with you."

"It'll be better without all these clothes." John pointed out, a heated look in his eyes.

She was pretty sure he wasn't just talking about wearing bathing suits either. "I like swimming at night, too."

He growled, a low rumbling noise that stoked a different kind of heat deep within her. His lips were on hers before she could warn him voices were growing louder. It sounded like all of their guests had found their way onto the dock, but as his tongue plunged deeper into her mouth she remembered his hearing was better than hers, he had to know they were there.

"Is this what it's going to be like all day with you?" Rodney's voice wasn't nearly as petulant as his words. In fact, his tone was about as happy as Rodney's voice ever sounded.

John's mouth dropped to her neck, his lips brushing fiery hot against her cold skin, before he pulled away and started working them back towards the shore. There was a ladder on the swimming platform, but she wouldn't have wanted to try it with her beach ball sized stomach in the way. Goosebumps ruptured on her skin the instant she stood up and the breeze struck her water chilled skin.

Jennifer was the only one of their guests not in jeans. She was in cut-offs, a tee, and she kicked off her flip flops as she waded into the lake, meeting them in the water and handing them both beach towels. "Helen sent us down."

Bless that women. Elizabeth peeled of her drenched sweater and gratefully wrapped the towel around her. She glanced over at John. At least he'd been wearing cargo shorts instead of jeans, but the drenched fabric was putting his belt to the test.

"You heading into change?" John asked. "I'm going to talk to the others, see if they want to head out on the lake."

"Wakeboarding?" She smiled, using the towel to push back wet strands of hair that had matted to her face.

"That's the idea." Whether it was the wet and wild hair, his drenched clothes, or the tropical towel loosely draped about his arms, when he grinned back at her, her heart fluttered appreciatively in response.

"I'll come over for a minute, I want to see the look on Rodney's face when he realizes what you want to do."

Jennifer followed as they trudged back onto the deck where the rest of their guests were waiting and laughing at their waterlogged forms.

Teyla and Kanaan settled into a pair of chairs, passing Torren back and forth between them. Jennifer moved towards Rodney, who'd sat down on a bench in the deck's seating area. Carson was just steps away, standing at the edge of the swimming platform, his eyes casting a longing gaze out over the glassy water. The fog had burned away and sun danced off the water like a crystalline light show. It wasn't hard to imagine what he was thinking about.

As she watched Carson, the chill was that easing from her skin started pelting like hail against her heart.

"John." She tugged on his towel until he tilted his head towards her. "It's Sunday," she whispered as her eyes darted to Carson and back.

His face clouded over and he cursed almost inaudibly in response. The both stood frozen for a moment, blatantly staring at their friend remembering one particularly dark Sunday, probably the last one they'd all had off from work at the same time.

"Carson," John finally called, sounding casual, though his muscles were rigid muscles beneath her fingers. "You up for some fishing today?"

"Fishing? I'd love to." Carson's eyes were bright when he turned back from the lake.

Rodney startled, but recovered at record speed, quickly masking the tortured look that had flashed through his eyes. "I want to go fishing," he said earnestly.

"You do? Are you serious, Rodney?" Carson looked surprised and delighted.

"We all do." Ronon used his foot to shove off the support beam he'd been leaning on. He stepped forward and patted Carson's shoulder almost a little too vigorously. Ronon reached back out to steady him as he wobbled. "Sorry, doc."

Elizabeth turned away, catching Teyla's damp eyes in the process. Tears instantly sprang unbidden to her own. Teyla just nodded in silent support from across the deck as Elizabeth tried to discreetly wipe her eyes.

John had been concerned about springing guests unexpectedly on her, but at that moment, it was one of the best gifts anyone could have given her. That memory was like a raw nerve for them all, but maybe today they could make new memories to dull the sharpness of that pain.

v~v~v~

Hours later, Elizabeth and Jennifer headed for the pool, Shadow trotting along at their side. Elizabeth would have joined them on the boat had John not gone all caveman again, all but carrying her up the stairs and insisting she get some rest. Considering she didn't remember her head hitting the pillow, she had to grudgingly admit that, once again, he'd been right.

The men were still out on the lake, probably doing a better job of catching a buzz from the cooler of beer they hauled onto the boat than they were at catching fish. Everyone except Carson that was, he'd declared himself the designated driver. He'd been adorably enthusiastic when he'd taken the helm of the boat. Jennifer and Amelia had been thorough when they'd taken their friends shopping. Not only had they bought clothes for the wedding and more casual clothes for the day after, they'd apparently been tipped off about the lake and pool because all the men had changed into board shorts before heading out on the water.

With them gone, it had become almost too quiet around the estate. Kate Heightmeyer had picked up Teyla and her family earlier, taking them to tour the horse sanctuary before heading over to a local park she thought Torren would like. They were planning to pick Aiden up on the way back so he could join them for dinner.

"It is gorgeous here, Elizabeth. I feel like I'm at some fancy resort." Jennifer sighed happily as she stretched out on one of the poolside chase lounges.

Shadow laid down in the shade of Elizabeth's chair. She hesitated only a moment before slipping out of her cover-up. It was warm and the men were nowhere in sight. If there was anyone she could trust to be at ease in her bikini clad presence, it would be her friend and doctor.

"Look at you, you're a sexy mama." Jennifer laughed as she tugged off her own cover-up.

Elizabeth almost cringed to see Jennifer had on a one-piece bathing suit. Here she was, more years older than she cared to count and eight months pregnant, and she was the one in a bikini?

"Sorry, I shouldn't have said that." Jennifer had grown pale. "Too familiar? Maybe? I don't know. You're not my boss anymore, but you kind of are, I'm-"

"Jennifer," Elizabeth was laughing now. The young woman's nervous chattering had put her entirely back at ease. "I should be thanking you for saying that. It's not easy to bare this much skin on a normal day, much less when you're eight months pregnant."

Jennifer visibly relaxed and her smile widened. "Well, it's the truth. You look great. More women should feel proud of how they look when they're pregnant. It's an amazing thing."

That it was. Elizabeth pulled on her straw hat before liberally dosing her pale skin with sunblock. They'd each brought books down to the pool and Elizabeth pulled hers out, figuring she could read until the sunblock dried and she could get in the pool. The words on the page blurred together in her still sleepy eyes and the warmth of the sun quickly lulled her into a trance. Moments later, Elizabeth gave up and just let her heavy eyes fall shut.

Later, she was roused as cool water splashed against her legs.

"Sorry!" Jennifer called from the pool and Elizabeth realized she'd splashed her on purpose. "But you've been asleep almost an hour, I didn't remember if you'd put on sunscreen or not."

Elizabeth laughed on the contrite look on Jennifer's face. "I did, but I'm glad you woke me. I wanted to swim, not sunbathe." She put her book on the table next to her chair and quickly made her way into the pool.

"This is heaven, Elizabeth."

It was hard to disagree. The water was cool, refreshing against the summer sun without being shockingly chilly. Jennifer climbed out of the water and returned to her chair as Elizabeth floated around. Shadow ran back and forth on the pool deck, tracking her movement. Sometimes Shadow would jump in, but without a tennis ball in sight, it was hard to tempt him.

She stayed in the water until her fingers started getting pruny. Instead of returning to her chair, she perched at the edge of the pool, letting her legs dangle into the cool water, while Shadow settled in beside her.

"Did you hear something?" Jennifer asked.

Suddenly Shadow gave a happy bark as John came trotting out from behind the pool house. He paused only long enough to reach back and pull off his shirt, tossing it to the side along with his sunglasses. Before she could even throw up her hands to shield her eyes, John dove into the pool, covering her with a light wave of water.

She heard the rest of their voices before she could see them. As she blinked the water away, she kicked, trying to splash John in retaliation. He deftly cut back through the water, stilling her legs as he grasped hold of her knees. He stood up in the pool, settling in between her legs as he leaned towards her, dropping a quick kiss on her cheek. Shadow gave another soft, happy bark and John reached out to pet him while the dogs tail thumped happily in response.

"Whoa." Rodney gasped. His mouth gaped as he stared at Elizabeth. Rodney and Ronon were standing at the edge of the pool, Carson working his way up behind them.

John craned his head back and glared at Rodney."Stop staring at her chest, McKay."

"What are you talking about? Did you see her stomach?" The look on Rodney's face was far from a lecherous gaze. His expression was a cross between horrified and outright disgusted.

"Rodney, time to dial the sensitivity up a notch." John's eyes narrowed.

"Oh my god, it's like watching the movie Alien." Rodney shielded his eyes. "It's like something is trying to punch its way out."

Elizabeth glanced back imploringly at Jennifer who read her mind and immediately tossed the cover-up her way. The baby had been quite active that afternoon. Rodney's description was apt, whether it was a fist or elbow, the baby was jabbing from beneath the surface.

"Ronon." John was still glaring at Rodney, but Ronon immediately translated John's unspoken request. All it took was one open palmed shove to Rodney's shoulder and he was tumbling head first into the pool. "Thanks, buddy." John's glare instantly gave way to a wide grin.

"Don't mention it," Ronon said, looking entirely too pleased with himself.

Rodney came up spewing. "What the hell-"

"Oh, Rodney. Just shut up, will you?" Carson laughed. "It's been a great afternoon, don't going ruining it with your bloody mouth now."

"Hey-"

"We need to feed him again." John swiped a hand through his wet spiky locks. "How about you? We need to feed you too?" He turned back as she took off her straw hat and pulled the cover up on.

"I'm good." Elizabeth smiled, because how could she not smile? She was staring at one of her all-time favorite sights. Her bare chested husband wearing only his low slung board shorts. Husband, she thought, grinning even wider. It hadn't even been a full twenty-four hours. Funny how easily it flowed from her mouth.

"You make me sound like a pet. Or a child." Rodney complained as he rolled out of the pool, collapsing on his back on the pool deck. Jennifer tossed a beach towel his way and it landed on his head. They could barely hear his answering, "Thanks."

"I have some power bars, Rodney." Jennifer dug through her bag. Rodney perked at that and sat up, pushing aside the towel, and reaching to grab the bottle of water and power bar that she passed over.

He smiled happily as he ripped the corner of the wrapper and bit off a mouthful. "Mmm. My favorite."

"He's good training for our own kids," John laughed.

"I can hear you." Rodney mumbled through his mouthful of food.

There was a giant splash as Ronon jumped sideways into the pool. He came up with a huge grin on his face. It wasn't often they got to see Ronon's playful side, but hopefully it was something they would see more of in the future. He certainly had been smiling a lot the night before, usually when his gaze had been directed towards Amelia.

"Ronon!" Jennifer frowned. "You shouldn't be swimming; your wound could get infected."

"I put a water tight dressing on it, but you should still take it easy, Ronon," Carson reminded as he settled sideways onto a lounge chair, flashing a megawatt smile towards them all. "You should see the fish we caught, I can't believe our luck. We're going to have a feast for dinner."

"He looks happy," Elizabeth whispered towards John. Carson looked more than happy, the look on his face warmed Elizabeth's heart.

"He's not the only one." John's eyes held her captive, reminding her of another reason, granted a far, far less important reason, this Sunday was an antidote to the other not far from their minds.

While life in Atlantis had never made love a walk among the roses, the weeks leading up to that tragedy had all but undone their relationship. There had been surreal arguments with Caldwell about whales, coronal mass ejections and, of course- his favorite point contention- John. She'd still been reeling when Rodney gained the ability to read minds after he'd come up on the wrong side of the ascension machine. If Rodney hadn't known about their relationship before, it had been a rude awakening then, though he'd certainly covered well. Then John had almost killed himself -again- after they'd discovered the old space station on a distant moon. It had been too much. She'd overreacted, pushed John away, and somehow ended up kissing someone else, all trying to convince herself of…hell, she still didn't know. Stress had a strange way of manifesting itself at times and it had wormed its way into her mind like a poison leaving everything one hot convoluted mess.

John startled her from her thoughts as his fingers brushed against her face. He tucked a strand of her wet hair behind her ear, before leaning in so close she could feel his breath fall hot against her skin. "I'm happy you put on the cover-up."

"You're happy I covered up the bikini you insisted I buy?"

"I'm still a sick bastard who things my pregnant wife is pretty damn hot and I don't…" His voice trailed off as he kissed beneath her ear.

"You don't like sharing the view?" She teased.

"As a matter of fact, no. I don't." He straightened and his eyes drifted down to her chest. It probably wasn't as covered as he'd like with its low v-shaped neckline. His eyes finally flicked back up to meet hers. "You know I don't play nice when it comes to sharing you."

John still didn't know all the details of how her time had been spent that other Sunday, but he knew enough. After Carson's death, it hadn't mattered. Nothing she'd done, none of her stupid excuses they shouldn't be together. He'd been waiting for her when she'd gone back to her quarters, their quarters, and they'd only required one of those soul penetrating looks to cast those weeks apart aside.

Something shifted in eyes as if he'd been reading her mind. "Mine." His voice rumbled deep and low, sending a bolt of need straight down to her core. Her arms looped around his neck as his lips crashed against hers.

"Is it getting hotter out here?" Rodney asked.

"Damn it," John muttered as their lips tore apart, and they shared a guilty little smile. It probably shouldn't be so difficult to remember they weren't alone.

Ronon smacked the water with his big open palm, sending a wave of droplets crashing over Rodney. "There. Better?"

"Thanks." Rodney tone dripped with sarcasm.

Jennifer laughed. "There is definitely some heat coming from our honeymooners."

Rodney wiped the water from his eyes and shook his head. "I thought it was bad enough when their eyes were like magnets, now their whole bodies are glued together."

The heat they were joking about went straight to Elizabeth's cheeks as John chuckled softly. She realized her legs had crossed behind John's waist and she let them float back down towards the pool wall. She edged slightly back from John, hoping she wouldn't be as tempted to keep kissing him. It was unlikely, especially if he kept looking at her like that.

He closed the gap she'd put between them, leaning forward and tucking his face back to her ear. "We can come back tonight after they leave."

"Swimming?" She asked. "Sounds great."

"I was thinking something more in the lines of skinny dipping."

It was a good thing they were poolside because she was melting into a puddle of want beneath his hands and fiery gaze. "Even better." She finally answered.

v~v~v~v

Their guests had been gone just long enough for them to retreat to their bedroom to change. Bathing suits were necessary, if only temporarily. Swimming was still the plan. Late night, swathed in moonlight. She'd never had a home with a private pool and it seemed a decadent indulgence to have such a luxury all to themselves.

The tone had shifted after dinner when they'd settled in by the bonfire. Their guests seemed happy, relaxed, but despite all the laughter they'd shared, she'd felt the tension coiling just beneath John's skin. They'd clung to each other, fueling their friends desire to tease them. It was better that way, better their friends hadn't suspected it wasn't just the euphoria of honeymoon anticipation drawing them together. They'd each seemed to need the other's touch, that constant contact, and quiet reassurance they found in each other arms.

Elizabeth walked out of the bathroom and her footsteps stalled when she spotted John. His hands were clasped behind his head and he stood frozen before the open French doors, staring beyond the balcony to the inky lake below.

As if feeling her stare, he slowly turned, grasping behind his head for his shirt and peeling it off as he moved. He tossed it aside before raising his gaze to meet hers. When their eyes collided, the words she'd gathered stalled on her lips. Her heart rate spiked a notch with each step he strode towards her.

The past twenty-four hours had been a riotous mix of ups and downs. Their wedding. A heart wrenching family secret. The time with their friends had been fantastic, but clouded with sobering memories. As the night stretched on, the pressure of that intense ebb and flow had pushed at the limits of their hearts. Just like on Atlantis when the air had become too charged and the pressure too intense, they stumbled towards each other seeking release.

He reached for her, drawing her hand to his mouth before pressing his lips to the soft flesh beneath her wrist. The contrast of his stormy eyes and tender touch hinted at another reason he was immersing himself in her that night. Recent years had taught them this kind of happy was fleeting and the past week hadn't been any ordinary kind of happy. It had been pure joy, more intense than any she'd ever experienced before. Sometimes it felt like she was in a bubble somewhere on the outside looking in. Those surreal moments made her feel like she was floating. It was uncomfortable, unsettling, and it always sparked a flash of panic, before she had to grasp for proof that the moment was real. In reaching for her now, he may have been seeking that same proof.

His eyes stroked over her bikini clad body. His eyes were cloudy, but she could read passion there. Deep and undeniable. As he released her arm, he circled behind her, his industrious fingers freeing her of the swim top in seconds. Her breathing ground to a halt as his body molded up behind hers. She could feel the flex his muscles when he somehow pulled her even closer back against his chest. She hummed appreciatively in response. It always felt good within his arms, but when there was this much bare skin touching, she reached a whole different realm of rapture.

As she pushed back against him, he buried his head against her neck, breathing deep as his hands dropped down to her hips. Every nerve ending in her body jerked to attention as his palms slid up her sides, his fingers brushing along the side of her breasts. As much as she ached for more of everything he was willing to give her, she felt a searing need to see him, touch him.

A groan of protest formed deep in his throat when she pulled out of his hands, turning within the circle of his arms. The groan became a more appreciative rumble when her hands fell to his waistband, her fingers working quickly until the rest of his clothes fell away.

She straightened, expecting to hear some teasing banter about her breaking a naked rule. Instead, his hand grasped behind her head and pulled until his mouth crashed hard against hers and… _damn._ It shouldn't be possible to come undone from a kiss, but then again, it was no simple kiss. He used his teeth and tongue and lips until not a single nerve ending in her body wasn't clambering for more. He walked her backwards as they kissed. Every swipe of his tongue sent tingles darting down her spine, every caress of his hand further stoking the heat coiling within. When the back of her legs struck the bed, only her nails digging into his back kept her from falling.

"John." She gasped when their lips finally parted as much from the look in his eyes as from her need for air. His eyes were a tempestuous boil of too many contrasting emotions converging together. "We should talk about this morning." She more panted than spoke the words.

He shook his head. "Not yet. Not tonight."

She sucked in her breath as he prowled after her as she worked her way back onto the bed. There was definitely more than want driving him towards her. He might not be ready to talk, but the threads of their love tethered them together and he needed her to anchor him, ground him, as much as he needed anything else that night.

His fingers fell to her bikini bottoms, but she held his hands away. He liked being in control, liked setting the pace. Usually, that was a good thing because the second his hands and lips went to work on her skin her cognitive abilities scrambled and it was too easy to let him ravish her into abandon. Not tonight, she'd decided. He let her prod him onto his back as she shifted to a kneeling position above him with her hands on his shoulders.

His hips jutted up against her, inciting a riot of sparks behind her eyes. "Need you."

He hadn't said those words often, but each time he did something in her chest became unbearably tight and that was the only thing that kept her from grinding her hips instinctively back against his. Before she'd known John, she'd thought expressing that kind of need was a weakness. She would have never admitted to needing anything, much less anybody. Because of him, she gained a new appreciation for that need and the strength it took to convey it.

She carefully held his eyes as she leaned forward, resting her palm over his heart. "You've got me," she said, knowing it would take more than words. It would probably take more than a lifetime to prove how indelibly he was stamped onto her soul. Still, the erratic beat of his heart started to calm as she rested there, braced on her knees above him. Slowly his eyes started to clear until there was nothing left but the heat of raw love and want.

"You planning to make me beg?" His expression had softened and while he didn't sound opposed to that idea, that's not what she wanted.

"No begging. Not tonight." Tonight, she wanted him to unravel thread by thread along with her. She wanted him to lose control long before the tidal wave of release pushed him over that cliff. She wanted him to let the world around them fall away and to accept from her as much as she always received from him. And when they were done, they could collapse together, sharing the same blissed out, soul sating haze.

His hands reached behind her, lightly stroking up from the back of her legs, over her rear, until finally circling back to her front to loosely cup her breasts. He must have seen there was more she'd left unsaid, because instead of giving into his instincts and taking control, he stayed on his back beneath her. It wasn't a turning over of a workload, it was more a token of his trust.

"Show me what you need," he said, his voice a sultry low whisper.

And… _damn._ With those five words, he'd turned the tables right back against her. Focusing on his need had become her own… and he knew it. She blinked down at him at him wondering if that was part of the magic between them. They each wanted to give the other everything.

His breathing had grown ragged as she held him pinned down with nothing more than her gaze.

"Show me," he repeated, his gravelly voice more insistent this time.

A scorching heat rolled off his skin as her fingers finally moved, stroking over his chest. Maybe the heat was more from the look in his eyes, but she wasn't sure. It didn't matter. Nothing did except bridging every particle of space remaining between them.

~TBC

A/N: Thanks for reading and for commenting! I hope you enjoyed…and that you want a little more. :)


	28. Chapter 28

_~The rating has moved to M for this chapter. More for the sheer quantity of adult situations than the explicit nature of them. It's not smut (sorry, lol), but it's a honeymoon, people.;) I tried to update the rating for the entire story on the site, but it's been a bit glitchy this week. I'm pretty sure new chapter alerts didn't go out either, so I'm glad you found your way here. Hope you enjoy!_

 _Monday…_

The room was silent except for the fast, rhythmic, thumping that pulsed through the air.

John's jaw went slack as the image appeared on the small screen. His body had stilled, and Elizabeth wasn't sure he was even breathing, making own somewhat labored in response.

She squeezed his hand. "Are you okay?"

His forehead furrowed and there was a wondrous look in his eyes that brought a lump to her throat.

The doctor's voice had stalled, probably realizing she'd lost them both. John was completely engrossed by the image of the ultrasound and Elizabeth was enraptured by his response.

"That's the heartbeat?" John swallowed hard when the doctor confirmed. "It sounds too fast."

"Babies are small. Their hearts beat much faster than grown adults." Dr. Andrews smiled warmly at him.

Since she'd captured their attention again, the doctor started pointing out things on the screen. It had been necessary for the early ultrasounds, Elizabeth hadn't had any idea what she'd been looking at then, but now, you could easily make out the baby. Each little arm and leg, even the tiny fingers and toes. And on his head…"Is that his hair?"

"I didn't think you knew the sex of the baby," her doctor murmured and moved to make a notation on her chart. "But yes, that is his hair. He has quite a bit of it." The doctor moved back towards the monitor and pointed towards the mass of hair. Whether it was due to the amniotic fluid or the luck of genetics, the baby's hair was standing up in a shock of fine, tiny spikes.

"Dave's going to aggravate the hell out of me for that hair." John's body had completely relaxed, and a wide smile stretched across his face. He pointed towards near the baby's legs. "Is that..."

"Part of the umbilical cord. He's too coiled up right now to check out the family jewels." Dr. Andrews laughed when she spotted Elizabeth's face, which was probably a hearty mix of the humor and horror she was feeling. "Cut him some slack. He made it longer than most fathers before they ask."

John shrugged casually towards as if saying, see, it's just a man thing.

"I'm glad you were finally able to join Elizabeth." Her doctor continued. "You're lucky, you know. We don't usually do ultrasounds at this stage of the pregnancy, but since she had a tough first trimester, we've been keeping a closer eye on her."

John's eyes darted back to Elizabeth's, and she sighed softly. "I'm fine, John. Ask her."

"She's better than fine; things couldn't look better. In fact, I think we should go ahead and schedule your appointments for the next three weeks."

"Three weeks will be past my due date." Elizabeth blinked in confusion.

"At this stage, I need to see you once a week, and the baby doesn't seem to be in any hurry. You haven't started to dilate, so we'll just keep an eye on things. We can talk about inducing if you go past your due date, but I wouldn't recommend it, especially since you want to have a natural birth. Sometimes when we induce, the mother's report being a bit more uncomfortable as they labor."

A shock of fear struck her heart. Atlantis was scheduled to leave just days after her due date. "What do you mean if I go past my due date? Is that possible?" All her life she'd heard her mother tell the story of her birth, a birth that had happened several weeks too early. It had never even occurred to Elizabeth that she could go past her own. Then again, maybe it had, and she kept stuffing it down along with the implications. "I won't be in town after my due date."

"Are you going somewhere?" The doctor frowned.

"No. She isn't." John's voice was hard and firm, just like his expression. His hand slipped from her grasp as he crossed his arms and stared down at her.

Elizabeth edged back in surprise. "I don't need your permission." She'd traveled with the expedition the first time it left Earth; there wasn't a chance in hell she'd forgo the journey the second time around.

There was a pained look in his eyes. "I can't fly…I can't do what I need to if you are there. You know why. Don't ask me to do that."

He was never going to forget what happened the last time he'd flown Atlantis with her aboard.

She reached up and pulled his hand back into her grasp. "That was in no way your fault," she firmly reminded, stroking her thumb against their twined fingers

"Maybe. Maybe not." The vein in his neck pulsed hard. "I still have to live with it." His words were almost inaudible.

Her eyes pressed shut, and she paused for a moment. A feeling of nausea she hadn't felt since her first trimester washed over her. She hadn't realized John carried that much conflict over what had happened, but that wasn't a something they could resolve here and now, maybe ever, knowing John. As for her going back with Atlantis, though…

"Why haven't you said anything before?" She asked as her eyes flicked back open.

"I've tried to talk to you about planning out our time. Repeatedly. I thought you were avoiding it because you knew how I felt about the trip back."

It felt like the air had been sucked from the room as they stared at each other, locked in impasse.

Again, maybe she had known. She didn't have to dig very deep inside to know John wouldn't be thrilled with it, but she'd never expected him to object this vehemently.

The doctor's voice cut the silence. "You're military, right? Are you deployed overseas?"

"Something like that," John answered. His eyes stayed locked on Elizabeth's.

"Okay. So you probably already know Elizabeth shouldn't fly commercial. If she went with you, would it be military transport?"

"Something like that," Elizabeth dully echoed.

"Will there be medical personnel onboard?" The doctor asked.

"Yes," they answered simultaneously. John's voice was flat, while Elizabeth's tone was emphatic and optimistic.

"Is it dangerous trip?" Dr. Andrews pressed on. "Dangerous where you'll be going?"

Neither of them answered, and for a long moment, only the sound of their child's beating heart filled the room.

Elizabeth finally broke the silence. "It will be fine."

John's eyes darkened. "You don't know that. Even if we get there without incident, what if there are complications with the delivery or afterward? You're the strongest person I know, but even you're not invincible."

"I'm acutely aware of that." She watched the fight drain away from his expression as regret sank in over his choice of words. "And you're in no position to lecture me," she added. "Want to talk about your lofty ideals of invincibility?"

"Hey-"

"John. It's my job too," she reminded.

"A job you've done remotely for the better part of two years." His voice had softened. "You don't have to be there, at least not for the trip back. You know it could get..." John's eyes darted to the doctor and back. "Maybe we should talk about this later."

She pinched the bridge of her nose and sucked in a deep breath. "I'm sure she's heard couples argue over far less important things." The remark about invincibility had been a below the belt kind of hit, but she knew he regretted his words the second they'd slipped out. It was telling of just how much the thought of her being aboard Atlantis for the return bothered John. "We're fine. Really." She directed towards the doctor.

And they were. John had never shied away from conflict with her. He provoked her, intentionally at times to crack the veneer of her control and unintentionally at times just by being himself. He had few filters, and when he'd get worked up, everything tended to tumble out the second he thought or felt them.

She much preferred the kind of passion and conviction expressed as they argued to the pained, polite disagreements and chilly silences she'd endured in previous relationships. And if they ever stopped arguing, she'd probably worry something wasn't right with them. It wouldn't happen every day, but they were going to argue, and that wasn't a bad thing. While she never enjoyed it, it was somewhat a gage of the health of their relationship.

"I don't think I've ever had a couple make it to delivery without having a disagreement in my office," Dr. Andrews agreed. "Usually over less important things, like in-laws and who should be the delivery room. It's good that you let it out, it's not healthy to keep it all bottled up."

"We're good like that," John said, still holding the lock on Elizabeth's eyes. "She has no problem letting me know if I'm being an ass and she has no problem being a pain in mine. Hey." He edged back when she swatted at him. "Usually only when you're not taking care of yourself, you know, not eating or sleeping enough."

She was wide-eyed shaking her head and giving him her best, please shut the hell up fast glare. Did he have to go there with her doctor?

"I'm eating and sleeping plenty. Tell her." Elizabeth was starting to feel like the child in the room, caught between them both trying to get them to convince the other she was healthy and behaving.

"Even so, Elizabeth, I have to advise you against that kind of travel. At least until after the delivery and even then I'd wait until the baby is at least six months old." The doctor paused for a moment as she shut off the ultrasound. "If John is active duty, I'm not sure how much time he'll be able to dedicate to the kind of support you'll need. What if he is working when you go into labor? And after? You'll need family, friends around you who can help. And, if you or the baby need it, we have access to some of the world's best medical facilities and practitioners here in D.C."

Six months? Her heart constricted painfully. After the past eight, the doctor had no idea what she was asking of her. As she concentrated on drawing in deep breaths, the medicinally smell of the exam room started to overwhelm her. Elizabeth finally ripped her eyes away from John. She accepted the towel Dr. Andrews passed over and swabbed the goo off her belly.

"I'm sorry, I know that's not what you wanted to hear today, but it's better you prepare yourself now." The doctor moved towards the door. "We can talk more next week. Did you have any questions? Anything else you wanted to discuss today?" There was a flash of sadness in her doctor's eyes when Elizabeth nodded numbly in return. "Call me if you need anything."

When the doctor left the room, Elizabeth quickly redressed. John's silence was almost as chilling as the doctor's advice. A shiver ran down her spine, and goosebumps ruptured on her skin as the noise in the room dwindled down to the sound of their ragged breaths. She rubbed her temple, wondering when the room had become so bright.

John followed as she moved out of the room and headed towards the exit at the fastest pace she could manage. He paused as they passed the reception desk. "Don't you need to make appointments?"

Her body was all out trembling now, and ice had filled her veins. She could only shake her head no in response. She couldn't speak to John, much less anyone else. Her heart was pounding in her ears as she rushed out the door.

"The car is the other way." He took her elbow, but she pulled out of his grasp.

Her lungs couldn't seem to draw in enough air. "I can't get in the car yet."

"Damn it, Elizabeth." John had to trot to catch up with her. "Just because you are mad-"

"Not mad. Upset." Her eyes raced around the area. "I just…I need to sit. Fresh air." She hadn't recognized the early signs of the panic attack in time, and it had gotten its hooks into her. She just needed to sit and breathe and concentrate on warding it off before it took complete hold.

John's eyes fell to her chest. It was heaving as she struggled for air. He took her shaking hand, his fingers closing around her wrist as he checked her pulse. His lips pressed together, and he started walking, steering them both onto a nearby playground and settling her into a swing.

He squatted down before her, his hands rubbing down her arms. He was talking, but she couldn't make out his words. The city sounds were too loud. Sirens and horns and back-up alarms blared, and she pressed her eyes shut and covered her ears. She tried to clear her mind, but after she'd pushed all the offenders away, she was left only with the original trigger. Time apart. Six months. There was nothing in her arsenal to combat the effect of the pain of that kind of separation, a challenge she thought they'd finally cleared.

John's hands fell to her knees, his fingers a gentle reminder he was with her. Now anyway. Her heart rate spiked another notch at the thought.

"Open your eyes." John's hands tightened on her knees. "Look at me."

She blindly shook her head. She needed it quiet so she could calm her mind.

Her muscles tensed even more when she heard him curse softly. "Elizabeth, please." His hand reached up to cradle her face.

She forced her eyes open. Immediately she began to soak in the warmth of John's eyes and slowly the chill that had claimed her heart started to fade away. Without breaking their stare, his hand closed around her wrist again. A moment later, he released her seeming satisfied. "Getting better?"

She nodded. She had to be. Instead of feeling racing panic, she felt a wave of nauseating remorse for causing his concern. John adjusted, shifted from squatting to kneeling on one knee. She felt another pang of regret. His legs had to be killing him, but he stayed with her, more patient than she may have ever seen him.

"I'm okay. Really." Her tone did little to reinforce the message. She took another breath and tried again. "It wasn't bad." Her voice was less shaky that time.

He leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss against her stomach. She released her death grip on the swing and reached out, affectionately tousling his messy hair.

The chatter of little children cut the silence. John glanced over his shoulder, and they spotted a family with children heading towards the playground. "Come on." He stood up and reached to help her out of the swing. "Let's go home and pack. We can hit the road today and be at the Outer Banks in time for dinner and a moonlit stroll on the beach tonight. How's that sound?"

"Like a needed distraction," she breathed, tightening her grasp on his hand.

"We're going to figure this out, you know."

"I know." But she had a hard time believing the answer would be one she could easily accept.

 _Tuesday…_

Elizabeth was still yawning when she shoved out of bed and stretched. The nap was needed, but unwanted. Without her asking, John had laid down with her, holding her until she'd fallen asleep. And despite the rocky start they'd had to the week, her sleep had been sound and her dreams sweet.

The beach rental John had found was perfect. It wasn't fancy. The exterior weathered, the interior quirky, though recently remodeled. The furniture was warm and inviting, and the walls dotted with original paintings completed by the home's owner. A discrete notation in their welcome letter had indicated the artwork was available for purchase and she was eyeing one she thought might be the perfect memento. The huge deck that led directly onto the sandy beach was her favorite part of the beach house. When the tide was high, they could feel the gentle spray from the water lapping against the shore.

As she moved into the living room, the rays of the afternoon sun slanted warmly through the sliding doors which had stayed closed, trapping in the blissfully cool air. After the mild D.C. weather, the full force of the Southern summer heat had been almost a shock to the system.

She'd expected to find the house empty. John had talked about driving into town to pick up a few things, but she spotted him perched on a stool at the kitchen, frowning as he stared down at his laptop.

"That's a pretty serious look on your face. Do I need to define honeymoon for you?" She glanced over John's shoulder. He'd been reviewing the most recent report from Atlantis. Unbelievably, repairs were coming along right on schedule, and the timeline had been locked in. She rested her hands on his shoulders and kneaded gently, not surprised to find his muscles tense. "We may be worrying for nothing. We only have to worry if I go past my due date."

John shut the computer and swiveled in the bar stool to face her. "You heard the doc. She said no travel for six months."

"Dr. Andrews is assuming we'll be in the Middle East. She doesn't know how capable our medical team is on Atlantis. You know they can take care of us."

"They're great, but they don't specialize on tiny babies." John's hand washed down over his face. His arms crossed and he turned his eyes back up towards her. "Okay. Say we deliver before Atlantis leaves, say the doctor gives a glowing bill of health to you both... and Carson signs off on all this, then I'd feel slightly better about you coming back to Pegasus, but even then I wouldn't want you making the trip back with us on Atlantis."

His words made her irrationally angry, though once she took a deep breath, she started seeing through the cloud of pregnancy hormones. What she was up against wasn't like the discrimination and challenges her friends had faced with their careers once they'd started having children. John had a valid concern. The Atlantis Expedition was anything but a staid working environment, and she could have been the poster child for the dangers associated with working in the Pegasus Galaxy. Still, Atlantis was more than just a job. It always had been, but now, her personal life was inextricably tethered into the fabric of her professional life. Nothing about this choice would come easy.

"Just hear me out, Elizabeth. I have an idea."

"What do you want me to do?" She asked as she rubbed her temple. "Take the Gate Bridge?" She wasn't sure she was ready to hear his thoughts, but he appeared to have given it more reflection than she.

John's expression immediately darkened. "I don't want you on the Gate Bridge until that thing has been running for months. They've rushed to get it back online. God only knows what kind of glitches they'll find when it goes operational."

She breathed through a fresh wave of frustration. "Then what? Sit in Colorado Springs waiting for you to come visit?" Maybe she should have taken a few more cleansing breaths. Her tone was sharper than she'd intended.

"We have ships. Most of the expedition is going back that way. You know that."

It had been her idea, something that didn't exactly help her case now. She'd thought it would be better if there were just a skeleton crew on Atlantis, just in case.

"You want me to go on the Daedalus? With our son?" Her heart lurched as he nodded. "And Caldwell?"

John blanched and drew in a deep breath of resignation. "It's the safest option."

She shook her head. "Caldwell won't like it." Neither did she.

"He already agreed to it."

Her mouth opened softly and she just stared at him. A memory flashed from earlier that morning. John had returned from his run on the beach before she'd finished her walk. When she'd stepped inside their beach rental, she'd heard John curse before flinging his phone onto the kitchen counter. He'd distracted her with a knee-weakening kiss before steering her into the shower to further distract her, a strategy that had been completely successful she now realized. "You were talking to him this morning? When I came in?"

He nodded and sighed heavily. "Carter gave me a heads up that he was at the SGC. I know we don't owe him anything, but I thought it was better that he hear it from me. About us, the baby."

As much as the IOA used to give them crap for operating in a very gray area, she wasn't sure many people realized how black and white John could be. Many things fell firmly into the category of just being the right thing to do, no matter what the cost to himself. He'd surprised her by calling Nancy, but it had been the right thing to do. Calling Caldwell, she grudgingly had to admit, was the right thing to do. Finding out the wrong way would have only stoked any remaining anger and it was long past time they all moved beyond that tension.

"He was probably still shocked and had no idea what he agreed to," she said.

"When I told him you were planning to go back, he offered, I didn't have to ask. I don't think he wants you on Atlantis any more than I do for that trip."

She took a step back from John, wondering if he understood how seriously bizarre this had all just become.

"I know." He stepped down from the stool. "And trust me, I don't like it. But for the first time, the fact he cared, cares, whatever. It's working in our favor."

"John-"

"Just…think about it." His arms coiled around her and his fingers trailed down her spine. "Let's see what the doc has to say at the next appointment. We can give Carson a call afterward, and we'll go from there."

When her muscles finally relaxed, he tilted her head up and tucked down to kiss her. His lips were warm, and his tongue was…icy cold?

She pulled back, licking her lips in surprise. "Chocolate ice cream?" She asked, noting a bowl next to his laptop.

"I went down to the market in town and picked up some stuff to grill out for dinner." His hands trailed through her hair, tucking the stray strands back and away from her lips. "Chocolate ice cream is still your favorite, isn't it? I know your pregnancy taste buds have gotten a little haywire, but chocolate seems to have stayed constant."

"Chocolate is good. Is there more?" She reached past him towards the bowl, but he tightened his grip.

There was a seductive gleam in his eyes as he tugged the back of her head, pulling her mouth back to his. "There's always more where that came from."

 _Wednesday…_

An hour after lunch, John had taken her hand, and she'd followed without complaint as he led her into the bedroom. She'd known before her feet started moving that once they reached the bed, her clothes would be staying while John wouldn't be. He was too usually too restless to nap with her. Her afternoon nap time had become his TV and email time.

Maybe it was the heat, but she didn't protest. She'd started looking forward to those little siestas. It would do her good to bank as much sleep as she could the next weeks. Once the baby came, sleep would be a precious luxury. When the baby came…

It was crazy to think she'd once been so worried about the baby coming early.

She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and reached over to the bedside table for her laptop, hoping to get through her emails before John realized she was awake. Honeymoon or not, emails from the foundation and Atlantis flowed in like a never-ending stream, and if she waited until they were back home, she'd probably never get entirely caught up.

Thirty minutes later, she shoved the laptop aside. The living room and kitchen were empty as she headed for the fridge and grabbed a handful of grapes and a cold bottle of water. She finished the grapes as she moved through the living room and headed outside.

Her footsteps stalled when her feet hit the weathered wood deck and she spotted John and Shadow stretched out in the huge hammock. Her cheeks stung as her grin spread wide. It seemed like each cell in her body seized up in a happy shrug before relaxing back to hum with pleasure. John was bare-chested, wearing only his board shorts. The straw hat she'd picked up at a beach side market rested on his face. At one point, it had probably shielded his skin from the sun, but now the top half of his body was in the shade.

She reached back inside, exchanging her bottle of water for the camera that rested on the nearby table. When she turned back, John's chest continued to rise and fall in a familiar rhythmic pattern of sleep. After snapping a few photos, she set the camera aside, not wanting even the camera lens between her and this view.

It was a simple thing, but seeing that man and his dog snuggled up together on the hammock made her heart happy. And she did mean his dog. After this week, she was about to concede defeat when it came to Shadow's loyalty, and she didn't mind, that much anyway. It was entirely too cute for her to stay upset about it.

John stretched, and a sleepy groan rumbled deep in his throat. He lifted the hat from his face, and a lopsided grin spread across his face when he found her staring. "Hey, babe."

His sleepy, gravelly voice probably shouldn't seem so sexy. Maybe the effect had been amplified since the words had rolled off his tongue mere seconds after that groan, a sound that was tantalizingly similar to sounds she usually only heard long after their clothes had hit the ground. Maybe it was because him calling her babe always stupidly made her heart roll over in an almost juvenile appreciation.

His eyes were twinkling as he tossed the straw hat aside before patting the space beside him. "Come here."

She eyed it suspiciously. It was a huge, family sized hammock, but she still hesitated.

"There's plenty of room, Elizabeth. Come on."

Gingerly, she eased herself down onto the swaying hammock. John's arm helped her stabilize as she settled in. His hand clasped the back of her head, and he pulled her closer, pressing his lips against her forehead. "That's better."

She relaxed and nestled against his side. "How long have you been out here?"

"Don't know. Took off my watch." The hammock swayed again as he shifted closer. His hands cupped the side of her face drawing her close until their lips meshed together.

He started to pull back, but her hand caught the back of his neck, holding his lips captive against hers. It had been hours since she'd had a decent kiss and she wanted to savor the feel of his lips. Based on the appreciative groan that rumbled deep in his throat, she was pretty sure he didn't mind, in fact, he seemed primed to capitalize on the opportunity for more. She could feel the hammock continue to sway as he shifted again, drawing them both onto their sides. She tightened her grip on his neck wanting him closer, wanting more of everything.

Just as her body was banking sleep, she wondered if subconsciously she was trying to reinforce the memory of his touch, his taste, and the way he felt within her arms. If the baby didn't come before Atlantis left and they ended up apart for six months...

Just the thought made her heart twist uncomfortably.

His touch warded off those plaguing worries and sent most of her thoughts scattering off on the breeze. His leg slid between her thighs just as his tongue slid into her mouth and this time it was her soft moan of appreciation that cut the silence. His hands started wandering about her skin, and God, it felt good, but it still wasn't enough. Since the doctor had conveyed her warning, it was never enough.

Air became something unimportant. Nothing seemed to matter beyond keeping his hands and lips on her body. And his hands…

"John." She'd intended to protest, but his name escaped as more of a moan when she pried her lips from his. His right hand had somehow maneuvered between their pinned bodies industriously finding its way down to her breast while his left had crept higher up her thigh, dragging her sundress along in the process.

She glanced down to the sandy shores of the beach. It was late afternoon, and most of the crowds had cleared out to get ready for dinner, but there were still a few stragglers left on the beach. None were close, however, and none were looking their way.

His mouth was on the column of her throat, kissing, licking, and nibbling as he worked his way down. The sensations invoked by his lips had an intoxicating impact on her brain. Instead of warning her about the people on the public beach, her mind seemed to say those people be damned…and her body was in complete agreement.

The hammock swayed more erratically as Shadow jumped down onto the porch, drawing her attention back to their surroundings.

"People. The beach. They can see us," she muttered as her brain struggled to grasp for reason.

John chuckled softly, the vibrations skittering over her sensitized skin. "I was starting to wonder how far you were going to let things go out here," he murmured as he dropped another kiss on her neck. "Thought I'd discovered a whole new side of my wife." He tugged the hem of her dress back down towards her knees.

"I didn't say you had to stop." She bit down on her lip and glanced up at him through her lashes.

More than his eyes flared as he considered her words, it felt like a wave of heat rolled off his body, heat that settled right between her thighs. She may have been teasing, but if he kept looking at her like that-

"You're too awake to have just woken up. You've been checking email, haven't you?" John's eyes narrowed. "What's wrong? You winced when I mentioned emails. Something happen with Atlantis?"

"Nothing with Atlantis. Nothing that can't wait."

"I want to know."

She was still panting as she stared back at him. Her whole body was jittering with anticipation, and he wanted to talk? Wasn't this a sensation only juvenile males experienced? It was absurd, surreal…and almost comically frustrating, especially considering his thumb was still casually running small circles around her breast.

"Okay." She shimmied her body away from his. "But I can't think while you're attached to me." She grudgingly pushed his hand away from her chest. "It wasn't just work." She hesitated only briefly before plowing on. "Your Aunt left me her email address, and we've been corresponding."

John was too relaxed for his body to react, but she hadn't missed the tightening of his eyes. She knew he still didn't want to talk about his father, but she'd been letting him slide for days.

"She sent some family tree info over." Elizabeth continued. "There might be some baby name contenders there."

"Such as…"

"I'll show you later. She sent something else." Elizabeth shifted slightly farther away as she grabbed and stilled his wandering hand. "She's been online again. She found some website that helps old high school classmates reconnect."

"Why do I get the feeling she's not the one taking a walk down memory lane?"

She sighed softly. "Between the website and her investigator, she tracked down your father's best friend from high school. His phone number is in the email. He's expecting your call. Imogene has already spoken to him. He was close friends with Paul and Patrick. He can help fill in the blanks."

His forehead furrowed. "What blanks? Seems clear enough to me. Dad was pissed because his brother didn't listen to their father and got himself killed. Dad was pissed at me for making the same mistake. End of story."

She was quiet for a moment before responding. "If that were true, your father would have told you. He would have used Paul's death as a deterrent to you joining the Air Force." He was silent, so she pushed on. "It was his brother, John, his twin brother. For Patrick to have buried his memory as he did, he must have been devastated by the loss."

"So my father was a jerk because he didn't want history to repeat itself? That's not good enough."

"I know that, and I think your father did too. At the end, when Patrick spoke of you, his eyes were full of regret. He wasn't happy with the state of your relationship. I'm just not sure he was capable of more."

"He was never like that with Dave." John's response came quickly.

"I have a feeling you probably reminded your father of Paul in more ways than one. It doesn't make it right, but it couldn't have been easy for him." She reached out, tracing along the side of his face with her finger. "You know you'll make that phone call one day. You should do it now instead of letting it weigh on your mind."

The corner of his lips twitched. "I feel like I'm getting a lecture, but I never said I wasn't going to call the guy. I want to talk to him."

"You do?"

"Don't forget that I'm smarter than I look." He released her hand and reached out to gently tug on a strand of her hair. "After the past eight months, I've learned to remember things aren't always what they appear to be. I want to hear what this guy has to say."

"Sorry." She hadn't given him enough credit, though when it came to family matters, logic was often hard to grasp. She shook her head. "I didn't mean-"

"To be a pain in my ass?" His eyes softened and the corner of his lips curved up. "Never apologize for that. I need someone who challenges my thick headed, stubborn ass."

She chuckled softly. "Just remember, I'm only a pain in your ass because I love you."

He stared at her for a long moment before leaning forward. Their lips melded together in a kiss that lingered and deepened, blazing hotter than the summer sun above them. Their lips didn't part until Shadow put his front paws on the side of the hammock, sending it rocking erratically from side to side.

"Settle down," John reached out and patted Shadow's head. "Think he got jealous you were getting all my attention."

She rolled her eyes at the smirk that claimed John's face. The smirk wasn't the only thing claiming his face. His skin had that almost too bronzy glow, the kind that would undoubtedly be red by nightfall.

"You're going to be sunburnt," she said, tracing a finger down his chest.

"Then you can rub aloe on me later." He fixed with her a soft, seductive grin that made her think, once again, people be damned.

Shadow settled down onto the deck with a huff that indicated he was hunkering back in for another nap. "How did you get Shadow in the hammock anyway?"

"I couldn't keep him out of it, not that I wanted to, but it did remind me that my wife still hasn't shared any of his commands."

Her laugh was deep and throaty. "You want a training class of your own?"

"I do now, especially if you plan on using that sultry tone of voice. It's sexy." He picked up her hand and pressed a kiss against the inside of her wrist without breaking their gaze.

"I'm not sure you'd be a good student," she murmured.

"You can punish me if I misbehave." He tucked his head and kissed her neck before nipping gently at her earlobe. "And I promise to misbehave."

 _Thursday…._

Elizabeth exited the eccentric shop that carried everything from art to shampoo, something she'd run out of just that morning. One hand grasped her purchases while the other shielded her eyes while she scanned the area around looking for John and Shadow.

They'd visited the Wright Brother's Monument that morning before having lunch at a casual oceanview restaurant. The restaurant had a great waterside deck, and the server had thoughtfully brought Shadow a dog bowl with water along with their drinks. Afterward, instead of heading for their beach rental, they'd gone for a walk, stumbling along this string of beachside shops.

She heard Shadow's happy bark and her head jerked back, spotting him and John as they emerged from the adjacent beach gear store. She peered behind them, catching sight of the no shirt, no shoes, no pets sign at the shop's entrance. Her eyes panned back to John. He had on a pair of leather flip flops, but his t-shirt was tucked in the back pocket of his cargo shorts.

When their steps brought them together, Shadow plopped down beside them happily thumping his tail in greeting.

She raised a brow towards John. "They let you in that store? With Shadow?"

"Yeah." John looked at her like she was crazy. "Why wouldn't they?"

"No shirt, the dog." She looked beyond John again and spotted a couple of perky young women behind the counter. "Never mind, I just found my answer."

He was oblivious to the undercurrent in her tone. "Look what I found." John tugged a tiny onesie out of the bag that said 'surfer dude'. He gave her a wide, lopsided grin and she couldn't help but smile in return.

"You must have broken their hearts," she murmured, thinking of the girls working at the store.

"What?" John asked as dug back into his shopping bag. "They gave Shadow a Frisbee, too."

He was going to love that. "So are we heading back to the beach house to break it in?" She asked.

John shook his head. "We're heading back to the beach house to hibernate until the temperature drops below ninety degrees. Then we'll let Shadow break in his new Frisbee."

"I didn't think the heat bothered you."

"It doesn't, but I can tell it's been bothering you." John cupped her chin. "You need to get some rest too. It was a late night and another early morning."

Their nights had been stretching deliciously long. They'd also been getting up early each morning to hit the beach. Not just to surf, though John had gotten his fair share of board time. John had also been running most mornings while she walked along the shore. She loved the beach in the early hours when it was deserted and serene. Shadow loved the beach at any hour of the day. He liked chasing the waves, running across the sand, and all the attention he received from the other beachgoers.

Her heart uncomfortably pitched as she looked down at him. She couldn't bear the thought of leaving Shadow behind for weeks at a time. She'd tried to convince O'Neill to let her bring a dog to Atlantis once before, and he'd shot her down cold. Maybe now, though.

~v~v~v~

When her eyes flicked open, it took her a moment to get her bearings. As her eyes adjusted to the light, she stretched, enjoying the sensation of waking up in John's arms. His fingers tread a lazy circuit, stroking through her hair and around her back. She wasn't completely within his arms, she realized. Her head nestled on a throw pillow in his lap and she was stretched out longways on the couch while he was sitting up, still wide awake and watching TV. She craned her neck back at him and smiled.

"Wireless headphones?"

John winked down at her as he slipped the headphones off his ears. "You said we'd work in some TV time. I had a feeling it would conflict with your nap schedule."

"I have a nap schedule?" She laughed.

"Of course, did I forget to tell you about it?" His lazy smile warmed her from the inside out.

"I have a feeling I would have remembered that." She'd stopped protesting the extra sleep days ago, though she much preferred that sleep when she was in his arms.

His fingers trailed down the line of her ribs, sending a shivery tickle racing down her spine. She slipped out of his grasp and scooted off the couch.

"Where are you going?" John called as she crossed the room.

"Bathroom. Then bath, I think." While her skin had since cooled from their post-lunch walk, she still felt sticky and grimy.

Minutes later, her new shampoo and conditioner rested at the edge of the tub, and some of her new body wash bubbled as the water rose in the deep tub. She stood before the mirror, pulling pins out from the messy updo that had helped keep her neck and shoulders cool earlier in the day. As her hands fell to her sundress, she spotted John in the doorway watching her in the mirror. His hands grasped the door frame above him as he leaned forward, the stance highlighting the enticing bulge of his arm muscles. It wasn't his muscled body that captured her attention, though, it was the look on his face as his eyes tracked her hands.

A long line of buttons ran the length of her sundress. She could have easily tugged the dress over her head, but instead, she reached for the buttons. Her pace was unhurried. She toyed with each button longer than necessary before unbuttoning them. As her fingers moved lower on her chest, she heard his sharp intake of air when it became apparent she wasn't wearing a bra. He looked up, meeting her gaze in the mirror. His eyes flared when he realized she'd been aware of his presence. Still, he didn't speak, and he didn't move closer. He just let his eyes drift back down her body, following in the wake of her hands. She bit down on the side of her lip and intentionally slowed her movements.

She couldn't peel her eyes away from the mirror to even check the level of her bath water. She was enraptured by the command she had on his attention and captivated by his body's response as he watched her. His eyes were heavy, his face flushed and the rise and fall of his chest became more prominent with each breath he took. Her fingers worked over the buttons covering her large expanse of stomach, and she could only marvel that at eight months pregnant John had somehow managed to make her feel more attractive than she ever had before.

She didn't feel even one shard of insecurity as she finally allowed the dress to slip off her shoulders and onto the floor. He sucked in his breath when she ran her hands down her sides before grasping the sides of her panties. She faltered when he licked his lips. It was only the reminder the water still running that forced her into motion again.

She shimmied out of her panties before glancing over her shoulder. "Seen enough?" She barely recognized her voice. It was low and throaty, fitting with her brazen aura. "Does this help?"

His hands raked through his hair as she slowly turned around before him. It wasn't often that she was able to keep a grasp on her mental faculties when he was around and she was naked, but this was another good reminder of why it was worth the effort. It was empowering to be able to tease him in such a manner. Not only that, watching his reaction stoked a heat deep within her, almost as intense as if his hands had been stroking over her instead of just his eyes. Maybe it was the thrill of anticipation, as he continued to hold himself apart silently watching and waiting for her to make the next move.

She glanced back as she moved towards the tub. Her laughter rolled out, a husky, sensual sound when she found him adjusting his pants. The water thankfully hadn't crested. It had just reached the perfect level as she stepped into the silky waters and turned off the flow.

She picked up her bath sponge and poured on a healthy dollop of her new body wash. "Are you just going to stand there and watch or are you going to join me?" The tub was huge. There was more than enough room for them both.

"I'm enjoying watching."

The gravelly drawl of his voice sent the heat within her spiraling down to pool between her legs. "Suit yourself," she murmured as she started slowly drawing the sponge up her arms. The second the sponge closed in on her breasts, he grasped at the hem of his shirt.

"Slowly." She called out, smiling softly as his eyes stretched in understanding. "Your turn."

His head cocked to the side, and a sly smile crossed his face. The flush deepened in his face, and for a moment she thought he was shying away from her proposition, but when his head turned back, his eyes gleamed with hunger. She started swiping the sponge around her chest.

"At least let me get my shirt off before you start that." John's voice was ragged. "I can't look away when your hands are-"

"Doing this?" She dropped the sponge and kept working the soap into her skin with just her fingers. She laughed when he cursed softly. "Fine. I'll behave." She fished the sponge back out of the sudsy water. "For a minute, anyway."

His shirt came off with a speed that was anything but slow, though she could hardly complain, her behavior had instigated that rapid response. He paused when his hand dropped to his belt, and her eyes darted back up to his face. Her breath caught when instead of finding a smirk plastered across his face, she only found his eyes dark and wanting.

"You realize that I'm not going to be able to get in that birthing tub with you now," he said.

She blinked in confusion. His words jerked her a bit out of the moment. "What?" The tub at the birthing center was designed to be large enough for a couple to be in together, something they'd already discussed.

He continued to undress as he spoke. "You look… _hot_ in the tub. All wet and steamy. I like it. A lot." He had shucked the last of his clothes and his naked form prominently reinforcing the validity of his words. "But I'm not sure your doctor will appreciate my response. That means a long untucked shirt and jeans, not a bare chest and thin board shorts."

"Then get out. Now." Elizabeth teased before laughing at the shocked expression that crossed his face. "I'm serious. Seeing you bare chested and in your board shorts is the closest thing to pain relief I'm getting when I'm in labor. You can't take that away."

John's expression relaxed, and the expected smirk finally spread over his face. "I thought you just wanted me in the tub for the pain relieving back rub."

"That too." Elizabeth scooted forward to make room as John settled into the tub behind her. "I find you useful in a variety of ways. Maybe you should start practicing the back rub part now."

"Give me that." John swiped the bath sponge from her hands and pulled her back against his chest. "We'll get around to the back rub later. I'd rather start by reminding you of some of the other ways it's useful to have me around."

She craned her head back when he pulled the sponge up to his nose and inhaled. "What is this?" He asked.

"I ran out of my regular body wash." She paused for a moment. "You said the smell of lilacs tormented you when I was away, so I thought maybe it was time for a new scent. Something not tied to any bad memories."

"It smells like vanilla and brown sugar, Elizabeth." The was a slight accusatorial tone to his voice.

She frowned. "You don't like it?"

"I love it. But now every time I smell a cookie I'm going to get hard."

She chuckled softly as she reached back and grasped a handful of his soft, spiky hair. "So many hard problems for one man to deal with," she said before tugging his face down towards her lips.

He was laughing when their lips brushed. "And they're all your fault."

"I'm pretty sure I can learn to live with the guilt." She nodded over towards the edge of the tub. "I have new shampoo, too. The same scent."

"Is that a hint? Back rub, hair wash, you got anything else on that honey-do list?"

She tugged on his hair again, urging his lips back towards her own. "Just me."

 _Friday…_

They'd just finished taking in the view from the vantage point atop a historic lighthouse, the third one they'd visited that week. John had teased her for her almost obsessive need to hike to the top of all three lighthouses that were open to the public on the Outer Banks, but she'd pressed on, despite her cumbersome, pregnant form. Yes, climbing all those stairs was good exercise and, yes, the views at the top were spectacular, but there was something beyond that driving her will and her footsteps.

She was drawn to the lighthouses. She romanticized them. They had been a beacon of light in their time, much the way she thought of Atlantis now. Light and hope. She had lost both for a while.

She'd been submerged in the quicksand of darkness when she'd first returned to Earth. It had taken her time to dig out from those trenches, but she had, and she'd done so with her own strength and on her own terms. When she'd opened her heart back to John, Atlantis had found its way back in as well. Both had managed to restore her hope and light.

The sound of giggling roused her from her thoughts as she and John descended the final steps and entered the lighthouse's gift shop. "Look at that little guy." Elizabeth pointed out a young child dressed as a pirate. "He's adorable," she said as the child's mother beamed at her.

"We've just been to the Pirate Cove Adventure. They dress all the little kids up like pirates and let them run around and play on the boat. He had a blast." The mother did a double take and darted away when she noticed her little pirate heading for a shelve of fragile collectibles.

John had a wide grin on his face as he watched the boy dart away from his mother and duck under a rack of souvenir t-shirts. "We should come back when our kid is older. I bet he'd love that."

As they slipped outside, she looked towards the ocean, shielding her eyes as the afternoon sun radiated off the azure waters. "You don't think our son will get enough adventure playing space pirate on Atlantis?"

John blustered at that. "Our son will be a space cowboy." His footsteps stalled as he tugged a baseball hat out of his back pocket.

"A space cowboy? Like you?" Elizabeth laughed as she paused beside him. "Sure you're not a gangster of love?" She asked, suddenly wondering why she couldn't remember statistics from Rodney's last report, but she could recall lyrics from a song released decades ago. She'd been too young when it was released to appreciate it at the time, but it had been one of those songs that had lingered on the airways through her college years.

"If that's your opinion, who am I to argue." John gave her a roguish grin as he settled the hat onto her head. "I've just always like saying space cowboy. The Joker is a great song."

"I wasn't entirely sure you weren't talking about Star Wars. If Ronon is Chewie, I figured that must make you Han Solo."

John's grin widened. "And what would that make Rodney?" His brows raised and she spotted the light challenge in his eyes. He had already defined his opinion on the matter, she realized.

He took her hand, and she glanced back at him as they moved into the parking lot. It was hard to concentrate with John's face on the verge of crumbling into laughter.

"He certainly has C3P0's…charm and penchant for rambling off gloomy statistics, but wasn't R2 the one who was always plugging into ships and computers to fix things?" She asked.

"Either way, that still makes Rodney a droid. Half of his team think he's inhuman anyway because he's a callous ass to them most of the time. Can you imagine if they started calling him that?"

She laughed, unable to suppress the mental image of Rodney as C3P0. "I can't believe you've never called him either name."

"Not out loud. But if he ever starts making you crazy, just picture him rambling on in C3P0's voice. It's a lot more fun than threatening him with a lemon."

She was still laughing. "Do you ever really threaten Rodney with a lemon?"

"You can see for yourself when we head back to Atlantis next week."

They were flying back to the SGC with Major Davis next week where a jumper would pick them up for the trip to Atlantis. They were planning to stay overnight this time if her headache remained under control. Carson thought the worst of the transitional effects of her acquiring the ATA gene had passed and he didn't expect her to experience anything a mild over the counter headache medicine wouldn't cure, medicine she'd grudgingly promised to take if needed.

"I can see what for myself?" She asked as they reached the Jeep.

"I'll let you undress me, and you can see what's stashed in my uniform." John's eyes popped suggestively.

"I'm very familiar with what's stashed in your uniform." She laughed huskily and rubbed a palm over the peak of her stomach. "I have proof."

A sinful smile crossed John's face. "Let's get you back to the beach house. Time to get you to bed."

Did he not realize how cruel it was to give her that kind of look before declaring it time for her to nap? Of course, in her current state, she was probably as far off the attractive spectrum as a person could be. She tugged the ball cap off her head and tried to comb through her messy curls with her fingers. It wasn't just the hat; she probably looked just as sticky and sweaty as she felt from the hike up the lighthouse stairs. She wasn't exactly dressed to the nines either; she'd hurriedly dressed that morning pulling on a borrowed t-shirt of Johns and a pair of denim cut-offs. Then there was the whole being eight months pregnant part.

"I'm not tired." Though maybe she was a little. It probably wasn't the most appropriate behavior for a pregnant woman of her age to be pouting because her husband didn't seem primed to jump her.

"I never said anything about sleeping." He swiped the hat from her hand settled it back atop her head. "Keep this on. You look hot."

"It is hot," Elizabeth frowned, feeling the soft trickle of sweat rolling down her spine.

"I didn't mean..." He sighed and gave an almost imperceptible shake of his head. His gravelly voice dropped, and she had to strain to hear his words. "I meant you look sexy _._ I like the short shorts and your Chuck Taylors."

She'd picked up the Chuck Taylors just that week after forgetting her tennis shoes back in Virginia. She probably never would have bought them, except they were the only athletic looking shoe in the beach store. They weren't as comfortable as they looked, but she liked them.

She looked up at John, probably grinning like an idiot as he resettled the hat on her head and tucked a few strands of hair behind her ear. She wasn't sure there was ever a time he didn't look hot, but when he was like this with her, so tender and gentle, it took sexy to a new level.

He cupped her chin and locked onto her with a fiery gaze. "If you keep looking at me like that, we're not going to make it out of the parking lot…and we don't have the doors or the top on the Jeep."

"You were the one who said you liked it hot," she reminded.

John's eyes flared as her hands slid down his side before crossing around to his back.

"Hot is one thing," he said, "but I'm pretty sure public indecency is still an arrestable offense, and the police are one kind of heat we don't need today."

She stretched up, tilting her head to the side before tucking her mouth closer and brushing a kiss beneath his ear. "Maybe I should have worn a sundress," she murmured, letting her hot breath hover over his ear as her hands delved into his back pockets and squeezed.

John cursed softly and abruptly pulled away. "Get in the car."

"What's wrong?" She laughed as he rolled his eyes and cocked his head to the side. He may have turned his head, but she could still see the sly smile that had crossed his face. He pulled down his shirt and adjusted his shorts before turning back to her.

He tugged on the brim of her hat. "It's starting to be more like what's up." His deep raspy voice sent tingles dancing out across her skin.

He helped her up into the Jeep before circling around to climb in the other side. "Tomorrow, we're putting the doors and soft top back on the Jeep before we go out."

She mulled that over for a minute, feeling her smile stretch wider across her face. "Or tomorrow we could just stay in bed. It's supposed to rain all day."

"No complaints from me." Instead of reaching for the seatbelt, he leaned to his side and reached for her, drawing their heads close together. "But just so we're clear, you never need an excuse if you want us to stay in bed all day."

"Maybe the fates are conspiring in our favor for a change," she said, wondering if he'd even have any idea what she meant. After Koyla's incursion, she dreaded the rain. It had taken years for her to regain an indifference. But now, a day of rain somehow seemed like a gift.

But of course, he understood. His eyes tightened almost imperceptibly in response. "It's about damn time." His lips claimed hers in a swift, but simmering kiss.

 _Saturday…_

Their bed was a mess. The fitted sheet was still attached, but the other covers were going in all directions. It made it easy for Elizabeth to drag her pillow to the foot of the bed and crawl back under the sheet. From this angle, she could look out the large window to see the beach and ocean beyond.

It had been a lazy, stormy day. Even the storms seemed lazy. The thunder had rumbled softly, almost soothingly, throughout the afternoon. The temperature had dropped, and the breeze drifted through the bedroom's open window allowing her to soak up the scent of the rich, salty air.

It hadn't been raining when they'd first woken. Instead of staying in bed all day, they'd taken a morning stroll on the beach before heading over to the fresh seafood market to pick up the last ingredient for the shrimp boil.

The rain had started before they'd returned to the beach house. John had put the sides and top back on the Jeep earlier that morning, but without an umbrella, they'd both ended up soaked. Neither had minded, though it had increased the growing pile of dirty clothes they'd accumulated. She'd thrown a load into the washer, only to discover an hour later the dryer had stopped working. The fates were working in their favor again, John had joked, claiming it was a sign it was meant to be a rainy and naked day in bed.

She hadn't disagreed.

Her back was to the bedroom door, but she heard his footsteps approaching. A puff of cool air pooled against her skin when he lifted the sheet and crawled into bed behind her.

"You're breaking your own naked rule," she murmured, feeling his clothed body tuck up tightly against her bare skin.

"The maintenance guy will be here soon to look at the dryer," he said before sweeping her curls to the side and kissing the back of her neck.

"Then I need to get dressed, too," she said, though she couldn't seem to will her muscles to move.

The lazy tone of the day had settled deep within her bones. As much as she needed to get dressed, it was hard to find the motivation to move, especially with John spooned up tight against her. Since they'd returned earlier that morning, her feet had hardly touched the floor. Lunch had been a make-shift picnic in bed. John had even nodded off to sleep along with her for a while that afternoon. And her body was still like mush from the last time his lips had made a fiery trek across her body.

"You don't need to do anything." He hadn't shaved that morning, and there was more scruff than normal scratching deliciously against her skin as his lips continued mapping a path down onto her back. "I'll meet the guy when he shows up. You rest. You've had a busy day." His laughter rumbled through his lips as they brushed between her shoulder blades.

A cascade of fiery darts shot down her spine…as if lighting the way for John's mouth to follow. Busy was an interesting word choice. Double entendre more like it.

She sighed a soft, happy sound. Every day should be such a day, she hazily considered as his lips continued down her spine awakening those often neglected nerves. John shifted lower, his movement dragging the sheet along with him. Goosebumps ruptured across her skin as her body laid between the cool breeze from the window and the wall of heat at her back. His fingers dusted along her ribs as his lips drifted lower.

They were expecting maintenance. She hadn't expected John's lips to linger, but he showed no signs of letting up. If anything each brush of his lips seemed to carry a more determined intent. With each stroke of his hands, she felt a more searing need to touch him. But she couldn't move. She felt boneless. She couldn't do anything except succumb to his touch and manage a few soft, breathy sounds of appreciation.

Something vibrated on the bedside table. "Phone." It was the only word her wavering voice could manage.

"Screw it," John's voice rasped deep. "Dry clothes are overrated."

A moan slipped through her lips when his mouth reached the small of her back. Screw it, her mind echoed his words. Dry clothes be damned. She never wanted him to stop touching her. Sparks flared behind her eyes when his open palm landed on her rear and he gently squeezed. He pulled his hand away before nipping her in the same spot. Her body pulsed from the intensity of so many contrasting sensations rolling against her skin.

His lips had just brushed her hip when the phone buzzed again spurring a strangled growl of frustration that rumbled deep in his throat. He abruptly pulled away and yanked the sheet back up to cover her bare expanse of skin. "You realize the window is wide open, right?" He asked, laughing softly.

Her heart jerked a little at his words, chipping away at her needy haze. She hadn't been paying attention to the window, or much of anything else after his lips first brushed against her body. Higher cognitive functioning had all but ceased when his mouth started trailing down her back. A rumble of thunder shook the beach house, and the panic cleared from her eyes. The storm. She'd almost forgotten.

Her frustrated nerves settled back into a state of stunted anticipation. "There's no one on the beach, John. And you pulled the covers off me."

"You're supposed to be the responsible one in this relationship," he said. "I might be laughing now, but I'll think it's anything but funny if anyone were to see you like this. When we're back on Atlantis, at least one of us needs to keep to keep a grip."

She craned her neck to look back at him. "I'm the responsible one who needs to keep you in line, but you don't want me on Atlantis for the trip back?"

His eyes narrowed. "That's different, and you know it. And I'm plenty responsible when I'm working. Not so much when my skin is contact with yours."

"You're not the only one who struggles with that." She rolled onto her opposite site to face him.

His phone buzzed again. John jerked upright and moved back to snatch it off the side table. "Damn it." Despite his words, he seemed almost amused by whatever he saw there.

"Is that the maintenance man?" She asked.

"It's my sister-in-law and my brother." John's eyes raised to hers, and he shot her a wry grin.

Weren't they supposed to be on their own honeymoon? "I didn't think their phones would work in Fiji," she said.

John stretched back out on the bed beside her. "They're back in L.A. for the weekend before the final flight home. I guess you told her about the doctor's visit?"

She gave a little shrug. Suzanne had a unique way of helping her shape perspective, something Elizabeth was struggling with in the wake of the doctor's advice. But why was Suzanne responding to John about it instead of her? "Why? What did she say?"

He shot Elizabeth a wicked grin. "She read that having lots of sex can help jump start labor."

"Are you serious?" Her whole body jolted like she'd just taken a double shot of espresso. Did that mean they should stop? Though they were far enough along for her to deliver, her due date was just a week and a half away.

"It's not scientific fact, but she says she's read it often enough that she figures there must be something there. I didn't know they were trying to have kids right away, did you? She seems to know more about all this stuff than we do."

Elizabeth just nodded in confirmation. "Give me your phone." She reached to grab it, but he held it up and away from her.

"I already told her we had it covered."

There were more colorful ways he could have phrased that response; she had to give him credit for at least reigning in those juvenile male tendencies a bit. Or had he? "Then why don't you want me to see your phone?"

He looked instantly guilty. Uncomfortable even. Just like the time she'd discovered he and McKay had been playing what they thought was an ancient computer game, only to find out they'd thrust two very real villages headfirst into civil war.

"What could you have possibly been talking to Suzanne about that would make you look so uncomfortable?" Had her friend been recommending positions again? Elizabeth almost laughed at the thought.

"Well…" John scratched absentmindedly at his chin. "I may have insulted her for doubting I already had that under control."

That sounded closer to what she'd expect John to say. She couldn't stop her chuckle of laughter as she propped up on her elbow. "When did this text conversation start?"

"A few minutes ago. I thought you were still asleep. Anyway, she blamed the doubt on Dave, so I told her to remind my brother I knocked up my wife before he did his."

She didn't doubt she was getting the colorful truth now. "Someone is lighting up your phone, so that must not have gone over well," she said.

"It's just Dave giving me crap. He said I didn't technically knock up my wife because we weren't married then."

The phone buzzed again, and he frowned as he stared down at the screen. "Now he's saying he can knock up his wife first." His whole face was scrunched in concentration when he glanced back at Elizabeth. "How soon can we try for another?"

She stared at him for a long moment. Was he really pulling her into a conversation about which brother could knock up their wife faster? They were talking about her and her best friend. Pregnancy hormones must be messing with her brain again because she probably ought to be at least pretending to be a bit ticked off. In reality, she was finding it all more amusing than she cared to admit.

"I hope you're kidding." Elizabeth's eyes stretched at the earnest expression on his face. "You're serious?"

"Why not? I can probably still knock my wife up faster than him. That would be great. I'd never let him hear the end of it."

Laughter rolled through her body. She was starting to feel like she was on one of those practical joke television shows. Most likely, she was just getting a glimpse at what she had missed growing up without siblings.

"You were the one who said we couldn't wait too long," John was still serious as he reminded her. "The doctor said-"

"Yes, I know. Don't remind me," she said, reaching out to lightly jab at his ribs. "And let's not talk about the age of my ovaries while we're still on our honeymoon."

His face relaxed back into a wide smile at her words. "You're not saying no to trying again soon."

"I'm saying you're crazy-"

Someone started pounding on the front door, cutting off the rest of her retort.

"Must be maintenance. Stay put; I'll take care of it. We can finish talking about your ovaries later." John chuckled softly as he pressed a kiss against her forehead before shoving off the bed.

He secured the door behind him, but Elizabeth wasn't taking any chances of accidental exposure. She made her way to her feet and towards the little bedroom closet. John might have been scraping the bottom of his bag, but she still had clothes that were both dry and clean. She pulled out a long, stretchy sundress and waddled towards the bathroom to try to make herself presentable.

Not even five minutes had passed when she opened the bedroom door. The living room was quiet except for the low thrumming noise of their dryer running.

"He already fixed it?" She asked as her eyes panned the room. John was in the deep, overstuffed armchair that he'd pulled over in front of the open sliding glass doors.

"It was just a fuse. Took him all of a minute to switch it out." He peered back over his shoulder and waved her over.

Shadow rested at the foot of the chair. She stepped over the pooch and allowed John to pull her onto his lap. She snuggled sideways managing to shift most of her rear- and weight- off him as he draped her legs across his lap. Shadow's tail thumped contentedly on the floor beneath them.

"Shadow didn't bark when maintenance arrived." She looked up at John's face. "What did you do?"

He had that familiar, guilty look again. "I called Blaze yesterday when you were asleep."

"And he just shared all of Shadow's commands with you?"

"Well, not at first, but when I told him you were too busy eating and sleeping-"

Her mouth opened softly. "You didn't." She wasn't sure what was harder to believe, that John had called Blaze or that Blaze had shared all of Shadow's commands. She would have gotten around to sharing them with John….eventually.

John laughed, but his expression turned proud as he glanced down at the pooch. "You know, even off a leash, he never runs off. The door has been open for hours, and he's never tried to make a break for it."

"He's always been like that, that's not from training. Shadow's smart. He knows who his people are."

John's fingers combed through her hair. "You going to talk to O'Neill about him? See if you can bring him with you?"

"You mean bring him with _us_?" She challenged, not yet conceding defeat on her plans to travel on Atlantis.

"We're not going down that road, not until we see the doctor again. We agreed."

That, most likely, would be all they agreed to. She didn't see John changing his mind, and she still didn't want to back down. And again, this was all only if the baby came before Atlantis departed…she didn't even want to think about if the baby came after.

She sighed and reached back for him, resting her hand on his chest. "I'm going to talk to Jack."

The rain picked up outside, but the slight overhang of the roof kept the water from blowing in, even with the open doors.

"You getting hungry yet?" He asked as his hand roamed over her stomach.

"A little bit." She smiled as she pulled his hand up higher on her stomach. "He's been jabbing me about right here. Fist or elbow, I don't know, but he's getting stronger."

"That's my boy."

Her eyes widened. "And your boy is beating me up from the inside out. Maybe you should have another talk with him."

"Maybe I will." His eyes crinkled as he smiled at her. "So what all did my Aunt send over? You said something about baby name contenders."

"Some seemed very…Southern. Nash, Wyatt, Mason, Weston. I came across those a lot in the family tree."

"What else?"

"I looked up the meaning of a few. Two of them came from the word sea. Morgan and Dylan."

He perked up a bit when she mentioned the word sea. "Morgan seems like a girl's name."

"Speaking of women's names, I've been thinking about your mother's."

His eyes narrowed a bit. "Jessica?"

"There's always Jesse, I suppose. That works for a boy too. But, I was thinking about her maiden name."

"MacKenzie?" His brows furrowed. "That's more of a girl's name, too."

"I thought if we went with Kyle for the first name, maybe Mack for the middle? That's kind of a tough guy name, and it would be a way for you to include a family name."

His head tilted away, blocking her view of his eyes. He didn't respond, and she wasn't sure if he either hated the idea…or if she'd struck a nerve. He didn't like talking about his mother any more than he liked talking about his father, though for vastly different reasons. "You could still call him Kai," she rambled on. "I know you like that, and the nickname would work with Kyle. We'd still get that water reference."

Her nerves grew jittery as the silence stretched.

"John, if you don't-"

Within a blink of an eye, he turned back, almost crushing her as his arms tightened around her while he silenced her with his lips. He relaxed his grip a moment later, and his head dropped. He stared down as his hand moved back to stroke along the side of her stomach. "We're going to have a son."

Her heart skittered at the wondrous look in his eyes, almost as if it was all seeming real to him for the very first time.

"What gave it away?" She teased. "My beach ball sized stomach?"

John's eyes rolled. "We've been going non-stop since I found out about the baby. Shopping, putting together his room, traveling. Getting married," he added as his eyes flicked up to meet hers. "Today has been the longest stretch of downtime we've had." He paused and raked his hand through his hair. "Seeing the ultrasound and hearing the heartbeat was cool and all, but it was kind of surreal. Maybe it was hearing you say that name. It seems…right. It made everything feel real."

"Real in a good way? Or real as in what the hell was I thinking when I asked my wife how soon we could have another one?"

He gave a little snort of laughter at that. "Real in a good way. I still want more kids, sooner rather than later. And not just to torment my brother."

"I know." She cupped the side of his face, pulling him into another kiss.

John broke away laughing when her stomach growled. "No wonder Kai is using your insides as a punching bag. Maybe he's as hungry as you."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't work that way, John." But she was smiling when he somehow maneuvered them both out of the chair.

"Come keep me company," he said as he steered her towards a stool at the counter. "Let's get dinner going."

Her forehead furrowed. "I've seen the recipe. Even I can help prep and throw all the ingredients in the pot."

"I never said you couldn't, but if we don't keep the kitchen counter between us, I'm pretty sure we're going to miss dinner." He dropped a fast kiss to her cheek before moving into the kitchen, leaving her smiling stupidly in his wake.

~v~v~v~

The moon wasn't full, but it still cast enough light to help them see in the night. The rain had finally stopped, and the clouds had moved out.

After dinner, they'd toweled off the hammock before throwing one of the spare blankets over it and climbing on top. The beach had been deserted. The earlier storms had driven the crowds away leaving only the sound of the crashing waves and cicadas singing in the distance.

She was on her side, her head resting against his shoulder as he stared up at the sky. Goosebumps ruptured on her skin. Though the storms had passed, the night air felt crisp compared to the heat of the days before.

"It's still strange to see these constellations," John said as he pulled their other blanket up and around their arms.

"I miss the constellations of the Pegasus Galaxy."

"You'll see them soon enough." John's hand rubbed along her stomach. "Little guy seems to have settled down. We need to come back here with him one day."

"I'd like that," she said, easily picturing John on the beach with Shadow and their son. The image in her mind tugged at the corners of her lips and made her heart smile.

It was their last night in the Outer Banks. It wasn't like they were returning to work the next day, they were just going home, but she still felt that nagging, achy pull of not wanting it to end.

"Thank you for finding this place," she leaned into him, brushing her lips against his neck. "It was perfect."

"You don't need to thank me. I think it's kind of a mandatory thing for a husband to do. I probably should be the one thanking you."

That caught her off guard. "Thank me? What for?"

He inhaled before blowing out a deep breath. "For more things than I can remember."

Her heart clenched. "I love you, John. That's the only thing you need to worry about remembering." She pulled her head off his shoulder so she could see his face.

It felt like the air crackled when their eyes locked.

"I love you, too."

Those words rolling off his tongue always did wicked things to her heart. Her body shuddered as she drank in the love radiating from his eyes. With each deafening beat of her heart, she could feel the pulsing waves of love cycling between them. All together it was intoxicating, and still she thirsted for more.

She reached out, trailing her fingers along his jaw until their mouths melded together. It was ridiculous how good his lips felt against hers. Her fingers sank into his hair, and she gripped lightly. As their light kiss lingered and turned more urgent, her nerves started to sizzle. They never had completely calmed after John had kissed a path down her spine that afternoon and now they surged back to alertness with a vengeance, spiking up her levels of want at near record speed.

And want she did. She wanted their kiss to deepen, she wanted to taste him, and she wanted one of those all-consuming kisses that made her toes curl. Her nails scratched against his scalp as she sucked his bottom lip into her mouth. A growl rolled deep in his throat as his lips parted. She only had one second to feel smug over his response. The arm she'd been laying on slithered out from beneath her, and he inserted it somewhat awkwardly between them. Awkward, yet strategic, she realized as his palm closed around her breast.

Suddenly his tongue was swirling around hers, just as his thumb started brushing small circles around her breast. It felt like the world was swaying around her, though she dimly recognized it was the hammock swaying beneath her as John shifted more onto his side. The toe-curling kiss was just the tip of her want wish list, something John seemed to have already recognized. His other hand was busy under the blanket, hiking up the long skirt of her dress as his fingers blazed up her leg with surprising speed.

It was almost déjà vu. Almost a repeat of the other afternoon, but this time they had the dark of night and a blanket to tuck them away from prying eyes. And tonight he wasn't idly teasing or wondering how far she'd let things go with them in this somewhat public location. Tonight, she was almost certain he wouldn't find the will to pull away. That knowledge gave her a heady confidence, amplifying all her wants and needs while drowning out everything else.

He made a strangled noise as his hand skimmed across her bare hip. His lips tore away as he jerked back and fixed her with a penetrating gaze.

"All my panties were in the dryer," she explained, feeling a rare smirk of her own threaten her face.

His eyes smoldered. "How the hell did I not realize you were going commando all night?"

"You were too busy ogling my huge pregnancy boobs." And it was no wonder. She hadn't worn a bra either.

The corners of his lips twitched, but he otherwise stayed frozen and staring over at her in lusty delight.

As much as she loved soaking up the heat emanating from his wanting eyes, she wasn't patient enough to linger within his stare. She reached down between them, ready to urge his hand back into motion. He grunted when her hands brushed against his crotch. It was a raspy, sexy sound….a sound she desperately wanted to hear again. Her hand moved again, intentionally stroking against his hardness. He sucked in a harsh breath, a sound that somehow seemed even more sensual than the one that had slipped before.

Her breathing faltered. She relished times like this. The times when his pupils were blown, and his breath fell in harsh pants, all before their clothes had even hit the ground. Her hands darted towards his belt, wanting to free him, wanting to hear the sounds he'd make when her hand stroked against him without the barriers of clothing between them.

A tortured growl rose in his throat when she stroked him again before reaching for his belt.

"Not yet." He caught her hand, pushing it back to her side and ignoring her whimper of protest. "I need to touch you."

More than her toes curled from his words and the fire in his eyes. A raging heat coiled deep in her belly. If he would have already been touching her, she probably would have shattered at that moment.

"John. Someone could see-"

"I don't give a damn."

There was something wanton about it. She felt an almost scandalous empowerment as she realized she didn't give a damn either.

She had only ever been this unguarded with him. When they were together like this…it was the only time she ever truly shed the shell of the person was supposed to be and the mirage of who the world perceived her to be. With him… she just was. A woman. Lover. Through his love, now a wife and soon a mother. She wanted to celebrate that, celebrate _them_ and the best way she could think to do that was to let the world fall away as they took this moment to indulge in each other.

This time when their lips crashed together, his tongue plunged right into her mouth, teasing her with the pattern he knew she wanted his hand to follow. His palm glided back down to her knee before his hand rapidly reversed course. Her breath hitched as his fingers skimmed back up her inner thigh. Fireworks erupted behind her eyes when he brushed against her clit. As his fingers circled, sensations rocked through her body, sensations so powerful, it seemed she could hear the fireworks exploding in the air above her

A ragged cry of protest tore from her throat when John's fingers stalled, and his hand abruptly skidded back to her thigh. Her eyes flashed open, finding his head raised towards the sky. She tracked his eyes, discovering very real fireworks painting the sky with their colored sparks of light. New explosions of color erupted each second as they watched. She tilted her chin up to get a better glimpse of the sky; a movement John immediately interpreted to be an invitation. His mouth greedily plastered itself against her neck, licking and biting and sucking her sensitive skin.

"You're going to leave a mark," she whispered, before biting back a moan that would have negated her already weak protest.

He paused for a moment, his breath falling hot against her neck. "Tell me to stop and I will." His voice was ragged, and she wasn't even touching him. That sent a whole new surge of electricity rocketing through her veins.

"God, no." She wasn't sure if the word stop would halt his mouth or stop everything, but either way, she wasn't about to risk losing even one of the sensations that were steadily overwhelming her senses. The top of her sundress was bunched about her waist. The hammock had swayed continuously, but it skittered more erratically as John shifted lower, his mouth continually moving closer to his hand that had stayed tantalizingly in motion on her chest.

It was his other hand that her body was most focused on. It had been frustratingly still on her thigh. Her breathing had ground almost to a halt as she waited with aching anticipation.

"Fate's sending us another message." John's voice was muffled against her skin. "The fireworks."

It was like his words all struck her brain all at the same time and in no particular order. Had he been asking her something or telling her something? His lips kept hungrily returning to her skin in between his sentences, and her mind couldn't begin to focus or make sense of his words once his thumb started rubbing along the apex of her thigh. "What? I can see the fireworks," she gasped, arching into his touch silently urging his fingers closer.

"I know you can see them." His voice was a sinful whisper as his fingers stroked back over her clit. "But, I'm going to make you feel them."

~TBC

A/N: In my defense, it was the honeymoon. It kind of had to be frisky. Hopefully, I mixed enough heart and humor in with the heat. I hope you enjoyed! Thanks for continuing to follow and thanks to all who have taken the time to leave reviews.

So this chapter _... So. Many. Words_. I tried. My eyes may be permanently crossed. Please forgive my mistakes.

The next chapter will probably be more like three weeks in coming, instead of the two I've been managing. I usually have the next chapter outlined at this point, but it's still a murky mix in my mind, so we'll see how it goes. Just know it is coming…and that it will most likely be the last chapter. For a while, anyway. I still plan to update it a few more times this year to get a glimpse of their lives years down the road.


	29. Chapter 29

_One year later, Atlantis..._

Elizabeth stood in the control room, strumming her fingers along the side of Chuck's workstation as she waited for the data burst to be processed. She was expecting a status update from the foundation's development team and she was anxious to see if everything was on schedule.

"Carson told everyone about the foundation and the clinic he worked at while we were on Earth." Chuck glanced up at her. "It sounds like you're doing great things. The whole crew's been talking about it, especially the military personnel. I don't know if anyone has ever mentioned it to you, but it means a lot to them."

That tugged at her heart. Only a few crew members had said anything and they had all been medical personnel she'd known Carson had shared his experience with. "The foundation is important to me. John, too. And we've opened two more clinics in the past year. We're still expanding our services."

Elizabeth was proud of all they'd accomplished. She was still shaping the foundation's scope of services and directing future growth, but Suzanne was overseeing the day to day operations. Suzanne may have been a lawyer by training, but her energy had been wasted in that field. The foundation was thriving under her care.

Kai climbed up into one of the control room's office chairs. "Mama." He smiled proudly and gave her a little wave.

She smiled and waved in return.

Not surprisingly, her son had been born with an adventurous spirit. Walking was already boring for him, now he wanted to climb everything.

Kai had taken his first steps at nine months and now, at a year old, he was moving faster than she'd ever dreamed possible. He was the very image of his father. Same messy hair, same hazel eyes, and, as Dave liked to say, same goofy ears. He was a little dynamo of energy and inquisitiveness. He was also loving and cuddly and he made her heart melt with joy at least a dozen times every hour.

"Dr. Weir?" Chuck looked up from his terminal. "All messages from the data burst have been distributed to personal email accounts."

"Thank you, Chuck," she said as she smoothed down her black shirt and brushed away the cracker crumbs she spotted on her knees.

Elizabeth had avoided red after returning to Earth. She'd put what happened with the Asurans behind her and rediscovered her love for Atlantis, but she still found herself shying away from the color. Black had seemed the most practical uniform color for a working mom, anyway. It was a forgiving shade and tended to cover just about everything, everything except her toddler's cracker crumbs.

Suddenly, it seemed entirely too quiet in the control room. She held her breath as she scanned around for her son. While the city's built-in babyproofing had been a godsend in keeping him out of dangerous areas, it didn't contain his near constant wandering, something she was usually better at preventing.

She finally spotted the tips of his tiny sneakers peeking out from beneath Chuck's workstation and heaved a quiet sigh of relief. Thankfully, Kai was having a quiet moment instead of making a break for the stairs like he normally did.

He was still playing under Chuck's workstation when the Stargate screamed to life a second later.

At the sound, Woolsey pushed away from his desk and hastily moved into the control room.

It was still strange to see him in that office. Richard had offered to move, but Elizabeth didn't want that job or that office. People were used to gravitating there no matter who sat in the chair and she knew she'd never have a moment of peace.

She liked not having to deal with the day to the day minutia of budgets, job requisitions, and endless reports. She liked her new office. It was removed enough from the activity for her to get things done, but close enough to reach the control room in a minute if needed. And, in her opinion, it had a better balcony.

"Unscheduled offworld activation. Dr. McKay's I.D.C." Chuck reported.

Icy fear stabbed at her heart as she exchanged a quick glance with Richard. John's team had only been gone an hour.

"Let them in," Woolsey said.

"We're just waiting on Sheppard," McKay's voice was mottled with the thick static of the open communication line, "but let Jennifer know we've got incoming to the infirmary."

"I'll have them waiting in the Gate room," Richard replied.

Static still carried through the air as McKay responded. "Don't bother. A gurney isn't going to work for this one. We can get there easier on foot. And can you contact Elizabeth? Sheppard wants her to meet us there."

Panic bubbled beneath her skin. She drew in some quick cleansing breaths and tried to calm her nerves. Whatever was going on, John appeared to still be standing at least. Knowing that still didn't keep her heart from racing or her hands from shaking.

Elizabeth moved to Chuck's side and scooped Kai up from the floor. "Come on, kiddo."

Zelenka appeared at her side. He smiled kindly as he took her elbow. "Let me walk with you."

"And I'll track down Helen," Chuck said. "I'll tell her to meet you there."

She threw him a grateful look and headed off with Zelenka.

Like most children, Kai adored the Czech scientist. Radek was like a walking playground between his glasses, his hair, and the ever present tablet in his hand. It didn't hurt that he'd added a few children's apps to his tablet to entertain Kai with whenever he was around.

She was barely aware of Kai happily chattering to Radek. Most of it was still babble, but his vocabulary was slowly evolving and as many Ancient words crossed his lips as did English thanks to Atlantis's interactive learning system. Expedition team members who'd been reluctant before were finally starting to learn Ancient right along with Kai, not surprising considering a group of geniuses would hardly let themselves be outdone by a one-year-old. She was pretty sure there were a handful of Czech words intermixed with Kai's budding vocabulary as well.

Once the babbling ceased, she'd need to come up with some way to explain to her family the array of languages her son was learning. Thankfully, she still had some time to figure that one out.

As they closed in on the infirmary, the riot of voices from John's team filled the hall behind her. It wasn't just the sound of voices. There was another sound, one her hearing had become acutely attuned to in the past year.

She glanced back and felt a wave of relief when she spotted John jogging down the corridor. The relief was quickly replaced with dread as she spotted the baby she'd heard crying in his arms.

"John, what's going on?" She asked as he sprinted by and handed off the wailing infant to Dr. Keller.

She had to almost jog to keep up. John trailed hot on Keller's footsteps as she moved the baby to an infirmary bed.

"We found her abandoned," John said as he moved beside the bed. "The Wraith destroyed that village, probably sometime last night."

Elizabeth stepped beside him. "And they left her behind?" Her eyes stretched as she looked at the baby. She couldn't have been more than three months old.

John's voice dropped. "It was a small settlement. No one may have made it out alive. The village was still burning when we arrived."

"Okay, everybody back." Jennifer reached for the curtain. "She's probably terrified with so many strangers around."

John crossed his arms defiantly, daring her to force him away.

Jennifer just sighed and gestured towards him and Elizabeth. "Fine, you two can stay. Everyone else, get back." A second later she swiftly jerked the curtain shut behind them.

"Where did you find her?" Elizabeth whispered, watching Jennifer pull away the blanket from the infant.

"In the ruins of a shelter. She's a fighter." John's face morphed into a soft smile as he stared down at her. "She's loud. Never would have found her otherwise."

Kai's babbling grew louder. "Bay, bay, bay."

"Baby, that's right." She said as she reinforced her hold on her squirming child. Kai lunged towards the screaming baby. She thought about it a half second before allowing him to crawl onto the bed with her.

"What are you doing?" Jennifer looked like she was regretting her decision to let them stay.

Elizabeth nodded down at them. "It might calm her down."

"I don't think…" Jennifer's voice trailed off as the baby's wailing started to subside.

Kai laid on his side and started playing with the baby's fingers. He'd never been around children except Torren and he seemed fascinated to meet someone smaller than him. The baby seemed almost equally infatuated with Kai. Her crying faded to a soft whimper as she continued to gaze at him with her big green eyes.

"Huh, look at that. I think she likes him," Jennifer said. She quickly got to work checking vitals and inspecting the infant for injury. When she was done moments later, she tucked in some extra blankets around both Kai and the baby, pulled up the bedside rail, and stepped over towards their side. "She probably wasn't alone as long as you thought. She was cold, but her core body temperature is still within acceptable limits. We need to monitor her, but I think she'll be just fine."

"She's probably hungry," Elizabeth said. "I'll have Helen bring over a bottle."

"Diapers, too," John added. "We had to get creative when we brought her back."

"I think we still have a few boxes of the smaller sized diapers." Elizabeth stepped away just long enough to radio Helen an SOS for supplies.

Helen signed the NDA and traveled to Atlantis a year ago along with Elizabeth and Kai on the Daedalus. They'd been back to Earth three times, each visit lasting a month. Every time, Elizabeth had been afraid Helen would disappear into the night, never to be seen again, but she'd always been eager to return.

She'd made herself right at home on Atlantis. When Helen wasn't helping her with Kai, she was hardly idle. Much to Rodney's delight, she'd made herself at home in the kitchen, too. She loved the commercial sized ovens and the crew loved the baked goods and sweets she managed to create from their often limited variety of supplies.

Jennifer was still speaking quietly to John when Elizabeth moved back to his side. She took his hand, lacing her fingers through his as they looked down upon the children. They looked so small on the infirmary bed, small and on the verge of nodding off to sleep as they laid cuddled up against each other.

"We're not really staffed to take care of an infant." Jennifer frowned as she glanced back at the small team currently running the infirmary. "We can figure it out for today, but then what?"

Elizabeth looked up and John's eyes immediately locked onto hers. They were brimming with that same protective instinct she saw each time he looked at their son.

Elizabeth turned her eyes back to Jennifer. "She can stay with us until we verify that her parents and family are really gone."

She and John had room, they'd moved into family sized quarters last year. They also had stockpiles of baby supplies and Helen to help them out.

"And if they're gone?" Jennifer's eyes swung between John and Elizabeth.

"They're gone." Ronon's deep voice carried through the curtain.

Since their failed run on Earth, the Wraith had drastically changed tactics. A truce had brought their infighting to and end and the majority had gone back into hibernation, waiting for the scout teams to wake them once they'd found the way to Earth. The team on Atlantis had had no intention of allowing that to happen.

The hives carrying the hibernating Wraith had scattered to the edges of the galaxy. Since then, John's team had been focused on finding the locations of all those ships and containing the damage wrought by the few hives that remained active. They were working on a plan that would destroy all the hives at once. It was going to take time, something the Wraith had inadvertently gifted them when they'd chosen to hibernate.

"Those villagers weren't taken. They were killed," Ronon continued. "We found the bodies. The Wraith were looking for information, not food."

"Some of them had been fed on." Rodney added quietly.

Her stomach rolled at the thought. "We still need to try, John. See if anyone managed to escape or if they've hidden. She deserves to be with her family."

"And if there's no one?" John's eyes remained transfixed on the children

She turned back and they watched their son drifting off to sleep alongside the little girl. The sweetness of the two huddled together was crushing.

"And, if there's no one left, she stays with us." Elizabeth whispered as John's fingers tightened their grip on her hand. "We'll figure it out."

"You know, she looks like you, Elizabeth, with her little brown curls and green eyes." Jennifer smiled as she moved back around the bed. "She's a cutie."

"What are you going to call her?" McKay's voice pipped through the curtain.

John's hand released hers as he reached back and yanked the curtain aside. The menacing look on his face sent Rodney scrambling backwards a few steps.

"Quiet," John hissed. "They're falling asleep." He nodded towards the kids. "And what is it with your obsessive need to name everything?"

"You're just as obsessed as I am," Rodney said, his voice a loud, exaggerated whisper. "You always veto everything I suggest and then name it yourself."

"Maybe we can call her Meredith," John said.

"You wouldn't," Rodney gasped as Zelenka snickered in delight.

John just rolled his eyes and turned back towards the kids.

"I once knew a woman who was very strong in spirit. Very loud too, much like this little one." Teyla's lips quirked into a small smile. "Her name was Kali."

It didn't feel right. This child belonged to someone and if there was any chance Elizabeth could save a parent the pain of losing a child, she would. She'd do everything in her power to reunite them. "I don't think we should be naming her yet-"

"We can't just call the baby it, Elizabeth." John said.

Her brow arched towards him. "Weren't you the one just making fun of Rodney for his obsessive need to immediately name everything?"

John's forehead furrowed. "Fine. You call the baby it. I'm calling her Kali. It even goes good with Kai. Hey." He halfheartedly frowned as she swatted at him. "Why don't we talk about it later?"

She bit down on her lip, but she knew it didn't completely suppress her smile. "Let's just see if we can track down her family first."

Lorne entered the infirmary and motioned for John. As John strode off towards him, Ronon stepped closer and ducked down to speak quietly into her ear. "There were bodies in the dwelling we found her in. He didn't want to tell you. He said that kind of stuff bothers more you since you've had Kai."

"It is fortunate the child was quiet during the attack," Teyla murmured. "Perhaps she was asleep then, but she was not quiet upon our arrival. John heard her first. He found her hidden her in a pile of blankets."

And the surge of joy she'd felt at seeing her son snuggle sweetly up against that baby suddenly went flat. She was so little, so vulnerable. Only three months old, at most, and she may have already lost everything. Elizabeth blinked rapidly. Tears sprung to her eyes as she imagined the horror those parents must have experienced as they tried to save their child.

Words eluded her. She nodded back at Ronon, hastily swiping the tear that had slipped from her eye.

The baby yawned and curled into the fetal position as she tucked even closer against Kai's side. At that moment, Elizabeth knew she was a goner. That little soul had stolen her heart. She was filled with an overwhelming and almost primal need to protect that tiny spirit, the same need she saw echoing in John's eyes as he headed back towards her.

 _Christmas Eve, four months later…_

It had been snowing since morning. The grounds around their Virginia lake house looked like a glittering winter wonderland, setting a perfect scene for a wonderful, family filled holiday. Elizabeth had never been surrounded by so many friends and family at Christmas. Her mother and step-father, Glen, were there as was John's Aunt Imogene. Suzanne and Dave had just arrived and even some of their Atlantian family had been able to take leave and join them for this holiday.

Since most of the Wraith were in hibernation, things had become quieter in the Pegasus Galaxy. Rodney still filed a daily how screwed we are report that consisted primarily of system breakdowns, but they were slowly bringing everything onto a rotating maintenance schedule that would prevent many of those emergent situations in the future. There were still plenty of troublesome humans and active Wraith to cause regular spikes of drama in the Pegasus neighborhood, but for the most part, the expedition had been able to spend the bulk of their time exploring, strengthening the infrastructure of the remaining human settlements, and continuing their work to locate all the slumbering hives.

Elizabeth, Suzanne, and Teyla were nestled into the sofa before the blazing fire. John had installed a baby gate around the fireplace so they could still enjoy the warm ambiance without worrying about the little ones.

Teyla was laughing heartily. "You have never shared this story, Elizabeth."

"John changes the subject when anyone brings it up." Elizabeth chuckled. "Do you blame him?"

"So, John is not permitted to golf anymore?" Teyla asked.

"John and Dave. Don't forget his brother, he was just as guilty as John." Suzanne said. "Neither of them are allowed to golf anymore."

"I didn't say never," Elizabeth was still softly laughing. "I said not when I'm pregnant and weeks away from delivering."

Teyla shifted and rested her elbow on the back of the couch. "So their vehicle-"

"Golf cart." Suzanne corrected.

Teyla's forehead furrowed. "Their golf cart was trapped in some… body of water?"

"It rolled into the water hazard." Suzanne was trying to sound stern, but she was on the verge of laughter.

"It's like a pond." Elizabeth clarified. "And their phones went in the water with it."

"And their car keys." Suzanne scoffed.

"What are you talking about?" John eyed them suspiciously as returned from the kitchen carrying an energy drink in his hand.

"The weather," Suzanne said.

"The news," Elizabeth answered at the time Suzanne had spoken.

"Right." John drawled. He shook his head as he moved deeper into the family room where some of their company was gathered around the TV playing video games.

Teyla waited until he was out of earshot to continue. "How long until John was able to reach you?"

Elizabeth had to think about it. "After an hour without reaching them, Suzanne convinced the country club to send someone to look for them. Then it took them another two hours to get spare keys and drive into D.C."

"You should have seen the look on John's face when he finally rolled in," Suzanne gave a snort of laughter. "I was about to crawl into the birthing tub with Elizabeth. I'm still not sure if he was relieved or horrified."

John had been almost unhinged. Elizabeth hadn't had the energy to be angry when he'd arrived. She'd been too caught up in the increasingly fast waves of pain that were wracking her body. Plus, he'd been pissed at himself enough for both of them.

"Why did they chose to golf when you were so close to having the baby?" Teyla asked.

"I wasn't supposed to deliver for another week. Week's even. The doctor thought I would go past my due date."

There had been signs earlier in the day, signs Elizabeth dismissed as false labor after what her doctor had said. As it turned out, her doctor had been wrong. And as it also turned out, John hadn't missed any of the main action by running late. She'd still labored for six more hours until Kyle Mack Sheppard, now commonly known as Kai, made his way into the world.

"The crazy woman didn't even have an epidural, did you know that?" Suzanne asked Teyla.

"You're wasting your breath. Teyla had a natural birth too." Elizabeth said. "No pain medicine." She quickly added, not remembering if Teyla even knew what an epidural was.

"You're both insane." Suzanne's eyes were stretched wide with horror. "You all are," She said waving her hand around the room. "It must be a job requirement of whatever it is you all do."

Teyla let the comment pass without out comment. Instead she just laughed softly and reached out to tap Elizabeth's arm. "Does Ronon know this story?"

"No," Elizabeth said. "I'm pretty sure John doesn't want to tell him either."

"He would not be pleased you were waiting while John was playing that game," Teyla said. "Ronon does not like golf."

"He doesn't look happy now either." Suzanne nodded towards the other end of the large room where Torren was running in circles around Ronon's armchair.

Teyla stood and started moving towards Torren. "Ronon's bark is worse than his bite. Is that not the expression?" Teyla asked. "He pretends otherwise, but he likes children."

Ronon gave a soft growl before grabbing Torren and giving him a little toss in the air. Torren squealed with delight and immediately demanded Ronon do it again.

As Teyla rescued Ronon from her son, Elizabeth sank deeper into the couch, letting the heat from the fire seep into her bones. Suzanne scooched closer and stroked her fingers over Kali's chubby cheek.

"So is it any different working with John now that you're married?" Suzanne asked.

It was odd, almost all their friends and family from home had asked that question.

"Not really. We were close before we were in a relationship," she said. So close, the crew of Atlantis had taken the news of their marriage in easy stride, even those who hadn't realized they were together before.

Working with John again had been a seamless transition. Things had gone smoothly with one notable exception. Since she'd acquired the ATA gene, John had been incessantly pestering her to try flying a Jumper. When she finally caved, they'd only made it halfway through the first lesson before she'd fired him as her instructor.

Lorne had stepped in and worked with her until she'd gained confidence and a reasonable mastery of the ship. John had been delighted when she'd grudgingly admitted she liked it, but it still hadn't earned him a seat on any flight she was piloting. Evan had advised her to go out once a month, just to keep her skills fresh, and she'd been doing just that. She enjoyed the break in her normal routine… and the pained expression on John's face when they left without him.

She usually made it up to him later.

"Still, I bet it's an interesting dynamic," Suzanne mused. "I know I couldn't spend all that time with Dave."

Elizabeth laughed. "I don't know what you're imagining, but we're not glued at the hip twenty-four seven." Not every day, anyway. John's team had cut back on missions, but they were still going out several times a week. And on the days he was on Atlantis instead of in the field, they still weren't always together.

Her new role allowed her to dedicate more time to research. She spent more time in the labs assisting the scientists with translations and more time with teams as they continued exploring the city. Her hours were flexible so she could still stay on top of foundation's activities and, of course, dedicate a good chunk of time just to being a mom.

On the more hectic days, though, it felt like the only thing that had changed was her uniform color and location of her office chair. The corners of her lips quirked at the thought. There was still one chair she still refused to sit in. The Ancient control chair. Only Rodney really wanted her to try. The rest seemed vastly relieved each time she adamantly declined. She thought they were being a bit dramatic.

She'd only errantly fired a drone once and that had been John's fault for yelling her first time flying. The Jumper hadn't even been that close to the tree line of the planet's thickly forested continent. Plus, they'd gotten the drone powered down quickly and no one had really been at risk. It wasn't like she'd inadvertently blown up a solar system. They all let Rodney forget that, but no one would ever let her live down that drone. She supposed she was at least in good company with Carson on that one.

Elizabeth glanced down as the baby shifted in her arms. Kali's big eyes flashed open and she made an adorable cooing sound as she stretched.

"She's finally awake." Suzanne clapped her hands excitedly before stretching them towards Elizabeth. "Let me have my niece."

Elizabeth obligingly handed over her seven-month old baby girl.

Suzanne and Dave had been out of town the past week skiing and celebrating Christmas early with her family. They'd just arrived at the lake house that afternoon. They, like their other family members, had been thrilled to see Kai again, but it was Kali's first visit to Earth and she'd been stealing the hearts of everyone she met and enchanting them all with her thick eyelashes, wide green eyes, and her curly brown hair.

"I love her name, Elizabeth."

"Teyla suggested it, actually. Kali was born near where…"

"Where Teyla grew up?" Suzanne helpfully finished.

God, was she ever off her game. That was the easiest explanation ever, but her mind hadn't been functioning at full strength since the night before. It had been just after dinner when she'd realized her period was late.

Suzanne was still looking at her expectantly and Elizabeth nodded in confirmation. "Teyla said she had known someone with a fiery spirit named Kali. I looked it up and the name means energetic." And her daughter was both fiery and energetic. A fighter. "It seemed a fitting name for a Sheppard child."

Elizabeth had remained insistent that John's team track down any survivors from Kali's village. Days after the attack, the few survivors finally emerged from where they'd been hidden deep in the woods. They confirmed Kali had no remaining family and none indicated any interest in caring for the baby. They had their hands full just taking care of themselves. By that time, Elizabeth had grown so attached to her, she would have been heartbroken to give her up.

The villagers hadn't remembered Kali's exact date of birth, but they did know she had not yet been named. It was their tradition to wait a year before naming their children. It had been hard for her to fathom, but Teyla said it wasn't uncommon. Between the Wraith and the of state medicine as it was in the Pegasus Galaxy, many children never survived the first year. The latter was something Carson was working hard to remedy as he made his rounds through the worlds.

"I've seen her birth certificate, Elizabeth. John gave it to Dave to put with the other important papers you have at our house. Do I even want to know how you two are listed as biological parents?"

"Probably not." Elizabeth hated there was so much she had to hide from her family, but in this instance, it was for the greater good of her adoptive daughter.

O'Neill had signed off on their unorthodox request permitting Keller to process the birth certificate. Her birth date was listed as exactly nine months after Kai's birthday. It was the best guess they had on her true age and the math also happened to work, just in case anyone ever bothered to actually count the days between Kai's and her birth date.

Suzanne pulled one of Kali's tiny hands into her own. "How did you find her?"

Elizabeth smiled down at Kali's wide grin. She already one tiny tooth that had cut through. "John found her. He's always had a habit of coming home with more people than he left with."

"Hey," John paused beside them as he crossed back through the room. "I'm not the only one who brings things home. Do you want to have a talk about all the animals in our barn? And when did we get a goat?"

She felt a rush of heat flood her cheeks. She'd really been hoping he wouldn't notice. "It's a miniature goat."

His brows raised as he stared down at her. "And you already have a miniature donkey."

"Well, they can be friends," she said, smiling impishly. She knew he didn't mind the animals, he liked them as much as she did, but he liked giving her a hard time even more. "Besides, it was a rescue, Blaze didn't have anyone who could take him."

"That's how we got the donkey. I'm going to build Blaze his own damn barn," John's voice was gruff, but his eyes were twinkling.

"He has a stable. A nice one. I practically appropriated it to use as the foundation's equine therapy center, remember?"

A glimmer of a smile crossed his face. "Does that mean I'm going to have to build you another barn?"

"Maybe," she said as the corners of her lips twitched. "Or an extension on our own would work. I think Kai would like a pony."

He gave her a knowing look. "So that mean's two ponies, right? Because next year you'll tell me Kali needs a pony."

Elizabeth shot him a pointed look. "You don't want to have this conversation, John. We both know who spoils our kids and it isn't me." He adored their son and their daughter already had him wrapped around her little finger.

"And every little girl needs a pony, John," Suzanne blinked innocently up towards him.

Before John could retort, Aiden jumped up and waved towards John. "Sheppard, you got to see this." He was playing a video game with Dave. "I'm kicking your brother's ass."

"You just think you're winning. Watch this." Dave said and Aiden immediately groaned in response and slumped back down into his chair.

John dropped a kiss to her cheek before heading over. "Now stop plotting to enlarge our animal kingdom. Our kids are enough of a menagerie in and of themselves."

She sighed happily as John moved away. Their kids. If there was anything cuter than seeing John with their kids it was hearing him talk about their kids.

Suzanne tucked down and dropped a kiss onto Kali's hand. "I want my own babies."

"And you'll have them. Didn't the doctor say good things?" Elizabeth asked. Suzanne had undergone surgery a few months back to remove fallopian tube scarring.

"He wants us to give it another six months. Then we can do in vitro. Worst case scenario, we adopt or look for a surrogate. You want to volunteer?"

"I'm not sure my womb will be available to borrow," she murmured. "At least for the next nine months, anyway."

"Holy crap, Elizabeth." She dropped her voice as she continued. "Are you pregnant? That would give you three in diapers."

"I'm trying not to panic, Suze. A little help please."

"Okay, okay. No need to panic. You seem to have two down to a science, my guess is three won't be a problem." Suzanne's eyes darted around. "I've got Kali, so go take the pregnancy test while it's still quiet around here. I'm assuming you have one, right?"

"More like half a dozen." She'd gone to the drugstore after dinner the night before, but then it had been a whirlwind of baths, bottles, and bedtimes and she still hadn't gotten around to using them.

"Hey," Brooke dropped down beside them. "What are we whispering about?"

"All the handsome men in the room," Suzanne said, casting Elizabeth a sly smile.

"There are a lot of handsome men in this room. I want to go visit John and Elizabeth at work. Do you remember Evan? Phew." Brooke wiped her forehead. "He was hot. Don't even get me started on Ronon. I bet there are a ton of hot military peeps wherever you are."

"You probably shouldn't call soldiers peeps, Brooke." Elizabeth laughed. "And you probably shouldn't lust after them either. You have Aiden."

"I can still look. But Aiden's the only one I want to touch," Brooke said as a dreamy look crossed her face.

"Where is your brother when I need him?" Elizabeth teased.

Blaze had a way of keeping Brooke in line that the rest of them had yet to master. He was spending the day with Andy's family, but they'd both be coming to Christmas dinner the next day along with Brooke and Aiden, and Kate Heightmeyer and her girlfriend. Their out of town friends and their family would be already be there, they were staying at the lake house the next two nights.

"I've got Kali, so scoot." Suzanne nudged Elizabeth's arm. "Brooke and I are going to dish sexy men."

Elizabeth's eyes immediately strayed towards John. He was wearing a long sleeved button down shirt, untucked over a pair of well-worn jeans. He was undoubtedly the only sexy man she cared about and he wasn't the only one who could be possessive. "Fine, but leave my man out of that conversation."

"Ewe." Suzanne wrinkled her nose. "He's like my brother. Now go."

Elizabeth stood and glanced through the doorway to check on Kai. Rodney was at the dining room table with her son. Not surprisingly, Kai had forgone the chair and had climbed on top of the table to sit instead. They were both completely engrossed with a toy that dated back to before even her childhood. A classic abacus.

"Good job, Kai. You're a natural. Your daddy could have been Mensa, you know." Rodney smiled proudly at her son. There may have never been a prouder honorary uncle.

"Suze, can you keep an eye on him, too?" Elizabeth asked, as grabbed her water bottle

"We all keep an eye on Kai. He's got Sheppard genes. He's hard wired for mischief."

Elizabeth snorted her sip of water. Kai was hard wired for mischief, but he wasn't the one she was worried about. He'd made great strides, but Rodney still tended to run hot and cold when it came to interacting with kids and when he was done, he was done. "True, but I actually meant Rodney."

"Yeah, well, we all keep an eye on him too," Suzanne eyes were full of mirth. "He's hard wired for drama."

John did a double take when he saw her grab her bag and head for the hall. He winked at her and heat immediately flooded her veins. She shook her head, wondrous as always at her immediate response to him. She was a sleep deprived, working mother of two. It shouldn't take just a wink to draw wicked thoughts to her mind or just a look of his eyes to send her nerves rioting with need.

"Be right back," she mouthed. He nodded, but his eyes had turned watchful. Even from across the room, he knew something was up.

She'd only been in the bathroom a minute when the door opened and John slipped in beside her.

"I locked that door." Elizabeth said, watching John fold his pocket knife and stow it back in his pocket.

He shrugged. "I figured you locked it to keep out all the riff raff."

She raised a brow. "And scruffy nerf herders."

"Who are you calling scruffy?" His brows came together as he looked up and raked his fingers through his hair. He was looking a little scruffy, she realized. She needed to cut his hair.

She tried to discreetly shove her bag further back on the counter. "You don't normally make a point of accompanying me to the bathroom."

"And you don't make a point of taking your purse to the bathroom if you're not on your period, which I happen to know you're not. Anything you need to tell me?"

Her mouth fell open as she stared back at him. Of course she would have been drooling over her husband while his mind was quickly analyzing the scene unfolding around him. She wouldn't have thought the signs were that apparent, but he already suspected she was pregnant.

"And your boobs are looking bigger than normal." He shot her his roguish grin that never failed to make her smile in response.

"You just think that because Helen is visiting her family and we haven't had sex in days."

On Atlantis, Helen helped overnight twice a week, something Elizabeth had initially resisted. After Kali had joined their family, she'd reluctantly admitted if either she or John were going to function at work, they needed the help… and the sleep.

"We have a house full of guests fighting to babysit overnight. I'm planning to make up for lost time tonight." His arms wound around her waist as his lips slanted down over her mouth. His tongue plunged into her mouth, his kiss a luscious preview of what would follow that night. His hands roamed down her rear and he grasped and lifted her onto the counter. "And I happen to be an expert on your boobs. I know their exact size when you're pregnant and when you're not."

He nudged her until she leaned back and braced her upper body with her palms against the countertop. She immediately missed the dresses she favored in the summer months. The heavy denim of her jeans and thick weave of her sweater put entirely too much fabric in between them. He nestled in between her legs and shoved up her sweater as he started kissing his way up her chest.

She laughed huskily as his lips wandered her skin. She never should have doubted his ability to find her through the layers of clothes. And he hadn't just found her skin, he'd ignited her skin. Her nerves were sizzling in the wake of his hands and lips. She hooked her heel around the back of his leg, urging him even closer.

Laughter drifted down the hall and her heart froze. "We have guests down the hall," she murmured.

He gave a grunt of frustration and peeled his lips away from her skin. "Stop distracting me. I'm trying to be scientific here. I'm going to measure." His hands moved up to cup her breasts. His eyes were wide with delight. "You're pregnant."

"You're crazy. And you're mean. Come back here." She wrapped her legs around his waist as she sat upright and tugged him back against her. "I wasn't done kissing you."

A low growl rumbled in his throat when their lips struck, a groan that rumbled deeper when she started unbuttoning his shirt.

Someone pounded at the door. "What are you guys doing in there? You're hogging the bathroom." Rodney whined.

She cursed softly when John's lips tore away. "There's more than one bathroom on the ground floor, Rodney. Find another one." Elizabeth's tone was sharper than she'd intended.

John had an amused look on his face as he buttoned his shirt back up. "You're definitely pregnant."

"Why? Because I want my husband?"

"Because you want your husband when there are people just a few feet away. Last time you were like that, you were pregnant."

"So you think my boobs are bigger and I'm a little less inhibited. That's not very scientific."

"Then take the pregnancy tests. I'll bet you have a handful in that bag of yours."

Sometimes it annoyed her that he knew her so well. "Fine."

He helped her off the counter before he turned to prowl through her bag. He was smirking when he turned back to her with the plastic bag from the pharmacy. "How many of these things do you really need?" He shoved the plastic bag back in her purse and extended it towards her.

"Shut up." She laughed as she snatched her purse from him.

He leaned against the counter seeming in no hurry to leave.

"John, I'm perfectly capable of peeing on a stick without you."

"I missed all this stuff the first time around. I'm not missing anything else."

"Are you kidding?" But he wasn't. She could see the stubborn set of his eyes and she sighed in resignation. "Can you at least turn away? I don't want that image ingrained in your brain."

"You forget what all I saw when you gave birth. And I still wanted to have sex with you after that."

"Careful, Sheppard. That was your son I was pushing out of my body."

Using his last name always caught his attention. His whole face scrunched up as he twisted uncomfortably. "That didn't come out the way I-"

"I know. But you might when to stop while you're ahead."

His brows raised in a speculative look. "How ahead? As in I still get to have sex with my wife tonight?"

She smiled slyly towards him. "You really think I'd punish me along with you?"

His smirk came back in full force. "Told you. You're pregnant."

She didn't know whether to laugh or to pull out her hair. "Is this really the story you want to tell when people ask how you found out I was pregnant? If I'm pregnant?"

He winced and turned towards the door. "Just…pee on the damn stick already."

She took three packets out of the bag and set her purse on the floor.

He glanced back over his shoulder when he heard her tearing into multiple packages. "What are you doing?"

"Multi-tasking." She was pretty sure she could manage more than one test at once. "I don't want to stay in the bathroom all night waiting for second and third opinions."

"Oh." He scratched absentmindedly at his chin. "Good idea."

"You're watching," she reminded as she moved towards the toilet.

He laughed as he turned back around. "How are you doing with all this?" He asked. "We haven't really talked about more kids since Kali came along, but I don't think I ever made it a secret that I wanted more."

That he hadn't, just as it hadn't been any secret she wasn't on birth control. They'd started trying for another baby a few months after Kai was born. But after they'd welcomed Kali into their family, they'd never stopped to talk about if that's what they still wanted, at least while they already had two that were so young.

"There might have been some mild panic when I realized I was late." It had been more like extreme panic.

Two had been overwhelming at first. Someone always needed fed, changed, or chased after. But after the first month, they'd adjusted. Just as they'd adjust if their family expanded again.

"And now?" John's voice was soft.

She quickly worked her jeans and panties down before sitting down with a handful of the white sticks in her hands.

"Now? Now I'm just hoping I won't hate these stupid white sticks when I'm done." If she ever got done. She still wasn't sure she could pee with him in the room. "Can you turn on the water?"

He chuckled as he turned on the water. "So not hating the stupid white sticks means you want them to be positive?"

"I must be as crazy as you, because I do."

Moments later, John's hands were kneading her shoulders as she washed her hands, eyeing the pregnancy tests on the counter beside her.

There was a knock at the door before it cracked open.

"You two still haven't learned to lock the door?" Suzanne slipped inside holding Kali in her arms. "That's going to get dangerous with all these kids around."

John just looked amused and kicked the door shut as Suzanne grabbed Elizabeth's bag and went to perch on the closed toilet lid. Kali sat happily on her lap, tugging at her hair and her earrings as Suze dug through the bag.

"Suzanne, we're kind of busy here," Elizabeth said.

"I know. I just wanted to see if you had any tests left over."

"Why?" Elizabeth turned to face her friend. "Are you-"

"Late. I did the math after you mentioned pregnancy tests. I can't believe I didn't realize before, but it's the first time in months I haven't been tracking calendars and testing for ovulation and –"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." John raised his hands in protest. "I don't really need to hear all of this."

They both ignored him. "And you're late?" Elizabeth asked, feeling a surge of excitement. "Give me Kali. Take one of the tests."

"Hey. I'm still standing right here." John frowned.

Elizabeth turned to John and gave him what she hoped was her most charming look. "Will you stand outside the door? Just for a minute?"

"No." He looked as petulant as Kai did when she tried to feed him vegetables.

She tore off a wad of paper towels and covered up her pregnancy tests. "I won't look until you're back. Please."

"Fine." John huffed. "You'd better not peek. I'll know. I can always read the guilt in your eyes."

"When is there ever guilt to read in my eyes?"

"Well, I can still read your eyes. If you're guilty, I'll know it."

That she didn't doubt. "I won't peek," Elizabeth said. "Now go. Check on Kai."

She could still hear John muttering as the door closed behind him.

"You didn't have to do that," Suzanne said.

"Yes, I did." Her friend had been trying for a year and Elizabeth already had two babies. If her friend was pregnant, she wasn't about to make her wait to find out.

Suzanne, unlike Elizabeth, had no problems peeing with company in the room. Elizabeth had no sooner lifted Kali from her arms before Suzanne was lifting the toilet lid and unzipping her jeans. Elizabeth barely had time to turn around before she heard the pregnancy test package tear.

Minutes later, Suzanne was washing up. There was a single knock to the door before it swept open and Dave came barging in. John was right behind him with Kai toddling in his wake. Once they were all inside, John shut and locked the door.

"Babe." Dave reached for Suzanne. "I can't believe you didn't tell me."

Suzanne looked accusingly at John. "Why did you tell him? I didn't want to get his hopes up."

"You didn't tell me any of this." John shrugged. "And I needed some company here in crazy town."

Elizabeth's eyes stretched as she panned the room. It was a hall bathroom. It wasn't as small as most, but it wasn't what she would consider large. It just had the double sink and a little half wall separating it from the toilet. Counting the kids, there were now six of them crowded into the space.

Someone knocked on the door. "Hey. What are you all doing in there?" Rodney asked. "Is Kai with you? I want to show him some flash cards I made."

"Rodney, give us a minute." John said.

"Elizabeth, is Suzanne in there? I can't find Kali." Katherine asked.

Elizabeth grinned as she met John's eyes. "They're in here, mother."

"But didn't I see John go in there?" Katherine asked.

"I thought I saw Dave go in there, too." Imogene said.

"We're all in here," John said as he threw up his hands in frustration.

"Son of a bitch." Dave frowned. "How many people are out there?"

John's eyes connected with hers. "You should have picked a different bathroom."

"No kidding." But she couldn't do anything about it now.

"Maybe something's broken and they're trying to fix it." Rodney voice was muffled through the door. "Do you need any tools?"

"We're fine, Rodney," John said as he checked the lock on the door again. "Can you guys just all go somewhere else for a while? We kind of need a minute here."

"Let me in." Brooke pounded on the door and rattled the handle. "I don't know what you're doing, but it must be good. I can't believe you left me out."

"Isn't your test done yet, Elizabeth?" Suzanne whispered. "Mine just has a minute left."

Shit. It was past time. At least the crazy crowd outside the door was helping to keep her nerves in check. She poked John to get his attention. "You look," she said, nodding towards the tests.

"Rodney," Brooke said as the door handle jiggled. "You're like a gadget guy or something, right? Don't you have something that will open the door?"

John's lips pressed together as he lifted the paper towels off the paper. Four sets of adult eyes focused in on the white sticks. One white stick had two red lines, one had a blue line, and the last had a pink dot.

"What the hell? What does all that mean, Elizabeth?" John hissed as he started rifling through the packaging she'd left in a pile. He handed her one set of instructions and tossed Dave another while he stared down at the remaining set in his hand.

"They're in the bathroom," Rodney said. "Do we really want to know what they are doing in there?"

"McKay." John's voice was hard. "If you open that door, I'll get Zelenka to pump lemon juice into your shower's water line."

Rodney gasped. "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me." John's lips pressed together as he flipped his directions over to scan the other side.

Heavy footsteps thudded down the hall and McKay suddenly yelped in pain. "What the hell, Ronon?"

"Get away from that door." Ronon's voice was gruff. "All of you."

"Leave me alone," Rodney said. "You're just grouchy because Amelia didn't get leave for the holidays."

"Ronon is such a strong one, don't you agree, Katherine?" Imogene said. "Handsome, too."

Elizabeth strained, but she couldn't hear her mother's response.

"Ronon's right," Jennifer said. "Rodney, what's wrong with you? Get away from that door."

"I don't know. Mob mentality, I guess?" Rodney had the decency to sound contrite. "Work has been too quiet lately. I guess I miss the excitement. And its Brooke's fault, anyway. She started it."

"I only noticed something was going on because you were being so loud," Brooke said. "That makes it your fault."

Elizabeth fought to tune out their voices as her eyes raced over the fine print. Her heart skipped a beat and it felt like time stood still for a moment as a wave of pure bliss almost bowled her over.

"Positive," she breathed.

"Positive," Dave said. He was grinning broadly as he smacked John supportively on the shoulders.

Suzanne gave a whoop of delight and reached to snatch Kali from her arms.

John didn't say anything, but his eyes were glassy when he dropped his set of instructions and turned towards Elizabeth. He picked her in a lung crushing hug and spun her in a quick circle.

"I'm going to take that as a positive," she gasped as he set her down as abruptly as he picked her up. Before she could speak again, his hands grasped her face and he pulled her into a bone tingling kiss.

John pulled away and pressed a quick kiss to her forehead, before reaching to unlock the door. He opened it wide and stepped into the hall. "She's pregnant!" His voice carried, the entire house had probably heard him.

Brooke squealed with excitement. She grabbed Elizabeth's hands and tugged her into the hall. Elizabeth found herself spinning as Brooke held tight to her hands and danced in a circle around her.

It looked like the whole house was already there, probably drawn in by the sound of drama. Besides the original offenders wreaking havoc outside the bathroom door, she could also see Teyla, Kanaan, Aiden, and her step-father, Glen, further down the hall. She wished Carson would have been with them too, but the SGC insisted Carson be on Atlantis whenever John was on leave.

Elizabeth grabbed John's arm to steady herself when Brooke released her. "John, we're not supposed to tell people for a few months. At the very least, we should have waited until we see the doctor."

His response was lost to her gasp as her mother drew her into a fierce hug. Her mother had no sooner released her before Imogene grabbed her. Hugs kept her turning and swirling. When her footsteps finally came to a stop, she glanced back at John just in time to see Ronon hoist him up in a big hug.

Rodney alone looked stunned. His face was ashen. "Are you insane?" He finally asked. "How many kids do you really need? Do you know what this could do to A-"

Jennifer clamped her hand quickly over his mouth and looked apologetically towards them. "He's just… surprised. You know he's really come around to all these kids. Most days, he even likes them."

"Then maybe you should give him a couple kids of his own." John's lips pressed together as he tried to hold back his smile.

Rodney's face flushed red. His mouth just kept opening and shutting, but not a single words slipped through his lips.

"I think you broke him, John." Jennifer laughed. "And you should ignore him, anyway. We should toast or something. This is great news. Congratulations!"

"This way, young lady. I know where they keep the good wine." Glen held out his arm. Jennifer smiled and allowed him to lead her off towards the wine cellar.

The crowd slowly filtered away behind them, chattering about children and wine. Funny, now that Elizabeth thought about it. Both topics had been highly debated at her baby shower. Must be something about parenting that drove parents to further cultivate their appreciation of wine, she thought, chuckling softly to herself.

Elizabeth heard Kai's gibberish and she stepped back inside the bathroom to check on him. He was standing in the bathroom attached to his uncle's leg as Dave and Suzanne hugged. Kali was happily babbling, trapped in between them.

"Let me take Kali." Elizabeth said as she stepped closer and affectionately ruffled Kai's hair.

Suzanne edged back from Dave. Her face was tear stained and Elizabeth's heart plummeted. "Oh, Suze-"

"It was positive." Dave's voice resounded with excitement. He released Suzanne and gave Elizabeth a fierce hug.

"Easy." John was right behind her. "She's pregnant too, remember?"

Dave let her go and stepped forward. The brothers did that half man hug, half shoulder pat thing while she hugged Suzanne.

"We're going to have more kids than adults around here at the rate we're going." John said as he gave a final pat to his brother's shoulder. "It'll be nice to have a bunch of kids running around these woods again."

"That oak tree is still standing." Dave said, his expression thoughtful. "I had it inspected with the others after the wind storm a few years back. It's solid."

"The one we wanted-"

"Yep." Dave smiled.

A huge grin stretched across John's face. "We're going to have to-"

"I know."

Elizabeth turned a quizzical look towards John. "What are you talking about?"

They both ignored her.

"Dad never got around to it, things kept coming up. I don't want that to happen with our kids." Dave said. "Maybe we should start building it next summer, Kai will be big enough."

John blanched. "Only under very close supervision. He likes heights a little too much. He'd probably climb onto the roof if we blink."

"Good point." Dave's brows furrowed. "We can make the roof an upper deck and put a fence around it-"

"I bet we could run electric to it." John rubbed his chin. "We could put a TV in it."

"Are you talking about a treehouse?" Suzanne's face relaxed into a wistful smile. "I always wanted a treehouse. How big is this tree?"

"We could put a satellite dish on the roof," Dave said, his eyes never veering from his brother. "We wouldn't miss any of the games when we're out with the kids."

"And a mini-fridge," John added.

"Who exactly is this treehouse for? Sounds like a design for the big kids." Suzanne's brow arched skeptically towards them.

"Don't waste your breath, Suze. We've lost them." She held Kali up to John and he pulled the baby in his arms automatically without even a sideways glance back at Elizabeth. She paused only a moment to smile at the sight of their child in his arms. It was something that never failed to make her heart swell.

She turned back to Suzanne. "Let the men babysit if they are this obsessed with fatherhood. The others can have their wine. We can celebrate with ice cream."

They stepped into the hall and immediately ran into Brooke.

"Come on Brooke," Suzanne said. "Ice cream time."

Elizabeth froze. "She's not pregnant too, is she?"

Brooke blanched. "God no. But I have PMS and it's a bitch. I'll have vanilla ice cream with red wine on top."

"Are you serious?" Elizabeth asked. "Is that a thing?"

"If it's not, it should be. It's divine. Let's go, everyone sent me to round you guys up for a toast." Brooke's footsteps came to a sudden halt and she reached out and grabbed Suzanne. "Whoa. Wait. What did Elizabeth mean by that? She asked if I was pregnant too, are you…?" Brooke's squealed after Suzanne nodded her head in affirmation.

"Elizabeth, where are you going?" John called.

While Brooke and Suzanne were doing a crazy happy dance, Elizabeth took a step back and peered inside the bathroom. Kali was in his arms, stretching high and tugging on his hair. Kai was latched onto his leg, trying to climb John like he was a tree.

"Looks like you've got it under control," she said, laughing softly as she slipped away.

"Come on, slow poke." Brooke smiled.

"I'm coming. I need to get Kali a bottle and Kai a snack first."

"Are they on one of those rigid sleep and eating schedules?" Suzanne asked. "I've been reading about those."

"No," she said, wondering if her friend had forgotten who she was talking to. "I have no idea what you're even talking about, Suze."

She heard the crush of voices before they rounded the corner and spotted her friends and family waiting in the dining room. Bottles of wine and glasses were scattered around the table.

"Be right there." Brooke waved. "We're getting ice cream," she explained as they entered the kitchen. Brooke went directly to the stand alone freezer as Suzanne followed Elizabeth to the fridge.

"Then how do you know they're hungry?" Suzanne asked as Elizabeth pulled items from the fridge.

Elizabeth moved over to the counter. She put the bottle in the warmer and started opening Kai a small carton of yogurt. "Because Kai wasn't climbing onto the bathroom counter. He was clingy, sticking close to Dave and climbing on his dad. And Kali wasn't smiling when she was pulling John's hair…and she loves to pull hair. We probably have a couple of minutes at most before she's crying."

A soft wail floated down the hall and Suzanne's eyes stretched wide.

Brooke came back with pints of vanilla and chocolate ice cream. She looked confused at Suzanne's expression. "What's going on now? What did I miss?"

"Besides me?" Aiden asked as he stepped into the kitchen and planted a kiss on her cheek.

Brooke gazed adoringly back at Aiden. "Yes, besides you," she said as she poked affectionately at his side. "But seriously, what's up?" She asked Suzanne again.

"Elizabeth has some new superpowers," Suzanne said.

Elizabeth just chuckled as she shoved a small spoon in the yogurt. "No worries. You'll get a cape of your own in about nine months."

"What?" Elizabeth's mother squealed from behind her. "Suzanne is pregnant?"

"So much for waiting to tell everyone." Suzanne grinned wryly.

Elizabeth smiled ruefully at her friend. "Tell me about it. There's no keeping secrets in this crowd."

Aiden looked suddenly uncomfortable and he tugged Brooke off to the side. "Uh. Anything you need to tell me? There seems to be something in the water around here."

"No worries," Brooke answered as she drew him into a quick kiss. "I've only been drinking the wine."

The noise level spiked as everyone crowded into the kitchen to congratulate Suzanne.

John, Dave, and the kids entered the kitchen a second later. Both men were wide eyed at the scene before him. Suzanne threw Dave an imploring look and waved him over. She'd been cornered by Imogene who was already patting her stomach and chattering about twins. Elizabeth chuckled as Dave quickly moved to rescue his wife.

John cut through the crowd with Kai riding on his shoulders and Kali cradled in one arm. It was overwhelmingly and ridiculously cute. John passed Kali to her just as the bottle was ready. The little girl immediately calmed as she started drinking.

"Think the little man is hungry, too." John said, doing a quick double take when Elizabeth immediately handed over the yogurt.

He eyed her skeptically. "How do you always know?"

"How do you not know?" She laughed. "You've been watching Rodney for years looking for the little signs he's heading for a hypoglycemic melt down. It's not any different with our kids."

"The wine's in the dining room, come on people. I got the ice cream, too." Brooke herded everyone out and the crowd dwindled in the kitchen. Besides her, John, and their kids, only Rodney and Ronon remained.

"Is she comparing me to one of your kids again?" Rodney's jaw went slack as John handed up the yogurt to Kai. "What are you doing? He's using your head like a table. And he eats like Ronon. He's inhaling his food and it's going anywhere. It's all over his face."

"I don't eat like that." Ronon frowned towards McKay.

"You're in no position to pass judgement, Rodney. Have you ever seen yourself eat?" John asked.

"Of course not. Have you ever seen in mirrors in the mess hall?"

John caught the empty container of yogurt that came tumbling down from above him and set it aside. The plastic spoon clattered to the counter a minute later.

"I don't know where all you eat. You have a mirror in your quarters and...Elizabeth?" John's eyes turned up. "What's Kai doing?"

She looked over and found Kai tugging on the cabinets behind him and pulling himself to a standing position on John's shoulders. She really needed to check the sugar content on the yogurt before she gave him more.

"I got him." Ronon stepped forward just as Kai lunged onto the top of the cabinets. His head and chest disappeared from sight leaving his waist and legs dangling off the side.

"My word, Elizabeth." Her mother cried as she stepped back into the kitchen. "Do you see Kyle?"

Ronon had already grabbed Kai by the time John turned around.

Kai was giggling. "Again, again," he said as he squirmed in Ronon's arms.

Living here only three months a year meant some corners of their home had been a little neglected in the dusting department. The top of the cabinets were obviously one of those areas. Kai's red Santa shirt was covered in dust and he had cobwebs in his hair. Both were plastered into the yogurt that was splattered across his cheek.

Elizabeth nudged John with her elbow and pointed towards Kai. Her mother was trying unsuccessfully to pick cobwebs out of his hair. "That was your fault. You get to clean him up."

"It wasn't my fault-"

"And he goes easier when you give him a bath. I can barely keep him in the tub, he keeps climbing out." Elizabeth set Kali's empty bottle on the counter and hoisted the baby onto her shoulder.

"It's because you don't do it right." John said.

"What?" She edged back in surprise. "How do you give a child a bath the wrong way?"

"You have to make it fun. Tell him he's going to the water park."

John must have said the magic words because Kai's face lit up with a huge smile.

"Dadda." Kai lunged for John. "Play, Dadda. Water."

There was a wide smirk on John's face as he pulled Kai into his arms. "See. That's how you make him want a bath."

"Put him in the tub," Elizabeth called as John carried him away. "The water park showers you give him always leaves the bathroom floor flooded."

John had a wide grin on his face when he glanced back. "Why do you think I left the shop vac in the bathroom closet?"

Rodney and Ronon headed into the dining room, leaving just her and Kali in the kitchen with her mother.

Elizabeth's mother laughed and slipped an arm around her. "In my experience, the less you critique their methods, the more men are willing to help. And with three-"

"With three, I'm going to have to get used to wet bathroom floors anyway, right?" Elizabeth chuckled.

"And all the help you can get."

Elizabeth felt the sting of her smile stretched wide across her face. "It'll be worth it."

"Of that, I have no doubt, my dear." Her mom said as she softly patted her back.

At times, it was still hard at times to believe this was her life. It was the strangest combination of complete harmony and utter chaos…and she loved it.

~v~v~v~

She and John were the last one's downstairs on Christmas Eve. They'd tucked in their kids long ago before stuffing the stockings and wrapping the last of the gifts. Now they were munching the last of the cookies Kai and Torren had left out for Santa while they relaxed side by side on the couch before the fire.

Her heart was painfully full as she took in the ambiance of their family room. The huge tree glistened softly with its bounty of white string lights. They'd gotten the tree from their own one-acre patch of pine trees. Kai had picked it out and John had chopped it down while she and Kali had watched.

They'd gone a little overboard with decorations, but they'd kept presents in moderation. At this age, the children seemed happier playing with the boxes and wrapping paper than the toys themselves.

Last year Kai had been only a few months old. Christmas had been nothing more than a blur of light to him. This year had been magic. He was still too little to understand what it all meant, but it was bright and festive and, since his birthday party, he'd come to identify all festively wrapped packages as toys for him. He'd been both excited and frustrated that he hadn't been able to tear into them yet.

They'd added a few unwrapped gifts under the tree as well. Gifts from Santa for Kai, Kali, and Torren, as well as a giant chew bone for Shadow. Since Kai had been born, Shadow rarely left his side. Even now, he was asleep outside the children's door as their self-appointed watchman. They'd never commanded or trained him to do so, but Shadow remained vigilant in his protective duties.

Shadow didn't love Atlantis as much as the lake house, but he loved his family and was happiest if he was near their side. It hadn't taken much to convince Jack to let her bring Shadow, prompting Sam to claim he was getting mellow in his old age.

Maybe they all were, Elizabeth thought as she peered back up at John.

He held up the last cookie from the Santa plate to her mouth. She smiled as she leaned forward and chomped off a bite, before brushing the sugary crumbs away from her sweater. John finished the cookie in one bite before stretching his limbs and letting out an accompanying groan of exhaustion.

She was exhausted too. Exhausted, but exhilarated. She could hardly believe that next year, there would be another child and more presents under their tree.

"Where did that come from?" John nodded towards the fireplace mantle.

She'd tucked two framed photos into the garland. One of her father. The other of John's parents. "I hope you don't mind. I found it in the attic today when I was looking for more lights."

"I like that one of them. My father actually looks like he's considering smiling."

"Your father never remarried." She'd been curious, but she'd never asked about it.

"I knew he never would." The corner of his lips twitched as he stared at the photograph. "Loving my mother was the one thing he always did right."

John was slowly moving beyond some of the animosity he'd harbored towards his father. John had made that phone call to his father's high school friend and he'd confirmed everything Elizabeth had suspected. Patrick had been close with his twin brother Paul and their family had been devastated by the loss.

Now he'd become a father, John understood his own more than he cared to admit. If Kai ever announced he was joining some branch of the armed forces, she'd no doubt that, unlike Patrick, John would be insufferably proud and would give his wholehearted support. And she knew with just as much certainty it would absolutely gut John to stand back and watch his son head off into danger without him.

John tugged something out from behind the couch cushion and shifted towards her extending a tiny wrapped box in his hand.

"What's this?" She asked as he pressed the box into her hand.

"It'll be mayhem in the morning. I wanted to give it to you tonight."

Her eyes narrowed. "You promised. No more jewelry. And we decided no gifts for ourselves." Not only had they been short on time, but there was nothing either of them needed.

"I promised no more expensive jewelry and you don't even know what it is. Stop taking all the fun out of it. It could be a key for all you know."

Her brow arched at that and her touch of indignation quickly gave way to intrigue.

In the past year, the foundation had launched a nonprofit business employing those transitioning out of homelessness. It was located in the Los Angeles area, but closer to the beach shops than the medical clinic. The location had been a stroke of genius. The foot traffic was high in that the area and the shop had quickly become a favorite of the locals and tourists alike.

Those employed were making necklaces and bracelets from found objects. Her favorites were jewelry made with keys that had words hand stamped into them. The keys bore words of inspiration such as Brave, Strength, Courage, and Dream.

"It's nothing big, but I wouldn't have enjoyed Christmas without getting you at least a little something. You're the reason I have all of…this," he said waving his hand around their home.

She held the package in her hand and just stared at him a long moment.

He'd managed the words without looking away or shifting uncomfortably. Just a year ago, that would have seemed unfathomable, but marriage and fatherhood had changed him.

The man who once barely managed to return a hug in the gate room now didn't seem to give a damn if anyone saw them touching or even kissing. Not that they were making out in the control room, but it wasn't uncommon for him to slip his arm around her waist or drop a swift kiss to her cheek before he headed out on a mission. Those pecks to the cheek were such a quick, fluid move, most crew members may have assumed he was just talking close to her ear, but judging from the grins on his team's faces, they'd known exactly what John was doing. Now, they barely gave it a second glance.

It was his words, though, that tended to send her world a little off axis. He said I love you more frequently and often before she'd said the words herself, something that had almost never happened before Kai was born. Little by little, he'd become more expressive and better at verbalizing what he was feeling. It was subtle, little things he said in an almost offhand manner, but it always had a powerful impact on her.

He nudged her hand and she started peeling away the wrapping paper. Inside the box was a bracelet that could have only come from the foundation's store. It was an antique gold chain bracelet. A reclaimed key was linked into the design, taking the place of several links of chain. Her fingers reached out and stroked over the word stamped on the key. Believe.

"I love this."

He pulled it out of her hand and latched it around her wrist. "Seemed fitting. You always believed in Atlantis. Believed in us." He pulled her hand up and pressed a kiss inside her wrist. "Me," he added quietly as his eyes turned back towards hers.

His words, coupled with the look his eyes and a tender stroke against her cheek, packed a potent punch that left her temporarily adrift and floundering. Time ground to a stop and the world narrowed to the sound of her heart pounding in her ears and the love pulsing between them.

"I believe that I love you a little more every day," she said, finally pulling herself out of her near trance. She reached up and took his head in her hands and tugged him closer to her lips. "Actually, I know I do."

Their lips came together and he lifted her onto his lap as their kiss deepened. His lips still tasted like sugar and their kiss was like a decadent desert, better than any Christmas cookie could ever hope to be. It was rich and velvety and so damn good, she never wanted it to end.

The sound of footsteps finally drove them apart.

"Smile!" Suzanne said as a blinding flash filled the air. "Sorry, I forgot how bright the flash could be on your camera. You were just too cute all cuddled up on the couch, I couldn't just pass by."

"Shouldn't you be getting some beauty sleep or something?" John asked as he rubbed at his eyes.

"Don't mind me. I'm just raiding the cookie jar before bed. Do you think it's too early for pregnancy cravings?"

Elizabeth just laughed. "The cookies are by the stove and you never need an excuse for them."

"Doesn't your mother have the kids overnight, Elizabeth?" She pattered softly into the kitchen, not bothering to wait for the answer. They heard the fridge open and shut and a rustling in the kitchen before Suzanne went slinking back towards the stairs. "You know, I've heard that when the babies are sleeping-"

"We know. We should be sleeping too." Elizabeth said as she fought back a yawn. With her mother watching the kids tonight, she'd have pure uninterrupted sleep, a Christmas present in and of itself.

"Not sleep, silly. Sex. You should be having sex when they're sleeping. When else do you get a chance?" Suzanne's laughter tinkled on the air. "Of course, judging from the number of children you're accumulating, that doesn't seem to be a problem for you."

Her shoulders shook with silent laughter. "Suze-"

"I know. I'm going, I'm going. Don't do anything I wouldn't do."

John was smiling broadly when she snuggled closer and tucked her nose against his neck. She hadn't needed Suzanne's reminder. John's sheer proximity, the warmth of his body and his familiar masculine smell were constant reminders of other plans they'd had for this evening, plans that once again, taken a back seat to parenting.

It was a balance that wasn't always easy. Partners in work and parenting, partners at life. Intimacy came in many forms, though, and she couldn't imagine anything more precious than the time they had spent together that night preparing for their daughter's first and their son's second Christmas.

They were both exhausted. Sleep would be the responsible choice, yet her lips almost unwittingly found their way onto his neck. His skin was warm and he smelled and tasted entirely too good.

A groan rumbled deep in his throat as she shifted around and straddled his lip. He seemed anything but tired as he cupped the back of her head and pulled her down into a deep and heated kiss. His other hand grasped her waist and brought her hips grinding down against him, their resulting moans mingling in the air.

Their hands crashed together as each rushed to undo the other's jeans. It must have been the culmination of physical and emotional exhaustion, because of instead of just trying again, she started laughing, her laughter only growing stronger as she spotted the scowl crawling across John's face.

This was another thing becoming a parent had changed. Not only had her nerves become conditioned to firing up at breakneck speed, their lovemaking tended to immediately shift into a near frantic pace. At times, such as now, it was almost comical as they raced to finish before they were interrupted by their kids.

"You're not allowed to laugh, remember." John reached up and threaded his fingers into her hair. "It's a rule."

"I'm pretty sure the rule is no laughing when only one of us is naked. Neither of us are naked."

"I'm trying to fix that," John said, his voice a deep, sexy drawl, "but you're too busy laughing to help me."

"Since when have you needed help undressing me?"

John's hands stroked down her back and slid over her backside. "Since we have two kids and I never sleep."

"Maybe it's time to find our way back to our room. God only knows who might come downstairs next. I'll help you out with the clothes, but that's not exactly going to help with the sleep."

"It'll help me sleep after," John said, as his brows popped suggestively.

He grunted as he stood up, lifting her along with him. Her arms latched onto his neck as her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. His neck tempted her again and she tucked her head, nibbling at his ear lobe before kissing her way down his neck.

His breathing grew ragged as they walked. It was a raspy, sexy sound that evolved into a near pant before they made it to the stairs. Instead of putting her down or heading up the stairs, she felt her back suddenly lodge against a wall as he kissed her deep and hard and with a heat that ripped through her.

"Just like this." His words came in a deep, gravelly rush as hips rolled against hers. "I want you like this."

"Against a wall?" Her laugh was soft and husky. "And with my clothes on?" Though if his mouth and hands and hips didn't relent, she'd see stars soon whether she was still clothed or not.

"Don't care where." He kissed her again. "No clothes. Your arms and legs locked around me."

When he talked to her like this, sometimes she thought his gravelly drawl alone could make her shatter.

"No space between us," he continued as his lips started to ravage her neck.

They could barely move when they were like that, but the position had its benefits, she thought as her head crashed back against the wall. The intimacy and friction usually sent her quickly hurtling over the edge.

He was pressed up against her so tightly, she could feel the rapid thump of his heart even through the layers of clothes. His hand skimmed under her clothes and up her side, his thumb stroking gently against her stomach.

"I know what you're doing." She grasped his hair, tugging his face up to hers. "You're already making a mental list of positions that won't work when my pregnant belly is huge and-."

He silenced her with a steamy kiss that all but short circuited her brain.

It took a moment for her to focus when his lips veered back towards her ear. "I think we did pretty well working around it," she breathed.

His eyes swerved back to lock on her own. Her smile faded when she realized there wasn't a single trace of humor in his eyes. She could feel his chest heaving against her own.

"Elizabeth." His forehead pressed against hers and he stared into her eyes. "I just want to be close to you tonight."

The look in his eyes grated her heart as much as his words.

Sometimes she could be incredibly dense. John wasn't the same man he was when she'd fallen for him. He didn't have to resort to humor to play off whatever he was feeling. She'd been too caught up in her own hopes and fears and, tonight, she failed to consider he'd been navigating his own jagged path of emotions as they learned their family was growing. Emotions he'd owned and she'd discounted by joking around.

"I need that, too," she whispered.

The kiss that followed was softer. Poignant, but powerful.

John dropped a kiss to her forehead as he put her down. "Go on up. I need to check the locks first."

"Just don't fall asleep on the couch."

His eyes were simmering as he glanced back to her. "That doesn't happen often."

She bit her lip to hold back her smile. "Just make sure it doesn't happen tonight."

After she'd washed up and changed, she switched off the bathroom light. John had returned minutes ago, she'd heard his footsteps and then the bedroom door closing behind him. She stepped inside the bedroom, finding just a bedside lamp softly illuminating the room. The covers had been swept back and John was stretched out on the bed, face down, naked, and, from the looks of it, asleep.

She sighed as she moved towards the bed. She set the alarm on her phone before switching off the lamp. A sliver of moonlight cut through the gap in the curtains, gently illuminating his naked form. She slipped out of her nightgown and crawled into bed alongside him.

His visits to the infirmary had been hadn't been as frequent the past year. The closest call had left a cluster of shrapnel scars on his shoulder. They were still a bit pink, but better than the angry shade of red they had been. Another six months and they should be as faint as the others that dotted his skin.

Her fingers gently traced over those new scars before trailing down the sinewy lines of his back. She laid down, draping her upper body somewhat askew against his back.

He gave a soft grunt as her lips brushed his shoulder. "You're not naked." His voice was raspy and sexy…and very sleepy.

She wasn't naked, but she was close. Only her panties remained. "You seemed interested in undressing me earlier. I thought I'd leave you something so you could feel accomplished." Her lips brushed against him again, but his only response was a barely perceptible groan.

"John?"

"I'll undress you tomorrow. You can undress us tonight."

"You're already naked."

His breathing was growing heavier. "I forgot. Just give me a minute."

Her answering laugh was a soft, husky sound. "Get some sleep. I set the alarm a little early. We'll have some time in the morning before the entire house is awake."

"Are you really scheduling sex?" His voice was muffled against the pillow. He tugged it out from under him and turned his head to face her.

"John!" She swatted at him in protest before realizing that was exactly what she'd done.

There was a deep rumble of appreciation in John's throat. "You keep that up, I'll be wide awake in no time."

She looked down and discovered instead of swatting his side, her palm had landed squarely on his ass. It was still resting there too. She moved her hand as she shifted higher and laid down beside him on her stomach. He made another soft noise of appreciation as she splayed out over his body, extending her arm over his shoulders and her leg across his waist.

"Not close enough." John's voice was almost inaudible.

She was almost laying on him again after she shifted closer and pulled the covers over them. She craned her neck up and they shared a deep, lazy kiss before she reluctantly tore her lips away and allowed her head to drop to the bed.

His eyes never reopened. As his breathing deepened, her eyes grew heavier and her limbs started to feel like lead. Tonight, she didn't think there was anything even she could do to stave off the fog of sleep. She was bone weary and couldn't move, not that she wanted to. Sleeping naked, or nearly naked, had become another victim of parenthood. Feeling John's heated expanse of bare skin lodged against her own was an elusive pleasure. She melted against him, reveling the waves of heat that seeped into her body.

~v~v~v~

Elizabeth finished dressing and stepped back into the bedroom. John had pulled on a t-shirt and jeans before stretching back out on their bed and promptly falling back asleep. His sweater and phone were still on the nearby chair.

He'd woken her before the alarm had even gone off, still intent on satisfying that need for closeness. That hadn't been the only need they'd managed to satisfy. Her body was sated, her muscles relaxed, and her nerves still hummed with lingering satisfaction.

It was tempting to curl up beside him, but instead of joining him, she went to retrieve their sleeping babies from their room across the hall. She wanted to cuddle with them before the entire house was awake and watch the sleep fade from Kai's eyes as he remembered it was Christmas.

Elizabeth had started regretting having a two story home the first time she'd stayed there alone with Kai. Before the month was out, she'd installed a mini fridge and bottle warmer right in his nursery to curb the frequent jaunts up and down the stairs. With two, having that convenience had become even more of a luxury.

The next minutes were a whirlwind of diaper changes, sippy cups, and bottles. Kali had fallen back asleep when Elizabeth pulled her from her crib. She turned to get Kai and found him already climbing out of his own crib. That boy, she thought, shaking her head though there was a wide smile on her face. They'd need to convert his crib a toddler bed on their next visit.

She took her little climber's hand and he toddled along beside her, Shadow right on their heels. They crossed the hall back into her bedroom and she toed the door shut as Kai headed straight for the bed. She laid Kali on the bed next to John before giving Kai a boost up.

While she'd expected Kai to be bouncing off the walls in excitement, he was still sleepily oblivious to the fact it was Christmas. He snuggled up against the other side of his father as his eyes fluttered shut. Both children were rumpled, yet preciously adorable in their matching Rudolf pajamas her mother had bought them.

Shadow sat down beside her and nudged her hand with his nose. She gently stroked his fur while her other hand fell to her stomach. John shifted in his sleep, his arms instinctively stretching out and pulling the little ones closer to his sides. Tremors pulsed through her muscles as she soaked up the scene before her. Her heart ached in the best kind of way as her heart surged painfully full of love.

She heard a gently rapping at the door and she waited a long moment before regretfully pulling away to open the door.

Her mother looked frantic. "The children. I thought I heard Kyle on the monitor and when I checked-"

"Mother, I'm sorry." She swung the door open wide so her mother could see her family piled up on the bed. "I didn't want to wake you."

Tears rushed her mother's eyes. "You have such a beautiful family, my dear. And it's still growing," she said as she reached out to gently pat Elizabeth's stomach.

Elizabeth's eyes were growing watery as well. "You're going to make me cry."

Before her mother could respond, they heard a commotion from the family room below.

"Why did you make me get up? Do you know how early it is?" Rodney wailed. "And what did you give Torren? A breakfast of chocolate and coffee? I don't think he's supposed to bounce off the walls like that."

"I think Rodney's going to cry enough for the both of us." Elizabeth laughed as she leaned into her mother's embrace.

"They're a part of your family too, you know. I don't know that I've ever seen a closer bunch of friends. Mine all scattered about your age, everyone was always so busy with their families, they just kind of faded away. Your bunch just seems to be growing closer."

"And some of my friends are now officially family," Elizabeth said.

"Oh, Suzanne," her mother said fondly. "That girl has always been like a daughter to me."

"Teyla, grab him." Ronon's deep voice was harder to hear. "He's going to knock over the tree."

Jennifer's laughter floated on the air. "What's the matter with you all? Kids are supposed to crawl under the tree at Christmas and they are supposed to be bouncing off the walls. Let Torren have fun."

"Where is my niece and nephew?" Suzanne's voice seemed closer than the others.

Elizabeth and her mother stuck their head into the hall and spotted Suzanne climbing over the baby gate at the top of the stairs. Suzanne hadn't changed out her jelly bean pajamas and she had on a pair of huge, fluffy pink slippers.

"Come on lazybones. It's Christmas morning." Suzanne grinned and tucked back a wayward strand of her messy hair. "And I want to see your babies. Come on, hand them over."

Elizabeth shook her head at her vivacious friend. "They're sleeping."

"I'll settle for one baby. Wake one up and hand it over," Suzanne said. "It's Christmas, I need a kid in hand so I don't seem so crazy for being this excited."

"I don't think that's possible." John muttered.

Elizabeth peered back in the bedroom. John still hadn't opened his eyes. "Give us a few minutes, Suze. Then I'll drag them all down, I promise."

Suzanne huffed. "Fine," she said as she started to flounce towards the stairs. "But don't complain if all the kid's presents from Aunt Suzanne are loud and extremely annoying."

Her mother patted Elizabeth's back. "I'll go keep an eye on the big kids."

"This is black coffee, are you trying to kill me?" They could easily hear Imogene's southern drawl from the kitchen below. "It's Christmas. It needs a splash of whiskey or Baileys or something. We're trying to be festive here, Glen."

Her mother rolled her eyes. "I'll keep an eye on her too."

John groaned and his eyes flashed open as Elizabeth shut the door. She double checked the lock twice just for good measure.

His lips curved into a soft, sleepy smile. "I told you it would be crazy with everyone here. It's like a Griswold family Christmas"

She smiled at the thought. "I like the crazy. My family was too small, too quiet."

"I never said I didn't like it." John said.

"Good, because I want to invite them all back next year."

"And I want to invite you back into bed with me." He shifted onto his side and patted the space beside Kali.

She laid down on her side and John leaned over the top of Kali, drawing her into a kiss that made her feel like she was the one sipping on whiskey. Heat pooled in her stomach before spreading like wildfire through her veins. She groaned softly in protest when he pulled away, dropping a soft kiss to her nose before he edged back.

Kali had woken again and she laid on her back in between them intermittently pulling her little knees against her chest before kicking them out with all her might. Each time she kicked out, she waved her arms and giggled when the bed shook beneath them.

Kai's head popped up over John's side and a minute later, he slung his leg over John and climbed over, joining his sister in between them. Kai laughed each time Kali giggled, only prompting the little girl to giggle louder with each kick. Her laugh evolved into one of those great belly rattling, baby chuckles that was crazy and infectious.

Elizabeth laughed so hard tears streamed from her eyes. Possibly, she realized, she was just crying and the laughter was simply a mask. It was such a simple thing, sharing laughter with her family on Christmas morning, but the moment had stolen her breath, her words, and her heart.

Becoming a mother had changed her. It had shattered every filter and every shield she'd ever constructed around her. She was like an exposed, raw nerve, feeling and experiencing everything with a pure intensity she'd never imagined possible.

It was a pain in the ass at times, not being able to close the floodgates at will. It made work challenging. And it made her life breathtaking.

She tilted her head to the side and John's eyes locked on hers with one of his intense, soul penetrating stares. She felt stripped bare beneath his gaze, but with John, she never felt vulnerable. It was a gift, especially at times like this, when words would have stalled or choked in her throat. Words were never enough to do justice to the scope and strength of all she felt. And words paled in comparison to what they could share with just one look in each other's eyes.

His eyes softened and he reached out to cup her chin. "Merry Christmas, Elizabeth."

She sniffled and wiped some of the tears from her eyes. "Merry Christmas." A whisper was all she could manage. "I love you."

"I know." The corners of his lips twitched ever so slightly.

Her eyes stretched wide. He hadn't. But it was John and of course he had. He'd thrown out a humorous lifeline just as the riptide of emotions threatened to surge too high.

Laughter rolled through her body as she reached out to give his shoulder a hearty shove. "Try again, space cowboy." Her voice was husky, heavy with emotion.

"Thought I was a scruffy nerf herder." The corners of his eyes crinkled as he leaned over and brushed a soft kiss against her lips. "I love you, too."

They heard a large unintelligible squawk come from downstairs.

"Was that Rodney?" John asked.

"We'd better get down there." Elizabeth said. "I think something's wrong with our droid."

"He's probably just still traumatized at the thought of having his own children." John's face crumpled with laughter. "You know, after I add on an extension to your barn, I think we need to upgrade the sound proofing around here."

A happy squeal from Torren floated up the stairs.

"Maybe," Elizabeth answered noncommittally as she stood up and pulled Kali into her arms.

It was loud. Their home sounded like it was bursting at the seams, but to her ears, it wasn't an unpleasant sound. It was like a symphony of voices and love and friendship and it tugged at her heartstrings.

"That sounds like a maybe not," John said as he climbed to his feet. Kai immediately stood up on the bed and grabbed the back of John's shirt. He climbed fruitlessly until John finally hoisted the tyke up on his back.

She grabbed a fistful of John's shirt and tugged him into a swift kiss. "I kind of like the noise," she admitted.

"That's a good thing, because you realize we're having twins."

"What?" She laughed as they headed towards the door.

"Yep. I measured your boobs again this morning. I think they might be even bigger than last time. I'm telling you. Twins."

"They are the same size as they were last month, John. They won't even start changing until my second or third trimester. That method isn't as scientific as you'd like to believe."

"Then what about the pregnancy tests? You said they were hit and miss last time. Not enough of whatever chemical to get a strong result. You got some pretty strong results last night, probably because you're pregnant with two."

It still wasn't scientific, yet it was enough to send a fresh wave of panic through her. She just stared dumbly at him in response.

There was no way. It wasn't happening. They had two pretty much mastered. Three would throw a wrench into things, but they'd adapt. Four? The thought alone made her shudder. Four, she feared, would be the breaking point. And any more than that, they'd be out of arms and it would become outright chaos.

"Maybe Dave and Suzanne can have the twins," she finally answered.

John shrugged. "Maybe, but I have a feeling about this."

"Twins?"

"Twin boys, actually."

She eyed him suspiciously. "Why boys?"

Kai's hands closed over his father's eyes and John laughed as he reached up and grabbed his little hands. He was still holding Kai's hands when he cast his eyes back to hers.

"I know we have a long time before it's an issue, but I'm pretty sure I'm not going to handle the whole dating thing well," he admitted. "If we have more girls, we're going to need to put a good attorney on retainer. We might need to do it even if it's just Kali."

She shook her head, though she had to admit, she held her own worries on that subject. "You may have a point, but what makes you think you can just get whatever you want?"

His eyes darted back to Kai before returning to Kali and her. "Why not?" His voice was soft. "I've gotten everything else I ever wanted."

The man was going to kill her one day the way he casually threw out those heart crushing comments.

He eyed her carefully, seeming nervous at her sudden silence. "What about you? You have everything you want?"

She slowly exhaled the breath that had caught in her throat. "More than I ever dared to dream for."

~v~v~v~

A/N:

Thank you for reading. I hope you enjoyed! And a very special thanks to all who have left reviews. I hope I made up for skipping the play by play on the birth and return to Atlantis. The muse wasn't cooperating and neither was my work/life schedule. This compromise let me get a chapter out now instead of later this summer.

As I mentioned before, the updates will now slow down in a big kind of way. I'm still planning one to two more glimpses forward into the future. If you haven't already, sign up for alerts and you'll (usually) get an email when the next chapter posts.

And, as always, the standard disclaimer: Way too many words for my bleary eyes to handle. I tried. Forgive any mistakes.


	30. Chapter 30

Epilogue: 2017

Elizabeth inhaled deeply, drawing in the faint scent of fragrant wood burning somewhere in the distance. The crimson leaf in her hand crumbled as her thumb stroked back and forth over the dry papery surface.

The lake was glassy smooth, reflecting a mirror image of the colorful forest that bordered its edges. She perched on a huge rock that rested just feet before the water. It was far from comfortable, but she'd been reluctant to leave the gentile tranquility afforded her while Helen and her mother were inside keeping an eye on the kids.

The last pieces of the leaf slipped through her fingers as Shadow nudged her hand, and she reached down to stroke the grey hair that was starting to dominate his muzzle. Kind of like John, Elizabeth thought as a smile stretched across her face.

Her phone vibrated and she quickly glanced down at the screen.

 _Hey, baby. We hit some traffic on the way, but I'm back at the mountain._

"Finally," she said. John was back at Colorado Springs after his work day on Atlantis. Shadow looked up and she patted his head. "Just talking to myself, Shadow."

It still made her head spin how much things had changed over the past years. Three years before, the Wraith had been extinguished after succumbing to a mysterious disease. The expedition had been unable to confirm the cause and their theories ranged a wide spectrum from reactions to buildup of inoculations in their food source- Carson had been diligently making rounds of the galaxy providing medical care- to the least likely scenario of Ascended intervention.

A year after that, John's team had uncovered an intact Ancient base on a planet at the edges of the Pegasus Galaxy. It had puddle jumpers and- astonishingly- a small fleet of Aurora class battleships. They were ships the Lanteans brought in for repairs after being damaged during the final battles with the Wraith. The expedition had been able to complete the last of repairs and bring them back into operation.

They'd eventually set up a permanent base at the facility which also served as an outpost for the few ships they'd dedicated to exploring bordering galaxies. The new base was much like the bunker at Stargate Command. It was large enough to comfortably house the expedition including any future expansion, but it was small compared to Atlantis.

Since the shield didn't have to cover such a large area, they'd been able to power the entire facility, including shields, using what remained of the facilities' lone ZPM and several naquadah generators. The facility also had a modified weapons console which, unlike the Ancient Chair, afforded most ATA gene carriers the ability to easily fire the drones.

Then they'd made the difficult decision to bring Atlantis back to the Milky Way.

It made sense from a resources and logistical standpoint. Atlantis was the least energy efficient of all their ships, requiring enormous amounts of power to fly and protect. ZPM's were still scarce and an entire team was dedicated to reconfiguring the city to make it more fluidly adaptable to alternate power sources. Atlantis now rested on a planet light years from Earth, requiring a minuscule fraction of the energy to gate back to SGC than it had from the Pegasus Galaxy. Beyond conserving energy, it was close enough to bolster Earth's defenses from the few remaining threats who had the ability to reach the planet and it had allowed them to bring in additional research teams dedicated to cataloging and researching all of Atlantis' treasures.

The inhabitants of the Pegasus Galaxy had been being surprisingly supportive of the move, especially after learning there was another Ancient outpost in their galaxy. Teyla had also reminded them that they'd brought Atlantis back once and Elizabeth assured them they'd bring it back again when the time was right. Over the past few years, Elizabeth had been quietly shoring up her relationships with political, military, and even IOA leaders to ensure she retained the influence required to keep that promise.

 _Need milk or bread on my way home?_ John texted again.

 _Funny._ She typed back. _I just need you._

 _Good answer._

Stargate Command R&D had also finally managed to duplicate the Asgard beaming technology and had established a transfer station at Cheyenne Mountain. Only the highest ranking officers and officials had privileges to use it for transportation to and from Colorado Springs, but she and John had been among the first given access.

It had been perfect timing with their kids starting school. She and John suddenly had the ability to wake up at their lake house in Virginia, be in Colorado Springs for breakfast, Atlantis for lunch, and back with their kids for dinner. It was mind bending.

Her phone buzzed again.

 _Just so I'm clear, you want me for selfish reasons, right? Not because it's Halloween and the kids are being crazy._

 _I didn't say want_. She added the winking emoji to her response, just to make sure he realized she was teasing.

 _Ouch._

She quickly tapped back _. But yes, selfish reasons. The want should be always implied._

His next response roused a pleasant flush of heat within her. Before she could respond, her phone vibrated again.

 _Missed you, baby._

It seemed unfathomable after so many years together that he could still make her cheeks blush and heart strum appreciatively with just a few typed words on a small phone screen. Time and children hadn't diminished what was between them, it had only strengthened it.

She smiled down at the phone screen as she responded. _Missed you, too._

Their love wasn't the only thing that had deepened over the years, so had her worry when he was off world. That hadn't been a daily occurrence since his promotion to Colonel when John had been given full command of Atlantis after the IOA insisted Woolsey stay behind in Pegasus. After that, the SGC mandated John only go out for the most critical of missions. He'd adapted more easily than she'd expected, though his opinion of critical widely varied from hers and SGC's. Since then, his team had fractured off, remaining part of his senior leadership, but running their own teams and departments. With the exception of Teyla, who'd chosen to stay with the expedition based in Pegasus, they continued to work closely together each day.

Elizabeth still worked on Atlantis two or three days each week providing Homeworld Command oversight and helping with translations when the other linguists were unavailable. The other days, she was on call, working remotely for the Stargate Program and taking care of her Foundation responsibilities from her home office.

Their children loved Atlantis as much as they did and they retained a large, family sized set of quarters in the city, often spending weekends as well as a good portion of the summer there.

 _Hurry up and get your handsome self home._ She tapped on the phone's screen. _You owe me a kiss._

And she was getting cold. Had he been beside her, she would have huddled closer, taking advantage of his body heat.

She stood up, tucking her phone in her jean's pocket and brushing the leaves from her long cardigan. The sky was clear and sunny, but it was still the kind of day made for blue jeans, knee-high boots, cozy sweaters, and cuddling. It would also be a perfect night for a bonfire after they returned from trick or treating.

Shadow belted out a short, happy bark. She turned to see what he was barking at and immediately collided with John.

"Hey," she yelped as he grabbed her and pulled her flush against him. "You're supposed to come home through the garage so you don't scare people when you appear out of thin air."

"That takes all the fun out of it," he murmured as he took her head in his hands.

"And you're supposed to text me-"

His lips were on hers before she managed another word. It didn't feel like an ordinary 'honey, I'm home kiss', it was more of a 'the kids are away overnight kind of kiss.' It was deep and hungry and she was breathless by the time he released her.

"What's going on?" she asked. "Not that I'm complaining."

"I can't kiss my wife when I get home from work?" John's mouth veered to the side and he started nuzzling her neck.

"John-"

"And I won't be able to kiss you tomorrow," he interrupted. "I need to stock up today."

Military protocol prohibited hand holding or other displays of public affection while he was in uniform. While it wasn't a rule John always managed to adhere to, the military event they were attending the next day would have a number of senior brass in attendance and he would remain strictly hands off under that level of scrutiny.

Her fingers threaded into his hair, and she gripped gently, tugging his face back to hers. "You won't be wearing your dress blues all day tomorrow. Plus, we're off the rest of the week." The coming trip they had planned was perfect timing since their kids' fall break from school started the following day.

"So you've been thinking about undressing me?" John asked. "Tell me more."

"How about I show you?" She laced her arms around his neck. "We can do a trial run tonight." She wasn't sure which one of them moved, but their lips melded back together.

"Get a room." Dave's voice seemed far away, but his following whistle pierced the air, making it hard to ignore his arrival.

Car doors slammed as John finally broke away and craned his neck back towards the driveway where Suzanne and Dave were standing beside their car. "There's my girl," John said.

"Hey," Elizabeth tugged on his shirt. "I thought I was your girl."

"I was referencing my five-year-old niece." He dropped a quick kiss beside her ear as he groped her backside. "You're my _woman_." He gave her a wicked wink when he edged back. "Where's our nephew?" John asked as he steered them towards Dave and Suzanne.

"Ryan's fall break started yesterday and he was making their nanny crazy," Elizabeth said. "I brought him back from D.C. with me." She'd had an early meeting in D.C., but had taken the rest of the day off from both Stargate and Foundation responsibilities. "Our kids were happy to see him when we picked them up from school."

"Did our SUV survive?" John asked. "I'll bet they've been bouncing off the walls. No wonder you were hiding outside."

"I wasn't hiding, I was-"

"Uncle John!" Addison had just turned five and she still had that adorable little munchkin voice that melted Elizabeth's heart. "Are you already wearing your Halloween costume?"

John ignored Dave's responding laughter and reached for the little girl. "This is my work uniform, Addison."

"It looks like a costume." Addison sprung into his arms hugged him tightly. "You should wear it tonight. I bet you'd get lots of candy."

While all the other Sheppard kids had mops of dark hair, Addison's hair was almost blonde. Her hair was pulled up high in a loose bun with little tendrils of hair framing her face. In her blue dress, she looked like a tiny fairy.

"Where's your costume?" John asked. "No one's going to give you candy if you don't dress up."

"I couldn't wear it in the car. It would have wrinkled." Addison's serious expression sent a wave of laughter through the group.

"She is sooo your daughter, Suzanne," Elizabeth said. All of Elizabeth's kids were rough and tumble, and Ryan was a hundred percent boy, but Addison walked through the world with the airs of a princess.

Addison reached up and planted a kiss on John's cheek. "I missed you, Uncle John."

A princess with a heart of gold, Elizabeth thought.

"What about your aunt?" John asked.

"I saw Aunt 'Lizabeth a few days ago," Addison stretched her arms out for Elizabeth. "But I missed you, too."

"I missed you too, sweet girl," Elizabeth said. "Where _is_ your costume?"

"In the car with our suitcases. Do we really get a plane all to ourselves tomorrow, like when we saw Mickey Mouse in Florida? And we get to see your house in Colorado?" Addison's voice made it sound like Flowida and Colowaudo.

Elizabeth let Addison down. "We do as long as everyone wakes and gets to the airstrip on time." The plane they'd chartered would wait for them. The pilot and owner was one of John's old Air Force buddies and using his charter services was the only way to get John to fly as a passenger in a non-military aircraft. But their appointment time- which was the reason for the coming family trip- was set in stone. "We can't have any _Home Alone_ moments tomorrow," Elizabeth warned.

It was one of Addison's newest favorite movies, and she instantly smacked her hands to her cheeks and yelled, "Ahhh" mimicking the aftershave scene.

"Don't get her started, Elizabeth," Suzanne said. "She's started to catch spiders in jars so she can use them to scare off bad guys."

"She did what?" Elizabeth asked. "I thought she was a little more…"

"Prissy?" Dave said. "She's that too. She's a little bit of everything, she's going to land me in jail once she hits her teenage years."

"Daddy, what you are talking about?" Addison frowned and jammed her little hands on her hips. "I don't think prissy is a word. Did you mean Princess? Cuz that's what I'm being for Halloween."

Before Dave could respond, five children came barreling out of the house.

Elizabeth threw up her hands when three sets of adult eyes turned accusingly towards her. "I swear; I didn't give them any chocolate this afternoon," she said. "No sugary drinks either."

They didn't seem convinced.

Kali paused to shut the back door and Kai stooped down to pet Shadow while the three youngest boys bolted ahead. They could have passed for triplets. Ryan was the same age and height as her twins and they liked to encourage the confusion by demanding the same messy haircuts and dressing similarly. Just like Kai, her twin boys seemed like smaller carbon copies of John.

All the children had recently celebrated their fall birthdays. Kai turned eight, Kali seven, and Cade and Colt had turned six just days before their cousin Ryan. Addison's birthday had wrapped up the weeks of birthday insanity that had culminated into their first family trip to Disney World. She and John and Dave and Suzanne had been more exhausted than the kids, but it had been worth it.

"What's wrong with this picture?" John frowned as he watched his four kids descend upon Dave and Suzanne with hugs.

"Dad." Colt drawled out the word. "We saw you this morning."

"Daddy!" Kali separated from the others and launched herself, making John grunt as she connected with him, her long dark wavy hair whipping against his face. "We're glad to see you, too."

No one would ever guess by looking at her that she wasn't their natural child. She still somehow favored Elizabeth with her green eyes and her chestnut brown hair, but all her children were long legged and wiry, making Elizabeth feel she was raising a herd of baby giraffes with their gangly, sometimes awkward statures.

Kai alone had never gone through a clumsy phase. He prided himself on climbing higher, running faster, and out maneuvering his siblings and cousins no matter what they were doing. He was fearless and so much like John it both terrified and amazed her.

"You'd better be glad I'm home," John said as Kali released him and Kai latched onto his back. "But what I meant is, where are the costumes? I thought I was coming home to hang out with the Avengers. I thought you guys had planned out some pre-trick or treating missions out in the tree house."

For the longest time, the kid's favorite game had been playing space cowboys fighting an evil enemy called the Wraith. While it still made her heart stop each time one of her children mentioned evil aliens, floating cities, or technology activated by thought- because all their boys were ATA carriers-, thankfully John and Elizabeth's families just thought their children had amazing imaginations.

"Let's go change!" Cade cried out, waving his arms for the others to follow him back to the house.

"Mom said we had to wait," Kali reminded, following behind despite her words.

"You do have to wait. No costumes until after dinner," Elizabeth called after them, relieved when her mother and Helen appeared on the deck.

"What's the big deal if they get a little food on the costumes?" John asked. "They won't be able to wear them next year; they won't even be able to wear them by Christmas the way they grow."

"The big deal is pre-trick or treating bathroom breaks," Elizabeth said. "It takes forever to get them in and out of those costumes."

John grimaced in understanding.

"We'll guard the costumes," her mother called.

"Ryan was happy he could be the Hulk, but I never heard what the rest of them chose." Suzanne nudged Elizabeth. "What Avenger did Kali pick? The Black Widow or the Scarlett Witch?"

"That's not very progressive of you, Suze," Elizabeth teased. "She was actually torn between Iron Man and Captain America."

John slung an arm around Elizabeth's waist and tugged her closer. "Kali wanted to be one of those two characters because she's too much like her mother, she likes to boss everyone around."

Elizabeth elbowed John. "Hey-"

"Then maybe Suzanne should have dressed up as Iron Man," Dave cut in, before jumping around of the way as Suzanne swatted at him.

"Not funny, babe."

"I heard there was some kind of competition over who got to be Captain America," Dave said. "Something about arm wrestling?"

"Don't remind me, John was insufferable for weeks afterward," Elizabeth said, watching as a smirk crept across John's face.

"They all wanted to be Captain America so they could be a pilot like their dad," John said.

Elizabeth gave him an indulgent smile. "All I know is you two better keep a close eye on them tonight," she pointed between John and Dave. "I heard them plotting missions earlier that involved saving a little princess from zombie trick or treaters."

John's grin stretched wide, but Dave blinked at her in confusion. "What do you mean? We're all taking the kids out tonight, right?"

"She means we get to run after them while she and Suzanne sip on whatever pumpkin concoction they're drinking," John said.

Dave chuckled as he rolled his eyes. "Just like every other year then, okay. Got it. You know, John, the only reason they run all over the place like maniacs is usually because you're the one chasing them trying to scare them."

John just shrugged. "That's half the fun."

"Can you at least leave the scary mask at home this year?" Dave said, though he didn't really seem too upset with John's nonchalance. "Wait, don't we get some reinforcements?" He asked. "Aiden, Andy and Blaze helped us chase them around last year."

"They'll be there. It's their neighborhood we're trick or treating in again," Elizabeth said. "Noah is dressing up as a fire fighter." Noah was Blaze and Andy's adopted five-year-old son. "And Aiden and Brooke are bringing Tucker dressed as a lion again." Tucker was their golden retriever.

Aiden and Brooke had put off children after they'd gotten married while Aiden went back to school to finish a degree in psychology. He'd just finished his residency that spring and had taken over clinical operations at the Foundation's Equine Therapy Center when Kate Heightmeyer moved to the D.C. headquarters to take over all of the foundation's mental health services.

"That's not all Brooke's bringing." Suzanne smiled suspiciously. "I think she and Aiden have been doing some baking."

They all eyed Suzanne blankly.

"Like snacks for the trip?" Elizabeth asked.

Brooke and Aiden were joining them for the trip the next day, though Blaze and Andy were staying behind for a second interview with an expectant mother who was considering allowing them to adopt her unborn child.

"As in a bun…" Suzanne waited expectantly before sighing heavily. "In the oven? She's pregnant, people."

"What?" Elizabeth startled. Though, Brooke had been a little secretive lately and she had passed on the wine when they'd come over for dinner last weekend, something she'd blamed on some antibiotics she was taking.

Suzanne had a suspicious smile on her face. "All the signs are there, tired, no drinking-"

"Because she's been sick," Elizabeth interrupted. Though that was what happened when Suzanne found out she'd been pregnant with Addison. They'd thought she'd had the flu. As she continued staring at Suzanne, her friend shifted uncomfortably under the scrutiny. "She already told you, didn't she?" Elizabeth asked.

"Yes." Suzanne confessed in a huge gusting breath. "But you have to act surprised when she tells you."

"Suze-"

Elizabeth was interrupted as Helen popped her head outside. "Food's ready!"

"What's on the menu?" John asked as they ambled towards the house.

"Jack o'lantern shaped pizza, mummy hot dogs and monster eyes with witch's brew punch," Elizabeth said, watching as John's eyes widened in delight.

"Monster eyes?" Dave asked.

"Grapes, babe," Suzanne said.

Elizabeth felt the weight of John's stare and stopped walking. "What is it?"

He stepped back to her. "I was just thinking back to the first time we met. Those were all words I never would have imagined you saying."

"I'll bet there were a lot of things you never imagined," she said quietly.

John cupped the side of her face and leveled her with a deep penetrating look that went right through her.

"Good thing your imagination has improved over the years," she murmured.

"Mom!" Cade yelled. "Kai dumped the monster eyes in the witch's brew!"

"Sounds like a good idea to me," Dave said. "What's the problem?"

"The problem is-Daaaad. Yuck," Cade whined when John ignored him and gave Elizabeth a quick, soft kiss instead. Cade turned on his heel in a huff. "Never mind. The punch doesn't seem as gross anymore. They're kissing again," Cade announced as he flounced back inside the house.

John took her hand, keeping her from following Dave and Suzanne inside. "Kids better get used to it," he said as he swept a hair away from her eyes. "I think they'll be seeing plenty more of that tonight."

As he tucked his head towards her, they heard a fury of flapping wings and quacking, followed by a series of meows and the sound of soft tussling on the porch. They craned their heads back and spotted a black kitten playing with a small duck.

John gave Elizabeth a pointed look. "I know it's been at least a week since I've been in the barn, but when the hell did we get a duck?"

"It came with the kitten," Elizabeth said.

"And when the hell did we get a kitten?"

"Blaze dropped them both off earlier this week. The kitten's been sleeping with Kali all week, I thought you'd already seen it."

"Elizabeth, we have more animals than kids…and we have a lot of kids." But even he smiled watching the unlikely pair shuffle around on the deck. "I don't remember agreeing to any of this."

"I don't remember asking you," Elizabeth said, biting down to suppress her smile.

His eyes narrowed towards her and he stared at her for a long moment before his mouth broke into a lopsided grin. "You know, it's a good thing I love you."

Her heart swelled as her eyes lingered on his, remembering the time when he'd still struggled with those words. "It's a great thing, actually," she said.

They shared a soft simmering kiss before he pulled her into a crushing embrace. As they stood there wrapped within each other's arms, they heard small palms smacking against the glass on the French doors of their home- a sound they were overly familiar with- and John shifted them around to see what their kids were up to now.

The twins were at the door, with their faces smooshed against the glass contorting in a variety of comical expressions.

"I don't know why we bother cleaning that door," John said.

"I don't either," Elizabeth admitted. "Come on. Let's go figure out where they abandoned their food this time."

~v~v~v~

Their entire travel party had caught the Wednesday morning flight and they'd made it into Colorado Springs in time for lunch and only a few toothbrushes short, nothing a quick stop to the drugstore couldn't remedy. Addison made a break for the door with her toothbrush tightly fisted in her hand- acting out yet another Home Alone scene, but John intercepted her, casually tossing the contraband back towards his brother before carting her out of the store.

By late afternoon, guests had been settled into her and John's Colorado Springs home and the kids had been cleaned up and coerced into dress clothes. Elizabeth hadn't managed the time to shop for a new dress, so she'd selected a long sleeved black wrap dress that she knew John was fond of. They looked like they were probably heading for a wedding as they entered the hotel's banquet center, only John's dress uniform hinted at something more.

"John, stop fidgeting." Elizabeth watched him tug at his collar. "You're making the kids nervous."

"I don't like wearing this. The shirt scratches my neck."

"If it helps, you look very handsome." She leaned up and gave him a quick kiss.

"Now you're the one making the kids uncomfortable," he said. "Not that I mind."

"We had to get an empty elevator." Kali sighed the dramatic sigh of a teenage girl even though she was years away.

"Yeah, where are other people when you need them?" Kai asked. His recent aversion to his parents displays of affection had passed to their younger children quicker than the flu virus spread between them all each year.

The elevator lurched to a stop and the doors opened, revealing a crowded hotel hallway.

"There's the people," Colt's eyes went wide. "There are a lot of soldiers here."

"It's not all military," John said.

The friends and family who'd flown out with them had been picked up earlier by the car service. Suzanne texted that they were already seated inside.

"You're around military personnel all the time when we stay on Atlantis," Elizabeth whispered the last word.

"They all look funny though, like dad does in that strange uniform," Cade said. "I like the one he wears to work in better."

"Nice. Thanks," John said as he straightened his jacket.

"Sheppard!" Jack O'Neill ambled toward them with a huge grin on his face. "A whole herd of Sheppards."

"Funny." John shook Jack's hand. "Glad to see your old uniform fits."

Jack had retired three years ago, but had donned his dress uniform that day for the ceremony.

"The seams might have been let out just a bit. I have time to do more things now that I'm retired. Like fishing and cooking for my wife," Jack smiled contentedly. His first order of business in civilian life, unsurprisingly, had been marrying Sam. "Well, you'd better hurry and make your rounds," Jack said. "It's starting soon."

John nodded as Jack disappeared back into the crowd.

"Sheppard." A soldier with a deep stern voice stepped closer and patted John on the back.

"General Ridgeway." John's form went rigid. "I didn't expect to see you here."

"Why is that?" Ridgeway frowned. "Because I'm retired? I saw you chatting with O'Neill, his being here didn't seem to bother you."

"Well, I, um-"

"Don't stutter, son. It's not becoming an officer."

John sighed. "I just never had the impression you liked me very much."

"What was I supposed to do? Pat your back and hold your hand every time you screwed up? I always have been the hardest on those that had the most promise. That's how my leaders treated me, that's how I treated those I led."

"Promise, huh?" John's forehead crinkled.

"Don't let it go to your head." Ridgeway shot him a wry grin and strode away.

Ridgeway, Elizabeth mused as she struggled to remember Johns commanding officers earlier in his career. "Was that-"

"Yeah."

There had been a few who'd given John the impression he'd never amount to anything, but Ridgeway was the one who'd actually said it to his face.

"Wow." Elizabeth looked back at her kids, realizing they'd grown as quiet as she and John. They were still too young to entirely understand what was going on and they seemed uncomfortable in the crowd. "John? I'm going to take them inside the event room. Say your hellos and try not to be late, okay?"

"Okay." He started to lean in for a kiss, but he remembered protocol at the last second and shook his head as he pulled away. "Just another reason I hate wearing the dress blues."

"I did mention the handsome thing, right?" Elizabeth winked and was rewarded with his returning smoldering stare before she led their kids off through the crowd.

They stopped to greet Rodney and Jennifer, then Evan and Laura who'd married five years ago. Amelia had texted that she and Ronon would slip in after the ceremony started, Ronon wasn't a fan of these kind of events, but he wanted to be here for John.

Ronon had stayed on Atlantis after it returned to the Milky Way. Without the Wraith left to fight, he had few remaining ties to the Pegasus Galaxy. Now, Ronon was in charge of advanced tactical training on Atlantis and he led a special forces unit that was sent in whenever when of the off-world teams encountered difficulties.

Elizabeth and the kids continued their slow, jagged path through the crowd, greeting years' worth of civilian and military co-workers who had gathered to witness the unusual double pinning ceremony. The event could have doubled as a Stargate Program reunion with the amount of familiar faces.

Her kids trailed quietly behind as they followed her into the banquet room. She immediately veered towards the right towards Cameron Mitchell's wife, Lacey, and his two daughters. The women hugged while their children exchanged familiar greetings.

Elizabeth's eyes panned the room as the children chattered. Teal'c nodded his head in greeting and Daniel waved from across the room. She spotted Vala a second later, she had some man cornered that Elizabeth didn't recognize.

A familiar voice brought her eyes racing back to her side.

"I feared we would be late." Teyla drew her into a hug.

"Teyla, this is a great surprise. I didn't think you would make it," Elizabeth said as they separated. "And Torren, you've grown since I last saw you." He was only a few years older than Kai, but he'd grown several inches in the few months since she'd seen him. Torren waved as her children swarmed him.

"I could not miss this, though I will have to return tomorrow," Teyla said. "I left Kanaan at home with Gracen and she is cutting teeth. She has not slept through an entire night in weeks, I can not stay away long."

"I understand that," Elizabeth said. "Teething is rough. So is not sleeping." Gracen was Teyla's daughter and she was just over a year old now. "I wish I would have known you were coming, Suzanne has boxes of children's books one of her clubs collected for you."

Teyla had stayed on the Pegasus Galaxy working out the expedition's new base, leading her own team while working to improve living conditions throughout the galaxy. While Carson had focused on medicine, Teyla was focused on improving quality of life throughout the galaxy and education was at the heart of her initiatives. She and Ronon had been put on the official payroll years ago and she used almost every cent of her earnings to purchase books to stock the libraries and schools they were establishing. The Foundation also allocated a generous endowment each year to assist her with her work.

"I will be back in two weeks," Teyla said. "I am purchasing winter coats and shoes to distribute among the Athosians. Many of our makers were pulled to help with the harvest or for other projects."

"Is there anything you need, Teyla?" Elizabeth asked. "John and I will always help and there is still Foundation aid available this year. We could look at a grant or-"

"I believe we have more than what we need," Teyla said. "But, thank you. I will let you know if you could be of assistance. You will be surprised on your next visit, Elizabeth. Much progress has been made."

Without the Wraith plundering the galaxy, the population had grown, giving them more mouths to feed. And since they didn't have to contend with constant destruction of their homes, many people, such as the Athosians, were making great strides from converting settlements of temporary structures to villages of sturdier permanent housing.

"We apologize for the interruption." Two lieutenants joined them. "Dr. Weir and Mrs. Mitchell. May we escort your families to their seats? We're about to begin."

Teyla smiled warmly as she guided Torren away. "We will see you after the ceremony, Elizabeth."

Lacey gave her a timid smile and took a deep breath before Elizabeth nodded towards the lieutenants and allowed them to lead both families towards the front of the room.

"Why do we have to sit up front?" Cade complained in a loud exaggerated whisper.

Elizabeth shushed him and discreetly waved to her mother and her step-father Glen. Suzanne, Dave, and their kids were on one side of them, Brooke, Aiden, and Helen to the other. Only John's Aunt Imogene was missing. She hadn't been up for the trip, but she'd carried on a ten-minute tirade of pride that carried through John's cell phone that morning, filling their bedroom with her melodious southern accent as he'd held the phone away from his ear.

They'd been seated in the front row only a moment when Major Scott stepped out on stage. "Good afternoon, ladies and gentleman. Today, we honor Colonel's Cameron Mitchell and John Sheppard on the occasion of their promotion to the rank of Brigadier General. Officiating today's ceremony is General Jack O'Neill. Please stand for the arrival of these distinguished service men and remain standing for the presentation of colors and the national anthem.

O'Neill strode onto center stage with John and Cameron flanking his sides.

After the national anthem had concluded, Major Scott spoke again. "Ladies and gentlemen, please be seated. It is my pleasure to introduce General O'Neill."

"Sorry if you were expecting someone more important." Jack sauntered forward. "But when I learned these officers were up for promotion, I wanted to be a part of it. General Carter nagged me for weeks to practice my speech. I had jokes. Anecdotes. I would have had you in stitches, but as I was reading it this morning, it didn't seem right for the moment, so I flushed my index cards down the toilet. On a side note, if anyone comes over to my house this weekend, avoid the half bath off the family room. A plumber is going to have a very good Christmas thanks to me."

There was a smattering of soft laughter and when the room had grown silent, Jack started speaking again. "The truth is, we're here to do something special. Less than one in one thousand make it to brigadier general. Colonel's Sheppard and Mitchell had to get named to the board's list of candidates for promotion. That gets sent to the service secretary and joint chiefs for review before it is sent to the President through the Secretary of Defense for approval."

Jack paused and his eyes panned across the crowd. "I wish everyone here had the security clearance so I could speak freely about what these men have accomplished. All I can tell you is that you owe them more than you'll ever know. It was a pleasure to work alongside these men and watch them grow into fine officers. I couldn't be more proud and I am grateful I'm here to be a part of this day."

Jack paused until the answering applause died out. "So while they indulged and old man and agreed to let me up here on stage to help out today, we've got to bring out some of the still enlisted brass to make this thing official. Please join me in welcoming General Carter."

There was applause as Sam joined them onstage.

Elizabeth turned her head and looked back at the crowd. She'd been to many pinning ceremonies over the past years and they tended to be quiet and serious affairs. This one had a different tone, but then again, just about everyone in this room seemed like family.

Sam only spoke a few minutes and when she finished, Major Scott approached Jack and handed him a book.

"Major Scott says it's time to get down to business," Jack said. "Everyone, please stand for the publishing of the orders."

Elizabeth looked towards her children. The boys were in their pressed suits and Kali in a flowery dress. Their eyes gleamed as they leaned forward intently watching their father up on the stage. Tears rushed her eyes and she fumbled in her bag for a tissue.

She'd been so busy planning the celebration party that night -and worrying about the kids washing behind their ears and actually brushing their teeth- that she hadn't really thought about what it would be like to experience this moment. Her heart felt like it had swelled to the point of rupturing, it was almost an uncomfortable amount of emotion. She was proud of her husband, happy for him to get such a concrete form of recognition for all his contributions.

"Dr. Weir? Mrs. Mitchell?" Major Scott asked. "Please join us on stage to help pin on your husband's new rank."

Her neck snapped to the side. She'd forgotten about this and hadn't planned for anyone to move up and stay with her children. Her eyes settled on her oldest. "Kyle." Calling him by his given name always got his most serious attention.

"I'll make sure they behave," Kai said earnestly, seemingly suddenly much older than his eight years.

"Bring the kids up with you, Elizabeth," Hank Landry said, causing Elizabeth to do a double take. Last she'd heard, his plane had been delayed and he wasn't going to make it. He smiled warmly at Elizabeth before turning towards Cameron's wife. "You too, Lacey."

Her kids bolted at the chance. They scrambled onto stage along with Cameron's girls.

Jack shook his head when Elizabeth and Lacey finally reached their husband's sides. "Women. Always making you wait."

"Easy, General," Elizabeth whispered as laughter echoed through the banquet hall. "There is some pretty high ranking brass around this place."

"I've got plenty of stars on my own uniform," Jack said with a casual smile. "And so what if I ruffle some feathers? I'm retired. Too late to court martial me now."

"It's not too late to court martial me," Sam replied quietly.

"Then you'll retire early. It's great," Jack said. "You're going to love it."

"Sir," Major Scott prompted.

"Fine, fine," Jack said.

Elizabeth's finally dared to meet John's eyes. The moment they locked, her heart surged and her eyes immediately starting tearing again.

The rest of the ceremony raced by. She pinned one side of John's uniform while Jack pinned the rank on the other side. Carter and Lacey likewise added the pins to Cameron's uniform. The men shed their jackets and Hank, Jack, and Sam helped the children secure the epaulets to their father's dress shirts.

There were a million flashes of light and she'd bet Suzanne was responsible for more than half of them. If any of them captured even a tenth of what her family was feeling in this moment, she'd be forever grateful.

~v~v~v~

"What do you mean you don't have time to go to the beach house next March? It's the kids spring break." Elizabeth stepped out of the bathroom of their Colorado Springs home's master bedroom. She'd changed into jeans, boots, tunic and cozy cardigan sweater. They were about thirty minutes away from the start of John and Cam's promotion party that they were hosting at their home. "What was the point of buying a beach house with Suzanne and Dave if we weren't going to use it? And we've gone in the spring for the last five years."

John perched on the edge of their bed, loosening his tie. "Well, I was just thinking now that I'm a General-"

"Don't start." Her voice was stern, but she was smiling as she stepped closer. "We go through this every time you get a promotion," she teased. "I thought it was bad when you were promoted to Lieutenant Colonel, but the promotion to Colonel was worse. This, I imagine-"

John stood up and walked towards her. "I'm really that bad?"

"You're insufferable." Elizabeth laughed as he grabbed her hips and tugged her closer. "And that's okay. I'm just teasing. You should be proud. You deserve to gloat a little."

"I'm not gloating. Come on, Elizabeth. You know, there were a lot of people in the Air Force-"

"That never thought you'd make it past Captain, I know. You've always said that, but every time we run into one of your previous commanding officers, their stories are always pretty similar to General Ridgeway's. I think you're harder on yourself than they ever were."

John's mouth opened softly, but instead of speaking he leaned forward and pulled her into a knee weakening kiss.

"What were we talking about?" He asked when they finally came up for air.

"Nothing that can't wait." Elizabeth laced her hands behind his neck and drew him in for another kiss.

John's lips broke away and his mouth veered towards her ear. "I think there was mention of you helping me out of my dress uniform. I've been waiting forever for you to come out of the bathroom, but I somehow imagined you'd be wearing less clothes." His mouth started blazing a hot trail down her neck and it took every bit of her concentration to remember why this was a bad idea.

"The kids-"

"The two babysitters are here. Dave and Suzanne are here. Mitchell and his crew is downstairs. Aiden and Brooke, your mom and Glen, Helen, should I go on? Our kids have plenty of eyes on them."

They'd hired two babysitters who had a whole list of activities planned to keep all the children in attendance happily busy throughout the night. It still surprised her whenever she stopped to count the number of children between them and all their friends. Elizabeth had thought it had been endearing as she watched all the tough guys around her falling in love and getting married, but seeing those men with their children would melt anyone's heart.

"Mom." Kali started pounding on the door. "The boys have done something… interesting. You might want to get down there."

"We'll be down in five minutes," John said.

Elizabeth gave John a stern look.

"Ten minutes," he revised as they heard Kali skipping away.

"That's not what the look was for and you know it," Elizabeth said. "She usually only tattles when it's really bad."

"I'm sure they're fine." He kissed her again, but she pulled back when she felt his hands fumbling between them.

"You're undressing yourself?"

"You didn't seem interested in helping." John shed his shirt and started on his pants. "Where are you going?"

Elizabeth wandered toward their bedroom window that overlooked the back yard. Their home was on a two-acre parcel that backed up to a state park. It was the same home she'd purchased when she was pregnant with Kai and they'd held on to it over the years, spending time here whenever they needed to be closer to the SGC.

She looked out the window finding their large lawn already filled with people. "It looks like most of our guests are already here." She and John had been busy with the last minute arrangements and making sure their guests were settled in. They'd been the last ones to retreat to change out of their dress clothes.

"It's my promotion day, doesn't that make it like my birthday? I should get to do what I want." He'd forgotten to lose his shoes before undressing and he almost fell as his clothes tangled together.

"The party won't last all night, everyone here has kids too," Elizabeth reminded.

"Not everyone." He finally kicked the shoes and pants away and stood there is his boxer briefs looking expectantly towards her. "And they'll understand if we're a little late."

This was crazy, she thought as she stared hungrily back at him. Her eyes scrolled down his body, noting the silvery hairs intertwined with the dark ones that softly covered his chest. She forced her eyes back up. They were too old for this; they'd been together too long for her to feel this much of a pull. But out of everything that had changed over the years, their shared need remained a constant.

"Just think about the alternative," she said as his arms coiled around her waist. "After everyone's gone and the kids are asleep, we could take a long shower and-"

"Are you trying to tell me I need a shower?"

Her arms wound around him as she settled her head against his chest. His skin was so warm and he smelled…she inhaled deeply drawing in the scent of his skin. "No. You smell good."

He took her head in his hands and pulled her back into a kiss. She meant to pull away. She really did, but instead their kiss deepened and when they finally parted again they were both breathing harshly. Instead of letting her go, he reached down and lifted her off the ground. Their lips collided again as she tightened her grip on his neck and wrapped her legs around his waist.

"Elizabeth. John." Suzanne's voice seemed unusually loud. "Hello, people, I'm standing right here. All these years later and you still haven't learned how to lock the damn door?"

John groaned as he grudgingly let Elizabeth back down onto the floor. "All these years later and you still haven't learned to knock?" John asked as he swiveled Elizabeth around to stand in front of him.

"You don't have to hide, John, I see your brother naked all the time," Suzanne said. "It's practically the same thing."

"I'm not naked and what the hell are you going on about?" John scowled towards Suzanne. "That doesn't make any sense."

"Well, you share the same genes," Suzanne said casually. "I'm sure it's all close enough."

"Suzanne, what's going on?" Elizabeth asked before John could retort. Suzanne wouldn't have burst in on them without good reason. She hoped, anyway.

"Funny you ask. Remember that story John told about the Thanksgiving when he rescued that dog?"

"Dave rescued the dog," John said. "I was just an accomplice."

"Whatever," Suzanne said. "Your boys let a mutt in the house. He broke free and is running around like a crazy animal."

"Like your son didn't help," John said. "How are they trying to catch him?"

"Everyone's running after him. Or her."

"No wonder he's running, he's probably scared to death with a bunch of people chasing him. Where's Dave? Tell him to get some food from the fridge, we'll be down in a second."

"Food? What'll-"

"Figure it out." John ducked into the closet and started yanking on clothes.

He was still buttoning his long sleeved shirt when they trotted down the stairs a minute later.

"Told you." Kali was waiting for them at the bottom of the stairs.

"Where did they find the dog?" Elizabeth asked.

"Ryan found it, they were way out back by the creek."

"By the creek?" Elizabeth's' voice was sharp. They weren't allowed out there by themselves.

"Nana was with them," Kali said quickly. "And the dogs already kinda big, but I think he's still a puppy. He's pretty cute."

"I got him!" Aiden's voice carried through the hallway. "Crap. I don't got him."

John strode down the hall towards the family room as Suzanne came back with some sliced ham. "Here you go," she said.

John gave Dave an incredulous look. "Why didn't you think to use food?"

Dave threw up his hands. "Brooke was screaming bloody murder because the dog burst into their room and I couldn't think straight through the racket."

"I didn't hear any screaming. Never mind. Everyone out, I'll get him. Except you four," John said as he spotted his boys and Ryan huddled in the corner. "Get over here. You're not in trouble, but you do need to finish what you started."

"He's a sweet dog, Uncle John." Ryan was the first to reach John. "He didn't have a collar and he was wet. Mom said it was going to get cold tonight and-"

"Don't worry, Ryan. You did the right thing." John gave Elizabeth a pointed look. "And I wonder who gives them the idea they can bring every stray animal home?"

"I don't bring every stray home, Blaze does," Elizabeth said. "I just get them from him. What are we going to do with this dog?"

"All I know is that I'm not sleeping on the couch tonight," he said.

She laughed, remembering the story of Dave and John bringing the stray dog in and ruining Thanksgiving dinner. His mom had given the dog a bath and her husband's place in her bed.

"Then don't plan on me giving him a bath," she said.

He shot her a lopsided smile. "I think we have plenty of hands to take care of the mutt once we- hey there, look at you."

None of them noticed the dog creep up while they'd been chatting. He gently nibbled on the ham in John's hand. The dog was wet and dirty, but Elizabeth suspected he'd be adorable once cleaned up. He had long white and black hair, he looked somewhat like a sheepdog. John squatted down before him and the dog started washing his face.

"See, Uncle John. He's a good boy."

"A puppy!" Addison squealed as she ran across the living room floor. "Brooke told me and I didn't believe her, but there he is!" She kneeled beside John and squealed again when the dog lapped at her face.

"I'll help the children get him cleaned up," Helen said.

"Helen, we invited you out here as a guest for John's ceremony, not to work," Elizabeth said.

"This isn't work, you know I claim these children as my family too," Helen said. "Besides that, I made a deal with Cameron. He's going to get the fire pit going and I'm going to distract the children with s'mores."

"I don't understand, how is that a deal for you?"

"I have a sweet tooth and I love s'mores," Helen said. "Besides that, Catherine and Glen are going to help. Jack and Sam, too. Jack said he was going to tell scary stores around the fire."

"I like telling scary stories around the fire." A mock scowl crossed John's face.

Helen looked like she was trying not to laugh. "You're all adults right? I'm sure you know how to take turns."

While the men and the kids tended to the dog, Elizabeth made her way into the back yard. She immediately spotted Lacey working with the caterers and headed towards her. "Sorry about that, Suzanne was supposed to help while I was getting changed, but-"

"The dog?" Lacey laughed. "I heard. I'm pretty sure my girls were in on that somehow."

"It looks like everything is all set up." Elizabeth looked around. There were three tables, one with food, one with deserts and one with non-alcoholic beverages. A bar was set up off to the side that was stocked with plenty of beer and wine.

They'd lucked out with a mild, sunny day, but the event planners placed several large outdoor heaters throughout the yard to help ward off the chill as the temperatures continued dropping through the night. They'd also brought lanterns, tables, and extra seating. Her yard had never looked better.

"It's all ready to go, besides I wanted to help, I feel like we didn't do enough," Lacey said. "This is Cameron's party, too."

"All I did was set up the conference call between you, me and the caterers. Trust me, you've done more work than me at this point," Elizabeth said.

Suzanne and Brooke joined her near the tables. "Which one has the alcohol?" Suzanne said.

"That would be the bar," Elizabeth said. "And spread the word, we have Uber certificates for anyone who doesn't want to drive home tonight."

"Uber," Brooke laughed. "I'm so proud of you."

"Shut up," Elizabeth tried not to laugh. "You'd be surprised, I'm a hastag pro now on Instagram." The foundation's social media director had gotten her up and running and- just like when she'd discovered Pinterest- she'd immediately become a fan.

"What about Snapchat?" Brooke challenged.

"Sure. I can talk fast." Elizabeth watched Suzanne and Brooke's faces crumple into laughter as she pulled out her cell phone. "Kidding. I have Snapchat on my phone, but I only downloaded it to entertain the kids with the filters."

"You don't have a new iPhone yet?" Brooke asked. "I thought John was gadget obsessive."

"My iPhone 6 works just fine for me, but John snagged the 8 the first day they were out, though I'm not sure why he bothered. He's already got an order in for the iPhone X and I think it's out next week."

Brooke leaned in. "And what's the verdict on the iPhone 8?"

John was approaching from the side, so she answered loud enough to ensure he heard. "Just like all the other versions. The kids can use our phones easier than we can."

"I heard that." John slung an arm around Elizabeth's hip and pulled her closer. "Have I mentioned how nice it is to be able to kiss you in public again?"

"As always, I have impeccable timing," Rodney said. "I'll come back when the kissing's over. Hey, is that food I see?"

"Ignore him," Jennifer said. "And congratulations, _General_ Sheppard."

John's chest visibly puffed and Brooke and Suzanne burst out giggling again. They remembered from his last promotion how endearingly proud of himself he could be.

"What about me?" Cameron said as he joined them. "What am I, chopped liver?"

"Congratulations, General Mitchell," several voices mingled in unison.

"It does have a nice ring to it doesn't it, Sheppard?" Cameron grinned.

John nodded in agreement as Dave and Aiden joined them.

"Where's the bar?" Dave asked. He was looking a little ragged. "After the dog, we're both ready for a drink."

John rubbed his chin, suddenly looking deep in thought. "Since we're General's now, I'm pretty sure we're supposed to be celebrating. What do you say Mitchell?"

"General's orders. We all need a beer." Cam gave Lacey a quick kiss. "You need anything, honey?"

"Food, but I can fend for myself," Lacey said.

"There's Ronon and Amelia," Elizabeth said, but John was already out of earshot. Ronon wasn't a big fan of official military events and he and Amelia had slipped in the back after the ceremony started and exited just before it concluded.

"Amelia's stomach is huge!" Brooke waved them over, but they were stopped by other guests along the way. "I hope I look as adorable as her when I'm eight months pregnant."

"Oh. My. God." Suzanne's mouth gaped open. "His hair. When did he lose the dreads? It hasn't been that long since I've seen him. And his t-shirt, it's so tight."

Ronon had cut off the dreadlocks months ago. Now his hair fell in soft, unruly waves that didn't quite reach his shoulder.

Suzanne's eyes stretched. "I'm not imagining it, right? His muscles are bigger. A lot bigger."

Elizabeth laughed as the other two women gazed appreciatively at Ronon. Ronon had become like a brother to her over the years and she only had eyes for one man.

Sam breezed by heading towards the food table. "I'm starving. Can we eat?"

"Dig in, tell everyone else to do the same," Elizabeth said. "I think I heard some car doors, I'm going to check out front for stragglers."

Suzanne and Brooke were still huddled together staring at Ronon when Elizabeth moved away.

"You know what?" Brooke asked. "Aiden and I just binge-watched Game of Thrones. He looks just like that actor who played the Dothraki who died."

"No, that's not it." Suzanne said. "But he does look like the man who's playing Aquaman."

Brooke looked confused. "Isn't it the same actor?"

Elizabeth glanced back and raised a brow towards them. She could still hear them and she was feet away.

"And our one minute allocation for ogling our friend's husband is up," Suzanne said, looking somewhat contrite. "Let's go talk to Amelia."

Ronon, Teyla, and Rodney and their families were frequent guests at her and John's lake house and over the years Suzanne, Dave, and Brooke had become friends with them as well.

"Elizabeth," Ronon called as she moved by. "There's a dog in your kitchen sink." His brows raised towards her, already anticipating her less than pleased response.

"Who's washing it? My kids?" Her eyes darted to Amelia who nodded in confirmation.

She shook her head, trying not to laugh. "Ronon, do me a favor. Tell their father to deal with it."

She could hear Amelia's laughter floating behind her as she bypassed her homes backdoor and used the path worn into the yard to make her way to the front of the house.

~v~v~v~

"Do you know how many kids are in our basement?" John asked as he rejoined them by the fire. He'd gone in to check on the babysitters and their charges. "Your mom, Glen, and Helen haven't left their side, I think they're having more fun than the kids are."

"They will soon be asleep." Teyla said. "I helped them get the sleeping bags set up. Their eyes were very heavy."

"I think they've gotten a second wind," John said. "They're watching _Hocus Pocus_ , so at least they are sitting down."

"I was going to play Minecraft with them earlier, but they all smell like wet dog," Rodney complained. "And my son has dog hair all over him."

"Because your kid had the dog in the sleeping bag with him earlier," Cameron said.

"What?" Rodney paled. "You're joking."

"No, he's not," Jennifer said. "He wants to take the dog home with him."

"But- we can't have a dog. We have a cat." Rodney frowned.

"Rodney. You're at my house all the time. I'm sure you remember the cat and dog we have." John said.

"Ah, yes. Funny, now that I think about it," Rodney said. "Shadow, Juliet and Romeo."

"Funny how?" Ronon frowned.

Rodney waved his hand in a small circle. "You know, Romeo and Juliet, secret love, cloaked in shadows and darkness."

"Do we have a name for the kitten?" John asked as he cocked his head towards Elizabeth.

"You have another animal?" Rodney seemed shocked.

"Two." John held up two fingers. "The kitten came with a duck."

Jennifer stood up while Rodney's mouth was gaping open. "I'm going downstairs to hang out with the dog and kids," she said. "Try not to name our new dog while I'm gone."

Rodney started to speak as she disappeared, but instead he shoved out of the Adirondack chair and climbed to his feet. "I need another drink."

"You should try the lemonade," Cameron said.

Rodney's response was lost to a wave of laughter that rolled through the group.

"John, you're letting the fire get too low." Elizabeth huddled more tightly into her sweater.

"So?" John's expression was entirely too cavalier.

"So, it's cold." Elizabeth frowned when John didn't budge. She stood up to do it herself and squealed as John lurched forward and scooped her up, before settling back into his chair with her on his lap.

"You just need to sit with me," John said. "I'll warm you up."

Cameron laughed and shoved out of his seat. "I guess I'll put some more wood on the fire then."

The crowd had dwindled after the first few hours of the party. Dave and Suzanne had fallen asleep trying to get Addison to bed. Brooke was exhausted and she and Aiden had turned in minutes before.

Due to a previous off base incident, Vala had only been granted a short amount of base leave, and Daniel and Teal'c had escorted her back when Hank, Jack and Sam left. That left just some of their closest friends lingering into the night, settling in by the fire.

It wasn't that late, just 9 PM, but that might as well have been midnight for all their young children. Besides Torren and her kids, Ronon and Amelia's four-year-old son Hunter was in the basement, as were Cameron's girls, and Evan and Laura's kids, a five year old boy and four year old girl. Rodney and Jennifer's only child Max was in their midst as well. Max was just five years old, but was already talking as fast as his father about things none of the other kids could understand.

Lacey came back out looking defeated. "You're going to have to help me, Cam. The girls fell asleep and I can't get them to budge."

"Cam, you're off work tomorrow too, right?" When Cameron nodded, Elizabeth continued. "Let them sleep here, you can pick them up in the morning," she said. "Helen and I are making a huge breakfast, you can join us."

"Sold," Lacey said quickly. "So are you all staying around a few days? I heard your kids say they're on fall break."

"Yes, we'll be here through the weekend. We should get back together this week. Maybe on Friday?" Elizabeth asked. "I ordered a new part for the projector and it's scheduled to arrive that morning. We could have an outdoor movie night."

"Sounds perfect," Lacey said.

"I don't know, Lace," Cameron said.

"What do you mean you don't know?" Lacey said. "They kids will love it."

"Well, now that I'm a General and all-"

The rest of his words were drowned out by the collective groan of the crowd.

"What? Something I said?" Cameron had a sly grin on his face that told her he knew exactly what he'd done. "It's the burden-"

"Of command," she and Lacey finished in unison.

"You'd think they weren't proud of us Sheppard," Cameron said.

"They just don't understand," John shrugged. "It's a military thing."

"We're all around military all the time. You realize that, right? It's not a military thing, it's a man thing," Amelia said as she stood up. Ronon jumped up beside her and she waved him back down. "I'm fine, sit back down. I'm just going downstairs to check on your son."

"Are you still waiting for the delivery or did you find out if the new baby is a boy or girl?" Elizabeth asked.

"We decided to wait." Amelia rubbed the side of her stomach as she stepped away. "But I don't think we'll have to wait much longer."

"Oh, crap." Cameron jumped out of his Adirondack chair. He quickly reached down and tugged Lacey out of hers. "Honey, we've got to go."

"Everything ok?" Elizabeth asked, before cracking up as Cameron tossed his wife over his shoulder.

"I just realized that if you're keeping our girls, we've got the house to ourselves." Lacey half-heartedly demanded that he put her down and he ignored her. "See you in the morning," Cameron said.

Evan shifted forward in his chair. "So if you guys are offering up babysitting services for the night-"

"Daddy." The rumpled little forms of Evan's son and daughter emerged from the darkness. "We want to go home."

Elizabeth's mother was holding one of each of their hands. "They mentioned something about their favorite stuffed animals."

Laura snorted in laughter as she stood up. "I have everything but the kitchen sink and their stuffed animals in my bag. Come on kiddos, let's go home. Mama's tired, too."

"Sorry we couldn't help you out." John shot Evan a look that was anything but commiserating. "I'm sure at your next promotion party, you're going to offer to watch my kids that night, right?"

Evan's groan was his only response.

They'd only been gone a minutes, when they heard voices circling around their house.

"Did they forget something?" Elizabeth asked.

Teyla stood and stared into the shadows. As she stood there a smile crept slowly across her face. "It is not Evan that is returning."

"Hello, everyone. Sorry we're late." Carson's melodious voice reached them before his form was illuminated by the light of the fire. "It took forever to get Radek away from Bill."

Radek had stayed behind in the Pegasus Galaxy with Carson and Teyla.

John lifted Elizabeth back onto her feet and stood up beside her.

"Radek? Carson? What are you doing here?" She asked as she hugged each of the men.

"We were invited, best I can remember." Carson half hugged, half patted John's back. "Sorry, I couldn't make the ceremony. Congratulations, General Sheppard."

"Why does nobody groan when he says it?" John said as he shook hands with Radek.

"Look who I found inside." Aiden stepped into the light along with Chuck.

"They ran off and left me while I parked the car," Chuck said as Teyla hugged him. "I had no idea where everyone was."

Chuck was still with them on Atlantis. Everyone but Teyla, Carson and Radek still saw him all the time, but Elizabeth was glad he'd decided to come. As she glanced at everyone around the fire, it didn't escape notice how many of the original expedition members were gathered there that night.

"Glad to see you're done getting your beauty sleep, Aiden," John said. "The bar's that way, everyone. And if you want something non-alcoholic, Rodney recommends the lemonade."

"Oh, haha," Rodney said as he returned. "Carson." A delighted grin crossed his face. "It's good to see you." He cleared his throat. "You too, Radek." His last words were almost an unintelligible mumble.

"There have been many great surprises tonight," Teyla said.

"Teyla's right," Elizabeth said. "It has been some time since we've all been together." Something jolted her memory and she flashed back to when they'd first arrived on Atlantis and they'd all shared the bottle of champagne on the balcony. "Excuse us for a minute," she said, tugging John towards the bar.

They returned minutes later with a box of clean glass flutes and bottle of champagne she'd set aside for a toast they hadn't gotten around to earlier. John popped the cork and their friends gathered closely together while the glasses were filled.

"This is just lovely," Carson said. "What are we toasting to? Promotions, babies, friendships? I don't even know where to start with all we have to be thankful for."

The comfortable silence of a shared contentment fell over the group as they looked around at the familiar faces of the friendships that had been so deeply forged over the years. They did have a lot to be thankful for.

John's eyes caught on hers and he gave her an almost imperceptible nod.

"To friendship," Elizabeth said as she held up her glass. Tears pooled in her eyes that she knew she didn't stand a chance of fighting.

"To friendship," the group echoed and the first tear slipped from her eye as glasses clashed gently together.

After sipping from their glasses, John brushed away her tears and leaned in, brushing his lips against hers in a soft, gentle kiss.

"And they're kissing again," Rodney said.

"Oh, Rodney," Carson sighed. "We were having such a lovely moment, why'd you have to-"

"Ronon!" Helen yelled from the back door. "You need to hurry, Amelia's water just broke."

Ronon dropped his glass and ran.

"No need to panic," Carson said. "Thousands of women have babies every day."

"I'm not panicking," Helen said.

"I wasn't talking to you, love, I was talking to Ronon." Carson pulled Ronon to a stop as they reached the house. "You need to relax, son. The last time she delivered she needed the pain medicine just because you made her a nervous wreck."

Ronon just snarled as he pushed past him and moved into the house.

"You delivered their first baby?" Helen asked. "I didn't think you were that kind of doctor."

Carson smiled indulgently. "I handle all manner of things. Be a dear, will you, and call 911. She had some complications the last time and I'd rather not deliver this baby in a home."

~v~v~v~

As it turned out, Amelia had been right. They didn't have to wait long to find out the sex of the new baby. It was just two hours later when a nurse walked into the crowded waiting room. "I'm looking for the Dex family," she said.

Over a dozen people- Dave, Suzanne, Brooke, Aiden, Radek, Chuck, Rodney, Jennifer, Teyla, John, Elizabeth, her mother and Glen- stood up.

The babysitters had jumped at the chance to keep getting paid for watching movies while the kids slept. Helen stayed back at the house to supervise, but the rest of them had piled into cars and followed the ambulance to the hospital.

Carson was still presumably in the OR. They'd ended performing an emergency C-section when the baby's heart rate dropped. Carson had privileges at the hospital and Amelia and Ronon had insisted he join the on call OB-GYN in surgery.

Elizabeth realized the nurse was still standing before them. "Is everything okay?" she asked.

The nurse blinked in confusion. "You're all family? I'm not allowed to disclose information if you're not."

"I'm his brother," John said, before pointing at Teyla and Rodney. "That's his other brother and our sister."

"If you say so." She didn't seem convinced, but she waved them forward anyway. "Why don't you three come with me?"

They emerged minutes later with Ronon in tow, still in full scrub get up with the face mask shoved up high on his head. "It's a girl!" He punched his fists victoriously into the air as John patted him on the back. Ronon scooped Elizabeth up in a crushing hug and spun her around.

"Easy, chewie. Don't break my wife," John said, but Ronon had already moved onto his next victim. John steadied her and they watched Ronon make his celebratory rounds. "Maybe we should have brought that champagne with us."

"I don't think we need it," Elizabeth glanced up at John. "I've never seen him smile for so long, not even after their son was born."

"He was scared out of his mind, Elizabeth." John spoke quietly into her ear. "You might not have seen his face when they loaded Amelia into the ambulance, but I did. I don't know what he'd do if he lost her."

"I didn't think her condition was that serious," Elizabeth said.

"Carson assured him Amelia would be fine," John said, "but this is Ronon. It wouldn't have mattered what anyone said."

"So he was basically just like you when I had the C-section for our twins."

John's eyes circled back to hers. "I was fine."

"You were so _not_ fine," Elizabeth said. "You were the opposite of fine, but I appreciated the fact that you tried to be for me."

John just grunted and tugged her closer.

~v~v~v~

They arrived home just after midnight, but it felt much later. Elizabeth had changed into a strappy nightgown and she exited their walk-in closet to find John barefoot and bare-chested, standing before their dresser in just his jeans. His movement had stalled as he stared at one of the family photo's she had brought with them, intending to put it on the fireplace mantle downstairs. It was a photo of John's father.

"He would have been proud of you." Elizabeth moved to his side.

John's brows drew together. "Who?"

"Your father."

"Proud of me for what?" John asked. "For not getting myself killed yet?"

Elizabeth winced and John looked instantly contrite.

"Sorry, I don't know why I said that." John sighed and scrubbed his hand down the back of his neck.

"For the record, I'm proud of you too."

"You're not surprised I made it this far?" His eyes slid away. "Because I sure as hell am."

"You should know better." She tugged his chin, drawing his eyes back to hers. "From the moment I met you, I've always believed in you."

His eyes pressed shut and his forehead pushed down against her own. His fingers trailed through her hair and he tucked his head, kissing her cheek and neck before pulling away with a rumbling groan.

"Why are you groaning?" Elizabeth shot him a wry smile. "You're not in dress blues. Not a kid in sight. There's no reason to pull away. Unless," she shifted sideways and pulled a box out from a dresser drawer, "you were waiting for your promotion present."

"You shouldn't have gotten me anything. I probably should have gotten you something. I'd never have made it this far without you."

"You earned this promotion, John."

His face screwed up in a familiar way and she recognized he was struggling to find the right words for whatever he needed to say.

"I'm not just talking about the promotion," he finally said. "I'm talking about everything. There was a time I never thought I'd live to see this much gray in my hair, see my home filled with our children, or have so many friends and family in my life. That's your doing."

"We built this life together." She trailed a finger down his chest and tapped gently over his heart. "You had just as much to do with that as I did."

"Maybe," he said, not sounding convinced.

"Here." She pressed the box into his hand. "Open it."

She gotten inspiration for his gift when his long beloved wristwatch had stopped working weeks before and he hadn't been able to find a jeweler who could repair it.

His initial reluctance fell away and he ripped the paper away and flipped open the box. His expression immediately lightened. "This is great, I was looking at one just like it," John said. "It's titanium, isn't it? Like my wedding ring?"

She shook her head in affirmation. She'd gone to the jeweler the day after John had tried to get his watch repaired and she'd had the good luck to talk to a clerk who'd worked with John.

"That's not the only thing like your wedding ring," she said, nodding towards the watch.

He flipped the watch over and his eyes narrowed as he scrutinized the word etched on the back. _Everlong._

His eyes raised, caressing over her with a love and tenderness that made her heart skitter in response. "Sometimes it feels like it's already been a lifetime." His voice was low and gravelly. "In a good way," he hastily added as he set the watch aside.

His eyes turned back towards hers, locking on hers with a searing gaze. The world around them seemed to slip away as the unspoken conduit between them cycled raw emotion so intense it made her chest hurt and her breath catch.

Snippets of their life flashed through her mind like a slide show, starting from the moment she'd first spotted him sitting in the ancient chair to present day. Their shared history included moments of unbearable pain, but they'd risen from the ashes, stronger together than they ever were apart, their lives richer together than she'd ever dared to dream.

"It might feel like it's been a lifetime, but our story is far from over," she said. "I love you, John."

John's arms locked around her as his lips covered hers, kissing her with a needy hunger reminiscent of that very first stolen kiss. "I love you, too." He started shuffling them back towards the bed.

He lifted her from the ground and a moment later they both tumbled back onto the bed. They turned into each other, limbs tangling together as they shifted closer. She knew from the weight of his stare, they were both reflecting back and feeling overwhelmed with the enormity of what had come from the journey they'd embarked upon so many years ago.

Her breathing slowed as the seconds ticked by. They were almost frozen, caught in one of those rapturous moments where what they conveyed with their eyes transcended any words they might have managed.

John's eyes grew heated and her lips curved into a smile as she realized he'd had enough ruminating for the night. His eyes broke from hers, tracking his fingers as they stroked down her neck. His lips followed, trailing hot, open mouthed kisses along her collarbone. A soft rumble of appreciation passed her lips as his finger hooked around the thin strap of her night gown and peeled it down while he kissed her shoulder.

He abruptly pulled away and rolled out of bed, his footsteps resonating on the wooden floor of their bedroom.

She propped up on her elbow as she stared wide eyed after him. "What are you doing, John?"

He glanced back, the heavy slant of his eyes sending fiery sparks spiraling through her veins. "Locking the damn door."

~The end.

I know we all have dreams about where the future would have taken our favorite characters. The jobs, relationships, and the future of Atlantis and the Stargate program in this chapter may not be what you envisioned, but that's okay. I hope you were still able to enjoy. This was always meant to be a HEA and I'd like to think that in one of the infinite parallel universes, this could have happened. I also have lots of thoughts about how things went differently in others.

And I should probably apologize for the mention of Ronon looking like the GOT and Aquaman actor. I took it out of the chapter twice, but in the end, I couldn't resist. I hope it didn't throw you out of the story.

Happy Halloween, everyone! See you out there.


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